Everything was so cold. As she regained her senses and flexed her fingers to check she had bodily autonomy, she noticed the distinct chill and frowned, unable to keep a shiver from cascading through her body. Shepard couldn't recall being anywhere cold recently, and certainly had no plans on going to such a location unless the mission had demanded it. Cold temperatures had never appealed to her, especially during her childhood years. She felt slightly stiff and realized her hands were outstretched behind her head; furthermore, she felt a tinge of panic when she found they could not move, despite her best efforts.
"I would remain still and relax, Shepard." She heard echo through the space around her. She struggled to open her eyes, even the dimmest light blinding her temporarily. As her focus returned, she saw Doctor T'Soni at the end of her bed in the med-bay, looking up front a datapad; her lips curled into a smile as a flash of worry streaked across her face momentarily. "You will be here for a significant period of time, and it would displease me if you exhausted yourself."
Shepard's throat felt dry; she mustered up what saliva she could and swallowed it. "What…what's going on?" Each word was slightly sharp as it came out, despite her groggy state, as her parched throat rejected the activity. She glanced around the room, finding it empty, before she lowered her gaze to herself, noticing she was in one of the bodysuits she'd normally wear beneath her armor. This should be keeping me warm, though…
Liara's eyebrows rose slightly and she gave her a warm smile. "I told you before that you would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study." She spoke, her voice oddly mesmerizing, soothing Shepard's apprehension. "I was not lying. Therefore, it would be a great disservice to science if I did not follow through with such a plot."
"You were plotting against me?" Shepard asked, a wry smile spreading across her face. Despite the confusing situation, she felt comfortable with the prothean expert, hardly intimidated by the doctor's demeanor. She hadn't known her very long, but they were becoming friends. Or at least, I'd like to hope that's the case…
"Why Shepard, I resent such an accusation." Liara stated firmly with mock indignation. "Perhaps I should begin." She walked over to a nearby trolley and placed her datapad onto it, exchanging it for a scalpel. What the…
"Begin recording." The asari said simply, leaning over Shepard with curiosity, before slowly making her way back toward the end of the bed. "Her feet are remarkable in that they only have minor callousing. One would expect more from a soldier who is on her feet more often than not." The doctor spoke, tracing a finger along the edge of her left foot, causing it to jolt slightly.
"She is ticklish…interesting. It seems humans and asari share similar physical reactions." Liara said with a smile, focusing intently on the foot. "You see, Shepard, if you were to touch your foot, your body would not react similarly. You are a known entity. However, although we both know better, I would be deemed a threat… thus, the increased sensitivity of your skin, especially due to the saturated amount of nerves clustered in your foot."
Shepard barely had time to respond before Liara had the scalpel out and was cutting the bodysuit open from her ankle to her knees. She winced as the blade nicked her skin once or twice along the way, drawing Liara's interest.
"Did I hurt you? Are you in pain?" Liara asked, her sparkling blue eyes gazing at her apologetically. She'd suffered tremendously worse; the sting of a few minor cuts were barely noticeable to her. She shook her head slowly, drawing a sigh from the asari. "Shepard, you need not hide from me." She stated, gingerly lifting up the slightly wounded leg for inspection.
Liara held it slightly in the air for a few moments, drawing Shepard's curiosity. "What? Is something wrong?" she asked the doctor, who in turn slowly and gently grazed a hand up and down the raised leg.
"In my limited research on human bodies, I've come across a common belief that wounds could be… kissed better. I should conduct a trial." Liara stated kindly, lowering her face to the leg. Her lips gently brushed against her lower shin first, and then continued up toward the damaged area, each contact sending chills of pleasure through her body. I…what kind of in-depth study is this? She wondered, though she didn't vocalize her concerns, too busy enjoying the asari's affection.
"Liara?" Shepard called out after a significant pause in activity, confused at why the asari had stopped. As if reading her mind, the doctor looked up with a smile.
"Testing my…experimental method, Shepard. I must ensure I conduct the study properly in all areas." Liara replied, her tone slightly playful, but Shepard sensed something else there. She didn't have much time to ponder it, as the doctor's lips once again returned to her skin, kissing the targeted area; once again sending a jolt of pleasure through her, an airy sigh escaping her lips. Why am I so sensitive right now?
She watched the doctor's head slowly rise from the wound, compassion written across her face as she gave her commander a shy smile. "Did that make it better?"
Shepard could only nod slowly as she blushed, holding her eye contact with the doctor, whose smile widened at her reaction. Liara hummed with contentment and quickly kissed it again. What the heck is going on...
"I fear that due to the restraints, I may have to invade your personal space to a degree, Shepard. I hope you understand." Liara said teasingly, as she climbed onto the bed and straddled her hips. The scalpel came out again as she began cutting away the front of the bodysuit. Shepard knew any slight movement on her behalf could lead to Liara doing some pretty serious damage, so she did her best to remain still. The doctor soon flung a large portion of rubbery material away, marveling at Shepard's mostly naked upper body.
Shepard couldn't help but blush, wishing she'd planned better for this, thinking she should have worn something a little fancier than her N7 sports bra. However, the doctor quickly got to work, cutting through the middle of that, smiling when the cups fell to the side of her body, leaving her torso fully exposed. "There we are. I hope you do not mind, Shepard. I will compensate you for the damaged materials afterward."
She had a playful retort in mind, but Liara slid down onto her and placed her head mere millimeters away from one of her breasts, her warm breath a welcome distraction in the chilly med-bay. Christ…
"Shepard, are you cold? I have read about a certain human reaction to more chilled conditions. Muscles around the hair contract, leading to what appear to be bumps across the skin, much like you have." Liara said calmly, resting her palm between Shepard's breasts. Shepard could only gasp in response, writhing slightly from the touch. "However, I also have read that this reaction is caused by excitement, stress, and many other such stimuli. So it is unimportant in this…study of mine. Shall I remedy it? I would never wish for you to feel cold around me, Shepard." Liara finished, sitting up as she pulled off her gloves. She brought her hands down onto Shepard's abs and gently rubbed them slowly up and down across the expanse. Liara's hands felt different than a human's; her skin was a fair bit softer than hers, and held a texture that was slightly smoother, looking somewhat scaly.
Shepard felt herself hum in response to the asari's warm hands and the pleasure they incited as they slowly, through each repeated motion, made their way further up her body, barely an inch shy of her breasts. In a smooth motion, Liara's palms blazed a path around the two mounds, a disappointed moan slipping out of Shepard. She could feel her heart picking up pace as the asari caressed her sides, her thumbs tantalizingly close to where Shepard dreamed they would wander. Where Shepard hoped they would soon reach.
"I have heard that the back of the human neck is where a fair bit of body heat is released. May I investigate?" Liara asked shyly. Shepard could only nod, going with whatever the young doctor wanted to do. She felt herself flush with embarrassment at her own growing excitement. While each touch brought some apprehension, and more than a little confusion, Liara's gentle hands and reassuring words more than eased her worries. Even with her on top of me, and me being pretty naked, I feel…safe. Is that weird?
Liara once again slid down onto her, the doctor's clothed body lightly pressing against hers, instantly engulfing her body in warmth. Liara's head navigated to the crook of her neck, her nose grazing along the sensitive flesh as Shepard angled her head away to give the asari better access. She felt a tiny prick as Liara's teeth latched onto a bundle of skin and let it snap back, her hot breath caressing the newly reddened area. Shepard let out a moan as Liara continued study her neck, gasping each time her lips kissed her increasingly tender flesh, shivering with each teasing lick or breath. She felt a growing compulsion to hold the asari against her, and blushed at the thought. God, I….I need my hands…
"Liara…" Shepard breathed out as the asari nipped at her earlobe. Liara hummed in response, her nose nuzzling the commander's cheek, one hand massaging behind the human's back, another softly stroking her other cheek.
"Yes, Shepard?" Liara asked, lightly kissing the corner of her mouth, the sensation intoxicating.
"Can…can you untie me? I need…God, I need…" Shepard spoke, her voice unsteady from each ministration of pleasure.
"Soon, Shepard. I have one more area to explore in…depth." Liara whispered, giving Shepard a quick peck on the lips that left her wanting. She watched the doctor shift slightly to the side and trail her hand teasingly down her torso, her fingers stopping at the edge of the body-suit's material. "As an archaeologist, I am very understanding of the need to dig…deep." The asari breathed into her ear. Shepard could hear the mischievous grin in her voice, her fingers working their way beneath the clingy material.
Shepard's hips raised slightly in encouragement as her face desperately sought the asari's, which moved agonizingly out of reach. Liara's fingers stopped short of their destination, carefully and sensually stroking the tender inner thigh instead. Shepard blushed further as a whimper escaped her throat, frustrated at her lack of ability to give back, embarrassed that the asari's touch had already brought her such pleasure. Her body felt electric, practically vibrating in anticipation of the doctor's careful, gentle touch. There was nothing for her to do but anticipate as Liara's hand's slowly worked her into a maelstrom of desire; she was entirely at the asari's mercy, and it was nothing less than exhilarating, despite the limits she faced. Perhaps because of them.
"Liara!" she cried out as the doctor reconvened her assault on her neck, both teasing sensations bringing her closer to the brink. Christ, this is…ridiculous…she hasn't even…oh god… she thought as Liara's hand evacuated the area, leaving her writhing in place, her body blindly searching to feel her lover's touch once more.
"I am still here, Shepard." Liara whispered softly against her abused neck, kissing it gently; her thigh positioned itself between Shepard's legs, drawing the breath from the woman's lungs. Just the simple pressure from the limb had her hips bucking against it, her legs curling up to hold the asari there as Liara shifted to face her. She heard the doctor stifle a giggle, seemingly amused at her desperation.
"This has been…fascinating." Liara said, smiling kindly as she wrapped an arm around Shepard's neck, using the other to gently but firmly hold her down onto the bed. "But I did say that you will be here for a significant duration. This is but a single trial." She finished, as she slowly began to rock.
Shepard felt her eyes roll to the back of her head with each motion, both tantalizing and frustrating, as she wished to look at the asari. I want to see her…I…I don't think I've ever wanted to see anything blue so badly… she agonized, trying to focus through each body-shuddering touch, each sensual act of friction.
She couldn't help but cry out her lover's name as each thrust became more powerful, as her mind melted from pleasure, as she became a willing receptacle for anything the asari would generously offer her. Each cry a call to be freed, each shuddering syllable of her name a call of submission, each breath a blessing for the revelation that had been acquired.
She heard a voice in the distance, but brushed it aside as she worked to open her eyes, clammed shut from each of Liara's sensual efforts, her body on autopilot at that point. I haven't been this close in…fuck!...she mused, wanting to look into the asari's eyes as she neared her breaking point. She felt Liara's thigh shift away as her shoulders were gently shaken.
"Shepard!" she heard the doctor call out, her voice somehow muffled. Shepard heard panic and fear in her voice and finally found the will to open her eyes, her body still twitching in ecstasy. Liara was standing over her at the side of the bed, looking terrified. What? I…
Shepard's eyes snapped open fully, her head turning to quickly scan the room, and then to her body. Her armor was still on, and as she clued into reality, she couldn't be more thankful of that aspect of reality. Murakami was unconscious at the far end of the med-bay, but aside from him, they were alone.
"I have called Chakwas, she should be here momentarily. Are you well? Do you feel any ill effects?" Liara practically pleaded, bringing Shepard's focus back to her. She couldn't help but smile at the blue beauty in front of her as she let her head drop back onto her pillow. Fuck…what the hell did that even mean? If anything?
"I'm fine, Liara. Just…feeling a little…sensitive right now." She grit out, in disbelief of her situation. I cannot believe I just had a dream about….Goddess, indeed…wow. Way to go, Shep. Way to fucking go… Oh, here's a new person you're starting to like, after having a goddamn asari avoidance complex just days ago? How about we dream about them sexually devouring us? That's fantastic! You're citizen of the fucking year!
Her inner grumblings were interrupted by the warm, gentle touch of Liara's hand on her cheek, bringing her focus back to the doctor. She hoped Liara didn't notice the shiver that coursed through her body. "You…you were calling for me. I thought that…you were in danger, and …are you certain you are fine?"
Christ…can I really blame myself? She's so goddamned nice, and…her eyes are always so expressive and…fuck. I don't know…am I crushing on her, or…am I just a goddamn freak? she agonized, shaking her head more in an attempt to shake loose her frustrating thoughts than as an answer to her question. "I'm alright. I just had a…rough dream." Shepard noted bashfully, feeling herself blush as she covered Liara's hand with her own. "But thank you for being here." Oh hey! Let's project the dream's Liara onto the real Liara now, as if that's anywhere near accurate…fuck, get a hold of yourself, Shep! She's goddamn royalty for Christ sakes! Stop fucking touching her and just…just tell her to leave or something, I don't fucking know…
Liara's eyes glanced off to the side as her cheeks burned a vibrant shade of purple. "I was so worried when you passed out. Neither you nor Shiala were in any state to meld, and…Goddess, I should not be admonishing you while you're still recovering."
"As opposed to when I'm fully recovered?" Shepard said smirking at the asari's logic.
"At least then I would not feel so guilty." Liara's tone was warm, though her expression remained crestfallen. "I…truly hope you know that if you have any difficulties with the cipher, that I will always be here to help."
Shepard couldn't help but feel bad for the prothean expert. I'm just not ready for that kind of experience…not right now, and not until I figure out what I think of myself, after all this…not until I clear my fucking head…and not until it stops pounding…
"I know. You're the resident prothean expert, and here I am housing all these goodies to explore." Shepard noted sadly, understanding the asari's frustration.
Liara's eyes opened wide in shock. "Shepard, I did not mean to offend, I am aware your vision…" Liara began quietly, before Shepard took the asari's hand on her cheek and brought it toward her mouth. She froze as she realized what she was doing and clumsily shifted herself enough so that she could bring her other hand to fully cup the asari's instead. For fuck's sake, what's next, a light grope? Maybe the damn dream was right on one thing, you should stop being handsy, are you really this out of control?
"Liara, I'm serious. You've been here, on this ship, with an untapped ability to help me sort through this mess that's going on in my head. It's all this prothean stuff that I can't wrap my mind around, and I'm sure you'd be really excited to get a look at it. You've been studying them for fifty years, and it's my fault for not having the willpower to go through a meld with you." Shepard explained softly, her thumb tracing figure eights across Liara's knuckle. I can't take my shit out on her, she's got nothing to do with this…just…tell her I'm fine, and let her go back to more important stuff. Don't let yourself get serenaded by her voice…
"It…it is not your fault, Shepard. You cannot force yourself into feeling comfortable about something that is so…intimate. Even knowledge melds require a gentle approach. Otherwise, non-asari can experience pain or incapacitation…such as what you had to go through." Liara said firmly. "Human brains, like any non-asari brain, actively fight the meld under most circumstances. I will only engage in it if you are ready and willing, Shepard."
"Well, I don't exactly have the luxury of time. Saren still has the lead on us, we're still flying a little blind here." Shepard reasoned, drawing a frown from the asari.
"The galaxy will not end tonight, Shepard. I would like for us to work toward such an act, but I will never allow myself to…to put you in a position where you would be in pain, by my doing." Liara's words were both reassuring, and inspired her to hope that maybe she wouldn't need to keep sacrificing when she felt empty. Nice to know she's willing to wait…though I figure I'll spend less time around her in the near future, me being a fucking freakshow around her. Maybe I can destroy that dream I just had somehow, in case she stumbles upon it if we end up melding…yeah, that would be bad if she saw that. And awkward. And I'd probably scare her away. Rightfully so, too, who dreams about something that intense with a crewmate? That hasn't happened before...what the hell is wrong with me?
Both of their attention flung toward the med-bay doors as Chakwas stepped through, their hands untangling and returning to their sides hastily.
"Liara, what's wrong?" the older woman asked, looking at the two of them curiously. "You said there was an emergency but…well, Shepard's readings were perfectly normal and the Commander certainly appears to be fine."
"It was apparently just something of a nightmare, doctor. My apologies." Liara conceded sheepishly.
Shepard paled as Chakwas shot her a knowing look. "A nightmare…quite." The doctor stated, placing her attention back on Liara. "If you don't mind, I would like to give Shepard a checkup. If you would wait in the lab, my dear..."
Liara briskly nodded and quickly returned to her makeshift home as Chakwas slowly strolled to Shepard's bedside with a shit-eating grin on her face. Oh fuck…
"Don't even think about it, doc." Shepard warned, though she knew she was at a severe situational disadvantage.
"And here I was about to let you go take a refreshing shower." Chakwas said, smiling wide. "I will not have you corrupting that poor asari, Shepard."
Shepard shook her head at the allegation. "Give me a break, Chakwas. I don't even remember what the hell I was dreaming about, or having nightmares about, or whatever." She lied, hoping she seemed sincere enough and that the doctor wouldn't call her bluff.
"And the hand-holding I witnessed when I came in?" the doctor asked amusedly, tapping her foot in impatience.
"She was terrified! She's my crew, and I needed to convince her I was fine." Shepard reasoned, the doctor rolling her eyes at the remark. "Asari use touch to communicate that kind of stuff, from what I've been told."
"She called me over my personal comms, informing me that you were calling her name repeatedly." the doctor noted, smugly emphasizing the last word as she leaned up against the wall behind her.
"I won't deny that it could have been something more…intimate." Shepard admitted exasperatedly, trying to concoct another valid explanation, failing to find one that wouldn't be emotionally manipulative. "It's not like I wanted it, if I did have that kind of dream. This kind of stuff happens. Can we just drop this?" She finished, a blush returning to her cheeks as frustration built inside her.
"I'm not entirely certain these kind of things happen to just everyone, Shepard." Chakwas mentioned, though she reeled her playful expression back as her patient's distress began to erupt.
Shepard sat up, her eyes ablaze with an amalgam of fury. "Look doc, you want to get your rocks off ribbing someone who hasn't been…touched…since she was a kid, then you can be that person. I'm sorry that I can't give my body what it needs, and it has to do that shit behind my back. I'm sorry that I'm kind of feeling really messed up right now between this, the cipher, and that shit with Zhu's Hope, and for thinking a shower would be great, so I can maybe feel a little less disgusting." Shepard ranted, swinging herself off the bed, moving her feet toward the door. "I'll get some goddamn bed rest. If anyone needs anything in the next twenty four hours, they can talk to Pressly, unless I decide to take my corrupting self out of my damn office." She growled, breathing heavily, venom dripping from every syllable her hoarse voice could produce. She didn't spare a glance at Chakwas' direction as she blitzed through the doors and across the mess hall, her balance wavering with each step.
As the doors to her personal quarters closed behind her, she fell to her knees in exhaustion. Feros had been tiring enough without the cipher, and between enduring that and the emotional exhaustion from the dream and all that had followed it, she was finding it difficult to breathe. Her hands scrambled to detach her armor, each piece falling unceremoniously to the ground as she struggled toward the shower. She used the last of her energy to slip out of her bodysuit, her body keeling forward and spewing vomit into the small steel shower stall.
Why is this…happening to me? She wondered to herself, unaware if the tears streaking down her face were from vomiting, from pain, or if they were from self-pity. In the end, neither would have made her feel better. She curled into a ball, accepting the cold, hard sensation of steel on her flesh alongside the tremendously painful migraine encroaching upon her.
The eggs were particularly bad that morning. Kaidan wasn't sure if the slight acidic taste of the eggs and orange juice were too big of a reminder of Feros, or if it was just a bad MRE. He'd never been the biggest fan of breakfasts, not since he'd left home. It was always hard for the meal to live up to a history filled with fresh waffles and real maple syrup. His fork danced around the somewhat edible objects on his plate, unwilling to engage and get the ordeal over with.
"Didn't know you could play chess with food, Alenko." He heard across the mess hall table, looking up as Williams plopped down opposite him with a poor attempt at a grin. The entire crew was still reeling from the events on Feros and Zhu's Hope, and the gunnery chief didn't seem to be any different.
Kaidan pushed his plate away to the side. "Can't muster up much of an appetite. I should be hungry, but…well, you know." He said, annoyed at himself for wasting food. Perhaps I'll eat it cold later.
Ashley gave a look over her shoulder, toward the medbay. "Yeah, hard to eat after seeing Murakami like that." She spoke quietly, resting her elbows on the table. "Never seen acid whittle anyone down to the bone like that. I can still smell it."
"I think that's the eggs, marine." Kaidan added glumly, wincing at the image burned into his mind. "Though I wouldn't doubt you either way. The entire colony stunk of it after the battle. Wish I would have hung back a bit further against the geth. I might have been able to stop him."
"No point weighing what-ifs, Lieutenant. No one knew the colonists would be like…that." Ashley assured him with a slight shake of her head. He knew she was right, but it didn't take away the guilt he felt for letting one of his subordinates come to harm. "I just wish they could have been saved in the end."
"Still a lot I wish we knew about that plant. If we'd known it was keeping the colonists alive…" Kaidan began, stopping mid-sentence as an angry fist slammed down on the table.
"It put them in that position somehow. Chakwas said their bodies were decayed enough to fail without its intervention. Don't know how it did it, but it explains why they were so greenish." Ashley muttered. He could tell she was uncomfortable, and chalked it up to her losing her cool in front of her superior. She seemed the type to be a bit of a control freak. "The thorian made them slaves. As much as it's horrible…we set them free. We gave them some peace, maybe." She finished quietly.
"Peace I don't think Murakami's going to have for a while. That leg's going to take months to re-build and rehab. He'll have to be dropped off… somewhere, I think, and that puts us down a man for our mission. As if we could afford to lose another." Kaidan added grimly, eyes darting toward the med bay for a moment.
"Yeah. We've lost enough humans already, we don't need to lose any more." Williams agreed, which drew a mirthless laugh from Kaidan, whose mind instantly returned to a conversation he'd had with their resident quarian.
"Says the woman who risked her life saving a turian's." he noted simply, a smug grin forming on his face. He was glad Garrus had lived, and only needed minor surgery. Hearing the report, he could hardly believe it, and seeing her face redden slightly in either anger or embarrassment, he knew he'd gained at least some ammo on the gunnery chief.
"I wasn't thinking, I just… reacted. Saw the rocket trooper fire the shot and I'd made the mistake not to prioritize it over the normal geth troops. Just making up for my mistake." Ashley explained, although it wasn't entirely convincing.
"And I could say none of the team prioritized that rocket trooper, including Garrus. Not your sole responsibility, Williams, but you did it anyway." Alenko reasoned, and he ignored the marine's annoyed scoff shortly afterward. "I'm glad you did. Garrus is a good soldier, he just needs some training in tactics."
"He needs to learn how to bend his knees and duck." Williams laughed, though she was still visibly frustrated, from what he could tell. "I can't always be there. I don't think I'll always react like that in the future, either…never really saved a turian before."
"Never really had a chance before, from what I hear. I'm glad Shepard and Anderson helped bring you aboard, you're a good soldier. Right up Shepard's alley, you get the job done." Kaidan said proudly. He'd always seen Williams as a sort of everyday marine, and liked to think that the rest of the Alliance would be as capable if they were in her shoes.
"I…kind of worry about what effect that has on her." Ashley noted as her brow furrowed, her eyes housing a faraway look to them. Kaidan could only give her a questioning look, not quite understanding her. Williams gave a half shrug and looked over to Shepard's office. "She's barely been on this mission for a few weeks and she's already run ragged. The Alliance wants her to get the job done. The Council wants her to get the job done. But on Feros…she had to decide out what the job was, and how to get it done. I mean, it's just adapting to the situation, we're trained for that, but…"
Alenko leaned forward, curious to the train of thought running through the marine's mind. "But…?"
"She could have called for us to kill the colonists. We knew next to nothing on the thorian, and the colonists had taken down a marine. If she was the kind to just get the job done, she would have had us kill them, but she didn't. She had us knock them out, putting ourselves at risk. She made everyone know that we had a responsibility to the colonists, that we had to get the job done for them too." Williams rambled. Kaidan knew Shepard wasn't always the cold-hearted soldier on the battlefield, but that streak ran strong in the commander. At least, that's what he felt. "I watched her pummel a man into unconsciousness, and she felt it. It horrified her, and while I'm sure she made the right call…I don't know if she did it to punish herself for putting the crew at risk, or if she just felt that's how it had to be. Either way, that's not a weight I think I can help bear for her. I can't help her make those decisions, I can't have that responsibility. She's dealing with that, and a lot of other crap, and she's not sleeping. Outside of a night on the Citadel, she's barely eating."
Kaidan paused for a moment to think, coming to agreement with a lot of what the young marine was saying. A thought clicked in his head as he traced back to the previous day's fight in the thorian's den.
"She did seem out of it. Hell, even at the start of the mission, she was a little off, but after the thorian died…she got sloppy. I can't believe she just jumped right in on that mind meld." Kaidan noted hastily.
Ashley leaned back and bit her cheek slightly. "To be fair, we were all running on adrenaline, and no one really called her out on it. I should have clued in that it could be a bad idea." She said, shaking her head angrily at herself.
"Well, Chakwas said she'll be fine, but still. That Shiala was indoctrinated, apparently. If Saren could do mind control, and the thorian could do mind control, was she being controlled at the time? Was she really free?" Kaidan asked, drawing a shrug from the woman opposite him. "I mean…if Saren can control our minds, what can we even do to stop that?"
"Especially if it's slow, and we don't see it coming. He could have had this planned for years, have turned a lot of people to his side. Who can we trust?" Ashley added, frustrated. "It's a lot easier to point and say that my enemy is a geth, that's what it looks like. A lot harder when your enemy's invisible like that."
Kaidan nodded and thought of their current blank slate ahead of them. No leads, no missions, no orders. He wondered what would be done with the asari commando, but hoped whatever it was, it would be done soon. "It'll be even harder with Shiala on board as a reminder and potential threat. Especially harder on Doctor T'Soni, after her mother and her old acquaintance are or were both on the other side of this."
Ashley gave an annoyed snort and pulled Kaidan's discarded meal in front of her. "Never really liked the doctor. Or trusted her. If this helps prove she deserves to be here, then I'm all for it."
"She more than proved herself down there, Williams. Without her, we wouldn't have been able to get Murakami out, we wouldn't have been able to hold the colonists off for long. I mean, I can put up an alright barrier, but…not like her." Kaidan stated firmly, wanting to give the marine some perspective. "She's a poor shot with a gun, but she reacted well under stress, and without her, Murakami wouldn't be here."
Ashley grimaced as she prodded a piece of cold egg and took a bite into it, taking a while to chew and swallow. "So she helped a bit. Now she has a servant that worked for her mother on board. Can we write off the chance that she'll do anything to sabotage the mission?"
He would have spat out his drink had he been drinking, and merely looked at the woman with disbelief. "Williams, you're talking about the same asari that has a tendency to hover around the med bay, helping anyone who gets hurt." He reasoned, hoping she would understand.
"And Chakwas lets her help organize her supplies. I just think that it might be too much to trust her with that kind of thing. She's always hiding away from everyone." Ashley retorted, earned a frown from Kaidan, who wanted to be amused at Williams bravely trying to get the meal down.
"She's apparently been a bit of a recluse for decades…supposedly why she and her mother had a falling out. Understandable when your mother wants you to be a politician and you have social anxiety. Give her a break, Ash." Kaidan added, his voice brokering no disagreement.
The marine nodded as she finished the meal, using the last of the orange juice to get it all down.
"Alright. I guess she does have a tendency to worry every time the commander gets hurt. She's had plenty chances to finish her off." Williams said with a smirk.
"Kind of ridiculous how even when she's not hurt after a mission, she still winds up in the med bay." He said, shaking his head at the woman's poor luck. "Maybe she just enjoys visiting Chakwas." He laughed, earning a wider grin from Williams as they continued their banter. It would be hours before they would be given any direction. He figured it was time best spent winding down a little.
Liara couldn't help but feel wound up, a flurry of emotions assaulting her mind at any given moment. She had hoped the solace of the med bay's lab would quiet her mind enough to calm down, but the events of the last day were too overwhelming. There was too much to digest, and she was tired of feeling so confused so often. It seemed as if each time she found out something more about her mother, the more confused it made her. Liara couldn't help but hope her confusion had hit its peak. I am not certain I can manage…I wish aunt Tevos were here to help me, it is so hard…
Tevos, she was sure, would know how to navigate all that had been revealed by Shiala. Indoctrination was difficult enough to believe, even with the evidence of the thorian, but the thought of her mother succumbing to it was unfathomable. Mother would have noticed, she would have prepared for it, planned a number of ways to leave Saren. She…mother would never have ruled out any possibility…it is why she was so valued by Thessia, she had tremendous foresight, and always balanced her ego in order to be able to adapt short term. As much as I tired of her attempts to get me into politics, it is where she belongs. She would be smarter than to fall for that! Even if Shiala did, even if she let Shiala fall…she…she wouldn't have succumbed…oh Goddess, she couldn't have!
Her mind spun at the possibility of her mother being tricked out of her own mental faculties, and she needed something, or someone, to center her. Goddess, it has been over a decade since I have felt so…helpless! I must focus, but…and I know Shiala would try to help me if I asked, but I fear I may not be able to trust her. I cannot make such a judgment on my own, I need help, but…oh Goddess! What will Shepard think?! Shiala put her in the med-bay, and she was once indoctrinated. The commander could have her sent to the Citadel for questioning, or for imprisonment, or she could send her to Thessia as a traitor, or she could kill her here aboard the Normandy… she thought, each fleck of a rational idea taking form in her mind as she recalled the fight against the Thorian, how Shepard fought Shiala's clones fiercely. The way she adapted to Shiala's An'Jukh form so quickly and applied it herself in their next encounter…somewhat sloppily, but…it took her a minute to learn a form that took me a year to master the basics of…I thought for a moment she'd gotten a surface meld on me when those thorian thralls were surrounding me…it was as if she knew exactly what I was doing, even though I was merely reacting…if she were ever indoctrinated, then…oh Goddess, I should not think of such terrible things!
Liara practically hopped off the chair she'd been sitting on in the lab, and made a beeline for the door, pausing at the frame as her gaze held on her bedding. She missed the faint scent that the cleaning equipment had extinguished, the precise layering and tucking of sheets that Shepard had stressed over that night. Despite those subtle changes, it remained one of her few comforts, a place to escape her thoughts. She blushed from guilt, remembering how sunken Shepard's eyes had looked in the med-bay, how exhausted the woman appeared to be. I should not be retreating to a comforting escape when she is facing horrors and troubles of her own. I have been enough of a burden on her…
She couldn't help but recall her escape on Therum. How humiliated she'd felt for accidentally activating the wrong protocol, for being so helpless, for nearly getting the woman killed by her own inability to apply her knowledge on protheans in one small moment in her life. Shepard had saved her on Therum, she had helped save her family by not making her mother's affairs public, she had defended her on the Citadel, she had come to her rescue on Feros. She let Shiala live…perhaps she will let mother live… Liara mused, her thoughts darkening as her mind shifted back to indoctrination. Would she be so kind if I had been abducted by the geth, if I had been indoctrinated and found by her at a later time? Mother and Shiala…both had such strong minds…if they fell, I certainly would. Yet another thing to thank the commander for, yet…I am finding it terribly difficult to feel thankful. Shiala…
She knew she should feel good about having her old mentor, her friend back with her. She could learn so much from the commando still, and having her company again should have been a tremendous thrill. Yet here I am, feeling jealous because she has access to what I can only dream of…I have spent so long studying Protheans, and she has a veritable key to unlock their secrets! It…it is not fair! She griped, internally, as she leant back against the closed door. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to think as if she was Prothean…how would that alter her daily experiences? I…I both envy and fear such an opportunity, but I doubt I would pass up the chance…
Liara found herself slogging over to her bed, making a decidedly over-dramatic flop onto it. Liara, stop being so selfish…mother would be ashamed. A T'Soni must be better than that! She thought, burying her face in her pillows in frustration. I must not lose sight of proper perspective. I am alive…both Shiala and Shepard are alive…there is much to be thankful for, especially with how dangerous the last mission was, and how tremendously risky that meld was for both of them. I should not have given permission for Shiala to initiate it! Even…even if it may help Shepard understand her visions earlier, it caused her pain.
She had always been strictly reserved with melding in comparison to the majority of asari. Her mother would often have guests with bondmates of different species, and the topic of 'meld sickness' would arise at times. It was a fancy word for asari who strain themselves too much during melds, or other species who simply experience discomfort or pain during or after melds, and Liara wanted to avoid it entirely. Of course, I have only ever melded with mother, Shiala and Nesiiri. I am…not very experienced…she mused, although she only wanted others to experience melds like she did. Mother's were always so calming…soothing…she was with me when the doctors had to repair my leg after an expedition. I…Goddess, I cannot dwell on that right now. Nesiiri and Shiala would always be so comforting when I would return from school, crying over the names they would call me, over lacking a father…she smiled at the memories, as painful as they could be. She felt fortunate to have experienced painless melds, and wanted others to know such comfort and care through them as she was given. I hope Shepard is resting…perhaps one day when she is feeling better, and trusts me more freely, I might be able to give her that. To show her that melds can be wonderful, and not just painful or disorienting.
Her mind shifted to Shiala, who she hoped was resting in the cargo bay, regaining her strength. She was sure the commando would be fully recovered in a matter of hours, given the minor asari regenerative abilities, and couldn't help but wonder where that left them. She addressed me as if I were the head of the T'Soni household…but that is mother's place, and…and I refuse to believe she is entirely lost to us, to me! What will she expect of me? What…what effect will it have on this mission? Will I have to return to Thessia? I never wanted such responsibility…I fled Benezia's social circles in favour of libraries because the thought of leading our people to a better future was…it is frightening. I am not ready for such authority or responsibility…what shall I say to Shiala? What will she think?
Liara rolled over, cocooning herself in her sheets inadvertently as a stray thought pierced her. Shepard has not lived even three decades, and she has managed. She does not seem to care for it, she is young, and supposedly as poor with people as I am, yet she is capable…would I be capable? Would I be able to perform my duties under such stress? Would I be able to adapt? Shepard… Her thoughts trailed as she compiled what she knew of the commander. She is resourceful…perhaps Chakwas is correct…perhaps I should seek her help. If I am able to find a cure for this ailment of mine, or at least have an idea of what to look into, maybe I will be able to more clearly focus my thoughts. Yes…
Liara slid off her cot, taking a few moments to re-arrange the sheets back into a somewhat proper state before making her way out of the lab, toward her destination. She felt a rush flow through her at the thought of finally having an answer, and couldn't help but wonder if maybe Shepard had known anyone who had experiences similar symptoms. She seemed like a well traveled human, she felt sure that with Shepard, she would find her answer.
A/N: First of all, credit to Ma-Rin's "Liara's Favourite Dig Site" on Deviantart for inspiration, whose text a pretty much paraphrased in the first section because it was too perfect. Wonderful artist, love her mass-effect related work, so I hope you all give her some love too :) (ma-rin._.c0m/art/Liara-s-favorite-dig-site-295029412 you can fill in the blank and change a 0 to an o to get the url)
Secondly, while it's certainly not the only fic out there with a similar instance, T.A. Blackwell's "Only Human" (iirc, her only fic on this site, easy enough to search for, since ffnet seems to hate when I link story urls) came to mind sometime in mid-November when I was planning this chapter, and the first scene in this took some light inspiration. Though T.A is a vastly superior writer in comparison, and if you're interested in a one-shot that contains similar content as that scene, I would highly, highly suggest it. Not many 'smutty'/fluffy fics make my favourites, and even fewer fully do what they set out to do when it comes to the former aspect. This is one of them (and mayhaps the only one to really excel in all areas).
Now that credit is given where it is due, I am glad to say that I have released 5 chapters this month! Yay! I might stretch out a sixth if I can find the time (I have it outlined), but I travel back to Ottawa tomorrow, and have a lot of cleaning and prep work on the schedule in order to get my place ready for my upcoming new years' celebration, and the hordes of people who are apparently coming (many of whom I don't know, and I'll probably escape to bed before midnight in order to facilitate some early morning cleaning, but…well, I'm rambling now). Might be pressed for time. We'll have to see.
Anywho, Feros is over, and the crew's kind of stuck in limbo for a bit…a situation that will change soon enough, but until then, some stuff needs to be worked out. I'm sure you all understand :) I promise that this isn't just me filling the fic with angst and fluff in an attempt to escape in-game-related events…there are many on the way, coming up quickly. January (in my time period, at least) may well make for a tiring month for the Normandy's crew. Don't know if I'll make any new year's resolutions about the fic…mayhaps some of you could suggest me some? :P
So yes…plans are in motion. Here's hoping the contributions after the new year will appease you all! Until then, I shall proclaim my tremendous appreciation for all of you readers out there. You're excellent folk! I hope all of your holidays, your start of the winter season, etc. have gone well, and that you will find 2013 to be all you hoped for.
Best wishes, and all the thanks I can muster :D