Shepard watched as Shiala rolled the pair of die across the table, her eyes locked onto the tiny cubes as they tumbled and rolled, her breath catching as they came to a halt. Snake eyes showed from the top of the blocks, and Shepard pumped her fist in excitement, grabbing six sheep cards while Shiala drew a rock. Heather, for her part, simply looked on in misery. Shepard normally didn't like seeing her friends upset on any occasion, but, in her mind, it was a long time coming.
"Oh come on, two has been rolled like, seven times this game already! Where are the sixes and eights? I'd kill for an eight!" Heather exclaimed, frustrated at her poor luck. Shepard just laughed and gleefully scanned her full hand of resources, smiling inwardly at the knowledge of her monopoly card for if she had a win set up. She needed to have a moral victory as well as a tactical one. Her previous games of Catan with Heather had been disasters, at least since Faridah had convinced her to win with sheep. I've got twenty three straight losses that you taunted me with, Heather…this time you'll have sheep envy! My sheep port on a two hex will come to you at night when you're dreaming and it will remind you of your failing. It will be delicious…
Shiala had been a quick learner and had, in Shepard's eyes, perceived Heather as the only true threat from the start. The asari was leading in points with nine, a turn or two away from a win depending on whatever the development card she picked up was. Heather had six points and a small hand, while Shepard was sitting on seven points, and had a handful of dangerous sheep to play. All she would need was a small stroke of luck and the game would be hers.
Shepard picked up the small die, tumbling them around in her cupped hands before releasing them across the table. It was as if time stopped as they bounced their way past the board and directly in front of Heather. The angle too steep for her to see, she only had Heather's expression to go on.
The woman's lowered head angled up and gave Shepard the fiercest glare she'd seen her give. "Fuck off, Shepard." Her friend growled, but her ears translated that into a victory, one she confirmed as the die were pushed closer; a five and a six. She looked to the board and saw her smaller sheep city and couldn't believe it was finally happening.
"I did it." Shepard whispered, stunned at the turn of events. It had been months, years since she had won a game, since she had taken on the sheep initiative. She took two sheep cards and watched as Shiala took one and a brick card. Once again, Heather was shut out.
Shepard excitedly tossed down her monopoly card, which only further incensed her short haired friend.
"Shepard don't you fucking do it. The only cards I've picked up in the last three turns have been sheep. I will strangle you with wire and shove you in the vents beneath the battery where no one will find you." The woman said, deadly serious, though all Shepard could think about was the relief of having those losses hanging over her head dissipate.
"I'm calling monopoly on sheep." She spoke in a happy whisper. Shiala's shoulders slumped a little, handing over three of the cards, while Heather angrily shoved her four sheep in Shepard's direction. She quickly cashed in the cards, building enough roads to take Heather's 'longest roads' award, earning her two points, and then spent a few more cards to raise a settlement to a city, leaving her with six sheep still in her hand and a winning ten points.
"That was fun!" Shiala said cheerfully, congratulating Shepard with a handshake. "A simple game, but…rather fun."
Heather had her hand in her shortly cropped hair, shaking her head as she stared intensely at the board. "I had cities on sixes and eights and I lost to sheep. I lost to someone who spent their first tile selection on a two with a sheep port." She said, her anger fading as confusion set in. "What in the hell."
"That was a fantastic game." Shepard said, still grinning like an idiot, but rightfully proud of her victory. "Thanks for playing Shiala. And thanks Heather, for deciding I needed some cheering up."
Shiala nodded her head, moving away from the table and toward the elevator, leaving Shepard and Heather alone in the mess hall. She looked on, amused that her friend was still baffled. She didn't blame her; winning against Heather was difficult at the best of times, and with sheep it was practically impossible. She knew if Shiala hadn't helped tag team Heather, she probably would have taken another loss.
"I…I wouldn't have offered to play if I knew I'd lose to sheep." Heather noted hazily as Shepard packed the game up in its box. Most versions of Catan were holo-versions, but she enjoyed the tactile feel of the physical pieces better.
"I can't wait to tell Faridah that I finally did it!" Shepard said cheerfully, excited about her victory and having the chance to catch up with her old friend. Hackett had told them a training facility's VI had gone on the fritz, and they needed them to go in and help shut it down. Once she had gained confirmation that Faridah had been safe, her tensions faded. The ship needed supplies desperately, so it likely meant a day-long layover on Luna, giving her some time to catch up. She couldn't help herself from smiling.
Heather groaned at the mention and leaned back in her chair. "That asari was ruthless! I thought she'd pick up the game slowly, but she was just…ruthless!"
Shepard nodded, glad that Shiala had agreed to play. The asari had been bored, she was certain, and she felt the game would be a nice change of pace. Day by day, she was becoming more certain that the commando was safe to have around, and had learned her headaches had become less intense. She was looking forward to reuniting the two asari on board. It was clear that Shiala missed Liara, and was waiting for Liara to give her clearance to be around her. She truly is dutiful…she could just pop up and see her at any of the meal times, but she doesn't…she stays away until Liara feels safe enough to have her around…
"Speaking of asari…" Heather noted slyly, seemingly having regained her composure. "You and miss prothean expert have been spending some time together. Saw her leave your room the other morning."
Shepard face-palmed, dreading the coming conversation. For just over an hour, she'd been free of her concerns and problems, and wished to just leave them on the sidelines.
"Heather, I'm not sure now's the time for that." She stated tiredly, hoping her friend would give up, even though she had a feeling she wouldn't, by the glint in the woman's eyes.
"I'm just saying, I didn't think you were the type to invite ladies over for dinner." Heather said playfully, Shepard catching her euphemism immediately. She shot her friend a stone glare and shook her head.
"It was after Presrop and the visions were messing with me. Lots of Torfan in there. She helped me a bit, but it tired her out. I slept in the comm room instead." She retorted, embarrassed at her partial lie, but hoping her friend would just leave it at that. Heather slowly nodded as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table.
Shepard watched her friend stew in her thoughts for a moment, and wanted to sigh as the woman's eyes shot up at her inquisitively. "Are you feeling better now? Fuck, I'm glad she's around. That asari's a godsend." Heather stated, running her hand nervously through her hair.
She reached her hands across the table and grabbed her friend's. "We've been over this, Heather, I'm fine. I'm alright. It was a fluke." She stated softly, but firmly. She didn't want her friend to be constantly worried about her health.
"I know, I know, it's just…I'm happy she's spending time with you. She's a nice girl." Heather said, offering a small smile.
Shepard felt a chuckle escape at the remark. "She's hardly a girl…she's over a century old." She said with a laugh.
"You know what I mean. With how much time she spends with you in comparison to…well, everyone else…I just think blue might have a crush on you, Shep." Heather noted, a little playfulness returning to her voice. She preferred her friend happy, but she didn't enjoy the line of questioning. Shepard decided to cut it off immediately, or at least try.
"She doesn't. She actually might have a thing for Alenko or Tali." Shepard noted flatly, dismissing Heather's remark.
"When you wish upon a staaaaar…" Heather sang in jest, but she wasn't quite in the mood for that sort of playfulness.
"I end up wishing on someone else's star. Face it, Heather. I have no luck with this stuff. She doesn't have a crush on me." She spoke exasperatedly, continuing as Heather gave her a very skeptical look. "I'm serious! She said so herself, basically."
She knew she shouldn't have added the last word, but she couldn't outright lie to her friend twice in the same conversation. "Basically? Did she or didn't she? I want details!" Heather inquired, her hands unwrapping themselves from Shepard's.
"She didn't say it outright, but it was implied." Shepard said exasperatedly, pulling her hands back in front of her. "Look, let's just say she did something that clearly told me she wasn't interested, and that's that."
"Shepard." Heather stated, the word hard across her tongue as the woman leant forward and gave her a steely expression. "I am willing to bribe you with the rest of my chocolate bark if you spill."
The offer was enticing. She'd already burnt through a lot of her share prior to Presrop, and Liara had eaten nearly the whole remaining full block. It was sort of devastating.
"Heather, that's not fair…after Liara ate mine, I…" Shepard started, but Heather nearly exploded off her seat, interrupting her focus.
"She ate your chocolate?!" the lanky woman asked, clearly shocked, clumsily slumping back into her seat. "What, did you offer it to her?"
"She had some while I was…" Shepard began, but decided not to expand on that. "I'll tell you another time. Like I said, I'm not in the mood, and I have a mission to prepare for."
Heather crossed her arms and gave her best annoyed look. "Spoilsport. At least you haven't denied liking her."
"I wouldn't even try to lie my way through that with you, Heather. In the end, it doesn't matter how I feel, she doesn't see me like that." Shepard noted, standing up from her chair. "And honestly, having a girlfriend…in the grand scheme of things, with this mission hanging over me…it's just not important."
"Amber…I know the mission takes priority, but it doesn't mean you can't find someone while you're looking for Saren." Heather said sadly. "I think you're wrong about her. Just because Lee…"
"I'm not wrong." Shepard said firmly, but not unkindly. "I'll see you later, Heather."
She picked up the game and walked across the floor into her room, depositing it on her table before flopping onto her bed. Heather was wrong. She knew it in her heart, felt it in her bones. It was clear Liara cared for her, but she felt that if the asari wanted more than that, she would have jumped at any of the many opportunities. She hadn't, and that was enough of an answer for Shepard. She even winced, looking at my scars…maybe she might have been interested before she knew…she WAS staring at me. She did when I was cleaning up and…but she winced at my scars. It would end up just like Lee if I tried for Liara. Wouldn't it?
In truth, she hadn't had many relationships. She had been on dates, certainly, but she had always failed to impress the potential partners, and the few times that people would show interest, it would wane into pity when they'd hear of her past. Shepard had never wanted people's pity; she always thought pity was selfish, an excuse for others to feel good about themselves for helping out the downtrodden. She wanted acceptance, and the one time she thought she'd gained it, her world had fallen out from under her.
Lee had been an N-level candidate in her class; she was something of an infiltrator, though often utilized her tech skills as much as her steady, accurate shot. By the time they had reached N4, the class was a mere eight people, and they were the only two women. They had quickly become friends, sharing notes and tactics, planning out strategies and contingencies, sharing the little recreational time they were given. It hadn't taken long for Shepard to feel a spark between them; Lee's eyes would come alive around her, and the woman, who was a shameless flirt, would raise her intensity level when they were alone.
It had been an exciting turn of events after a series of failures; just when she'd been thinking she'd lost her only shot in Faridah, Lee had come along, and she thought that maybe they could make it work. They were the same rank, and Lee was only a year older, and she figured if they worked so well on the field, and were close off the field, then they must have had something worth working for. She was naïve.
Shepard rolled over on her bed, remembering how with each progressive N mission, they'd grown closer; from spending lunches and dinners together, to watching vids together, to just cuddling with each other. It had been the first time she had felt safe with anyone so intimately, and Lee had been the first person she'd become vulnerable with. It had been terrifying, leaking out information on her past every few conversations, but Lee would never bat an eyelash. She just told me it was alright, that the past was the past…she told me what I wanted to hear. If I wasn't so fucking blind, I would have seen it coming.
In hindsight, the signs had been obvious. One night, after eating a rather tasteless MRE and having cuddled up with Lee to watch a horror vid, she had done it. After a relentless torrent of light, teasing taunts from the sniper over her senseless fear of some creature she couldn't recall, she had playfully fought back and planted the woman into the mattress. Shepard still felt her heart ache just thinking of the woman's soft grey eyes, her silky strawberry-blonde hair, the sultry smile she'd been given as she leaned over top of her. The kiss had been the first of many small steps toward intimacy, and while Shepard had wanted to take things slowly, still sensitive over her body's appearance, Lee didn't mind. She didn't mind that Shepard was much more willing to give than to receive, and when Shepard grew more comfortable with her, Lee would occasionally come up with excuses for not being up for reciprocating. And by occasionally, I suppose I mean always. Shepard grumbled, pulling a pillow near and propping it under her head. God, I was such an idiot!
The excuse had always been that she was tired; Shepard knew her own stamina was a fair bit better than Lee's, who wouldn't often train as hard physically. She'd believed it, and found enough enjoyment in giving that it didn't bother her all that much. She was confident enough in their relationship to let it slide until the N missions were over. They'd lost contact for around a month afterward, forced to go their separate ways temporarily, but they had kept in touch via vid-call. Shepard recalled how she was bubbly with excitement when Lee had invited her to Terra Nova for a post-N celebration. She DID graduate N7…even if it was pretty much all because of me, that mission. Heather's not far off calling her an N6…but I suppose bygones are bygones…
Shepard recalled the shuttle flight down, the dinner out, the dancing, and the drive to her apartment. By the time they'd gotten back, Lee had been too drunk to do much but lay around and make requests. Many of which Shepard fulfilled. It was the next morning after they had both woken up when the trouble had begun. Feeling confident, and more than a little hungry for affection, she'd initiated a session later that morning on the couch. The memory still disgusted her.
"What are you doing?" she heard from underneath her, halfway through the motion of taking her t-shirt off. Lee's voice was confused, perhaps annoyed, and it halted the motion. Shepard let her shirt drop back down over her and gave the blonde beauty a questioning look.
"I'm taking my clothes off…" she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. In truth, it was to her, but the confused and perhaps annoyed expression on Lee's face had her questioning that. "Unless you don't want me to?"
"I was hoping we could try with our clothes on this time." Lee said, her hand reaching up and tenderly grazing against her unscarred cheek.
The idea confused Shepard, and words spilled out of her mouth before she could censor them. "I always have clothes on when we have sex. I'm feeling good, I'm ready." Shepard said confidently, hoping to reassure her partner, who was looking conflicted beneath her. "I don't want you to hold back on me this time."
Lee scooched away from under her, Shepard lifting herself up enough to allow the movement. "I just don't want to rush you into anything. You know that." Lee stated her eyes darting off toward the nearby vid-screen.
"I'm ready, Lee. I want this." Shepard spoke breathily, leaning in against her, lips millimeters from her neck. "I want you."
"Then prove it." Her partner spoke softly, grabbing Shepard's hair and pushing her mouth against her neck.
Shepard had loved Lee's neck, it always smelled of vanilla and that had driven her wild. Feverishly, she planted kisses and small bites across the tender neck, lightly tugging at her skin and enjoying the tiny gasps that would escape from the woman. That Shepard would force from her. Her deft hands parted ways, one wrapping behind and clutching the woman's skull for stability while the other traveled down and traced shapes across the small of her back. It was a weak spot that she enjoyed tormenting the blonde with, and very quickly Lee was melting to her touch.
After a number of minutes, she separated momentarily, flinging off her shirt before sliding back down onto the blonde, slowly kissing her way down the woman's chest. Initially, the woman planting both of her hands on her head, pressing her down, wasn't suspicious. She knew Lee wanted the slow burn that she'd planned for her, and was just showing that, but when she decided to tease her further and move back to her neck, the woman's hands fell awkwardly to the side.
"Lee?" She asked, her mouth reaching down and nipping lightly at the tender skin. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. You're…so good at this." Lee said between breaths. It wasn't entirely convincing.
"Then touch me." Shepard stated, sucking on the woman's neck, kissing up to her jawline, taking the blonde's earlobe between her teeth. She felt one of Lee's hands once again find the back of her skull, gripping her brown curls tightly.
"Lower." She spoke, using her hands to massage the woman's tight shoulders as she continued her assault back downward.
As she worked her way down to the woman's collarbone, the blonde's tentative hand unlatched itself and lightly slid down the back of her neck to her shoulder. Frustrated, Shepard pulled away momentarily.
"Lower." Shepard's voice was more insistent this time, and she noticed the woman tense as she lowered her mouth to the blonde's ample breasts, arched forward and eagerly awaiting her. She didn't understand the woman's nervousness, and kept pushing forth, using her tongue to tease her way around the nipple, Lee's hand sliding back up to her head momentarily before Shepard wrested her head away, frustrated.
"Lee! What the fuck is wrong?" she asked, clutching the woman's hand out of the air. "Touch me!"
Shepard let go of the woman and watched as Lee's hand moved to her face. "Let's…can we just do what we usually do?" the blonde asked cautiously, prompting Shepard to take her hand and slowly trace it down her body.
"Lee, I'm ready. I…I want you to touch me like I do to you. I fucking love kissing you, and…and you've held onto me before. Just…" Shepard's voice trailed off, feeling Lee resist her guidance. She'd been moving her hand to her waist, and didn't want her initial guess to be true when she looked down. The woman's fingers were angled as far from the skin as they could be, her hand hovering over a heavily scarred area of her body.
Immediately, she flung the woman's hand away and jumped off the couch, her feet carrying her into the kitchen where she hoped she'd cool down. She was wrong.
"Shepard…" she heard Lee call out, sounding more annoyed than anything, as if she'd taken offense to a harmless joke instead of having been deemed unworthy of touch by someone she'd trusted.
The frustration and pain burst through her, words exploding out of her mouth over the betrayal. "Am I so fucking disgusting that you can't even try to touch me?!"
Lee wandered to the doorway and gave Shepard an exasperated look, urging her back. "Come on, Shepard, it's not like that." She heard the blonde say, but the words sounded tired, hollow, fake.
"Then why can't you touch me, or even look at me beneath the shoulders? I have a lot more of my body to touch than just that! I'm not exactly getting good vibes right now…what the hell is wrong?" She ranted, glaring at Lee. She wanted the blonde to disappear, she wanted to be back on Amaterasu, she wanted to be in her bed and just cry. More than that, she desperately wanted Lee to walk over and ravage her.
"Shepard…" Lee started, before sighing and turning back into the living room. Shepard immediately followed, marching after her.
"I think a few months of me tirelessly going down on you has proven I'm fucking into you. I really, really like you, Lee. Tell me you feel the same…show me." She growled, fists angrily clenched at her sides.
Lee lazily spun to face her and motioned to the door. "I think you should just go."
Shepard had expected a number of responses. She'd hoped Lee would pounce on her. She thought the woman would maybe talk about some sort of fear, or phobia she hadn't discussed earlier, or that she simply didn't want her anymore, that she never did. She hadn't expected a casual dismissal.
Before she could think, she felt tears sting her eyes. "Why?" she choked out, her shoulders slumping slightly, her hands unclenching. It was difficult to feel angry when she felt so defeated.
"You're a good fuck, Shepard. You are…but I'm sorry, your body's a fucking wreck and I'm not touching it. Makes me cringe. I don't like cringing when I'm having sex, so unless you're up for tossing a shirt back on and getting back to work, I don't really want you here." Lee stated apathetically, one hand holding her temple as if Shepard's query had brought upon her a nagging ache.
She could barely think with her heart feeling like it was about to burst out of her chest, as if the blood vessels in her head would erupt at any moment. Her tears fell like foolish dreams, paths streaking down her cheeks, droplets splashing onto the floor below. "But…I thought you…we…" Shepard tried to speak, but she didn't know which words to use in the confusion. They had spent nearly a year in the N program together. Anything she once thought she knew about Lee had scattered to the wind.
Lee gave a short, restrained laugh that cut sharper than anything she'd said to her. "We helped each other through N, and we had fun. Let's leave it at that, Shepard. Go home." Lee stated firmly. Shepard felt her feet move her along the designated path and out the door, down the stairs, and out into the street.
Shepard rolled onto her side and nuzzled her head into the pillow, recalling what remnants of the rest of her stay on Terra Nova that she could. She remembered drinking for the first time in her life; she'd seen Lee drink tequila, so she'd bought a few bottles and somehow found her way to a hotel. She wasn't certain how long she had stayed there, or how Heather had found her, but eventually she was taken home.
The cost of her mistake had been terrible, changing her view on what her future had in store. Lee…Lee was a horrible mistake. I didn't see her coming, thought I'd found love and it was just…fake. That destroyed me. She mused to herself, glad that she'd long since gotten past the weeping and bawling stage of her grief. She just felt depressed over it all. Now, with Liara…I can't make that mistake again. Can I? I mean…is she just doing and saying things to manipulate me and keep me on the job to save her mom? Is she just going to escape with her mother if I manage to rescue her? Hell, if she isn't manipulating me…I mean, fuck. At least she…she's at least …
Shepard turned the pillow over in frustration, wanting to find a cool side of it to sleep on; though, she had a feeling sleep wouldn't come easily. Her hand returned to the area on her chest that Liara's hands had grazed after Presrop, a place Lee had never touched, at least not skin to skin. Why is this so confusing? What does she want from me?
"Liara, I need you to use singularities to keep those rockets away from us!" she heard the commander yell at her from across the hallway, both of them protecting Tali as the quarian's omni-tool recharged. It was immensely hectic, and her barriers were constantly collapsing under the firepower. What military in their right mind builds training areas with live ammunition? Rockets? This is absurd!
The call to join Shepard on the mission had initially thrilled her. She, Tali and Shepard would create one team, while Kaidan, Wrex and Ashley formed the other. The plan seemed to be that the other group would run a diversion, while Shepard's would sneak in and disable the core platform that the VI was running off. Learning that she would be fighting more mechanized opponents was nerve-wracking, but hearing one of Shepard's good friends had led a team in an attempt to disable the VI had quickly made the mission much more dangerous. She and Tali were moving as quickly as they could, trying to keep up with Shepard's sheer carnage, but it was difficult. As she threw out a singularity, she saw Shepard slide under it and erupt one of the roving artillery mechs with her shotgun.
"Shepard, be careful!" she yelled out, to no avail. If the woman could hear her, she wasn't listening. I do not blame her either. If this were mother we were chasing after…
Liara took the power from that thought and threw up a warp as Shepard's gun tore through two mechs' shields, the biotic attack tearing into both and rendering them useless; smoke and sparks emanating from each.
Liara moved from cover, following Shepard further into the building, Tali in tow. They had been at it for nearly a half an hour, and she could tell they were all tiring.
"Tali, how close are we?!" Shepard yelled out, far ahead of them, as she shot twice with her gun and kicked a destroyed mech aside in a single fluid motion.
"Forty one meters!" she quarian yelled out, the map on her omni-tool up and tracking the commander's friend's omni-tool. "Go left into that room!"
Shepard quickly spun on her heel and bounded into the next doorway and out of sight, the sounds of gunfire ringing out furiously as they neared. Goddess, she is going to get herself killed! As Liara moved through the doorway, a rocket skimmed inches over her head detonating a few metres away on a wall to the side of her. Instinctively, she scanned and dove for nearby cover, rolling behind a dense cargo crate, Tali following suit.
"This is madness!" Liara yelled out to the young quarian, who quickly looked over to her.
"No, this is Shepard!" Tali yelled back, another rocket whizzing over their heads. Tali quickly rolled out of cover, using her omni-tool to hack two of the robots into fighting for them temporarily, drawing fire from Shepard. The commander was far inside the room, battling the machines at close range so their rockets weren't accurate at all, flying past her instead. It seemed like a sound strategy, as the robots' only other weapon was a close range stun gun, and their platforms weren't agile in the least, letting the commander make quick work of them. She felt her nervousness fade, and decided to join in the fight, moving from that cover to a pillar closer to Shepard, and flung off a number of warps at the machines while Tali continued hacking, Chiktikka joining Shepard in the mix.
As the pack of machines slimmed, she realized that the strategy stopped being as functional, with the robots having more clearance to take shots, and more rockets being sent Shepard's way. Attempting to dodge a rocket, Liara watched Shepard trip on a fallen mech, losing her balance long enough to be vulnerable to the stun batons. She scanned the crowd of machines quickly and saw Chiktikka had just reduced the shields of one.
Focusing intently on the machine, she channeled her biotics around it and quickly spun it through the air, knocking over two of the other robots that had gotten closer to Shepard than she'd liked. Not missing a beat, Shepard fired off her shotgun four times, tearing through the machines, using her biotics to render the last non functional.
Standing over the smoking wreckage, Shepard sent Liara a thankful glance and darted off toward a storage room that had taken an egregious amount of missile fire. Liara could only imagine the survivors of the scientist group had trapped themselves in there, and the robots had been trying to break through.
"Tali, I need you to watch the doors in case any more come." Shepard called out to Tali, who quickly nodded as the commander turned to Liara. "And I'm going to need your help to pull this door away. It's going to be a damn pain."
Liara moved alongside Shepard and both focused their biotics on the beaten door, slowly bending it back into shape until it was flat enough to slide sideways. As soon as there was a small opening Shepard's helmet was off and her head was in; not assessing any danger, but merely desperate enough to learn of her friend's fate. A thought lingered in her mind, whether Shepard and this friend were more than close, but she quieted that thought until there was reason to believe it.
"Faridah?!" she heard the woman call out frantically before Shepard gave a violent push, sliding the door harshly to the side, making a wide opening and exposing a huddled half dozen people. "I need a medical team on hand, we have one critically wounded, and two more that can't walk out of here. I'm pinging out my location…Kaidan, get your team over here and keep this area defended." The woman said, hand to her ear as she seemingly spoke over open comms.
Liara moved into the room and began sliding crates over as possible cover in case of another attack. She knew the last thing they would need was to be trapped in a nook by machines that fired rockets. She used her biotics to lift two of the scientists with minor injuries onto the crates in the meantime, giving her the chance to bandage their wounds while Shepard packed what seemed to be some Alliance soldier with medi-gel, all the while with another scientist looking over the woman's shoulder. As Liara finished, she turned and moved to help with the more critically wounded man Shepard was trying to help, but seemed to be doing a mediocre job of it.
"Here, Shepard, I can take care of him. You finish doing what needs to be done." She said, not receiving verbal confirmation, but the sound of boots clomping off in Tali's direction.
The next few minutes were uneventful; she fielded questions from the two others, a scientist and a guard. Both were curious as to why an asari and a quarian were inside a classified Alliance outpost, but she certainly didn't care at all. They had been called upon to assist, and they were assisting. By the time she got the man stabilized, Kaidan's team had arrived with some stretchers and Alliance medical officers, who she gladly handed the trio of wounded off to.
Tali was the first and only of her group to return, and it was clear that the quarian was nervous about something due to her talons wringing together. The girl was rather transparent that way.
"Tali, what's wrong? Did you get the VI disabled?" Liara asked, worried that something had gone terribly wrong, and that she was about to tell her terrible news.
"Oh, uh…yes. Yes, the VI is offline." Tali stated, stumbling over her words.
"Then…where is Shepard?" Liara followed up, not wanting to demand an answer, but her worries hadn't been laid to rest.
"She is just catching up… with her friend." Tali stammered out, a hint of anger in her voice, walking quickly past her and toward the med team that was leaving quickly. She wished the quarian's response had eased her heart, but she couldn't be certain that such news wasn't terrible.
Shepard managed to stumble into Faridah's apartment; the two of them exhausted after their endeavour on the Luna training facility. She knew she often pushed herself hard on missions, but this had been different; outside of Therum when both her and Liara's lives were at stake, she'd never completely run dry, not since she was a child.
"Just take off your boots and go take a seat on the couch. I'll be there in a second." Faridah noted kindly; Shepard was in no condition to argue, and lazily found her way across the room to the soft red sofa and practically fell onto it. It was nice to have a night where she could just relax, and catch up. It's been too long…I wish I wasn't so tired.
She turned her head and caught sight of her friend in the kitchen, busy making coffee. Shepard had been so worried that Faridah had been hurt, and had spent a few minutes alternating between hugging her and cursing her out for taking such a risk. I'm just happy she left without a scratch…can't say the same for her friends, though…Christ, I should string the base commander up for ordering her and the others to go in alone…fuckers! And for that VI…it was more than just a regular VI. Tali was really angry when she got a look at its hardware.
Her temper waned as Faridah returned with two hot mugs, placing one by Shepard before taking a seat beside her.
"I figured you could use a wake-me-up." Her friend noted cheerfully, taking a sip of her own cup.
"Thanks." She answered sheepishly. Shepard had never enjoyed coffee, but used it at times to get a slight energy boost. She took a deep sip of her own and placed the mug back on its coaster.
Faridah gave Shepard a playfully scrutinizing look, an impish grin forming on her face. "So I suppose I should use your title now, Spectre." The woman said, clearly proud, but knew Shepard was in no state to do anything about her teasing.
"Yeah, yeah, get it out of your system. I'll wait." She said, rolling her eyes as she gently prodded her raven-haired friend.
"Please, Spectre, don't savage me with your attacks!" Faridah joked, laughing happily. As her laughter slowed, she rested a hand on Shepard's kneecap, shooting her an expectant look. "So Heather's been telling me about your little blue crush on the ship. Spill." She demanded softly, her lips widening into a smile.
Shepard could only sigh, wishing Heather would keep to herself, although she supposed she should have expected the turn of events. "It's nothing, she doesn't like me." She said simply, trying to figure out how best to talk about it with the woman. She knew Faridah would eventually milk the details out of her, and that made her nervous. She's always had that frustrating gift…she was always able to see right through me…
"Mmmhmm? Go on, I'm listening." Her raven-haired friend noted with amusement. "But you like her?"
"It doesn't matter if I do or not, but yes. She's not interested though…she said something about being happy to spend time with some other people on the crew, but didn't say anything about me." Shepard retorted, readjusting herself so that her head was propped up on the armrest, her legs slung over Faridah's.
"But she was probably with you when she told you that, so she obviously included you in that group. Come on, there's more to it than that. If Heather thinks she's into you, and you think she's not, then there has to be more than that." Faridah said in her best reassuring tone, her deep brown eyes peering into her. "Shepard…you know that what you say here, stays here. I won't tell anyone."
Shepard looked at her old friend and wished the woman didn't have such power over her. A simple, soft expression would melt her will, and she felt herself give in, a low chuckle escaping her throat. "You wouldn't believe me."
Faridah shifted closer to her and took Shepard's hand, tentatively squeezing it. "Shepard, if this asari's done something bad to you, I'll murder her with my own hands." Faridah warned, the threat coming out of nowhere for Shepard.
"What?! No, no, she…she hasn't done anything like that…" Shepard blurted out, blushing as memories of that night returned to her. "At least, not knowingly."
"Hrm. But…she DID do something, didn't she?" Faridah asked, a hint of excitement visible on her face. Shepard knew the woman loved mysteries, and didn't fault her for that. "I'm not going to laugh at you, Amber…no matter what it is."
The offer was kind, though she wasn't sure her friend would honour it. She couldn't help but imagine it would seem a little amusing outside of her personal context. "So…I had to deal with Major Kyle the other day. He ended up slaughtering a bunch of biotics and I couldn't save them all in time. I was… really really upset, as you can imagine." Shepard started, turning her head toward Faridah's table. "I ended up sparring with a krogan in my short-lived stupidity, and Liara…the asari…called me out. She tore into me really good and followed me from the cargo bay into my room. She ended up saying something that really hurt, and I kind of retreated into the shower."
She saw Faridah nod out of the corner of her eye, looking on in patience. "And when I got out, I started drying myself off, and I was in a bit better of a mood. I went to dry off my hair with the towel I'd been covering my body with and I heard a gasp behind me. She was…still there, waiting." She noted sheepishly, blushing at the memory, of how Liara's eyes scoured her body hungrily. Or, so she'd thought.
"She actually stayed around while you were showering?" Faridah asked, as baffled as Shepard was over the behavior. She thought it was common knowledge to just leave.
"She ate the chocolate Heather gave me too." She noted sadly, ignoring the widening smile on Faridah's face that the woman was doing a poor job hiding. She had really been looking forward to it. "Anyway, we sat around awkwardly and she…she tried complimenting me, I think, but I got really mad at her."
Faridah sighed, her smile sinking into a frown. "Shepard, you really need to work on that. You're a good person, it's alright for others to think so too." The woman said softly squeezing her hand again.
"Well, she called me a hero, and I went on my rant, and somehow we ended up…she kind of fell onto my bed. She had this look in her eyes and…I couldn't look at her anymore, so I just sat at the end of the bed, and I said something stupid that I knew she'd latch onto." Shepard continued, her blush deepening as she remembered the utter embarrassment of the following few minutes. "But instead of just…talking to me, she kind of threw me onto the bed and straddled me."
Faridah's hand left Shepard's, both of the woman's finding her own head in complete shock. "She what?!" Faridah exclaimed loudly, looking on in disbelief.
"I uh…tried to get her off me, but she used a singularity to bind my hands, and then she….fuck, you get the picture." Shepard said, feeling too self conscious to continue.
"No, no I really don't. Keep going." Faridah said, still a wild, surprised look in her eyes, her body still but for breathing.
Shepard gulped back her fear and insecurity, taking heart that she at least had someone who wasn't on the ship that she could talk to about it. That it was Faridah just helped that much more. "She pretty much grabbed my boobs, leaned in close to me and started caressing my face, saying nice, comforting things. I was definitely a wreck that day, but…but I thought I saw something in her eyes, and…and when she leaned in really close, I…went to kiss her." She said, feeling like her cheeks would explode from how much blood was pooling in them. "She ignored me and…she just kept staring at me, waiting for me to answer one of her questions. So…so I did that instead."
"Fuck." Faridah spoke, seemingly similarly as confused over the asari's behavior.
"I mean, she basically ogled me, groped me, and…and then just doesn't seal the deal? I think touch to asari means something different than it does to us. I was kind of really upset after that, but…she started giving me a massage." Shepard reasoned, pausing for a moment as a wistful look flitted across her friend's face. She knew Faridah remembered their brief encounter, but they were long past that. They had much different lives, and both were rather attached; Faridah to her fiancé, and Shepard to her duty. "Anyway, I pretty much melted and then…well, I gave her information on Torfan, like she wanted. And then it was all over."
Faridah sat still, her hands finally returning to her side. "I…don't understand." Her friend said simply. Shepard nodded in agreement.
"Neither do I, but I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't like me…not like that. She could have had me after the shower, she could have kissed me, she could have escalated the massage. She … cares for me, but probably just because she needs me to do something for her." Shepard explained sadly, wishing reality wasn't always so bleak in that area of her life.
Faridah looked on thoughtfully, taking a few moments to think. "Shepard, I just want to say one thing to you." Her friend started. "You've said a lot, explained a lot but really…at most it just means she doesn't like you that way yet. Key word being 'yet'."
"Faridah…" Shepard started, hoping to cut the woman off, but Faridah raised a finger to her mouth, a request for her to finish her piece.
"You have to put yourself out there. You have to just…if you like her, then do things to try and win her over. Hell, I had to do that with Jared. He was clueless!" Faridah exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in mock frustration. "I know Lee really messed you up, but she's just one woman. Don't let her stop you from finding anyone. This Liara would be lucky to have you."
"I don't know about that. I've been a basketcase lately. But…I do feel better knowing you're safe. Finally did something right since Therum." Shepard grumbled to herself.
"What happened on Therum?" Faridah asked curiously, giving Shepard her best puppy-dog eyes, hoping for more answers.
"I…uh…we went into a volcano and rescued Liara. It ended up exploding, and it was close…" Shepard began, a blush returning to her cheeks.
"You saved her life…seriously, I guess that's just your thing. But none of us are really damsels in distress, are we?" Faridah asked playfully, her smile wiping away some of Shepard's nervousness.
She shifted her gaze away from Faridah and to the tiled floor, feeling foolish for continuing the conversation when everything was so clear to her. "She saved mine too once, so we're even on that. And in terms of princess material…she's pretty close, really. Highly esteemed prothean researcher, wealthy and influential family, and she's honestly adorably sweet. I might be a Spectre, but I don't have…that kind of family, and I don't have a lot of money, and I'm not as educated or cultured, or anything."
"So? Wasn't Lee from a well off family? Some big mining corporation's CEO's daughter?" Faridah asked, skeptical of Shepard's logic, though she wasn't sure why.
"That's kind of my point, Faridah." Shepard noted, moving to a sitting position. "We're too different. We don't fit."
"Not if you won't let yourself try, Amber." Her friend said softly, leaning up against her slightly. "Why can't you?"
Shepard sat there, her brain a mess from how Faridah had mined out the information. She wasn't sure whether to continue or to hold off in hopes her friend would cease fire.
"I just…" she started, closing her eyes and mouth when the words caught at the back of her throat. There was a lot to say, and she was scared to say it. Terrified. Faridah's arm snaked around her waist, pulling her into a light hug.
"Amber, you need to just let it out. I'm here for you." Faridah whispered, gently swaying the two side to side. It was a comforting feeling.
Shepard leaned into her and just enjoyed the sensation as she collected her thoughts. "I always felt like the galaxy was too big for me...that I needed to share it with someone who could experience it with me, all of its joy and wonder and everything. Naïve… I know. I just...I eventually came to realize I couldn't have that." Shepard started, the guilt of letting go of her dreams still raw as always, her heart aching at the thought. "It took a while to be okay with it, and it helped that I'd never really had it, never been close at all."
She took a deep breath, feeling trepidation over what she wanted to say; whether she wanted to skip things, or just blurt it out. Hell, since I'm already at it…
"I decided I'd hopefully have the kids at Amaterasu one day a week for as long as I could stay alive. Maybe watch them grow into the amazing people I know they can be. That they will be." She noted, a small, sad smile creeping across her face as she recalled the fun she'd had with the children, the blasto plushie one had given her. If there was one thing she knew she'd be proud of when she died, it was helping expand their minds for a few hours each Sunday. "And…I wanted to see my best friend fall in love and know that she'd be kept safe when I went."
Shepard felt Faridah tense up beside her, and anticipating her friend would pull away, she gently reciprocated the hug.
"I do. And I want to see Heather find someone too. Not that I'm some soul mate believer, or someone who believes in fairytale happy endings…at least not for people like me… but I want to know that if I disappeared, that my tiny absence in your lives could be filled with a love like I have for you two." She stated, half wishing she hadn't even started speaking that night, and instead had fallen asleep on the sofa. The other half was happy she could get it all off her chest.
"I didn't expect to ever have more than that. I'm scared to want more than that, because that means I'm putting myself out there again, giving the galaxy another chance to prove I can't. And I'm not sure I could handle that. I can take what I'm living with now, knowing that I gave it a shot, and… I'm fine with what I have… even if I'm kinda not." She continued, knowing Faridah would understand well that another situation like Lee would be crippling. "Even if things might have changed since then. I don't want to know it hasn't." she finished with a whisper, a mixture of relief and grief washing over her. Now that the words had been spoken, they seemed more real, and while the long-held burden was gone, her reality was truly sinking in, and it was heavy.
Faridah merely remained clung to her side, gently swaying as minutes passed. I'm just so tired…I'm so tired of being alone, but…I can't…nobody wants damaged goods like me. No one wants a wrecked body. I've got a mission to do…that's what I'm good for.
"Amber…the only way you're going to catch her heart is by showing you're brave and caring enough to deserve it." Faridah whispered after a long, comfortable silence. "Life doesn't wait forever."
Shepard released a breathy sigh, letting go of Faridah so that she could slump up against the arm-rest again. "And a big heart's an easy target, Faridah. The mission's too important for me to run off and collapse if things don't work out. People need me, and it's not worth losing my new friends over. I don't want to get hurt."
"Do you trust her?" Faridah asked, a question that was deceptively complex. Liara cares for me, and…she said she wouldn't willingly hurt me, but…but I can't ever blame her for causing me pain if she isn't interested in me! She can't promise that…
"I don't know." Shepard responded, earning a look from Faridah that basically meant that she should give a more polarized answer. Not that it was easy to come to any kind of conclusion on the issue. "I mean, I guess, yeah. She said she doesn't want me to be uncomfortable with her, and doesn't want to hurt me with melds or anything, and she's always nagging me about my injuries."
She saw Faridah smirk and decided she'd made a terrible mistake. Her friend had decided, and she knew she had a long night ahead of her.
"Sounds like her and I would get along well." Faridah quipped playfully, her smirk spreading into a devilish grin.
"Sounds like you two would tie me up at the first sign of a bruise." Shepard scoffed, taking a sip of her now warm coffee.
Faridah prodded Shepard in the chest twice before hopping off the sofa and onto her feet. "Sounds like you'd like that, from how much you were blushing earlier."
Christ. She's not going to let me live that down…I just know it. She thought, grumbling to herself. But…I suppose I would probably like it if Liara did it…as much of a freak that might make me.
"So what do you two talk about, anyway?" Faridah asked from the kitchen. Shepard sluggishly moved off the sofa and over to the nearby bar, taking a stool.
"I don't know. We apologize to each other a lot, I guess." Shepard started, ignoring Faridah's unimpressed scowl. "And we talk about asari culture, her upbringing…my childhood, in spots, I guess…and other things."
Faridah pulled a bottle of wine from one of her closets and placed it on a nearby counter. "Other things? You can be specific, you know." Her friend said mockingly, shaking her head. "And she hasn't gone running into the hills after hearing about you, has she?"
"No, she actually read up on Torfan and Elysium and everything. Said I was fascinating, but then again, I do have a prothean mishmash of things in my brain. She IS a prothean researcher." Shepard noted, rolling her eyes at her friend's amused grin. "As for other things…well, she invited me to meditation every morning, said it might help me with focusing my biotics. And she did comment on my shower gel once."
Faridah's head cocked to the side, her eyes widening. "Amber…did she see your shower gel…or did she smell it?" Faridah asked, her expression far too eager for an answer that Shepard wasn't excited to give.
"She…uh…smelled it. Liara was kind of surprised that we have ones that smell like food, though…apparently asari only use flowers and plants for theirs, or something." She noted, thinking it was weird that Liara had found it so confusing. And that she thought I was sending a message for me to be…eaten…Christ…
"And? So we know she's interested in your history, she likes how you smell, she is most likely attracted to you, and you saved her life…and she saved yours…" Faridah listed off, each element a little hard for her to accept. "I'm going to have to agree with Heather, and I'm going to say that maybe you should give it another shot."
Shepard looked over to a vase of blue tulips near the edge of the bar. They were fresh, and had recently bloomed. Seeds of flowers wait months…seasons to bloom. Each day just waiting to sprout, waiting to grow, waiting to bloom…so much waiting, so many false starts that can happen…maybe…
"I'm not saying you put yourself out there a hundred percent, Amber." She heard beside her, not having noticed Faridah move the distance. "But just try. Do something for yourself, for once. Your future can still be bright."
She nodded her head, feeling entirely exhausted, but a bit more confident than she'd been in a long time. Not even that Liara would be interested, but just knowing that someone else believed in her, combined with that person being able to push all of her buttons.
"Faridah, can I ask you a favour?"
Heather was bored. It had been hours since the successful retrieval of Faridah, but she'd been stuck on duty all night, and wouldn't be able to see her friend for another few hours. Secretly, she wished she had Spectre privileges, but she knew she wouldn't be able to do the physical portion. So she waited, while she imagined Shepard and Faridah were having a nice relaxing chat.
"Hey comm girl, just wanted to ask…did you know that if you rearrange the letters of your name, you get 'A leather hunter'?" She heard Joker ask over her headset.
"No, not really. And don't even think about asking me to get into commando leathers." Heather shot back, more than a little grumpy that she was working the late shift.
"Spoilsport. And you can also get 'Urethane lather'. Hrm? Hrm?" Joker noted, nearly drawing a laugh from her despite his terrible suggestive phrases.
"Joker, you realize urethane is dangerous. There are better, easier ways to call me a bitch, you know. All of which will get you assaulted." She retorted, playing along so that she could at least try to amuse herself.
"And you can also get 'Threaten hauler'…way to live up to your name, comm girl." The pilot laughed, his insistence on sticking with anagrams beginning to annoy her.
"Joker, you've stooped so low, you can't reach my tits." Heather quipped back, noticing the voice channel cut out almost right afterward, followed by a set of repressed sounding laughs coming from the cockpit.
She grumbled off a few expletives and returned to her intense duty of wishing she was on shore leave for the night. It would be a long one unless her wishes came true.
"Heather?" she heard called out, the familiar melodic voice turning her head immediately. Blue.
Heather took her headset off, resting it by her terminal and she spun her chair to face the asari. "What's up, Liara?"
She witnessed the prothean researcher's eyes shoot up to the ceiling, returning back down to Heather as a flicker of frustration washed across her face. Heather couldn't believe the asari would even consider such a thing, and wanted to laugh, but she just felt bad. She always saw others using human slang terms around her; some of the crew would do it to have some fun confusing her. She'd always felt the asari had an air of superiority about them, and certainly Liara wasn't an exception, but she didn't feel like adding onto the ribbing that night.
"I…was wondering if you could help me with a query of mine." The asari spoke calmly, but clearly still embarrassed for mistaking Heather's intent. Heather gave her a nod and a slight shrug, as she continued. "I was wondering if you could tell me what Shepard enjoys."
The question didn't entirely catch her off guard, but it was surprising to her that the blue wonder would be so up front. "Uh, and why are you asking?" she asked her, cautious to give away any details. She knew how Shepard was, and didn't know much about asari, and didn't plan on letting any mishaps go down.
"I have noticed she has been very stressed lately, and…rather down on herself. I wish to help her with that." Liara answered with a nervous smile. "And…I do not know very much about her, I realized. I am…curious."
Well, if it was only the thought that counted, I'd give it to you, doc, but…no go, tonight. She thought, shaking her head. "Sorry, you'll need to go through her for that. Ask Shepard." She answered, reaching for her headset, halted as Liara stepped closer.
"Please, I cannot do that." The doctor stated sadly. Heather quirked her eyebrow up in question, something Liara seemed to understand. "Shepard…I am worried that she is angry with me. I do not want to approach her until I know how I can make it better." Liara finished, looking like a nervous wreck. Shepard had told her once that the doctor probably had some social anxiety, but she saw more than that in the asari's expression and body language. She saw enough to not think Liara was a lost cause, like Shepard had previously convinced her she was.
"Did…did you really eat Shepard's chocolate?" she asked the asari, who blushed furiously at the inquiry, her sheepish nod sending her into a laughing fit. It just seemed too funny to imagine the asari gobbling it up while Shepard watched, or while she had her back turned. It was too hilarious. She wiped tears from her eyes as she forced away her laughter, feeling pity for the anxious doctor. "I'm sorry, it's just…never steal food from her unless you're willing to make it up to her."
As if a light bulb was above her head and flashed on, Liara's face lit up with excitement. "That's what she must be upset about! I ate her chocolate, and didn't offer her any food in return. A simple solution…I merely had no idea Shepard cared for food so much." The doctor rambled happily, though Heather didn't buy the reasoning at all.
"Um, sorry to burst your bubble…uh, I mean, disappoint you…but that's not really it." Heather noted, feeling worse as the asari's face fell into confusion and disappointment. "She's just going through a hard time right now. Things haven't gone well for her lately. Just keep visiting her, she'll need your support."
She watched as Liara kind of disappeared into her thoughts, slowly shifting back and forth as she balanced on one foot and then the other. Probably just a nervous quirk or whatever…a weird one, but…
"Doc, do you have any musical talent?" Heather asked, recalling the doctor was high born, and was probably trained in something.
Liara broke out of her haze and nodded. "I play the Ekota, but it has been years since I have played…I do not even have one of my own anymore since my mother sent me away." Liara noted, her words tinged with sadness. Heather thought back to her own wonderfully obtuse parents and couldn't imagine them ever disowning her, which is how she saw Liara's treatment. "I was only ever satisfactory…strong enough to do circuits within Armali and Serrice for a decade, never taking a solo of my own. It was…somewhat embarrassing. I would not want to further embarrass myself by attempting to sing alongside Shepard, either."
Heather froze momentarily in shock, not quite believing the words that casually spilled from the asari's mouth. Shepard? Sing? What? Since when…?
"Uh, Shepard doesn't sing, she plays piano." Heather noted, correcting her warily.
Liara merely looked at heather as if she had two heads. "I have heard her voice…it is much different than my own, than traditional asari opera. We simply would not complement each other, I fear." Liara added a little woefully, totally ignoring Heather's surprise.
"You've heard her sing?" Heather asked, still stunned. Shepard had never ever brought that up. She'd always been secretive about her music; she had never really heard her play the piano, let alone sing. And Liara's heard both? Fuck…how?
"Yes, I happened upon her playing her instrument and singing one night. She was…surprised when she realized I was at her door. After we had talked, she was nice enough to play me another, although she did not sing that one." Liara explained, her reasoning making sense, though Heather couldn't imagine the asari's luck. For years she'd tried to sneak up on the woman while she was playing. She'd only ever gotten close enough to hear a note or two before Shepard had stopped, having some ludicrous sixth sense for sneaking Heathers.
"I've never heard her do any of those before." She noted, shaking her head in disbelief. Liara's shrug just perplexed her further. She just doesn't think that's important? That…fuck. And she played her another song after? Methinks Amber's damn smitten with her, and also very, very blind. Damn, this was much easier when it was Faridah and her…just took a little prodding to push Faridah toward her. I saw how she looked at Amber, even if she might not have understood it at the time. Damn easy stuff, and at least only one of them was clueless. These two… "You're really lucky. She loves music." She finished, giving Liara a hint at what Shepard enjoyed.
Liara smiled in return, seemingly relieved to be given some idea of how to improve her situation with the commander. "Thank you for your help, Heather. I will look up music for her perhaps…" she spoke, her voice trailing off as she began to escape into her thoughts.
"I think that could be alright, but seriously…just keep visiting her. She'll really like that." Heather insisted, wanting the two to be around each other more often. If she had her way, the two would quickly become an item, but her skills were rather rusty.
"I am not certain that is a good idea, Heather. I do not want to further upset her, or make her uncomfortable, especially if she is managing some personal trauma or issue that is troubling her." Liara stated, shaking her head.
Heather got out of her seat slowly and walked over to the asari. "Liara, I'll let you in on a not so well kept secret." She said, Liara's attention immediately captured. Damn, those eyes are blue as hell… she thought, shaking the distraction free as she continued. "Shepard, when left alone to think, tends to make mountains out of molehills. She hates disappointing others and herself, and if she has time to think…she'll get into a bad place for a few days, mentally."
Liara's eyes grew wide at the revelation. "Then…what can I do?" she asked, the doctor's focus so intent on Heather that she couldn't help but feel a little unnerved.
"You…can provide a distraction. That usually works. I tend to drag her into a kitchen and we make all sorts of food…and by the way, that chocolate you ate was a gift of hers from me, so you're going to take this advice." Heather noted, hoping she would have the doctor under her thumb, at least for the moment. "Honestly, I can't give any recommendations for music, I've never heard her play. We also don't have a kitchen on the ship, or any decent supplies, so food is out of the question. Liara, you need to watch a vid with her. Get her mind off things."
Liara's head cocked slightly to the side. "I…suppose that could be a worthy distraction, but…what if I have offended her in the past and she denies me?"
Heather shook her head animatedly, smiling. "You don't let her refuse. Insist that she watch the vids with you if you need to. Bring Blasto, or any horror vid, really. She'd love any of those."
Liara stood, her mouth quirked to the side, and Heather could almost see the thoughts rushing through the asari's mind, and could certainly see the indecision growing on her face. "I…there is not much space in her quarters…due to the cramped nature, I fear we will be forced to sit closely together, and that I will make her tense. Often, I have tried to ease her, and Shepard simply grows tenser. It is confusing."
Heather once again felt her jaw drop slightly at the casual confession. What?! What kind of easing is going on between them? Shepard…what are you not telling me?
"What exactly do you mean by…easing?" Heather asked, desperately wanting to know if there was anything going on between the two. It seemed as if Liara was saying one thing, and Shepard something else entirely.
"I suppose traditional asari relaxation techniques, touches meant to provide comfort, serenity." Liara stated offhandedly, nervously continuing with blushing cheeks as Heather gave her a questioning look. "I…suppose that perhaps such practice may be uncommon with humans. I…have not done proper research, it seems."
Heather gave her head a small shake, hoping her plan hadn't hit a snag. "Liara, you did honestly try to make Shep feel better with those, though…right?" she asked, earning a quick sincere nod from the asari. "Okay. Well, look, just go with the vid-marathon plan. Force her if she doesn't want to. She'll relent."
"You are certain that this will be alright? That she will enjoy watching vids, even if she is troubled?" Liara asked, clearly not convinced.
"She just needs time to realize that she doesn't need to be down on herself. Having someone with her, who she can just have fun and be comfortable with…it'll work. She's predictable like that." Heather noted cheerfully, earning a slow nod from the doctor. "And heck, I'll even throw you some vids and extranet sites to visit so you can brush up on human communication."
Her last statement brightened the asari's mood tremendously, and quickly found herself in a light hug. "Thank you, Heather. I will not let you down." Liara said kindly, pulling away.
"Hey, I should be thanking you. I just want her to cheer up, but I can't be the only one to help her out, right?" Heather said, getting a firm nod from the asari. "Now it's late, and you look tired. Just go get some rest."
Heather shook her head in amusement at the excited asari as she sat back down at her terminal and tossed on her headset. Well, I did what I could…my plan may be so cunning that I could brush my teeth with it…if Liara can pull it off. Now all I need is for dense ol' Shep to stumble into the trap…
There was so much to consider. Liara had spent the past two hours scanning some articles and watching videos that Heather had sent her. They all seemed much clearer than the peer reviewed studies she'd been using as a reference before. She hadn't known there were so many subtle ways of communicating, and that actions often had second or third underlying meanings for humans that she'd been entirely unaware of. The more she read and watched, the more confusing humans became to her. However, the more confusing they became, the more she wanted to know, and she had only stepped away from her terminal once her eyes could hardly see straight anymore.
A number of the sources did not paint the clearest picture of how to approach Shepard, but there was one rather intimate video that showed a variety of touches that she would have considered to be simply comforting or perhaps lightly sensual, where humans considered them rather sensual or even sexual. Liara blushed, recalling she had touched Shepard once in a similar way, but couldn't recall the woman's reaction. The only thing I truly remember well is that…tantalizing shiver when I touch where her scar meets her jaw…Goddess…It seems certainly involuntary, but…did she feel pleasure from it? Did she want me to…oh Liara, do not be silly. Humans are impulsive, she would have told, or asked me to continue if she had enjoyed it like that…if she desired me…
She moved across the room and sat on top of her cot, resting her head in her hands as she considered her options. Should I ask her to watch a vid tomorrow? The ship is to be held here for at least part of the day tomorrow, so I have heard the crew say. Perhaps that would be opportune? She wouldn't be preparing for a specific mission…but…she may wish to spend time with that scientist woman. Or she may simply deny me, wanting to focus on the mission as a whole instead. She mused, her thoughts darkening. When she had been told Shepard would not return to the ship, and was instead visiting the other human, her heart ached terribly. I do not wish to feel something as petty as jealousy…if this woman has taken Shepard's heart, then I must accept that. But…I would have to question why she would leave Shepard alone for so long, considering human life spans are so short. Are they truly together? I…I cannot assume that. She may just be an old friend…Shepard said she was, at least…
As she moved to slip under the covers, she heard the control panel for her door buzz. Curious, she delayed the end of her night and moved over to the door, her hand tentatively touching the unlock function. The door slid open and a figure practically blew by her; it took a number of moments for her to realize Shepard was in the lab, placing a large silver box on top of a crate on the far end of the room. Liara held her gaze to the woman, noticing her exhaustion as she turned, apparently relieved at where she had decided to place her object, or perhaps something else that Liara was unaware of.
"Shepard, is everything alright?" she asked warily; she had rarely seen the woman so out of breath.
"Just…that thing's kind of heavy and I had to carry it really quickly over to the ship." Shepard stated, sinking down onto one of the chairs near the desk. "I'm sorry…I should have asked to come in, it's late. I'm sorry." The woman blurted out nervously.
Liara slowly moved and sat on the swiveling chair beside her. She then noticed a small leather bag slung across the woman's torso. Interesting… "I always like speaking with you, Shepard." Liara said with a smile, breaking eye contact to get a better look at the silver item. "What is the box for?"
Shepard's lips curled into a bright smile, and Liara felt her heart flutter at the sight. "I wanted to make good on a promise." She answered, cryptically, which only intensified Liara's curiosity.
As she went to ask a probing question, a dinging sound called out from the object, startling her. Shepard, momentarily reinvigorated, hopped off her chair and moved over to the box.
Liara watched with curiosity as the woman pulled some thick mittens from her bag and placed three plates on top of the silver object; one large and two smaller ones. She had an idea of what the commander had brought, which was confirmed as she opened the box, a familiar aroma quickly filling the room. It was slightly different from Shepard's, a little spicier, warmer, fresher. A smile crept across her face, not having expected the gesture.
Shepard quickly pulled out a tray and piled the contents on the larger plate, quickly shuttling between the desk and the portable oven as she placed plates in front of their seats, finally sitting as she laid the larger plate between them. The aroma was mouthwatering, and the food items were much different looking than she had expected.
"Faridah was kind enough to lend me this when I realized she had the ingredients. I had to make her a batch of her own before this one, but this one was made better. I'd never baked with a portable oven before." Shepard explained, using a small set of tongs to place one of the buns on each of their plates. Liara watched her take another container from her bag, squeezing a slightly thick white paste onto the buns, which quickly melted and seeped into the swirly cracks. "They're a bit hot, so I figured some icing would help them cool off a little."
Liara took an eager sniff, smiling at the product of the woman's efforts. "It smells absolutely delicious. Thank you, Shepard." She said, wanting to devour it, but not wanting to scald her mouth.
Shepard took off the mitts, her hands escaping into the curls on the back of her head. "I…just wanted to apologize for being a bit grumpy lately. I can't promise I won't still be a little down and out, but…everything's been a mess lately. I shouldn't let it affect how I am toward you or anyone else." The woman stated nervously, her eyes intently focusing on the bun in front of her.
"Shepard you do not need to apologize." Liara spoke softly, wanting to reach out and comfort her, but the information she had come across reminded her of how regrettable that could be.
"I just…barely anything's gone right these past weeks. Thousands were slaughtered on Eden Prime. Good Alliance soldiers were killed by Cerberus. The colonists on Feros all died. The poor biotics on Presrop were almost all killed. To cap it off, your mother's indoctrinated, which means it'll be hard enough to rescue her…even harder to figure out how to get rid of the indoctrination." Shepard noted sadly, shaking her head. "It's just been hard to stomach all that."
"And I did not do you a kindness in having you show me Torfan." Liara added quietly, avoiding the commander's shifting glance, and avoiding thoughts about her mother. She did not want to taint the last moments of the night, especially while in Shepard's company.
"Liara, I gave that to you. And…despite everything, I'm alright. It's nice to know that after years of saying that I'm alright about it, that I really AM alright with it." The woman retorted. "And we got a bit of a win today. Reminded me that I haven't failed at everything so far…I didn't fail you on Therum. And I didn't fail today, so we have some celebrating to do. Cinnamon buns seemed fitting."
"I suppose celebration is in order. Thank you for the food." Liara said, picking up the hot, sticky bun with a hand. "And thank you for celebrating it with me."
She watched the commander smile shyly as she bit into the food, the taste eliciting a faint moan of pleasure from her throat as she slowly savoured the food. Goddess…this is…glorious!
Liara gave another hum of contentment as she took another eager bite; she knew the icing was making a terrible mess over her chin and the surrounding area, but she truly didn't care. The brown spice lining the walls of the spiraling dough was tremendously tasty, complimented nicely by the sweetness of the dough and icing. She assumed it was often a dessert, but greedily eyed the stack of buns on the larger plate. If she truly wanted to, she could make a meal out of it. She wouldn't even feel guilty.
"Do you like it?" she heard the woman ask cautiously, her glimmering hazel eyes watching her expectantly.
"Shepard…" she spoke, considering eating the rest of the bun before resuming speaking, but her mind kicked in and placed her hunger aside. She had a guest, who had provided her the dessert, and who was speaking to her. "These are delicious! I had not expected anything so…rich and savory. Thank you so very much." She said, offering Shepard a kind smile before greedily finishing her bun.
"I'm just glad you like them. It's never any trouble to bake them, so long as I have the ingredients." Shepard said happily, her smile infectious as Liara felt herself reciprocate.
"So if I were to present you with a kitchen and supplies, and offered you work as a personal baker of mine, you would not object?" Liara asked playfully, taking another bun off the larger plate.
"Well, I suppose if there wasn't an overarching plot to destroy the galaxy, I'd probably be okay with that." Shepard noted, a light laugh sounding from her. "Though I'm not sure what you'd do with the extras."
Swallowing her food, Liara gave Shepard a sidelong look. "What extras? Truly, I am certain I could find many houses on Thessia that would finance such a business quite happily, Shepard. You are very good at this."
Shepard just laughed and got up from her chair. "Well, now that I know you're happy and fed, I'm going to go get some rest. The oven seals are air-tight with the switch at the top, so when you want to pack them up, just toss them back in and they'll be fine." She said cheerfully as she strolled toward the door, prompting Liara to look at the amount of dessert that was left for her. Shepard had only taken a single bun. "You can share them in the morning if you'd like, but I wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't."
"Shepard." She called out quietly as the woman pressed the panel for the door, bringing Shepard's attention to her. Liara gracefully made her way over to the woman and embraced her in a hug; her cheek rested softly against Shepard's, and her lips were barely an inch at most from her ears. She wished her hair was down, but she knew she could always try the get the woman to untie it during the vid watching session. "Thank you for everything. Will I see you tomorrow?" she asked, her voice soft and quiet, not wanting to harm the woman's hearing.
Shepard tensed slightly at her words, but she felt her head move up and down slowly. "Of course." The woman practically whispered, her voice slightly breathier. Separating themselves, Shepard stepped through the doorframe. "Sweet dreams, Liara."
Liara turned away and smiled mirthfully, happiness bubbling within her. She had been certain the woman was much too interested in the mission, or perhaps her old friend, to possibly care for her, but the small gestures Shepard had offered, and the body language the woman carried spoke otherwise. She…she might feel it too…Goddess, that would be…exciting? I am not sure…it is all so confusing and new, but…she is so lovely. She mused to herself, setting aside a third bun before placing the rest into the oven for storage. Perhaps I will just need to return her affection…in manners she would be able to understand.
Taking a bite of the new, tasty bun, she smiled. I shall have some compelling researching to do tomorrow.
A/N: So yeah, this chapter's long and full of fluff. So fun to write, but I was worrying, since I was already at such a massive word count after the first two true scenes (Shep with Heather and thoughts of Lee, and then the luna base bit). Didn't think I could have split this and made it work, so I kept it. Sorry if that was a trouble, I promise the chapters will be shorter in the future. I usually try to aim between 6-8k, and that won't change.
So yes, things seem to be progressing. Hrm.
Anywho, got a busy weekend, so the next chapter won't likely be up until next week sometime. I figure that's acceptable.
Thanks go out to all my readers, all my supporters. :) It's always nice knowing I'm giving someone some entertainment, and to you reviewers, I love hearing from you. You're excellent!
Anywho, have a great weekend, all!