So now you finally get to see what Min's deal is and where she comes from. I'm hoping I didn't move too quickly with the character development. But I felt that Min and Shen's last meeting was a pivot point in their relationship-enough for her to have a change in perspective anyway. Eventually something would have to give, for all the arguing these two have been doing. I thought it was about time to shake things up a bit.
This chapter probably had the most tweaking done to it, and I'm still a bit unsure as to how it turned out. On one hand, I think I like it and on another, I don't. I can't decide. Ahh. You decide.
I meant to address this in the last update, but as usual, forgot.
the critic - you made a good point in your review about the character perspectives. However, since I've got into a sort of rhythm at this point, I feel it would be difficult to switch gears again to having multiple characters per chapter. It would be useful and make my life a lot easier in some cases, but I've also been told it was confusing when I did do it in the earlier chapters. Either way, it's always helpful to know what you think, and that goes to all my reviewers. Even if I may not choose to implement your criticism does not mean it wasn't helpful. I always appreciate hearing what you think, because it allows me to see my writing through other people's eyes.
WiseScholar - Ah! I'm glad you said that. I agree, Shen has grown up to be quite strong and much healthier than when he was a child. However, he spent a very long time breathing in smoke and God knows what other kinds of crap, not to mention he was working for several days without proper rest. Also, my interpretation is that even though he is pretty strong, he isn't as sturdy as others, so that coupled with poor health habits and stubbornness contributed to his sickness. I did not expect your interpretation, so again, it is good that you mentioned it because now I am aware of your perspective. So thank you for commenting about that! I would not have thought of that point of view otherwise. :)
Summary: The paths Shen took in the past seem only to lead deeper into darkness. But through the eyes of those who have woven themselves into his life, a new story unfolds-one leading away from old misery and guilt-that may yet bring him redemption. Slight AU. Chapter 12-Min reveals snippets of her past in hopes of coercing Shen to do the same
Chapter 12.
Min.
Min had never felt so bored in her life as she walked through the vacant halls of Shen's mansion. Occasionally, she would pass a servant, but she may as well have been a ghost for all the notice she received. She counted the silken tapestries and examined the embroidered red carpet that ran down the center of the main corridor. Min found herself reminiscing about the mansion she had grown up in. If she recalled correctly, it had certainly been more ornate and lavish than this one, and Min was amused by the irony that for all his talk, Shen's house would be so much plainer than hers had been.
I'm sorry, she'd told him. Min knew the words had been unexpected to him. They were unexpected to her too, rising up unbidden and flying from her beak before she could control herself, but they were sincere. I wonder if you've ever heard the words in your life. She reached up and touched the healing cut on her cheek. Min could still see the way he had looked down at his hand as though it were some separate entity that had acted of its own accord. You're on a slippery slope.
Min paused when she realized she was standing in front of the war room. Cautiously, she pushed open the door, only to find it empty. She walked in, examining the walls and noticing the spot where her blood still stained the carpet. That's never coming out. Looks like I've left my mark on this place whether Shen likes it or not. For once, she could actually see the surface of the table. Most likely, Shen had taken all his papers away to wherever he disappeared during the day. Min pulled out a chair and leaned back against the table, facing away from the door. Besides the table, the room was empty with blank walls that could have used a banner or two or perhaps some accent furniture.
You would have hated the look of this room, wouldn't you, Mother? Min wondered briefly if her family missed her. Why in the name of the gods would they miss an eyesore like you? No, things were better the way they were, that is, if she ever escaped from her current predicament.
The door to the room swung open, and Min twisted her neck around, though she already knew who she would see.
"Wh-what are you doing in here again?" Shen demanded. His pale feathers were stained black with soot, and Min was surprised to see him wearing something other than his classic silver robes. Instead he was clad in simple dark grey, drawing a greater contrast with his plumage. He carried a strange, narrow, metal tube mounted on carved wood which he placed on the table before glaring at her impatiently.
Min turned back around, finding his gaze uncomfortable for once. Before, she could look directly at him, fueled by defiance and righteous anger. Now, seeing him made her unsettled and strangely guilty.
"Maybe you were right. We are not so different after all," she said, referring to their recent argument.
"Oh? And how exactly is that?" he asked.
"Are nobles ever really so different?"
"You presume too much, peahen," Shen said with restrained anger.
"Your life was never really your own, was it?" she asked, ignoring his annoyance. That made him pause as she hoped. Min forged on with her gambit. "Everyone had their ideas about the sort of people we should be. No one ever seemed to care what we wanted from our lives."
"Where are you going with this?"
Min faced him. "I suggest a trade. Story for story. We both want information from each other."
Shen raised an eyebrow but pulled out his chair. "I'm listening," he said, though Min could hear his suspicion in the way he dragged his syllables.
Min smiled bitterly to herself when she remembered how her nanny would shout at her for scuffing up the floor with her claws or sliding down banisters. Her parents often scolded her for not showing proper etiquette or for being rude to obnoxious relatives and suitors. After all, that wasn't the behavior of a proper lady, was it?
"I was always the defiant child, living in my older sister's shadow. She made a wonderful lady, followed all the rules, preened her feathers and fluttered her eyelashes the way a good noble-born peafowl should. We're a vain species, after all, but what is the use of vanity when you look like me?" Min gestured to the flecks of green that mottled her brown feathers. Most peahens had other hues that would shimmer on their necks and fade into a delicate light brown or gain a pinkish tone if they were lucky. "You're right, I am sensitive about my appearance, but who wouldn't be after years of other peafowl taking one look at you and sneering because you don't resemble a goddess? Making mud balls with the servant children and throwing them at the pretty girls turned out to be much more rewarding than trying to please people. That would get their attention better than anything."
"Being invisible has its benefits," Shen cut in, sounding bitter. "Better to be ignored than gawked at like some freak show," he spat.
Min looked at Shen, seeing him for the first time not as an enemy or as part of that general mass of people she despised by default. He was white as death and his red eyes were particularly jarring, even without his piercing stare. It was a different sort of look in a peafowl, but Min had seen so many different creatures with varied appearances, and it would be hypocritical of her to hate someone for how he looked. Most of all, Shen appeared tired, though it could have been because of the work he had been doing all day. Min didn't think that was the only factor.
"Our lives were shaped by the perception of others. How they saw us eventually made us who we are. I was glad to be given the chance to leave Gou City. I never traveled," Min lied. "To be here is almost like an escape. Or it would have been if I weren't your prisoner."
The truth was slightly different. The stories she was telling were over fifteen years old. Shen did not need to know about how she had, in fact, traveled around China for years before finally settling in the Valley of Peace four years ago. He did not need to know about the day she made the choice to leave her home.
That was my eighteenth birthday, she recalled. It was her coming-of-age, and everyone in the family was making a grand fuss about the celebration—except Min. For months before the occasion, there had been fights about how Min was not helping enough with the preparations or how she was being ungrateful. Min, for her part, could not have cared less. No one paid me much mind before then, so I never understood what the fuss was about. It was all just a big, noisy parade, and they were going to force me to be the star.
Min had been spending a day in the downtown square of Gou City when she met the traveling shadow puppet troupe. She had always loved watching the shows for the way they took her to far off places she'd only read about in her history books. Somehow, she had gotten to talking with one of the performers, a viper who regaled her with his experiences traveling across the countryside. He showed her some maps and artwork he had done, and for the first time, Min had a true glimpse of the world beyond Gou. It was at that moment that the rest of China became tangible, not something from a textbook or a fairy tale. The seed of wanderlust settled itself in her heart that night, and every routine in her life seemed even more unbearable than ever and the jabs from her peers more intolerable.
Finally, in the frenzy of birthday preparations, Min made a spur of the moment decision, packed a bag, and slipped away into the night. With a sizeable allowance she had ferreted away and a stubborn pride to protect, she had marched from Gou and never looked back.
Shen clasped his hands together, watching her carefully. What else can I tell him before he starts talking about himself? If I say too much, I could give Po away. Min's mind raced.
"You never married, it seems," he stated, saving her from having to come up with another story.
"Why would you say that?"
"You, a wife? You are far too independent and far too willful. Not to mention, only an idiot would send his wife away to do dangerous work such as this."
"I was willful. I wanted nothing to do with the peacocks my parents tried to arrange for me. They were all the same." Arrogant, disdainful, vain, and just as uninterested in me as I was in them. Min looked across the table. Not so different from you. They were never so lethal or shrewd though, never so complicated. "They tried cutting me off from family funds, but I knew how to live simply, and I had friends among the servants and townsfolk. Eventually, they decided I was more trouble than I was worth. My being here to spy is their attempt to make me useful for something."
"Not that it's working. You're wasted as a spy," Shen said with a smirk. Min allowed herself a short chuckle.
"True, all I've done is feed you information about myself. Which brings me to your part of the bargain," she said.
"I could easily walk away with what I've learned of you and not say a thing about myself. That was clumsy of you," Shen said.
Min glowered. Don't make this a pointless conversation. I know you barely believed a word of what I said anyway.
"I'm in a good enough mood that I'll humor you for a bit, though," Shen added, laying his hand on the long metal object he had brought with him.
Min perked up. "Alright, here's a question. Why did you murder the pandas?" She prepared to duck under the table in case her question had been too direct, even for the lord's apparent good mood.
Shen's gaze hardened quickly, and Min was tense for a moment. She relaxed when he looked down at the floor, eyes glazed slightly as he reminisced. "Murder is a strong word," he muttered.
"I'm sure we both agree that softening the truth is a waste of time," Min replied. "But we've had our arguments about morality. Now I want to know motive."
"Motive, hmm?" Shen paused for a while, and Min began to wonder if he was going to say anything after all. "There was a prophecy," he said at last, resting his beak on his folded hands. "My parents did not like my exploring in the science of gunpowder. They consulted with a Soothsayer who predicted that I would meet my downfall at the hands of a warrior of black and white. When I overheard, I set out to change my fate. It was a preemptive measure—self-defense."
"That's your justification? You made an assumption, and they paid for it with their lives!" Min blurted, momentarily forgetting that she was trying to understand him better rather than provoke him.
"If you're only here to lecture me, then leave, before you put me in an ill temper," Shen warned.
Min clamped her beak shut, cursing herself for being careless. The last thing she needed was for him to lose his temper. He was so hard to figure out though. The smallest thing could set him off, and she would not be able to tell why.
"Right, sorry," she said, still chiding herself. Shen's eyes widened slightly at the apology, and Min found herself wondering again if he'd ever heard anyone speak those words sincerely and while not under duress. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Min groped for something else to say. "I resented my parents and peers for all their expectations and how they always seemed to lie through their teeth about everything. I've always appreciated honesty. From my experience, the nobility are nothing but liars, caught up in their own little world that they think is so superior to everyone else's."
"Perhaps that explains why you're such a terrible liar yourself. In spite of all that, however, I cannot say I entirely disagree with you," Shen replied. He looked up at her sharply. "Don't think you're so special because you dislike that little world you and I know so well. Do you really think you're the only one who hates that way of life? That's rather arrogant of you."
I know nothing at all, Min thought. He was right on that count too. The more she listened to him and the more she looked at him, the more Shen seemed to be a blank slate. You think you know people, but it's all just guesswork, the wolf had said. How much more is behind the motive you gave? That can't be all of it. I can't believe that, not when I see you now. Suddenly, Min felt very tired, and she could no longer think of anything else to say. For all the talking they'd done, she felt as though she only had more questions, none of which she would dare to ask.
"It seems your parents were fairly involved in your life," Shen commented out of the blue.
"I wouldn't say that. They only seemed to be around if it were to nag me about something I was doing that might bring embarrassment to the family name. My sister saw more of them."
"No brothers?" Shen asked.
"No, just the two of us," Min replied.
"Interesting. And it never bothered you that you hardly saw your parents?"
"They were never very pleasant to be around, in all honesty," Min said with a shrug. "I wasn't exactly the favorite child."
"I see…" Shen said. "Well, Xiang Min, this was a pleasant discussion we've had."
Min felt her beak open slightly in shock. "What did you just call me?"
"Oh, did I get it right after all?" Shen asked with a crooked grin. "The Xiang Family. Members of the executive council in Gou City, and the only family with enough influence to find suitors who would be willing to take your sister's name and continue the family line and enough wealth to support their other wayward daughter, so long as she did not do anything to bring disgrace upon them. This is your family, is it not? The one that you strangely choose to speak about in past tense?"
Min gaped at Shen. How? How did he figure it out? And what else does he know about me?
He chuckled, and Min shivered with real fear. Could he know that she wasn't affiliated with her family anymore? That could mean death for her and the kung fu masters if she said the wrong thing, and it would be her fault. Damn her curiosity. She should have stayed well away from him since the day she arrived. She had been careless, or perhaps he had been far too sharp for her.
"You think that force is the only means I have of getting what I want," Shen said with terrifying mirth.
"You're right. You were right. I don't know a thing," Min said desperately. "I don't know anything about you at all. I was wrong. I admit it."
"I told you, you are a terrible liar, despite what you might like to think. Now that begs the question, are you really working for your family?"
Min only stared at him. What could she tell him? Everything she had tried against him had failed. All she could do now was make sure Po's friends were not implicated in her failure.
"Obviously not," Shen said for her. "Then who?"
"No one. Everyone. I give up. No matter what I try to say, you'll figure out the truth. You've figured out most of it. I have no idea how," Min said, throwing her wings up in resignation. The only hope I have is to throw his guard again so that his confidence is shaken. Right now, he's absolutely lethal. Somehow, the right words fell to her, like rain upon a desert.
"I'm a terrible liar, so here is a truth, and I hope for all your skill at unearthing lies, you have the same talent for seeing truth. The reason I came to this room today is because I wanted to understand you better. You said I know nothing, so I wanted to learn. You said I judged you, so I came to be corrected. You hate me for my hypocrisy, so I came to apologize. When I said it the last time, I meant it: I was wrong, and I am sorry."
Shen's smile vanished like smoke, replaced by a look of sheer incredulity. "I see what you are trying to do," he said at last, though he nearly choked the words out. "You're trying to distract me again."
"Please, tell me that I was lying. I swear to you I wasn't," Min protested.
His crest lowered slightly as he observed her. "No," he admitted hesitantly. "I don't think you are lying. But…why?"
Because you're on a slippery slope, and no one will help you up.
"Because I was seeing you the way I wanted to, not the way you were. Because I thought I was better than you because of what you've done in the past, but now I see that I'm not."
Shen glared at her. "What, are you trying to take the high road now? Do you expect me to turn around and apologize to you and all the dead pandas too?"
"No, I just want to understand," Min said. Half-consciously, she reached up and touched the scab on her cheek. Shen noticed. She saw his gaze turn down to the side again, and she realized he was looking at the bloodstain on the carpet, and that was when Min knew she would come out of the day alive.
"What is the use of understanding? The world has no place for empathy," Shen said with something akin to sadness.
"That isn't true. You just haven't looked in the right places," Min said, thinking of the wolf. "Give it a chance."
"The time for chances has waned," Shen said. "The past cannot be changed. I have made my choices, and I mean to see them through." He picked up his invention from the table, and for the first time since they had met, Shen was the first to leave the room.
Lang is up next.