Chapter 10 The Nightmare
Terra wakes with a start. He sits up looking around for what had awakened him. He is sure it had been some sudden noise but he can't remember. Maybe it had just been a dream. He lies back down pulling the sheets that he had kicked into a ball at the bottom of his bed during the night back up. He closes his eyes and lets out a soft sigh hoping to quickly succumb once more to sleep, but the quiet creak of a door opening and shutting makes him open his eyes once more. He can hear the padding of soft footsteps slowly making their way down the hallway past his door. Terra knows he had not been dreaming before. There had been a sound, a shout possibly, that had awoken him and he is not the only one awake.
He throws back his sheets and swings his legs off the bed. He fumbles in the dark for his socks which he always leaves on the floor and pulls them on. Without turning on a light, he gets up and quietly makes his way to the door that leads to the hallway outside. He turns the handle and opens his door with a similar creak to what he had heard while lying in bed. He creeps out of his room and shuts his door once more as quietly as possible.
Terra feels a cool breeze on his bare arms and turns wishing he had grabbed a sweatshirt to put over his thin pajama T-shirt. He instantly sees where the breeze was coming from. The glass double doors that lead to the balcony at the end of the hallway are only half closed, and through the glass, Terra spots a flash of blond hair standing out in the dark.
"Ven?" He says quietly as he walks out onto the balcony not wanting to startle the younger boy. Ven is sitting on the floor of the balcony right up by the edge. He has his legs under the lowest bar of the railing letting his feet dangle and leans the rest of his body against the other bars looking through them at the stars above. If he had heard Terra he gives no indication, sitting motionless except for the cool breeze blowing his hair, messy from sleep, around.
"Ven what are you doing out here? It's freezing," Terra asks crouching down next to him. Only then does Terra realize that Ven is not looking at the stars. His eyes are closed and tears are coming out in a steady stream creating a channel down his face and dripping off in a slow steady pattern when they reach his jaw.
Terra is shocked and confused, not sure what to do he asks, "Ven, what happened? Is it about what happened at dinner?"
Ven shakes his head slightly before tilting his head down so his chin is on his chest and his whole body shakes as he begins to sob. "It...it was horrible Terra," Ven forces out in a choked voice. "It..it was like it was happening all over again. He...he..." Ven's voice gives out and he pulls his arms around himself protectively. Terra pats him on the back in a way he hopes is comforting as a slight sound behind him makes him turn his head. Aqua is standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes as she takes in the scene in front of her.
She looks at Terra questioningly and he mouths to her, "I don't know."
Even more concerned now, she walks out onto the balcony in her own thin pajamas and slippers the same blue color as her hair. She, however, had been smart enough to throw a blanket over her shoulders before coming out and as she sits down on the other side of Ven she pulls it around herself to fight off the chill of the night. "Ven," she says running her hand through his blond hair, "Why are you crying?"
Ven wipes his face with his hands and slowly opens his eyes. He turns to look at her and she can see that his beautiful blue eyes are bloodshot and filled with even more unshed tears. He takes a deep shuddering breath and looks once more to the stars. He speaks quietly and Terra and Aqua lean in close to hear him.
"It was so real. It was real. How could it not be? It was exactly how I remembered."
He pauses but Aqua and Terra say nothing waiting for him to be ready to explain. Aqua takes up rubbing his back as Terra had stopped and after a minute Ven tries again.
"It was a dream...a-a nightmare. But...it was more than that. It was a memory. A memory of the worst day of my life."
With another shuddering breath as he tries to still his shaking body, he continues, "We, me and Tay, were walking on the Highway back home. It was dark and we were alone. He was telling me about this girl he had met back at Ghotri. It was the same old story. She had seen him fight off the fearsome monsters, saved her town, and now she wanted to get close to the big shot hero. I don't know how many times I'd heard that story about the girl from Sheplin, or Dolic, or Spark. I don't know if it was ever true but he swore every time that it was.
That night I argued with him. We had been walking for hours and there was nothing else to do. It got to the point where I told him he was delusional. That no girl had ever let him get farther than first base. That made him even madder and he yelled that at least he could make it that far, that I had never even left the dugout. I stopped walking. When he looked back he was sorry. He knew the reason I had never gotten that close to anyone was because I was afraid they would wind up hurt because of me, because of my keyblade. I still remember the exact words he said. He said, 'Don't worry about it Ven. Someday things will change. I know for a fact that you are destined for things greater than this shitty world. Just remember, when you're everyone's favorite keyblade wielder and all the girls are falling over themselves to get to you, don't forget to throw a couple of the hot ones my way, alright?' I laughed and told him I would. I said, 'That's what buds are for right?' He said, 'Hell yeah!' And then..."
Ven takes a sharp breath and closes his eyes as the memory comes back breaking open the unhealed scar and releasing a wave of pain. With a visible effort, he forces himself to keep talking.
"We hadn't noticed it. It was too dark to see very far. I wasn't paying attention. I should have been paying closer attention!"
He slams his fist onto the concrete floor on the balcony in anger. The slight pain feels good. He deserves to be in pain. He punches the ground again harder, and then harder still until Terra grabs his wrist. Ven tries to fight him off, but Terra's grip is unyielding. The more Ven struggles, the angrier he gets. The angrier he gets, the more upset he feels. The more upset he feels, the more he cries. It doesn't take long for him to become a complete emotional wreck.
He becomes hysterical calling out, "I'm sorry Tay! I'm so sorry!" Over and over.
As he draws himself into a ball, Aqua wraps her arms and blanket around him pulling him close. "Shh, shh," she says running her fingers through his hair. He continues to cry and becomes incomprehensible in his apologizes to his dead best friend.
Terra watches his new friend suffer and can feel an ache in his own chest. He wishes he could stop Ven's sobs, but it is all he could do not to join him in the waterworks. He slides closer and wraps one arm around Ven and Aqua patting whoever's shoulder his hand is resting on. The three remain huddled together for what could have been hours or only a few minutes, but eventually Ven's sobs become dry and his muttered apologizes to Tay become softer until they fade away. It takes longer for his body to stop shuddering, but when it does, he uncurls himself from his fetal position and Aqua and Terra pull away slightly letting him get more comfortable.
The silence stretches on as they all stare up at the stars. Then Aqua breaks it by quietly asking, "Ven, what happened to Tay?"
Terra stiffens at her question, afraid that it will send Ven over the edge again so soon after they had gotten him to calm down. His fears are unwarranted however as Ven sighs and begins to speak in a monotone voice. "We were goofing off like idiots, like always. I should have noticed that it was coming. I should have felt it. But I was distracted, listening to Tay, and didn't notice until it was too late.
A huge heartless appeared out of the night and all I could do was scream at Tay to look out before it swept him off his feet and held him tight in its huge hand. His eyes were wide in shock and I was frozen in place. The monster lifted him high and out of reach and I could just make out in the moonlight him struggling against its grip. I heard something crack. That broke me out of my stunned stupor. I charged forward trying to block his screams out of my ears."
Ven stops, holding his hands over his ears, and he begins to rock back and forth slightly with his eyes closed. Terra and Aqua exchange a look with each other over his head. Terra opens his mouth to say something but he holds back as Ven continues where he had left off.
"The heartless was so tall and it held Tay with one hand, but the other slammed down at me and I was just able to move out of the way. I attacked the hand with blind rage but it didn't matter how many times I sunk my keyblade into it, it gave no sign that I was doing any real damage. Then it lifted its hand up as it straightened up to full height. It left behind a bunch of little shadows that jumped at me trying to overwhelm me with numbers but they were no more than a distraction so the bigger thing could prepare for another attack.
When I had finished off the last small heartless, I was able to turn back to the big bastard. It had fallen to its knees and, as I watched, it convulsed and it shot purple and black spheres of darkness out of it's chest. They flew like missiles at me and I used my keyblade to block each one until two came at once. I couldn't take their combines force and I fell to the ground as pain shot through my heart.
I staggered back to my feet and ran back at the heartless which was slowly getting back to its feet as well. Before it could rise up out of reach I jumped and stabbed it as high up as I could reach, just below the hole in it's chest sort of shaped like a heart. That seemed to hurt it because it roared in pain. And it began to fall to the ground. As it did so, it tossed Tay away and I saw him fly through the trees disappearing into the forest. I wanted to run after him, but the heartless was on its hands and knees and I could finally reach its head. I swung and swung and swung. I battered it's head again and again until it rose back to its feet. The fucking thing was still able to stand! I lost it. I threw my keyblade at its head and watched as it hit it in the forehead. Its head snapped back from the impact but then came back to stare down at me. The look it gave me, I was sure I was a gonner. But then it began to float up into the air and it disappeared except for a pink heart the rose out of sight."
Ven clenches his fists until his nails draw blood. Alarmed, Terra and Aqua each grab one of his hands and proceed to force him to unclench. Ven stares down at the blood on his hands without caring.
"There was so much blood. So much blood," he murmurs quietly. "I found him leaning against a tree. There was a blood trail on the leaves from him dragging himself to that spot. I tried to tell him he was going to be ok, but he wasn't stupid. God, he could be such a know it all sometimes. I tried to tell him he was going to be ok while I looked for the source of all that blood. He stopped me. He told me not to look. I tried to get him up saying we weren't that far from Ghotri. There would be a doctor there. He wouldn't get up. He...he couldn't move his legs. He...he said he would rather...die...in the peaceful forest than on the Highway."
Ven is sobbing again, but he has to finish the memory. To Terra and Aqua he is totally oblivious to their comforting words, lost behind his shining eyes looking out at the stars.
"I said no. He couldn't die, he just couldn't. He reached out and touched my face. 'Don't cry Ven. Don't cry. I don't want you to cry for me.' Those words...I held back my tears. I held back my pleas for us to go for help. He was dying. I had to respect his last wishes. I leaned against him and he leaned against me. There was so much I wanted to tell him. So many things I hadn't said. But there wasn't any time. He could barely breathe...there was so much blood...but he said one last thing to me. 'Ven...when I'm gone...you will be all alone...I'm sorry...I just hope you can forgive me.' And then-and then-then,"
It is too much. Ven can't say it out loud. Its too horrible. He can't even sob anymore; he just sits motionless as tears fall from his eyes which just stare blankly at the sky.
"He was sorry. Why was he sorry? It was me, my fault. He shouldn't have...it shouldn't have been him. I dug a grave right next to that tree. It stood alone in a small clearing. When you looked up you could see the stars. God, you should have heard him talk. All the worlds out there. He wanted to see them all. The stars gave him hope. He wanted a better life for us, he thought we would leave Carinol and find happiness. Together."
Ven pauses he smiles sadly and the tears stop.
"I wish he could have lived to see this place. He would have loved it. But he died that day. Without ever getting to see the places he read of in books stolen from libraries and dreamt about each night. That spot next to the tree was perfect. I didn't leave for days after I buried him. I just sat against that tree and talked. I told him everything I hadn't said when he was alive. He had meant the world to me. He was my rock. Always strong, always smart, always knew the right thing to say. He had made life bearable. I slept alone for the first time in a long time. It was cold without him. I missed his snores, the way he frowned in his sleep. He used to talk in his sleep. What I wouldn't give to hear him murmur my name in one of his vivid dreams again.
I honored his last wish. I didn't cry. The whole time I stayed next to the mound of soil that hid him from me, I didn't cry.
I woke up one morning and knew it was time to leave. I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to stay either. I said my last goodbyes. I was about to leave but I stopped myself. Turning back I said the one thing I had always been too afraid to say to him. And now it was too late. 'I love you Tay.' I loved him more than anything else in the world. He was my world. I loved his smile, his laugh, the way he put his arm around my shoulder when we walked. I knew he loved me, but not in the same way. As I walked back through the trees, back to the Highway. It had been a mistake to love him, to let him stay close to me. I vowed to myself never to get that close to anyone else. They would just get hurt. I couldn't go through that again. Being lonely was better than being heartbroken."
Ven is finally finished. Never before had he poured his soul out like that about Tay. But then again, never had he felt so safe to do so as he feels sitting in between Terra and Aqua. "He really meant a lot to you didn't he?" Aqua says softly running her hand through his spiky hair once more. Ven nods not sure how his new friends would react to him confessing his love for Tay. He had seen the men who loved other men over women meeting in secret in the back alleys of the cities of Carinol. Everyone had shunned them like they had a disease.
"Is it...weird...for me to have felt that way about him?" Ven asks anxiously.
"There's nothing weird about loving someone Ven," Terra says supportively. "Love is love. There are no rules." Saying this, he looks over Ven at Aqua who is deliberately not meeting his gaze.
"Don't ever feel like you have to hold back with us," Aqua says to Ven. "You can tell us anything. Don't hide parts of yourself from us. We're your friends and friends stick together through thick and thin."
Ven sighs feeling like a great weight has been lifted off his shoulders that night. Terra stands with a big yawn. "Ven, do you think you can go back to sleep now?"
Ven looks up at the stars. "You two can go back to bed. I'll be in in a minute."
With one last quick squeeze Aqua stands and drapes her blanket around Ven's shoulders before walking through the balcony door held open by Terra. He follows her out and closes the door behind him. But not all the way. He doesn't feel comfortable leaving Ven all alone after some of the things he had said and done during their midnight conversation. He stands to the side and watches silently as Ven speaks out loud to the quiet night.
"Tay, I miss you. I just wanted you to know that I'm happy. I'm safe. And I forgive you. For what it's worth I never blamed you. Your death wasn't your fault or mine or anyone's really." Ven pauses and Terra almost turns to go seeing that Ven isn't in the self destructive state he had been concerned about. But before he can take a step towards his room, Terra stops hearing Ven speak again. "I'd like to think you felt the same way as me, but I don't think you did. I fell in love with you that first day the heartless came after my keyblade and everyone ran away. Everyone except you. Maybe you did love me. Was I your best friend, your brother, or your crush to you? I don't know. But it doesn't matter. I loved you when you were with me and I love you even now that you are gone. And you will remain in my heart forever. But I can't go on like this. I have to let go of the past. I have new friends and a new home and a new life. Ever since you died I've been stuck going through the motions of living without really trying, but I'm done feeling that way. I'm going to live for the two of us."
Terra slips down the hallway as Ven rises to his feet. He shuts his door quietly and listens as Ven's light footsteps make their way past his door. Terra crawls back into bed with a sigh. The events of the night had been trying to say the least and he tries to push it all out of his head. The next morning would be better for thinking. So he rolls over onto his stomach and lets himself succumb to sleep.
Awwwwwwwww! Vennnnnn! This chapter was soooo sad :(
So yeah Ven is gay... hope nobody is mad about that. I did say this story had some yaoi in it in the summary. And anyone out there who hates pairings with OCs don't panic, Ven's main pairing is with a real KH character who you probably won't guess. But his love life will be complicated...and that's all I'll say for now! I don't want to give away any surprises.
Mexi: I want to get to Vanitas too! But I have to save him for later. :( He will be in this story eventually.
How 'bout this! If you have a guess at who Ven's boyfriend is going to be write it in a review. If someone gets it right they will get...uhhhh...a virtual high five?
Ok so not the best prize but guess anyways!