It had been too long since Shiala had been truly alone. As she sat against the cold, angular metal walls of the cargo bay, she allowed herself a brief, contented smile as she entered her eighth hour of meditation. She felt as new and fresh as a child, scouring her own memories and finding untainted clarity. Shiala still wasn't certain at all about how the thorian had managed to strip her of her indoctrination; the lightly throbbing headache she'd had throughout her consciousness led her to the idea that her body was still coming to grips with the process. In truth, she wasn't entirely certain she wasn't still indoctrinated to some degree, and couldn't blame the human and turian across the cavernous room for gossiping about her and shooting her glares. She would be suspicious as well had she been in their position.
It was why she was meditating in the depths of the ship instead of by the young maiden's side; she couldn't trust herself enough just yet, and wanted some more time by herself before she decided on what to do beyond pledging herself to Liara. I am too much of a danger to her? What am I to do with what I know? I…no, I cannot report this to the other elders. Were this a standard matriarch of a house with low or moderate political standing such as my mother, this would not be so dangerous, but if Thessia were to learn that Benezia has fallen, it could destroy the house…it could destroy Liara! No, I must protect her as long as I draw breath. But…how?
Shiala halted her meditation, hearing an odd sound coming from the elevator. She quickly returned to her thoughts, slumping fully against the wall. I cannot combat indoctrination…I cannot heal Lady Benezia of the taint…I cannot ask these people to trust me, nor can I ask it of Liara…she mused sadly; the thought of having nowhere to turn, no role in the family she'd served through her entire life, was overwhelmingly distressing. There didn't seem to be much point of having a clear mind if she couldn't do what she loved anymore.
The elevator door slid open slowly, Shiala's eyes turning toward the device and the commander exiting it, on a direct path to her. She got to her feet just as the woman halted in front of her and gave a cursory glance toward the large vehicle a few metres away where the turian and the other human were conversing.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." The dark-haired woman said, her voice hard enough to know that she likely didn't care whether she was or not.
"Not at all. I have just finished my meditations for the day." Shiala answered, matching the shorter woman's stern gaze. She wasn't quite sure what the woman was angry about, but she had an idea that she would soon find out.
"Take a walk with me." The commander stated, turning and walking back toward the elevator. Shiala fell into step with the human, who remained silent until the doors of the elevator shut. She watched Shepard engage the lock on the small cubicle's doors and set it to ascend to the next floor. Shiala wasn't sure how many floors the ship held, as she had regained consciousness when she'd reached the ship, where one of the human males had made the decision for her to recover across the room from a permanently disgruntled krogan. It wasn't a decision that had pleased her, but one that she could respect, to some degree.
"Be thankful that my executive officer decided to bring you on board while I was unconscious." Shepard said, curiously facing the elevator's control panel. "In hindsight, I'm not sure I'd have made the same decision. Your full name, please."
"Shiala T'Rohna, if it makes any difference. Although since I was first sworn to serve the T'Soni household, I have only been known as Shiala." She responded, expecting the commander to exchange her own name in a greeting, but she was only met with silence for a time.
"I am aware that I have you to thank for rescuing Liara on Therum. Saren was…not pleased with that result." Shiala continued, not entirely sure why the human had brought her there.
"You can save your thanks. She's evened the tally with me today after that cipher shit you gave me." Shepard said, her voice low, as if it were a warning. Of what, Shiala wasn't sure. "As for Saren…I'm not pleased with what he's been doing, and I need you to tell me what the hell he's up to. That is, assuming you're not entirely indoctrinated still."
Shiala gave a short sigh, knowing what she would say wouldn't please the human. "After the failure on Eden Prime, Saren split many of Benezia's guard from her, assigning us to a number of smaller tasks throughout the galaxy. I was sent to negotiate with a number of small businesses, mercenary groups…at that point I was more loyal to him than the Matriarch…at her own urging."
Shepard finally turned to face her, wearing a restrained scowl that seemed far too intimidating for someone of her stature. "I'm going to need names. As many names as you can remember. Logos, if they have them. Planets, systems, ships where you met them." Shepard stated firmly. "And the next time this ship stops by the Citadel…sooner if you don't cooperate…I'm handing you off to Councilor Tevos to do whatever is necessary."
Shiala stiffened at the words, her eyes narrowing on the commander. She knew what would be done to her in Thessia, and wasn't confident that the councilor would have mercy on her. "I am sworn to Liara's service, the rightful head of the household. I bear no loyalty to the councilor's house. Unless I am charged with a crime…" she started, the human's hands lashing out quicker than she could react to, the force pushing her against the wall of the elevator.
"How about almost killing a Spectre?" the woman seethed as Shiala pushed herself off the wall, striding within mere inches of the woman, both coiled and ready to strike. She was certain the human would find it disappointing that the Thorian was terribly inept at managing her training and abilities through the clones.
"I almost killed Saren, if it makes you feel any better." Shiala growled, earning a hard laugh from the woman.
"So that's twice you've failed in your duty." Shepard noted with a grin. Shiala felt her hand strike out in fury and shame, impacting against the woman's quickly raised forearm with a loud thud. "What, are you going to finish me off? Is this Saren's master plan?" the human added, feinting with a leg kick before Shiala felt a foot trip her just as she was shifting her weight. She stumbled slightly, giving the commander room to recover. If I were focused…I certainly would not have fallen for that!
"You're in no condition to fight." Shiala said as her nerves began to calm, noticing how tired the human looked.
Shepard gave an amused chuckle, deciding to lower her hands and lean against the opposing wall. "Had a decent sleep for the first time in a month last night. I'm feeling better than I did against the thorian…but you're right. I'm not in peak shape." The woman stated calmly. "And neither are you. Or Liara, for that matter."
Shiala's eyes widened at the statement, her memory going back to before the knowledge meld with Shepard. She hadn't seen any signs that Liara had been wounded. To have missed such details was distressing, and she felt herself panic slightly.
"Easy, she's resting. And, for the time being, until I'm confident that you're not indoctrinated, your access to her will be restricted." Shepard noted casually, likely having sensed her anxiety. Shiala felt a spark of rage within hersef at the woman's remarks, but doused it. There is no need for conflict now…
"You will cut me off from all I have left in this life?" she asked. Shiala wished she hadn't sounded as if she were pleading, but the thought of such isolation was heartbreaking.
"Liara?" Shepard asked, clearly taken aback.
Shiala shook her head and let the word fall from her tongue. "Duty." She knew it was all that was left in her life. The Matriarch had loved her, had trained her to be her first line of defense, the guardian of her only child. Now Benezia was lost, and she was certain Liara would be cold to her after all she'd done. After all of her responsibilities that she'd failed upholding. All that was left was duty, and it remained an empty word she was desperate to make meaningful again.
Shepard stood still, her face twisting slightly as if she were concentrating on something. "You and I hold similar jobs. Until I'm sure that you're clear...you're not to meld with Liara. You're not to be alone with Liara unless given my permission."
Shiala listened carefully to the woman's words, the ultimatum given to her. "And if I break these rules?"
"Then I have a nice airlock to introduce you to. I protect my crew, Shiala. And I know you won't go against those two, simple rules." Shepard stated, turning her focus to the newly green-lit control panel, signaling that the elevator had reached its destination. "You won't, because if you do what I ask, then you'll be free to guard Liara as you normally would, and if you're extra good, maybe I won't send you away to Tevos."
The thought was enticing. Humans had short life spans. It was unlikely she would have to wait more than a year or two to be fully reacquainted with Liara, and such a period of time was so inconsequential that it almost made her laugh. Almost. "How, exactly, will you determine I am not indoctrinated?"
Shepard kept her gaze on the panel, though her lips curled upward into a smile. "Because you're not entirely indoctrinated, if you are at all, which means you likely have free will. And you're smart enough, so I'm sure you can tell what thoughts might be good, and which might not be. I have a comms officer watching feeds of you, and listening to you, on a daily basis from now on. I will sit you down and talk with you occasionally. I will ask Liara if there's anything strange about how you're acting." The woman answered calmly. "I'm going to keep milling away at Saren, and I'm sure there will be times I, as well as the rest of the crew, will be injured. If you're indoctrinated, you'll try to do what Saren would want, and I'll have safeguards in place. You already failed to kill me at my weakest… you were acting on your emotions and trying to hurt me, not some steely determination to end my life. I'm hoping more than you'd probably believe that you're cleared sooner than later. I only ever ask one thing from people who serve with me, Shiala…honesty. That's your temporary duty."
Shiala nodded in understanding, though a question still lingered in her thoughts. "Why exactly are you giving me this opportunity? Why not avoid the risk and send me to the airlock?"
"Because you're important to Liara. Because you're the first person we've come across that's been indoctrinated, and who might have been cured of it. Because you at least know what indoctrination feels like. If I can give Liara an old friend back… and if I can maybe, with your help, figure out how to counter indoctrination …I'd be pretty damn happy." The human noted, finally opening the elevator doors and walking out. "And that just because we fail, doesn't mean we can't learn from it."
Shiala followed Shepard through the ship into a long room filled with beds, only one occupied by another human. "And what lesson would that be?"
The woman sat atop a nearby desk and gave her a sad smile. "You can't just set the galaxy at someone else's feet and not get trampled underneath."
She couldn't help but think back to all the decisions that had led to Saren's power grab. So many were small, avoidable; she knew that while it was rude to question Benezia's judgment, that the matriarch had once trusted her in anything regarding her own protection. She'd had hundreds of chances to deter Benezia from the path she took, to delay her, to have avoided that horrible ship of his. Shiala couldn't help but frown at the series of failures, but took heart in that she had another chance. One that Saren would never have allowed, nor Benezia in the state she was in. She could only hope that Liara would accept her again. She would do whatever was necessary to right all the wrongs she had contributed to.
"If you need to sleep, you can bunk in here whenever there's a free bed. You look kind of tired." Shepard added, and she couldn't help but agree. She'd been exhausted since she woke, and her meditations had only brought her limited focus and energy. A good sleep in a bed seemed like a nice reprieve from the cold, hard surface of the cargo bay.
Shiala nodded and slipped into one of the nearby beds, watching the commander work at a terminal until her eyes decided they were ready to rest.
Shepard returned to the med bay for the third time within the hour. She first left to have a shower; she'd smelled herself shortly after Shiala had fallen asleep and had noticed she did not smell the freshest. Then she left for the second time because she felt tired and wanted to brush her teeth before bed, not wanting to have arguably the most pungently disgusting morning breath in existence when she woke. However, a stray thought had brought her back to the med bay, at the doors to the lab, where she once again nervously attempted to will herself to enter.
"What the Christ can I even say to her?" she whispered to herself, her forehead resting on the doorframe. It all seemed like a complete waste of time and effort, yet she remained. "What did she see?"
That was the question she needed an answer to, more than any other, and it shamed her. "Not 'what can I do to repay you?' Not 'Are you feeling alright, do you need anything?'…here I am worried she saw something I don't want her to see. Worried…worried she saw Torfan… or THAT." She muttered quietly, feeling herself blush at the mere thought of that dream. She'd recalled what the consort had discussed with her and had realized that her initial reaction to it wasn't healthy, it wasn't helping anyone. I can like the idea of what the dream was doing to me… how it made me feel. And getting stressed out over it all and taking it out on others isn't helping at all. I can accept it and still feel bad that I was dreaming about Liara. Sha'ira…she said I should be open to affection and communication from other people, but Liara hasn't shown that to me…not like that, at least. Shepard mused, letting out a sigh. "And I doubt she ever would." She whispered to herself, wanting to cement the notion in reality to curb any wayward thoughts she might have roiling under the surface.
She knew they had come a long way in a short period of time, but there was a great distance between them. At least, she felt there was. In the end, I'm just a simple human soldier with no education or traditional family, and I could at best open a bakery if I retired. Maybe. Chances are I wouldn't live long enough to see that day…and if I did I doubt I'd be in decent shape. And there are a lot of undamaged people who aren't covered in scars, and who have better bodies, sharper minds, who are more interesting in general. Meanwhile, she's a rich asari archaeologist from an influential family, she's absurdly beautiful, and she's a lot kinder than I am. She's going to live for a thousand years, and I'd be gone in a blink of an eye. Better to look for someone who understands time like I do…humans, quarians…turians are usually too spiky for my tastes. And even then I'd have to find someone who'd be interested in other women, and that's rare… Asari…Christ, why does the most physically attractive species have to live for so long? No point pining over someone like her, not that I am or anything. If I was, I'd be heartbroken right now and a weeping mess for having to face that reality again. Hell, no point in pining over anyone. Just too…too risky.
Her hand moved to the control panel, sliding the door to the lab open, allowing her to step into the pitch black room. She stood at the doorway for a few moments after the door closed, letting her eyes adjust, before she made her way to a nearby chair and sat down by the doctor's cot. She couldn't make out much detail with the lights at their dimmest setting, but she couldn't help but smile at what she saw. Liara was sleeping with her head facing Shepard's direction, allowing her a good look at the asari's serene state.
Her eyes trailed up the asari's head, gravitating to the white ring of freckles on her scalp, at the start of her crests. She couldn't help but admire how they seemed to glow in the darkness. Shepard had wished that Liara would have been awake upon her arrival, so she could get the ordeal over with, but she was enjoying seeing the asari at peace. It was comforting to know that the doctor hadn't obtained the nightmare fuel that had forced her to put off sleep until absolutely necessary, often in hopes that her exhaustion would allow her a deep sleep, that her mind wouldn't have the energy to produce such visions or disturbing dreams. It never really turned out that way. At least she's alright…and I guess I'd much rather she see something embarrassing and hate me for it than see something terrible. I just hope she didn't see anything too…scarring. She can't have experienced a whole lot of disturbing things in her life, and if she saw the visions…Torfan…Elysium…Eden Prime, even…I wouldn't want that for her. She…should she even be on this mission with me? Am I sacrificing her innocence in keeping her here? Christ…
The sound of Liara murmuring something in her sleep brought Shepard back to reality for a moment, her chest feeling tight as a familiar sensation fell through her; like springtime dripping its warmth gently into the throes of winter, when the air was warm enough for her to believe it was the first breath the planet took that year. She knew it wasn't wrong to feel it, but it wasn't welcome.
Shepard brought her own hand to her chest and kept it there until the feeling passed, which took longer than she was comfortable with. "Hell…I feel you in my heart, and I don't even know you." She whispered into the room, wishing she hadn't as soon as the words spilled from her lips. God, I'm tired. Why am I still here?
She slumped down in her chair, legs sliding out to rest on a nearby crate. Why can't I just remember? Everything would be better if I could remember what happened…I just… her thoughts trailed as Liara turned in her sleep, tugging her layers of blankets tightly against herself. Shepard smiled and closed her eyes, exhaling a tired sigh. Well…I can get answers later…and maybe I'll remember it in time…no point worrying right now. She thought, yawning. Christ, I hope I don't dream…I just want a nice peaceful nap.
A flicker of a thought slipped through her mind as she started to fade. Should I fall asleep here? No, I probably shouldn't… she wondered, but her effort to get up out of the chair was thwarted by how suddenly comfortable she felt. Nope. Too comfy right now. I'll apologize to her later…
Liara woke to a strangely sweet, familiar scent. It brought an easy smile to her face as she nuzzled further into the sheets and pillow she was resting on, wanting to take in the enjoyable aroma. It was only when she inhaled that she realized it wasn't coming from her bedding. Eyes still closed, too warm and comfortable to investigate at the moment, she rolled over and took in the scent that wafted through the room. It was a nice accent to compliment the end of a very wonderful restful sleep.
Her eyes slowly eased their way open, soon fixating on an odd shape of something near her bed. As she grew accustomed to the dim conditions, her eyes widened, finding Shepard sleeping curled up in a nearby chair. And appearing…still…and calm…and her hair fur is not tied onto the top of her head. Liara mused, about to wonder why the woman was in her room when a stroke of logic hit her. She's just making sure I'm alright, certainly. I am sure Chakwas told her that I was tired after the meld.
The meld. Despite the positive result sleeping in the chair beside her cot, she couldn't help but feel troubled by her actions. She knew she'd made the right decision, but doing so had gone against the very principles that she was taught. Melding with someone without their express permission was incredibly taboo, and for good reason; the mind was a precious thing that contained all of who one was, their memories, their secrets. To invade it without permission was the greatest disrespect, an attack on a person in the purest sense. She knew she wasn't entirely reprehensible in her actions; some asari had used their melding abilities in the past to infiltrate and influence other's minds when they were incapacitated. Benezia had made her train with Nesiiri, to learn how to construct a mental defense against such attacks. The training hadn't been pleasant in the least, although Nesiiri had been kind to her and often treated her to juice and sweets afterward. She knew humans offered little resistance in that regard, and instead simply reacted to melds with discomfort or pain. Perhaps I should give her something in apology? Liara knew Shepard likely wouldn't understand the significance of it all, but it didn't change the growing ache in her chest over what she'd done.
It only worsened thinking about what she'd experienced in the meld. The vision was worse than she had ever imagined, and she couldn't quite tell where they ended and Shepard's own experiences began. Liara had done some research into the woman's military history, finding editorials and articles on Torfan, on Elysium, and a few others that were reported by an extranet site dedicated to tracking her whereabouts. It had been a rather baffling round of research that hadn't painted a pleasant picture of the commander, but it didn't seem entirely accurate. There were so many details missing, and only testimonies from two survivors were used to form the attempts at journalism. Shepard had always seemed, to her at least, to be someone more than willing to speak her mind, yet she hadn't publically made mention of the event. It makes little sense…silence would only give strength to the other views, seeing as she wasn't a highly regarded individual beforehand. Why would she not give her own report of the event?
Liara's mind had boggled at the notion that humans distrusted biotics immensely. She'd spent a full night reading comments from colonists, supposed Alliance soldiers, and those from Earth, all painting Shepard as a murderous psychopath, often blaming her biotics for such traits. Coming from a culture where virtually everyone had biotic ability, where it was just as natural as breathing, it seemed too bizarre to be real. There is still very little that makes sense to me about Shepard's past… she mused, deciding finally to leave the warm confines of her bed.
"Lights." She spoke as she stood, the room returning to its somewhat lit state. She would have to ask Shepard if all human structures had such poor lighting. At least it will not be so bright as to wake her… she mused, her thought process halting momentarily as she noticed the woman shaking slightly. She took the topmost blanket off her bed and gently covered the sleeping woman with it as best she could, pausing as she noticed the sweet smell from before was a little more potent. Liara dared herself to lean forward, finding an exposed stretch of skin on the woman's neck and taking in the scent. Goddess… she thought, recoiling slightly. I do not understand…she…I haven't noticed her smelling this way. At least, I don't think I have…no, Liara, don't be silly. Her…hair fur is damp. She must have some sort of oil that she uses while bathing. Perhaps from a flower from Earth that gives off the scent? It is rather pleasant…perhaps I shall ask Shepard later…
Liara couldn't help but handle a lock of the woman's slightly damp hair for a moment, noticing the interesting change in texture and thickness, before moving to the nearby terminal and sitting down in front of it. There was much to do. The vision hadn't parted any details that seemed outright relevant, and she'd decided to look through her volume of research for any possible answers. Seeing protheans, even if their forms were somewhat unclear and lacking detail in the vision, even if there seemed to be numerous variations, was fascinating. She quickly got to work on recording her assessment of her experiences in the meld, knowing that within a number of days, her memories of it would fade and disappear. Soon afterward she began scanning her works, starting from the most recent, and working backward.
She wasn't sure how long she had been at it when she heard a familiar, wordless moan, not needing to turn around to realize the commander was waking and stretching. Liara almost wished the woman wouldn't make that noise; it made her feel strange, and the sensation in her chest only resonated stronger. It is strange, it happens every time Shepard does that, and…it…it happened when I was thinking of her when I woke…and when we were training…Goddess… her mind was racing away from her studies to the woman slowly waking behind her. Like a single raindrop causing a glass of water to overflow, it all began to make sense. I am so dense! Well, it certainly still doesn't make sense, but…I can't recall feeling like this when I'm away from Shepard, when she isn't in my thoughts…but…what does this mean? Has she…passed on an illness to me?
Liara shook her head, scolding herself for thinking such an absurd question. No, that is silly. Liara, you will research this as soon as you are able…perhaps a message to Tevos might provide some clarity? Hrm…
Her thoughts were interrupted by a mane of curly brown hair fur sliding smoothly across her left cheek as the commander leaned her head over her shoulder curiously. She wanted desperately to just play with it, but she knew it was a childish urge, and that Shepard likely wouldn't have found it very amusing.
"What'cha reading?" the woman asked sleepily, obviously still in a post-sleep daze. Liara turned off the terminal and spun the chair around to face the commander. It wasn't often that Liara saw the woman without some form of uniform on, whether it was something more formal, or the Alliance's casual wear. This time around she was a rather snug-fitting, simple black top, which had rode partway up her torso, offering a healthy glimpse of the woman's defined abdomen. Her pants looked to be of softer material, and a much looser fit than what she'd worn during the training session, flowing down to her feet; feet which were covered in some sort of material, making Liara curious for a moment until her eyes scanned back upward and caught sight of a necklace hanging around the woman's neck. As her mind thought back to the small seeds that had been scattered through the commander's office, the woman's voice brought her racing mind back to reality.
"Uh, I'm sorry about…you know, sleeping here. I came by earlier, and you were sleeping, and I heard what you did for me, and I figured I'd stick around for some reason. I'm not really sure why, and…" the woman rambled nervously. Liara felt the urge to interrupt her and tell her it was no inconvenience to her, but her curiosity from before overrode the words she'd wanted to say.
"What scent are you wearing?" she asked, blushing at the mere mention of it, hoping it wouldn't sound as invasive as she felt.
Shepard stood still, looking baffled at the question she'd interrupted her with. "What?" she asked, confusion emanating from the single word. "It's…um…cinnamon buns."
Liara's mind quickly went to work at imagining what such a thing looked like, what colours it bore, what season it grew in. "What is a cinnamon bun?" she asked, eyes widening instinctively from her interest. She enjoyed the scent, and thought that maybe she would have some arranged to be grown in her house's garden.
Shepard wheeled the chair she'd slept in closer and sat down, positioning herself a foot away from Liara at most. The woman shook her head slowly, as if pondering some complex thought. "It's a kind of food. I make it here and there whenever real cinnamon passes through the markets on Amaterasu." She said, her voice only slightly louder than a whisper. "It's kind of silly, but I really enjoy the smell, and it reminds me of home."
It was Liara's turn to be confused, not accustomed to the idea of someone using something not entirely organic as a scent. On asari worlds, the most prized and popular scents were derived from flora, or plants from a number of exclusive lakes that offered extravagant aromas. Food was not something one would consider, given the choice. Often scents were used to promote a mood or reaction, to declare something about the wearer. Her thoughts spun quickly over why Shepard would make such a decision, despite the pleasant scent. None of the conclusions she came up with made sense to her.
"But food is meant to be consumed…are you suggesting through its scent that you want…" Liara began her words staggered as she tried to vocalize some rational reason, and was quickly interrupted by a wide-eyed, crimson-faced Shepard.
"NO!" she blurted out, her face getting strangely redder by the moment. Liara couldn't help but think she should call Chakwas, as it looked like a dangerous amount of blood had accumulated in her face. "No, no, no no…Liara, I'm sorry that you saw…Christ, I'm so sorry you saw that. Words can't express how bad I felt, and…I'm really, really sorry."
The words coming from the frantic woman simply didn't make any sense. "Shepard, I am not certain what you're apologizing for, but I assure you, I did not see anything that resembled food during the meld. If there is some offensive quality to cinnamon buns, I assure you that I would not be able to recognize it."
Shepard slowly spun her chair around, turning her back to Liara, confusing the asari even more when some light giggling echoed through the room.
"I'm sorry, Liara, I just…I've seen some pretty wild things in my life and…uh…I have some recurring dreams and nightmares, and…well, most of them aren't anything I'd want you to see." Shepard explained, turning the chair around as she wiped her eyes. Shepard's face was still tinted pink, but nothing near the dangerous tone of red just moments before. "And as for the cinnamon buns, I don't really wear it for any reason other than I told you. Brings back good memories, and…well, I'm a biotic, I eat a lot. When I have to eat paste for weeks on end, it's nice to remember what tasty food smells like."
"You will have to make them for me sometime." Liara said happily, hoping the buns tasted as good as they smelled, though as she watched the commander's face flush red again, she wondered about her wording. "I mean, I would like for you to make them. Certainly you aren't some servant of mine, and we are certainly not in the best situation to spend free time finding rare ingredients to make food with, let alone if you need special equipment, and…and…"
Shepard's smile only grew as Liara spouted out her apology. "It's alright, Liara. I'd love to make you cinnamon buns sometime. In fact, I promise you I'll figure out a way."
Liara recalled the thin, worn out bed sheets Shepard had been using instead of the wealth she had given her for her cot and shook her head animatedly. "I will not have you go through such trouble for me." She spoke as sternly as she could manage, her seriousness cracking away as the woman across from her gave a light, airy laugh.
"Liara, it's no trouble at all. I love baking, and it gives me an excuse to have delicious food. Next time I find myself in a kitchen, I'll gladly make us some cinnamon buns." Shepard noted cheerfully, her eyes alight with amusement. "But you'll have to be there with me, because they're the best when they're fresh out of the oven."
Liara smiled at the offer; she had always loved fresh food, and her house's chef Gileen would always prepare the most wonderful meals and desserts. She had once thought to learn how to cook for herself, but she had never been put in a position where it was necessary. Even on her digs, she'd order flash frozen meals that she could easily thaw out and re-heat with her mobile oven. The thought of someone like Shepard making something for her was enticing, and would give her a look into human cuisine. Liara knew that given Shepard's upbringing, it wouldn't be the same extravagance that she was used to on Thessia, but it was nice to imagine someone who enjoyed preparing food once again sharing it with her. It was also rather nice recalling her first experience with human food at Zhenaire's. She forced her mind away from the piece she'd fed Shepard, and focused on how delicious the appetizer had been.
Liara nodded, drawing a wide smile from the commander. "Then it's settled!" the woman said gleefully, as she curiously watched Shepard absently clutch the necklace she was wearing. "Maybe there's a place I can rent the next time we go to the Citadel, or…failing that, when we finish the mission, I'll invite everyone to my place on Amaterasu to celebrate."
Liara simply smiled at her, words building on her tongue, wanting desperately to find freedom. She knew it was possibly inappropriate, and that she was prying, but her curiosity had never been easy to contain.
"Where is that necklace from?" she asked quickly, blurting out more words as Shepard slowly looked down at the object in her hand. "If you do not mind me asking, at least. I do not mean to pry, but I swear I have seen it before."
Shepard toyed with the small brown object attached to the thin, chain necklace. "It was my sister's. I think she loved it almost as much as me." she said softly, letting it drop from her hands and hang naturally as she leant forward in her seat.
Liara's mind flashed back to the moment in the meld with Shepard and the other girl, and the conclusion she came to wasn't pleasant. Of course it isn't…speaking in past tense about a loved one rarely alludes to a happy end. Goddess…they looked so different, but…if she was attacked by her sister…oh, Goddess…
"Liara…" Shepard spoke, her softly spoken name breaking through the storm of thoughts in her head. Liara looked down at her own hands and saw them shaking slightly, and willed herself to stop them. "What did you see in the meld, exactly?" Her words were gentle, her question's tone made it seem like more of a demand, but that whatever answer she gave would be accepted. She wondered if this was how she spoke to everyone when she wanted answers.
"I saw the vision, and it had merged itself in your memories, I imagine. The architecture was unlike any prothean design I have encountered. I…it was…violent. I panicked at first and ran through this city, away from the carnage, until I found a building to hide in… a window to a lower floor was open. There were two…" Liara paused, wondering how much Shepard would want to heard, how much she herself wanted to recant. The pained look on Shepard's face only made it harder to continue. "I'm so sorry, Shepard."
The commander shrunk into herself slightly at her apology and let out a breathy sigh. "The visions…they're a damn curse. My sister…" the woman spoke, her hair masking most of her face as she turned away slightly. "They took a memory of mine and twisted it. Into something horrific. Hell, it's not the only one they've done it to, but it's the worst one."
Liara nodded solemnly at the explanation, not feeling any relief from the words. "How much of it was real?"
"Everything until she gets up and…and tries to kill me." Shepard stated quietly. "Pretty much every time I've fallen asleep since Eden Prime, I've had to kill my sister. My little sister, who wanted to be a writer when she grew up. She loved fish, when we could get any. Mel wanted to see space and everyone who lived out here, thought it was really romantic. She'd always be upbeat and positive, even when she was dying. Fuck, especially when she was dying."
Liara remained silent, not knowing what to say or do. She wanted desperately to hug the woman and try to make her feel better, but it didn't seem very tactful. The room was silent for a number of moments as they both just sat there under the dim lighting.
"I'm sorry you had to experience it. Between that and saving my life, I'm in your debt, Doctor." Shepard continued, breaking the silence between them, her voice a little harder this time.
Liara frowned, not feeling the commander owed her anything, considering what she had already done for her, and wondering whether the usage of her title meant she'd offended her. "I am sorry you had to as well. She sounds like a wonderful child, and…you both deserved better fates." She said, confused at why she was still allowing the conversation to linger on a topic that the woman found hurtful. She chided herself silently, vowing to do better in the future.
"She's pretty incredible." Shepard stated with a strange calmness, raising her gaze to Liara's as a small smile crept across her face. "And honestly, don't feel too bad for us. When she was around, the world was…it was pretty beautiful. Unbelievably beautiful in its own way, looking back. Yeah, we had our troubles, but it couldn't dull how wonderful life was with her around. Those were the best years of my life, in a lot of ways. So let's just leave the past in the past. And if I'm to believe in fate, it's led me to this ship…and a few new, surprising friendships."
Liara smiled at the statement. She was glad that the commander felt comfortable around her, and while she still preferred solitude to company on most days, it was nice having the woman around. The human's interest in her culture and deportment often led to fun discussions. While it seemed rather transparent that Shepard was trying to figure out how best to approach asari nobles, her enthusiasm for learning was infectious. She still wished the woman would elaborate on why she wouldn't drink Jihliq again, but perhaps her aversion to it was minor. In the future, I should offer her a drink….perhaps alongside those cinnamon buns she promised…in the meantime, I seem to recall another offer I made earlier…
"Indeed. I was not certain I would find such an interesting group of people when you brought me onto the Normandy. It has been pleasant to see your crew warm to me, especially Tali and Lieutenant Alenko." She spoke kindly, noticing Shepard's expression change slightly for a split second. Perhaps she just had an itch. I know I make embarrassing faces when my nose itches…mother would always scold me and tell me to remain calm and unaffected, that I needed to have discipline and self-control. Eighty years later and I still twitch when I itch…it is just too much of a bother to let last! She rambled internally, stopping as she realized Shepard was looking at her. Having lost her train of thought, she assumed she had stopped mid-sentence and blushed furiously at her awkwardness.
"And…and I hope you can join me in my morning meditation…at least, whenever I figure out a decent sleeping schedule. With the mission and…your incident…it is a bit off, as is yours, I imagine." Liara continued, earning her a shy smile from the woman. She wasn't sure what Shepard had to be shy or modest about, considering her ability to learn rather quickly. She was certain that within a month or two, the commander would have gained a fair bit more control over her biotics through the rituals.
"I'm pretty excited, honestly. And…well, I know I have a lot to learn." Shepard noted, worry showing on her face during the last of her words. "Shiala's on board now and…well, I've restricted her from being alone with you, or melding with you. Would she join in as well?"
"Shiala? I suppose if she wanted to, I would be fine with it. I am still not quite certain what to make of her and…all that she spoke of. I would not have melded with her until I was certain that her mind was safe." Liara explained, feeling thankful that she wouldn't have to discuss such restrictions with her mentor. She never felt comfortable giving orders to anyone unless she knew they would enjoy it. I would have been a terrible politician…
"Sadly, it's the right decision." Shepard said, eyes darting off toward the door. "I'm going to try and figure out whatever I can about indoctrination, and I'm sure she can…"
"Commander?" Joker's voice rang through the room's communication system, interrupting Shepard mid-sentence.
"What is it this time, Joker?" Shepard asked, a low chuckle leaving her mouth as she shook her head in apparent disbelief.
"I've got Admiral Hackett on a secure channel. Can you take it in the comm room? Sounds urgent." The pilot responded, sounding a little confused.
"I'll be there in a minute. Thanks, Joker." The woman stated as the slight static from the room's comm system cut off. Shepard returned her gaze to Liara, giving her an apologetic look. "I've got to go see to the old man. In the meantime, you should go get something to eat and drink…knowing you, you probably woke up, and went straight to the terminal."
Liara blushed at the human's accurate prediction. She knew that time tended to get away from her when she was involved in something.
Shepard leaned in closer to Liara, her head inches away from hers. "Promise me you'll have something to eat? I don't want you starving." The woman added, only half-playfully as her eyes sought Liara's for an answer.
"I promise." She stated, taking heart at the rush of relief that spilled across the woman's face. As if I would forgo food for days…willingly, at least. Well, I suppose there was that one time while I was writing my thesis…and when I was trying to meet the deadline for the publication of my fourth study…and… she mused, instantly forgetting her thoughts as Shepard got up out of her chair; the view of the woman sauntering out of the lab was too interesting to not pay full attention to, even if her legs and hips were obscured.
Shepard looked over her shoulder and casually waved goodbye as she strolled through the door, a frown instinctively stretching across Liara's face as the door slid shut.
Yes, I definitely need to write to Tevos…
A/N: Hooray! First chapter of 2013! And I was able to cover the meat of the chapter and throw in some fluff for good measure :) I did a lot of checking around to make sure I didn't cover any previously covered ground on some subjects. I don't think I made any major mistakes here. If I did, I would appreciate if you kindly pointed them out :)
And so the lull between events is over…seems Hackett has something up his sleeve. I wonder what it is, exactly? And I wonder what Tevos would think about Liara's mini-revelation?
Anywho, thank you all, as always, for your incredible support. Here's to another year! Maybe I'll finish this by this time 2014…who knows? Either way, I really, really appreciate that you're taking time out of your busy lives to find entertainment in my stories. It's kind of really humbling and just motivates me to write more. So thank you all, you're excellent people! I hope your New Years' celebrations went well. :D
So I hope you all have a wonderful Friday, and a great weekend. Take care!