Author Note: ….to some folks, this chapter will make no sense at all but to Jackie/Eric fans….you'll get the picture

Chapter 20 – Seafood and Logic

T7S

Jackie was leaning against back of the classroom very aware that none of the guys could hear her shouting their names. It seemed as if there was an invisible wall in the middle of Mr. Stanton's classroom and she was on the other side. She crossed her arms and the sweatshirt of her cheer uniform stretched more tightly than she remembered. Why was she still wearing this outfit and how long were the gypsy and Leo going to leave her back here?

Steven. She silently fumed when Steven didn't confess to regretting his marriage to Sam but Jackie could feel her heart breaking a little when he called Bud and Edna, "his shits for parents". The movies on the screen gave her glimpses into the foundation of his past that were the formation of his present. Jackie wanted to think that maybe, just a little bit, she helped him become a better person.

At least they weren't sniping at each other!

Michael. Michael Kelso's past journey was hilarious. She had heard basement stories before, but to see it was something else. Michael was proud of every bruise and broken bone. He also had a great admiration for Mrs. Forman. He loved his daughter no matter how she was conceived. Secretly, Jackie was glad he didn't have any regrets.

Even though he was a cheater!

Fez. Jackie decided his biggest regret was that he never got enough sugar in his diet. Why his teeth weren't rotten was still a mystery but still, he loved her as a friend and a fashion companion. Jackie was so glad that romance didn't work out on New Year's Eve. Was that really only a week ago?

At least she never had to kiss him again!

Eric. Jackie watched his story on projection screen and felt sorry for him. The man tried so hard and he was so in love with Donna but Jackie knew that marriage was doomed. Donna was almost more controlling than a Point Place cheerleader! Like Jackie Burkhart! The just-in-case suitcase, in the backseat of the car on the night of the rehearsal dinner, was like a big red flag waving in the breeze advertising that DONNA DID NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED. Little did anyone realize at the same time Eric Forman was having the same thoughts.

Eric made the right choice for the wrong reasons.

That was when Jackie gasped. She got it. She got IT! The riddle picture on the chalkboard was about Eric!

MAN

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Eric Forman was the man overseas! His time in Africa was somehow responsible for all this spell and hallucination crap the gypsy was putting them through!

So the theme of this little party was regrets was it? The fortune teller was going to dredge up painful pictures of her childhood, get her to feel bad and confess? Not this Jackie Burkhart! She pushed off the wall with foot and nearly stumbled when she realized that now she was suddenly in the Point Place High School cafeteria! She could hear the scratchy A.M music playing over the cheap intercom and now she was aware she was surrounded by the square kids and geeks - the table in the corner was all the chic kids. Where was the pep squad?

Jackie heard someone clearing their throat and she looked left to see Tatiana and Leo sitting at a cafeteria table covered in snow white linen and lit with a candelabra. The table was covered by plates of seafood. She frowned. "What is this? No movie for me?"

Tatiana shook her head no and waved a hand at the open bench. "Sit down my little Star. Let's eat."

Leo grinned, "Good cuz I've got the munchies and those crackers didn't fill me up munch."

Tatiana only smiled. "Jackie. I'm not going to ask you for your regrets because I know you have many and I don't want you to hurt more than you do. See…you and I are like kindred spirits…and the men we love are very much like shellfish."

Jackie's eyes widened with a "what the fuck?" expression.

Leo only smiled, "True. I know what Toots means."

Throwing one leg over the bench, Jackie straddled the seat and looked warily at the plates of fried shrimp, herb seasoned scallops, baked mahi-mahi and the other many dishes and oh dear Lord, help her…. But they smelled so good! Her stomach was rumbling.

"Eat." Tatiana encouraged both Jackie and Leo to start tasting the dishes. For Jackie, seafood was never one of her favorite choices as she preferred chicken or salad but the Seafood Au-Gratin was the best thing she ever tasted. She tried the fried shrimp and it sizzled in her mouth and when she bit into it, even the crunch sounded yummy. Leo was eating everything his bare hands could reach. It was a munch-fest.

Tatiana sipped on a crystal goblet of ice water and watched the pair feast. When it looked like they had eaten their fill she spoke. "Little Star….I know two of your past loves are sleeping soundly and you are dismayed that pain they caused you is not something they regretted."

Jackie wiped her lips with a soft napkin and replied, "You got that right."

Tatiana's hands swept the table. "The love you call Michael is like these little shrimps."

Leo's head popped up, "Say what?"

She smiled and continued. "Shrimp are many in the sea and when cooked without seasoning they are bland, yes?"

Jackie shrugged, "I guess."

"When you put a little shrimp into garlic and butter, the shrimp absorbs the flavor but it doesn't change the fact that there are many shrimps and you have to eat a lot to get full. Am I correct?"

Leo picked up a fried shrimp and picked away the coating leaving only the cooked pink shellfish naked of flavor. "Hello little Kelso…meet my mouth." He laughed and then popped the shrimp inside."

"Shrimps can be fried or boiled or steamed or stewed….they are used in salads and barbequed….what I'm trying to say is that your little Michael isn't really as unique as you would like to think he is. In the whole world of shrimp-dom….he's ordinary."

Jackie giggled as she imagined the expression on Michael's face if he was told that he was just ordinary.

"Okay, what about Steven?"

Tatiana picked up a Dungeness crab with its legs and pinchers still attached to the angry steamed body. "Crabs are the ocean's bottom feeders or the garbage men of the sea. Your Steven is a crab."

More giggling ensued as in her peyote muddled brain, Jackie could envision the small crab wearing a pair of aviators and sitting in a circle talking about cars that run on water. She blinked when she realized that the fortune teller was still talking about crabby Steven.

"….even with the large body, the really only edible parts are the legs and claws and they don't have much meat and that is why crabs are so expensive and only a dedicated fisherman will collect the pots to catch them"

Leo frowned, "Wait a minute. I've seen some with big long legs and you need a nutcracker to open it up."

Jackie looked at Leo when she realized he was talking about Alaskan King Crabs and she had seen them on a PBS documentary. "Yeah, what about those?"

Tatiana smiled patiently, "Those crabs come from colder, deeper waters up north and if you notice the legs are long and covered with sharp spines…If you try to open them with your fingers, the spiney legs will hurt you."

"Like Steven hurt me."

"It was his nature. His heart is covered in a hard protective shell. He is a man that is still trying to decide who he wants to be and wasn't ready to commit. Jackie….you cannot take a crab and cover it with flour, fry it and expect to have it for dinner. Crabs are not like shrimp. They are different and yet the same."

Jackie looked at the crab and the rest of the seafood on the table and sighed, "Is there a point to this food lesson?"

"Ah…yes!" Tatiana clapped her hands. "My little Star. I do not want to you see you settle for a shrimp or a crab when you have a lobster who is waiting for you and doesn't even know it yet."

Jackie remembered the time she heard her mother and father talk about some ritzy dinner they attended and Pam Burkhart had nearly said the word "lobster" with a reverence the young Burkhart girl had ever heard. "Lobster is good?"

Leo licked his lips. "Lobster is the best. It's the king of the crustaceans. Wait, how did I know that? Toots, let's go get some lobster when we're done."

Tatiana touched his cheek and smiled. "You are precious." She said shyly.

To Jackie she replied, "Lobster is what you strive for. I don't want to come back in two weeks, two months or even two years to find out that you settled for a crab or shrimp….do I make myself understood?"

Jackie shrugged. She got it….a little, but this whole crazy conversation really didn't make a lot of sense. "Hold out for the lobster."

The gypsy nodded. "Yes." She clapped her hands, "I need you to put your head down and take a little nap while I prepare the last of this adventure."

The brunette yawned and rested her cheek on the table. "I'm glad Leo likes lobster." She murmured.

Leo leaned back in his chair and sighed loudly. "Leo loves lobster. Toot's is a lobster." And then he thoughtfully burped his appreciation.

T7S

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A/N: The author admits to being extremely hungry after writing this and is a lover of shellfish – she doesn't care if the crabs wear aviator glasses or if the shrimp have a stupid helmet just as long as there is plenty of garlic nearby! BUT! She so loves the lobster…..mmmmm…..