Chapter 18: What a good boy

Rory felt as if the room was spinning as Tristan's tongue slid across her bottom lip.

'Oh !'

Everything came crashing down around them and he pulled away instantly. The nurse stood in the doorway with a clipboard in her hand and embarrassed smile on her face.

'I'm sorry. I just need to take Miss Hayden's vitals.'

Rory gave her as much of a smile as she could muster, glanced quickly at Tristan who was staring at her then looked to the door once again where a woman in a light blue skirt and white button up had taken the nurses place. She was carrying a small stack of papers and her cell phone which she was looking down at. The nurse, who now stood beside Rory, greeted her with a friendly smile.

'Doctor.'

The brunette women looked up from her phone looking a bit disoriented; she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. Looking her over Rory guessed she was in her late twenties. She stepped into the room and stuck her hand out to Rory, then realizing she still held her phone in it she tossed it on top of the stack of papers, laughed and reached out again.

'Lorelai I'm Doctor Ramsey. It is Lorelai right?'
'Yea, but you can call me Rory. What happened to Doctor Allan?'
'Oh I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a psychiatrist here at Hartford Memorial.'
'I don't need a psychiatrist.'

Her entire body went on alert and Tristan took notice to it. Before she could attack the poor doctor he cleared his throat.

'It's mandatory that you talk to her Ror.'

She turned to him accusingly. Doctor Ramsey stood quietly and waited. A moment later the nurse looked to her questioningly then left when she nodded her OK.

'Why?'

He looked to the doctor and she smiled.

'Because you Over Dosed Miss Hayden.'
'Not in the way you guy's are making it seem. It was an accident.'
'Accident or not, the reality is that it did happen. So we need to talk about why and how you got here.'
'My stupid cousin called 911.'
'So you blame your cousin for this?'
'Yes!'

Nodding she sat down in the chair beside the bed and pulled her pen out. Rory looked between her and Tristan nervously.

'No, I don't mean it's his fault I took the pills, it's just … he didn't have to make such a big deal out of it.'
'And you don't think it is? A big deal?'
'It's a problem; but one I can deal with. It's not this huge thing that everybody's making it out to be.'
'Rory'

When he spoke this time the doctor looked at him and stretched out her hand to him.

'And you are?'
'Tristan DuGrey. Rory's'
'Friend.'

Her eyes shifted away from his and heaviness filled his chest.

'Oh ok great. Rory is it OK if Tristan stays or would you like for him to step out while we talk.'

He started to get up, thinking that she was going to ask him to leave but she reached for his hand pulling him back.

'I want him to stay.'
'OK that's fine.'

She crossed her legs and posed her pen above the paper.

'I ran into your Mother and cousin outside and we talked for a bit. She said you may be more inclined to talk without her here. '
'Well she was wrong.'
'Would you prefer I go and get her?'
'No I'd prefer if you'd just go.'
'Rory, stop.'
'No it's fine Mister DuGrey. Rory, you're angry I get that, this is an upsetting situation.'

With a roll of her eyes, Rory pulled herself up to sit straight in the bed.

'But it's not new is it? You've been angry for awhile haven't you?'

Letting go of Tristan's hand she crossed her arms defensively.

'I'm not angry with anybody.'
'OK.'

She let the subject drop and once again began to read then looked back to Rory and leaned forward.

'Can you tell me about your brother?'
'He has nothing to do with any of this!'
'Your Mom tells me the anniversary of his passing is this week. That must be very difficult for you to deal with.'
'You mean him dying? No it's like a day at the beach. Of course it's difficult, but I didn't try to kill myself over it.'
'What's his name?'
'What? '
'Your brother, what is his name?'

Rory's eyes narrowed and Tristan moved to answer but with another smile and small gesture of her hand, Doctor Ramsey stopped him.

'I'd like Rory to answer.'
'What does it matter?'
'You were twins were you not? I mean the two of you must have been very close. '
'I guess.'
'Well I'm here to learn about you, and he's apart of you.'

There was silence and for the first time it looked as if the doctor were actually getting to her.

' Christo … Chris, his name's Chris.'

Dr. Ramsey smiled.

'Chris. Why don't you tell me about him.'
'There's not much to say.'
'Well I find that hard to believe.'
'Well maybe you should try a little harder.'
'How about we just start with something small. What was his favorite song?'

Tristan smiled and looked at Rory who had a small smile on her face as well. She let out a horse laugh.

'What a good boy by the uh Barenaked Ladies.'
'I love that song.'
'He used to say that it reminded him of them.'

She looked to Tristan now with a raised eyebrow.

'I had the same look the first time he told me. It was something about a part in the song … '
'We've got these chains that hang around our neck's people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath..'

They both looked at Rory who stared blankly ahead. After a moment of silence she shook her head and looked at them.

'I'm sorry I … I don't …'
'It's ok.'

She smiled comfortingly, reached up and squeezed her arm. Then she tilted her head to the left and her voice took on an even softer tone.

'We need to talk about your drug addiction.'
'It's not an … ok in rehab I learned that a sign of addiction is denial.'
'That's right.'
'I'm not denying that I've been … weak … when it comes to pills. But I'm not an addict. Addict's are people who steal and lie and hurt their family and ... are completely dependent on their drug.'

Tristan's mind flashed back to only twenty minutes earlier.

'Surprise! Lorelai perfect fucking Hayden is not only human but an addict to boot.'

With a small nod Doctor Ramsey uncrossed and re crossed her legs.

'That's the most common definition of an addict. But the most common addict is one who believes they aren't one.'

She put her hand in her skirt pocket and pulled something out. She looked at it for a second looking as if she were fighting with herself, and then held it out to Rory. The white bottle rattled and Rory looked to her confused.

'What-?'
'I want you to take the bottle of vicodin.'
'Why?'
'Humor me.'

With shaking hand's she reached for the bottle. Her hand fell limply in her lap as she looked at the bottle in her hand and inhaled a sharp intake of air.

'What does that bottle say Rory?'

She was silent and Tristan looked at her confused.

'Paris Geller.'
'Who's Paris?'
'My best friend.'

He sat back and stared at her completely thrown. She sniffed and the doctor tilted her head so as to see Rory's face.

'Did she give them to you?'
'No.'
'Then how'd you get them?'
'I uh …'

Her hand's had started to shake even more and now the doctor took action and pulled the bottle from Rory's hands and stuffed it back into her pocket. Rory inhaled a shaky breath and pulled her hand through her hair.

'I told her I'd throw them away for her.'
'You stole them.'
'I guess.'
'And you lied.'
'Yes.'
'Is that the first time you've stolen pills?'
'No. I took Carmen's to. '
'And she is?'
'Family.'

Rory looked to Tristan feeling a bit dazed. He had a strange look in his eyes that she couldn't handle seeing so she looked away.

'When you were holding the bottle … how were you feeling?'
'Like I … wanted to take them.'
'Wanted to?'

A tear escaped down her cheek and she wiped it away.

'Like I needed to take them ok?'
'Rory, I know that there's something else that you learned in rehab. In recovery … what's the first step?' 'Admittance.'

Silence.

'You want me to admit to you guy's that I'm an addict.'
'Rory when it comes down to it my opinion means nothing. Tristan's opinion means nothing. I want you to be able to admit it to yourself.'

Silence.

'Fine.'

They waited for her to speak the words.

'I'm an addict.'

Doctor Ramsey smiled comfortingly and Tristan felt his heart clench at the look on Rory's face. She looked like she had just resigned to defeat. A few tears rolled down her cheeks and she didn't bother this time to wipe them away.

'When did it start?'

Rory opened her mouth to respond with her usual answer but then she noticed the look on Tristan's face and she looked at a spot on the floor beside the doctors Silver pump.

'The eighth grade.'
'Has it always been pills?'
'No.'

She looked uncomfortably at Tristan.

'Tristan.'
'Hey, remember what I said. It doesn't change anything.'
'Do you want Tristan to step out for a minute?'

Rory looked at him for a moment then shook her head with resolve.

'No. He need's to listen to this. '

Lorelai had already given him this information, but hearing her say it made it seem all the more real and it took all of his strength to stop himself from letting her see how much it was affecting him.

'How did it start?'
'The first time I used it was just weed, there was this guy at school, Alex … something. I had gotten there late that day because I had gotten into this huge fight with my Dad that morning and I saw him sitting behind some building smoking … I remember just thinking to myself how he never seemed to care about anything. He always seemed so relaxed and no matter what anyone said to him he just … it was like it couldn't touch him. I was always struggling to keep everybody happy; trying my damndest to not let them all down, my Mom and Dad, Chris … friend's.'

She did her best to avoid eye contact with Tristan but could still feel his gaze on her.

'So I ditched class and went over and asked him if I could have some. He looked at me like I was speaking another language. To him and everybody else I was perfect Rory Hayden … studies her ass off and never does anything wrong. He said as much too and that pretty much pushed me over the edge. I was so tired of being what everybody wanted me to be and it still never being enough. Chris and my Dad were constantly at each others throats so I was shoved into the role of the good child. And to Chris I was just … I felt like he had me so high on this pedestal that if I breathed wrong I wasn't going to survive the fall. My friend's, I knew couldn't care less whether I stopped going to school tomorrow as long as I was happy, but even with them … I have my role and I've been playing it for so long that … now that they know what I am … I'm terrified to see them.'

Tristan inhaled a shaky breath now as she cried. He wanted to reach out to her, tell her that it was ok ... but they both knew it wasn't. The doctor nodded in understanding then looked at him.

'What about Tristan? He's sitting here.'

Rory shook her head.

'He shouldn't be.'
'Why?'
'Because, I let him down.'
'What?'

He moved toward her instinctively an appalled look on his face.

'How did you let him down?'
'I lied to him, I didn't tell him what was happening to me because I was afraid if he knew how screwed up I am he wouldn't be my friend anymore. Now he knows and he's acting like it doesn't change anything but I know I hurt him…and it changes everything.'
'Is that how you see it Tristan? Rory let you down?'
'NO!'

Anger radiated off of him and Rory jumped.

'OK. Do you see? Nobody's accusing you of anything but yourself. We all make mistakes Rory, we all have our own ... affliction's… and we all deal with them in our own ways. Your way just happens to be very dangerous.'

She looked down at her paper yet again then looks up and takes the conversation in another direction.

'Your cousin told me you said something to him before you passed out last night. Do you remember what that was?'

She shook her head genuinely confused and looked to Tristan who was just as in the dark as she was.

'I remember fighting … I said a lot of really hurtful thing's and then Colin holding me … after that it's pretty much a blank until I woke up here.'
'OK. Well maybe I can help you out with that. According to … Colin?'

Rory nodded.

'Well according to him you apologized for taking the pills and then told him he wouldn't stop yelling at you.'

The blood drained from her face and Tristan shook his head still confused.

'Who was yelling at her?'
'Rory?'

Rory brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she let out a small cry.

'Tristan go.'
'What?'

His hurt was evident.

'Rory '

She looked panicked and shook her head, another sob burst out of her.

'Make him go, please.'
'OK. That's fine.'

Doctor Ramsey stood up.

'No.'
'Tristan leave! Go!'

Worry clouded his eyes and he looked to the doctor in a panic.

'Mister DuGrey, please.'

With no other choice he was led out the door. He lingered there a moment staring at Rory, when she didn't look back he slowly walked away. Doctor Ramsey poured a glass of water and handed it to Rory who took it with a shaking hand.

'Are you ok?'
'No.'
'Ok. Take a moment and we can continue when you're ready.'

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rory staring blankly at nothing in particular. Suddenly her attention snapped to the doctor and she seemed to come back to reality. She sat the cup on the table and twisted her hands nervously. Doctor Ramsey smiled reassuringly at her.

'Chris. '
'How long have you been hearing him?'
'Oh my god I'm crazy aren't I?'

The doctor's eyes widened slightly.

'What? Sweetie no.'

She leaned forward and held Rory's hand.

'Rory you're not crazy. I don't like using that word for people who are mentally ill by the way, let alone the one's who aren't.'

Doctor Ramsey paused and watched her for a few seconds.

'Do you think you can push the button for the nurse?'

She was confused by her topic jump but found the button and pressed it. The nurse who had interrupted them earlier walked in.

'Yes?'
'Shelby do you think you could get Mrs. Hayden for us? She's in the waiting room.'
'Of course Doctor Ramsey.'

She disappeared and Rory looked nervous.

'Why do you need to talk to my Mom?'
'You're underage and we need to discuss what will happen next, a parent or guardian needs to be present.'
'Is it bad?'
'No.'

She smiled and then continued to write notes as they waited nervously for Lorelai. When a nervous Lorelai stepped into the room Doctor Ramsey stood and shook her hand then sat back down. Lorelai looked to Rory trying to find some hint as to what was going to happen. When all she got was a scared look, she sat down beside her and held her hand.

'So how did everything go?'
'Well.'

She finished writing something then put her pen down and folded her hands in her lap.

'Sorry. Why do you ladies look so scared? I feel like I should be carrying a mace or something.'

Everyone laughed softly, then she tilted her head to the side again and looked at Rory.

'It's going to be OK. I want you to know that.'

Rory looked down at her hand's trying to fight back the tears that burned her eyes.

'I'm not convinced that this was an accident Rory. I think you have a lot of pain inside of you and you haven't figured out how to deal with it yet. I want to keep you for a forty-eight hour evaluation. Do you know what that is?'

Rory shook her head as she cried quietly.

'It's where a doctor or a nurse will come in and ask you questions over the next forty-eight hours about how your feeling and about your day to day feeling's and so on. It doesn't even always take that long, you could be done in twenty four, which would still have you leaving around the same time I believe your doctor had originally planned. It's just so we can get a better handle on what's happening to you. Do you understand?'

Rory looked to her Mom in a panic.

'Doctor, she wouldn't need to be moved from this floor would she?'
'Normally- yes, but I don't think she's a risk so I'll talk to her doctor. Rory I want you to understand that this isn't a bad thing, on the contrary actually … if we think that you'd benefit from further treatment, then in the long run it could only be a positive thing.'

With a nod of understanding Rory smiled with what little strength she could muster and Doctor Ramsey stood up.

'It was nice meeting you Rory. I'll being seeing you soon. Mrs. Hayden.'

Without another word she was gone.

AN: OK so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter. I don't hate it but I'm not confident either; there are three Chapter 18's saved on my computer right now lol. Each one is very different, one jumps ahead two weeks ... One a couple of hours ... but I felt neither one fit well with where the story needed to be at this point. Despite my misgivings over it though - I do hope that you like it! Lol
Also, I've recently realized that I don't always thank you all for your amazing reviews. I love them so much and I truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I hope that the next chapter doesn't take me so long ... It says that the last update was almost a year ago! I can't believe that!
Again thank you all for reading & sticking with me through my insanely long bouts of writers block. 3