Bella

Learning to be alone was hard. Weeks went by without a word from Jasper or Edward. Alice came over to check on me, and I don't think she liked what she saw.

"What on earth are you wearing?" she asked as she walked into my living room.

"It's a Snuggie. It's quite warm to be honest."

"You look like a monk. Don't tell me you are swearing off guys for the rest of your life and moving into a monastery?"

I laughed. "No, that wasn't exactly the plan to be honest. I like it because it's fuzzy and warm."

"So are puppies but you don't see me sporting a coat of puppies do you? I think PETA would have my ass if I did that. I don't look good covered in red paint."

I giggled. Alice knew how to make me feel better and not even realize what she was doing.

"So, what's on our agenda for the day?" I asked, reaching for the daily paper.

"I thought we could do some shopping. You know that retail therapy is always the thing to do in these situations."

"Alice, I don't know if I'm in the mood for that. I mean, I'm comfortable being at home."

Alice scoffed. "How dare you blow off shopping today? You get your butt upstairs and change clothes right now. Put away the Snuggie. You need some jeans, boots and a nice sweater. I'll take you to lunch too, my treat."

I was never one to turn down a free lunch. After everything that happened between my father dying and breaking up with Jasper, I took entirely too many days off at work. My bank account was beginning to dwindle a bit, but I was getting my retirement later this month, so it would take the burden off my finances.

I pulled the sweater over my newly washed hair and stared in the mirror for what seemed like an eternity. Alice was always fussing at me about my hair. She loved the length but felt like the waves were too much. She begged me for years to straighten my hair, and so to mess with her, I did. I sat there with a flat iron for what seemed like an eternity, and finally after the last strand was in place, I walked down the stairs to Alice's amazed face.

"You need to do that more often," she said, taking my hand. "It looks really good. Now, let's go. I'm starving."

The drive was filled with Alice complaining about Aro's choice in vacation spots for the summer. He wanted to go back to Italy again and show her some tile samples he found in a house that he toured a couple of months ago. Alice didn't exactly see that as a vacation, but she prattled on about it and kept my mind off everything.

Lunch was great. The neat thing about spending time with Alice is that she can talk a million miles a minute, and I never have to say anything. I was in that kind of mood today.

Alice broke off from the table and went to the ladies room. Contrary to belief, we don't always go in pairs, and I sat at the table, mulling over my purse when I heard a voice that sounded familiar.

"Bella, Bella Swan?" I looked up and saw Jacob Black, my dad's god-son, standing next to me.

"Hi, Jacob, how are you?" I said as he sat down where Alice had been sitting.

"I'm doing great. It's been a while since I've seen you. I'm so sorry I missed your father's funeral. I was stuck down in California helping Rachel with some home renovations." Rachel was his older sister. I hadn't seen her in years.

"Thanks though. So what are you up to now?" I said. Jacob looked so different than I remembered him from my childhood.

"I'm back in La Push helping dad with some things around the house. I'm sorry to hear about you and Edward. You two were always so inseparable. Are you seeing someone now?"

I stared for a minute. It took all the courage I had to muster up, "Not anymore."

"Oh, wow, what happened?" Jacob was being a little pushy, but for some reason I found it easy to talk about it.

"I was seeing Jasper Whitlock, remember him?" he shook his head yes. "We dated for a while, we were even engaged, but we broke up a couple of weeks ago. It's been tough." I fought back the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes. Jacob stared for a moment and sighed.

"Sometimes, life has a funny way of making things work for you." He smiled.

I smiled back. I was about to ask Jacob for coffee soon when Alice came back to the table. She smiled at Jacob and said, "You are sitting in my seat." Jacob scrambled to get up, and she laughed. "I'm just messing with you Jacob. How are you doing?"

Jacob thought for a second and said, "Alice, how the hell are you?" He stood up, towering over her and gave her a hug.

"I'm doing great, got married to the man of my dreams. I help him run a decorating business and well that's about it. It's good to see you," she said, giving him a hug again.

"Bella, we should do coffee sometimes." Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card with hammers and a saw on it. It reminded me of Jasper again, and I fought back more tears.

"We should," I choked out. "I'll call you soon."

He smiled, waved and walked away from the table.

Alice glared at me.

"Before you say anything Alice, I know. I need to spend time by myself before I start seeing anyone else. We've already established this, and I promise that I won't jump into anything."

She stared at me still.

"And I promise to find myself first."

"Good girl. Now let's go." She grabbed my hand and nearly pulled me out of my seat.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. By the time the afternoon came around, I was full of food, spent entirely too much money but I did feel better.

I went home with a ton of bags to go through and things to have enough buyer's remorse over to take back. As I tried on a sweater that Alice said made my boobs look bigger, the doorbell rang. I ran down and pulled it open.

Jasper was standing at my door, cute as ever.

"I know I'm the last person you want to see right now, but I wanted to let you know something. I got a call saying that I needed to go to California for a job. I may be gone for up to six months."

I stared at him for what seemed like an eternity.

"And you are letting me know this because?" I said sarcastically.

He sighed. "I guess coming here was a mistake." He stood at the doorway for a moment and turned to walk away.

"Thanks for letting me know," I said, a little bit nicer.

"I figured you'd like to know, in case…"

"In case I changed my mind?" I said.

"Yes. And, I mean… how are you?"

"I'm doing okay I guess. And you?"

Awkwardness was filling my front porch to capacity.

"I'm doing okay," he said.

We didn't say anything for another couple of seconds and finally I replied, "Have fun in California. I think that it would be a good change for you."

He nodded and didn't say anything.

Finally, after careful thought, he said. "Bella, I still love you. Sleeping at night is impossible. My heart breaks every time I wake in the morning and you aren't there. Please, see what this is doing to me."

I felt tears develop in my eyes as he spoke. He was calm, as though he'd rehearsed this before coming to see me. Though, you could still see the pain in his eyes.

"Jasper this was the best decision for the both of us. We both jumped into a relationship neither one of us was ready for. We were each other's rebound, and you know what happens when you rebound…"

"You were not a rebound to me, Bella. I loved you more than anybody. Hell I loved you more than I loved Charlotte. You've got to see what this is doing to me. What it's doing to us."

I felt the tears drip from my eyes as they did from his. I wanted so bad to reach out to him and hold him close to me. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him and how I couldn't sleep without his arms around me at night. I wanted him to know that I couldn't get through the day without crying.

I finally said, "Goodbye Jasper. I still do love you too, but this is the best for us."

I shut the door behind me as I walked back into the house.

A/N: So CereuleanBlue my kick ass, fast beta said "Please title this chapter "Bella Is A Stupid Whore" This is why I love her and have her as my beta. Not to mention she beta'd this in one day.

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