Author Note: … I've troubled Hyde enough for one day…let's move on to the next friend.

Chapter 18 – The Lamenting Continues

There were tow-headed kids on Schwinn bicycles and little girls with Mary Jane shoes playing hopscotch on the sidewalk. There were little brown haired boys with braces and kids with coke bottle bottom thick eyeglasses.

And they were having fun.

Little green army men were positioned on dirt hills and exploded by rock "bombs" and the boys laughed as the enemy "commies" were blown to smithereens. The girls giggled behind their hands and flirted outrageously and then ran off for fear of catching cooties.

Little Michael Kelso was powering up a slingshot bomb to wipe out Eric's well placed troop of soldiers. Using his toilet paper tube binoculars, he knew exactly where to aim to wipe out the whole platoon.

KA-POW!

The braces in Kelso's mouth rattled his teeth as a huge rock slammed into his cheek. "OW, my EYE!" A chubby little hand covered his face and came away sticky with blood. He pulled his palm out to look at the mess and replied with awe. "How cool."

Eric moved into a crouch and pushed his brown hair out of his face and informed Kelso, "Dude, you don't look so good."

Kelso held up his hand and watched the blood drip and coagulate in the dirt. He felt a trickle on his cheek and snaked a taste with the tip of his tongue. "Blood tastes gross."

Eric reached into the hole and pulled out his G.I. Joe with Kung-Fu grip. "Let's go see my mom. That's a lot of blood."

Kelso looked around and saw a kid in a tee shirt tamping out a cigarette with his Ked's. He pointed and shouted, "Hey! That's the guy that hit me."

Eric tugged on Kelso's sleeve. "I don't think you want to start a fight man. Let's go to my house."

Kelso straightened his head gear so his braces didn't hurt and replied, "I don't want to fight with him…I just want to thank him."

Little Eric rolled his eyes, "Thank him? For what?"

Kelso grinned. "With a black eye, Pam Macy's gonna think I'm cool!"

Flash-forward – "Oh honey, that's the third time you've fallen off the roof." Kitty chided softly. "Don't you think the first two times would have taught you that you can't fly with an umbrella?"

Kelso's legs swung from the gurney and he looked at Mrs. Forman with sad eyes. "I see Mary Poppin's doing it every year on TV and she never hit her head on a tree!"

Kitty placed a boo-boo kiss on Michael's head and added, "You're going in for an X-Ray and let's hope that this time there's no fractures okay?"

"Will I be radio-active? Will the girls still like me?"

Kitty patted his hand and smiled, "Honey, the girls are always going to like you."

"Cool." Kelso whispered to himself.

Flash-forward - Biting his bottom lip with his top teeth, Michael Kelso carefully threaded the wire coater hanger between the leg cast and his shin. The itch in there was terrible! Eric jumped over the back of the yellow basement sofa, upsetting the delicate balance between wounded leg and handmade anti-itch surgery. Suddenly the wire jammed into Kelso's leg and he howled with pain but grinned, "Hey, nice one Eric, that's gonna leave a good scar."

Eric looked over at Hyde who was reading a comic book and he merely shrugged. "Kelso, why do you want a scar?"

The golden boy smiled, "Because I want to be awesome."

Hyde pushed his first set of aviators up on the bridge of his nose. "Why awesome? I thought you always just wanted to be cool."

The older boy shrugged his shoulders, "I'm way past cool."

The projector screen froze on a picture of Kelso wearing the stupid helmet. Leo unbuttoned the jacket of his disco suit and shook his head sadly, "Like hey man, don't you have anything you regret?"

Hyde looked over at his friend who was resting his chin in his cupped hands and thoroughly enjoying these small but painful glimpses into his past. Kelso replied, "Nope."

Fez leaned over and frogged his friend, "Nothing? What about Betsy? Did you forget about her?"

Tatiana was tapping the screen with her long red fingernail. "Betsy is your…..girlfriend?"

Kelso sat back, "She's my daughter."

Tatiana digested this tidbit of information. Why didn't she know about the Chariot having a child? The fortune teller walked over to stand next to Michael and perched on the edge of the desk giving him a nice peek at a slender thigh. She knew this man thought with his little head and that had to be it! His sexual promiscuity produced a child!

"Tell me about this Betsy."

Kelso grinned and replied, "She is so awesome. Betsy is the best thing I've ever done." He reached out and stretched his arms while yawning. "Looks more like me than her mother and she's talking real good."

Kelso looked at Eric, "Learned a couple of baby burns while you were gone. You should see what she does when I change her diaper!"

Tatiana waved her hands to catch Kelso's attention. "How was this Betsy conceived?"

Proudly, Kelso replied, "Doing it in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert."

Leo shook his head sadly, "That's not cool man."

Three heads swiveled to look at the hippie. Leo only replied, "I mean if you're gonna make a baby do it in a cheap hotel or at least the back seat of a car…not a bathroom."

Hyde smirked and looked pointedly at Kelso, "At least Leo has scruples man. What do you think Brooke's gonna say when Betsy asks her the same question?"

Kelso's eyes widened, "Crap! I didn't think of that!"

Eric frowned, "Apparently you weren't thinking about protection for your trouser snake either."

Fez looked shocked. "Kelso had a snake? Why was I not told of this?"

Tatiana cleared her throat. While the boys were adlibbing about Kelso's conception flaws, Tatiana summoned a vivid picture of an adorable little girl with chestnut brown hair and big brown eyes. She turned to the screen and with a flick of her wrist, little brown haired Betsy image was smiling down at the small group.

"Daddy, push me higher!" Betsy Kelso shouted happily. Michael Kelso gave the tire swing a big shove and it sailed into the sky spinning and groaning on the old fat tree limb that held it aloft.

Kelso looked over at Eric, 'See? That's my baby!"

Hyde coughed uncomfortably, "Uh…no…that's your baby in a couple of years."

Tatiana walked between the two sets of seats. "My little Chariot. I do see you as a fine father with no scruples as to how your daughter was born…I only see good things in her future."

Suddenly from nowhere, a giant ruler slapped the desk plate in front of him, making Kelso jump. "Whoa! Now if you're really into that…..I mean, you're hot for an old…fortune teller…but…."

Eric reached over and frogged his friend again. "Shut up Kelso."

Tatiana only smiled. She motioned for Leo to come forward. "You know him better than I. What would be his biggest regret?"

Leo's eyes squinted as he looked into Michael's big brown orbs. Kelso loved the attention and basked in it. He bragged to Tatiana, "Me and Leo go way back."

Leo shrugged. "I don't think he regrets anything."

Kelso smirked, "I'm sorry for some stuff but I don't regret anything. I mean I'm sorry for a bunch of mistakes I made and there's some times I got hurt and didn't mean too but really, I'm pretty awesome."

Leo sighed, "What's the old saying? The Lord takes care of babies and idiots?" The hippie ruffled Kelso's hair, "Man, just keep on being you, cuz your special."

"…and you're special too Leo – thanks!"

Tatiana whirled, "There has to be another boy with a big regret. Her head swiveled and she locked eyes with Fez.

"You!"

Fez's face froze like he was caught peeping again. "Me?" he squeaked out. She nodded. "Ki…Leo? Would you please start the film again?"

The old school film projector started click click clicking away and Fez felt the urgent need to pee.

T7S

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A/N: What would Fez have to regret?