Chapter 11: Staring Down Fate
As the new morning broke, Lily found herself the first to wake. She rolled over gently and watched Thorin's chest rise and fall. She suddenly found herself flooded with fear as to what would happen to the man beside her. Today was the day Gandalf would lead them to Mirkwood, then take his leave. After that, they were all on their own. How could she make herself less of a burden? What had Gandalf really had in mind?
She knew the wizard had planned for her to carry Thorin's child, that much became clear with the favorable glances he would send her way at the sight of her protruding belly. That was what he had meant at Bag-End. She was to produce a new heir of Durin. What was supposed to follow next? Surely he did not intend for her to follow Thorin all the way to the dragon's lair? Then, if she would not follow, what would become of her? What would become of Thorin?
Lily found she suddenly didn't like the line of thoughts in her head. Her eyes traced the profile of her handsome king, a sadness building in her that she could not explain. Something was telling her she would be parted from him soon. She then noticed the small hobbit getting up and stretching. He immediately made for the great doors to go outside and relieve himself. Once he returned he saw Lily sitting up beside Thorin, and the expression she had on her face vexed him.
"Is everything alright my lady?" He asked in a gentle whisper.
Lily rose up without disturbing Thorin and walked with Bilbo to the fire to start breakfast. She was wringing her hands, thinking of whether or not to explain her feelings to her small companion.
"I do not quite know yet." Lily admitted, "I have this feeling...I cannot explain it, but it darkens my heart." Lily said looking down at her feet to hide the welling of her tears.
"Surely Thorin will never let anything happen to you or the baby." Bilbo said in a confident tone, "He would give his life before anything were to come upon you." He said with a reassuring smile.
"That is what I fear." Lily finally confessed with a great sigh, "I will surely burden you all. He will never admit it now, but when I bring you all so close to danger he will run blindly into it to ensure my survival, even risking all of you." Lily's tone was grave.
Bilbo watched her face for a moment in reflection. He too knew that no woman should be on such a journey, especially not when she was getting so far along. He also knew the stubbornness of Thorin would not allow for Beorn to call upon elves to take her back to Rivendell to wait out the birth of their child. Bilbo began to silently make breakfast with Lily. Perhaps Gandalf had a plan for her, as he had thus far. He would ask Gandalf when he was awake, do some research for Lily's sake. Gandalf always seemed so sure of himself, he must have planned for this.
With the new reassuring thought, Bilbo slipped into his usual, happy demeanor. Soon all the dwarves woke, and came to claim their breakfast, including Thorin. His rousing was a bit violent as he noticed the absence of his partner. Once he rolled over and saw her with Bilbo, his whole body relaxed. He too then rose and stood in line for food. Lily gave each dwarf their meal one by one as Gandalf also drew nearer in line. Once he had his food in hand with a smiling nod, Bilbo stepped aside to converse with him, casting a glance back at Thorin locking loving eyes on Lily as she handed him food by the fire. The moment was so tender.
"May I have a word?" Bilbo said in a low tone to Gandalf.
"You most certainly may...as soon as I have eaten." Gandalf said in his usual deep voice.
"No, I mean now, it's urgent. It must be discussed before we leave for Mirkwood." Bilbo said a little more earnestly.
Gandalf observed the hobbit with his secretive manner and curiosity got the better of him. His eyes lowered and he pouted his lower lip,
"Very well, master hobbit, but do make it quick, I do not want dwarves scavenging my food!" Gandalf responded in a low tone.
The two walked outside into the beautiful garden bathed in the morning sun. It did not take long for young Bilbo to look behind Gandalf to see if anyone had followed before he began.
"It's Lily." Bilbo said, as though it explained everything.
"What of young Lily?" Gandalf said in a tone of concern.
"Well? What's your plan for her? She cannot well come with us on the journey in the state that she is in. She said it herself. She's afraid of what will happen to everyone, especially Thorin." Bilbo rattled out. He stood puffing his chest out and stared at Gandalf expecting a calming answer.
Gandalf cocked his head sideways and stood observing the hobbit thoughtfully. He placed his hands on his hips as he slowly looked around the garden. He then began to speak as his eyes fell on some bees buzzing about a beautiful flower.
"I'm afraid, young master hobbit, that I do not possess that knowledge. The fate of the couple depends on their own decisions, not mine. They must choose what happens next. I'm afraid my aid ceases once we've reached the borders of Mirkwood." Gandalf said, still not looking the hobbit in the eyes.
"You mean to say, that the decision now lies with Thorin, who would rather die than hand Lily over to the elves, and with Lily, who fears leaving Thorin to his own devices?" Bilbo said, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Indeed." Gandalf said as he smiled up at a passing butterfly.
Bilbo puffed several sounds of discontent, his hands in his pockets with his elbows raised high. He soon realized he wasn't going to get the answer he wanted.
"If that is all, young master hobbit, then I shall take my leave and dine on my breakfast." Gandalf said with a rueful smile. Not waiting for an answer Gandalf turned back to the great hall and went in to eat.
Bilbo looked about flabbergasted. This was not the news he'd hoped for, and definitely not the news he would want to deliver to Lily. He then made up his mind that if Gandalf would not help, he had to. If he could at least guide her into some kind of decision for everyone's good, then nothing would be lost.
Bilbo returned with his new plan in his head, sitting down near Lily, giving her a meek smile.
"Is everything alright Bilbo?" She asked in a whisper.
Bilbo looked up into her sweet face, and hesitated for a moment. He wanted to tell her what Gandalf had said, but he could not burden her anymore. He merely gave a faint smile and nodded before eating his food silently.
Soon after everyone had finished their meals they were called outside by Beorn. There in the yard stood several ponies loaded with food and supplies. Gandalf mounted his horse and thanked Beorn for his kindness, followed by each of the dwarves. Lily thanked Beorn last, taking his hand in hers and speaking in a low tone which the others could not hear. Bilbo tried his hardest to perk his ears, but her voice was too soft.
Soon they were on their way, spirits high, being led by Gandalf. As the group traveled on out of Beorn's land into the long, wild grasses of the lowlands Lily began to be burdened again with her thoughts from earlier. She watched Thorin riding proudly beside her, his regal head high, looking about the land. Lily started in a low tone,
"What happens next?" Her voice startled Thorin a bit and he turned to face her.
"We pass through Mirkwood and into the valley of The Lonely Mountain." Thorin said confidently.
"Have you thought of how to approach the dragon?" Lily said with a tinge of fear. Fear not of the dragon, but of her king having to be near it.
Thorin's gaze remained steady on her pensive face. He could read her fears, and they began to bring about his own doubts.
"That is what our burglar is for." Thorin said in a low tone, "He will sneak in and find the dragon's weakness for us." Thorin said a little more confidently.
Lily did not like the idea of gentle Bilbo being left alone with a dragon. Her thoughts on the matter became more unsettled as all the possibilities of failure began to take root. Little did Lily know of what Thorin truly had planned.
"Do not fear, my love, we will keep Bilbo safe. When we have succeeded there will be a kingdom for our child to return to." He said in a soothing tone.
The last words caught Lily's ears, "Return to?"
"For us all to return to." Thorin corrected.
Soon they reached the border of Mirkwood, which stopped Lily from prying more into the meaning of his last words.
"I leave you all here, I have business to attend to elsewhere. You must relieve the ponies of their burdens and send them back to Beorn." Gandalf informed the group.
"What? Why?" Thorin demanded, not liking the idea of the rest of the journey on foot with heavy packs.
"They are his animals, and he is fiercely protective of them." Gandalf warned. His eyes followed the horizon behind the dwarves for a moment, causing Thorin to glance around and see the disappearing form of what appeared to be a bear. Beorn had followed them.
Grudgingly the dwarves did as they were told, and one by one the ponies were turned back to Beorn's land. Just as Lily was turning her horse back Thorin grabbed her hand.
"You must take the horse and go to Rivendell." Thorin said in a low tone, keeping her gaze, deep emotions swimming in his blue eyes.
"What? No!" Lily yelled, "This isn't fair, there must be another way!" Lily said pushing Thorin's hand away.
"Lily, you must go to them and convalesce. Elrond was right, this journey is not safe for you." The very words seemed to pain Thorin, and his gaze was cast downward, "Beorn has promised to take you there and keep you safe."
Lily could not believe how quickly things had turned around. She knew his hesitations since the night prior, but thought that his pride would once again secure her position among the group. She knew what he was doing was now wisest for all involved, but yet, something inside her did not like the idea of being away from him when he marched off to face unknown dangers ending with a dragon.
"I won't go!" Lily said weakly, her lip trembling slightly. Thorin looked up at her from his hooded gaze and could not stand the pain there. He looked away again and commanded,
"This must be done. I will not carry you on anymore as a...burden." His voice would have fooled any of the others to think he was angered, but Lily knew it was pain. Still, she had never thought he would dare to say such a thing to her.
Bilbo looked between the two simply lost for words. His mouth opened and closed several times, but he could find no words. It was Balin who stepped forward to weigh in his opinion.
"Aye lass, Thorin is right, you must go. Not that you are a burden, I'm sure he did not mean that, but that it is safer for you and the child. We need you to live so we will have an heir." Balin said in a kindly way.
Lily's eyes scoured Thorin, searching for his repentance at the use of the word 'burden', but she did not find it. He merely stood breathing heavily through his nose, trying to find any other focus point. Gandalf stood nearby astride on his horse. He could not interfere, as much as he would have liked to have spared feelings. This was their fate now, he had guided them as far as he could, now they had to take command. Lily looked to the wizened wizard for aid, but it did not come, he too merely looked away, pushing his lower lip forward slightly.
"She could...I could...well, there has to be a way!" Bilbo suddenly butted in.
All eyes fell on the small hobbit, expecting him to contribute some great plan to keep her amongst them without being in harms way.
"Well?" Balin said, turning to face the hobbit in anticipation.
"I...I don't know." He said, lowering his head in failure, "I'm sorry..." He said in a low whisper to Lily.
Lily looked about at the faces before her, but none could offer any ideas. Soon the silence was broken by the ragged voice of Thorin,
"Go..." he said in a low tone, "GO." He said again louder.
Lily stepped back, not sure of how to react. It was clear no one knew how to keep her in their company, and she too could think of nothing. She quietly mounted her horse again, and without a word or even a glance at Thorin, she began to gallop away in the direction of Beorn's land. In the horizon a figure of a bear began pursuit.
Thorin stood shocked for a moment, unable to move. He could not look at the others. The sound of the hooves disappearing in the distance pained his heart. He had done what was best for her, and he hoped she knew that. Gandalf cleared his throat to break the silence.
"Here I shall leave you. Continue through Mirkwood, and do not stray from the paths. There are many dangers, and I cannot come to your aid." Gandalf warned, "Goodbye, good fellows, and I hope we shall meet again." Gandalf said looking at each member.
Bilbo suddenly felt a fear he had not felt before. Lily was gone, and now Gandalf was leaving too. The only two people who had confidence in him were leaving. He watched in a slight panic as Gandalf disappeared over the hills and out of sight.
Thorin too was watching the wizard disappear. He stood firm for a moment before making his statement,
"We are on our own now. We will make as much headway as we can into the forest." His voice was low and almost hollow. He then turned and began to venture into the darkness.
All the dwarves followed one by one until young Bilbo was left. He watched the sun setting over the hills and looked for any sign of Lily and Gandalf. He suddenly felt quite alone, and things were not looking so bright. If only he could have thought of an excuse to keep Lily nearby. He knew there was nothing more for it and followed the group into the depths of the dark forest.