I sat in history class, the next day. It was pouring outside, the peach trees whipping wildly in the gushes of wind and water. After class, Trish and I trudged to the cafeteria, which happened to be outside. Plump, succulent red grapes dripped from vines above, plopping down onto the ground, their gray flesh squishing under the rubber soles of my red sneakers. I sat down on one of the benches, warm rain soaking the blue denim of my jeans. I took out the limp salad I had picked out for lunch. Trish was sitting with Cassidy and Kira. After Austin had gone, it had changed the entire group. Trish started teasing me, as she always had, but this time it was harsher. I had started to ignore her calls and avoid hanging out with her. The last time we had hung out after school was five months ago. We had been sitting on her white couch and sucking on cherry lollipops and she had told me that it was "kinda odd how you and Austin were best friends. You don't really see many friendships between gorgeous guys and ugly girls. Usually people who are friends are at the same hotness level." I had stood up and walked out of her house. We had all reacted differently. Trish with anger that she took out on me, Dez with outright denial, and me…
The first day I had been so worried. I thought he was kidnapped. I searched all of Miami until finally I reached the Moon's door. I remember that day so well…
The fall leaves rattled around me, frosted gravel crunching under my feet, a tongue-red sun hanging above my head. I knocked on the door and Ms. Moon opened it.
"Wheres Austin?" I asked, my voice quivering. She pulled me in for a hug, so close that I could smell her cranberries and cinnamon perfume and see the small constellation of moles on her neck. Then she took a step back, her eyes crinkling in a sad smile.
"He's off to New York City, sweetie."
"Why?"
"He got a big time record deal."
"When will he be back?"
"I don't know, Ally. I don't know."
I sucked a shocked breath in when the bell that signaled lunch was over jarred me out of the memory. I slowly walked to Calculas, and sat numbly in my desk. I began doodling daisy's and hearts in my notebook while the teacher introduced a new student. The girls in the class began whispering, and giggling and gasping. Some of them shrieked in pure ectasy. Most likely the new guy was hot. I didn't even bother to look up. Its not like someone causing that much commotion would give me the time of day anyway. I heard someone plop into the desk next to me, but I continued drawing. I looked up, and let out a small shriek at the flawless face before me.
"Now, now, Ms. Dawson. I already went over this with the other female students and some male ones too. You are not to scream at the face of, ask an autograph of, or treat differently in any way Austin. He is here to enjoy a normal high school experience. I know its quite exciting, but please rein yourself in. The next time this happens you will be sent to the princabals office."
Austin smirked at me, leaning against the back of his chair. He was wearing a clean white t-shirt with a black leather jacket and dark blue jeans. He grinned down his nose at me as if he was a king and I was the court clown. He looked down at his paper, and began writing. I couldn't help but notice the way his bicep flexed underneath the velvety leather while he wrote or how his dark blonde hair messily fell around his eyes, a perfect contrast to his tanned skin and rosy lips. He looked up at me, snickering. I had been caught staring at him. I blushed and looked down. I scowled at the A+A I had subconsciously drawn in a heart in my notebook. I needed to remind myself why I shouldn't forgive him, because I could taste the words on the tip of my tongue. I pulled out my worn songbook, flipping to old entries. My brain caught a few fragments of sentences as I flipped through the writing.
I will never forgive him.
I feel like he took my heart and threw it into the gutter, into the oily puddles and used cigarette butts
Every magazine cover, billboard and T.V. screen he's on feels as if it's mocking me for having thought that he could have loved me too
If I were being honest with myself, it was the most heartbreaking because at last I thought he might have shared the feelings I had had for him for years.
We sit together in the park. Tangled blueberry bushes and a yellow sky are behind us. We are writing a song, and his soothing voice and the guitar notes carry in the air, wrapping my entire body in violent tingles. I stare at him as he sings.
How long till I stop pretending
What we have is never ending
If all we are is just a moment
Don't forget me cause I won't and
I can't help myself
In the cocoon of earth and dew catching sunlight like diamonds, I was memerized by him. He looked like a fallen angel with his golden hair and dark eyes. His voice faded into the air and his face leaned closer to mine. I thought I heard him whisper, "I can't help myself", his hot breath on my skin, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist and his lips came crashing into mine.
And then he was gone the next day.