Author Note:….yeah, it's been awhile since I updated…hope this fills the gap Oh, and it's a longer chapter than usual!
Chapter 10 – It's All Relative
T7S
As the sign for Mount Hump park came into view, the sky grew darker and a loud rumble of thunder rattled the old Vista Cruiser. Leo sat up and turned around looking through the windshield. "We're here!"
Hyde's brows furrowed. Was Leo sleeping the whole ride here? Did he already smoke the stash? "Uh…yeah man, we're there. Forman's gotta park the car."
Eric had barely put the gear into park and Leo was diving out the back window. Hyde watched as Leo's arms stretched towards the sky and he was breathing like he had been under water for a long time. Leo turned around in a circle with a big wide shit eating grin on his face. His eyes were clear and the hippie didn't look stoned any more. What the hell was this about?
Jackie shook gray snow from her boots and nearly kicked Michael in his shins for trying to steal her mittens.
"But my hands are cold!" Kelso complained.
She glared at her former boyfriend, "I don't care. Stick 'em in your pocket or something." Before she could rant further, Eric came around to the front of the car.
"So….Le Petit Carnival? A small carnival…I mean couldn't they come up with a better name than that?" Eric started to say more but a security dwarf with a hat and baton walked by the Vista Cruiser and nodded hello.
Kelso turned towards Eric, his eyes glittering with amusement and Eric whispered a warning, "Don't. Even. Say. It."
"GOD Eric! You are such a hard ass!" Kelso sniveled. "Fez, let's go see the sights."
"And get some cotton candy?" Fez's eyebrow shot up about two inches. There was candy in the air and lots of pretty ladies here this afternoon. "You said we had to get Leo a corn dog."
"Yeah, I did. C'mon buddy." Kelso lightly frogged Fez in the shoulder, "Let's go have fun without these losers."
Jackie watched as Fez and Michael walked off towards the fairway while Steven was over talking to Leo. That left her stuck with Eric. She flicked some straw with the toe of her boot and hummed tunelessly. This was not going to be the circle time Steven promised! She looked up to find Eric was just as clueless as she felt.
He leaned back against the car. "I'm not totally against a Ferris Wheel ride or….or something like that…" He left the offer open in case Jackie wanted to join him or whatever.
She closed her eyes and wished they were at Funland where it was….fun! Sighing softly, she replied. "I want to ride the roller coaster."
Eric had a small smile, "Deal. Let Leo and Hyde get the circle thing organized and we'll meet up with them later. Maybe we can ruin Fez's cotton candy or something."
Jackie grinned, "Eric, I like the way you think." Then she put her mittened hand on his arm and pulled him towards the ticket booth. "I'm not paying for the rides though."
That was pretty much a given as far as Jackie Burkhart was concerned. He only asked, "How many rides do we plan on going on?"
She looked over at the Tilt-a-Whirl and some of the tamer non motion rides and replied with a winsome smile, "How about just the Ferris Wheel and coaster for now?"
"Can do." Eric replied. "Let's go see what this tiny carnival has to offer."
-o-
Tatiana swept the money from her table just as soon as the last of the fortune seekers closed the canvas doors on her tent. It was still bitter cold, but one of the carnies had found a small heater she could use to keep her feet warm. On the ground beneath the table cover was a small safe – this was where she kept her earnings.
She could sense a lull in the air but knew it to be short lived. The king was coming and as soon as his feet touched the fairway….everything would begin to change. That potion she made all those years ago surely had to have worn off.
Right?
Tatiana smiled a gentle smile and glided across the silken floor to her tent door. Just a peek. That's all she wanted.
Just a teeny look to see the king.
-o-
"Man, I feel so good right now." Leo exclaimed. He took his glasses off and held them up to towards the winter sun and placed them back on his nose.
Hyde stuck his freezing fingers in his Levi pockets. "Dude, did you already smoke the stash?"
Leo tugged on his beard. "No man….I gotta clean up. Wait….I have it right…." He was patting his army jacket pockets, "I have it right…." Swiftly two fingers pulled out a baggie-o-fun from his left inside pocket. "I'm gonna need a lighter."
Hyde nudged his head in the direction of the corn dog stand, "Let's get you fed up and borrow a light from one of those shorties."
Leo grinned, "Yeah, they should have matches or something."
"Or something." Hyde muttered. The brash notes from the hurdy-gurdy player grated on his nerves. He looked across the fairway and saw an ugly little monkey begging for coins and spitting at the passersby that ignored him.
Leo looked up and grinned, "Yeah man, we gotta pay the monkey or he'll throw poo on us."
Hyde frowned, "How do you know this?"
Leo started walking towards the spider monkey and the little animal jumped from Oscar's shoulder to Leo's and gave him a kiss. Small children laughed and Leo dropped some coins in the dented metal cup.
Leo turned around, "Hey Hyde…you want some monkey love?"
Hyde rolled his eyes and headed towards his two foolish friends standing in line at the Bearded Lady tent. Leo laughed out loud, "Have fun, I'll be looking for a lighter dude. Catch you later."
-o-
Kelso and Fez walked out of the tent with the most confused expressions on their faces. Hyde was leaning up against a barrel and smirked, "What's got your panties in a twist guys?"
Kelso stopped and slapped a hand against Fez's chest. "Dude. . . ."
Intrigued, Hyde pushed off the barrel and walked towards the pair and asked, "why not?"
Fez grinned, "Hyde….sometimes things are better seen than talked about." He reached into the pocket of his tight pants and pulled out a wrinkled dollar bill. "Here my friend, you need to meet Serena."
Clucking his tongue, Hyde took the money, "Really. She's that good?"
Kelso laughed, "Oh man…..yeah. Just do it."
Together, the two of the basement friends giggled and headed off towards the Ferris wheel. Safely away from prying ears, Kelso pulled Fez towards a sheltered area.
He looked around and then said in a low voice, "Dude. Would it be weird to admit that Serena kinda turned me on? I mean there's the beard and all, but with the "I Dream of Jeannie" mask…. she's freaking gorgeous."
Fez breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you feel the same way. She has va-va-voom curves in all the right places. I get needs thinking about that beard. I could kiss that hairy mouth."
"Alright, now you're just gonna make me hurl. Just buy the girl a razor and then think about kissing that mouth okay? Jeez!"
"Yes Master Fez, anything you want….I'll do it for you." Serena pulled on one of the silken scarves that caressed her toned thighs. Fez laid back against the pillows and smiled. "Talk off two more!" he commanded chewing on a piece of rope licorice.
Sexy Serena swayed and slowly pulled off one silver and a pink scarf throwing them towards Fez. The soft cloth landed on his face and he laughed with happiness. Just as she got to the last scarf that was hiding a special treasure….
Kelso frogged him in the arm. "Dude, I'm talking to you. Tilt-a-Whirl or coaster? Make up your mind!"
Fez blinked. That "I Dream of Jeanie" fantasy was surreal….maybe he could sneak back and visit the bearded lady without Kelso…..
Bringing his thoughts back to the now, Fez replied, "Coaster."
-o-
The Ferris wheel was old and the paint was chipping and faded but it did go up at least 300 feet in the air. Jackie looked at Eric, "Don't tell me you're afraid of heights."
Eric shrugged, "It's not the heights….it's the craphole of a machine. Look at this." He pointed out that many of the lights that ran the gear boxes were burnt out or missing. "What if we're at the top of the ride and it breaks down?"
Jackie flipped her hair over her shoulder, "Could be worse. You could be trapped with Fez and not me."
Eric laughed, "I don't know. I have to live with you…."
Jackie smiled and batted him on the chest. "Like you're some prize yourself. Ooh! Look! It's our turn."
The ticket taker reached for their passes and Jackie stepped into the gondola and as soon as Eric was seated, the steel safety bar was slammed into place. The dark eyes of the Carney glinted as he said, "Have a nice ride."
Jackie was about to make a snide remark when the sudden backward lurch of the wheel made her gasp. Eric grabbed the safety bar and laughed, "I was thinking….you could be trapped with Fez and not me."
The pretty brunette glared at him and grabbed onto the metal with her mittened hands and held on for dear life.
-o-
If Hyde could have slammed a tent door shut he would have. What the hell was Fez thinking by sending him in to see a chick with a mustache and beard! Granted with the mask she was doable but the minute the mask came off. Oh my fucking God. Get that chick a can of shaving cream!
He looked around for that pair of punks to see they were standing by the corn dog stand and laughing. This little trick deserved an ass kicking! Kelso seemed to know what was coming their way and pushed Fez into a crowd and through the back of a tent. They hunkered down and waited until they saw Hyde's boots rush past them.
Kelso leaned back against a metal counter. "Whew! We missed that one."
Fez sniffed the air. "What is that wonderful smell?"
Kelso lifted his nose. "I smell perfume. There must be some hot girls around here." He carefully stood up and peered over the steel counter, "Yeah! There are some hotties out there." Kelso grabbed Fez's arm and drug him to his feet. "C'mon man, we're gonna see some normal girls without hair!"
Fez could only think, ah…..Serena….I'll be back.
-o-
The gondola stopped at the zenith of the ride and swayed dangerously above the ground. Jackie didn't want to admit that perhaps Eric was right. This ride wasn't exactly safe! The groaning metal and grinding mechanical parts made her cringe, her much like fingernails on a chalkboard. From the left side of Eric's leg, a purple balloon floated up and the idiot reached out to grab it. The metal basket started swinging and Jackie shrieked, "What the hell are you doing!"
The balloon floated just past his outstretched fingers. He looked annoyed and replied, "I was trying to get you the balloon."
"Why!" now she was exasperated.
Eric shrugged and waited for the ride to stop swinging. "You like purple. It's your favorite color." He said simply.
Knitting her brow, Jackie questioned, "…and how do you know that's my favorite color?"
"Unicorns….rainbows….I've seen some of your stuffed animals….I figured that purple was your color."
Jackie didn't like that Eric knew that about her. "Well for your information, they are not stuffed animals. They are collectibles. I have the whole unicorn set and could sell them whenever I want."
Eric leaned back and stretched an arm along the back of the seat. "Yeah…that's the same line I use on my dad when he mocks my G.I. Joe set. He calls 'em dolls, I call 'em action figures….same thing. Right?"
Flummoxed that she and Eric had that in common unnerved her – she wasn't supposed to actually like him. But they had a similar history. Failed engagements, cheating boyfriends…although Donna didn't actually sleep with Casey Kelso – it was still cheating. Being dumped for someone else - Donna did have Randy in the wings when Eric sent that break up letter. Still, that didn't mean she had to like Eric Forman.
Did it?
She muttered something under her breath and remembered her promise to Mr. Forman to get along with his dumbass son. Putting on her best smile she turned to Eric. "You are right Eric. A doll or action figure is a collectable item."
Eric was confused. Jackie Burkhart just agreed with him on something? Wow. The feisty little cheerleader was actually maturing.
Who would've thought?
-o-
Hyde was tired of searching for the two morons and tired of waiting for Leo. He parked himself on a bench and watched an old clown mashing out his cigarette. From some speaker hidden in the hay, a lugubrious tune from an accordion played mournfully. The clown spied some children watching warily and he pulled out a unicycle and applause broke out.
The clown wheeled around in a circle and began pulling miscellaneous items from his colorful pants: a dove, a fake snake….hard candies were dashed to the ground while he circled the crowd. Then from somewhere out of left field, a man-pretty police cadet came running from the fairway and knocked the clown off of his unicycle.
As Hyde watched, a dark skinned, ex-Point Place High School student was suddenly on the ground snatching the thrown candy. The clown honked his horn at Kelso who was laughing hysterically. Fez was in some kind of sugar buzz and rubbed the seat of the one wheel bike. The audience thought this was part of the act and applauded like crazy.
The clown bowed and gave Kelso the middle finger.
Hyde laughed harder than he could remember in a long time.
-o-
Tatiana peeked out of her canvas door again and saw HIM walking through the arcade row. Preening like a peacock, HE smiled at the pretty ladies and kissed the knuckles of the old women. As she watched, HE froze in his tracks and slowly turned around with a huge grin on his face. Tatiana suddenly felt the ground shudder and a tremendous course of electricity ran from the satin covered floor up through her spine and to the tips of her blood red fingernails.
It was the king!
He was here!
He was really truly here.
Time seemed to tick by in microseconds as the king turned, smiled and grabbed HIM in a bear sized hug and shouted, "Theo!"
HE shouted back, "Leo!"
Together they laughed and shouted, "Cousin!"
Tatiana felt the blood rush from her head and she fainted falling outside of her tent.
T7S
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A/N: ….congrats to all of you who guess who HE was and who the king was. More to be explained later. (MistyMountainHop, Nannygirl, DFT and Tophergirl – you certainly kept me on my toes!)