Chapter 17: Protect me you

Hartford Memorial 11am

The sun shown bright through the blinds as Rory opened her eyes, the instant everything came into focus she locked eyes with her mother's. Lorelai sat in a chair beside the bed, her head laying beside Rory's. She smiled at her daughter and slid her fingers along the profile of her face.

'Hey there kid.'

Rory gave her a weak smile but it quickly faded.

'I'm sorry I ruined your trip. Dad's probably'

'Hey, don't worry about your didn't ruin anything.'

They stared at each other for a minute then Rory smiled knowingly.

'He still went.'

'Ror..'

Lorelai trailed off not knowing how to possibly finish that sentance. There was no way to finish it.

'Yea he went. Not because he didn't want to see you though, it was us.'

''You guys got in another fight?'

Again she smoothed her hand over Rory's hair, still not used to the short locks.

'He wants to send me away.'
'Your not going anywhere you hear me?'

Rory closed her eyes and pursed her lips trying with all her strength to hold her tears back, but after the burning in her throat became to much her lips parted and she began to sob. Lorelai let out a cry as well before lying beside Rory and pulling her into her arms. She kissed the top of her daughters head as they both cried.

'Mom?'
'Hmm?'
'Do you think that - that Chirs is disappointed in me to?'
'Oh kiddo not a chance in hell.'

'Hey.'

Colin's eyes flew open when he felt someone kick his foot and he looked around the room in panic.

'What? What happened?'

A girlish laugh caused him to draw his eyebrows together in confusion. When he looked to his left he had to do a double take before groaning.

'Shit.'
'Good to see you to.'
'What are you doing here?'
'Tristan called.'

Rolling his eyes he sat back in his chair and leaned his head back against the wall.

'Right.'

'You don't believe me?'

'Not even he's that stupid.'

They stared at each other for a second then sighing Colin looked away from the red-headed girl beside him and up at the celing.

'How bad is it?'

Silently, Anna placed her elbow on the armrest and began chewing on her pinki nail. Colin closed his eyes and pulled his hands over his face and through his hair.

'Shit.'
'Summer called me. Apparently she was coming home from the thing at the country club and saw the ambulance. She says she talked to a fireman or paramedic or something, witch in Summer speak means she threw herself at him until he told her what she wanted to hear.'

Colin let out a small laugh before looking back at Anna who was still chewing on her nail, he pulled her hand out of her mouth and rose a questioning eyebrow. She gave a half smile and gestured around the room.

'Sorry, it's just this is the first time I've had to be back here since the accident.'

Colin gave an understanding nod and squeezed her hand before letting it go.

'So why'd she call you? I doubt it was out of care for Rory.'

'Hardly. Apparently she figured I hated Rory just as much as she does and thought I would want to be the first to know.'

His jaw tightened and his hands balled into fists.

'She's a bitch Colin. Don't even think about her. How's Rory?'

Trying to push his anger aside he shook his head and let out a long breath.

'Uh, I don't know - her vitals are all stable and she woke up around 3 this morning but she freaked out so the doctor gave her something called ativan to calm her down. Tristan talked to her for a little bit before she knocked out again. Her Mom is in there with her now, last I heard she hadn't woken up yet. Louise and Tristan went to get us some food and coffee because my aunt looks like shes going to faint any second now.'

Anna's body completely stiffened at the mention of Louise and she shifted in her seat as if she were trying to keep herself from up and running out of the hospital. While everyone else had tried to reason with Rory after the accident, Louise had stood by her side and Anna knew it was because she blamed her for Chris` death just as much as Rory did. Colin apparently took notice to the dramatic change in her posture because he tilted his head to the side and leaned in closer.

'Are you ok?'

'Yea.'

'You sure? You don't look like it.'
'Fine. So Lorelai's taking it pretty hard?'

He watched her for a second, then sat back.

'Yea. She's beating herself up pretty bad.'

'And Mr. Hayden?'

'Is probably in the air right now.'

'What?'

'They were on their way to Paris and had to turn the plane around.'
'He just left?'

'He was here for awhile, after she woke up Louise and I went with the Grandparent's to get something to eat and when we got back he was gone. The official story is that he went home to rest.'
'Oh my god. I can't believe it. No, what am I saying? I completely believe it.'

Anna rose to her feet, furious. Colin watched her pace back and forth mumbling things he couldn't understand.

'Lorelai must be a wreck right now!'
'Yea she is and you getting all pissed off isn't going to help. Calm down.'
'How are you not pissed?'
'I am. At him, at myself, at Rory. We're all upset Anna but right now isn't the time.'

She took a few calming breaths before sitting down again.

'I'm sorry. I just - I can't believe she's doing this again.'

Confused, Colin's eyebrows knitted together but before he could get a word in she rambled on with a glazed look in her eyes and a sad smile on her face.

"God I remember the day Chris told me, we had only been together like a month and he shows up outside my window in the middle of the night completely pissed off at her. He just went on and on for what I swear was hours, about how he couldn't believe how stupid she had been and how she's supposed to be the smart one and he was supposed to be the screw up.'

She laughed and continued on, never noticing the look on the face of the boy beside her.

'It made no sense what-so-ever at first. I mean yea I get that he'd be mad at her for doing drugs but I swear to god, it was like he was more angry with her for switching things up without telling him first - but in the end ... he was just really scared and didn't know how else to react. She told him it had only been a few time's but .. still, yah know?'

She sighed and then finally her gaze shifted back into focus and over to Colins confused face. Her own face quickly mimicked his.

'Why are you looking at me like ... oh god you didn't know.'

In a fit of anger Colin jumped to his feet knocking his chair off balance in the process. Anna jumps at the sudden movement and instantly her pinkie nail is back in her mouth and she's chewing at it nervously. Watching as he paces back and forth one hand in his pocket and the other in his hair she stumbles to her feet and reaches out nervously in an attempt to calm him.

'Colin I swear I thought you knew.'
'How could he of not - Damn it!'

Not knowing what else to do with all of the anger building up inside of him, he kicks the trash can across the room. Anna let's out a cry of panic just as Louise and Tristan turn into the room with wide eyes. Spotting Colin sitting in the corner with his head cradled in his arms, Louise glances quickly at the frightened redhead before putting the bags she was carrying down on the table by the door and moving to slouch down in front of Colin. Tristan is frozen in place, his mind having taken the leap to the worst imaginable reason for the situation. After a few seconds with nothing but a head shake from Colin, Louise rises and advances on Anna.

'What happened?'
'I didn't mean- I mean I thought he would have ..'
'What did you do?'
'Leave her. She didn't do anything. Everything's fine.'

They all look to Colin who is still sitting in the corner; he shakes his head while laughing spitefully. Tristan takes a few tentative steps in and almost drops the bag and sodas he's carrying.

'We were talking and I just lost my temper.'
'Which I'm sure was because of something she said or did.'

Once again accusing eye's are on Anna causing her to take an instinctive step back.

'What the hell are you even doing here?'
'I wanted to make sure Rory was ok.'
'Rory's none of your business. Our lives have nothing to do with you anymore.'
'Lousie stop. Anna don't pay attention to'

Anna cut's Tirstan off with a shake of her head as tears fill her eye's. Louise's angry demeanor falters slightly and she shifts her weight to her left foot and crosses her arms over her chest.

'You know Louise .. I knew, when I heard about what happened, that I shouldn't come .. and I had decided not to, then I realized that .. even though Rory may not want me in her life anymore or you or whoever ... that doesn't change the fact that I would drop anything in a second for anyone of you if you needed me. So go ahead and hate me all you want, but this right now isn't about you or me, it's about Rory. I understand that the second she see's me she'll tell me to go to hell and get out, but I'm not going anywhere until she does .. so your just going to have to deal with my being here for the time being.'

They were all quiet for awhile until Louise turned and sat cross-legged in the chair beside the table where she had put the food and began taking her food out. Tristan glanced at Anna who looked just as uncertain as he knew he did; then at Colin who still sat in the corner staring off into space. After setting everything down he takes a seat as well and mimics Louise's actions.

Figuring it was all safe enough for now, Anna moved to the other side of the waiting room and picked up the now broken trash can. With a small sigh she places it right side up with the hole facing the wall then walks over to Colin and lowers herself to his height. Her voice is soft and apologetic.

'I'm really sorry. I honestly didn't know.'
'I believe you; I'm not mad at you.'

His mood didn't change in the slightest so she moved from her spot in front of him to sit on the ground beside him and pulled her knees to her chest.

'Your mad at Chris?'
'Yes. Which is completely illogical I know, but I am. I'm pissed off and I want to ... punch him but he's not here and I don't know what the hell to do.'
'Colin you and I both know that Chris didn't always think everything through. He was more of the do now deal only when or if the need occurs kinda guy. He probably figured there was no reason to say anything.'

Hearing every word they were saying, Tristan put his turkey sandwich down.

'Ok, I was going to let it go because honestly I'm not sure how much more I can handle right now, but what the hell is going on?'

Laying her head on her knees, Anna looks at Tristan but says nothing, letting Colin take the lead. Laughing, he leans his head against the wall.

'Where do you want me to start? With Summer finding out about Rory and calling Anna because she's a vindictive little Bitch? Or with the fact that Rory's been using since sometime around the eighth grade and Chris knew about it, but didn't tell anybody?'
'What?'

Both Louise and Tristan had sat forward with furry in their eye's. Anna spoke slowly, uncertainty thick in her voice.

'Do you guy's remember that guy .. black hair - dark eye's ... had that whole Columbine thing going on?'
'Alexander Wyatt.'

All three teens gave Louise a questioning look and she shrugged.

'I'm good with names. Wait she was getting high with Alexander Wyatt? I thought Rory couldn't stand that guy - she said he scared the crap out of her.'
'I'm just telling what I know.'
'Whoa, that make's no sense!'
'And what about any of this does make sense Louise?'
'You know what Tristan I'm getting really sick of the attitude.'
'My attitude? Are you joking? Need I remind you of the little hissy fit you through earlier so you could stay? Just so you could prove something to Paris.'
'What the hell are you talking about?'
'Why do you have to treat every situation like it's a damn game? This is Rory's life not the latest gossip.'
'And you don't think I get that? Why, because I'm not playing the poor me role like you are? I'm just as scared for her as you are you ass.'
'You know what you guy's'

Colin spoke calmly catching everyone's attention.

'Maybe the two of you should go home for a little while. We've been cooped up here together all night and are all tired and saying things we don't mean.'

Tristan and Louise glanced at each other then back at Colin.

'I think we might just need a little bit of space.'
'I'm gonna go check on Rory and Lorelai.'
'Take her, her food man, I don't need her getting sick to.'
'Yea.'

As Tristan left the room, he and Louise shot glares at one another when they thought nobody could see. Once he was gone she turned back to Colin who was talking quietly with Anna. Irritation flared inside of her, getting up she held her hand out to Colin.

'Can I have the keys to your grandparent's car? I can lay down in there for a little bit. Get out of your way.'

He looked up at her and sighed at the evident hurt in her eye's and voice. Anna feeling as if she were invading on a private moment rose to her feet and gestured awkwardly to the hall while pulling out her cell.

'I'm just gonna.'

Colin reached for Louises hand in an attempt to pull her down to the ground beside him, but she jerked out of his reach.

'Lou.'
'Just give me the key's Colin.'
'Come on, I didn't mean that you were in my way. You guy's were just getting out of hand.'
'You guy's? He started that! All I did was defend myself.'
'I know but'
'No there is no but. He tells me that I don't care about Rory and that he apparently see's me as the same brainless brat that my mother does, and I'm supposed to what? Understand? Because Rory didn't trust him? New's flash she lied to all of us.'

Colin stayed quiet as a tear fell down her cheek. She inhaled a long breath and looked away for a few seconds then put her hand out again.

'Can I please have the key's? As soon as I'm out of here you can talk to Anna or Paris or whoever the hell you want about everything going on.'

She watched him for a second as sympathy turned into confusion then turned to leave.

'Forget it.'
'Hey wait a minute.'

He jumps to his feet and is within a foot of her in an instant blocking her from the exit.

'What the hell was that?'
'Move.'

'No explain, one second your pissed at Tristan and the next your throwing blows at me.'
'Just - forget it.'
'Louise talk to me.'

Fire flared in her eye's.

'Talk to you? Now you wanna talk?
'What?'
'I've told you everything Colin, about my Dad's affair ... about the divorce. Now all of this stuff with Rory ... and I just can't understand why you didn't come to me.'
'I told you, she didn't want'
'OK fine, but how about now? Why are you talking to anyone but me?'
'I am talking to you.'
'About me, it's always about what's going on in my life and I appreciate that your there I really do but why don't you trust me?'
'That's not
'Anna who isn't even apart of our lives anymore, you can sit and talk to about everything. Why not me Colin?'

She hadn't raised her voice once, there was only hurt in her voice and he didn't know how to respond. In truth she was right, he had been avoiding talking with her about anything regarding Rory since the grandparent's left. He wasn't entierly sure why though, just chalked it up to not wanting to really deal with anything that was happening.
He took another step toward her and cupped her face in his hands getting a small sigh in response. Taking that as a good sign he took another step, she shook her head then stepped back.

'Stop.'

'What?'
'Your trying to confuse me. I just really can't do this - us or whatever we are or aren't, I can't do it anymore.'
'Whoa wait a minute where is this coming from?'

She was crying all of a sudden and Colin didn't know what was happening. He had never made a girl cry before, aside from Rory but they were small and it usually involved a headless barbie or a no girls aloud club sign. With those things he knew how to fix the problem an apology or coffee usually did the trick but this was Louise, his best friend and he had no idea how to fix what was happening.

She shook her head and whipped her eyes, angry at herself for letting him see her cry. It wasn't the first time of course but it was the first time he had seen her cry over him.

'Damn it!'
'Louise look at me.'

'No.'
'Why?'

She turned her head away from him then back and stared down at her shoes while tears continued to fall from her eyes.

'Please.'

He tried to bring her eyes back to him but she shook her head again.

'No, If I do your just going to do something to make me forget and I don't want to. I'm tired of forgetting.'
'Your talking about what happened the other night?'
'Yea Colin and every time before that. This whole being here for one another thing ... we've taken it to far. Or I have at least.'
'I honestly don't know where this is coming from, I thought everything was good.'
'Of course you did, why wouldn't you? You have been kind of distracted lately.'

Her words were biting and there meaning was more then clear. Colin's head jerked back in surprise, before his words could make it passed his lip's she was talking again.

'I saw the way you looked at Paris last night.'

Still stumbling for the right words to say, he stared at her wide eyed and mouth agape.

'I saw her reach for your hand like it was the most natural thing in the world and when you took it ... it was like ... I've can't even describe it. All I know is that, no matter how hard I try I can never make you look like that. I love you Colin, as a friend, as .... whatever - and I admit that I wish you could feel something even remotely close to what I'm feeling but I know it's not going to happen.'

Again she cut him off before he could protest.

'I'm OK with that though - really I am. I just can't keep doing this weird friends with benefits thing that we've got going. Not if I want to be able to still have the friends part.'

In a blink she was gone and Colin stood alone and speechless.

Still angry, Tristan turns the corner and hears a laugh reverberate down the hallway, his smile comes naturally and he walks faster to the last room on the right. As he turns into the room, the first thing he is met with is a smiling Rory. Lorelai sees the food in his hands and jumps up.

'Oh good I'm starving.'
'Pastrami and an order of fries.'
'Yum.'

She grabbed the bag from him and sat back down beside Rory where she then pulled the hospital bed table in front of them and began taking her food out.
Tristan remained in the doorway until Rory looked over and stuffed a french fry in her mouth.

'Why are you just standing there?'

He found himself unable to answer her, distracted by how unfamiliar she looked to him. She sat there in the over-sized bed, sans make-up dressed in a hospital gown and an IV drip attached to her hand, her short red curls only intensified the feeling. She said something and his brain shifted back into focus just as she looked down at her lap with a sad look on her face. Lorelai looked uncomfortably from her food to him and nodded as he tilted his head apologetically. She packed up her sandwich and got to her feet.

'I'm gonna go out into the waiting room and check up on Colin.'
'Yea that's probably a good idea.'

His tone was telling and Lorelai nodded as she made her way past him. They were both quiet for awhile until Rory picked up another french fry and bit into it. Seeming to be broken out of some sort of trans Tristan moved into the room.

'Your looking at me like you don't know me.'

He paused a second then sat down at the foot of her bed.

'I guess - I guess I kinda felt like I didn't for a minute.'

She inhaled a trembling breath and nodded.

'What's wrong with Colin?'
'Louise and I got into a little argument and I think it really upset him.'

He laughed as her eyebrow raised in question.

'Ok it was a pretty bad argument.'

'Why?'
'Not a big deal.'
'Right. So it was about me.'

She shifted uncomfortably and sighed.

'What was it?'
'I don't think now's'

'Tristan.'
'Ok. Anna's here.'

He was surprised by the lack of response so when he continued he's voice was uneasy.

'She was telling us some stuff and I guess I kind of bit Louise's head off.'

'What was she telling you?'

Her voice was distant and he had the feeling that she already knew.

'That this whole thing started awhile before you led everyone to believe...and that Chris knew.'

She was quiet again.

'Ror?'

'I don't know what to tell you.'
'So she's right?'

Rory pushed the table aside roughly and sat up straight. Tristan watched her shaken by the burst of aggression. She smiled mockingly.

'Surprise! Lorelai perfect fucking Hayden is not only human but an addict to boot. Happy now?'
'Rory'
'Rory Rory Rory I'm so sick of everyone saying my name like their talking to a damn mental patient. Do you have any idea how many times I've had to listen to that in the past three years? Now from you to?'
'All I said was Rory. Maybe if you weren't acting like you needed to be in a straight jacket people wouldn't be treating you that way.'
'So it's my fault?'
'Of course it's your fault! Who the hell else` could it be?'

She paused and watched as his chest rose and fell, his anger evident. They were both silent for a long while, both trying to let their anger dissipate. Suddenly he scooted forward, when he spoke his voice held no sympathy in it, but he was calmer.

'I'm not going to let you push me away Rory. I keep hearing that you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to look at you differently but let's be honest ... you didn't say anything because you were scared.'
'What the hell are you talking about?'
'Well that's what you do isn't it? You run and hide when things get tough, you push people away. You knew I wouldn't let you though and that's why you didn't want me to know,'
'You still think you know me?'
'Yes! There's absolutely nobody in this world who knows you the way I do.'

The conviction in his voice finally shook her and she laughed bitterly then looked away trying to push back the tears that threatened to fall. Unable to stop them she shook her head then looked back at him, her voice came out weak and broken.

'No you don't. Look at me Tris, do I look like the version of me you have in your head?'

Not waiting for him to respond she looked away again.

'I can do great in school, smile on cue, l-laugh and joke and pretend like everything is perfect ... but I'm so sick of pretending. I'm tired of being alone and don't tell me I'm not because you have no clue. I love you Tris, I wouldn't have made it this long without you but there is not one day that I am not completely and utterly alone. I can't explain it I just ... we could be anywhere doing anything and the entire time I'm telling myself ... he's with somebody that's not real. He doesn't know me, if he did ... if any of them did, this wouldn't be happening.'

He was quiet, looking for the right thing to say. His eye's roamed over her face and he wondered for an instant if she was right. Did he know her? That thought was gone just as quickly as it had come, of course he knew her there wasn't a doubt in his mind. Thoughtfully he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear then smiled.

'I love you.'

She laughed tearfully.

'I know, that's not'
'No..I love you.'

She was silent for along time, the way he emphasized each word made his meaning clear. When her brain caught up to the rapid pounding of her heart, her first thought was to punch him. How dare he say something like that when she was falling apart. Could he not see that the last thing she needed right now was for him to take their friendship, the last thread securing her to her sanity, and snap it in half? Her second thought was that he was making a joke. A very mean, life changing, unfunny joke. But she watched him, and his face showed no sign that he was joking, actually the longer she didn't respond the more panicked he was looking. Her mouth opened out of need to calm him, but nothing came out and quickly she shut it again.

'Your freaking out.'

Again her mouth opened and closed, her eye's wide. His brain is screaming at him, her reaction making him rethink why he had decided to reveal this monumental piece of information. He grabbed her hand and decided there was no going back now.

'None of it matters. I love you, not because your book smart, but because you could recite the lyrics to every Sonic Youth song ever made. I couldn't care less if you could smile on cue because there is nothing more beautiful in this world then your smile when your reading a book or listening to some love song that you would never in a million years admit to having on your ipod. You may not think I don't know when your faking a laugh, but I do because the two are nothing alike. One is entirely pure and the other .. well the other reminds me a little bit of your Great Grandma Lorelai and it creeps the hell out of me. If you don't wanna joke then don't, honestly Mare your not all that funny anyway. I love you because you have the biggest, purest heart I've ever seen ... and all of this, the pills and the other drugs, they matter I won't lie. They scare the shit out of me Rory, but nothing could ever change the way I look at you because even though I see the mask and the different hair, I know the girl behind it and I love every single one of her flaws.'

She was silent for a long time, just staring at the boy in front of her. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there but slowly Tristan nodded and started to get up. The next few moments her mind was completely blank and her body moved on it's own accord. She reached for his hand to stop him and the next thing she knew she was pulling him toward her. Before either of them could think about what was happening, their lips touched and everything else faded away.

A/N: Hey I know this has taken forever and I honestly apologize from the bottom of my heart ... I know it's not as long as it could be and you can throw tomatoes at me in your head if you'd like, I deserve it :)

Well I hope that despite it's length you still like it ... and if not well ... idk throw two tomatoes? haha enjoy let me know what you think,