Darcy's cheeks hurt from laughing so much. Loki was full of surprises, it seemed- including the fact that he had a talent for storytelling that had Ellie and Darcy crying with mirth.
She just couldn't get over how different he was from the man she'd first met, when he'd been all but chained to his tower by excruciating PTSD. He'd been so serious then- so tense and volatile. She'd been completely fascinated by him of course, but she never would have let him near her children. Especially when he became so obsessive over her- a dangerous kind of obsessive, with it's sharp edge of need and fear.
But then she'd died.
Kind of. And something had happened to him- he'd caught a case of White Knight Fever or something and come charging into Hel to bring her back. Sometimes it was nearly impossible to believe all the crazy things that had started happening in her life. It was so much like a fairytale- complete with literally being a princess, which was ridiculous in it's own right. But all she had to do was look out the window these days to be reminded that, oh yeah, she wasn't even on earth.
A few months ago she hadn't even remembered her husband, let alone thought about him all the time, like she was doing these days. And it really didn't help, seeing how sweet and adorable he was with Ellie, who adored him. She never would have thought it before, but...she could see where there could be a place in her life for Loki. In fact, it was starting to be hard not to see him in her life.
That should be a good thing, right? They were already married, after all... So why did she feel so nervous about it?
"-though I can't say with utter conviction that Thor never donned womens apparel again," Loki was saying, finishing his story of when Thor had had to pretend to be a woman.
Darcy and Ellie were both laughing when Loki looked to the side sharply, his smile fading to wistful insecurity.
"What is this?" Nathan was staring at them, spread out comfortably on a blanket, evidence that they'd been there a while strewn about them. Oh Nate, Darcy thought. He looked so guarded, but she could tell he was hurt that they hadn't invited him.
"Honey, we tried to find you, but no one seemed to be sure where you were," Darcy said. "Which, actually, I was just telling Ellie this morning that I'd really rather if you both-"
"Right," he interrupted. "Sorry. I'll make sure to leave a note next time or something."
Darcy blinked. She'd never heard that petulant, bitter note from Nathan. "Wait a minute," she said, "Can we talk about this for a minute?"
"I should go," Nathan said stiffly, shaking his head. "I'll be in my room," he said pointedly. "In case you want to leave me out of anything else."
Darcy watched with shock as he stalked away from them. "I'm so sorry," she told Loki, who was watching the boy walk away, his eyes unreadable. "He's never like that, I promise. He is the sweetest, most polite little boy..."
Loki waved her apology off. "Please. Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. And neither does Nathan. He doesn't remember me at all, and then here i come all of a sudden. Upsetting the apple cart, so to speak. It's I who should apologize."
"Don't be ridiculous," Darcy said.
"I'm really not." The serious way he said made it into an apology not just for this, but for everything. Darcy smiled gratefully at him, not so much at the apology but that he had felt the need to apologize. It was very telling of where he was.
Darcy stared off after Nathan. "I should talk to him," she said. "Would you mind staying with Ellie?"
"By all means, go. I think Ellie and I will get along just fine."
"You can teach me more about dragons!" Ellie said eagerly, and Darcy quirked a brow at Loki but said nothing.
"Alright. It's settled then. I'll be back soon. Hopefully with Nathan."
He was in his room, just like he'd said he would be, laying on his belly in bed, pouring over a thick book. She had to smile at the sight. He was only ten. Her little scholar.
She could tell that he knew she was in the room, but he didn't look up from his book.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, leaning against the back of the door.
"Not particularly," he said to the book.
"Do you want to bottle it up for years instead until it all bursts out one day in a messy train-wreck of emotions and accusations? Because that's a viable option too."
That finally earned gained his attention. "Mo-om," he said.
"I'm just trying to figure out what you want, honey."
"Well, I just- I don't- I don't like him." He looked at Darcy rebelliously.
"That's okay. I didn't like him either when I first met him." Well, 'first'...
"He's dangerous. And people say he's crazy. He started a war, mom."
"People," she said pointedly, "very often don't have all the facts."
Nathan rolled his eyes at this as if it was inconsequential. "Mom. He started a war."
Well, she couldn't really argue with that. "Do you know why he did that though?"
"Mom, does it matter?"
Darcy raised a brow. "Are you trying to tell me that the reasons for going to war are irrelevant? That it didn't matter why the Holocaust tuned into World War II?"
Nathan sighed deeply. "Well obviously not then," he said exasperatedly. Darcy just gave him a look, and he huffed, conceding her point. "Fine. What was his reason?" he asked tiredly.
"Er, right." Darcy shuffled her feet. "Well, from what I understand, he thought I was dead," she said. "And he didn't really...take it too well."
Now Nathan raised a brow. Good lord but he looks just like his father when he does that... "That's why?
"Well...yes. Okay, okay, so it's a bit of an overreaction for someone to have, but-"
"Mom. What would stop him from just doing the same thing all over again?"
Darcy had actually worried about that before, but she was confident now that that wouldn't be a problem. "He's a different person now," she told Nathan.
"But how do you know that?" he asked in frustration.
She blinked. "I just do." Nathan looked unconvinced. "Honey, maybe he is dangerous. And crazy. And a whole bunch of other terrible things. But do you think I would let him be around you if I believed that was true?"
"He's probably really good at lying," Nathan said stubbornly.
"Do you trust me?"
Nathan looked away sullenly. "Hmph. I guess so."
Darcy smiled, knowing her point was getting across. "And don't you think it's a good idea to form an opinion of someone based on getting to know them, rather than listening to gossip about them?"
Again, Nathan sighed deeply. "Yeah. I guess."
"Besides. He's your father. I'd imagine you'd be curious about him."
Nathan's face hardened, and Darcy sighed silently. Ah. And here was the real problem.
"Well you'd be wrong. I don't care about him at all."
"Hmm. Is that so."
"Yeah," Nathan said, staring intently at his book. "It is."
"So, you wouldn't care that he loves you very much. And that he missed you and wished he could be with you but wasn't able to get to us and went through quite a lot of trouble to try. You wouldn't care about that."
Nathan hesitated a beat. "Nope."
"Okay," Darcy said, sensing that it would do him good to think about this stuff on his own for a bit. "Well anytime you feel like talking about it, I'm sure he would love to see you." She kissed his forehead, and he ducked away as she ruffled his hair. "What are you reading?"
"Nothing."
Darcy smiled wryly. "Really. Cuz it looks an awful lot like something."
"It's nothing. It's just a book." He hovered protectively over it, and Darcy grinned.
"Alright alright. Keep your secrets."
"Close the door on your way out," he reminded her. Apparently she was notorious for forgetting.
"Don't I always?" She asked woundedly, placing a hand to her heart.
"No."
She waved the accusation away. "So sue me. Alright, enjoy your book kiddo."
Loki was just teaching Ellie some techniques for channeling her Frost Giant side when Darcy returned. Nathan-less, Loki noted with a hollow sense of disappointment. He didn't know how he was going to get through to the boy.
"What's this?" Darcy asked, gesturing a the two of them as she plopped down on the blanket.
"Daddy's teaching me about how to be a Frost Giant," Ellie bragged.
Daddy. The word made Loki glow with pride.
"Is he?" Darcy asked interestedly.
"Just a few tricks."
"Well, it's greatly appreciated, I assure you. It's been quite the mystery, what to do with this one. Boop." Darcy tapped Ellie's nose.
"I'm special," Ellie told Loki, repeating words Darcy had told her often when she had done something other kids didn't do.
"You certainly are," Darcy said, smiling lovingly at the girl. "Come here, monkey." She patted her lap, and Ellie crawled in, leaning against Darcy's back and playing with her hair.
"Daddy says I'm really good at it."
Darcy turned that loving, warm smile on Loki then, and he felt the ridiculous urge to preen under the affection. He cleared his throat. "You are a very quick student," he said gruffly, and Ellie beamed at him.
"See?" she asked her mom proudly.
"I see," Darcy said quietly, and Loki was transfixed by the depth of emotion in her eyes.
It was later in the day that they finally headed back inside, and Thor was just coming returning. He slid from his horse and passed it off to a groom, booming, "Brother! You look better than when i saw you last. And Darcy! I cannot even remember when last I saw you!"
He gathered them both in a tight hug.
"Uncle Thor!" Ellie cried, not wanting to be forgotten, and Thor released Darcy and Loki to scoop Ellie up and swirl her around in the air. She shrieked giggles until he swooped her down.
"I was saving the best for last," he said with a wink, and she grinned. He gave Loki and Darcy a long look. "I m going to be very curious to hear what happened between the two of you, but it will have to be later. I've been informed my wife has need of me."
"Thank god you're back," Darcy said, clearly relieved. "Go to her. Go to your woman, my liege."
Thor chuckled and chucked her under her chin. "It's good to see you again," he said quietly. Darcy nodded, and with a bow and a, "My lady," to Ellie, he was striding off.
No sooner had he left though, than Agda- or Vilda, he didn't even know anymore- came through. Unsure what he thought about the whole situation, Loki moved closer to Ellie and Darcy, just in case she tried something.
But she didn't even acknowledge Loki, instead greeting Darcy and Ellie with a wide smile. "Have you started remembering yet?" She asked Darcy.
Darcy sighed and shook her head, this clearly not being the first time she'd been subject to the question.
"Not at all?" Loki asked, perplexed. He'd thought... The way she'd been acting towards him that surely...
"Nope. Not even a little bit."
"Hmph," Agda grumbled. "Well if you would just let me-"
"No!" Darcy said, putting a hand on her hip. "I don't want you going through my head any more than you already have."
"Fine," Agda sniffed. "Be that way. See what i care."
"Well clearly you care a lot," Darcy mumbled under her breath, "or you wouldn't keep asking." Loki smiled.
"What was that?" Agda asked, her eyes narrowed.
"I said you should talk with your son."
Loki frowned. "That is not necessary," He said stiffly.
"Well I'm not going to talk to him if he doesn't want me to talk to him," Agda said archly, examining her fingernails.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "I swear to god. The two of you are exactly the same."
Vilda gasped at that, and Loki looked at Darcy sharply
"I am not," they both said at the same time, and then glaring at the other.
Darcy coughed. "I rest my case."
"Well," Agda huffed, not looking at Loki.
Darcy glared at Loki, who merely raised his brows at her. "Well, Ellie and I are going to get ready for dinner," she said shortly. "And if I see either of you before then, I will do...something drastic."
"See you soon daddy," Ellie chirped, following Darcy inside.
He watched them go, feeling himself get tenser by the second. He both wanted and dreaded this confrontation. He was of half a mind to just stalk away from her, but something stopped him.
She seemed equally unwilling to be the one to start the conversation, studying her fingernails as if the secret of life was written across them.
Finally, Loki just got impatient. "You've been telling people that you're my mother," he said. "Why."
She stiffened. "Because I am."
"Right. So why didn't you tell me? Or better yet, why did you leave me in a position where i would have to be told in the first place?"
Her eyes narrowed, and he had to admit that many of her features were ones he was used to seeing in the mirror. The dark, arched brows, the jet black hair. The sharp nose. He frowned, beginning to doubt himself.
"Well I'm telling you now," she said. "And of all the places you could have ended up, I'd say you lucked out."
Loki thought of how Frigga had treated him. The cool reserve, and the intolerance for his nature. Odin's disdain and disinterest. It didn't really feel like he'd lucked out.
"Why did you give me up at all?" He shot back.
"Because I thought you were-" she bit her lip, eyes flashing. Her voice low, she said, "I thought you were dead. "Jotunheim is a horrid place, and it was during the war, and the fucking snow was everywhere.. I was trying to get out. I was trying to get us both out, but your father," she snarled the word, "didn't like that. So he knocked me out. And when I woke up again and didn't see you, I thought you were dead." The word was ragged, dragged out from deep within her, and Loki felt a jolt of alarm. "I thought you had frozen to death." She scrubbed tears from her eyes, her flawless make-up smudging. She hiccoughed. "Look at me," she patted her cheeks sharply, trying to snap out of the emotions. "I told myself i wouldn't cry again."
Unable to do nothing, Loki awkwardly patted her shoulder, which only made her cry harder. "But then I finally saw Odin- Odin, of all people!- holding you, and I knew. I knew I would be a target, at least at first. So I let Odin take you back, knowing you'd be with Frigga, at least."
"Frigga," Loki scoffed. She was different now. But when he was young...she had not been easy on him.
"I'm sorry," Vilda said. "She regrets the way she was with you. She knows what it did to you and she would have it otherwise."
Loki looked away. "Hmm."
"I checked up on you often," Vilda continued. "I couldn't- well, I couldn't stay away. I don't know if you can ever forgive the things I've done to you," she said, and Loki tensed again, remembering the rock, the vulture, the agony... "But all I ask is that you understand that I couldn't lose you, Loki. I just- I couldn't. And you would have died. I went to the Norns, and I saw in their minds- you were meant to die. But I couldn't let that happen, Loki. So I...made sure it wouldn't."
Loki stared at her incredulously. "I'm supposed to believe that everything you've done to me, you did to help me? To save me?"
"Well," Vilda said briskly, looking at her nails again, "I love you."
Loki could only stare at her in open-mouthed shock.
"I'll have to redo my make-up before dinner," she said.
He stood there for a long time after she'd left, trying to decide whether he believed her or not.
Whatever issue had lain between Jane and Loki's brother seemed to be resolved. They both looked extremely pleased with each other, and Darcy joked about how relieved she was. "It was just getting ridiculous," she told him over dinner. "Neither of them wanted to upset the other one, and they ended up both being ."
Thor was much in demand because his time here was so limited- he was leaving again in the morning. "But I'll be back soon. This is the last trip I'll be making for some time." He asked Loki to meet him in the morning though, before he left. "There is much to discuss."
Loki slept for a few straight hours- a novelty that he had not enjoyed in quite some time- and woke by dawn feeling relatively refreshed. He dressed and shaved and headed down to the great hall. The servants were just setting out breakfast food for early risers, and Loki grabbed a small plate of food. It wasn't long before Thor arrived, looking as if he had not slept much the previous night, but Loki tried not to think of why that might be because...ew.
"You look like hell," he said in greeting.
"Funny," Thor shot back, "seeing as how you've just been. How is it, by the way? Hot?"
Loki rolled his eyes. "Boring. You've been talking to Frigga then."
Thor nodded as if to say well of course. "I see you took my advice."
"Thank you for that," Loki said quietly. He owed Thor so much... "I am in your debt. I was not...myself."
Thor looked at him steadily, taking his measure. "No, you were not. But Frigga has spoken to me of the reasons for that. Would you like to talk about it?"
Loki raised a brow. Talk to Thor about how he had been tortured for ages by his own mother? "Perhaps another time."
Thor shrugged. "As you wish. Should I expect you to go back to your...alter ego, any time soon?"
"Never. You need not worry on that account."
"I cannot seem to help it. No matter though. What is one more on the great pile?"
A servant knocked on the door hesitantly. "Sire you wanted to be told as soon as your mount was ready."
"Thank you, Oliver," Thor said, rising from the table. He turned to Loki. "I'm sorry. I wish I had more time. We will speak again soon, brother. There is much I wish to say. But for now, farewell." He grabbed Loki into a bear hug. "Don't fuck up your marriage too much while I'm away."
Loki smirked. "I could say the same to you."
Thor grinned and clapped a hand on Loki's shoulder. "I have missed this."
Loki rolled his eyes, but secretly he felt the same way. His brother had always been a huge figure in his life, and it felt good reconnecting to him, even for so brief a time. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."
Loki headed to the library, missing the feel of a book between his hands, only to be surprised to find someone already ensconced in a leatherback chair.
"Daddy! Don't go!"...Loki cleared his throat, as much to announce his presence as because there was suddenly a lump there.
"You're up early," he commented, leaning against a bookshelf opposite him.
The boy shrugged, not looking up from his book.
"That's a good book." Sorcery and it's Physical Benefits. "I read it when I was your age."
"Hmm."
Loki smiled slightly. He was clearly not going to be willingly participating. Deciding to ignore the boy for now, he found the book he'd been wanting and settled into the chair opposite Nathan.
They read in silence for a while until Loki couldn't take it anymore and found a quill and ink and began marking the manuscript. It wasn't long before he felt eyes on him and looked up to find himself the subject of Nathan's scandalized stare.
"What are you doing?" Nathan croaked.
Loki looked down at the page he'd been working on. It was filled with his corrections. Entire paragraphs were crossed out. "Editing?"
"But..." He shook his head, unable to comprehend what would drive someone to vandalize a book. So Loki helped him.
"It's wrong," he said."
"You don't know that," Nathan said quickly, and Loki chuckled.
"Actually I do. For a fact." He tapped a paragraph on teleportation. "This, for instance says that when someone bends space to 'teleport', on arrival they will feel nauseous and likely throw up, when in fact that only happens the first few times."
"Oh." He looked intrigued, but went back to his book.
One. Two Three...
"What else is wrong with it?" Nathan bit his lip, but didn't take his question back.
"Oh man," Loki said, smiling to himself and settling back in the chair. "Lots."
But perhaps not this...