The room was too quiet. Heather would have preferred almost anything over the torturous silence of the dark, barely furnished room; hardly a photograph of who and what she knew her friend to be. Shepard had always been strange in that way, she'd never been much of a collector, or one to surround herself with many trinkets or furniture. Even her home on Amaterasu was sparsely furnished, and only done to such a degree in order to accommodate a small gathering. Always told me she didn't need holos lining her halls of us. Never wanted an excuse to get lazy and let memories slip away…though ask her to take that ragged acorn necklace off…or ask her to play that piano of hers…and suddenly, she's all up in arms and defensive. Crazy lady…
She looked down at Shepard, still sprawled out on her bed; the cloth Heather had rested on her forehead was still half in place, and she wasn't sweating as much as she had before. She'd cleaned her friend's vomit up hours ago, helped her into some clothes, and had fruitlessly tucked her into bed. Heather knew Shepard was a fitful sleeper but she seemed more so than normal that night. She'd only meant to check up on her and see how the ground mission had gone, and arrived to something of a minor disaster. It had been years since she'd seen her in such a state. Not since that damn N6 bitch fucked her over…I hope tonight won't be as hard as that was…
Heather thought back to that night, and how excited she'd been for her. For years, she'd known Amber was still hung up on Faridah, and was thrilled to see her trying her hand with one of the other marines in her training program. She'd listened to the subtle excitement her friend would express when talking about even the most minor of meetings between the two, how she'd do daily vidcalls, or leave vidmail, asking about how to handle certain situations, whether the other woman's body language or phrases meant anything in particular. It had been fun watching her blossom, open up to someone else. She'd waited for hours after Shepard had promised to call, and initially had held hope that it had gone better than expected; when it had passed a full day, she'd made the trip to Terra Nova to visit, thankful she was on leave at the time. Upon arrival, she'd been met with a similar scene. Though she's…a lot thinner looking now. And her face is…I wonder if this is anything near what she was like when Faridah first met her…and it didn't smell like she was drinking…
Despite not understanding the reason why Amber had brought her onboard, she was more than glad to be there, if only to make things easier. She'd noticed how tired the woman had looked and wanted to help with that in whatever way she could. They ask too much of her…they always do, and she can never will herself to refuse…she's been more of a Giles Corey clone than a marine since Torfan… she thought, leaning forward enough in her chair so that she could brush a stray lock of hair off the woman's face and out of her mouth. I hope you're making better friends these days. Or at least better enemies…the quarian seems to be fond of you, at least. For what it's worth, it's nice to know someone's treating you well. I hope you're happier…I just…
The buzzer at the door startled her forward nearly sliding her off the chair. Thankfully, her balance held, and she gave a look to the doorway as the metal panel slid open, revealing a nervous looking asari.
"Can I help you?" she asked the newcomer, who seemed to grow more anxious, her eyes darting between her and Shepard. After a long pause, she continued, hoping to clarify. "Shepard's sleeping."
The asari slowly moved into the room, the door swiftly shutting behind her as she gave the sleeping woman a quizzical look. "Is it human custom to watch over others when they sleep?" the asari asked, clearly confused, babbling on before Heather could respond. "Asari children are often watched over by their parents, usually their mothers, for usually at least the first twenty years of their life, often sleeping in the same room…but Shepard has slept alone, I think, for the time I have known her, and now I'm wondering whether…"
"Easy, blue…" Heather said, interrupting the rambling cerulean woman. "I'm an old friend of hers. Just got a position on the ship about a week ago."
The asari's posture stiffened, as if hit by a sudden clarity. "So…close friends watch over each other." The asari said, an honest smile spreading across her face. The sheer idea of what the asari had said was ludicrous, and she couldn't help but laugh a bit at her expense.
"No, not really…well, not like this…at least not in most circumstances. I came to see how she was doing and…she was out cold. So I'm just sitting here, making sure she's alright, that she's resting." Heather elaborated, unable to smirk in amusement at the confused look the visitor gave her.
"I…can go get the blankets she gave me if she's cold." The asari blurted out quietly, her face twisting in frustration. "I made her promise me that she was not giving me comfort at the expense of her own sleep."
Heather shook her head in astonishment, never having known anyone so unfamiliar with even the most common human sayings. "No, no, I found her unconscious. I think she's doing better now, though. She's fine with the blankets she has. She's not the type to break promises."
"Oh…" the asari stated, her monosyllabic response barely audible. The visitor's face softened as her eyes drifted back to Shepard. Heather had seen a similar expression before, but couldn't put her finger on it. "I should let her rest then."
Heather watched the asari turn to leave and called out to her. "Wait, please." She asked, drawing the visitor's attention. It was clear that the asari was at least on good terms with Shepard, for her to visit. "Stay. Any friend of Shepard's is a friend of mine."
The asari quietly pulled up a chair beside her and nervously offered her hand, seeming uncertain about it as her hand jittered back and forth slightly. Heather took it and gave a light shake before letting go. "I am Liara T'Soni. May I ask your name?"
Heather smiled, finding the asari's easy politeness refreshing. "Heather Laurent. What brings you by here tonight?"
"I…was going to ask Shepard to help me find the source of an ailment." Liara stated softly, her hand gently resting on her own chest. "I have been experiencing strange sensations, and I do not wish to falter after she has done so much for me and my people."
Heather's mouth quirked to the side for a moment as she wondered about why anyone would go to Shepard for medical advice. "Well…if anything, she'd at least do her best to find someone who could have some answers. Though she's no medical professional."
Liara frowned slightly, turning her eyes to the sleeping woman. "I am aware that she is…not extensively educated. Still, I feel she would be able to help. I am not sure how to explain." The asari spoke, reaching down to pick up one of the many small acorns littered around the room.
"No need to explain. She's never been the most likely of problem solvers, but she always seems to come through when needed." Heather stated softly as she recalled watching the girl fight off armed guards in Faridah's home that one night. She'd never thought the girl capable of such violence. Shepard had always been full of surprises. "She's a lot nicer than people give her credit for. Always does her best to make sure everyone she's working with is doing well."
Liara nodded at that. "I noticed that earlier. She is always visiting the crew, but many of the human crew still seem uneasy around her, and on the Citadel…I learned that she has a poor reputation." The asari said, using her feet to gently tuck the sheets around Shepard's legs under the mattress. "I had planned to visit her every so often…it may sound foolish, but I do not want her feeling alone on this ship. Even though it's small, and she's becoming close to the crew, and she's always venturing out to visit others and…"
"You want her to know that someone's looking out for her. That she's worth visiting too." Heather noted, smiling at the asari's honesty. She couldn't help but wonder how close the two had gotten. One half of her wanted to threaten Liara preemptively, not wanting anyone to hurt Shepard. The other half of her wanted to hug the asari for doing what a lot of humans wouldn't. The woman always denied that her reputation affected her strongly, but over the years, it was easy to see the change.
"It is good, then, that she has you to visit her now." Liara stated, tearing her eyes off Shepard and making brief eye contact with Heather before returning her focus to the sleeping woman, still fitfully rolling around.
"The more the merrier, Liara. It will be easier with me here…she misses me and the others a hell of a lot, but I'm sure she'd love it if you visited. She can get a bit lonely, and..." Heather began, before noticing Liara bolt off her chair toward the nearby bed, a grunt sounding from Shepard's mouth as the woman convulsed.
Heather felt the blood leave her face and seemingly her body as a chill ran through her. She moved over to beside Liara and attempted to hold Shepard still, an increasingly hard endeavour made more difficult by her own internal grief over not calling for medical assistance earlier, just in case. Fuck, I should have had someone check her out, instead of just assuming…augh! I'm such an idiot and if…if she…
"I will get Doctor Chakwas!" Liara called out, darting for the door as Heather's panic increased tremendously, Shepard's body now thrashing against the mattress, foam bubbling at her mouth. Come on, come on, hang in there! Stay with me!
Heather straddled Shepard and held the woman down as well as she could manage, limbs flailing and smacking her arms as she kept pushing her friend down against the mattress. She felt the tears stream down her face, not wanting her friend to leave. Not like this…Faridah will kill both of us if you go now!
She wasn't sure how long she'd been left alone, but found a semblance of relief when she heard two sets of rushed footsteps move into the room. And older woman appeared at her side, a scanner active on her omni-tool and a needle readied in the other.
"Hold her still, please." The woman said with an odd calmness to her voice. Heather pushed her full weight onto Shepard's shoulders and head, giving the doctor room and time to inject some fluid into the commander's neck.
Heather wanted to ask how often this happened to her friend, but couldn't manage to get any words out of her mouth, too overwhelmed with worry.
"Will that help? Will she be alright?" Liara asked, pleading the doctor for an answer. Heather felt it was close enough to what she wanted to ask, and just decided to listen and keep her friend as still as possible, Liara pitching in to help hold her legs down.
"After Eden Prime, her brain activity was off the charts, so to speak. I gave her a sedative then…I'll know in a few seconds if it will work." The doctor said, staring intensely at her scanner, studying the shifting bars that appeared far too close to what she imagined was a maximum. Seconds passed as if they were minutes, each holding their breath, silently begging for a confirmation that Shepard would be fine.
"She's in shock…" the doctor started, her face tightening with concern. "Her brain activity is…it's so irregular, and those beta waves are even wilder than the last time…I…"
"Will Shepard be alright?" Liara asked, her voice cracking slightly, her eyes fixated on the woman beneath her.
"I am sorry Liara…the sedative isn't showing it's had any effect on her and…it is only a matter of time…" the woman's voice trailed off, her face a mask of helplessness and confusion.
Heather was desperate for her friend to survive whatever she was dealing with, her mind jumped from idea to idea, each useless or impossible. She just needs help…and I can't….and the doctor can't but…
She froze momentarily, a lone idea coming to mind, and spun to face the asari. "You need to help her!" she blurted out, half a sob, and half an order. Liara recoiled at the words and looked at her in disbelief.
"I would help if I could but…" Liara stated softly, shaking her head.
"Do that mind meld thing! I remember from my interspecies biology classes, asari…asari can go into people's heads and help calm them or something! Please!" she pleaded, her hope latching onto this one possibility, however dangerous it could be. Liara flinched and looked up at the ceiling, face twisting in worry.
"I…I promised her I would not meld with her. It could cause her pain, and... and…" Liara started, Heather unable to let any more time pass, knowing her friend was slipping away from her each second.
"She's dying." she breathed out, her voice seeming eerily calm even to her. Liara moved her gaze from Shepard to her and gave a slow nod. Heather saw the apprehension on the asari's face, the worry she felt. On any other day, any other moment, she would have thanked Liara for not wanting to hurt Shepard, but she was willing to try anything to see her friend in a better state. To keep her alive. She knew it was a hard burden for the asari to bear, but she'd thank her later if all worked out.
She watched as Liara placed a hand on Shepard's left foot and gripped it firmly, a light string of whispered words escaping her mouth, her eyes swirling into an unsettling darkness.
From here, I can only wait…may…may Athame guide you, Liara.
A searing pain tore through her mind as countless massacres reenacted themselves across her field of vision; streams of red death cutting through her senses like they cut through entire legions of protheans, fracturing her reality into shards to watch the destruction of the asari people through. She saw Armali's prized shores scorched in flames, bodies of friends and family littered across the blackened sands. She witnessed the destruction of the Tower of Hya'li, her favourite place to do her morning meditations while in Serrice. She saw her family home's gardens reduced to ash, Thessia made barren, its beauty extinguished forevermore. Each breath she took seemed only to breathe life into those visions, to spur them forward and tear her reality asunder.
Liara strained to close her eyes, shaking the vision away as explosions erupted around her, a terrible sound thundering all around her, as if to warn all of the galaxy that their end was all but certain, to herald forth an era of mass extinction. When she opened her eyes and looked up, she saw hundreds, thousands of strange looking dark ships blanketing the sky of a planet she was unfamiliar with, its architecture far from the sweeping elegant curves Thessia offered. It did not seem to matter, with the sky crashing down upon her, the buildings condemned and soon to cease their stubborn existence. She took in the air around her, dust and ash forcing a cough from her throat, raining debris forcing her to seek shelter.
She ignored the screams filling the world, wanting to grieve for such a colossal loss of life, wanting to pray to Athame for kindness and mercy, but wanting to survive more than that. Her legs carried her though the surrounding streets, around mounds of freshly scorched corpses and relics of lives lost to such terror. Each step she took found fear closer behind her, the stale stench of death wafting across her shoulders as she slid into a nearby window, tumbling down to the floor beneath, her head knocking hard against a nearby wooden crate.
For the first moment in what seemed like an eternity, there was calm. The glow of the sun was different; paler than she'd imagine, but it was a welcome reprieve, if confusing. She got to her feet slowly and noticed a pair of human children across the room, an array of mostly unlit candles surrounding them where they lay; a blanket covered a small child whose red hair fur splayed out across her pillow. The other knelt to the side; long, curly brown locks hiding her face as she clutched the other's hand tightly. Liara couldn't help but startle slightly at how emaciated the two were. Goddess…
She took small steps toward them, stopping at a respectful distance, although neither showed signs of having noticed her; both whispering softly to each other, offering the odd laugh or frown. Liara wondered how the two children had survived in such horrible times, how they were able to do anything but hide or cry in the wake of all she had witnessed. She knew she missed her mother terribly and her thoughts of her were only interrupted by an object the redhead raised toward the brunette, its familiarity tearing at Liara's mind. I have seen one of those before…
The kneeling girl raised the object into the air momentarily to get a better look at it, offering Liara a look at the telltale scar on the girl's face. Her eyes were duller, sunken and wet from crying; her face thinner from malnutrition, but it was enough of a reminder of where she was, and why she was there. Shepard…
Liara felt her cheeks blush in shame for intruding on such a personal memory as the girl's raw sadness washed through the room. She watched her kneel back to face the other girl, close the small brown nut around the laying girl's hand, and enclose it in her own tenderly. She watched the other girl's lips move slowly, each word a struggle, her eyes locked on the younger Shepard's face, whose body was shaking slightly, her head turning away to break the redhead's gaze. The blanketed girl continued, her body wheezing out strained words that only made Shepard's body shake more as she moved to lie beside the other girl, fallen teardrops echoing through the cavernous room.
Liara turned away, not knowing what else to do. She had an idea of what was occurring; an idea confirmed by anguished screams and wracking sobs that sounded behind her moments later. She wanted to turn her head, she wanted to rush over to the girl and hold her in an embrace, to tell her everything would be better soon, that her friend's love would always remain with her, but she knew that Shepard was reliving a memory by how vivid and precise everything was. She hadn't experienced the death of a loved one before, and didn't wish to pretend that any comfort she could offer would be lasting or meaningful. So she sat in her shame and guilt for what could have been minutes or hours, before the cries halted abruptly.
She turned her head, bringing young Shepard into her field of vision. The girl looked pale and scared, slowly moving backward; each step uncertain and unsteadily leading toward the wall behind her. As Liara spun to face the girl, she saw a small body rising from the makeshift bed the girl had died in, but this figure wasn't like the other. It was a sickly grayish blue, vibrant lines spreading across its body, and a deep blue glowing from its blank stare. The remnants of the red hair were scattered across the sheets, the same ones Shepard had taken to sleep in on the Normandy, she'd realized by their patterns.
Liara watched with morbid curiosity as the figure, covered in sores and lumps, rose to its feet and shambled slowly toward Shepard. The young commander stood frozen against the wall, her jaw trembling, her eyes pleading as the figure lunged forward and struck her fiercely across the face, drawing blood from her split lip. The grayish figure seemed to have a pale blue aura around it as it savagely lashed out against Shepard, who stumbled to the ground as a fist slammed against the side of her head.
"I'm sorry!" she heard the girl cry out in anguish as she tried to shield herself against the attacks, repeating the words frantically as the attacker relentlessly beat her into the paved floor. Liara felt compelled to help, but her legs remained agonizingly still, not certain what was real, and what was fantasy. She knew Shepard's mind was unstable from the visions, and she didn't want to disrupt anything and cause further damage. She also couldn't help but wonder whether the girl from before had turned into that, and whether all humans do so when they die. She hadn't come across it in her bits of research, but she knew the asari had their own secrets they didn't publish. She hoped against such a possibility.
From beneath the assault, she saw Shepard's tiny, lithe arms reach up and firmly grab her attacker's head while her legs swept the thing off its feet. In a swift motion she slipped onto its back and, with a choking sob, snapped the figure's neck, its head loosely hanging as it dropped to the ground. Shepard scooted away from it, her heaving sobs and babbled words returning. Liara willed herself to cross the room to the young girl and, cautiously, hugged the girl against her. The touch was immediately reciprocated, Shepard's arms wrapping around her waist and neck as she wept apologies into the crook of her neck. Liara did all she knew to do and simply held her and lightly caressed the girl's head, hands gently stroking through her hair. She felt it bittersweet that her second chance to run her hands through Shepard's hair was in a dream, though it still felt incredibly strange, if enjoyable. She hadn't had much opportunity to experiment in the med bay before Shepard's nightmare had startled her, and she only felt worse in wondering whether the woman was plagued with horrors every night. Perhaps that is why she has been avoiding sleep…
The once faded sounds of explosions and screams began sounding closer by the moment, the ground shaking more than before as she realized that specific dream was ending, and the visions were returning. Liara scooped the girl into her arms, a much easier feat than she'd imagined it would be, and carried her over to the window she'd entered through, easing the young girl through and quickly following. She winced at the sheer feeling of terror filling the streets, ushering the girl toward the wall as the building beside them was torn in half by a large red blast, shielding her from as much stray debris as she could. She sensed a small feeling of relief as the chaos lifted for a few moments, only to be replaced by more panic as one of the monstrous ships landed on the ground nearby, its appendages menacingly knocking buildings down in its wake as it traveled slowly toward them.
She felt the girl spin from her grasp and dart down the street, frightened by the screams and that tremendous horn roaring through the sky. Liara dashed after Shepard, surprised at her speed considering she looked like she was made of twigs, and thankfully caught up to her as she slowed to a halt in the middle of an intersection. Liara's gaze turned to look at what Shepard was staring at, and gasped. It was nearly too surreal to take in, a planet or moon rising over the horizon as night blanketed the planet's sky in glittering blackness, casting the ships into invisibility outside of their angry red eye-like cannons.
Liara could feel the tension, the terror emanating from the girl and knew that one person alone couldn't bear such horrors. She reached her hand out and took the young girl's, giving it a light squeeze, like she had before they had found their way to Tevos's home. She felt the intensity of the girl's fright rush through her and immediately focused like her mother had taught her, channeling warmth and comfort against the tide of Shepard's emotions. She pulled the girl into a hug and pushed the visions away, letting her care flow into Shepard like a river, drowning out their surroundings with its light, the terrified screams with the Armali meditation ritual her mother had spoken to her whenever she felt troubled.
After an untold time, Liara heard her words slur as exhaustion encroached on her. She held herself apart from Shepard, now fully grown, and gave the woman a smile. She still looked scared, but there was a determination alight in her eyes as she gave a sad smile and took Liara's hand. The dull ache in her chest blossomed into a steady warmth, as if blanketing her heart and calming it. It was a welcome sensation.
"This isn't your fight. You don't need to do this." Shepard said, her face revealing what went unspoken. This wasn't her home. These weren't her memories. This wasn't her mission, her responsibility. She shook her head kindly at all of the words and looked into the commander's serene, hazel eyes.
"I do, Shepard, and…I will. You are not alone." Liara stated, feeling the last remnants of her energy sifting away. "Now return to us."
She worked the last her focus into easing the closure of the meld, and applying one last breath of warmth into Shepard before she fully left, feeling unsteady even on her knees as she toppled off the bed and onto the floor, unable to keep her balance.
"Liara!" she heard nearby, but her eyelids could only lift a little, enough to see someone kneeling over her nearby. Arms brought her to a sitting position and hugged her tightly, allowing her to assume it was the other human woman, Heather. "I don't know what you did, but I can't thank you enough." She heard whispered to her before another set of hands pulled her from the woman's grasp and to her feet.
"I think Liara needs a bit of a rest." She heard Chakwas' distinct accent, bringing a smile to her face as the doctor walked her somewhere. I'd like a rest. That would be very nice…she thought, feeling dizzy, the dull ache in her chest having returned. "Miss Laurent, please stay with Shepard until I return."
It wasn't long before she was led to what she imagined was her bed, and tucked in comfortably under the plethora of soft sheets. She smiled and hummed in thanks as the lights dimmed and the door closed. Thinking can wait for later. Sleep…sleep is underrated…
Karin sat at the mess table toying with the handle of her tea cup, letting her bag of earl grey saturate the water in her cup, much like she was letting herself bathe in guilt. She hadn't had the time for it earlier when she was busy caring for Murakami, or when she was too busy being annoyed at how Shepard had reacted to her teasing, or when she was busy waiting for Shepard's levels to return to normal after her near-fatal episode. I should have been more tactful with my words…I was too caught up in the fantasy of an on-ship romance to even consider her mental state after all she went through on Feros, and with the visions likely clearer after whatever it is the asari in the cargo bay gave her…I should have known better. I caused trauma to two nice, young ladies…
Her attention turned to the quarian over at the food bar, who was still waffling on a decision after at least ten minutes of deliberation. Three, I suppose…
Heather had left Shepard's chambers nearly two hours prior, and Tali had arrived in the mess hall very soon afterward. Chakwas had stopped her from going in and seeing Shepard on the basis that the woman needed some uninterrupted rest, and that she had attached a small probe to the woman in order to keep an eye on her just in case. Of course, Tali had demanded access to the program on her own omni-tool, which she felt compelled to provide, if only to make matters easier. She'd told the quarian a number of times that she would alert her once Shepard had woken, but Tali had insisted to be there when she came out of her room, preferably with a meal to feed the woman. It was hard for her not to smile, thinking about how quickly Shepard and Tali had become close; Shepard constantly doted on the young quarian, and Tali always seemed affectionate with her. She had heard that quarians tended to be very expressive due to not being able to see each other's faces, but the engineer often seemed reserved when away from the commander. Chakwas liked the change of pace from the other Alliance ships she'd served on. A little informality doesn't hurt here and there… she mused, smiling as Tali seemed to settle on the box of lasagna, unpacking it and stuffing the contents in the ship's re-heater.
Two beeps sounded soon after, one signaling the food was properly warmed to edible levels, and the other a simple alert that the door to the commander's office was open. Tali became a black and purple blur, one moment in front of the re-heater grabbing the lasagna, and the next in front of Shepard, holding out the food as an offering.
"I…thought you'd be hungry." The quarian said, sounding slightly less nervous than Karin had imagined she would.
Shepard let out a light laugh and gave Tali an amused smile. "You know, coincidentally, I am in the mood for some lasagna, but it's an MRE. I should be eating paste."
Tali merely prodded Shepard with the hot container, and held it against Shepard's chest. "You're hungry…and I made it for you…" Tali said, her attempt in sounding stern woefully inadequate, drawing another airy laugh from the commander. The woman was looking much better than she had, the circles under her eyes not as dark, and colour had returned to her face.
"Really, Tali, I appreciate the thought a lot, I just…we're already probably going to be short on MREs this trip, and…" Shepard began, Chakwas cutting her off as a solution came to mind.
"Shepard, you need a decent meal in you. I'll have the tubes today to make up for it." She noted, drawing both Shepard and Tali's attention. "It's the least I can do after what I did, Commander."
Shepard stood there looking confused, eyes glued to her own. She gave a slow nod eventually, and took the meal from Tali in one hand, pulling the quarian into a hug with the other. "Thank you." She heard the woman speak softly, before making her way to a seat at the mess table. Tali followed suit, pulling some dextro tubes from one of her many pockets and sitting down beside the commander.
Silence hung over the trio as both younger women devoured their meals happily. Chakwas wanted to continue her apology, to let Shepard know that it was unprofessional, and that she would not let it happen again. I always have to remember that I am a medical professional first and foremost, a friend or acquaintance second. I can't believe…
"Karin, I'm sorry for blowing up on you earlier." She heard from across the table, stirring her from her own thoughts. She looked up at the woman and cocked a questioning eyebrow.
"It was a reasonable reaction considering your state of mind at the time. I should have considered that before I spoke." She responded, not comfortable letting the commander take the fault she'd spent hours mining into herself.
"No, I should have kept my emotions in check. You were just teasing me a little, and I was immature to do what I did. You don't deserve that. It won't happen again." Shepard added, raising a hand as Chakwas went to object further. "I'm serious. Please don't argue this with me, Chakwas. Let me have this, please."
Karin leant back in her chair and studied the commander's face, perturbed at the woman's insistence. "Only if you'll accept that I, in part, put your life at risk by my actions and inactions." She stated firmly, drawing a baffled look from the woman.
"Uh…what? Chakwas, don't be so dramatic." Shepard scoffed. Chakwas was unable to keep her jaw from dropping at the words, and Tali nearly fell out of her chair in shock.
"Shepard, you could have died!" the quarian spoke, her taloned hand gripping Shepard's forearm.
"I'm pretty sure me vomiting in my shower and passing out isn't exactly a fatal series of actions. No matter how cold the floor is in there." Shepard noted, a mix of confusion and unease flashing across her face. "Am I missing something here?"
Chakwas leaned back forward and tried to collect her thoughts, wondering what, if anything, Shepard could remember. "You went into shock a few hours ago. If not for Doctor T'Soni, you would have suffered severe brain damage. Most likely, you would have died." Chakwas explained slowly, letting her words sink in fully; Shepard's blank stare giving no reaction away. "You remember nothing?"
Shepard was silent for a number of agonizing moments before her mouth opened once more. "I remember passing out and then I woke up feeling pretty great. First night of decent sleep I've had since before Eden Prime. That's it." she mumbled, her eyes darting across the table in front of her aimlessly. "Liara…what did she do?" Shepard asked, her face wincing in expectation of the answer that was clearly obvious.
"She instigated a meld." Karin said, simply. "She was very reluctant, but your friend, Miss Laurent, convinced her."
Shepard's gaze tore away from the table and focused on her, the woman's confusion compounding. "Heather was there? What?" the woman asked, letting out a heavy sigh. "Christ, and it just gets worse…" she muttered, not quiet enough to escape either of the other two's ears.
The commander was quiet for a while, momentarily leaving the table to dispose of the empty lasagna packaging. As she sat down, she took hold of Tali's hand lightly and gave the both of them an apologetic look. "I'm sorry for worrying you all. It seems I have some thanks to hand out, too." She said softly. "Where's Liara now? Where's Heather?"
Chakwas looked over toward the med-bay. "Liara is resting, currently. The meld exhausted her. She will be asleep for some time. Heather as well, as I believe she's on her sleep cycle right now."
Shepard flicked on her omni-tool, scrolling through some menus before promptly shutting it down, letting out another sigh. "Well, I guess I'll have to catch up with them later. Anything else I missed out on? Anything else I should know?"
"I decrypted the data from Feros." Tali piped up, earning a quick smile from Shepard. "There is a lot to wade through, though. Not many things seemed important. There was one notice given to an employee, though…" Her voice trailed off as her off hand looked for the other to engage her nervous tic, its failure to execute distracting her away from the discussion at hand.
"What was it about?" Shepard asked kindly, giving Tali's hand a squeeze before letting go.
"There is some human biotic group trying to set up a new colony in…Hawking Eta? It might be nothing…just seemed interesting because I don't recall many humans being biotics, and they're talking about righting wrongs?" Tali explained, drawing a nod from the commander.
"I'll get a hold of Anderson, see if he's heard anything about it. You're right, there aren't many human biotics, and we're not exactly loved by humanity, so it could be nothing…or it could be something crazy like a new terrorist group." Shepard said, her head cocked to the side as she thought. "Thanks again, Tali."
The quarian wrung her hands nervously as she straightened her posture. "You're welcome Shepard, but…but I'm not just an engineer. I can help you on the ground too!" Tali blurted out. Karin couldn't help but smirk at the young girl's enthusiasm.
"I know Tali, you've proven yourself more than I could have ever hoped you would." Shepard agreed, her gaze shifting to Chakwas. "She's like a sponge, and in a year or two, you might have to watch out for her. Maybe some Spectre potential, here." She finished playfully, though seemingly not in jest, by the reassuring smile she gave the young engineer.
"Thank you, but…I just want to be included more." Tali explained.
Shepard shook her head and stifled a laugh. "Tali, I sent you back on Feros for your own good. I wan't going to risk the chance of you getting hit by acid and going into shock."
Tali's hands gripped the table, her fingers dancing some nervous pattern across them. "I know the risks, just like every soldier. You and the engineering team…you've let me feel at home here, and treat me like everyone else when it comes to that. I just want you to do the same for me when we're on a mission."
Chakwas had seen many soldiers speak similar words over the years. They wanted the responsibility, the glory, to be relied on. There was never an easy answer available. Shepard sat back in her chair and rested her knees against the lip of the table, deep in thought.
"Tali, you know the risks…you're so smart, but…there's a difference between knowing and accepting." Shepard stated slowly, her words carefully thought out. "You have family back on the flotilla, friends…you have a pilgrimage to finish and a people who need someone as brilliant as you to help them to a better future. You're so young, and you never give me the excuse to hold that against you because you're such a fast learner. I'd take you on every ground mission if I could, but I can't."
Tali's facemask turned away from the commander and to some unseen spot on the table. "Why not?" she asked, the two words holding more disappointment than Chakwas would have liked. She could imagine it sounded like empty praise, and recalled many times on her way through med school when she was given similar talks before older doctors kept her out of surgery.
"Because I have to know and accept the risks for everyone. You're part of my crew and…my crew is my family. As small as it is, it's all I really have in this galaxy…so I feel responsible for all of you. You make me aware of the risks involved, and sometimes I can't accept them. You're all much more than just soldiers to me, and... I won't lose any of you to a lack of precaution, or an unwillingness to weigh the odds and the risks against the possibility of success. It was too much of a risk to keep you around on Feros…you specialize in fighting synthetics, and you have a weak immune system that's kept in check by armor. I've seen on Edolus how badly things could go for you when acid is involved, and I can't let either of us go through that again." Shepard explained, pausing to take a deep breath. "I need you at your best, and we have a long way to go. We have a lot more geth to kill. We don't have a gift yet for your pilgrimage. I know it's hard to sit out…it's hard not having you on the field with me, helping out with Chiktikka, but you're too important to me to just…Christ I'm bad at this." She finished, shaking her head and lifting her gaze to the ceiling.
Chakwas couldn't help but feel it was an interesting choice of words, and certainly an unorthodox manner of running a crew, but ultimately she knew the commander was being honest. She didn't have a decade of leadership under her belt, and didn't have all the answers, or a canned speech like her old CO on the SSV Einstein used to spout off. Shepard was far from perfect, and certainly a bit unhinged, but she knew the woman was at least transparent and fairly predictable.
Shepard let out a frustrated sigh, prompting Tali to bring a hand to Shepard's shoulder and gently massage it, quickly exorcising the woman's tension.
"Too many times I've sent my entire crew into suicide missions, too many have died. It's not something I ever want to get used to. It's not something I can write off in terms of numbers…I remember voices, faces…I want desperately for you to live through this. I want to see you, talk to you in ten years' time instead of just having a memory. I'll do anything to keep all of you safe." Shepard spoke quietly, staring at the tops of her hands as they rested on the table. "You're more than soldiers to me. You have lives waiting for you after this. I'm just thankful that Murakami over there will be able to walk away eventually. I'm thankful Garrus is going to be alright, from what I can tell, since he wasn't in the med bay a while back."
"Garrus' arm suffered only moderate damage. It took two hours to heal enough to let him and his stubborn plates go." Chakwas added, drawing a slight nod from the commander. "Murakami will not be fit for duty…for at least two months. I have sent a recommendation to Arcturus that they arrange for a pick up. He has family on the station, and I know many of the doctors there. It would be much easier for him."
"I'll make sure it gets done. I'm sure he's been missing his family." Shepard noted, moving to her feet, Tali's hand slipped away. "I'll just go and take a walk if you don't mind. The report Kaidan compiled said Shiala was in the cargo bay?"
"Yes…she has been meditating since she woke." Tali said, standing from her chair. "I…should get back to work too. Adams is probably worried."
Chakwas watched the two stroll off toward the elevator and went back to fidgeting with her teacup, the drink now far too cold and saturated to drink. She stood from her chair, activated the program watching over Shepard's levels, and walked toward the med-bay. Karin, as well, knew that there was a long way to go until they caught Saren. She also knew that in a decade, she wanted to have a nice conversation with the commander over a bottle of Serrice Ice brandy. She wanted to see what kind of life the woman had waiting after the mission.
A/N: Welp, I managed to push this out. One more chapter until the action kicks in again, just need to set a few more things up. :) I HAD planned on putting the first section of this chapter at the end of chapter 20, but I felt it would have been a much crueler cliffhanger, and I didn't have the heart to do that to any of you. Hope you enjoyed this anyway :) Was interesting to put this all into words, especially Liara's section. I didn't have the heart to re-write the dialogue again from a certain chapter of Flotsam, and I didn't feel it would be altogether appropriate, considering it was from an outsider's perspective. If you want to know more context, CH11 of Flotsam's available.
Anywho, I sincerely thank all of you for such a magnificent year! If someone told me I'd write nearly 300,000 words, and 41 chapters in less than a year…I would have laughed. And laughed. And maybe fallen down some stairs in my clumsiness from laughing so much. So thank you all for taking the time out of your lives to read my silly stories. I hope 2013 delivers all you wish for. Have a happy new year, everyone :)
See you next year!