Bella

The cold air hit my lungs as I patiently waited for Edward to show. I stood under the street lamp right down from my house and looked each way as I waited. The rational side of me looked down at my house with the front porch light on and tried to convince me that I needed to go back home. The other side of me, the deep-seeded, dark, naughty Bella stared back towards the road waiting for Edward. I should have been a good girl and changed my mind.

But I didn't. Edward showed within ten minutes and as I sat down in his car, I pushed my hair away from my face and I caught his eyes in the overhead light. He smiled and said, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Just drive," I said as we pulled away from my road. I was scared to death that Jasper would see me in the car with Edward but I didn't feel like feeling guilty about this.

As we drove down Highway 1, he looked at me and sighed. "You know, it's not productive if we don't talk. I'm not a mind reader, Bella."

"Funny, I had you pegged as one," I said staring out the window.

"What's that?" he said.

"Nothing. So where are we going?" I asked.

"I thought we could drive up to a spot and sit and talk. You seemed very upset."

I nodded as we sped down the winding roads. I watched as the moonlight filtered through the giant trees and sighed. I was so angry at Jasper for not understanding. I loved the idea that he still felt the need to be my savior. I just had no idea how to handle it.

As we stopped on the side of the road, Edward shut off his lights and let the music play in his car. I adjusted myself to face him. He sat with his hand draped over the steering wheel and stared out the front windshield. Finally, he spoke.

"Why did you allow me to take you to Port Angeles that day? I cannot wrap my brain around why. You had such a great time that day and then you all the sudden decided that you wanted to take off to LA with Jasper. I just don't get what kind of mind games you are playing here Bella."

I stared silently as I tried to gather the words. Finally I just let it slip.

"I don't know what I want right now. I thought everything was settled in my life. I had Jasper, you were finally moving on in your life. Everything changed when my father died. I tried for so long to understand why. To me Edward, you are comfortable. You are familiar. I feel that need for familiarity right now. Don't hate me for it." I looked up at Edward as his eyes locked with mine.

"I don't want to be just someone that you are comfortable around, Bella. I want to be yours. If you want me, then I'll be there. I can't be the backdoor man or the one that comes to your rescue every single time you and Jasper have an argument."

"I'm not saying that's what I want. I… I can't figure this out anymore. At one time everything was black and white, now there is so much grey and I have no idea how to handle it." A part of me wanted to burst into tears, but I was tired of crying.

"So you call me tonight, say you need to see me and it's all to tell me that you only want me around because I'm familiar to you? Bella, that makes no sense. You don't just call me out of my bed to come get you for that. What is really going on here?" Edward stared at me.

"I want you back, Edward. But I don't want to lose Jasper either. I can't have it both ways and I know that. I know that I have to make a choice, but I'm scared I'll make the wrong one. I'm so sick of figuring this out. I left you because you were awful to me, and then you changed. I was with Jasper because he was awesome towards me, now all we do is fight. I feel stuck."

I put my face into my hands and pushed my hair back from my eyes. I propped my head up with my hand and sighed.

Edward looked dumbfounded, speechless if you will. I waited for him to say something and all he could say was, "I think you need to go home. You've had enough excitement for one night."

"I can't go home. That house is too cold, too alone with no one else is in there with me."

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Let me call Rosalie and see if I can stay there," I said. I reached for my phone and dialed. I hated calling at midnight but I had no choice. Rosalie answered.

"Hey, it's me Bella. I'm sorry to be calling so late but can I stay with you tonight?"

"Sure that's fine but you know that Edward is staying with us too right?" I looked up at Edward and sighed heavy. "No I didn't know that, but it's okay. We're getting along just fine."

"Great to hear. Do I need to come get you or…?"

"No, I've got a ride. I'll see you in a bit."

Rosalie hung up with me. "So when were you going to tell me about you staying with Rosalie?"

He took a deep breath and said, "I sold the house. I moved here to Forks about a month ago."

I looked at him, confused as ever. "You moved to Forks? Why on earth would you do that?"

He stared deep into my eye, "Do you really want to know the answer to that?"

I nodded my head yes.

"I moved to be closer to you, Bella."

My heart skipped a beat as I leaned closer into him. His breath was heavy on my lips. I wanted to feel them against mine. It has been far too long since I felt the softness, the appeal of his lips on mine. I got closer and closer and as my lips were mere centimeters away from his, my phone buzzed in my lap. It was Jasper.

I hit ignore and stared back at Edward. I wanted it. I know I did. Instead, Edward started the car, put it in drive and headed towards Rosalie's house without a word being said the entire way there.

As we pulled into the driveway, I knew that these decisions would be hard.

Either way, someone was getting hurt. It very well could end up being me.

I woke up the next morning with a hell of a hangover. I stared at the grey walls of the other guest room and wondered why on earth I had put myself in such a situation that I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted.

I had told Edward that everything was turning grey and it was true. I wished that in an ideal world it would be okay for me to love two guys. However, in my non-ideal world, I had to choose one. I didn't know how to start that process. All I knew is that a decision had to be made.

The smells from the kitchen were amazing and I knew that Rosalie was cooking her famous blueberry pancake. I sipped my robe on and finally made my way down to the kitchen. She had a big pot of coffee on the counter and I poured a cup as she turned around.

"Jasper called a little late last night looking for you. I explained to him that you were fine and needed some space. I have no idea what happened last night, nor do I want to know. But Bella, I will not lie for you."

"Don't worry," I said waving my hands, "nothing happened that you would need to lie about." She nodded and went back to the pancakes. A few more later she turned to me again. "You came home with Edward last night. What did I tell you about that?"

"I know, Rosalie." I was getting a little annoyed with people constantly telling me how to handle my relatioinships.

"I'm just saying, I love you like a sister. But I cannot keep up with yours or Edward's personal lives. I have a family of my own." I looked across the kitchen and saw the little one sleeping in the bassinet.

"I know Rosalie, and I'm sorry to drag you in. I hope I didn't wake up everyone last night by calling."

"You didn't, but Jasper did. Don't worry though. Everything is okay. I told him to come by and pick you up this afternoon." I went to say not a good idea, but she said, "Don't worry, I told Edward to make himself scarce."

I looked up at her from my coffee again, "Why didn't you tell me Edward was living in Forks?"

She blinked blankly at me. "I thought you knew?"

"Um, no. No one informed me of this. I was wondering how on earth he was showing up so fast. Does Jasper know he's here?"

She shook her head no. "I told Emmett he should tell him but he insisted that if Jasper knew Edward was here, he wouldn't come over. He's been really good at leaving the house before Jasper arrives."

I walked away, collecting my thoughts on how I could tell Jasper that Edward was in town. This wouldn't be easy.