Presrop was an unfortunately barren wasteland, and it wasn't surprising to hear that Major Kyle had assembled a number of unfortunate people on the planet. It had been one of the planets that Kyle had brought Shepard and a number of others to for training exercises back when he was her CO. He'd since apparently spiraled into an unfortunate state due to his supposed PTSD and made the unfortunate decision to execute or kidnap two Alliance representatives who had been sent to meet with him. The whole situation was just unfortunate. There were no other words to describe it.
Shepard stepped out of the Mako and made a beeline for the small complex, grumbling to herself over how Hackett had dismissed her concerns. She knew Kyle had been luring desperate, disenfranchised human biotics to his compound, and she wanted assurance that they would send a ship to collect them, and that they'd treat them well. Hackett's vague response hadn't made her feel any better about the situation. I've got unstable 'Father' Kyle, a bunch of loyal biotics who are strangely following Kyle around, and potentially Alliance command to deal with. Lovely…
The idea of her former commanding officer creating a biotic sanctuary seemed surreal to her. He'd never shown any biotic capabilities, and while he'd always enjoyed being in a position of authority, he had rarely ever actively manipulated people. If Kyle has an end-game in mind, I can't see it…he's campaigning against the Alliance, saying human biotics should congregate and fight back?
She knew the Alliance's hands weren't clean in the matter of biotic training. They'd worked with Conatix, after all, and had done some fairly terrible things to biotic candidates in their orphanages and their programs. Combine that idiocy and mistreatment with how much society hates and ostracizes us in general, and you get a group of people wanting validation, safety, power…he's an ex soldier…I get why they're here, but Kyle? Why him?
She reached the door to the building and tapped at the old, half-broken communication device nearby. I doubt he shelled out the money for this…probably an abandoned pirate nest. Not hard to find them on these kind of planets. Hard to imagine the Alliance feeling threatened by someone all the way out here, no ship in sight. Why was I sent out here? I doubt it's to take Kyle alive and get him help…Christ…
"This is a private sanctuary. Outsiders are NOT welcome here." A voice crackled over the building's comms. Shepard shook her head slightly at the man's tone and pressed the buzzer again.
"I need to talk to the man in charge. It's important." She stated firmly, releasing the ancient looking buzzer.
Once again, a voice came over the comms. "Father Kyle wants nothing more to do with the Alliance!"
She let out a sigh, feeling aggravated by the sinking feeling in her gut more than the responses from the compound. "Look, I don't want any harm to come to any of you, but two people went missing here and I just want to talk to Father Kyle and get this whole thing cleared up." She said as nicely as possible, holding the buzzer down again. "Tell him Shepard's here to see him."
A silence hung over the comms as she stood by the door, waiting for a response for nearly two minutes. Finally, the familiar crackle of the speakers came through. "Father Kyle will speak to you. He'll meet you in the building at the far end of the compound."
Shepard looked around the area, looking for any other building when a small steel box caught her eye. Oh come on…an underground lair? Kyle…seriously…
She signaled over to Wrex and Kaidan that they were good to go, and watched them quickly leave the vehicle as she approached. The trio cautiously made their way to the opening, and she could have sworn she heard Wrex curse. The hatch led to a small decontamination chamber, big enough for maybe three humans at a time, and possibly three quarters of a krogan. It took nearly ten minutes to wrangle Wrex and his armor in and out of the room, and when they all managed to finish up, the welcome party of a half dozen angry-looking human biotics didn't improve any of their moods.
Shepard looked around and saw that the compound was tidy, if a bit empty, and the people seemed to be somewhat well fed, though she was sure that without some form of outside funding, they would run out of supplies quickly. This just doesn't seem like Kyle…he was meticulous! He planned everything out…he'd be better than this. She thought, unable to stifle her confusion as she removed her helmet.
She ignored the grumblings of the man's followers as she strolled through the compound; Shepard knew they were no threat to her, Alenko or Wrex. They were no soldiers, they were unfortunate souls given something at birth that permanently branded them as suspicious and deviant. She knew that under different circumstances, she could have easily been one of the people in the facility. It was only tremendous greed and disgusting ambition that had sent her down a path away from that sort of helplessness. She wasn't going to thank Cerberus, but she did learn how to defend herself through them. If Kyle was doing one thing right, it was trying to help those people, but she was certain that his way wasn't the right way to bring human biotics better fortune. It'd only lead to bloodshed…I'm not convinced it's not how this will end, either…
The journey ended at a slightly reinforced doorway, leading into a larger room; benches were lined up diagonally at the sides of the room, facing a large seat at the far wall where Major Kyle sat, looking rather perturbed. Around him were a number of the biotics, huddled nearby as if the man would keep them safe, fire in their eyes to let Shepard and her crew know that they wouldn't give him up without a fight.
"The Butcher of Torfan." The man said with a sneer, slowly rising from his chair. "Why have you come here, infecting the walls of this sanctuary with your presence?"
Shepard gave a low laugh; she'd always found the man's flair for the dramatic to be amusing. It was one thing that seemingly hadn't changed in recent years. "I got your message, Major. Second-hand, true, but I was pretty interested. Being a biotic and all." She remarked somewhat playfully, wondering whether or not her bait would reveal if his ego had just grown, or if it was something else.
"You were never welcome here, Butcher." Kyle practically spat the title at her. It had never been one she agreed with, that matched her version of reality. Nevertheless it had been popularized when Kyle and one of the gunnery chiefs that had survived, Krauss, had attached the moniker to her in their interviews. She had never imagined two people could have had such an effect on her life yet they had. She recalled the months, years it took her to win over the people of Middlesex, the town nearest her home out in the forests and fields of Amaterasu. It's still an ongoing battle, really, but…I try…
"Well, fortunately for you, I invited myself. Otherwise, the Alliance would have set up a nice, healthy orbital strike to clean up the mess you made." Shepard teased, enjoying the look on his face as his eyes widened in anger. "Yes, you know how the Alliance is just as much as I do."
Kyle's arm stretched outward, his index finger pointing sharply at her. "Yet you're still a part of them!"
"I signed up for a reason, Major. Bureaucratic fuckwits or not, I swore to protect and serve, in that order. Now I just do it on a galactic scale as a Spectre." Shepard responded immediately, knowing her allegiance would be questioned along the line.
"And here I am protecting those the Alliance will not. Why can't you people leave us alone?!" Kyle asked angrily. The biotics around him were becoming notably restless, making her glad she'd taken two biotics with her. She was more worried of them breaking something from being poorly trained than potentially causing her and her crew harm, but if a show of force was needed, she thought a little biotic trickery could nullify them all.
Shepard couldn't help but laugh at the statement. "I wasn't born yesterday, Kyle. You've been blaming all these people's hardships on the Alliance, and from what I gather, you've been putting some plans in motion to attack? Not the right answer, Major. Not the way to protect these people."
The man stood still for moments, his conviction cracking slowly but surely, despite his rage. Kyle retook his seat and gripped the armrests tightly. "And I am to take lessons in protection from you? The Butcher who led good men and women to their deaths?"
"There were hundreds of innocents, Kyle." She grit out slowly. "I had them do their duty as an Alliance soldier. We weren't leaving that base until either we or the batarians were dead. You know that." She felt the bile rise in her throat as memories of the mission returned to her. She swallowed it back as best as she could while the Major continued his rant.
"I do know that they rewarded you with a Star of Terra for your efforts, Butcher. Tell me, was the glory worth the bodies you stepped on to gain it? Do you even remember their names?" Kyle pressed on. She knew he was just trying to tear her down, but it didn't change the effect it had on her.
"Of course I do! Hanlon, Jorgensen, Dreger, Santana, Liston, Watts, Banjara, Beauchamps, Oliver, Reynolds, Hounsou, Hinds, Zahabi, O'Keefe…and those are just the ones I took on the final push, but I know them all. I didn't want that damn medal, it's in some waste station somewhere near Arcturus. If you find it, you can have it. I wanted them alive when we walked out of there." Shepard spoke firmly, a face flashing in her mind as she listed the names of those in her makeshift platoon.
"But they weren't and your actions…your actions damaged human biotics irreparably!" Kyle shouted at her. The backlash on biotics after Torfan was minor, but still hurt Shepard to think about. She didn't want others paying for the reputation she alone could bear. "Look around at these people, Butcher. They're here because you gave them no other choice! Because you began the witch-hunt, wanting all human biotics to be slaves to the Alliance!"
She worked to calm herself, memories of nicer times flitting through her mind; her autumn afternoon in the orphanage's yard with her sister as a child, the vidcall she'd had with Faridah when her friend had graduated, the dinner with Liara at Zhenaire's. Just calm yourself…why are you here? Focus.
"Is that why you killed the two Alliance representatives?" Shepard asked, her voice low and steady. "I'm here to try and get you out of trouble, Kyle, but you're making it hard for me."
Kyle let out a laugh and scowled at her. "I did what I could to make their end quick. I had no other choice, they were going to abandon this sanctuary, they wanted me to turn my back on my children! They spoke blasphemy! I don't need what the Alliance is peddling. I have my own protection now."
Shepard was taken aback slightly, looking around the room at a number of skittish looking people, itching to be let loose on them. "Well, it's certainly not these people, you wouldn't put them in harm's way. So who exactly is helping you? "
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kyle asked rhetorically, taking pleasure from Shepard's frustration. "They're interested in giving human biotics the power and control over their lives that they deserve. They know these people are the most advanced humans… that they shouldn't be shunned, but instead, seen as icons. They are my children, and I will keep them safe."
Shepard held her tongue at his words, a familiar name on the tip of them urging to breach the air between them. There were only two groups she knew of that worked in humanity's interests, and the answer was maddeningly simple.
"Cerberus, then." She stated as casually as she could manage, ignoring his expression as she pulled up a program on her omni-tool and typed away on it. After a number of moments she raised her head and gazed toward a pack of the biotics. "You all do realize that Cerberus was running Conatix when Jump Zero was operational. They organized eezo exposures over communities…especially ones of poor, unwanted children, knowing no one would care."
"Those are lies! She will leave you helpless!" Kyle shouted, but the man received more than a few questioning looks from his mob.
One of them, a waifish raven haired woman, stepped forward, looking over the trio warily. "Is what you said true?"
Shepard looked to her side and noticed Kaidan giving her a sidelong glance. She returned her gaze to the woman, cutting off the major as he went to speak. "It is. I grew up in one of their experiments, along with a number of other starving orphans. They did tests on me, killed hundreds of us in an attempt to make us stronger with a second exposure to eezo. I had just turned thirteen." She spoke, her confidence growing as more of the biotics looked to her. If Kyle was going to use Torfan against her, she would use her childhood against him. "They let my sister and I wither in the streets, starving and dejected by society. They had people hunt us, beat us. I had to watch my sister die because it was the only way they could get me to agree to further experiments, to their 'protection'. They tortured me. When I rebelled after finding out who they were, what they did, they tried to kill me. These are not the people you want protecting you." She finished, stepping toward the woman. She knew that many of the people in the compound had endured terrible life experiences, that many had likely been shunned by those who were supposed to love them the most. It was a pain that she imagined never really dissipated. She couldn't bear the thought of Cerberus tricking them like they'd tricked her. She couldn't bear the thought of them being experimented on after coming to a sanctuary to have a better life. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.
"Don't listen to her, she's lying! She's the Butcher of Torfan, she helped them tear you down!" Kyle demanded, but a sea of eyes had fallen upon her.
"I know you've had hard lives. I know what it feels like to be hurt, to be hated. And I never wanted what happened on Torfan to hurt any of you. I know you're all desperate for a better life…I can't promise you that, but I can promise that Cerberus will only see you as tools, resources to be used up and thrown away. You don't deserve that." Shepard stated softly, hoping that her words weren't falling on deaf ears. "I have a shuttle inbound in a few hours for pickup. It's Alliance…and I know you all hate them, for good reason in many cases…but as a Spectre, I have some authority to wield. I can pull some strings with people who owe me some favours, with people who accept me even if I am a biotic, and find a way to get you a new start. It wouldn't take much to find you land on Amaterasu or Drasta, and I'm willing to help in whatever way I can."
The woman looked back to the others, and then to Major Kyle, who was glaring fiercely at Shepard. A number of others stepped forward warily, leading the woman to turn back to the commander.
"And what about Father Kyle?" she asked timidly, obviously somewhat attached to the old soldier.
"I'll pull some strings and get him some help, and away from Cerberus. If he comes willingly, that is." Shepard replied quickly and calmly.
Much of the biotics moved away from Kyle, prompting him to stand, activating his omni-tool. "You…you would do this to me after all you've done already?!" the man asked, drawing a puzzled look from her and Alenko. She gave him a shrug and turned her gaze to the major.
"I'm just trying to protect them, Kyle. I know you are too, but Cerberus are dangerous. They'll hurt them." Shepard said slowly, uncertain about why the man was activating his omni-tool. A light hissing sound filled the room, and it only took a moment for Shepard to realize what Kyle had done. He'd rather kill them than let me help…than see me as anything outside his goddamn Butcher character…FUCK!
"They told me you'd try to enslave them! I won't let you, Butcher! Their blood is on your hands!" the man yelled, coughing. Shepard was already corralling the biotics down the narrow aisle toward the exit , which Alenko had already hacked open. Shepard quickly looked around the room, noticing most of the people were lacking any environmental protection. FUCK!
She put her helmet on the woman she'd been talking with and activated the seals, holding her breath and her nose closed as she raced the group through the compound, the civilians one by one falling to the nerve gas. She held back tears as the air stung her eyes, as the deaths stung her heart.
She inhaled desperately as soon as they reached the decontamination chamber, Alenko and Wrex patiently waiting outside as Shepard and five others crammed themselves into the space. Five out of maybe three dozen…damn you Kyle! She thought, slumping down against the wall, tears streaming down her face. Shepard felt her fist slam repeatedly into the wall behind her, but it was no use. She couldn't do anything to help the dead. I must be cursed…I try to help people and…there's never enough alive in the end…Christ…if I'm trying to save the damn galaxy, what's going to be left of it when I'm done?
Can I keep doing this?
"A hundred credits says Wrex went on a bloodrage and jumped on every single one of them." Joker's voice took on a cocky tone in her earpiece, fully confident in his bet. She didn't quite buy it. The past ten minutes had led to some wild, perhaps morbid, speculation over what had happened down on Presrop; Shepard had called in the number of survivors and casualties, and requested that a number of extra sets of armor with environmental seals be brought in when they were picked up. She hadn't sounded happy.
She also asked us to do the pickup instead of the SSV Stockholm, which should be here in a half hour at most. Don't know what her rush is…think she'd be tired of this place by now…
"Joker, I doubt Shepard would let him jump on people. I'll take that bet." Heather noted with a smile, thinking up another silly bit of speculation to pass the time as the ship made its way into the planet's atmosphere and to the compound. It wasn't easy looking at the number of dead on the report, and she found something of a kindred spirit in the pilot, who reacted to tragedy in a similar way. She wouldn't make jokes about everything, especially if those she was close to were hurting, but it at least helped her keep emotional distance from everything else. It was easier to laugh and pretend everything was fine than to let herself feel that loss. "I bet you a hundred credits that Alenko broke out into an Elvis routine and accidentally gave all the biotic women, barring Shepard, a fatal heart-attack." The man was attractive, or at least she thought as much of him, but his uncanny resemblance to the historical pop culture icon was too good to pass up sometimes.
"I can actually see that. Heard him singing in the shower once. Sounds more like a Springsteen, he'd probably send people into shock, or maybe just make them endlessly pump their fists in the air." The pilot chuckled, though his light banter was quickly forgotten as she recalled the incident with Shepard. She'd always thought herself notoriously difficult to rattle, but seeing her friend slipping away had shaken her to her core. It had taken a long time to fall asleep, even after having confirmation that Shepard would be fine. Heather couldn't help but hope that the overarching mission wouldn't have any more moments like that. I'm not sure I could take going through another night like that…if Liara weren't there to help…
She shook her head at the thought, muting her headset's microphone, feeling like she had a little more room to breathe, to think about something other than that. I wish Shepard were better at Catan…She lost all four games this morning. Who tries to win with a sheep monopoly? I swear, it's all she's tried to do since last year at my place when Faridah challenged her to win with stupid, useless sheep. Though it was a nice change of pace, and she was in an alright mood until Hackett called her away again…
"Uh, I think we might have a problem, Heather. Might want to get Chakwas down to the cargo bay." Joker spoke over the comms, forcing her to activate her headset again.
"And you can't tell her…why?" Heather asked, not terribly amused at the thought of the crew needing the doctor. She began flipping through her open programs, searching for the crew's hardsuit readings.
"We had a bit of an incident last time. Apparently she doesn't like being compared to wizards, or being told she should grow a beard." Joker said jokingly, as if such a suggestion was perfectly reasonable. "Think of what it would do to crew morale! But no…no, she just moved my next appointment up in schedule. Not cool." He finished, as Heather stared at the crew's readings. What the hell is going on?!
"Do we have any hostiles marked out down there? Shepard's taking a bit of a beating right now!" Heather called out to the pilot, confused as anything over what could happen after the mission had been completed.
"I've got Kaidan, gimme a sec." Joker replied quickly, an unnerving silence building as seconds ticked by without answer. She wasn't used to covering combat missions. She wasn't used to anyone having more pain inflicted on them than a papercut or a stubbed toe. It all served to make her progressively more nervous. She breathed a sigh of relief as the slight hum of Joker's channel came over her earpiece. "It…uh… Shepard's duking it out with Wrex."
Heather froze at his words, recalling the massive krogan from the cargo bay. She had never seen krogan in action, but she'd heard things. Bad things. The pit in her stomach grew as he dropped her head into her hands. It was all getting to be more than a little exhausting.
"Fly faster, Joker." she spoke, too worried and tired to put any energy into the words.
It wasn't often that Liara was angry, and even rarer that she let it show. As a child, her mother had told her it would be unbecoming and childish to let anger control her so, to put it on display as a characteristic of House T'Soni. Thus, it had been forbidden within the view of the public. While the sound of her mother's voice repeated through her mind as she waited for the elevator to reach the cargo bay, it only spurred her anger further. I may never hear my mother's voice again if Shepard goes and gets herself killed! What…Goddess, what was she thinking?!
Word had spread throughout the ship quickly that the commander and Wrex had fought, which was already confusing to Liara. She'd known the two had got along well, from what she understood. That their fight was recreational only made her head spin further. It was baffling to believe the commander would put her life at risk to play fight. She couldn't fathom any reason to do so, and it only increased her fury. Her fury, and the deepening, persistent ache in her chest.
The door slid open and her eyes immediately traced a path to the woman, standing by the weapons table with Gunner Chief Williams. She stepped out of the elevator, pacing near it, working up a series of statements she wanted to make the commander understand. Needed her to understand. Liara noticed Shiala approach beside her and halted her pacing momentarily. It was a habit of hers when she was feeling anxious, often deep in thought, and even though she had been separated from Shiala for over a decade, she knew the commando would be able to read her quite clearly.
"Is there something troubling you, Lady T'Soni?" Shiala asked, concerned as always for her well-being. She wasn't in the mood for bearing titles she didn't want, but she was too worked up over something else to care enough to correct her.
"The commander almost got herself killed!" Liara whispered angrily at her old guardian.
Shiala took a brief look over at Shepard and then back at Liara. "She is fine now, though. The krogan certainly didn't look any better when they arrived." The commando told her, none of the words dousing the flames of anger inside her. "She would not let herself die when on such an important mission."
Liara scoffed at that, taking a look at Shepard. The woman's bruised, swollen face was visible from across the cavernous room. She hadn't seemed to have made a serious effort at avoiding damage, incensing Liara even more. Ignoring Shiala's light protests, she marched toward the woman, fists down at her sides clenched in anger. As she neared, she heard the two women speaking casually about one of their grandfather's. Ashley's she assumed, knowing Shepard's background.
"So I don't want you thinking you have to make up for someone who didn't deserve to be treated like he did. Don't go throwing yourself into the flames just because it might make some bureaucrats think more highly of you." Shepard spoke, giving the marine a pat on the knee before turning to Liara. If the commander had sensed Liara's temperament, she hadn't shown it, but Liara could only hope the woman was keeping a cool façade and knew the trouble she was in. "Hey, Liara. Can I help you?"
The woman's nonchalant manner of speaking instinctively narrowed Liara's eyes as she watched Williams slink away cautiously. It was only when she became aware of the blue glow around her that she understood the woman's movement. No matter, if it helps Shepard take me more seriously…
"Not if you're dead." Liara grit out, drawing a brief, surprised look from the woman.
"Uh…what?" Shepard hopped off the weapon bench where she'd been sitting and to her feet.
Liara only closed the distance further, moving within an inch or two of the woman. "What in the Goddess' name inspired you to pit your life against a krogan battlemaster's?" she spoke, her words hurried and steely.
Shepard, to her credit or misfortune, didn't seem affected and merely shrugged. "I had promised Wrex a sparring session. I got it out of the way, I learned a bit from him. Everything's fine." The woman said, turning her gaze away from Liara to somewhere else in the room.
Liara took hold of the woman's face and pulled her gaze back to her, not nearly finished. "Do not treat me like a simpleton! You just so happen to decide to spar with Wrex after a mission where a number of lives were lost? One related to Torfan? You were angry!" Liara asserted, finding a strange enjoyment in the commander's intense glare. She needed the woman to understand. What specifically, she wasn't certain yet, but she knew getting a reaction was a first step.
"Damn right I was angry, but it's taken care of." Shepard said, a low, warning tone to her voice which Liara instantly dismissed. It was Shepard walking away that she couldn't. You will NOT walk away from me, Shepard! She thought, storming after the human, who was striding quickly into the elevator.
"Am I to take comfort in the childish manner of which you solved your 'problem'? Someone called you a name and you decided that throwing a tantrum and being self-destructive was the solution? Wrex could have killed you!" Liara yelled, furious at the stubborn woman. She ignored the appreciative grunt from across the cargo bay and kept her eyes locked on the radiant, blazing hazel eyes of the commander. She heard the elevator doors enclose them as the machine activated.
"I wouldn't let him do me in, Liara. I've fought krogan before." Shepard stated, vehemently denying her accusation.
"You expect me to believe you when you obviously still cannot stop a krogan's fist, despite your history." She retorted, earning an incensed look from the commander,
"Just shut up, Liara. You've probably done more research on the effects of punches to the face than you've experienced them. I don't need you telling me what my body can and can't do." The woman growled, though the attack on her profession was meaningless. She wasn't aware of anyone who studied the effects of punches, in specific, to the face. Krogan fists against human faces seemed even less likely. She wouldn't even spend the time later to see if there had been a study done.
"The same body that you refused to listen to as it withered away? That I had to rescue?" she asked, prodding the woman in the chest with each question.
Shepard spun away, resting her hands against the elevator walls at it continued its groaning trek upward. "That's not fair! I was fine before the cipher…making my mind more prothean might…you know…hurt my brain? Put me in danger?" the commander reasoned, but Liara couldn't accept the lack of focus she was placing on her state before the cipher.
"You looked exhausted! You WERE exhausted, and your body was already at its breaking point. It is only just now starting to recover, and you decided to put your life at risk foolishly!" Liara yelled, sounding louder in the small confines of the elevator. The control panel flashed green as the elevator came to a surprising halt. She was not sure how the thing had managed to make its ascent so quickly, but there Shepard was, evacuating it quickly, assuredly heading to her room. Liara once again chased after the woman, who shot a disgruntled look over her shoulder at the asari as she reached the commander's office.
"I get it, you're angry at me. You don't agree with what I did. Why are you still following me?" Shepard asked, sounding more frustrated than angry as Liara walked in and positioned herself in the center of the room.
"I will keep talking and following you until you realize that there is a galaxy at stake." Liara spoke, each word tinged with the fury roiling inside of her.
Shepard, in one swift motion, pulled her chestplate off and flung it at the wall, a sharp crack sounding through the room. "I KNOW!" Shepard yelled, eyes closed and knuckles white as she gripped the nearby table's edge. "I'm doing my best!" the woman continued, stripping off more pieces of her armor until she was clad in her bodysuit.
"You're not being your best, though!" Liara retorted sharply, drawing a wince from the woman. She took no pleasure in it, but merely hoped she was finally getting through to the woman.
"It's a lot harder than you think it is, Liara." Shepard said, her voice now dulled, as she began unzipping her bodysuit. Liara turned away, giving the commander some privacy as she went to change.
"Then enlighten me." Liara asked, perhaps demanded. In return, she received only a sigh and the wet rubbery sound of the bodysuit hitting the floor.
"Shepard?" she asked, frustrated at the lack of response. A light click and the faded sound of running water followed her words. When she turned, Shepard's armor was all that remained, the woman having escaped into the shower. "We are not done speaking." Liara muttered, sitting down on the end of the woman's bed.
Liara hadn't planned on Shepard escaping into the shower, and wasn't sure what to do. Her heart was racing, the feeling in her chest felt as if she were sinking as it throbbed deep within her core. She wanted the woman to realize she had to be serious about the mission, but she wasn't sure to what end. She didn't know exactly what she wanted Shepard to do, but putting herself in danger seemed to be a terrifyingly horrible idea that she couldn't stomach. Liara was certain that Shepard was the best chance of her getting her mother back alive, that she was as good a candidate as any to find and eliminate Saren. Do I really need to be so harsh with her? Am I merely letting my fear lash out at her? I… her thoughts were interrupted as she went to lean back on the bed, her hand brushing up against something hard in the process.
Liara looked behind her and spotted a strange rectangular block of solid brown material, wrapped in a plastic sleeve. She picked it up, looked it over, and opened the seal to take a smell. Immediately, her eyes bulged at the aroma the block gave off, surprised at how delightful it smelled. She was certain it wasn't an air freshener by how it was sealed, despite the woman's apparent joy for smelling of food, and decided it was indeed edible. Cautiously, she brought it to her mouth and took a small bite, savouring the rich, creamy texture and the vibrant, sweet taste of it. I must obtain more of this! Or…perhaps a recipe so I can create it myself…she thought, taking a larger bite.
The food distracted her for a number of minutes as she slowly milled away at it, her mood calming down to her usual temperament. The ache in her chest continued to throb as she thought of what she'd done, and the position she'd put Shepard in. I should not have been so mean…I should be helping her through her trouble, not just condemning her for reacting a specific way. I…was just so worried for her. I was worried for mother…I would not be able to save her alone…I need Shepard's help.
She knew that while those were the main reasons, her motivations branched out further, adding fuel to her initial frustration. She'd wanted to be taken on the mission when Shepard had restricted the ground team to biotics. I had wanted to accompany her on the mission…it was seemingly minor and…and I felt I had earned her trust. Perhaps I took it personally…Kaidan and Wrex are far more experienced in such matters. I should not have expected a place at her side. Perhaps…I was simply trying to get a better glimpse at her past, and was upset when I was denied…I do let my curiosity rule me at times…
She gave a sigh, biting off more of the tasty food as she chided herself. She knew that the woman's encounter with an old ally from Torfan would result in more than someone 'calling her names', as she'd stated previously. She knew the commander was still affected by the mission, and despite knowing that, still attacked her in such a way. I will have to apologize to her later, I should not have…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds from the shower halting, the door cracking open just enough for a slick arm to fish a towel from a nearby pile. Her words of apology held in her throat as she watched the woman slip out of the tiny space; to Liara's fortune the woman was facing away from her, patting herself dry with a second, smaller towel as the larger purple-coloured one wrapped snugly around her torso, its lower boundary cutting off tantalizingly on the upper reaches of her thighs.
Liara felt the rich brown food rest against her lips as she silently took in the sights of the woman, humming some unknown melody to herself, bending over at the waist to dry off her legs. Her eyes widened, her blush deepened, and her teeth bit into her lips slightly as Shepard's towel rode up past her hips; offering Liara a full look of the commander's most enticing features, in her mind. Goddess… she thought, mouthing the words absently as Shepard unfastened the towel from her torso and began using it to dry her hair fur, exposing a terrible network of angry-looking scars stretching from the woman's shoulders down to her lower back. By the Goddess…
She hadn't heard herself gasp, but she must have, as Shepard blurted out some unintelligible slur, losing balance and tripping on a towel in her shock. Liara watched the woman slip on a wet area of the floor, tumble to the ground amidst her armor, towels, and change of clothes, and look up at her in disbelief with wild eyes.
"What the fucking Christ! Do you…" the woman raged, untangling herself from the mess of towels and tossing on a sleeveless top that did little to hide the woman's favourable assets. Her hazel eyes were blazing like the time she had refused treatment in the med-bay, but her anger and tension quickly dissipated as she looked at Liara, seemingly baffled at the asari. "Are you eating my chocolate bark?"
Liara realized the food resting against her lips and nervously took another nibble and glance, giving a slight nod as her eyes darted away in shame. I shouldn't have taken a bite but…Goddess, it smelled so good! And it tastes so good! Oh, I've made such a mess of things! she thought, sealing the rest of the food up and hurriedly placing it beside her.
From the corner of her eye, she watched the woman silently clean up the mess near the shower stall and slip on a garment that hardly covered the area it was designed for. She wasn't about to complain, her gaze turning ever so slowly to observe her, but merely felt like questioning the efficiency of it in comparison to the skin-tight gym-wear that had covered from her waist down to her mid thigh that one day. This piece of clothing just seems…frivolous…unlike the clothing covering her upper body that…rather compliments her…quite nicely, I might add…
She forced her gaze away as the woman finished her work and slowly made her way over to the bed, sitting lazily beside Liara.
They sat in silence for a time, though not without Liara struggling to find a question that would promote discussion once more. She sensed that she'd hurt the commander and did not wish for such pain to linger. However, she also felt that she was right in questioning her actions, and didn't want to outright apologize and promote such reckless behavior.
"How did you get your scars?" she asked quietly, her hand pawing at the chocolate's packaging, wanting desperately for another bite.
"That's really none of your business, Doctor." Shepard said flatly, her hands resting on her knees as she slightly leaned forward, her hair fur hiding her face from the asari.
Liara's first reaction was to press for more details. It was rare that her curiosity couldn't be sated, and she didn't quite like being denied answers. Her mind kicked in for a number of seconds, changing the demanding retort she'd had on her tongue. "You…people…can only take so much abuse before they break, Shepard."
"I've lived a long life, Doctor. People have said that to me before and I haven't met my boundary yet." The woman practically sighed, her body still as a statue beside Liara. She couldn't help but wish Shepard would call her by her name again. They had enjoyed a wonderful time together just a day prior, and she'd since changed their relationship, for a lack of a better word, for the worse. "It was just a spar." Shepard finished, sounding more than a little defeated, which confused her. She wasn't sure why the woman wasn't lashing out angrily at her for acting as she had, for remaining in her space. It was Shepard's ship, and she knew she had no right to be where the woman didn't want her.
"I don't care about the spar, Shepard. I care…I…" she fought for the words she wanted to say, but she wasn't certain what she was trying to say.
"You care about me saving your mother so you two can go live happily ever after. I know." Shepard interrupted, a slight edge to her voice this time. Despite the woman's statement being accurate, it wasn't what she'd wanted to say. Or, more accurately, all that she'd wanted to say. She just wanted Shepard to be alright. Liara was certain that if she was, then everything else would fall into place. Yet, as days passed, some of those other concerns held less and less priority.
"That's not fair. The reapers and Saren are a threat to everyone." Liara argued, Shepard finally moving somewhat, her head dipping slightly in a nod.
"And it's a damn large burden. For some idiotic reason, they chose me to bear it." The woman spoke, startling Liara somewhat. She imagined Shepard would be pleased to take on the mission, rather than upset.
"You were chosen for the same reason you were made a Spectre, Shepard. You're a hero." She said kindly, hoping the compliment would brighten the woman's mood, maybe bring a smile to her face. Instead, a cold laugh filled the room as Shepard's body shook.
The woman turned and faced Liara, her face still glistening from the shower, offering a disappointed frown. "If you believe that, then you're the childish one who needs to grow up, Liara."
She quirked her head to the side, confused over the woman's assertion. "Shepard, I have seen you in battle, I have seen your determination, your skill, your commitment to protecting lives where possible. I have…read about your actions in Elysium, and Torfan, and some other missions, and…" Liara began, her voice cracking to a halt as the woman turned away once more.
"You read up on me?" Shepard's words bore frustration Liara could understand. As if reading her mind, the woman continued, her disappointment quite audible. "Why didn't you wait… like you said you would?"
Liara felt a barrage of thoughts race through her mind, wanting to control whatever damage she'd done to the best of her ability. "I…I did not want to make a fool of myself in front of you, and I…I was curious. I was not sure you would tell me everything if I asked."
"Of course I wouldn't tell you if I wasn't ready." Shepard spoke, her words more pained this time, which only caused a terrible pang of guilt in her chest. She'd never wanted to hurt Shepard. Liara lowered her eyes to her lap; she also didn't know how to make it better.
"I…I only meant to tell you that you were chosen for good reason. On Elysium, you were on vacation…no armor, no weapons, and you still performed great heroics. You…" Liara rambled out, unsure of what to say, and merely letting words spill out when they came. Shepard interrupted her train of thought, moving off the bed and across the floor, pacing in front the table on the other side of the room.
"You need to stop using that word." The woman spoke slowly, her face often hidden behind the curtains of hair fur, only slightly coming into view as she pivoted. "Heroes are fairy-tale crap."
Liara's eyebrows perked up, not understanding what a fairy-tale was, but understanding what fecal matter was and how the word was used by humans to depreciate or invalidate things. She slowly made her way to her feet and, step by step, closer to the agitated woman.
Noticing Liara had moved, Shepard stopped and shook her head, a small grin curling at her lips. "And now you're curious and want to know why. Of course. Who am I to refuse?" She said in annoyance, chiding herself for luring the asari in. Shepard shifted her gaze directly into Liara's eyes, urging her for a response. Liara simply nodded sheepishly, spurring her into motion as the woman closed the distance between the two, moving within inches of her.
"Heroes, Liara…people assume heroes are these glorious and honourable avatars of their race, their species, their culture…that they have great morals, great reasoning abilities that allow them to use their skills to protect and better those they're fighting for." Shepard said, her breath hot against Liara's face. Liara remained silent, taking a step backward away from her, only for the human to match it, retaining the distance. "Those heroes don't exist outside of stories, tales for children, and propaganda. They're not real."
Liara took another step backward, not understanding why Shepard was standing so close, and was again closed in upon by her. She continued her slow path backward as the woman continued her explanation, her rant. "The heroes in those stories don't have to bury their friends or loved ones personally. They don't watch their friends melt from acid, they don't watch them be burnt alive. They don't have to visit those friends' families and explain why they're still alive and their children, siblings, parents aren't. They don't have to apologize for living." Shepard continued, her eyes blazing like Liara had never seen, impossible to break contact with. "Reality's a bitter pill, and behind that hero façade, those 'heroes' might not have friends and family to return to, to fight for. They don't always have bright futures to fight for, a happy ending like all the stories give people with their title. They don't always leave the same person as they came in."
Ever so slowly, they moved back into the recesses of the room, Shepard seemingly growing closer, her head leaning ever so slightly forward. "People assume there are these majestic heroes, they assume what these heroes are like, and they thrust that title on anyone they see fit. These people aren't expected to be hurt, damaged after going through hell, but most of these people…most of them are only called heroes because they survived." Shepard continued, putting emphasis on the last word, matching another of Liara's steps. "They were the lucky ones. Maybe they tossed aside their morals to stay alive. Maybe they let their friends die, maybe they refused to help because it was too dangerous. Too risky. Maybe they were selfish. Maybe they let their morals get in the way. Maybe they left that horrific event mentally broken, but heroes aren't expected to have to pick up the pieces, are they? They aren't allowed that luxury."
Liara felt the back of her legs hit the bed mid-step and fell back onto the mattress and sheets, looking up as Shepard loomed over her. She could see the hurt and the anger on the woman's face clearly. She'd heard it in her voice and she'd seen it in her eyes, but she hadn't noticed the fear until just then.
"Heroes, Liara, are pushed back into the fray, into harder missions with less preparation and support, because heroes aren't seen as real. People always expect them to endure, they're more symbolic than anything. They achieve victory and it's undermined with the entitlement of their superiors, as if it were a sure thing, as if it was no trouble to achieve. Their lives are whitewashed with something called 'greatness', and if they fail, they're spat on and degraded from their final effort to live up to those impossible standards that ultimately became them." Shepard continued, tears brimming at her eyes, her body shaking slightly. The woman's gaze was the only part of her that held its resolve as her words softly spilled out. "Their lives from being made a hero and onward are covered up as something other than what it really is. A rotting corpse waiting for the death rattle of the reaper to catch up. There's no cure for that disease once you've caught it, except death. I just don't want to be reminded of that every time I look at you. Not you."
Liara looked up at Shepard for a while, staring into the pain that filled her hazel eyes, not having anticipated such an outlook from the woman, not having expected the emotional response she'd received. She wasn't certain how long she'd held the gaze when Shepard slowly turned away and plopped down on the edge of the bed nearby, running a shaky hand through the wet curls of her hair fur.
"So I guess you've read the stories, you know what happened, you think I'm a hero." Shepard muttered in annoyance. "You don't know me."
Liara sat up on the bed and shuffled toward the woman. Her heart pounded as she placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder; she'd listened to the entire rant, she'd learned more about the woman by staring into her eyes for the past few minutes than in any other condensed period of time, and she wasn't about to take such easy bait. Or, perhaps, I will…Liara realized, as she swiftly pulled Shepard down onto her back and held her there.
"You won't allow me to. You won't allow anyone." Liara said firmly, straddling the woman and holding her arms behind her head for the brief, half-hearted struggle Shepard put up.
The human lay underneath her, staring up at her with confusion and what seemed to be embarrassment, blushing furiously. It took a great deal of willpower for her to move her gaze from a distracting piece of hair-fur draped down into the woman's cleavage. Impulsively, Liara pushed her weight on Shepard, using the opportunity to free a hand and lift the hair away, placing it off to the side; she gladly took advantage of the situation to selfishly re-adjust the article of clothing that had been pulled slightly out of place by her maneuver. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and the last thing I would want is to damage this nice shirt of hers… she thought, as she shifted her eyes back up to the hazel set she'd been so focused on before, and her hands back to the woman's arms. "It…it's better that way. What's in my head should…should stay there…people like you don't need to see that." The woman said dismissively, but there wasn't enough conviction in her voice to convince her. She sounded far too distracted. Her breath was labored slightly, making her suspect the woman wasn't quite telling the truth, and was just as bad a liar as she was.
"People like me?" she asked with mock curiosity, swiftly applying singularities to the woman's hands to hold them in place. Shepard's face took on a crimson tint, her eyes glancing away nervously as Liara brought her hands to the woman's face, wiping thick strands of the hair fur aside that she assumed were lying uncomfortably across Shepard's face. "If calling you a hero is naïve, then so is calling me innocent, Shepard."
The human let out an expletive she'd never heard of before her teeth bit down on her lip, turning her head to the side as she seemed to be gathering her thoughts. Liara pressed on, leaning closer to the woman. Her hand reached down, gently took hold of Shepard's head, and pulled it back to her; her thumb absently stroking the woman's scarred cheek. "You may not be proud of what you did on Torfan, but do not let it be used in destroying you." She spoke softly, enjoying the calmer expression on the woman's face. She didn't want Shepard to be hurt by the past, and was hoping she was doing some good in helping her realize she didn't have to let it anchor her.
"Liara…" Shepard started, eyes half-lidded and head arched slightly closer to hers. Liara watched the woman's face expectantly, waiting for her to find what she wanted to say; after a moment or two, the woman's eyes opened slightly and seemed to find some clarity before darting off to the side nervously, her throat swallowing back her words for a moment before continuing yet again. "I'm… fine with what I did on Torfan. That…that's the worst part."
To say the words were surprising would be putting it lightly; Liara's focus on the singularities fizzled due to shock, letting the humans arms drop slack against the mattress, curiously not moving to a more comfortable position. She sought out the woman's forlorn, half-lidded eyes for an answer and received none. She looked to the woman's bruised, swollen lips for a response and, after a delay, was sated.
"You should understand, Liara. You spent your life studying the protheans, and then I came along. One freak accident later and most of your life's work was made irrelevant." Shepard sighed, her downcast expression and her body's strangely increased tension underneath her showing it was something that the woman had thought about more than once.
Liara pulled Shepard up into a sitting position, moving her hand from the woman's cheek to the back of her neck as she repositioned herself in her lap; she couldn't help but pause midway as her thumb grazed the corner of Shepard's jaw, sending a visible shiver through the woman. She made a mental note of it and began a light massage of the tight muscles on her neck, bringing the other hand to the back of Shepard's scalp and gently putting her hands to work within the thick mane of hair fur. She'd seen up close how it had relaxed Shepard at Tevos' home, and decided the woman had dealt with far too much tension that day. It took only seconds for her to be satisfied with her decision, seeing the woman's eyes close reflexively; a light, wordless moan escaping her lips as Liara worked out the knots and gently caressed her scalp.
"I admit it was slightly disheartening to know that some of my research was now less useful, or rendered entirely obsolete, but I took heart in knowing that what I thought about the prothean's extinction was correct. No effort is ever entirely wasted, Shepard." Liara spoke softly, taking a moment to take enjoyment in the fact that Shepard was comfortable enough with her to let her administer a massage. The woman had, not long before, been quite opposed to touch from any asari. And I have helped her overcome such discomfort…perhaps with help from Sha'ira, I imagine, even if she was callous in her methods…she has opened herself far more quickly than I could have ever hoped. The thought brought a smile to her face, which only widened as Shepard's forehead softly pressed forward gently into Liara's, the commander leaning fully into her touch as she continued her ministrations.
"And what do you think about me, about what I might have done? Are you willing to put it at risk to satisfy your curiosity?" Shepard asked, seemingly trying to sound serious, though Liara's touch had reduced her voice to something of a purr. She had never heard the woman speak in such a way, and she couldn't help but blush at the slight effect she was having on Shepard.
Liara had never particularly enjoyed all of the lessons and programs and gatherings her mother once arranged, meant to shape her into a future leader of the asari; the idea of holding such power and authority seemed stifling along with the expectations and responsibilities involved. Her disinterest had been rooted in that as much as how dry and superficial much of it seemed. She'd trusted her mother to navigate that terrain with grace; her mother was a strong enough asari to add life and wholeness to such a position. She had never believed herself capable of anything remotely close to such an experience before, yet there she was, holding power over the galaxy's newest Spectre. A small, subtle power, perhaps, but power nonetheless…and with just touch and some massaging. Humans are interesting…
"What are you asking of me?" Liara openly wondered, drawing another satisfied moan from the human, whose hands tenderly, timidly grasped Liara's waist and the small of her back, and pulled her closer.
"I'll show you Torfan if you want." Shepard whispered, her voice still purring but breathier that time, her eyes opening and immediately finding Liara's. She paused momentarily, taking in the woman's radiant irises; all their shining browns and sea greens were more vibrant than she could recall.
Liara stopped her massage, bringing her hands to cup the woman's face gently, putting inches of space between them. "Are you ready? Are you sure?" she asked softly, earning a small but resolute nod. "Is this what you want?" she asked finally, receiving a slower nod after a delay.
Liara brushed a few newly fallen curls of hair fur out of the woman's face and took a deep breath, returning a hand to Shepard's cheek once more as she closed her eyes. If I witness something awful, I will only have myself to blame…please let myself remember that when the meld ends… she thought to herself, caressing the woman's cheek a few more time as she prepared herself for what she was about to undergo.
She opened her eyes, meeting a pair of determined hazel orbs with her onyx-black ones.
"Embrace eternity."
A/N: Alright, so I'm a bit fiendish. This chapter kind of got away from me, and as I continued it, I felt like adding a fairly visible element to it…well, something Liara might not have understood (poor, poor Shepard), but I'm sure you all caught on, yes? I hope it wasn't TOO unbelievable. I was kind of playing on the "Liara gets in her 'one track mind' zone and is super oblivious" like when she was first brought into the comm. room after Therum. Didn't think it was too much of a stretch for her to forget that humans are usually quite modest about their bodies, and that while Shep had made progress regarding touch, touch also means more, has more associations to it, with humans. And of course, we all know Shep's past dreams, and when all of that's added up…you get the above. Hope it flies. I felt like adding some fluff after some hard days' work, and didn't feel like it would impact the progression of the fic much at all.
Anywho, that's Presrop! Next destination: flashback city! HOORAY! :D Or not. It's Sad-Bad-Torfan-Land, after all. Not sure how much of it I'll cover, but I'll cover enough.
Managed to be something of a juggernaut today and got 90% of what I needed to get done…done. And then I wrote this chapter. So now I get to laugh (maniacally , mind you) myself to sleep and have a restful last day of winter break. It's been fun! I hope you all have had fun these past few weeks. :)
So once again, thank you to everyone who's been super incredibly awesome and decided to read my stories. You're all fantastic, I assure you! And to those of you who review my chapters, all my love to you too! Thank you all for the alerts and favourites, for everything. While I do write this fic for myself, you all motivate me to churn it out faster, and to be a little more playful and meticulous :D
Anywho, I hope your Sunday fares well, and I hope you have a wonderful start to your week! Next chapter…Late this week. It'll have some action (which takes longer for me to write), and I have school and a few important things to handle this coming week…so the time I'll have to write will be shortened. But it shall be done, and I hope this was enough to tide you over.