"Loki!"
He has lost his mind. Finally. Blessedly. After all this time hovering at the edge of it, dipping his toes in, pulling back- and then on the beach, with Darcy, able to look at the waves but to stay dry. Now he is baptized by it. He is reborn. And Darcy...
Loss has tightened him inexorably. He is no stranger to pain, both physical and psychological, but not even Baldr's death has touched him like this. He can't eat. Can barely sleep. And when he dreams he dreams of Darcy, and of a small boy- only to wake gasping, chest aching. His heart screaming that this is all wrong.
"Loki! Brother-"
But he has found a way to deal with the pain. All he must do is let go, and he is happy to do so. Revenge is the truest friend he could ever hope to make. It was Asgard that let Darcy down. It is Asgard that will pay.
"-the Norns. I know you are in pain, but I beg you brother: cease this madness!"
There is such energy to be had in war. All the vitality of life is brought to the fore, and it invigorated Loki despite the sleep he has not had. He is barely even aware of his actions as he moves through the ranks. Sorcery, sword, hands- he uses them all indiscriminately.
Chaos all around him.
A smile pulls at his lips. At least there could still be some beauty left in the world.
The clang of steel on steel, the cries as muscle and skin are separated from bone. All around him the scent of burnt flesh. Fire Giants and their tendencies.
And Loki in the middle, wreaking carnage on all sides. He doesn't discriminate who his targets are- allies, or enemies... All have done something to deserve death. And he is so strong; he is thrumming with power like a blade, his very being vibrating with it. It would be impossible for him not to use it. Like putting your head in a tiger's mouth, shutting it, and then telling it not to bite you.
Pointless.
A jolt of power and a Frost Giant crumples, knees landing with a squelch on the red grass, then it's face. To his left Frigga, face drawn, is cutting foe after foe down but still she is outnumbered. They are all outnumbered. Bodies piled up along the ground and still thousands fought on. The war will never stop.
He laughs. The war will never stop.
"Loki!" A desperate roar now.
Turning, he feels his lip curl. Thor.
His blond hair is in disarray, tangled against his sweaty forehead. His armor blood-spattered, his forearm bleeding from a shallow wound.
"Loki, stop this madness," he says, and Loki narrows his eyes, striding forward to meet him.
"Brother," he mocks, giving a slight bow. "Or should I call you my king? Seeing as our old one is dead." It had been...deflating, seeing Odin cut down. He had fought valiantly, and long, but he was weakened. An old injury, Loki remembered, that had never truly healed... He'd thought to find satisfaction from his father's death, but had found none. Couldn't help remembering his last meeting with him, how it rang so different from the others...
But now Thor is here, Mjolnir swinging from his big hands. Mjolnir.
His lips curl. Thor does not deserve such a weapon. It should be Loki's...
But as long as he stays nimble, as long as he stays on his toes, he will be fine. It is not the first time he has fought Thor; it is simply the first time he thinks he might not mind if he actually kills Thor.
"-would Darcy say, brother?"
The name jolts him like a firebrand, sending instant shocks of pain and longing through him.
"Do not speak her name," he hisses. "You are not worthy of it."
Thor looks relieved. "Brother, she is not dead."
A wild hope sears him. He nearly chokes on it. "Do not lie to me," he snarls. "I watched her fall. I held her in my arms. She is dead. Dead," he chokes. "So please do me the fucking courtesy of not lying to me." He had buried her himself. There is a bouquet of sunflowers resting above her that will never die.
Thor steps to the side just as Loki's blast erupts from him. He is fighting defensively, Loki has noted with amusement. Like it is going to stop Loki.
"I have spoken to the Norns. There is a way for her to come back."
Loki's heart stopped. He stilled. "What?"
Again, Thor looked relieved. "There is a way to bring her back. Her soul lives on. I have spoken to them. It is so."
Loki narrowed his eyes at him, prowling in a semi-circle around him, Thor turning as Loki walked so that they were always face-to-face. "Why have I never heard of it before then?" Thor was lying. He had to be lying. It was impossible- he had buried her body. He had seen her eyes blank; her skin cooling. She was dead. "If this is possible then why have many not done it?"
"They said it was complicated."
Loki snorted. "Of course they did."
Thor made a sound of annoyance. "Brother I understand it was very difficult to lose your wife, but look at what you've done-" He gestured to the battlefield around them, to the fighting still going strong. The Dark Elves had needed little coercion to fight against Asgard. Bad blood ran deep between Asgard and many of the realms.
"She wasn't my wife," Loki said. Odin had called her the same thing. A boy, his brown eyes looking up at Loki. "Daddy! No!" Darcy looking at him in confusion and sadness.
Loki shook his head, but the image was hard to dispel. Losing my mind...
No. Already lost it.
Or had he? He felt remarkably more lucid at the moment than he had for some time.
"Loki," Thor was saying, looking at him oddly. "Darcy was your wife. You were married for nearly four years. Can you not remember her?"
"I thought I was the insane one." Loki whistled.
"You cannot remember," Thor said, his face slack with surprise.
"I am not in the habit of remembering things that have not happened, no," Loki smirked.
"She could not remember it either. Something very strange is going on-"
"Remind me again," Loki asked curiously, examining his nails for a moment. Ragged and short. "Why I shouldn't kill you?"
"This grows tiresome, Loki," Thor snapped. "Stop acting the child. Tragedy happens. How you deal with it says much about the person you are."
"Are you threatening me?" Amusement lit Loki briefly.
"I'm warning you. You're hurting. I am too. Darcy was a sister to me. And I come home to find that not only is she dead, but I have lost a brother I did not even know I had." He turned grief-filled eyes to Loki. "You do not have a monopoly on anger, or sadness." His voice turned gravelly with emotion. "Do not make me lose another brother, Loki. Go to the Norns. Bring Darcy back to us. Bring her back to her children. To your children."
Loki laughed incredulously, more amused than angry. This was a bit much, really... "My children? I have no children. You should not play mind games, brother. You are poor at them, as you are poor at everything."
"Enough!" Thor snapped. "I know not what has happened to you Loki, but your son and daughter are here, in Asgard-"
"Really," Loki drawled, fingers tapping along the scepter's length. "And who is supposed to have born them?" He asked sardonically.
Why would Thor say these things? What could possibly make him think Loki would believe that he had children he couldn't remember?
Thor growled in frustration, for all the world seeming like an angry lion. "Who the bloody hell do you think, Loki? Obviously Darcy."
Again Loki is jolted, thrust back into the memory of his helplessness; of how he could do nothing but watch in shocked horror as she fell, and fell.
"I told you not to say her name!" he hissed, shooting another fireball at Thor, and cursing his agility when Thor dodged it. "You court my wrath very eagerly, brother. Perhaps for the sake of your sweet little bit you should refrain. What was her name? Jane?"
"You do not remember her?"
"What? Small little scientist from the desert? Somehow cast a spell on you?" Loki made a face. "Frankly, I don't see the appeal. Mortals are so fragile, and pathetic."
"I- how can you say that? Your own flesh and blood, and Darcy-"
"My own flesh and blood! Brother, please. If you're going to lie to me, at least try and be convincing. This watching you fail is making me want to throw up on you. And I told you not to say her name."
Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir, his big muscles flexing as he worked his jaw. "Someone is playing with our minds, Loki. Someone is making a mess of everything..."
Loki glanced pointedly around at the destruction and raised a brow. "Yes. Me."
Thor frowned impatiently. "No- I don't know who it is, but they have much to answer for. It is not right to let a family forget each other."
Loki narrowed his eyes at Thor, trying to comprehend what Thor's motivation for the speech was. Perhaps someone was messing with someone's mind- but it was not Loki's. Clearly Thor was having issues.
"You don't believe me," Thor said, sadly. Loki raised a brow.
"Of course not."
"Come with me then-" he urged, holding a hand out to Loki. "Let me show you your children. Brother, you have but to see their faces to know they are yours. They are here in Asgard- while you bring war all around them," he added bitterly.
A shred of confusion pierced Loki, making him study Thor's face closer. Thor had never been a good liar. His eyes always gave him away. Loki had used it to his advantage many times. But Thor was very...serious. But I have no children!
The boy though...his green eyes so like his own. "Daddy! No!" He had spilled orange juice.
Loki blinked. Orange juice?
He hesitated. Thor seemed so genuine. Where was the self-obsessed braggart of his childhood? The world had tilted on him. First Odin and now this...
He had no desire to see children. There was simply no way he could believe they were his. It was impossible. But if there was even a chance to get Darcy back...
He cursed himself for a fool even as he entertained the hope. She is dead, he reminded his traitorous heart bitterly. The warmth leaving her skin.
And yet...
"You truly believe she can come back?" He nearly bit his tongue. He hadn't completely meant to actually say it.
"I would not have said anything if I was not sure. I know how deep false hope can cut." Thor's voice was strong and confident. "Go to the Norns."
He looked away, scowling. "I don't think they would feel inclined to help." He had not been exactly polite before. They would remember it.
Thor scoffed. "Whyever not?"
"I may have insulted them." Had insulted them...
"Of course you did." Thor sighed and Loki's hackles rose defensively. "And so now you will not even try?" Loki stared back stonily, and Thor's face was flooded with disappointment. "I see. My mistake. I was under the impression that you loved her. But I see I was-"
"I do," he snapped. Of course he did.
"Clearly not." He laughed humorlessly. "Is it really so much easier to kill than it is to ask for help?"
Well...yes.
Loki looked away. The sounds of battle echoed dimly all around him, his own breath sounding strangely loud. The sky's clear azure blue was mixing with hazy purple. It would be dark soon. The Fire Giants and Frost Giants fought on, Asgardians as well. To one side Frigga fought off two Fire Giants at once, her sword flying through the air like a whip, lashing here and there with incredible speed and skill. The grass was charred and upturned, and dyed red. The ground squelched with blood where one walked.
But I need this! Loki thought desperately. How could he let go? This chaos, this violence- it was all that was keeping him together at this point. Surely he would fall apart if he stopped to think about it for too long. Yet was this really helping him get over losing Darcy? He could admit now that it was true: he had loved her. He had loved her with everything in him, and now she was dead and buried in the ground.
"If you're lying to me-" Loki started.
"I am not lying. Go. Go and I will clean up your mess." He looked around at the battle disgustedly.
Loki hesitated. But he went.
The sounds of battle were replaced by Nidhog's chewing, echoing around the cave and leaving Loki reeling for a moment. After the constant reactant to danger and violence, suddenly it was so...still.
"So the high and mighty Loki returns." The voice was just as eerie and scratchy as he remembered. He barely resisted the urge to wince. It was the blind one who had spoken. She was the easiest one to communicate with, he had found.
"To beg us to raise his wife from the dead." The mad one smiled.
Wife. Loki's heart thumped. Coming from Thor it had sounded outlandish, but coming from the Norns? Could it be that Darcy really had been...his?
And begging? He hadn't thought of it, but if it came right down to it...yes.
"Can you do it?" He asked roughly.
The blind one examined her nails with pale eyes for long moments. "We are the Fates. We cannot do anything but see what is to come. However...I can tell you that she is in your future."
Loki released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, his heart beating out a painfully hopeful rhythm. "How? What must I do?"
"I might be willing to tell you." She tapped a gnarled finger to her cheek. "For a fee."
"Done."
They smiled. "What, not even going to ask what we want?"
"It does not matter. Take it."
"So be it," the deaf one spoke, her voice low and unearthly, scratchy. "You have to travel to Hel and find her soul there. Bring her back and she will be as an immortal."
An immortal? He frowned. "And it is that simple?"
The mad one tittered, raising a hand to her mouth, but the blind one rolled her dull eyes. "Yes. It's that simple. That's why you're always hearing about people who've done it." She smacked his shoulder. "There's a catch. Everything is a balance, yada yada yada, circle of life- basically, to even attempt to bring your sweetie pie back you're gonna need to kill someone from her gene pool."
"What?"
"Yeesh. Judgmental much? Anyways, to give life you have to take life, etc- I feel like I explained this pretty well with the whole 'circle of life' thing. Would you pay attention, please? And seeing as how I happen to know that your lovely cuddly-poo is adopted and that her birth family is...not available...looks like you'd have to kill one of your precious munchkins. So, Disappearing Prince- and it's an apt name, isn't it? Don't you worry sometimes that you'll disappear completely?"
Loki's face was impassive. He'd heard this new nickname frequently over the last few months, used with scorn and derision, usually.
"You do," she looked at him with satisfaction. "Not some strong, arrogant hero type, are you? Your mind is full of holes where memories should be, and dark corners that scream of insecurity and self-loathing. You are quite...fascinating."
She licked her lips, staring at him intently, and he was disconcerted to notice that the mad one was licking her own lips, the other simply staring at him unblinking. And their was such a hungry aura to them...
He shifted his weight slightly, uneasy.
As if to herself, she muttered, "All the things that you will do, dark one." She shook herself, blinking away the hungry look and becoming more shrewd, and sharply cruel. "But this is now. And I want to hear you say it- what will you be, prince? Will you be the husband, or the father?" She smiled sharply, her teeth bared intimidatingly.
Loki stared at her, the calmness of his voice belying the hammering of his heart. Father or husband. Father or husband. A young boy, his brown eyes so familiar... "Daddy! No!"
So be it. Because when it came down to it, there was really no choice at all. There was only one thing he could do.
Those twisted little bitches.
His magic. They'd taken his magic. Bloody hell, what was it with people and wanting him powerless!? True, he had caused a bit of trouble with it, but...what was a few wars between people he didn't care about? Honestly, the things people held grudges for.
But it wasn't even really that that he was so angry about.
She'd laughed suddenly, so hard that she had to wipe away tears from her eyes. "Just kidding. I swear, we should really get out more often. You don't have to kill you children." She had burst out laughing again at that and Loki could only stare, agog. "We're not barbaric, after all. No. If you can manage to convince her to leave Hel then she can be made immortal."
Loki had fought hard not to let out a roar of infuriation. They would have let him kill his own children!? But he clamped his jaw tightly, rather than screaming, and asked through gritted teeth, "How?"
"You're a sorcerer, aren't you?" she asked, raising a brow as if it was obvious. "Figure it out."
Loki frowned. Patience was not one of his virtues, and he had been sorely tried recently. "I cannot bring back the dead."
"But she's not dead," the mad one said dreamily, smiling.
"Yes she is," Loki said roughly. The warmth leaving her skin... He blinked, the wash of tears that had threatened him leaving.
"Well, yes, she is," the blind one agreed. "Mostly. But she hasn't been in Hel for too long. Which means she might be convinced to leave."
"Convinced-?"
"I wish this stuff wasn't all forbidden to talk about," she said grumpily. "Freaking Odin, am I right? Jeez..."
"Odin knows of this?" Loki asked. "He knows the dead can be brought back?" Baldr!
She rolled her eyes. "Well yeah. But he doesn't exactly want it to be common knowledge. Can you even imagine the pandemonium that-"
"We are all meant to die," the deaf one broke in, her voice hideous and grated, as if speaking for the first time in hundreds of years. "Even gods must die."
The blind one made a face and coughed into her shoulder. "Drama queen alert. No but she's right. People can't just go bring back their loved ones willy nilly. It upsets the order of things." She shivered. "It's unnatural."
Then why would they be helping me? Loki wondered.
"You're not special," she continued, as if Loki had asked the question out loud. "Not really. But we're going over Odin's head on this one because someone made a deal on your behalf, and it was..."
"Lovely," the mad one said, staring off at nothing, her eyes gone soft. "Like a dream."
"Like a dream," the blind one sighed in echo, her face gone soft as well. Loki stared at them in alarm. The softness vanished a moment later though, and she was back to her bristly, brisk self. "It was an offer we couldn't refuse. So here we are. You get your sweetness back, if you can convince her to come with you. The longer a soul stays in Hel the harder it is for them to leave. They forget what it's like to be alive. They lose the desire for it. And she's been there for a while when you were busy plotting the end of the world. Which, actually, btw doesn't come till later." She waved her hands. "But that's another story."
"I don't understand though. If she leaves Hel then she becomes mortal again? That's all she must do?" It couldn't be. It was so simple...
"No," she snapped. "Of course not. That's stupid."
Right. Well of course not. "So then what?"
"If she leaves Hel- and I do say if, because I don't like to tell people their futures- I'm very benevolent that way- then only her soul will be visible. A corporeal image of her body, which is not coming back by the way. That body is gone." She elbowed the mad one, who squeaked and glared at her. "What's that thing the Midgardians call it? A ghost. She'd be like a ghost. You could see her, hear her- but you couldn't feel her. That's where your sorcery comes in."
"How? What do I do?" Loki was so impatient to go... She was waiting for him. Had been waiting while he plotted and schemed for a stupid war. It was so meaningless now. Such a waste of time.
"Magic is the beginning of life. From it's seed all the worlds in all of the galaxies have sprung. It is no different in this case. You must simply breathe it back into her."
"You've just taken my magic!"
She had rolled her eyes. "Wow. Literal much?"
He managed to remind himself that he was not allowed to kill them, but it was difficult.
"No but you're right though. We'll loan it back to you when the time comes. But we'll be collecting again. With interest. Now get on out of here! Time's a-wasting!"
Now he stood at Hel's thresh-hold, heart hammering as the waves lapped towards his feet. Across the black river, the vast expanse of shadowy wasteland that was the world of the dead stretched on forever.
The air was cold, and still.
Shivering, Loki made for the small boat that would take him to Darcy.