A/N: Remember me? Yeah... I'm terrible at updating. I hate school so I'm blaming this on school. And life.

Anyways, incase you forgot, Meredith and Derek were in a car crash. She's fine but he's paralyzed and just underwent surgery to fix his brain.

XXX

"There were some complications," said Dr. Bailey slowly. Meredith's eyes widened and she gulped nervously.

Meredith stared at her colleague, her body starting to shake. Complications weren't what she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear that the surgery went smoothly and that Derek was going to wake up within the hour. But obviously whatever higher power existed was determined to rip apart hers and Derek's lives until they were shreds of rags scattered on the floor of the universe.

"What complications?" questioned Amelia nervously.

"He coded unexpectedly for a bit, he was down for a few minutes but we got him back. We're hopeful that he'll wake up without any brain damage from loss of oxygen," she said.

"Oh thank god," sighed Meredith, finally willing her lungs to work again. "You had to scare me like that?"

"I'm sorry," smiled Dr. Bailey sadly. Meredith leaned back in her wheel chair in relief. She made a mental note for when she started operating again: Never start with, "There were some complications," if the patient is a live and there's hope.

"He's in the ICU now," she said. "We'll move him to recovery when he wakes up and you can see him there."

"Thank you, said Carolyn, smiling gratefully at the doctor who was working so hard to keep her son alive. Dr. Bailey nodded, smiled, and turned back down the hall.

XXX

Derek began regaining consciousness, tugging himself out of the dark recesses of deep sleep. He heard the now familiar beeping of machines, constantly monitoring his oxygen levels and blood pressure. The stench of sterilization flooded his nose as he took a deep breath.

Meredith noticed his eyes fluttering open, as he struggled to wake up. "Hey," she said softly as she stroked his hand.

"Hi," rasped Derek, his head falling to the side to look at his friend.

"How are you?"

"Feeling like I just had brain surgery."

"Hm. That'd be bad if you hadn't just gotten out of surgery," she giggled. A dry chuckle radiated out of his chest, settling in Meredith's ears gently.

"It went okay?" he questioned.

"Yeah, you're fine."

"Hmm."

"You're not going anywhere under my watch, Derek Shepherd."

"Hmm okay."

"Go back to sleep," she said sweetly, almost reaching to push his hair back before awkwardly remembering, he had none to push. Instead she reached for his cheek, caressing it gently. "You need it." With in moments, Derek obeyed, his eyes closed again as he fell dead to the world.

XXX

"Come on, Derek you can do it," encouraged Meredith as her best friend concentrated fiercely on his hand, willing it to stretch out. He'd been able to bend it into a fist with a lot of trying but extending it back out seemed to be more of a challenge. With one more groan of frustration he managed to open his hand. Meredith let out a sigh of relief. He was improving, retraining his brain to do what he willed. Between his medically induced coma and lack of oxygen from his last surgery, he'd lost some muscle strength and Jenny, the physical therapist, was there to rebuild it as well as keep his legs, moving.

"Great job, Derek," smiled Jenny, the physical therapist. "As soon as your arms get a little stronger, I think we can send you home."

"Thank you so much, Jenny," said Meredith gratefully.

"Of course. Just keep working on all the exercises I showed you and I'll check up again tomorrow," she smiled, patted Derek's arm, and walked out of the room.

Derek's face fell into a mixture of anger and sadness and he cast his eyes towards the ground.

"Derek, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Derek," she said, her tone sounding like a mother warning her child.

"I'm just sick of this crap," he grumbled. "I'm sick of being and invalid in a hospital bed. I can barely open and close my fist!" His face glowed red in anger and he stared down at his lifeless hand, which sat limply on the white sheets.

"I know but, you've been doing so well. Just a little longer and you'll be out of here, back to living life."

"I'm paralyzed," he snapped. "I will never be able to just live a life, Meredith."

"Yes you will, Derek. Just because you're in a wheelchair, doesn't mean your life is over!"

"It does though. I can't operate. I spent years trying to get where I am in my career now and for what?" He threw his head back at the pillow, self-pity boiling in his veins.

"You can still do research, you're a brilliant man, Derek Shepherd." He just sighed, mumbled something about being tired and closed his eyes. Meredith sighed, leaning back in her chair. Carolyn was right. She needed to tell him. Even if he didn't reciprocate, hearing the three words might prove that someone could still love him. Though she could end up with her heart ripped to shreds, lying on the floor, she could do it for him.

XXX

"So how do you feel?" questioned Dr. Wyatt as they sat in her neutral colored office. Her clothing matched the office, a pale beige shirt with darker beige pants. Derek's chair was parked where a normal chair would normally be stationed; he stared blankly at the aquarium across the room. Colors swam around in circles, reflecting on the water around it. Meredith had helped him into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt so he didn't have to go through the embarrassment of being wheeled through his workplace in a hospital gown. The light squeak of the wheelchair, calling attention to him brought enough embarrassment.

"How do I feel?" he asked bitterly. "My fiancé walked away from me because she didn't love me enough to stand by me. My career is over because even if my nerves are fine in my upper body, who wants a surgeon in a wheelchair? My mother and sister have to take time out of their lives to help me and my best friend is making herself sick, sitting by me day and night." He took deep breaths, trying to contain his anger.

"Okay, well, let's talk about these issues separately," she suggested calmly. "What do you want to start with?" Derek didn't answer; his eyes returned to the aquarium. "Let's start with your career. It's not over."

"Of course it is," he snapped.

"You may not be able to be a surgeon anymore but, being a doctor is much more than that, Derek," she said. "From what I've heard, Dr. Shepherd you're a genius. You can still teach or research, you can save a multitude of lives from behind a desk. Saving lives should be the main point of being a doctor."

"It's not the same. Surgery is," he stopped himself, "was my life."

"I know it isn't the same. But, you won't start feeling better unless you accept the reality of the situation and figure out ways to live happily with it."

"I know if I can do that," Derek admitted miserably. Surgery was his life, the OR, his sanctuary. It calmed him to stand, performing a procedure he was sure he could do. Now, he wasn't sure of anything; he needed the clarity of surgery.

"That's the best place to start," said Dr. Wyatt. "In these sessions, I'll help you figure out ways to accomplish that." He nodded in understanding. "Now, what about your fiancé? What, besides the obvious, is upsetting you about her and that situation? I just want to get a full assessment of where you are emotionally."

Derek stayed silent, staring down at his folded hands. "I don't want to be alone," he whispered miserably.

Dr. Wyatt stretched into a different position in her chair, folding her hands on top of her notebook. "Derek, you don't sound alone. You've got your mother, and your sister, and from what I've heard, this best friend of yours seems pretty amazing."

"She is but I don't want to spend my life alone She's beautiful, smart, and wonderful," said Derek, a flutter erupting in his heart. It scared and confused him but he pushed it aside. "She'll get married and I'll be alone. My mother will go home, my sister will get married and have kids. Who would want to be in a relationship with me now? I'm work, not a boyfriend or husband."

The doctor scribbled down some notes in her notebook, the scribbling of the pen on paper, scratching the silence of the room.

"As we get to know each other, I'm sure I'll find more redeemable qualities about you that would make you appealing to any girl," she assured him, hoping to build his confidence. "You don't want a girl who won't approach you just because you're in a wheelchair. You will find someone who loves you for you and I'll help you get to the point where you can see that too."

Derek clammed up; returning his eyes to the aquarium for the third time.

So hard to let it go,
When it's there, under my skin.

Is there anybody there?