Tick tock goes the clock And what then shall we see?
Tick tock until the day That thou didst marry me
"Does it even count?" River asked quietly.
"Count?" The Doctor swung around to look at her. "No. It's a non-linear Spiriform being. Why on Earth would it count?" He slowly recognised the look on her face as frustration. "Wait, does what count? Where are we?"
"Last time I saw you was on top of the great pyramid," River said. "In a universe that never existed."
"Oh…" the Doctor looked sheepish. "I always wondered why you never asked about that. I was expecting it at Easter Island. When you didn't ask I assumed you didn't want to give me a chance to wriggle out of it."
"Well?" asked River.
"Well what?"
"Are you wriggling out of it?"
"Excuse me, but I'm hardly the type to go wriggling out of things. Except, in emergencies, drains… and I once went camping on the lost moon of Poo, before it was lost obviously, and it took me half an hour to wriggle out of my sleeping bag. They always seem to put the zips in the strangest places. Then there was that time wriggling out of Elizabeth the first's chamber window, but it really wasn't what the guards thought…"
"Doctor."
"Oh, sorry, shouldn't be talking about Liz one's bedchamber right now…"
"Doctor!" River interrupted again.
"Right, then, well getting back to your question…"
"No Doctor, look!" River pointed over his shoulder, and the Doctor turned his head to see that the lights around the pink sponge-like creature encapsulated within the control console were fading.
"Wonderful," the Doctor smiled. "Ponds must have successfully distracted it, now all we have to do is…"
Meanwhile River had darted through the door, planted a globe next to the Spiriform controller and come running back out, bare feet silent on the metal floor.
"Stop talking, activate it, and run," River said urgently.
The Doctor sonicked the globe which began to glow. River grabbed her stilettos from the floor where she'd left them, took the Doctor by the hand and headed down the corridor at full sprint. They came to a junction just as the Ponds arrived from the other passage.
"Which way?" Rory asked urgently.
"Quickly Ponds," the Doctor took off towards the TARDIS. "No time to lose."
Behind them the glow intensified, nearly blinding them as the four piled into the safety of the control room, River and the Doctor moving up to the console to get the TARDIS into flight.
"You call that a plan?" Rory said angrily.
"It worked, didn't it?" the Doctor said defensively.
"Not you," Rory snapped. "Do you know what my wife did?"
River and the Doctor turned to look at Amy curiously.
"Well…" Amy looked from Rory to the two up on the platform. "We needed to draw the Spiriform consciousness away from the control room."
"You said you had a plan!" Rory exclaimed.
"I did have a plan," Amy said defiantly. "I never said it was a good plan."
"It was a terrible plan!"
"Stop!" the Doctor said loudly. "Either tell us what happened, or go bicker in your room."
"Fine," Amy stomped up to the platform and sat down on the couch. "We didn't have any trouble finding the spawning tanks, so we figured we had a few minutes to come up with a plan. But we couldn't really think of anything."
Rory interrupted angrily, "So then my wife…"
"Oi!" Amy cut him off angrily. "Do not call me that."
"You married me, didn't you?" Rory protested. "That makes you my wife."
"I will never be called your wife in that tone of voice."
Rory seemed to realise that Amy's fiery Scots temper was well and truly riled up. "Okay," he said more calmly, "But then Amy says she has an idea, tells me to keep still, and cartwheels out into the middle of the tanks yelling out that she's going to attack the sponge spawn, throw pointy things at them and empty their tanks 'til they all drown in the air."
"It worked though, didn't it? All the lights came up, and that scary sponge-brain thing started to glow." Amy looked back and forth between the Doctor and River, waiting for one of them to back her up.
River just laughed. "And people wonder where I got my sense of style."
"You did cartwheels?" the Doctor said incredulously. "In that skirt?"
"Really sweetie," River chuckled, "If I had legs like that I could do whatever I wanted too."
"What's wrong with your legs?" the Doctor asked, looking at River's stocking clad limbs.
"Oh, bless," River smiled, "Isn't he adorable?" River met Amy's eyes and the pair burst into laughter.
"Doesn't anyone care," Rory said firmly, "That Amy just basically ran in there and said 'I'm a target, look at me'."
"Don't blame me," Amy grinned. "It was the Doctor's plan first, I just paraphrased."
"I never!" the Doctor protested.
"You most certainly did," River corrected. "Everyone okay now?"
"Well, the transmitter has been fused, so the Spiriform won't be able to take over the oceans of Attar."
"And I didn't' even get to fire a shot," River said with a grin.
"Actually," Amy admitted, "I seem to have a slight injury."
"What's wrong?" Rory rushed to her side while the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and stepped up to the couple.
"Put that away Doctor," Amy blushed. "I think I just pulled a muscle slightly. It's been a long time since I did a cartwheel. Rory, help me up to our room."
Rory lifted Amy to her feet and helped her limp away to their quarters, the Doctor and River watching as they made their slow progress out of the room. Then the Doctor turned back to the console fiddling idly with the climate controls.
"That went rather well, don't you think?" River said quietly.
"Well, we went out for an evening of ballroom dancing, and it turned into your standard save an entire alien ecosystem from alien conquest," the Doctor smiled. "A happy ending for nearly everyone."
"And that tango wasn't bad either," River drawled. "Where did you learn to dip a lady like that?"
"Buenes Aires, 1894."
"Well," River purred in his ear. "You can take me dancing anytime. But right now I'm supposed to be back to Stormcage for cell check."
"I suppose you do," the Doctor stepped around the console, entering new coordinates then pulled a lever. River flicked a switch, then collected her shoes from the floor.
"Better keep her cloaked," she smiled. "I don't want the people at Stormcage noticing that I've been having unauthorised visitors."
The TARDIS rematerialised just inside River's cell.
"Thank you for a wonderful evening," River said politely, moving towards the doors.
"It counted," the Doctor said abruptly.
"What?" River stopped, still facing the doors but with new hope lighting her features.
"You and me," the Doctor explained. "On top of a pyramid, under the light of a dying timestream, with your parents bearing witness. How could anything count more than that?"
She turned slowly, smiling radiantly. "It really counted? So we are really married?"
"I'd be a fool to let you go," the Doctor said with a doting smile. He beckoned for her to rejoin him on the platform and pushed a button on the TARDIS console. The opening chords of a salsa drifted from the speakers. "Would you care to dance, my wife?"
River smiled as she stepped into his arms as naturally as a bird returning to its nest. "Always, my love."
They danced gracefully around the console, and this time when he dipped her it turned into a kiss filled with passion.
The first time River really, fully knew what she meant to her Doctor.
It was a few hours later that Amy walked into the control room to find River and the Doctor asleep on the tiny couch. River was draped across the Doctor's lap, tousled blonde curls concealing her face which was nestled into the Doctor's chest. The Doctor was cradling River, one arm around her knees, the other draped across her back, his hand at her waist. Most poignant of all was the Doctor's bowtie wrapped around River's hand.
Amy smile for a moment, taking in the sight of her raggedy Doctor and River, her best friend and her daughter, looking like two teenagers who'd fallen asleep in the backseat of a car after a heavy make-out session. And judging by the rich burgundy lipstick currently adorning the Doctor's ilps it had been quite the session. Amy darted back to her room for her camera, taking a couple of careful photos before hiding the camera in a pocket. Tempting as it was to leave them sleeping Amy couldn't resist having some fun at their expense.
"Oi!" Amy tried to keep a straight face as the two jerked awake, River bumping her head on the Doctor's chin. "And what sort of time do you call this? It's well past your curfew young lady. And you, Doctor, taking my daughter out dancing till all hours then necking like teenagers on the couch. Next time you ask for my consent I'll be having serious reservations."
Amy burst out laughing as the Doctor's expression went from shock to embarrassment. River simply smiled, planted a kiss on the Doctor's nose, then stood up and hugged Amy.
"Like you never saw worse when we were teenagers," River said with a smirk.
"Yeah," Amy agreed with a grin. "But that was before I knew you were my daughter, so it doesn't actually count."
"Oh, it counts," River said with a smug smile.
"So," Amy looked from River to the Doctor, "Does this mean you two have finally got it together? I mean, big drama wedding, end of the world, then the next times you see each other it's back to you flirting mercilessly."
"Things got complicated," the Doctor said quickly. "Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey."
"What my husband is trying to say," River interjected, "Is that this is the first time I've seen him since the pyramids."
"Oh," Amy looked understanding. "So what you're saying is that the mother of the bride just walked in on the wedding night."
River hugged Amy again. "No mother dear, just that we'd finally agreed that we really are definitely married."
"Your lives are way too complicated," Amy said with a laugh. "Now as well as syncing your diaries you're going to need a secret married handshake or something. Anyway, I'm back off to bed. Doctor, you need to take my daughter on a honeymoon somewhere nice, but maybe not when her parents are along for the ride."
Amy waved goodnight and headed back to her room. River looked at the Doctor speculatively. "She's not wrong you know."
The Doctor grinned. "And I'm already thinking of ideas. Did you know there's an observatory on Glissando where you can watch micro-galaxies form and implode again over a matter of days. Does that sound romantic? Or there's a beach with the pinkest sand in the universe on Epsilon III."
"They sound like lovely ideas," River said with an indulgent smile, stretching up on tiptoe to kiss him. "But I was talking about our complicated lives and diaries. I can hardly be asking you if we're married yet, that's the very definition of a spoiler."
"Oooh," the Doctor exclaimed, "Secret handshakes are cool."
"No they're not," River said firmly.
"How about I just kiss you? If you kiss me back I know we're married."
"Much as I like that idea Sweetie," River responded with another kiss. "Younger me would definitely kiss you back without hesitation. I'd be counting my lucky stars, not thinking it meant we were married."
"Okay, something more subtle then, can't be an obvious sign and countersign," the Doctor paused thoughtfully. "I have an idea, but you'll have to tell me if it works."
"Tell me."
"Have you ever greeted me 'Hello, sweetie' before this?"
"Hello sweetie," River tried the greeting out. "I like it, can't imagine why I haven't used it before, it's so me. Oh, or did I say it in Berlin? Though, we've both already done Berlin so that's okay. Wait, are you cheating? Is this a spoiler?"
"Not a spoiler," the Doctor stepped up to his wife and put his arms around her waist. "It would explain a few things though."
"So, hello sweetie it is then," River smiled and placed a finger on his lips. "And what will you be saying?"
"Trust me, you'll be able to work it out," the Doctor smiled, then kissed his wife lingeringly. "Now, I hate to put a dampener on things, but I set our landing for just before cell check, and that was hours ago. There are probably alarms and sirens out there announcing that the terrifying River Song has escaped again."
"Again? Darling you need to be more careful, that was definitely a spoiler."
The Doctor flicked on the scanner to reveal the dimly lit, peaceful cell outside. "Hmm, no sirens," he checked the chronometer. "Cell check in ten minutes, that's odd."
"I suspect," River said, patting the console affectionately. "That this may be one more instance of the TARDIS taking us when we needed to go, instead of when we asked her." She looked around with a smile. "I think this means she approves of us."
The Doctor thought back on the eccentric personification of the TARDIS he'd met. "Yes, I think she would definitely approve of you."
River looked up at her husband, smiling as she kissed him soundly once more.
"I better get back out there," she said reluctantly. "Goodnight my love."
"Goodnight my darling," the Doctor caressed River's cheek. "Stay out of this corner of your cell, and I'll see you tonight for our honeymoon."
"Stay where?" River queried.
"If I leave now I can't guarantee that I'll be back tonight, so I'm going to turn the exterior sensors off, make her invisible, and spend a day in the library. Amy and Rory can entertain themselves, we'll drop them somewhere on our way to our honeymoon."
"Ok," River teased, "I'll try to ignore the giant invisible box occupying the corner of my cell. But make sure you turn those sensors off, no peeking."
"You're my wife now River Song," the Doctor said cheekily, "I thought a little bit of peeking was allowed."
"Oh, Doctor," River straightened his bow tie with a secretive grin. "In most cultures the wedding isn't legal until after the wedding night. So until tonight, my love, no peeking." River rose up on tiptoe to plant a lingering kiss on her husbands lips. "Wouldn't want any spoilers, would we?"