Chapter 18: On a jet plane

-Normandy, Comm room

"Danger, you look like hell! What is going on?"

Jane Shepard stared at the image of her friend over the console, and couldn't help but notice the woman looked absolutely ragged.

"I don't even know, Jane. I should get the hell out of here. I don't even know why I'm still here."

"Darla, what happened?" she asked, switching to her friend's first name and lowering her voice.

"I think Terriana wants to fire me or something. She hired this, this Commando and then put her in my offices. She knows damn well that I sleep in those offices. The Commando wouldn't budge, she's a major bitch - so I just let her have the room and started sleeping out in the lounge. She's been gallivanting everywhere with her 'new' bodyguard and completely ignoring me."

"Why are you still there?"

"I don't... I'm not… I'm not sure… Jane… I can't say it."

"Just leave, Darla. Omega still exists you know."

"I can't leave."

"Why the hell not? If she isn't even talking to you and has moved some Commando in, it's clear that she is restructuring her 'security team' and suggesting you move on. Just leave."

"I can't leave, not unless she sends me away. I don't know why she is doing this, but she hasn't sent me away yet."

Jane Shepard looked over her friend's agonized face, and her heart broke. She had never seen Danger in so much pain, or actually, in any pain at all. Danger always seemed so untouchable, so unreachable, and so steady. Nothing could penetrate the walls of the mercenary. Nothing, it would seem, until now.

"Oh, Danger. Why didn't you just go to Omega…?"

Jane saw her friend close her eyes and fight some internal battle.

"I wish I had. This has just gotten worse than anything I could have imagined. I could deal with it when she'd just ignore me for a couple weeks, but now it's just… It's just getting to be too much."

Jane sat there, just looking at Danger for a few moments, considering.

She's in so much pain; I have to do something about this… What can I do? I have to convince her to leave there. She should never have gone there in the first place. Maybe she can come hang out with me and Liara. Yes that's not a bad idea at all.

"I have an idea. If you can't bring yourself to leave, why not just take a vacation? Ash and I have been drilling the crew and teaching them military exercises, so we were taking a break from the mission anyway. We can pick you up tomorrow and you can run some war games with us. It will even out the teams, and I know that Garrus and Tali would love to meet you. They think you are some sort of programming goddess."

Danger smiled at the compliment. "Are they your mechanics?"

"Garrus is. Tali is our resident hacker. You should have seen them fighting over who gets to reverse engineer the AI code first."

"Ha, well if they are that interested, I'll give them the source. You know, a vacation sounds like a really good idea. Help me clear out my head, and she can spend all her time with that stupid commando without having to worry about me. Maybe by the time I get back she will have gotten it out of her system."

She probably won't even notice I'm gone.

"Perfect. I'll let everyone know you are coming. I have a few new tricks I want to show you anyway. You will be so proud of the death wish I have developed."

Danger just smiled her quiet smile. "I'm sure that you haven't developed a death wish, especially now that you have so much to look forward to with that cutie you picked up. I'm going to start packing. I'll be at the space port tomorrow morning."

"See you then, Danger."

The commander turned off the console and shook her head. She had never found the time to talk to her friend about the situation with the matriarch, and now it seemed that Liara's warning was right on the money. Danger had been in over her head this time and now she was hurting and there was nothing Jane could do for her friend.

I should have listened to Liara and talked to Danger. I shouldn't have spent all that time we did have loading all my problems on her. She's such a good friend to everyone, and everyone just walks all over her.

Including me…

Jane leaned back in her chair and looked at the ceiling. Time was catching up with her, and it threatened to overtake everything she had ever known. It seemed like the world was crashing down around everyone she knew and loved.

I have got to go get some sleep. We'll grab Danger in the morning, and then lose ourselves in some more war games. I can deal with everything tomorrow.

Jane Shepard got out of the chair and stretched before heading for her quarters.

Yes, tomorrow.

-Nightmares

Ice.

Jane looked around her. There was no silver this time. All was ice. She had advanced past the mountain range, but now she was no longer in a platinum wonderland. This place was clear, translucent, somehow… frozen in time. Miles of glass stretched before her, behind her, beside her. She scanned the horizon for any sign of the planet of platinum swords, but even the sky was a pale crystal, a stark contrast to the velvet twilight she remembered from the… other place.

Why am I here?

There was no sound, no sweet harmony of metallic blades twirling in the distance. There was no utterance of encouragement from her invisible host. There was nothing to guide her or help her, this time.

She rubbed her arms, realizing that she was standing nearly naked, her only coverings being her smallclothes. She had been deposited in this frozen wasteland with no protection from the elements, and she felt her toes starting to numb.

Where must I go?

There was no answer from within, and no answer from without. She started walking.

She spent hours following what she could only describe as a dried up riverbed. It was a slight indentation in the frozen floor, and looked as though perhaps in a different time, a mighty river had marked its passage there. The land of ice may have tried to hide the traces of its passing, crisscrossing it slowly with glaciers, eroding the terrain surrounding it in an effort to conceal its secrets… But time did not bow to this crystalline land. The river's mark remained. The river's mark led her.

She closed her eyes, and realized that it no longer seemed cold. She wondered if she was starting to succumb to winter's deadly kiss.

Where must I go? I will die in this land without guidance…

Opening her eyes, she gazed at the sky once more, hoping to see something, anything that would reassure her that she was in the right place.

Perhaps the voice has given up on me, and has left me to die in this glass prison. Perhaps I have been found unworthy, and I have been sentenced to finish my remaining days here, alone, frozen, and lonely.

She stopped walking, and dropped her hands to her sides. There was nothing to her left, and only the indentation of the riverbed on her right. She turned around, and all she saw behind her was the slightest shimmer marking her footsteps.

I am weary. I cannot complete this task.

Her eyelids became heavy, and she tottered where she stood.

What must I do? Where must I go?

Jane forced all of her will to her failing eyes, and opened them once more. She turned to her left, and stepped into the riverbed, intending to lay her body along its curve... intending to help this forsaken land finally erase the memory of the river's passing. But, she was unable to lie down. A fountain appeared as she stepped into the depressed ground, and as she watched, it filled with miniscule glass shards, so small, they were almost as liquid.

I cannot do what you ask of me.

She felt a weight pressing against her back, urging her to move forward and drink from the fountain. She hesitated, and felt despair tugging at the tendrils of her mind from somewhere far away. She gripped the sides of the fountain, and closed her eyes. She took several deep breaths, hoping to steady herself. This trial was too much. She could handle anything that attacked her from the outside… But how could she defend from a foe that attacked from the inside?

I cannot do what you ask of me.

From another time, another place, she felt a disappointment. She felt the voice… nodding, and accepting her decision. The voice was accepting it, but was disappointed in her. Slowly, the ice started to swirl in her vision, and she felt the despair once more as the voice cried, for her, for the universe, for all life… Jane couldn't stand the sound. It shattered her eardrums, and froze her blood. She covered her ears, and cried back at the voice. She fell to her knees, and shouted at it.

She gripped the sides of the fountain once more, plunged her face into the liquid glass, and drank deeply, screaming in her mind as the icy shards sliced her throat and stomach open, drowning her physical cries with her own blood.

A wave of silver ice shattered the crystalline universe, and carried Jane away into the darkness…

-Thessia, Matriarch Terriana's compound, Security offices

Danger walked into her offices, and was relieved to see that the commando seemed to be elsewhere. Normally the insufferable woman was sitting at Danger's console, studying battle tactics or something equally boring.

She's probably with Terriana right now. I bet they are in her offices, discussing their next trip. Or maybe they have graduated to her bedroom.

That thought sent a sliver of pain straight to the mercenary's heart. Danger looked at the small bag she kept near the door, and picked it up for the first time since arriving on Thessia.

You know, I never really thought I would actually use you…

She opened the bag and looked inside. There wasn't much in it, just some tools and some shirts, a couple pair of trousers, and a very small datapad that she kept various schematics of her cars in. She put the bag on her cot, and opened a file cabinet where she kept her uniforms. Taking one shirt out, she unfolded it and looked it over. It was black, and had the symbol of the asari nation on the shoulder. Danger knew that the commandos never wore uniforms, but she liked looking official and openly declaring her allegiance to the matriarch.

She stared at the shirt for a long time, just thinking about what it symbolized.

I wasted so much time here, on absolutely nothing. I should never have come. Why didn't I just get on that transport to Omega? Who knows how many asari I could have been through by now…

You know why.

I don't.

You know. You just don't want to.

I don't care.

You care. That's your problem.

No, that's your problem.

…

It's my problem.

Danger folded the shirt back up, and placed it back in the drawer. There was no need to take any of them with her. She closed her bag, took a look at the room that had been her home for the last few months, and allowed herself one last breath of air in the only place she felt she had belonged her entire life. Opening the door, she silently slipped out and headed for the city where she garaged her vehicles. She just couldn't spend another night in this place, knowing her replacement was wasting no time in taking over all of her duties, and probably some additional ones as well.

-Thessia, Matriarch Terriana's compound, outside the security offices the next morning

Terriana stood in the doorway, looking in at the small room that Danger had occupied since her arrival on Thessia. Danger wasn't there, and the matriarch noticed that the small bag she had always kept near the door was missing as well. She stood there for hours, willing Danger to appear, but the mercenary was gone. She was too late; she had spent too much time with her own internal struggle, debating how to approach the mercenary. She had fallen asleep while trying to sort through her words, and now Danger was beyond her reach.

"She left right after her conversation with Shepard." Rolus had been watching her for the last twenty minutes, and felt he needed to say something to break the woman out of her trance.

Terriana didn't acknowledge him.

"Well, the good news is that she didn't cancel her contract with Alleria. She said Danger stopped by, and paid this month's rent before leaving. If her cars are still here, she's probably coming back.

"I never thought she would actually leave, Rolus."

Rolus closed his eyes and willed himself the courage to continue. "So what are you going to do?"

She turned to him with a shocked expression on her face. "Do? There is nothing for me to do."

Her advisor shook his head sadly. He knew that tone in her voice, and sensed she was hardening her heart. She was just going to let Danger leave.

"Terriana, that's a mistake." He turned and walked away from her, clearly not interested in her response.

She turned back to the room, and moved inside, shutting the door behind her. She sat on the small cot that Danger had set up, and wrinkled her nose. It smelled like that horrid commando.

Why did I do this? I don't even know how to contact her, even if I did want to apologize.

She got back up and walked out of the compound into the garden, taking a seat on the bench that she and Danger had spent so many nights going over logs on. The morning air was crisp, and it gently caressed the skin on her face.

This is my favorite place in the entire universe, but it's just another bench now that you are gone. How can I possibly fix this?

She watched the horizon as a human ship touched down in the distance.

Alliance ship. It's probably Shepard, coming for Danger. Not in the least bit surprising. Humans always stick together…

Suddenly, she had a thought.

An Alliance ship… I have a call to make.

The matriarch stood with a renewed sense of purpose and strode toward her offices.

-Normandy, Garage

Jane Shepard was excited to see her friend. It felt almost like it did when they would coordinate Jane's shore leaves to go invade the Citadel. She brought Liara with her to greet Danger, but asked the rest of the crew to stay out of the garages. She didn't want to make the mercenary uncomfortable with a lot of prying eyes right away.

She looked at Liara as they waited, noticing the young asari's troubled look.

"What's wrong?"

"Jane, I can feel her despair from here. It is tangible. It must have something to do with my link to you, but I can feel Danger's sorrow and it is breaking my heart…"

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to that."

"Jane, what are you and Danger?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean. We have never been romantically involved; if that's what you are asking."

"No, that is not quite what I meant. I don't know what I meant. I just hope that seeing you will help her to forget her pain."

"I do too." Jane looked at Liara and though she felt a little guilty, she thanked any god or goddess listening that she was the one who ended up with the loving and compassionate young asari.

Just then, Danger appeared and walked up the ramp into the garages. She smiled sadly, and dropped her small bag. Jane moved to embrace her friend, but Liara got there first and threw herself into the human's arms. Danger closed her eyes and returned the embrace, doing her best to hold back the tears that were threatening to come loose. She heard an almost audible click as Liara's eyes turned to obsidian, and felt the young woman tentatively reaching out to comfort her.

Danger shut her eyes tight, clamped down every mental barrier she could find, and willed a response with all her remaining strength and prayed the asari wouldn't be offended.

No! Only her… Please understand…

Liara's eyes returned to her normal blue, and she stepped back from Danger.

"I do".

Danger cupped the young asari's face in her hands and said in an agonized voice, "Thank you." She let her hands drop to the young woman's shoulders, and looked over at her friend.

"Jane, why didn't you warn me it would feel like this?"

Jane had been watching the exchange, jealousy rearing its ugly head as Liara embraced the tall human, but it all spilled out of her at the sound of the unadulterated pain in her friend's voice.

I should have warned her, she's right. She's in love with Matriarch Terriana, and that foolish asari led her on and broke her heart.

Danger moved toward Jane, and her friend caught her in a tight embrace. Liara quietly backed away and left the garage as Danger and Jane sank to the floor, the commander holding her friend tightly as the miserable mercenary cried herself to sleep.