"Excitedly, five minutes until we dock, Commander." Joker spoke over the comms in Shepard's room. "With exaggerated intensity, we'll have thirty minutes in the elcor docking bay before we need to high-tail it out of there."
Shepard shook her head and let out a sigh. Ever since she'd told Joker the plan about unloading Benezia's pod secretly on the elcor's docking bay, the pilot had been speaking exclusively to her like elcor. It was both amusing and aggravating, if she was to be truthful.
"Everything's ready, the escort party will be waiting at the dock when we arrive." Shepard noted, moving gingerly over to her personal storage, pulling out a fresh set of clothes. They'd arrive during the night cycle, and Shepard had been up for a number of hours already, resting her healing body after the plethora of injuries she'd sustained. A slipped disc, a bone bruise in her right shoulder, which was also fractured, two broken ribs, a minor fracture in her left hand, a sprained right wrist, and moderate bruising across her back and sides. She was thankful that Chakwas was entertaining her wishes by treating her in her own room, she couldn't stomach entering the med-bay.
"With barely concealed glee, looking forward to it, and getting shore leave, Commander." The pilot added, before Shepard cut off her room's comms for the night. In truth, she wasn't sure how long shore leave would be, but she knew the crew needed some decent time to recuperate after the missions and all the wear and tear that had accumulated. With no major leads on either Saren or Cerberus, she let shore leave be indefinite, until she stated otherwise, or something came up.
She quickly shed her clothes and stepped into the shower, deciding to enjoy a longer one than normal, now that they had a direct resource supply from the Citadel in the future. Her injuries had mended fairly quickly in the two and a half days since Noveria, with thanks to both rest and some of the medical tech her doctor was so insistent on utilizing. Her body still ached, still hurt, and the bruises were still there, but it was much better than how broken her body felt after Noveria. I swear…never, ever will I fight a powerful matriarch again. Not unless I have an M-920 Cain. Wish I'd been able to work my way up with an acolyte before jumping into the deep against Liara's mom like that…
Her guilt flared up as the water jets sprayed over her tan and purple body, remembering Liara's look of horror and pain as she battered her mother. It was the first time Shepard had ever knowingly laid her hands on a family member of a friend, and it was doing a number on her. She couldn't shake the tremendous weight on her shoulders, knowing that if the Matriarch died in surgery, if she wasn't cured of indoctrination, that Liara's last memories of her mother would be of her getting pummeled viscerally by a close friend. Heck…I wouldn't blame her for stepping away from contact with me over it…I don't regret what I did but…I know it hurt her. And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I even CAN fix it. She thought, taking some pleasure from the pain she felt as she moved her right shoulder, lathering herself with her shower gel. It felt right to hurt, after obtaining the outcome she did. It only felt fair.
It was only when she stepped out of the warm shower that she heard the persistent buzzing of her door. She'd locked it hours ago, and was reluctant to answer, but with the hour so late, she assumed it was of importance. Shepard quickly toweled herself dry, tossed on her tank top and sweats, and moved over to the door, opening the comm channel.
"Yes?" she asked, simply, half wishing she'd just went to bed and ignored whoever it was at the door.
"Commander, I need to speak with you." She heard her resident doctor speak, more than a tinge of frustration in her voice. How long has she been at the door? The shower was…well, seems I took twenty minutes. I hope I didn't leave her waiting long…
Shepard unlocked her door and opened it, stepping aside as Chakwas stormed in with a case of supplies, which was quickly emptied onto the table.
"The asari councilor arranges to meet you at the dock, to pick up that medical pod, and you don't even show up? Do you know how foolish you are?" Chakwas spoke, her eyes darting between supplies, selecting a needle and filling it with a serum.
"I talked to her beforehand, and told her Liara would be there to greet her. I didn't want to intrude." Shepard responded offhandedly, moving over to her bed and sitting on its edge. "What's this about? You checked me over eight hours ago."
"And eight hours ago, you refused the treatment that would increase the healing of your fractures and sprains by a minimum of forty percent." Chakwas noted with great annoyance, Shepard rolling her eyes at the assertion. It was the one treatment she hadn't accepted, and Chakwas had been on her ass about it since they boarded. "Don't you roll your eyes at me, if there's trouble on shore leave, your body could be too damaged to react as you'd need."
Shepard let out a long sigh and let herself fall backward onto her bed. "Doc, what's wrong with healing the old fashioned way?"
"It's long and painful, and inefficient considering your current line of work. Would you like me to make a list? I can make a list." Chakwas snarked back, moving over to Shepard's bedside with the needle. "Whatever happened to that whole 'my body is my temple' spiel you gave me when you first came aboard the Normandy?"
"Maybe this temple needs to take a little longer to repair, to remember…beh, nevermind." She said, stopping her train of thought and giving up on the sentence. It was a little too late for that, though, given the suddenly stern look on the doctor's face.
"What are you prattling on about this time?" Chakwas asked, crossing her arms and giving her the 'look' famous for coercing the crew into their semi-annual physicals. She'd even seen Heather do a remarkable job in recreating it once, for kicks.
Shepard knew she wasn't getting out of this one, and frankly, she was tired of being cooped up in her room, away from her crew, with no one to speak to. She hadn't spoken to anyone since Noveria aside from Chakwas, Joker and Tevos, and it was starting to get a little hard on her.
"Is it so wrong to want to feel some tangible pain for how Noveria went down?" she asked quietly, letting her head sink into her pillow. "It didn't turn out right. I don't want to get away scot-free like I didn't mess things up, because I did."
"It IS wrong, young lady. You tried your best, did what you could. That's what's important." The doctor said firmly, though not unkindly. Shepard turned over onto her side, facing the gray-haired woman.
"I tried my best, but I wasn't my best, and maybe…maybe my best's just not good enough sometimes." She spoke, feeling the back of her throat swell up as her tear ducts began firing up. "How do I explain that to people when my own failures tear their families apart?"
Chakwas placed the needle by the holo-piano and took a seat in the nearby chair, moving it closer to the side of the bed. "No one will blame you when the odds are so stacked against you, Shepard. Yes, there have been casualties…a terrible amount of casualties, but lives have been saved, and surely families as well." The doctor said soothingly, the previous frustration and stern expression long gone, replaced with a softer, kinder one. The sudden realization of how she thought of the woman brought a cold, hard laugh from her throat.
"The scariest thing…the scariest thing is that if it wasn't for Saren, I wouldn't have met any of you, I wouldn't have become friends with any of you." She choked out, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "In a way, I can't help but feel goddamn thankful, and that just makes me sick, because it boils down to me getting new friends, a new family, for the low, low cost of tens of thousands of lives. Fuck." She finished feebly slamming a fist against her mattress, taking enough care to not worsen her sprain.
"It's not wrong to make the best of the worst situations. Just because Saren's done terrible things, doesn't mean you can't be happy until he's caught. With this team…this family, here on the Normandy…you'll stop Saren, and save exponentially more lives by how things sound." Chakwas noted, wiping another stream from Shepard's face, the commander trying her best not to let the levee break. "The deaths on Eden Prime weren't because you grew close to all of us here, but because Saren and the geth were monstrous. Please, don't lay any more guilt on yourself than you deserve, Shepard. You're a good girl. A potentially wonderful one, if you'd let yourself heal properly." The doctor stated, the last sentence coming after a brief delay, with a little more playfulness to lighten the mood slightly.
Shepard shrugged, suppressing a smile. The doctor's words were rational, logical, but her emotions couldn't help but deny them. She felt horrible, despite the truth Chakwas was spouting, and that emotional pain was real, and persistent. "I understand what you're saying, doc, but I can't help but feel guilty, even though you have a point. I guess I can feel fortunate for what I've gained and not burden myself with the deaths of those on Eden Prime. It's just…I feel terrible for what might have been lost on Noveria. I don't know how to move past it."
"Give yourself time…it'll heal those wounds. For now, just let me heal your body, so you can focus on the healing that's important." Chakwas requested softly, earning a slow nod from Shepard. Soon, a prick of a needle and the cool rush of the medication invaded her senses, but neither lasted long. She felt the doctor cover her with a blanket, and she played along, closing her eyes and pretending to rest, but she knew she wouldn't sleep that night, just like the previous ones. When the door slid shut, she opened her eyes to the darkness of her room and felt alone, drifting away from the hope she'd built. Shepard clutched the blanket and wrapped it tightly around herself, hoping desperately that Liara's mother would recover. The thought of losing Liara was too crushing to even consider, though it remained in the periphery of her mind, constantly threatening to push forward.
She needed a reprieve. She needed to go home.
Councilor Tevos stood silent in front of her room's holo-terminal, patiently waiting for the call. It had been an hour since she'd taken possession of the pod, and was pleased that Liara had decided to accompany it to one of her more private apartments. A councilor always needed to be prepared, she figured, especially one for the asari peoples.
Yet, it was difficult for her to wrap her mind around the current situation. The mission to bring Benezia back was one given on the basis of hope alone, nothing more. Still, it had somehow been accomplished, and she knew it was time to tie up some loose ends and proceed with the interim plans she'd made. Life would be busy for the next few years, she knew.
Her holo-terminal blinked orange, signaling a transmission was connected; quickly she activated it, and stood within the small circle for the projector.
"Matriarch Vinaya, Matriarch Delene, I apologize for communicating on such short notice…however, I have news." Tevos spoke calmly, shifting her gaze clearly between her two peers. The third, Matriarch T'Lhona, was ill and would soon pass on, she imagined. The elder was a few decades past a millennia, and had been having health troubles for nearly a century.
"Has Benezia been found? Has she succeeded?" Delene asked, her posture betraying her nervousness, despite the serenity of her voice.
"An agent of mine made contact with Benezia just days ago." Tevos spoke, intently gauging the responses of the pair of elders. As suspected Vinaya wilted slightly, the tiniest digit on her right hand quivering ever so slightly, a tell that had taken Tevos two centuries to recognize. One she wished she had known long before. "She is still active."
"What?!" Vinaya asked abruptly, quickly scrambling to make up for her outburst. "After nearly a decade without direct contact, she is still with us? Has she returned? Surely, given the information available to us, she has failed…has she not?"
Tevos shook her head slowly, taking a moment to enjoy the reaction. The notion of Benezia not being lost was her own dagger to the heart of Vinaya. The matriarch had plotted behind their backs and had, since Benezia's leave, worked herself into a place of power where, should Benezia lose her place in Thessia for any reason, Vinaya would absorb her vast assets; even if just temporarily, until Liara came of an age respectable enough to take leadership of the house. Much had changed in the past two decades that Tevos had been too weak to prevent. It's nice to have the power again…
"She has changed the priority of her cause, Matriarchs. The attempt to sway Saren toward a path of light has failed long ago. Now…now she is attempting to destroy him. She has greatly aided my agent in this endeavour." Tevos continued, taking great satisfaction at the opportunity.
When information about Saren had come to her attention long ago, she had arranged a meeting with a few powerful, influential asari, hoping to find a solution to the budding problem Saren was posing. After much debate, Benezia had been chosen, as the most popular and well-known asari leader, to bring the turian Spectre away from the path of destruction on which he was headed. It was not an uncommon event, such meetings had taken place hundreds of times across the years, allowing them to re-direct troublesome figures along better paths. That Benezia was chosen was no surprise, she was quite effective in the past in such tasks. What was a surprise is how the other matriarchs, Vinaya and T'Lhona, had schemed to take her house's power after a few years without reports. And I had brought them in to help, trusted them…so I am responsible for ensuring the stability of Benezia's house, and upholding her reputation. They will not get what they want under my watch…
"Destroy Saren? Isn't it long past that point in time? Are you certain it is not a ruse?" Delene asked, which Tevos was pleased with, as it allowed her to elaborate.
"Liara was there and assessed the situation clearly. Her mother is working her way into Saren's inner circle, which is difficult, and a long process which she has been committed to for some time. There is also the fact that Saren has managed to turn the acolytes Benezia had brought with her against her, somehow." Tevos explained, drawing a gasp of disbelief from Delene. "It has been very difficult for her, she has endured much through this effort, but she is attempting to see it through, hoping that if my agent applies enough pressure on the turian, that he will look to her for guidance, allowing her an opportunity."
Delene seemed shaken by the news, her hands clearly shaking under duress. "Benezia is well respected, loved…her acolytes are as loyal as any I have known. How have they abandoned her?"
Tevos gave a sad frown, dipping her head, recalling Shepard's report on the effects of indoctrination, and the experiments on Noveria. She knew what she would say was a twisted, more digestible form of the truth, weaved within a false narrative. It served her purposes. "Saren Arterius has spent years funding scientific research, and has allied himself with some foul-minded human extremists. Together, they have managed to create a method to torture and mentally condition individuals, which they have implemented into Saren's massive dreadnought. Benezia was strong enough to resist it, which is why she hasn't been brought in closer to Saren, though all of the acolytes aside from Shiala T'Rohna broke. Shiala was discarded and found on Feros by my agent, in a near-death state. I feel it is a good sign that Benezia has not been given such treatment."
"Goddess…" Vinaya spoke, covering her mouth in shock. "It is…difficult to believe….horrific if true."
"We must all sacrifice for Thessia, Matriarch Vinaya. Benezia sees Saren as a threat to not just the asari republics, but to the entire galaxy. She remains steadfastly loyal to the cause." Tevos added with a small smile. "It may still be unknown what Saren's goal is, but I feel that Benezia and my agent are growing closer to putting Saren in a vulnerable position and ending his campaign. I am certain we all yearn to have the Matriarch back." She finished, hoping beyond hope that Shepard would soon find Saren and end the tyrant.
"May Athame guide her." Both matriarchs spoke quietly.
"Thank you both for meeting with me, I am pleased to have helped bring more light to the current situation. However, I must retire now." Tevos spoke, bowing formally to her peers. "Have a pleasant evening, matriarchs."
As the transmission ended, a smile curled at her lips. The first step was complete; strip Vinaya's confidence of her takeover attempt, enough to make her actions more visible, her decisions more rash. Without the elder T'Lhona to guide her, Vinaya's impatience would show through, she knew.
It was the next step that worried her. I must find a way to reverse this indoctrination. If I am to restore Benezia to her proper place in this galaxy, that must be done. She thought, sitting down on a nearby couch. She knew the asari people were committed to Benezia; that must was easily seen in how highly she was regarded across all republics and colonies. Tevos, though, felt a much more personal debt.
Benezia, despite being the younger of the two, had used her personal networks to connect Tevos politically, and eventually helped put her into the Councilor's seat. It had long been her aspiration to help her people negotiate and adapt to the other species in the galaxy, and she had Benezia T'Soni to thank for that. When her only daughter had died during an assassination attempt on her own life, Benezia had been there to console her, to help guide her past the tragedy. When her bondmate passed on, Benezia was there again, healing her spirit.
There was no limit to Tevos' devotion to the Matriarch, and she refused to let anything prevent Benezia from living out her own aspirations, as she had allowed Tevos to. She refused to let Liara grow up without her mother, for Benezia to be separated from her daughter. They would all be reunited in the future, and she knew she would go to any lengths to make that happen.
Benezia will be made whole. She mused to herself, taking a sip of the now cool cup of tea. For there is a great darkness coming, and we will need her to lead us through it.
Ashley was terribly excited for shore leave. She still wasn't sure what she had planned, but she knew that any amount of time spent relaxing would be good for her soul, after trudging through Feros, Binthu, Noveria and everything. She needed to wind down, let her troubles float away. Maybe dancing…dancing could be fun…
In the meantime, until she came to a decision, she continued to stroll through Zakera ward with Shepard and Garrus. She was surprised that the commander had finally left her den, never having seen her since Noveria, but the woman seemed to be in slightly better spirits during their trip than after the mission. Not sure I've ever seen someone look so defeated as she did then…wonder what's gotten into her?
"So where is this shop again, Garrus? I feel like you've led us in circles around this place." Shepard asked with a light chuckle.
"It's just a few blocks ahead of here. Not my fault it's at the far tip of the ward." The turian noted with an exasperated sigh. Shepard had been hounding Garrus over his sense of direction through the entire trip, and Ashley couldn't blame her.
Shepard grabbed a hold of Garrus, giving him a disbelieving look. "So you're telling me we could have taken any of the dozens of rapid transit vehicles instead of spending an hour walking there?"
As Garrus let out a laugh, one Ashley felt he would end up paying for later, Shepard's expression only turned more severe. "Come on, Shepard, since when are you afraid of a little exercise?"
"It's not that, it's…" she heard Shepard start, before the woman's head turned toward a mob ahead and to the left, all crammed into a plaza. "What the hell."
Ashley peeked her head past Garrus and studied the large group, many carrying signs as a man stood on a podium, speaking passionately about something she couldn't quite make out.
As they neared the plaza, a young human woman quickly approached them, excitedly, and handed Shepard a pamphlet, then Ashley as well. It took only a brief moment to realize why one wasn't handed to the turian they were with. "You're with Terra Firma?" she asked the girl, who nodded quickly before rushing off toward the podium.
They didn't make it halfway through the plaza before an amplified voice called out for them. "Commander Shepard, everyone! The hero of Eden Prime!" a man spoke loudly, emerging through the crowd and blocking their way, bringing the trio to a halt. "Commander Shepard, it would be an honour to speak with you."
Ashley looked to Shepard who seemed to be giving her best neutral expression, though she figured the woman was more than a little annoyed underneath it all. As the man outstretched his hand, she saw she woman's gaze snap far into the crowd, pretending to not have noticed the gesture.
"What's this demonstration about?" she heard Shepard ask, though at this range, it was patently obvious. Can't help but wonder how she'll handle this…
"I'm Charles Saracino of the Terra Firma party. With Armistice Day coming soon, we're making our voices heard by the…alien appeasers on the presidium. Can I count on your support in the next election?" Saracino asked, leaning in a little, once more grabbing Shepard's attention.
"Wait, you're marking the end of the first contact war with a protest?" she asked, sounding a little skeptical.
"As we have every year for the past twenty six years." Saracino added quickly, not giving Shepard a chance to continue her thought. "The war taught humanity a lesson that some would forget. If we don't stand up for ourselves, no one else will."
Shepard shifted her balance at her hip, crossing her arms, seeming to do her best Chakwas impression. "And here I thought the lesson learned from that war was that other life existed, and they have opinions too, even if there are miscommunications." The woman noted, offering the man a sidelong glance as she observed the crowd again.
"Perhaps, but if they can express their opinions at gunpoint, why shouldn't we?" Saracino asked, which was too absurd for Ashley to keep silent on.
"Because they're not looking for a reason to, but you are. I hate how the first contact war went down as much as any human, but they did what they did….even if it was rash…to try and keep the galaxy safe from a potential rachni invasion. History's shown activating dark relays can be pretty dangerous. What danger are the council races putting us in? We should bear arms, but only ever when necessary." Ashley ranted, her eyes shooting daggers at Saracino. She'd always been pro-human, but never had she fallen for the blatant xenophobia of Terra Firma. I don't hate aliens, I even trust them…mostly…but these people? Ugh…
Saracino looked perturbed as he shifted his focus to her. "We have a backlog of several grievances that the aliens have ignored, starting with Shanxi…" Saracino began, but once again, Ashley found her words spiraling out of her throat as she tried desperately to contain her frustration.
"Were you at Shanxi? No? If not, shut your pie-hole!" Ashley growled, almost hoping to bait the man into an argument.
"Pie-hole, chief?" Garrus asked with a chuckle. "You're normally more vulgar than that."
"Just trying to keep my cool, Vakarian. I can't stand when people talk about things they know nothing about." She noted to him, as Saracino turned his focus back to Shepard.
"Commander, I'm running for one of the five spacer seats in parliament. However, due to some…" Saracino stated, but Shepard's upheld hand halted his speech.
Shepard took a glance back at her, a sly grin curling at her lips. "Can't make a proper decision without knowing your platform, now, can I?"
"Oh! Well, Terra Firma's core value is that Earth must stand firm against alien influences…politically, culturally, and in the worst cases, militarily." The party leader stated confidently. While Ashley didn't agree to that extent, she did feel that there was some value in such a goal. Though influences from other species aren't always so bad…if not for the turians, the Normandy wouldn't exist…and I think we could all learn a little from the quarians about making the best of a bad situation, adaptability, and working to have everyone try and improve humanity's progress in their own way. And as much as she can be annoying, Liara has a patience I can't even begin to grasp…I think our politicians could make use of that, always making snap judgments to try and win the next election instead of doing the right thing and putting things in motion to better humanity…we're better with them than without them…and it's funny, I don't think I'd ever have thought that before this mission…
"I'm looking at some of the signs here, and hearing some of the slurs tossed at my turian peer, and I can't help but wonder how many of your supporters are…xenophobes." Shepard noted casually, patting an exasperated looking Garrus on the shoulder.
"I can't deny that some of our supporters have extreme views, but our platform is also supported by economists, sociologists, and medical professionals." Saracino said, looking a little flustered by the woman's comments.
"But many of your members have made this a point of race, not politics." Garrus noted, earning more than a few jeers from the crowd, and not even a reaction from Saracino.
With Garrus being seemingly ignored, Ashley took a step forward. "But you don't do anything to correct the xenophobic comments that have propped up here." She stated firmly, annoyed that his gaze didn't shift from Shepard.
"Of course not. Whether I disagree with them or not, they have freedom of speech, the right to express their opinion." the party leader explained, and though Ashley was ready to comment again, Shepard stepped before she could.
"Look, that's one of the big problems here. We're on a galactic stage, dealing with equals. Respect…respect is given and taken, but responsibility is earned. If you're not responsible for the message your party and your members are sending, then you couldn't be responsible enough to have a seat in parliament. Besides, this galaxy works better when we all make use of each other's strengths, acknowledge and accept our differences." Shepard ranted, gesturing to the crowd. "Do you think we'd be better off alone? Look at the damn batarians. Look at how the quarians are treated. Face it, we're not in charge of this galaxy, but I'd really like it if we had a hand in helping lead it. We have to earn that, and we do it through peaceful cooperation. We do it by showcasing our ingenuity, our ambition, our main strength as a people…our diversity. We already have a template for showing our worth to the galactic community, we already have proof that working together is better than needlessly segregating ourselves with hostility and some imagined moral high ground. The other species in the galaxy could learn a lot from us…but I can tell you that personally, I've learned a hell of a lot from them too, and I'm not about to throw them under the proverbial bus, nor am I willing to even entertain the vile outbursts I've heard in this crowd about my friend simply because he's a turian…a damn good turian, and a damn good person. Have a good day."
With that Shepard casually led them through the mostly aggravated crowd, taunting her with references to Torfan, verbally abusing Garrus with standard-fare anti-turian slurs. Soon, they reached the other side of the plaza, Ashley noticing the shop they were looking for off in the distance.
"Well, that could have gone better, Commander. And don't worry about the remarks, I heard much worse when I was on duty." Garrus said with a laugh.
"True. Funny to see them cozying up to me, until they realized they weren't getting anything from me. Goes to show how pitiful they are. As if Earth means anything to me. Come on, they can at least do a background check on me before asking shit like that." Shepard said, shaking her head. "Christ, I can't wait to get away from here."
Ashley cocked her head to the side, wondering what her commanding officer was on about. Last she heard, they were empty handed on leads, nothing on either Saren or Cerberus. "Where you going?" she asked simply, grabbing the woman's attention and a relieved looking smile, as Shepard bit her lip.
"I…think I want to take a few days and go home. Nothing concrete yet, but…I'd enjoy the company, if you want to come along." Shepard noted shyly. She wasn't sure why the woman reacted that way, but the idea seemed fantastic to her. She hadn't seen her family in over nine months. I can go home? See Sarah? Abby? Lynn? Mom?
Excitedly, she patted Shepard's back, wincing as the woman let out a pained groan from the damage she'd taken on the mission. "I can't wait! When do we leave?"
"Well, uh…later today? A shuttle's departing for Amaterasu with a minor shipment of supplies. I know the captain, he's got some rooms available on board." Shepard added, turning to Garrus. "You can come too, if you want."
The turian shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, the expression dampening Ashley's excitement a little. "Sorry, Shepard, but I got a message from one of my sources about C-Sec overworking their traffic controllers, meaning a bunch of unscheduled, unverified ships are coming in and out of the Citadel. If one of them has been Saleon's ship…"
"You let me know if you find a trace. We'll track him down, I promise." Shepard responded with a more serious expression as the turian's mandibles wavered in acceptance.
"Thanks, Shepard. Anyway, we're here." Garrus noted, stopping in front of the shop. "What are you planning on getting, anyway?"
Shepard gave a nervous look at the storefront's displayed goods and gave a small shrug. "I, uh…promised Tali some sterilized dextro chocolate for checking out that security post before the tram station." The woman said quietly, looking over the menu. "Wow, there's…surprisingly a lot of options here. I might just have to get a bunch."
Ashley peeked over the woman's shoulder and looked at the prices, her eyes widening at the sight. "Uh, skipper…not sure our Empress of Engines would react well to someone spending so much money on her."
"Come on Ash, it's not like she has someone to spoil her all the time or anything. I think just this once, it'll be alright." Shepard noted softly, tapping away her order on the terminal.
Hrm…I AM going home…and I haven't seen them in a while… Ashley mused to herself, checking the map of the ward on her omni-tool. Maybe I should do a little shopping before I leave, too…
Liara sat back in the comfortable chair overlooking the presidium's morning sky cycle, enjoying the serene view. She'd always loved sitting out on the balcony in the morning; while it wasn't Thessia, it was close enough sometimes to fill her with that warm, nostalgic sensation. She was pleased to have had time to herself since returning from the Normandy; dealing with the gossip of Tevos' mostly maiden servants was enough to nearly drive her mad, and the amount of vague answers she'd had to give about Commander Shepard's availability was staggering. She just wanted time to think.
She knew she was supposed to be happy. She should have been ecstatic, if she was being honest with herself, but she just felt numb. Before, she knew so little of the situation that merely finding her mother was a goal, and an attainable one at that. Bringing her back seemed like a solid assumption, even trivial to bring up, yet it had been nothing of the sort. And now I sit here, knowing my mother is trapped within her own mind, as she has been for some time now, and I have no certain way of bringing her back…it seems like such an empty victory.
She took a sip of Jihliq, not caring that it was certainly more than a little early for such a beverage. And what of my future? My mother needs me…how can I abandon her in her time of need? But…I also don't know how to help free her from Saren's grasp…surely there must be a way, but…how?
"You look troubled, child." She heard from the doorway, Tevos uncharacteristically underdressed in a simple robe. "I would have imagined you would be smiling ear to ear to have your mother back."
"She is not, though. Not yet." Liara murmured, taking a small sip and giving her aunt a more suspicious glance. "I would have thought you would be in the council chambers by now."
Tevos took a seat in the chair adjacent to hers, setting her own cup of tea on the same table between them. "Sparatus has been called off to Palaven to deal with an inter-colony trade fiasco of some sort. Councilor Valern has taken the opportunity to meet with the Dalatrass for a Salarian holiday for the coming week." Tevos spoke tiredly, a hint of a smile forming as she took in the beautiful view over the presidium. "I was considering returning to Thessia for a few days, to attend the Janiris festival in Armali, however, with recent developments, I'm not sure I can spare the time."
"I also am not certain whether I can take time off to celebrate." Liara openly mused; she loved Janiris, it reminded her of happier times. She wanted more of those for the future, and she was sure that putting off a few festivals in order to gain a few hundred would be worth the cost.
Liara felt Tevos hand move atop her own, bringing her gaze to meet her aunt's. "Liara…you are young. These are the years you should be making time for it. Has Shepard not placed you on shore leave?" her aunt asked kindly.
"Yes, but…mother needs me right now, and…" Liara began, words spilling out before she felt her aunt's presence in the periphery of her mind. Liara reluctantly let her in, keeping her emotions open as she normally would to her aunt, Shiala, Nesiiri, her mother.
Liara, you are dear to me, so I feel it is important to let you know something vital. She heard within her mind, her aunt sending each word, each thought with a warm, gentle touch of love.
Elyse… she let the thought bloom with acceptance, her mind open to receive what would be given.
Liara, there is little you can do for your mother at this point. She heard in response, and immediately, her frustration and fear rose, only to be eased by her aunt's confidence and acceptance. You are incredibly intelligent, Little Wing, and one day you will have a part to play in your mother's recovery, but today is not one of them. Today is for the neurobiologists who will be scanning your mother's brain, and comparing to her previous medical history. Today is for those studying the thorian and how it managed to free Shiala. It is not your day, child.
Liara frowned and slowly severed the mental link, taking a longer sip of her drink. "Am I supposed to sit here and watch her be tested on then? To stand in the sidelines, helpless?" she asked, wanting, needing to be able to help with her mother's recovery.
"No." her aunt answered, remaining frustratingly silent for a number of seconds as she drank the last of her tea. "You must ensure that there is a future for your mother to exist in. You need to find and capture Saren, or at worst, destroy him. Perhaps that will free your mother. But you have no role here at the moment, as much as it pains me to admit."
The thought of leaving her mother was crushing, but she knew Tevos was right. Saren still had to be found and stopped. She still had important work to be done.
As she was about to speak, her omni began beeping away along to a curious melody. She reminded herself to have Tali change it, as she was sure someone had changed it as a prank. Opening her menu, she noticed it was a live call from Heather, of all people, and activated it.
"Heather? Is everything alright?" she asked, curious as to why the woman would contact her. She had a hard time imagining the comm specialist hadn't gone out dancing and drinking the prior night. Of course, she'd tried to get me to go along with her, said Shepard would go out dancing if I went too, but…I hope my absence didn't toss a wrench at work, as they say.
"Everything's fantastic, Liara! Your morning going well, I hope?" the woman asked, sounding a little more excited than usual.
"My morning has been pleasant, thank you. Is…there a specific reason for this call?" she asked, turning to look at Tevos, who simply seemed amused. "I am a little busy, I'm afraid."
A snorting laugh sounded from her omni, which only confused Liara more. "Are you busy later? Or, more accurately, for the next few days? Shepard's arranged for a transport back home this evening, and I figured we could all use some rest and relaxation…maybe another vid night…"
Liara sat back in her chair, a little stunned at the revelation. Shepard hadn't left her quarters since returning to the Normandy on Noveria, and the door to her room had been uncharacteristically locked, with no answer to her requests. To be able to see her home…how she lives away from the ship and the military…to maybe see how she is with these troubles behind her…and the thought of having a second opportunity with another vid night is intriguing…
"I…Heather, I'm not sure what to say." She sputtered out, Tevos giving her hand a squeeze before bringing it back to her own lap.
"Say you'll be in docking bay D26 with whatever you need by fifteen hundred hours!" Heather responded gleefully, the smile audible in her voice. "Ashley and Tali will be coming with us too! Come on, it'll be fun."
Liara froze from indecision. Her heart wanted to be in two places at once, both with her mother, and with Shepard. She didn't know what to do.
As if reading her mind, Tevos leaned close, her voice a quiet whisper. "Your mother will always be in your heart, and you in hers. She will be with you wherever you go, just as she will be here when you return. Shiala will keep watch, I promise." Her aunt added with a kind smile. "Now teach these people some culture, will you?" Tevos finished playfully, returning herself to her seat.
Liara nodded, feeling a little guilty, but also excited at a certain possibility her aunt alluded to. "I will be there. Thank you, Heather."
"Thank YOU, Doctor T'Soni."
Tali was amazed at the encryption the small transport's rooms had been provided in their security suites. As her talons tapped away at her omni-tool, breaking through the system's defenses layer by layer, she couldn't help but be impressed. It wasn't the best she'd encountered by any stretch, but it was about as strong as Kal'Reegar's weapons locker, and that was incredibly surprising, given the unassuming nature of the ship. Must be involved in smuggling supplies, or bringing diplomats places. Or maybe it's targeted by pirates a lot. I hope not…
The trip was supposed to take one day, just over twenty hours by citadel time-keeping standards, but it had been a fairly awkward trip for the most part. They were only a few hours out from landing on Amaterasu, and Shepard had once again locked herself in a tiny room and remained there. Spending time with Heather, Ashley and Liara was great, but eventually it was clear that everyone was worried, and Tali took the initiative to find out what was wrong.
Her omni-tool let out a short chirp as the door panel went green, letting Tali tentatively open the door. The rooms weren't all that large. In truth, they were more like tiny bunks, which seemed accurate, as they were stacked; the ceilings were too low to stand, the bed was as long as the room and about a quarter of the width, and there was a tiny table and booth-seating on the other side of the room to eat in. Apparently, the Captain's quarters were much larger and much nicer, and the bunks were still bigger than most of the places Tali called home on the Rayya, but it was still somewhat small by ship standards.
"Shepard? Can I come in?" she asked nervously into the darkness, her visor helping her vision adjust rapidly. She spied Shepard sitting up on her bed, her arms having pulled her knees close enough to rest her chin upon.
The woman gave a small smile, closing her eyes as she scooted backward, giving Tali room to sit. "I guess, yeah."
Tali slowly moved to the bed and sat down beside the older woman, her shoulders lightly meeting the human's. It wasn't often Tali had seen her looking so remorseful; only after the incident on Edolus, really. She knew it had been an ongoing challenge for Shepard to stay positive, to keep doing her rounds and reassuring everyone. She hadn't spent a childhood on the flotilla without being able to recognize the finer nuances of body language; the hint of exhaustion, the brief hitches in breathing, the barely perceptible flashes of worry. Tali had made a few attempts in the past to help, as she didn't like seeing the commander hurting. Often, though, she found that just letting Shepard step away from her troubles through engaging in small talk about quarian culture, her life aboard the Rayya, her hobbies and interests, and her experiments in engineering allowed the woman a reprieve.
So it was with a heavy heart that she knew that route couldn't be taken, and the guilt in the woman's eyes was enough to let her know that Shepard both did and didn't want her there, and it was a conflict she'd have to work through. She just hoped it wouldn't be terribly difficult.
"I've missed you." Tali noted softly, keeping her focus on the opposite wall, instead of Shepard. "The others have too, really, but…and they're nice too, it's just…I miss you."
She knew that piling on more guilt was a little risky, but she knew she had to be truthful. Shepard would want that, and hopefully it would give her space to weave her way to the real problems troubling her.
"I know. I'm sorry, I've just needed time alone…to think." Shepard answered sadly, her words more a whisper than anything. "Things have just gotten really complicated."
Tali gently used her body to nudge Shepard lightly. "You know, engineers like helping make complex things simple. You can talk to me. I'm not just a fountain of knowledge on quarian culture."
"I know, Tali, please…I know you're more than capable of doing a heck of a lot of things. And god knows I could really use some help getting things straight, it's just…" Shepard hastily rambled, her voice trailing off into nothingness for a few seconds.
"It's just…what?" she asked, finally turning her head to look at her friend's increasingly worried looking face.
Shepard turned her head further away, her face out of Tali's view. "I don't want to burden you. I don't want to put you in that kind of position." The woman noted, more than a little frustration in her tone, despite its softness.
"Why not?" she asked simply, deciding to follow it up with a probing question. She'd always gotten the feeling that Shepard had kept her at arm's reach, and had never really understood why. I know by now it's not because she doesn't trust me, or anything like that, but… "I know I'm young, and a captain is normally above everyone else in quarian culture aside from Admirals, but here on the Normandy, you've treated us like peers. Do you think I'm not…"
Shepard's voice halted her mid sentence, the sheer sadness as she said her name was evident that it was a little more complicated. "Tali…it's just…ugh, it's hard to explain, and kind of embarrassing." Shepard noted sadly, stumbling over her words, her hand deeply knit in her hair as she held her own head. "I don't think any less of you. I could never do that."
Tali shyly reached her arm over and pulled the woman into a gentle hug, a tiny bonk of her helmet sounding through the room as it made contact with the woman's skull. She wished her helmet wasn't so solid.
"I'm patient, Shepard. And I'm here, so please…help me understand." She asked, taking some pride in the following sigh that let her know the woman was finally opening up a little.
"When I first got into this mess of a mission, I was pretty confused… I felt more than a little lost. There were just so many new faces, new responsibilities. It was hard, and my history with going through all of this and being let down in the end just made me more than a little nervous about it all. It wasn't until we found you that I started really feeling like I could do this." Shepard noted quietly, leaning into her embrace. "I'll admit, I saw a lot of my younger self in you, I saw a lot of my sister Mel in you…but I saw a lot more than just that. There you were, venturing alone out here in space, proving yourself to your family back home, braving the galaxy and the misfortune of being tangled up in a galactic conspiracy. When you jumped into all of this, because it was simply the right thing to do…I knew I could count on you, no matter how new to this you were."
Tali just sat there with her arm around Shepard's shoulder, listening, letting the words soak in. "So I decided to learn more about you, so I could help you. And I tried expanding your interests, understanding Chiktikka in exchange for teaching you about the wonder of shotguns." Shepard noted a little more jovially, letting Tali feel comfortable enough to let out a tiny laugh. "And as the days and weeks passed, you became a friend. And more than that, I felt a responsibility to you. I know I say all the time that my crew is my family, but…Tali, you're the closest thing I've had to a little sister in a long time, and I don't want you shouldering burdens or anything like that. I want you happy, healthy, to have chances I didn't, to learn what I couldn't. I know you're sensitive…I like that about you, and I don't want you to hurt just because I am."
Her heart warmed at the words, a weight lifting inside of her, now understanding what had been distancing the woman from her. Tali had wondered for a while why she would at once be treated more kindly, and with more attention than most of the rest of the crew, and often dismissed those events on the premise that Shepard had seemed detached from her in ways she didn't with others. Soon, she found words spilling out of her mouth into her vocalizer. "You know… little sisters just want their big sister to be happy, too. You can't deal with whatever's troubling you alone, and I'm not going away." She added, giving Shepard a bit of a squeeze as the woman nodded slowly, wiping her eyes.
"It's just…Noveria was so hard. There never really seemed to be any right decisions, and I know I screwed up a lot." Shepard noted quietly, letting out another sigh. "I've had to make decisions quickly before but…never on a scale like this."
"I can't say letting the rachni queen go was a good decision, but I stand by you, Shepard. You know that. It was a horrible situation to be put in, no right answer." Tali stated, thinking back to the bizarre event, the queen speaking through a practically dead asari acolyte. It gave her the 'heebie jeebies', as Heather would say, and the nightmare the following night was heavily influenced by it. She'd done an hour long spider check down in engineering before she could go back to sleep.
"Yeah. Genocide, or potentially unleashing another war on the galaxy by setting her free. If we have to deal with the rachni, and then the reapers afterward…I don't even want to think about that. But I couldn't just kill off an entire species. I just…I couldn't. I don't blame the council for what they said, but…it still hurt just the same." Shepard explained, her voice heavy with emotion. "It was bad enough what happened with Benezia, I didn't want that on my shoulders too. Sometimes I worry that one day I'll snap, that I'll reach my limit and just break."
"That's why you have to share all this. We're all here for you. We're all in this together, and we need you to let us in. I won't let this destroy you, Shepard." She said quietly but fervently, earning a squeeze of her own.
"Fat chance of that. I still have yet to work you up to not using stabilizers in your firestorm." The woman noted with a smile, an attempt to cheerfully move away from the topic. Tali wasn't about to bite.
"I'll get there eventually, bosh'tet." She chuckled, bonking her helmet against Shepard's head slightly harder, enough to draw an amused laugh. "But what happened to Benezia seemed…pretty positive. The fight was…really hard, but no one died or was grievously injured."
Shepard was quiet for a long time. How long, she wasn't sure, but at least a minute she figured, by the HUD display's clock function in her visor. She'd heard the Shepard's breath hitch twice, and felt a little helpless, her hug not nearly satisfactory enough to do away with the woman's hurt. Shepard's breathing eventually steadied, and Tali patiently waited for the words that were to come.
"That's…not true. Benezia was grievously injured. By me." Shepard managed to say before having to take another short breather to steady herself. "I brutalized her, Tali, in front of Liara. I saw a close friend's spirit get crushed with every punch and kick I landed. I hurt them both, and I don't know how to deal with that."
"You did what you had to…she was trying to kill us." Tali added, hoping to assuage the woman's worries.
"Only because Saren had control over her. Tali, if someone mauled either of your parents while you watched…how would you feel?" Shepard asked, an edge coming through her voice with the question at the end.
She knew that she would react badly. Her mother, while she was alive, was her light, her favourite person in the world. And her father, though distant, was someone she still loved and respected tremendously. If either of them were hurt…Ancestors, I'm not sure…but…
"I guess it would depend on whether they were trying to destroy the galaxy." She stated as confidently as she could, not willing to verbalize the other potential situation.
"It's easy to say that, and I know that in the end, what I did was for the greater good, and it did maybe keep Benezia alive…" Shepard started, taking a moment to collect her thoughts, seemingly. "But there's a chance that Liara's last memory of her mother being conscious is me beating it out of her. I was told to rescue Liara, and I did…I'm so tremendously glad I did. I was also tasked with bringing Benezia back. I'm not sure that bringing back a bloody, wounded, and bruised asari body with an indoctrinated mind was what they asked for. I'm not sure that'll be okay, and I'm scared I might have made an enemy of probably the most powerful person in citadel space. Killing her would have probably been worse, but…this could bring Liara and other asari agony. I never, ever wanted for that to happen. I want to be relieved to have it over with, but I can't bring myself to even think it's over, not with her still indoctrinated, still trapped in her own mind. Still far away from Liara and her family. I promised to try and reunite that family, and…I can honestly say I'm scared that I may have promised the impossible."
Tali, after a second of deliberation, stood up from the bed and pulled Shepard to her feet, embracing her in a snug embrace. "All anyone can ever ask is that you try, Shepard. Knowing that you want to make things better, that you want to help, and are trying…no one will fault you for that. Really, it's why a lot of us on the ship have come to care about you. Please, don't torment yourself because you tried to do something good for someone, and maybe only partially succeeded by your own count." She said softly, putting a little distance between them so she could see the woman's face, smiling and conflicted. "Don't make up other people's minds without finding out how they feel first, Shepard. I know it might surprise you, but you might find yourself with more support than you'd think. I'm here for you, and I know Liara would love to see you."
"I know." Shepard stated simply, scratching at the back of her neck nervously.
"Will you come down to the lobby and watch a vid with us? I hear that Blasto one is kind of alright." She noted hopefully, feeling that the woman's worries weren't completely dissipated, but that she might have the tools and support to handle it now.
"Yeah, I…Yeah. I'll be down in a few." The older woman said with a nervous smile, clearly apprehensive about joining the rest of them, but willing to do so nonetheless. "I promise, just…give me a minute to let all of this soak in, alright?"
Tali jokingly prodded the woman's chest with a talon. "Only so long as you bring that turian chocolate you promised me."
That brought a happy, airy laugh from Shepard that she hadn't heard in weeks, making Tali wish the visor didn't conceal her own smile.
"I'll make sure to bring some of it down, but the rest will have to wait until we get to Amaterasu. I may or may not have spoiled you." Shepard said, turning away toward a large backpack.
Tali took the opportunity, hugging the woman from behind and resting her helmet on Shepard's shoulder, as she'd seen many siblings do on the flotilla as a sign of trust, gratitude, and love. While the whole idea was new to her, she liked it. Shepard had always helped her, had guided her through the past months, and had been someone she aspired to be like, and who she came to care for quite strongly. She felt it wasn't all so different from the familial treatment of ship communities on the flotilla, but which filled a space in her that her father's neglect had left vacant. "Thanks for letting me in, sis." She noted quietly, before detaching herself and moving to the door. The single choked sob of relief that slipped out of Shepard only made her hopes for the coming adventure to Amaterasu even brighter.
A/N: Yay! Well, had to get some angst out of the way, to clear room for the fluff. Now, with most of the sad stuff dealt with, there's room for the happiest of times! Sorry to anyone who wanted a Blasto vid-watching scene in here. I know I've been teasing you all, but I promise, it's on the way. And it will be a very, tremendously important scene, of course, as is befitting to a vid of such a high caliber.
So they're on their way to Amaterasu! :O This should be fun! Heck, I know it will be for me, because when I was outlining all of this, I couldn't possibly stop smiling and being all giddy with happiness.
Anywho, I'm happy I was able to get this out so soon, and thanks everyone for such a wonderful response in the last chapter. I was really worried, and you were all quite supportive. Thank you for that…and for reading, and for reviewing, and for following me. I've had a bunch of new followers, so thank you everyone who's joined in a taken the time to read my work. I can only hope I'm able to keep you all entertained :)
Here's to a wonderful weekend!
PS: Tevos' statement of "We all must sacrifice for Thessia" is drawn from the lovely PMC65's fics "A Thesian's Whisper" and "The Shepherdess & the Questing Beast", both marvelous stories in their own right, and certainly superior to my own. :P Easily the best asari lore expansion I've ever read, if nothing else.