The hot water stripped her skin of any feeling. It wasn't enough to wash away the agonizing pain of guilt and remorse.
The moment Derek walked from her room, her entire facade crashed down around her. For so long she had tried to be strong. So strong she couldn't even remember what it was like to feel anything. Her unique set of skills kept her alive in London; her dead soul being the only victim. Now a shadow from her past was trying to stitch up the holes left behind. The black thread would pull mercilessly, bringing her back together but ripping her soul further apart.
Tears streamed down her face, hidden amongst the steady flow of water. Trembling, Alex looked down upon her naked hands. Their clean appearance couldn't hide the flow of red that she knew should be there. No amount of scrubbing would free her unblemished skin. She would always see the stains.
She curled her body even tighter within herself, huddling against the shower wall. Her body had been honed as a weapon, used to cause pain. What did she have to show for it now? An empty life and a broken soul.
The creeping of cool water made it's way through the heavy stream. Turning around Alex pushed the nozzle down, shutting off the shower. Her naked body rose lazily, feet barely touching the chilly tiles. The steam clung to her skin, warming her body even after the hot shower had ended.
She skipped the towel, standing completely nude in front of the foggy mirror. Swiping the hand vigorously across the glass, she watched her disheveled face appear before her. Deep purple bruises marred the tender skin beneath her eyes. Her body no longer had the energy to lie down and sleep. Her dreams already knowing they'd be replaced by nightmares. Her usually full lips seemed too dull, lacking in color. She refused to focus on her eyes. Years of pain and death had darkened them from a warm brown to a deep fathomless shade; almost black.
Her hand subconsciously rubbed her right shoulder, her fingers tracing the intricate pattern only she had memorized. Her breathing slowed, her mind remembering the day she had received his bite. She remembered a shy boy, so scared of hurting her. He had seemed mesmerized by her pale skin, spending an endless amount of time tracing that bare shoulder with his hands before he sank his teeth in. The pain had been sharp but brief, his strong body there to cradle her after. He had spent hours that night whispering words of love to her, never realizing that she could hear them even through her muddled dreams.
Swiping her hand angrily across the glass one more time, she preferred her jagged reflection. Her heart hurt too much to think about him still. She had made it back, made herself stand in the same room only to realize just how much she still loved him. Her breath would always hitch whenever he was near. Her limbs would always tremble with the mire thought of grazing his.
She could preach to herself for hours, berating her inabilities to think straight around him. They hadn't seen each other for years and she couldn't hide six years of bloodshed from him. Her innocent dancer days were gone. She had abandoned them on the highway the day she sped away from Beacon Hills. Her guilty soul was the only reminder of her old self, the girl that Derek had actually cared for. Could he actually love her with her dark side now? She really had nothing to lose if he couldn't….she had already lost everything.
Her gut wrenching sobs were unbearable to listen to. His body refused to move from it's stationary position by her door. He pleaded for his feet to move, to carry him away from the pain that exuded from that room. His inner beast clawed at it's restraints. Knowing their mate was in pain, he was begging for release.
Shuddering out a quivering breath, Derek kept his body pressed tight to her door. Hours had passed, the cool afternoon already creeping upon his tired limbs. Alex's wolf senses had yet to pick up on his presence and she wouldn't. Her despair was so great, her pain so piercing, it left her body completely numb to everything else.
His fingers itched with the memory of tracing her skin. It had felt so good, so unbelievably destined. Six years of loneliness, of nightly visits from wanton women, of indescribable guilt and he was beginning to finally feel alive. His skin suddenly feeling warmer to his own touch. Her appearance was bringing about a new sense of renewal. His senses were sharper, his instincts suddenly more important with her arrival.
Her shower was suddenly on, the sweet scent of her naked flesh reaching his nose even outside the door. With his eyes closed, he could only imagine what it would feel like to hold her flesh to flesh. How it would feel to have her heartbeat hammering against his own as they moved in gentle unison. He was sure he could've died at that moment, his final wish to only make love to her, to show her what it was like to finally let go.
Her cries reached his sensitive ears again. Gritting his teeth, he slammed his fist against the wall. He couldn't go to her no matter how much they both needed it. She was so broken, so utterly shattered it was straining their bond. Everything was different about her. Her hair shorter, her skin less vibrant, her sharp tongue holding more restraint. And her eyes…those beautiful full eyes….were completely gone. Two dark pools smothered their fire like a heavy cloak.
Her quiet footsteps broke his reverie. She was trying to go back to sleep, something they both knew didn't come easily anymore. He waited for her to sense him, to come barging through her door to yell at him, to accuse him of spying on her privacy….nothing. Her sobs muted by the thick quilt surrounding her body. Her wolf side was caged deep within her depression, refusing to unleash his own fiery.
He wasn't weak, never had been. Even when she had arrived so unceremoniously in his life, she had only made him stronger. Now, she was falling apart, her body slowly dying. His teeth ground tightly together. His fists clenched, blood slowly dribbling down his knuckles. Someone had ruined his mate. They had dragged her innocent soul through filch, slowly breaking her, taming her fiery spirit.
Derek launched himself from the wall, his steps quick as they walked back through the alleyways he tracked her through. The kids would be back at the hideout within a few hours and he needed some time to himself. His body was weak, physically and emotionally drained. Alex would have to come to him on her own time, her body needed healing as well. She was strong but she was lost at the moment, her trip to find peace had only led to her finding a demons.
The warehouse was dark, the windows boarded up. Any unnecessary light could spell disaster for them all. He finally had a chance to have Alex back in his life and he was constantly fighting for his own. How could he intentionally put her in danger? The more distance he put between them would keep her alive.
The sub car was deserted, everything in the same spot he had deserted them on. The Argents hadn't been there, his hideout still safe for the moment. Shrugging out of his jacket, he threw it to one of the bench seats where the rest of his clothes lied. He had been leading such a solitary life, living in places that no one would even consider calling home. It was starting to get to him. When was he going to be able to stop running, to actually use his inheritance money to find a place to live? He wanted the day when he'd be able to know the feel of a real bed again. Not the pile of thick quilts that keep him a couple feet off the cold floor.
His shirt shortly followed suit, falling to the floor by his bed. His body was weary, his muscles needing time to unclench. His hand slowly crawled to his throat, fingering the silver chain. His fingers remembered the intricate pattern of each knot, falling to the solitary object that occupied the lonely chain. The sapphire stone was set within a silver band, it's fiery blue sparking beautifully against the simple background. Everything about that ring had reminded him about her, about her fire, the very reason he fell in love with her.