A/N: All of my author notes will be written like this from now on (it's in italics on word in case it doesn't show on FF.) Anyway, last chapter, I said I might upload tonight, I never imagined I would up load within the hour! Lucky you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (JK Rowling) or A Very Potter Musical (Starkid), nor do I own a cat (though I want to)

Chapter Three: Act 1 Scene 1

Vernon glared at the girl as she and her fellow freaks made themselves comfortable on his sofa (which they had also enlarged.) He and Petunia sat awkwardly on dining room chairs while Dudley sat on the armchair near the sofa. Zie beamed around the room and cued up the first video.

(A man is sitting on a trunk in the center of the stage, dressed as a Gryffindor with crazy black hair, round glasses, and a scar on his forehead.)

Harry: (singing) Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never give me what I want.

Vernon growled furiously. "Spoiled freak! Gave him the necessities!" Petunia pursed her lips, but nodded.

Everyone else, including Dudley, was looking sadly at the cupboard, but turned to glare at Vernon. Tiger even hissed angrily. Vernon gulped audibly before turning back to the screen.

I know I don't deserve all of these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all my struggles, I'm still alive … I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now… I gotta get back to Hogwarts! I gotta get back to school, I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.

The magical teens all laughed and Dudley turned to them. "Was Harry really like that?"

The five all howled with laughter. "Hell no," Hermione gasped. "He hated his fame!"

Zie grinned. "Like I've already said; this is a parody, it makes fun of pretty much everyone and everything."

George beamed. "Can't wait!"

Zie returned his smile, but wondered how he would feel towards the end.

Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back. I'll see my friends, gonna laugh till we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!

Dudley's jaw dropped. "People have died in your school?"

Hermione paused, thinking before replying. "Well, during our time, Voldemort regained power. So it was much more dangerous than usual. But yes, several people died in Harry's time at Hogwarts."

Silence followed the statement. Petunia glanced around and noticed the red headed man was silently crying. His sister also noticed and held his hand as the play continued.

I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on! And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…

(A man with a red wig comes out of a door. He is also dressed as a Gryffindor and is wearing a blue headband.)

Ron: Yeah and it's gonna be totally awesome!

Hermione and the Weasley's cracked up. "Zat's Ron?" Fleur gasped.

"Bloody hell! This is brilliant!" Ginny giggled.

Ron: (spoken) Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! What's up, buddy?

Harry: Hey! (they hug)

The witches giggled. "We should make them do that!" Hermione said.

"Zat would be totally awesome!" Fleur yelled, making everyone besides Vernon and Petunia laugh.

Ron: Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here. I had … to go get … some … Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going c'mon, get your trunk, let's go.

Harry: Where are we going?

Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!

Harry: Cool!

Ron: Come on!

(Both run around flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power!

Even the Dursleys laughed at that, though Vernon's laughter seemed cruel. After a moment, Dudley found his voice. "I'm guessing that's not how it works." Nobody answered him.

Ron: (singing) It's been so long…

Harry: … but we're going back!

Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!

Harry: As long as we're together…

Ron: … gonna kick some ass…

Both: … and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!

George bit his lip before leaning over to talk to Zie. "They sound like … me and … and… Fred." He said thickly.

Zie smiled sadly. "Remember, they are following a script. They have to sound like that."

George nodded and turned back to the screen.

Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!

Hermione gasped in horror. "That looks nothing like me!"

Ginny grinned at her friend. "Well, no. But she acts exactly like you!"

Hermione scowled and glared at her character.

Ron: (spoken) God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?

Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may be frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.

"I'm not frumpy!" Hermione shrieked.

George chuckled. "Well, you don't get A's either. You're much smarter than that."

"But A's are the highest you can get." Dudley said confused.

Zie sighed. "They are using the Muggle grading system, George. In the wizarding world the highest grade is an O, Dudley. An A would be like a C in the Muggle world."

What I lack in looks, well, I make up for in heart and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.

Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.

Harry: Hey, Ron, c'mon, we're the only friends that she's got…

Hermione was practically in tears. "I have plenty of friends!"

Fleur nodded in sympathy. "Yes. And you look very nice, Hermione."

Zie stood up, causing Tiger to slip off her shoulder and land on George's lap, where he curled up and fell asleep. "Guys! Remember, most of this is all made up! It's supposed to be funny."

Ron: … and that's cool…

Hermione: … and that is totally awesome!

All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how … We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool.

"Magi-cool?" Dudley asked.

Zie rolled her eyes. "I honestly have no idea. They couldn't think of anything else to rhyme with school, I guess."

Whole Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feast. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back.

"That's it?" Vernon asked hopefully.

Zie smiled sweetly. "No, there are about 25 or so videos for each musical. The musicals themselves are about three hours."

That being said, Vernon slumped down beside his wife as the American started the next video.