Ashley had always been a morning person; she enjoyed working as the sun was rising, the star's warmth slowly warming the air and casting the night away. It had been something she'd look forward to each day when she was stationed on Eden Prime. From her weapons bench, she could always spot the sun rising over the arcologies, and it had brightened her day. On the Normandy, she was never treated to such sights and, on that morning in particular, couldn't help but wish she were groundside somewhere. She missed the sky above her, the wind through the trees, the rain, the snow, the look out her room's window as a child. She missed Amaterasu and her family. It's been too long…
Her brief talk with Shepard the previous day did her some good; she'd been excited to learn Shepard lived only an hour away from the rest of her family, and secretly hoped that the commander would let her hitch a ride back to Amaterasu after the mission. Ashley couldn't be happier that she was finally stationed on a ship, finally killing the Williams curse, but it had caused her to be out of the loop when it came to her sisters. Shepard had offered to arrange for a family reunion of sorts the next time the Normandy docked at the Citadel, but Ashley knew her sisters would likely be very busy, and prying them away from their studies or work would prove as futile as separating herself from duty. She was part of a wonderfully stubborn family and took pride in that.
Unfortunately for Ashley, there was something attempting to pry her away from her duty that morning, or rather, someone. She heard the sound of his steps nearby and knew the turian was about to interrupt her work yet again. Rolling her eyes, she turned around and caught him as he was about to speak.
"Garrus, what is it this time?" Ashley asked, more than a little annoyed that the former C-Sec officer had been pestering her throughout her shift. She saw the guilty look on his face and felt a little bad, even if he had been a thorn in her side that morning. His duties were split between the Mako and the ship's battery, but the tank had been repaired for days, and the battery had been calibrated to the point where it would be foolish to try and squeak more efficiency, which the turian had attempted to do the past number of days. He's restless and bored out of his mind, Ash. Give him a break…even if he IS being a pest.
"I, uh…was just curious. There's something I don't understand about you humans." Garrus said, sounding a little embarrassed. Ashley placed her hands on her hips, shifting her weight to one leg, and gave as stereotypical of a 'this had better be good' look as she could manage.
"Go on, I'm listening." She spoke, giving him a chance to air yet another trivial question or remark. She imagined it would have to do with the Mako again. He'd made remarks the whole morning about its design, and how much more efficient it would be if turians had gotten their hands on it.
"Humans have…talons. But they're short and blunt. What's the point?" Garrus asked, seemingly baffled. Ashley wondered how much thought he'd put into it and held back a laugh as the turian continued. "I mean, what can you even do with them?"
Ashley half-turned back to her weapons table and quickly re-assembled the rifle she'd been working on, tossing it to Garrus as she finished. "Our fingers are smaller, and we have more of them. Gives us more precision than your bulky talons." Ashley responded in a matter-of-fact tone. "We can reach into smaller spaces, grab hold of more complex objects."
"But when you were evolving, there's no way those would work against a beast! You have no natural defenses, or natural ways of attacking. I'm just…confused at how you made it to the top of the food chain." Garrus said as he started to pace, visibly confused and flustered.
Ashley shook her head and gave a sigh. "Garrus, you don't always need claws and plated skin. We had brains. We found and made weapons for ourselves." She said, leaning back against her table, crossing her arms.
"So you're saying you were lucky enough to live on a planet with dumb animals that couldn't hurt you back?" Garrus asked, scoffing at Williams' statement.
"We had plenty of animals that were a threat to us, but we'd adapt. We'd find ways to hunt and kill those animals, and use their claws, teeth, bones and whatever against them." Ashley said, giving Garrus a cross look.
The turian shook his head animatedly and flourished his hand slightly as if he were about to speak, but paused for a number of long, annoying moments. "But you're not built for war." He said, sounding as if he regretted the words coming out of his mouth.
"You're saying that with me here, and Shepard onboard? LT even?" Ashley asked in disbelief, trying to restrain her anger and pride as she continued. "Tell that to the men and women who fought in the first contact war…you know, our first space war with an alien species, which we won. You know the one."
"I think it's fair to say no one won that war, Williams." Garrus stated quickly, shooting her a stern look. "It was a stupid bunch of overreactions, misunderstandings, and bad decisions all around."
Ashley pushed herself off the bench and strode closer to the turian. "And we still went toe to toe with you almighty turians. I think it's safe to say we're built for war."
"Maybe…" Garrus said quietly, his head ducking slightly. "I…overheard your discussion with Shepard yesterday. It…got me thinking."
Ashley felt her heart-rate accelerate and her temper come to a head. The turian had been all the way across the cargo bay at the time, and would have had to have strained to hear. Knowing someone was listening to the two's private conversation, especially about things she didn't want getting around the ship, incensed her.
"You did what?!" she yelled, thrusting a finger onto his armored chest angrily. "You had no right to eavesdrop on something like that!"
Garrus quickly backed away, his arms up in the air, although it did little to push aside her fury. "Look, I'm sorry, I have good hearing and I heard Shepard mention the relay 314 incident. I just remember studying it, and seeing how different our military tactics are. We turians believe in total war, but you humans…you work differently. It's just hard to imagine how you can succeed in battle when so many of your leaders have had such different tactical styles." He said, his flanged voice taking on an apologetic, softer tone. "I heard about your grandfather and I found his decision…fascinating."
Ashley held her steely gaze on the turian and tried to calm herself down. Hard to do when a turian's ribbing you over the damn war!
"Why, because he gave the turians what they wanted? He gave up?" Ashley asked, her face flushing a little over the shame she felt for letting herself get so emotional, especially over something she'd thought about for years. "You think he decided we're inferior to you?"
Garrus flinched, his expression and body language turning more aggressive. "What?! No! He was the only human to surrender, and that was interesting. Your people were throwing soldiers into impossible tasks for a while on Shanxi, and I thought it was ludicrous! I could respect the soldiers for doing their duty, and they had honour, but their leaders were so…unaccountable! Wasting lives on offenses that could do nothing but fail, not even delay!" the turian ranted, hands waving around slightly in frustration at the odd word or two. "Your grandfather had the damn sensibility, the mindset for war, to not waste lives pointlessly."
Ashley turned on her heel and marched back to her bench, not wanting to hear what the turian had to say, but also not wanting him to have the last word. "I thought all you turians were for self-sacrifice and doing what needs to be done? Maybe you can calibrate the damn airlock."
She heard Garrus stomp back up to her, and felt her hands grip the table so tightly it hurt.
"There was nothing he could have done, and any sacrifices would have been for nothing! He was outnumbered almost thirty to one, and we were propelling debris down onto city blocks to kill handfuls of your people… there was nothing else he could do but let everyone die! He had the decency and accountability to make the right call, and your idiotic military shamed him for it? Dishonoured him for it? That's absurd! He made and owned his decision, and I just have a hard time imagining humans are built for war when they kick minds like his out of leadership positions. You humans need more like him so you can have more good soldiers around to help if Saren comes back with his army." The turian continued his rant, confusing Ashley. She wasn't sure what to make of his words. She wanted to believe he was supportive of her grandfather because it was a victory for his people, but he struck a chord with her in regards to him owning the decision. Her grandfather had rarely discussed the mission, or his alliance career after the event, but she hadn't heard of him regretting the decision. The Williams family was stubborn like that.
Ashley looked to her desk and the rest of the unassembled parts scattered about it, and realized her anger was quickly fading. She never hated her grandfather for what he did, and she never hated the Alliance for how they responded. She just had never wanted it to come between her and her duty, and it was at least somewhat reassuring to know she had someone other than Shepard who was at least a little on her side.
"I've got to get back to work, Garrus." Ashley stated, her voice flat, slightly tired. "But I understand what you're saying. I…appreciate it."
As she began re-assembling Tali's shotgun, having inserted a new set of mods the quarian had requested, she heard him slink back to his boredom, hoping he wouldn't bug her again while she was on duty.
Liara found Shepard in the comm room the next morning; after she had made her way back to the lab, she'd noticed a message from Tevos, stating the councilor would request a live communication with her an hour or so afterward. Almost immediately, her heart had leapt up into her throat, or so it had seemed. She hadn't expected her aunt to have responded so quickly, considering her request for correspondence wasn't the least bit urgent, in the grand scheme of things. Quickly, she had taken a shower, gotten dressed, and planned to prepare a series of questions in the comm room while waiting for the transmission. When she'd arrived, the sight of Shepard curled into a ball, her neck twisted at an uncomfortable looking angle, had brought the ache in her chest back in full force. She looks troubled…
The woman had shown her so much the previous night, and she still wasn't entirely sure what to make of it all. It had been a brutal, violent, disgusting trial to undergo, and she found she had many questions about the nature and aftermath of the mission. What she struggled to build questions around were Shepard's actions upon meeting the ring-leaders.
Liara had a few pet theories that had come to mind, although she still couldn't commit to them, due to a lack of detail. She had heard the woman perform an act of revenge upon someone from her past with what she imagined was her knife; combining that story with Torfan, she could only assume both the slavers and the instigators from her past used similar methodology. Methodology that she witnessed scattered across Shepard's back. Could I find it in myself to loathe her for such brutality when it is what she has known? What she has endured? I…I do not condone such violence, but…I can at least understand her reaction and why she may have done such a thing. I have seen her, talked to her…she is not evil. Simply…flawed.
She had gently woken the woman and sent her on her way after having retrieved a blanket for her to cover up with; she knew humans tended to be more modest and cover their bodies, and hoped her offer would make up for how little concern she placed on that the prior night. Although I do prefer her in that odd shirt, over her regular military fatigues. Though, it is likely nothing more than her bed clothes. Still…it flatters her…oh what is my problem? I should not be focusing on such trivial things. She is not on this mission so that I can admire her figure. I have more important things to think about!
A mere twenty minutes later saw Shepard walking lazily back into the smallish circular room, drawing Liara's curiosity once more.
"Commander…is there something you need?" she asked the human woman, who plopped down onto the same chair she had been sleeping in and gave a small yawn.
"Got a message from Tevos, she wants to talk to me." Shepard noted nonchalantly, though the simple phrase captured Liara's complete attention.
She couldn't imagine why the councilor would want to speak to both at the same time, and she desperately hoped she hadn't brought the commander any trouble. If she has brought Shepard into this discussion due to the nature of my message and my ailment…I predict our discussion will be rather awkward. I hope it is unrelated…
"Did you sleep well, Shepard?" Liara asked as she sat across from the woman, not enjoying the growing silence between them.
"Not really, no. But thanks for asking, I guess." Shepard replied, her focus entirely on the terminal at the front of the room.
"I…was hoping you could answer a few questions…about Torfan." Liara said nervously, her eyes set on Shepard, who kept staring off at the end of the room. She sensed a budding tension between them, and hoped she hadn't done anything wrong. Perhaps she has had more bad dreams…I am sure that could be why she is so distant.
"Go ahead, ask." The woman said tiredly, stretching and letting out one of the delightful wordless sounds of satisfaction that made Liara's heart beat harder in her chest.
She pushed her focus away from the woman and to the thoughts she'd been conjuring. "The mission seemed…to be frank, ludicrous. Amateurish. Foolish. It did not seem as if your leadership cared whether you lived. I do not understand why the mission would be overseen in such a manner." She said, hoping desperately for an answer. It was the question that had lingered the entire morning, only gaining strength as she thought of it more.
"Yeah. It took a while to find out whatever details I could…Eriksson helped. So did one of my old COs, who had some friends in high places. Apparently…" the woman started, pausing for a number of moments, shaking her head as she continued. "Apparently the Alliance found out about a certain slave… some asari celebrity's child that the people running Torfan captured. From what I understand, they had given Kyle and a few other soldiers some datapads with this asari's info on it. It seemed like when we lost, and the batarians learned they were holding someone that important…they'd contact the family…who the Alliance had probably already contacted beforehand. All, supposedly, leading up to a hopeful surge of support for the Alliance in their attempt to get this celebrity's daughter back. Maybe the Alliance would be cleared to build more ships, expand to batarian space with the help of the council…I'm not real sure. It seemed like a bullshit plan."
Liara sat back on her chair, realizing she was nearly perched on the edge of it. Shepard's breakdown seemed horrifyingly plausible. She recalled the missing asari on the news. Xelyna's daughter…she was rescued, though…
"But that child was rescued, was she not?" Liara asked, confused.
"Yeah, Krauss had intel on her and got her on the first shuttle back. Alliance brought her to her family, got some nice PR, fabricated a story about Torfan having had a self-destruction mechanism, and ultimately didn't earn a lot of support. Citadel seemed to think the Alliance could handle itself well after Torfan, and decided to shut down the requests for more lenient caps on ships and territory expansion." Shepard explained, her unwillingness to make eye contact frustrating Liara.
"So those slaves died for nothing? The Alliance…promotes such brutality?" Liara asked quietly, feeling ill over the knowledge that so many tortured lives were sacrificed.
"You tell me, doc. I had nothing to do with it. I couldn't do anything to stop it." Shepard noted darkly, her eyes narrowing their focus on the terminal. "I tried to do what was right. I tried to do what the Alliance promotes …or at least what they say they promote. After Torfan, I'm not sure that's enough. I've saved hundreds of lives with the Alliance, Liara. Probably thousands. But…after Torfan, I know that they don't always follow their own protocols and rules. So where do I fit? If those slaves died for nothing, and the Alliance killed them, and I'm Alliance, am I living a disgusting lie? Am I killing those people?"
Liara sent a light biotic throw at Shepard, knocking the woman back in her chair, finally drawing her attention to the asari. She was not in the mood to hear the woman question her character in such a way.
Liara held up her hand sternly as Shepard went to speak, hoping to make a point. "You were the reason some slaves lived from that torturous place, Shepard. I will not have you blaming yourself for what decisions others in your military have made. You saw their decisions and refused them. Do not hold yourself accountable." She spoke firmly, her left hand glowing with biotic energy. "When you scattered my theories on the protheans, I held to the fact that I felt I was doing the right research, that I was correct in my predictions. You must hold firm to your own ideology, Shepard. You try to do what is right, even at great risk. You are not them, and you represent something greater than them now. Take heart in that." Liara finished kindly, smiling inwardly as Shepard's glare softened, the woman's gaze departing Liara's once again.
The woman was silent for a number of minutes, just sitting across from her, but the tension had broken. The room was filled with a surprising calm, which Liara took comfort in.
"I saw those people in the cages and I couldn't help but think…those are the people who needed help the most. If I'd lived elsewhere as a kid, that could have been me. That could have been my sister, my friends, Joker, Tali…you. They took so much from so many and I couldn't stand it." Shepard spoke, her voice calm and steady. She knew the look in the woman's eyes, she's recognized that focus before. "I can't condone what they did. I signed up to keep people free from the horrors of life, and these people were gleefully exposing people to such things… breaking them down into things like me, and … worse. When I saw their faces, I couldn't keep myself in check."
Shepard brought her gaze from her own hands back to Liara and sighed, her eyes a spectacular sea green like Lake Jormullian on the cusp on summertime. It was not difficult returning her attention. "I don't blame you if you hate me for what I did to the torturer. It was disgusting, and I can't promise it won't happen again. I don't particularly care to give mercy to those without any. I can be monstrous, I can be cruel, and I'm fine doing those things so no one else has to. I know what I am…I just wanted you to know too."
Liara's eyes searched the human's for a time as she organized her words, wanting to say the right thing, but unable to formulate exactly what she wanted to. "Shepard…what you are does not interest me so much as…as who you are. You…you have been given a reputation not of your choosing, and perhaps it has tainted your history somewhat, but…I would not condemn you for such brutality, even if I do not condone it. You are not those actions, Shepard, you are not a mirror of others' brutality, and I believe you are more kind-hearted and honourable than you give yourself credit for."
Shepard readjusted herself in her seat nervously, breaking eye contact with Liara once more. "Yeah, well…"
"Shepard, I've got an encrypted channel waiting to get patched through. Looks like it might be the council." Joker announced from the overhead speakers. The commander got up from her chair, her eyes shifting to the terminal.
"I'll take it in here, Joker. Thanks." The woman spoke, moving up to the terminal, Liara quickly in tow.
She stood beside the woman, who looked slightly concerned and more than slightly nervous. Liara interrupted the human's nervous hands and gently took hold of one, giving it a light squeeze before releasing it. "You have a good heart, Shepard. Do not forget this."
Shepard's hand quickly lunged out and activated the transmission, bringing an orange holographic representation of Councilor Tevos before them.
"Commander Shepard, Liara, thank you for taking the time to respond to my request." Tevos stated, sounding pleased. Liara hoped her aunt was in a good mood. She knew her own had been lifted by her discussion with Shepard, seeing some invisible burden shift from the woman's shoulders.
"I can always make time for you, Councilor. What is it you wished to speak about?" Shepard asked, her posture becoming closer to that she would see in military parades. Liara wished the woman would relax, she knew Tevos would certainly not mind.
"At ease, Shepard. It is far too early here for formalities." Tevos said, an airy, melodic laugh filling the air. "I was hoping to discuss a few matters related to what was discovered on Feros. Specifically, indoctrination…I am aware you sent information regarding the Feros events to the Alliance, Shepard?"
Liara looked over at the woman, who looked as calm as ever. She wondered how the woman could simply change her demeanour so quickly.
"I sent information from the Exogeni facility to an Alliance team for decryption, and I have provided them with samples from the colonists, the thorian's nest, and the air for analysis. The colony was funded by the Alliance in part, and I felt it important to find out exactly what went on there, and what Exogeni was attempting to do. It seems pretty obvious to me, but there may have been some hidden research there that they could uncover related to Saren. If they return to me with some important findings, I'll be sure to pass them on, with the expectation that humanity not take a hit for what a private company has done." Shepard spoke, her reasoning understandable. Researching something as tremendous as the thorian was of great importance.
"I understand." Tevos said, giving Shepard a wary look. "And indoctrination?"
She watched Shepard's head shake at the mention. "Not enough data to do anything with. We're watching Shiala day and night, and she's been cooperative so far. I passed you all of the notes she wrote about it in the report, I hope it was thorough enough for you."
Tevos gave a sigh, her shoulders sagging forward ever so slightly. "Yes, it was quite…troubling. To think something could dominate a Matriarch's mind…especially one such as Benezia's…it seems impossible. Yet…Shiala insists it has happened. You are certain she is being truthful, Liara?"
Pleased to finally be included in the conversation, she gave a smile to her aunt, happy to provide a report on her old mentor and guardian. "She has been very forthcoming and remorseful. Considering that the thorian was capable of mind control, and so apparently is Saren's ship, her deduction that the thorian's initiation of control cancelled out the ship's is realistic. It also means that, in some manner, this process of indoctrination is reversible. How…we are unsure. We know so little."
"If you could forward data to me every other day regarding her, I would be pleased." Tevos stated, looking first at Liara, and then to Shepard with a harder stare. "And you have taken the proper measures to ensure Liara's safety, commander?"
Liara noticed Shepard startle slightly at the question before regaining her composure. "Yes. We are being very strict with regards to Shiala, and Liara is never alone with her. I've tested her on a number of occasions with no negative reaction. She seems pretty cured of indoctrination, if she had it in the first place. She gets some headaches, but a little painkillers and she's fine." Shepard spoke confidently, drawing a nod from Tevos. "So yes, Liara is absolutely safe aboard the Normandy. I do my best to prevent any harm coming to her."
Liara saw Tevos' eyes widen slightly, before she focused Shepard with a serious, firm stare.
"There is a difference between Liara being absolutely safe, and you merely trying to prevent harm, Shepard." Tevos said, her voice taking on a stern tone that reminded Liara of when she was a child and accidentally broke her bondmate's old vase.
"There was an instance where, because of how my mind was shutting down after the cipher, she initiated a meld. My mind was going a little haywire, and the process exhausted her. She needed a few hours of sleep to recover." Shepard said, the regret clear in her tone. Liara hadn't thought it important that she had been tired out from the meld, but the look on Shepard's face seemed to show the woman thought otherwise.
"Liara? You have melded with Shepard? You…initiated a meld…was she conscious?" Tevos asked, stunned. Out of anyone, Liara knew Tevos was aware that she preferred to meld with only the closest friends and family. She had anticipated it being a shock, especially with it not being consensual, and had wanted to break the news later, instead of earlier. Goddess…
"The commander's health was in jeopardy, I had no choice. She was…incapacitated, but I had no choice, please believe me!" Liara pleaded, feeling thankful as Tevos's expression eventually softened slightly, though her eyes bore deep into her, searching for something, but Liara wasn't sure what. "And I only slept a few hours. The second meld was not so tiring, I only required a nap."
Tevos startled at the revelation, staggering slightly on her feet. "You have melded twice?" Tevos asked in shock. Liara quickly spoke up before her aunt could recover.
"This one was consensual and…and it was important." Liara quickly explained, shrinking under the elder asari's gaze. "Please do not be upset with me."
The councilor's posture softened, a small smile curling at her lips. "I could never be angry with you Liara. I am merely concerned for your well-being." Tevos said softly, before turning her eyes to the commander. "Shepard, the moment those files from Feros are decrypted, I want them at my terminal. If you learn anything of Saren, do not hesitate to contact me."
Shepard nodded her head politely. "Yes, Councilor."
"Very well. I shall speak with you another time, but for now there are matters I must discuss with Liara privately." Tevos continued, eliciting a more hesitant nod from Shepard, who quickly made her way out of the comm room, Liara's gaze following her out. As the doors slid shut, leaving her alone in the room, she heard her aunt continue. "Liara, my dearest, is Shepard treating you properly?"
Liara turned her head back around to face the hologram and nodded quickly. "She has been very kind. She has even allowed me to take roles on her missions, even if they are in support." Liara stated, recalling her duties on Feros. "It is…nice to know she trusts me."
"And she is keeping you safe?" Tevos continued, a concerned expression across her face. "I would not have her put you in harm's way."
Liara shook her head and let out a small laugh, thinking that Tevos would have been in shock, had she seen the trial Shepard put her under. "Shepard has tested my capabilities and thinks highly of my biotics. I have been in combat…but not in harm's way. Not with her watching over me." She said, smiling as she recalled how Shepard would always seem to appear by her when she needed help in the fight against the thorian. It had been reassuring to know that someone was always making sure she would never be in too much trouble.
Tevos gave a sigh, bringing a hand to her head momentarily. "Liara, please be careful. You know I get terribly worried whenever you go off on one of your digs or adventures. This one is far more dangerous." The councilor spoke, a familiar sadness in her voice. Liara had often had to endure the elder asari's fussing when she was still in graduate school, going off on digs as an assistant. At first, she had found Tevos' misgivings slightly bothersome, but grew to miss her when Benezia had cut her off. She couldn't imagine how difficult it had been on Tevos.
"I promise, I will not place myself in any unnecessary danger. Shepard would not allow it." Liara spoke confidently, hoping to reassure her aunt.
"You two…have you grown closer?" Tevos asked, seemingly pulling a chair into her holo-interface and taking a seat.
"Shepard and I have…become friends, I believe. She is quite a fascinating person, and I have been helping her become more comfortable around asari." Liara said, forgoing a smile at her aunt's concerned expression. She had hoped the news would relieve the councilor.
"Liara…I trust you to always hold yourself gracefully, but you must always remember that when dealing with humans, a deft hand is needed. They are very impulsive, fragile, and do not think as we do." Tevos stated, bringing a teacup to her lips and returning it somewhere out of the holo-area. "You must be careful with her, or she may break."
Liara's mouth quirked to the side in thought, recalling the previous night. She knew that staying through the woman's shower had likely been a mistake; some unknown assumption that she had seemingly broken, though the rest of the night had been fine. At least, I think it was. I may have stared at her a little bit…and perhaps I may have been a little aggressive with my touch, but…
"I do not believe Shepard is fragile. She is not like other humans, she has been through many hardships…she is quite formidable." Liara spoke, her last phrase nervously escaping her lips as she blushed.
"I am aware of her history, Liara. However, there is a difference in how one approaches war, and how one approaches matters of their spirit. We can communicate clearly through our minds, Liara. Humans…their minds are shackled, confined to secrecy, and they must communicate through their bodies…and it is much more difficult for them in both what they are trying to convey, and what they might understand from others. Even the simplest and most innocent of our actions could be misinterpreted by them. You must always be aware of her when you talk… when you touch." Tevos explained, deepening the sensation in her chest at the thought that she might have done something that reflected poorly of her.
"Humans are so different…did you…were you able to learn what has been ailing me? I fear I have caught something from Shepard, and I do not know what to do about it. I do not want to leave." Liara dipped her head, breaking eye contact with her aunt, nervous about what the Matriarch would say.
"You have said you two have grown close. Liara…are you pleased with this?" Tevos asked simply, earning a deeper blush upon Liara's cheeks. She did like learning more about the woman. She liked watching her in action. She liked, or more accurately, adored speaking with her.
"Very much so." She stammered out, her chest pounding harder as she thought back to the discussion they had had in the lab, with the woman's promise to make her food. The easy smile that had spread across her face was something she yearned to see more often from the woman. It was quite alluring.
"Very well. I had truly hoped to wait for Benezia to provide you with such knowledge…it is her right and duty as your mother, but in her…incapacitated state, and under the circumstances, I pray she will forgive me." Tevos spoke, her words confusing Liara deeply. What is so important that I would require mother to speak with me? I…
"Elyse…what is it?" she asked, hoping that using the elder's name would show her trust in her. She knew Tevos would not lead her astray.
"Liara, I know that feeling well. I experienced it first when I was serving as an ambassador to the republic of Armali…when I came to know Nithik, my first bondmate." Tevos spoke wistfully, though that was lost in the immense confusion roiling through Liara, who stood still, speechless. "Liara, dear…you're bonding."
The affirmation of such a process was nearly too young for the maiden, who desperately wished there were movable chairs so that she could sit down and not be afraid of collapsing at any moment. Mother…mother said that asari don't often bond until they are closer to the matron stage! Loose connections, certainly, but…but bonding? Oh Goddess!
"How…how is this possible? I'm barely a century old! I am too young!" she exclaimed, her legs pacing beneath her as her mind raced.
"It is rare for a maiden as young as yourself to establish such a connection, and…you are very young. Liara…this is not anything you would be forced into. Your spirit has merely found someone compatible. If you do not wish to connect further with Shepard, all that is required of you is to refrain." Tevos continued, her words halting Liara.
The thought of bonding was overwhelming to her. She hadn't considered the possibility of it, and had assumed it would happen a century or two later, if at all. As Tevos' words sunk in, she felt the ache in her chest blossom. But…the thought of being apart from Shepard…of…of not being close, not being friends…Goddess, I don't know what to think! The mere thought of it hurts!
"Elyse…I…I care for her. Deeply. It is…strange, since I have only met her recently, but…but I care for her. She…excites me. I just hadn't fathomed the possibility! I…thought at most this was merely a light connection, and I knew Shepard has the mission to worry about, and I have to help her with mother and stopping the return of the reapers, I just didn't think…I didn't think it was appropriate to see about anything more than a simple friendship, no matter how I felt, but…oh Elyse, I need guidance!" Liara rambled, tears of frustration brimming at her eyes. She hadn't needed her mother so desperately for years, but she knew her mother wasn't herself. Her thoughts shifted to Shiala, but even she was too dangerous at that point. I feel so lost…
"Oh Liara, how I wish you were here with me. I will help however I can, Little Wing." Tevos spoke softly, her voice a calming presence in the cold, dark comm room. "Tell me…do you feel she cares for you in return?"
The question was one she had put a surprisingly small amount of thought into previously, and her mind raced in a feeble attempt to make up for her error. Does she care for me as I do her? Goddess…I am not sure! She is kind to me but…she is also kind to others... Oh Goddess…
"I…am not certain. I know she values me and trusts me. I feel that we have become friends. Whether she…cares for me like that, or desires me…I am not certain." Liara's words stumbled out, dismayed that she would have yet another mystery to solve with Shepard. One that might not provide an answer I am looking for… "But…I…I want her to." She finished shyly, recalling the first meld she'd had with Shepard. The brief moment of warmth in her chest when Shepard had taken her hand suddenly made sense to her.
"Then may the Goddess give you strength, Liara. If you are able to return to the Citadel soon, I will do my very best to guide you. But you know I am only ever a vid-call away." Tevos stated kindly. The thought was comforting, having someone supporting her who had been through it all. Liara had a feeling that she would be in contact with her aunt regularly.
"Thank you, Elyse. I…should go and think about what I need to do. What I want to do." Liara spoke quietly, a plethora of ideas sailing through her mind. "I shall contact you later."
Liara gave her farewells to her aunt and quickly found herself en route back to the lab, and to her terminal. She had too many thoughts, and needed a way to organize them, analyze them, and figure out what to do next with Shepard. She had much to consider.
Tali breathed a sigh of relief, finally being free of the cramped space she'd been working in under the floors of engineering; she and Adams had discussed ways to improve the amount of time that they could use the internal emissions sink for, and she couldn't help but tinker with different pathways of routing heat. By her calculations, they would be able to gain an extra twenty minutes, although it was a conservative routing job. Too conservative…on the migrant fleet, I've seen more 'risky' ways of dealing with heat. I don't get why he won't try running it through weapons and propulsion, as it could maybe buy the Normandy close to two hours of extra time, but he just isn't as 'adventurous' as me. Maybe if this works as planned, I can convince him to try more…and I don't mind doing repairs if it doesn't work…
She squeezed out of the narrow passage and crawled back up to the floor of the engine room, giving her best attempt at a thumbs up to Talitha, one of the engineers she'd often share shifts with.
"It's done, you can run the tests now." Tali said, getting to her feet and over to one of the nearby terminals. It was always nice being able to just go into her shift and work, as if she were just another Alliance crew member; she couldn't be more thankful to just be treated normally, and nicely, by a group on non-quarians. Despite her initial stays on Illium and the Citadel being short, it was difficult to put aside the memory of how hostile people were to her and other quarians. She had prepared somewhat through listening to stories from members of the Rayya while she was growing up, but it only truly became clear when she had experienced it.
Tali tapped away at her terminal, checking over Talitha's readings and configurations, making minor tweaks, and then set the first test in motion. What a nice way to end my shift…I got a lot of work done today… she thought, grabbing the terminal off the desk and bringing it over to her comfy nook in the corner of the room. The sleeper pods had never appealed to her; since they were very snug around her hips, and she hadn't been used to sleeping in a pseudo-standing position, she'd decided a floor would do better. She'd slept on floors for eight of her childhood years with no regrets. That she had a number of comfortable blankets to rest on instead of the hard, cold steel was a plus.
As per usual, she jumped onto the extranet with her terminal, opening a number of holo-windows as she decided what to look for this time. Right on cue, a window with a voice chat request popped up, as one had each day for the past few. She allowed herself a grin and accepted the link; it had become a routine she was comfortable with, and that helped her relax after a day's work.
"Hey Tali-gal!" she heard the communications specialist call out cheerfully. She shook her head at the apparent pet name and sat back against a cushion.
"Heather, why do you insist on not just calling me Tali?" she asked, pretending to be perturbed. She'd had a number of nicknames growing up on the Rayya, and having some familiarity was comforting. Not that she would tell the human, who seemed to be having too much fun thinking it was at her expense.
"Because it's fun teasing you? Because you can't hit me with a wrench all the way down there?" Heather noted, a smirk audible in her voice. "Would you rather I call you Miss Zorah? Lady nar Rayya? Tali, 'Empress of Engines'?"
She couldn't help but let a laugh escape her mouth at the silly list. "You could use that last one, without all of those last three words."
A quiet 'tut-tut' sounded over the channel. "Maybe I'll cycle between them all from now on. So, 'Empress of Engines', how was your shift? Did Adams actually let you re-route heat through the main battery? I told him it was safe." Heather inquired, sounding hopeful, excited. Tali had enjoyed working with the woman in ballistics, learning about the infrastructure and systems in that part of the ship; it had been where she had thought up the idea, which the lanky brunette had helped her design and calibrate simulations for. She wasn't as experienced as Tali, nor did she have the precise know-how about drive-cores, but she had a knack for pointing out areas that Tali might overlook which, in theory, could increase performance. They made, what Adams had called at least, a 'dynamic duo'. Tali supposed they were dynamic enough, but imagined it was a reference to something in human culture she wasn't aware of.
"We worked over the idea and after a lot of revisions, he finally let me tinker, but…he wouldn't let me touch propulsion. And he wouldn't let me re-route the full heat through the battery." Tali said, stifling a laugh as Heather cursed in the background. "It's alright, I think that this will work and I can convince him to let me do more tomorrow."
"The ship can handle it! It's…alright, it could theoretically be risky, but there's no way he can't see that eighty percent could be funneled through the battery without any worries. I doubt this thing will need to use its weapons, anyway, and if it does, it's a quick fix now that you've got the parts in place." Heather ranted, sounding slightly frustrated. Tali was in full agreement, but she knew convincing Adams would take time. "Anyway, you have any fun plans, Miss Zorah?"
Tali looked at one of her open windows and decided to access one of the sites she'd been pointed toward by the communications specialist. "I think I'll do some reading." She noted happily, smiling at the idea of spending a nice few hours reading wondrous tales and about all sorts of adventures. She found some forms of human storytelling to be similar to how quarian tales were written, and found them to be a nice remedy for how homesick she'd been feeling in past days.
"Oooh, nice! Decide on anything specific?" the woman asked excitedly. Heather had recommended a number of murder mysteries and similar drama stories, but Tali's appetite was more for something a little fantastical.
"I think I will read that Lord of the Rings series." Tali said, accessing the archived work, and letting her visor's translator do its work.
She heard a groan erupt from the woman across the channel. "Ugh, Tolkien spends like, a quarter of the book describing what trees look like, and how snow falls on the mountains." She spoke, seemingly unimpressed with her decision.
"That's the point, Heather." She said flatly, finding such stories to remind her of all the tales she was told as a child about Rannoch's mountains, canyons, rivers and forests. They had always awed her when she was young, and reading similar stories simply brought back that nostalgia.
"Anyway, I've got some shopping to do, so I'll talk to you later Tali-gal. I hope the book doesn't put you to sleep." Heather said playfully, a light chuckle coming over the channel.
"I'll be fine. Good luck on your shopping, Heather." Tali said kindly, cutting the channel as she pulled the story to the front of her screen. Ah, nothing like the hum of engines, some quiet relaxation, and a good story. She thought, reclining back and letting the story engulf her attention.
"So how did you end up serving here on the Normandy? A quality doctor like yourself must have gotten a lot of calls from private hospitals, I figure." Shepard asked the gray-haired lady sitting across from her. She'd been dodging some of her paper-work duties, and had spent the past hour having a quality conversation with her doctor.
Chakwas leaned back in her chair, one hand on the handle of her teacup, the other on the saucer beneath it. "I enlisted out of med school. Earth always seemed boring to me…too safe, too secure." The doctor spoke, taking a sip of tea afterward, a brief flicker of hesitation passing over her before she returned the cup to the saucer. "I mean…for me, it was safe. I was naïve at the time, Commander."
Shepard just grinned at the woman's correction. "Doc, don't worry about it. I saw how most people lived, and it was safe for them. That's fantastic. I don't blame you for taking the plunge." She said, still slightly amused at the woman's skittish behavior around her since Feros. She certainly didn't blame the woman for their minor spat, even if Chakwas blamed herself.
"Well…I figured the colonies were teeming with exotic adventure." Chakwas continued, her eyes widening with mock excitement on the two last words, shaking her head at the idea. "I wanted to travel the stars, tending the wounds of tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls." The woman finished with a chuckle.
"What, doc? I don't fill your quota? And here I thought I was doing you a kindness." Shepard joked, taking a swig of her water.
"No, it turns out military life isn't quite as romantic as I had imagined. At least, it hasn't been for me…" Chakwas noted, a touch of playfulness in her last sentence as her words trailed off. Shepard gave the doctor her best eye-roll and shook her head. The Normandy had been far from romantic; she wasn't entirely sure what the doctor was on about, but she'd seem similar looks from Heather and Faridah before. It was always unnerving.
"So basically, you read some romance novels and decided to search for some sensitive, muscular he-man in the stars?" she said in jest, drawing a mock scowl from the older woman. "Either way, it led you here and I'm grateful."
Chakwas took another sip of her tea, finishing the cup, and set it down on the table. "Yes, well humanity needs the Alliance if we are to continue expanding, and the Alliance needs good doctors. I just stayed on, to do my part."
"Any regrets? Ever think you might have made the wrong choice, that you should have gone for something else?" she asked, wondering whether there was anything she could do to make the doctor's work more fulfilling on the ship.
"Well, sometimes I think about opening a private practice back on Earth, or maybe taking a position at one of the new med centers out in the colonies. In the end, there's just something special about working on soldiers. If I left the Alliance now, I'd feel like I was abandoning them." The doctor explained, shrugging her shoulders. "And I should probably get back to work. I'm sure our supplies are fine, but with Murakami now sent off to Arcturus, I need to prepare a list of what to pick up the next time we're at the Citadel."
Shepard waved the doctor goodnight, deciding to stay seated at the empty table. The day had been fairly uneventful apart from the opening stanza; being woken by Liara in the comm room in nothing but the clothes she usually slept in was awkward enough. Sneaking through the CIC, wrapped in a blanket was damn awkward. Having to be interrogated about Liara, in front of Liara, by her aunt, was another level of awkward. She'd endured it, but wanted as little asari-related contact as possible for the rest of the day. She knew if she were to be serious in putting distance between them, she'd have to start soon and develop some kind of consistency. Doing so while still being civil and kind and protective of Liara would be the more difficult aspect, she knew, especially since the doctor would likely be curious over the shift in her behavior. Why does it always have to be hard? Why did I give in and show her Torfan last night? I wasn't ready! I…I wish she would have seen that. I wish I could have said that. I wish I could have said a lot of things.
Shepard placed her hands on the table and gave them a good look, turning them to different angles, looking at them as if they were new discoveries. I let her watch me cut up a batarian with these hands. Christ…
A sound across from her alerted Shepard to another's presence, finding Tali seated at the table as she raised her head, the quarian opening a tube of dextro paste.
"If you're counting the amount of talons you have, it's ten. Humans have ten…usually." Tali noted cheerfully, stabbing something of a straw into the tube, and then connecting the other end to her mask.
"No, I was just kind of lost in thought." Shepard noted, bringing her hands back to her lap. "I hear you calibrated the ship or something?"
Tali's posture straightened with pride, a sight that Shepard couldn't help but smile at. "Yes, we gained an extra twenty-seven minutes and forty-three seconds of stealth time by re-routing heat through the main battery. Heather and Talitha really helped me design it, and Adams decided to let me do it… though he wouldn't let me do everything I wanted." Tali rambled, crossing her arms and sulking over the head engineer's decision. "But it was nice. Heather really helped a lot…I can hardly believe you're friends!"
Shepard leaned back in her chair and narrowed her gaze at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Shepard, you're not the greatest with technology. You can barely run your omni-tool. You're a soldier, and she's…a communications specialist that happens to know a lot about spacecraft engineering. I don't get it." Tali noted playfully, taking a sip of her paste.
Tali was right, Shepard knew her friends were very different from her in terms of their interests. It often made her feel out of place, but she knew they had more than their careers going for them.
"Well, that's all true. I just happened to luck into being friends with some engineers as a kid. But we do have a bunch of things in common." Shepard noted, taking another swig of water as Tali leaned casually up against the table, the quarian's attention focused on her. "Heather loves Blasto vids as much as I do. She loves food, she loves gardening, she loves reading, she enjoys swimming…she loves teasing people, and I like hearing her do it. Even sometimes if she's teasing me. And she's definitely got an over-protective streak like I do." She finished, smiling.
The quarian across from her sat in silence, her head tilting ever so slightly to the side as the seconds ticked past. "I suppose you're right. That's good to know…that you two can find some common interests even if you're…really different." Tali said, her hands nervously wringing. Shepard imagined Tali was still having trouble fitting in with the others, and gave the girl a reassuring smile.
"Hey, you know if you ever have any worries you can come to me, or Heather certainly. She's probably much more aware of how the crew really is than I am. You're not that different from us, Tali." She noted, drawing a hesitant nod from Tali. "But…if you need to talk to someone who isn't human, I'm certain Liara would always be willing to help."
"Oh, don't get me wrong, Shepard, I know I can always talk to you or Heather. I like talking to you all, and…and Liara too…but we're both usually very busy, and we rarely see each other because of it. Or…I suppose it's more accurate to say that I'm usually busy. She's usually in the lab studying something." Tali rambled, providing Shepard with a fun burst of animated body language. She knew Tali and other quarians couldn't show their faces through their visors, so they relied on their body language, but it didn't make it any less amusing for her.
If that makes me a bad person…then I guess I am, she thought, stifling a laugh. "Tali, you should always make time for the people you like sharing it with. It's important." Shepard said, hoping to bring the quarian a little more out of her shell. Though I suppose I'm also hoping she spends more time with Liara. That would make things a lot easier for me, and I'm sure they'd enjoy the time together.
"I…will consider it, Shepard." Tali said hesitantly, finishing off her tube. "Maybe I should go."
Shepard smirked at the quarian who stood up from the table. "So soon?" she asked playfully, eliciting a nervous reaction from Tali.
"I…no, I just…I like spending time with you too, Shepard. I just…you're probably busy, and I have a book to get back to…and a narrator to find." Tali stammered out. Shepard shrugged and waved the engineer off, thinking it curious that Tali didn't have narration software in her omni or her translator. She decided she'd look into that when she had the motivation to sit down and read the manual of her enviro-suit.
Feeling a yawn coming on, Shepard got up out of her chair and slowly ambled toward her room. She hoped the young quarian would take her advice; she knew that far too often, at least with herself, she got bogged down in work and often only saw Heather once or twice a day if that, and rarely found time to contact Faridah or Katie. Sometimes I wish I could just drop it all and be a professional friend… but it just doesn't pay well, and there would be too much traveling. I guess…
"Shepard?" The calling of her name broke her focus as she reached for the door's control panel. With trepidation she turned her head, seeing Liara a few steps behind her.
"Doctor." Shepard spoke, offering the asari a nod as she opened the door to her room and stepped in. She fully expected Liara to follow her inside and wasn't disappointed. Whether the doctor had any semblance of a clue about personal space and privacy was a question she wished she had an answer to.
"I was wondering where you were all day. I looked for you…" Liara spoke, her voice hesitant and trailing off as she no doubt was finding a proper combination of words to use. Liara was nothing if not methodical, she knew. "I had hoped to have a meditation session, like we had planned."
Shepard moved further into her room and sat down at her desk, wishing she could just activate her holo-piano and play music, but she knew it would be inconsiderate, and she wasn't sure Liara would leave. "I'll see if I can make it tomorrow." She spoke nonchalantly, wanting to tell Liara she was busy, that she was tired, that she didn't want to be near her. None of those words came.
She heard Liara move over to her bed and sit down, and felt a regrettable sigh escape her lips. This is going downhill fast…
"I wanted to let you know that Tevos approves of you, Shepard. She is just very…protective of me. Please do not take offense." Liara said softly, her voice a pristine melody against Shepard's ears. Never in her life had she wished more to be wearing earplugs.
"I'm not upset with her, you don't have to worry." Her words came out more steely than she had hoped, and immediately tried to dial her tension back. Each second Liara was there behind her had her body stiff in anticipation, eagerly waiting for Liara to forcefully return her to the bed. She felt her neck flush in memory of the heat of Liara's breath, the phantom pull of the night's singularity against her hands, ghosts of Liara's caresses against her face, neck, breasts. She felt her heartbeat accelerate, her skin perspire at the mere thought, and she hated herself for it. When it was just that dream…fuck, I could handle it, but…now? I can't even look at her without…
She felt Liara's hand gently rest on her left shoulder and, in her weakness, turned her gaze to it. Christ…I can't look at her hands without fighting to urge to just hold them… I can't look at her fingers without wishing they were inside me…what the fuck is wrong with me? She thought, wincing as Liara's other hand navigated Shepard's face towards hers.
"Shepard, is everything alright?" Liara asked, the worry in her voice palpable. Shepard fought her eyes away from Liara's brilliant blue orbs, and wrested her head away from the asari's touch. It's too goddamn much right now. I can't go through this…
"Probably not, no." she spoke, regretting her vague answer, which the prothean researcher quickly jumped on.
"Can I do anything to help? Is…is it the vision again?" Liara asked, moving to her side and kneeling so that the two were closer to eye level.
Shepard shook her head and got up off her chair, pacing over toward the table and away from her problem. "It's not the vision. I'm just dealing with some shit right now." She said in as firm a tone as she could muster; not able to will herself to ask Liara to leave, but merely hoping she'd do so on her own accord.
"I…had hoped that you showing me Torfan would ease your troubles, not add to them." Liara noted worriedly, prompting Shepard to spin around to face her.
"I think we both know I wasn't ready to show you that, doc." She blurted out, and kept her words flowing at the look of shock on Liara's face. "And really, it was fine. It didn't hurt any more than the past years, but it was a lot more vivid. I can deal with that…so don't blame yourself or beat yourself up, it was my call and my fault."
"I am sorry that I pressured you into…" Liara started up, but Shepard couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand to hear Liara apologize for a mistake she didn't make. A mistake she wasn't even remotely aware was made.
"Don't fucking apologize!" she practically roared, slumping into a seat at the table. It was as if all of her anger, her frustration and her energy left her in those three words, leaving nothing but a sense of guilt and envy. "God, Liara, I'm sorry for yelling, but…I need you to just…believe me on this. I made a mistake. It's not your fault, and it won't happen again, I…I promise."
Liara was silent on her bed, and she could sense the doctor's eyes piercing into her. She could imagine her facial expression; she knew Liara would be concerned, worried, perhaps a little frightened. She'd seen as much during her blind rant the prior night.
"I just really need to be alone right now. Can you just leave?" Shepard asked, the words soft as they spilled from her lips.
"Have I done something wrong?" she heard Liara ask, and felt her body cringe at the asari's persistence. It was both alluring and terribly frustrating.
She turned around and nearly froze, watching the doctor get to her feet and approach her. The asari's sheer grace and beauty were breathtaking. "Liara, please…" She spoke quietly, the only words her mouth would speak. She cursed herself for placing such meaning in them, for falling prey yet again. She closed her eyes in a fruitless attempt to block her out of her mind. Instead, her brain recalled how Liara had leaned over her, so maddeningly close, her touch so intoxicating. She felt Liara's fingers graze the edge of the scar on her jawline, the contact once again sending a very pleasant shiver through her body. Fuck!
"Shepard, you promised me honesty once. I need to know…have I wronged you in any way?" Liara asked, the framing of her question trapping Shepard in with a collection of answers; none of which she was keen to provide.
"I…I'm not sure." She spoke, trying and failing to lean away from the asari's touch as a hand gently grazed her cheek, her body tensing from the contact.
"You know…Shepard, you must know that I would never knowingly harm you. If there is anything I have done…" Liara asked, her voice nearly pleading in its sincerity, only adding weight to the pit of guilt Shepard felt growing in her chest.
"I know. I know, it's just…" She started, her voice trailing off. Shepard didn't want to tell Liara the truth, but she didn't want to break her promise. I'm not even sure I'd be breaking that promise, because she didn't try to wrong me, even …even though I can't keep from resenting her a little…it's not her fault. It's mine. After Lee, I should have just given up. I thought I did, but…
"Message coming in Commander...big surprise! The Alliance needs you again." She heard Joker call out over her room's speakers. She sighed in relief and quickly moved from the chair and over toward her desk, leaving Liara in her wake.
"Thanks, Joker. I'll be in the comm room in five." Shepard called out, relaxing when the familiar buzz of the channel cut off. Thank Christ…
Shepard stood there, looking at Liara, not knowing what to say. Too many thoughts, urges, desires, and wishes were flowing through her mind to keep track of. All she knew was that she needed to be alone, and she needed Liara to not be there when she returned from answering the call. Everything after that was up in the air; she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore, and it scared her to even think about it.
"Give me some time, Liara." She spoke softly, offering the asari a nervous smile as she grabbed a datapad of her report from Presrop. "I need time."
Shepard lowered her gaze and walked out of her room, leaving the asari behind her, wishing Liara didn't look as hurt as she seemed to be. She sighed as she made her way up the stairway to the CIC, knowing it would be something she would have to deal with sooner than later.
In the meantime, she'd have to find out how.
A/N: Whooo! Fluff chapter (more like a two course meal, serving fluff and angst, but I digress). I swear, Joker has got to stop going that! It always happens in some of the most fun/intense/interesting conversations. Maybe I should blame Hackett instead. Yeah. Perhaps I will. :) Anywho, hope this was enjoyable. Decided to do a few things with some secondary characters, developing friendships and whatnot.
Only a bit of action next chapter, coupled with a discussion I have been waiting to write out for a long, long time. Perhaps it's time for a cameo appearance? Hrm…
Anywho, thanks everyone for your incredible support. You always leave me in awe, and I'm so pleased to be providing you with a wee bit of entertainment. I hope it's as fun to read as it is to write, but I really do enjoy this far too much sometimes :P
So thanks to all who read, review, favourite, follow, and message me about my fics. You're all rather awesome, and I hope the rest of your week goes rather splendidly!