December thirtieth Darcy started having contractions.

"Whoa! This is it, Nate. We're off to see the wizard! That is, your uncle."

"Baby's coming?" He asked excitedly.

"Baby's coming," Darcy agreed.

She'd had a bag already packed for the last month, just in case, and she grabbed it now. In a matter of minutes they were out the door.

She called Jane en route, and Jane started clearing the living room.

"This is it! It's finally happening!" Jane exclaimed.

Five hours later:

"So, it may have been a false alarm," Darcy said. Her contractions had only lasted an hour, and then nothing.

"But I want to see the baby now!" Nathan whined.

"Me too, buddy. But I guess baby needs a little more time."

Darcy stood in the middle of an orchard, a basket on one hip, her silken mahogany locks flowing down her back and around her waist. There was such an air of innocence about her- never had she been touched by sorrow, or trouble. She glowed with trust. Something insidious inside of him acknowledged how tempting it was to corrupt that trust, whispering that it would be so easy...

She was picking the golden apples of immortality that kept the gods young and youthful- she was the keeper of Time, and she could make it do as she wished though she did not know it. Loki could see the potential in her as clearly as the sweetness in the curve of her smile as she noticed him.

"Hello," she called out, and her voice was soft and smooth as silk.

But it mattered not. He had been dragged into a promise, and he must carry out his part of the deal. Secretly, he thrilled to it, even as his conscience denied it.

'Bring me the keeper of the Gods' golden apples, Loki, along with her bounty' the eagle had said, and, filled with agony as his flesh peeled from his bones as he was dragged in it's iron taloned grip over jagged rocks and thorns, he had finally relented.

He smiled charmingly. "Darcy! I've come at once. You cannot imagine- I can hardly believe it myself!"

"What is it?" Darcy asked, her brown eyes wide with intrigue.

"There is a tree, in Midgard, beyond the Bifrost- it is unlike any tree I have seen in this or any realm. It stands alone in a glade and from it there is a glow such as the moon itself- and Darcy, on it's branches grow golden apples. Just as yours do- and perhaps even give immortal life. We should take them for the gods at once!"

Darcy's mouth fell open with excitement and quickly voiced her agreement. Loki reminded her not to forget her own apples, so as to have a comparison, and they made their way to Midgard over the Bifrost.

On the other side, the eagle waited. As soon as Darcy set foot on Midgard, it flew out of a bush and snatched her up in it's great talons and bore her away.

Without Darcy's apples, Asgard quickly fell apart. The gods' skin wrinkled and they shrunk, their minds going soft. Loki reveled in the chaos, though he tried to deny it to himself, and finally Odin ordered Loki to bring Darcy back or else face death.

So Loki turned himself into a falcon and flew to Jotunheim, for he knew that the eagle was really only a Frost Giant in disguise.

He found Darcy in a hut at the very top of one of the tallest mountains. The wind howled around it and it's floor was covered in snow. Darcy sat huddled in a corner on some straw, her fine, mahogany hair dulled, and her bright eyes no longer twinkled. She saw him and shrank from him, shivering with cold and fear and Loki felt shame grip him as if acid had been poured down his throat: this then was the result of his weakness, and of the darkness that lived inside of him. First Sif and now Darcy. Was he doomed to forever take that which was beautiful and good in the world and break it, and ruin it, and change it into something that was a horrid, sad mutilation of what it had once been? What he touched, he tarnished. He was not fit to lick even Heimdall's boots.

He had never hated himself more.

"Darcy..." he said, and his voice was rough from emotion. She began rocking back and forth, and tears slipped down her pale cheeks, freezing into droplets at her chin in the coldness.

There were footsteps at the door then and Loki had to act fast. Darcy would not be coming willingly with him and he needed to leave. So he turned her into an acorn and carried her in his beak out the window and back to Asgard, clutching her basket of apples in his talon.

"What are we to do with these?" Odin asked angrily upon his return, pointing at the apples, which had rotted, their golden skin now brown and sunken.

"Whatever you bloody well like," Loki snarled, tense and filled with an explosive self-loathing. "Shove them up your arse for all I care."

Odin snarled with rage but Loki stalked off and Odin could not follow him, more affected than Loki by the absence of the apples. Loki was still young, and he did not feel their loss. He walked on for a ways with no particular destination in mind, busy mentally flogging himself.

What kind of person was he? he wondered. He had gotten a rush from the idea that Darcy would be in danger, that she would be forever changed. He could deny it all he wanted- and gods did he want to!- but in his heart of hearts, he knew. He could have found a way around his promise. I f he had tried, he could have.

But he hadn't, had he?

Perhaps Frigga was right to hate him. He had always tried to tell himself that she just didn't know him, that if she had ever tried then she would have found something worthwhile in him- for surely there must be one thing about him that was not just utter shit- but maybe she had been right all along. Maybe he had been deluding himself; playing the wolf in sheep's clothing.

The gentle scent of geraniums was suddenly all around him and he looked up. It was that woman again, with hair blacker than the night and a smirk that said she knew every shameful thing he had ever thought, and that she found it amusing.

"Kicking ourselves while we're down, are we?" She asked with a laugh. She always had something to smile about. There was nothing she took seriously. "What fun," she drawled.

He scowled at her. There was something about the woman that raised his hackles. She just showed up, out of the blue, when he was alone. Saying odd things, and generally being...strange. There was something childlike about her- not an innocence, but the brutal egotisticallity of a toddler that would have what it wanted and let everyone be damned if they would not give it to them.

"Leave me be, woman," he growled. He had not the patience for this.

She raised a brow. "So angry." She tutted. "And rude. Has no one ever taught you manners?"

"Speak your piece and be done with it then," Loki said through gritted teeth, his self-directed anger only too happy to expand so it could encompass her as well.

"I ought to take you over my knee," the woman snapped, angry for the first time since he'd known her, and her hair rippled as if by a wind. But they were on Asgard, and there was no wind. "Sometimes I do not know why I even bother with you. Never in my life have I met one as ungrateful for my company as you. I've helped you- have I not helped you? I've given you books of spells, I've given you knowledge, I have given you all that you have asked for-"

"Except peace," Loki muttered under his breath.

Her jaw clenched, her blue eyes shards of ice, and Loki regretted his flippant words. But she swallowed it back and forced a somewhat sharp laugh.

"Oh Loki," she said softly, her voice all false sympathy. "You were not meant for peace. There will come a day when you will stand over the graves of all you hold dear, and your anger and sorrow will know no bounds. The great tree Yggdrasil itself will shiver with fear of your might. You are meant for great things, my young apprentice, but you were not made for peace." She snarled the last word as if it were an obscenity.

Loki stared at her. She had certainly won his full attention.

"What is this?" Loki asked suspiciously, struck afresh by the absurdity of her and her visits. He shivered with a sense of foreboding- there had been utter surety in her words, and, almost- more puzzlingly- pride. "Why do you come to me? What is your business with me?"

For it was true- she had given him books of spells when he had wanted for them, and she had taught him much that he could not have learned on his own, for she was well versed in magic. Clearly she viewed him as an apprentice of sorts, and yet...why? How would she even have gotten the idea in her head? As far as he knew, the rest of Asgard remained oblivious to his new quest to conquer magic. He had made sure that none had seen as he turned himself into a hawk to rescue Darcy. Frigga might have her suspicions, but she seemed to have voiced none.

She just looked at him archly, her smile superior.

"At least tell me your name then," Loki cried in frustration. She could give him that much.

"What is in a name though," she asked with a smirk. "except a label that others have given us? I prefer not to let them. You may call me..." she thought for a moment, and then smiled, pleased. "Yes. Yes that will do nicely. You may call me Agda."

"I would rather not call you anything," Loki said with frustration. How was he supposed to trust a woman who could not even give him a name! And that rubbish about 'labels' was utter lunacy. He did not believe it for a moment. "I would rather you leave me in- alone," he corrected, annoyed that her previous speech had affected him so much. "I would rather be alone."

Something flashed in her eyes that Loki could not follow, and she simply said, "Very well then," and a moment later, she was gone. The scent of geraniums lingered.

Loki walked on, going over this new information in his mind. The self-recrimination had come back as soon as she left and stopped distracting him from it.

He had not been meaning to, but his feet had led him to Darcy's orchards. The trees were barren now, their leaves dead and withered. Darcy knelt on the grass in their midst, her body returned to it's previous state, even if she herself would never be the same again.

Loki wondered how she had gotten back to her orchards without being mobbed by gods and goddesses eager for apples that did not exist anymore in the capacity they desired. He had meant to- something. Help her, perhaps. But Odin had sidetracked him, and she had disappeared.

"I suppose you're very pleased with yourself," she said dully, looking up at him. And how different she was now from the last time he had seen her in this very spot. She seemed weary now, and harder, though beautiful as ever. Her eyes had smiled once, but now they were only sad. Loki stood awkwardly, completely at a loss for what to say.

He looked around, slightly desperately, wishing that he could think of something- anything- to say. But what could he say? 'I'm sorry'? It wasn't enough. It could never be enough.

"Your apples..." he said finally, looking at the barren tree.

"Dead," she said simply. Sadly. They were her life's work. She had tended them with care and devotion for many years. "All dead."

"Maybe they will grow back," Loki said and inside he was screaming at himself. Why didn't he just go!? Why could he not seem to leave her!?

"Is it fun?" Darcy asked detachedly. "To...hurt people?"

Loki could say nothing. Shame made him mute. One day, he vowed, he would be able to fill any silence. One day, he would never be without the right words to say.

"I wouldn't think so,"she said. "But maybe there's only one way to find out." The sadness in her eyes turned to anger. "I hate you," she said softly, and Loki flinched. "I hate you." With more venom now. "Do you know what he did to me?" Loki could guess. Her lip curled and she looked away. "Leave me," she said wearily. "I cannot stand the sight of you."

Helplessly, Loki did- half of him hating that he felt like such a slave to that darkness inside of him, and the other half hating that he felt like such a slave to the regret and shame that he now felt.

But of one thing, he was in complete agreement with: he hated himself.

"Sif, do not," Loki warned sharply.

He was in a foul mood. His nightmares had shifted away from that horrible day, but had grown no less harrowing. Instead he had started dreaming memories of old that his sleeping mind twisted so that whoever the memory had been about, their own face was replaced by Darcy's. He had played much mischief in his youth, and much of it had left victims. His mind had many possibilities to choose when it came to tormenting him, and it seemed eager to do so.

Meanwhile Sif had been coming on to him for the past few weeks, and he was not appreciative. It felt like the greatest of insults- that she had the audacity to think that Loki would still want her after he'd had Darcy.

Sweet, silly, lovable Darcy. How had they worked together? he wondered now. How had they been happy!? Along with the memories, Loki had begun realizing just how different he was now. He wasn't the man he had been with her. Had never been that man. He couldn't be that man, who had been so ordinary. So uncomplicated. And that's who Darcy had loved. That's who she expected to come back.

So how could he go back to her? How could he show up as the bruised, dark, fucked up man that he really was? She would shrink away, and he would not be able to blame her.

And yet it would shatter his heart completely if she did.

"I was not about to do anything," Sif said, looking a little hurt but mostly offended. "I was just going to suggest that, perhaps, since you had been on the mortal realm for the past few years that you had forgotten how real women-"

There was a time when he would have been overjoyed at the promise of her words, but now they just repulsed him. On some level he realized that he was probably overreacting, that she had not even known Darcy, and that, really, what had happened so long ago hadn't entirely been her fault. But his anger was stronger, and his wounds with Sif ran deep.

"Enough," Loki snapped menacingly, his face cold and unforgiving. "Speak one more word and you will regret it for a very long time."

Sif opened her mouth, but paled and thought better of it a moment later. Offended and a little frightened, she turned away with a huff, leaving Loki standing alone in the middle of the palace's gardens.

He'd been on his way to look over the Bifrost frame again, for the thousandth time, just to make absolutely sure there was really nothing else he could do while he waited. Now though, he felt a little sick. He knew he could not ever be tempted by another woman. The only woman for him was waiting for him, so far out of his reach- in more ways than one- at the moment that it was laughable.

It had been about three and a half weeks since he'd last seen his wife and son, but it felt like months. Perhaps in part because he knew that for them, it had been months. Almost nine, to be exact. What must they be thinking?

He hoped Thor had gotten back alright, and that Loki had at least been able to do that much. And maybe Thor had been able to explain a little better what was going on- Darcy must be so confused.

And Nathan! He missed the little boy so much. He was such a happy child- and so different from Loki in so many ways. And yet Loki could see parts of himself in him- how he had a habit of examining things he didn't understand for a long time, and not wanting to ask for help. Nathan wanted to do everything on his own, and being a bright boy, often could.

How could Loki face them? And yet, how could he not try. He had to get home to them. And if Darcy demanded he leave, then...

Loki took the ring off his finger, checking almost anxiously the engraving inside it, feeling sick at heart, and then put it back on, slightly heartened.

He realized that the last thing he wanted right now was to confront what was keeping him here. He knew the frame was sound. He knew he could do no more at present. Instead, he left the gardens and decided to go off into town.

He hadn't even realized, but he'd unintentionally been cooping himself up in the palace. He hadn't been outside it's perimeter even once in nearly a month.

Yes, he decided. A walk into town was just what he needed. The hustle and bustle of the city would surely take his mind off of the heavy thoughts that he wanted so badly to escape from.

His heart felt a little lighter at the prospect, and he hummed a little as he walked.

If he had stopped to think about it, he would have realized that he was humming part of one of Darcy's old favorite songs, "Call Me Maybe".

The real contractions started late on New Year's eve. There was nothing remarkable or different about the birth, and four exhausting hours later, in the wee hours of New Year's Day, a perfect little girl was born.

Well.

"Oh wow," Darcy sighed, holding the baby in her arms and staring at her in amazement. "Holy smokey bear- look at her. She's so beautiful."

Liam and Isaac had, amazingly, slept through the whole thing, but Nathan had woken up not too long before the baby was born. Thor had kept him in the kitchen, busy playing games.

"She is indeed," Jane smiled, though her smile was a little strained at what Darcy had glossed over. "What are you going to call her?"

The first time round, Darcy and Loki had talked over names the whole pregnancy. But this time, Darcy hadn't even really thought about it until the last month. She been considering a few, but seeing the baby it was like the baby chose her own name.

"Elaisa," Darcy said, looking adoringly down at her.

"Oooh, I've never heard that one before," Jane smiled. "A unique name for a unique baby." She looked over her shoulder towards the kitchen. "Nathan wants to come in and see the baby. Is that okay or do you want to rest?"

Darcy was pretty tired, but she wanted Nathan to see the baby.

"Send him in," she said magnanimously, feeling like a somewhat rumpled queen.

Nathan was so cute the way he kind of crept into the room, unsure. Darcy smiled.

"It's okay, Nate. Come on over and meet your sister Elaisa."

"She's so little," Nathan said, surprised. At six pounds, she was actually pretty average, but in Nathan's self-proclaimed 'grown up eyes' she was tiny. "Was I that small?"

"You sure were, buddy," Darcy said.

"Wow," Nathan breathed. "And were my eyes like that, too? How come they're red?"

She did indeed have red eyes. They were bright and curious, and a startling contrast to her pale, slightly flushed yet faintly blue, skin- and a far cry from the bigger, red-faced baby that Darcy remembered Nathan to have been.

In every way, she was a striking baby. From her delicate, petite frame to her pale blue skin- the red eyes, and a light, downy cap of jet black soft curls. She was beautiful, and almost ethereal. Darcy couldn't believe that she'd made this baby- except there was her chin, in miniature form. Also, the fact that she'd birthed her. That helped a lot with the believing thing.

"Nope. She's got some pretty unusual peepers there."

Nathan nodded, tilting his head as he considered her. He leaned down close to her and whispered. "Hi baby. I'm your brother."

The baby stared back at him curiously. She waved her little hands at him and he came closer. Then she whacked him on the nose and started crying.

"Ow!" Nathan exclaimed, surprised. He rubbed his nose and frowned at the baby.

"I'm sorry, honey," Darcy said, trying not to smile as she calmed the baby down.

"I don't think she's done yet," Nathan sniffed, his nose in the air. "Put her back and we'll wait a little longer."

That morning Loki was visiting Baldr.

"Cannot you just go the old-fashioned way?" Baldr asked curiously. "Or is walking too good for the great Loki."

"No," Loki shook his head miserably. He had sunk back into doubt again, and it's teeth would not release him for anything. "It's not that- there is a great, surging river that surrounds Jotunheim. It's waters roar and rage such that only the most well-crafted of boats can make the journey. A dwarven-made ship. That's what I would need."

"And Odin does not possess one?" Baldr frowned. Surely he must. He was the king of the gods!

"No, he has one."

"Then shape up, brother!" Baldr exclaimed, confused by Loki's continued air of hopelessness. "Surely he will lend it to you. Then you can get what you need to go back to your family." He clapped Loki on the back. "This is good news! Why can you not smile?"

But Loki couldn't smile. It was true. He supposed he did possess the mean to go. His journey was not at all as impossible as it had felt yesterday. And yet...

"What if it works?" was all he could say.

Baldr scowled at him, displeased. "Then what you have been trying to achieve since you got here will be accomplished. I was under the impression that you loved this woman, Loki. Do you deny it now?"

It was because he loved her that he was worried. He had been so decided just a few days earlier. But now...was he being selfish? he asked himself. Would it really be in Darcy's best interest for him to return? He was such a prize, he thought with withering self-hate.

"More than anything," he said simply. His heart yearned for her always despite the fact that he did not deserve her, his arms ached to hold her. His eyes, to gaze upon her face. Just to bask in the warm, comforting cadence of her voice. Everything about her called to him, even more strongly than when he'd been with her before. Perhaps he had had to grow darker to better appreciate the light that shone in her so strongly.

And she loved him. She did. He knew she did even as his mind struggled to comprehend how.

And suddenly it was blindingly clear: he would go then. Of course he would go. It didn't matter if it was selfish of him or not, he would do what he had to do to make it back to her. He could dally about for any amount of time worrying how it would turn out, but in the end, he would always go. As long as her arms were open to him then he would find a way to be in them.

He simply didn't possess the will to stop himself.

Darcy thought she could vaguely hear knocking. She'd been catching a quick nap that afternoon while the baby slept, but she was finding it harder to sink into a deep sleep these days. It had been the same when Nathan was born. Like her mothering instincts had taken over and dictated that she could only sleep lightly, because the baby would need something and she had to get it for them right away. Which worked out not so great for getting some rest.

It had been two weeks, and life was a good deal more complicated than it had been.

Elaisa was a good baby. She didn't cry very often, and she slept more regularly than Nathan had at that age. But she was...unpredictable in a slightly terrifying way. After a few days, the red of her eyes had faded to a warm chocolate- the same color as Darcy's eyes, and the blue tint to her skin had faded into a pale ivory-rose. Which was, admittedly, a bit of a relief. It would have been hard explaining that to people.

The problem was- though it wasn't such a big problem during winter, except that it looked bizarre and worrisome indoors- Elaisa's skin and temperature was much colder than a normal baby, and because of that, when she was in a warm room her exhales created fog. Not a huge deal because Darcy had been inside a lot of the past two weeks (Jane and Thor kindly offering to get Nathan to and from school), and it wasn't that noticeable. Just enough to be odd.

Putting some slippers on, she got up and opened the door.

"Oh," Darcy said rather stupidly, her mind still a little hazy from sleep. "No."

"Surprise!" Darcy's mother exclaimed, grinning and embracing her in an enthusiastic hug.

"Hey there kiddo," her dad smiled, clapping her shoulder.

They both looked quite pleased with themselves.

"So where's my newest grandbaby?" Darcy's mom asked, brushing past her into the house.

"Umm...what?"

It all happened in about thirty seconds. Finally processing the fact that her parents were here to see their very unusual granddaughter, she started getting a little nervous.

Following her parents back inside, she tried to head them off.

"Well, actually, it's kind of her nap time right now, so-"

"Ooh." Her mother practically wilted.

Darcy was about to heave a sigh of relief when Ellie started crying. Her mother visibly brightened.

"Do you hear that, honey?" She said to Darcy's father. "The baby woke up just for us." She sounded annoyingly pleased.

"Yeah. Wow. How about that," Darcy said, resigned. "I'll go get her."

Ellie stopped crying when Darcy picked her up. Instead she just looked at Darcy with wide eyes and a little smile, and like she always did, Darcy melted. Ellie reached her arms out then and yanked Darcy's hair, still smiling at her.

"Ow! Oh you vicious little thing," Darcy cooed affectionately, un-entangling her hair from Ellie's hands and pushing it out of reach. "You are a little warrior, you know that? I wouldn't be surprised if you grew up to be a football player or a lawyer or something. Now, honey, I need you to be a good girl for mommy. Your gramma and grandpa came all this way to meet you, but they don't know how special you are, and I don't know if they would understand. So I need you to keep your tricks for after they leave, okay?"

Ellie made more grabbing reaches for her hair and started making funny little noises.

"I know, sweetie. You want my hair. But I want my hair too. Let's compromise and I get what I want and you don't."

Darcy shifted her onto hip- she was getting heavy already- before taking her out to the living room where her parents waited.

Loki poured over what few maps had been made of Jotunheim. They were rough and probably not the most accurate, because it was a realm that had not much been explored. But if there was any truth to them, Loki would have to get right into the heart of the realm.

He spent hours memorizing them, itching to just leave now and damn the impracticality of that. He needed to prepare- Jotunheim was a desolate, dangerous realm. Discounting the pissed off Frost Giants and great beasts that lived there, it's climate alone was enough to give one pause. He needed to think things through.

Jane dropped Nathan off a few hours into Darcy's visit with her parents, and there was much exclaiming about how big Nathan was getting and what was he doing these days and so on.

Ellie had been behaving like a perfectly normal baby, and after a while Darcy had relaxed. It was so nice to see her parents again. She always forgot how good it was to see them after being apart for a while.

Nathan entertained them all by doing an impression of Alan Rickman (Snape having become his hero after listening to the books on tape and then being sat down in front of the TV by a delighted Darcy).

Her mother took her aside at one point as they made tea in the kitchen.

"I'm so proud of you, Darcy. I hope you know that."

"Aww, mom! That's so sweet of you- of course I know that." Her eyes started stinging a bit. She was still a little hormonal.

"I mean it. I really do. I think it's fabulous- two kids, and all on your own. I just can't believe their father left." She shook her head disparagingly.

"Well, Thor and Jane are amazing," Darcy admitted. "They've really been my rocks. I'm so grateful to them, I can't even tell you."

"I'm sure they have been, but don't sell yourself short. You're an amazing woman, Darcy Lewis."

Her silly mother, forgetting. "Actually ma, it's Darcy-"

But Nathan came zooming in with a blanket over his shoulders just then.

"I'm a pterodactyl! I'm a pterodactyl!" He shouted, pecking at Darcy's arms.

"Okay, honey, okay. But if you see a little boy called Nate, can you tell him his tea is done and that if he wants he can have a cookie?"

Nathan quickly dropped the blanket. "Look! It's me! I can have cookie?"

Darcy laughed. "That was fast," she said, ruffling his hair.

He squirmed away, sticking his tongue out at her and grabbing a cookie. "No take backs!" he yelled, snatching up his cape again and screeching his idea of a pterodactyl caw in between bites of cookie.

Darcy's mom laughed. "He's as much of a handful as you were."

Darcy grinned. "But of course."

They carried the tea out to the living room and sat down again.

"Here ya go, grandpa," Darcy said, setting his mug in front of him.

He had Ellie on his lap and he was reading Shakespeare to her while she played with his keys. Nathan had settled down, laying on his belly under the coffee table lapping at his tea like a dog.

Yup. Life was pretty good.

Her dad cleared his throat and continued reading.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo- wherefore art thou Romeo?"