Meredith's eyes slowly opened as she regained consciousness. She was unaware of how long she'd been sleeping but Amelia was still sitting in the chair by her bed so she gathered that it couldn't have been more than a few short hours. The pain in her side was still prominent, like someone was stabbing her repeatedly with a dull knife. More than anything, she wanted to see Derek. She needed to see that his heart was still beating and that slow, even breaths were still coming from his chest even if it was being forced to do so by a tube protruding out of his throat.

"Hey sleepy," grinned Amelia softly. "How are you doing?"

"A bit better," croaked Meredith, swatting at her nose.

"Good."

"I want to see Derek," she said firmly.

"You're not supposed to get out of bed, Mer. You've got a broken leg, two fractured ribs, and a punctured lung," Amelia stressed.

"Please, Amelia. I don't care. Get me a wheelchair. I-I just need to see him," she said, a lone, salty drop of water falling from her eye.

"Okay," agreed Amelia, placating her as to lower her stress level. "We'll do it. Just…don't tell that doctor of yours. She seems like a real hard ass."

Meredith giggled lightly, grimacing as a sharp pain shot through her side. "She's just Dr. Bailey, you get used to it." Amelia stood up and walked out of the room to find a wheelchair. A minute or so later she returned pushing the metal chair. Meredith sucked in a sharp breath as Amelia helped her slide into the chair while being careful to mind all the tubes and wires.

The moments they spent traveling down to the ICU where long and torturous. Meredith began to prepare herself for the Derek she would find lying in the hospital bed. Amelia said he was bad and being pushed towards his room made her realize just how bad he could be. Being a neurosurgeon, she'd seen what his condition could look like and it wasn't good.

"You ready?" asked Amelia, pausing at the threshold of Derek's room. She paused and took a deep breath. For a moment, Meredith sat in her chair, staring. She felt like she was frozen in the middle of a test, stuck on the last answer; she'd forgotten everything she studied. The situation was completely foreign to her. It was beyond her capability to finesse her way through it because she had no idea what she was doing. He was the supportive one; she was the one who needed the support. Derek was a rock; Meredith was a river, never steady and always passing everything by.

Meredith swallowed as she nodded for Amelia to push forward. The wheels turned slowly as Amelia turned her into Derek's room and stopped abruptly. A sick, twisting knot formed in Meredith's throat, and butterflies fluttered endlessly in her stomach. He lay flat in a network of tubes, wires, and monitors. An intubation tube protruded out of his mouth and a blue piece of plastic covered his pale lips, holding the tube steady. The machine it was attached to exerted a slow, steady, hissing sound as it forced him to breathe. With each breath unnaturally pushed into his lungs, his chest moved up and down. Up and down. Up and down. An itchy, blue thermal blanket was placed over him strategically, avoiding his elevated leg and the EKG leads attached to his chest with sticky pads underneath the flimsy hospital gown. A white cap bandage held his head snugly, the white color of the cap barely contrasting the pale, sickly white of his skin. She knew under that hat there was nothing, just bald, exposed skin. She gulped knowing he'd barely be Derek without his dreamy raven curls. They'd butchered, getting rid of the blood matted thick, brown hair to make a clear pathway for the surgeon.

His right arm was wrapped in a blue plaster cast. That combined with the cast enclosing his right leg, he was rendered completely immobile on the right side, the side the car hit. A pink-ish, red scar running diagonal across his forehead, disappearing behind the white cap. An automated blood pressure cuff was clasped around one bicep and lower on that arm; in the crease of his elbow an I.V. dripped a saline solution into his system to keep him hydrated. On the other hand, an oximeter enclosed his middle finger, measuring his oxygen levels constantly. Around his wrist, a paper identification bracelet read his information to anyone who needed to know. Another tube peeked out from under his elevated leg and led to a clear plastic bag to collect his urine. She was almost glad he was in a comatose state because if he wasn't she knew him well enough that he'd feel violated and exposed and would spend all of his energy wishing for relief from the embarrassment and humiliation he'd feel.

He was still as a rock, his arms resting beside him, palms down. Derek's blue-green eyes were hidden by the eyelids that covered them. She longed to see them open and sparkle at her like they usually did, just once. Meredith needed some reassurance that Derek was hidden in the still, sickly man lying in the hospital bed; that the exuberant, strong, amazing man was just hiding, waiting for the doctors to pull him out of a stupor. She didn't know what to do. The urge to crawl into bed with him and just rest her head against her chest to listen to his heartbeat overwhelmed her. She wanted to but, his fiancé was sitting in a chair nest to his bed and there was too much medical equipment surrounding him to do so. But he was alive, and that was all that mattered. She could deal with just listening to the steady beeping of the heart monitor instead.

"What are you doing here?" she heard someone snap at her. Turning her head to the side, she saw Erin look up from a magazine to notice Meredith's presence in the room. She was reading a magazine. She wasn't in the near comatose state Meredith seemed to be falling in to. She was just…reading a magazine.

Before Meredith could speak"She has more of a right than you to be here," retorted Amelia.

"How do you figure that?" snarled Erin.

"Well, for starters, she is like Derek's sister."

"No she's not."

"I adopted her into my family the moment she walked through my door her freshman year of college," Carolyn piped in forcefully.

"She's just a little stray you picked up," Erin huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She stood glaring at the other occupants of the room.

"You do not talk about my best friend like that," growled Amelia as she moved away from Meredith. Her fists balled up in fury and she strived not to punch the woman in front of her in the face. "She may not be able to kick your ass right now but I can!" she cried angrily.

"Amelia, please," pleaded her mother before turning to her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. "Erin, why can't Meredith be here? We know you're not fond of any of us Shepherds," she said with distain, standing up to push herself further into the argument. "But, I'd hope you love my son if you're marrying him soon. And, if you do, you'd know that Meredith is the person who belongs in this room the most.

"This is her fault! This is all her fault!" screamed Erin. "She caused the accident! She was driving the car!"

Before anyone could stop her, Amelia's hand flew through the air, making contact with Erin's cheek with a loud crack. "You're an idiot!" she hissed at the cowering woman who was nursing her reddened cheek. "It is in no way Meredith's fault. It's the idiot who rammed her car!"

Erin chose to ignore her and continued on her rampage, holding her cheek. "It's all her fault! If she hadn't been such a sour face, Derek would have never asked her to go to the movies with her, in her car with her driving! He would have been home with me planning my dream wedding. Now, I'm supposed to be preparing for that freaking perfect wedding and my perfect fiancé is now all scared and banged up! I mean… he could never walk again! What will people think of us?" All mouths in the room gaped open, gawking at Erin's statement while she didn't seem phased by it. Erin simply sat back in her chair, her bottom lip protruded in a pout, and picked up her magazine. "Get out," she added roughly, glaring at Meredith.

"Amelia," Meredith said softly, trying not to break down in sobs. "I think I need some more rest." Amelia nodded and pushed her out of the room. Truthfully she just needed to be away from everyone.

This was all her fault. Erin was right.

She'd been driving the car.

Derek was in a coma because he was in a car accident…with her as the driver.

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure