There was just over a week to go until the day of their wedding. Regina and Emma were both surprised, and had been constantly surprised since the beginning of the planning, how calm they were about everything. Regina, who ruled the Mayor's office with an iron fist and Emma who panicked regularly at mistakes, were taking everything in their stride and just enjoying each moment.
Of course, it was a big help to their state of minds that everything had worked out as planned. The dresses were stunning. Regina had insisted that Emma go to the bridal store first and chose a design that she loved, then she would choose hers, with helpful hints from the owner, to compliment it. Henry and Calon would be wearing morning suits - a surprise for their moms. David - in his position as male role model, something that he had been proud to be ever since helping Henry with his bullying - had taken Henry to pick out a suit and the store owner had suggested the traditional style. And because they had Calon's size, the boys could match. David was sure Regina and Emma would love to see their boys dressed like that. The catering had been easy to sort out. Granny, able to knock up any fast food order on her menu, was also an incredible fine cuisine cook. She would hear of no one else doing it, and the menu that she came up with delighted Emma and Regina in incorporating both their tastes. Even the bachelorette parties had been stress free. It had probably helped that both women had decided, separately, that by eleven o'clock they just wanted to be alone together. After a series of texts, they had snuck away from their respective gatherings and had met back at the mansion and simply had a few glasses of wine together as they held hands and talked. Although they loved the efforts that had been made for them, they had both realised that they didn't need a final night of freedom. They just needed each other.
Everything was working out perfectly. But as the final week countdown began, Regina's mood started to change a little. Nothing really big, but because Emma was so in tune with her lover, she knew immediately that something was wrong. They shared a noisy breakfast with the boys. Henry was excited because he was part of the field athletics team in school. He wanted to know if he could practice throwing the javelin in the garden. Emma and Regina had struggled to come up with an answer that didn't put him off pursuing his new interest in sports, yet at the same time make sure that no one was speared as they relaxed on the lawn. Calon was enjoying banging his empty bowl on his high chair and chattering away to himself in his nonsense language. In amongst the noise and chaos, Emma could see something different in Regina's eyes. She was smiling at her boys, touching a finger to Calon's cheek, refilling Henry's glass of orange juice and yet there was something. Something that Emma couldn't work out. But she was determined that she would get to the bottom of whatever was on Regina's mind.
Dinner time rolled around and Emma was sitting outside the Mayor's office waiting for her last appointment to leave. As Regina ushered them out of the office, Emma caught her eye and she saw that little glint of happiness that was always there. This reassured Emma that whatever was going on with Regina was something she could fix. She followed Regina back into her office and as the mayor tidied away the papers from her meeting, Emma leaned against her desk. "So, beautiful lady, can I tempt you into running away with me for an hour and sharing some food?" Regina's face said she was about to turn Emma down, so Emma upped her game. She moved forward until she had Regina trapped against the desk and then pulled her into her arms. Regina's arms rose to wrap around Emma's back, almost against her will. "Please come and eat with me, I just want to spend some time with you. Just you and me." Emma used her sad eyes, her face angled down so that she looked up through her eyelashes. It was a face she had used many times - after breaking a favourite vase, wanting to watch a movie that Regina hated on their date night, almost begging for sex when Regina said she was tired - this face almost always got Emma her own way. Regina, hard as nails Mayor, was useless when it came to that face. And Emma knew it. So moments later, Regina was following Emma out to her car, hand in hand.
Emma drove them out to a picnic area just along the seafront. It was deserted apart from a couple of dog walkers, so Emma led them, along with a picnic basket, over to a bench with a view. Granny had assisted in supplying them with their favourites to eat and drink and the pair leaned against each other as they enjoyed their lunch in comfortable silence. Once they were done, and everything was packed back away, Emma shifted closer to Regina, pulling her into her more. Regina responded by resting her head on Emma's shoulder and wrapping her arms across her stomach. She relaxed as she felt Emma stroking her fingers through her hair. Once last movement - Emma dropped her head and leaned it against Regina's - and then she whispered to Regina. "What's wrong beautiful? What's got you worrying?" Regina wasn't at all surprised by the question. Although she had done her best to hide her feelings from her, she knew that Emma knew her too well not to work out that something was wrong. She shook her head though. She really wasn't sure she could find the words.
Emma had no plans to leave things alone though. "I love you Regina. I love you more than I thought I'd ever love anyone. But if this wedding is too much, we can cancel." Regina's head shot up from her place on Emma's shoulder. "I mean it Regina. I want to be married to you more than anything, but it's never worth you being upset. So we'll do whatever you need." Regina looked at her in wonder, tears in her eyes blurring her vision at the selflessness of her fiancé. She desperately wanted to reassure Emma, but her throat closed and the words wouldn't come. She laid her head back down on Emma's shoulder and shook it gently, just the once. The gesture was enough for Emma to feel though, so she smoothed her hand back over Regina's hair and said "well, we're just gonna sit here, holding on, until you can tell me what's going on Regina. Because I love you too much to let this go."
They sat there for a time. Emma running her fingers through Regina's hair and Regina played with the buckle on Emma's belt. "I love you Emma" Regina whispered. Emma was about to say it back, but she hesitated, hoping that her continued silence would entice Regina to keep speaking. And it did.
Though she still whispered, Regina's voice sounded strong. "When I got married all those years ago, I had the perfect wedding. Everything exactly as I wanted it. And I think I needed that to make up for the fact that even then, even before we were married, I knew that he didn't really love me. Certainly not enough to tie himself to me for life anyway." At this confession, Emma hugged Regina a little tighter and kissed her forehead. She remained silent however, knowing there was a lot more to come. "That day was about as good as it got. It wasn't so bad at first, we got on quite well. But then his job became all important and there were days when he just didn't come home. I'm sure there were other women too. But if I said anything, he brushed it off. There was always a reasonable excuse. I was so unhappy Emma." She pressed her face into Emma's chest, needing to hear Emma's steady heartbeat, believing Emma when she had once told her that it beat only for her. Emma leaned down and kissed her hair, whispering "I love you my Regina." Spurred on by Emma's love she continued once more. "I desperately wanted to leave him, but I had nowhere to go. I've… I've told you a little about my mom when I was younger. Well, I knew she wouldn't accept me back into her home with a failed marriage behind me, so I started to look into my options. But really there were none. So I just put a mask on and tried to face my life. Then one night, he came home drunk. Not falling down drunk, but he had had a lot. He wanted sex. I didn't. He wanted to force me and I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. I stayed there all night, scared to come out and when I came out in the morning he was already gone. He didn't come home for a few days and when he did, we obviously were going to ignore what he had done. The next few months I was the most miserable I had ever been. We lived separate lives. He looked at me with such abhorrence. The doctor gave me some pills to help me through, but really I couldn't see a way out of the unhappiness and I didn't know what I could do. Then one evening I got a call from a hospital. He was in their emergency room, suspected heart attack. I left immediately, but even then, by the time I got there, he was gone. Another attack, a massive one. I wanted to feel elated - I was free. But I was devastated. My marriage was over and I was alone and…. I don't know. I'm still not sure if I've worked out how I feel about it."
Regina sat up and slightly away from Emma. Emma's arm dropped from her shoulder, but she pulled her hand onto her lap instead and looked Regina in the eye. She waited for Regina to continue, knowing the end of the story was where they needed to be. "I have a sad, failed marriage behind me Emma. I wasn't a good wife. I didn't make him happy. I'm…. I'm scared of getting it wrong with you. I don't want to make you unhappy. I don't want to get it wrong with you Emma. I want you to make you as happy as you make me, darling, I.." The rest of whatever Regina had planned to say, was cut off by Emma throwing herself at Regina and kissing her passionately. She poured her soul into that kiss, hoping that Regina would understand her feelings. Moments, minutes later, the pair gasped as their lips eventually separated. Emma's hands grasped Regina's face, palms cupping her cheeks and her eyes bored into hers. She was as serious as Regina had ever seen her. "Now listen to me Regina. I love you. I love you with the whole of my heart. I've never trusted anyone enough to do that before. I've never loved anyone that way before. And I trust you Regina. I trust you to make me happy. Because you already do." Regina smiled through her tears, but Emma could see she needed more reassurance. "You are an amazing wife Regina. You're already my wife in my heart. We've lived together all this time and our relationship gets better and better. I know we still have our arguments. I know we still hurt each other sometimes. But we're better people together. And if you don't want to risk getting married, I am happy to just stay as we are babe. As long as you're in my life, it's enough for me. You make me happy Regina. In a way I thought I never could be. If this is it for us, it's enough for me." This time it was Regina who flung herself at Emma. She hugged her so hard, Emma thought she may pass out. Emma held on, almost as tightly. Regina rarely opened up about her past. Emma knew it wasn't a trust issue, it was simply that she didn't want to open old wounds.
Emma held Regina in her arms, a protective feeling washing over her. This woman in her arms, this strong, independent, feisty woman was also vulnerable and lost and Emma's heart was full to bursting with love for this woman. She slowly eased out of the bone crushing hug and whispered to Regina "while we're being honest about things, I think maybe it's time for me to share something too Regina. Is that okay?" Regina nodded. Emma took a deep breath. "If Henry hadn't pushed us, I don't think I would have brought up the subject of us getting married…." Regina began to push away from Emma. "But… but you asked me to marry you….it was your idea…." Regina's voice was rising and her tears were back. Emma pulled her back to her. "Wait Regina. Listen to me." Emma waited until she felt Regina relax a little. "I've spent my life moving around. When I was a kid, they moved me. When I became an adult, I ran. When things have got hot or heavy or awkward, I've taken the easy option and left. When I asked you to marry me, I was one hundred per cent certain that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And I still feel that way Regina." Emma felt a little of the tension leave her lovers body. "But I've always been terrified that I'll get something wrong. I'll hurt you. Or the kids. Or I'll be the one ending up hurt. And so the urge to just run, before any of that could happen has been a constant fight for me." Regina looked at her warily, not really sure to trust what was going on here. Emma rushed onward, hoping to make Regina understand.
"Then that morning over breakfast, when Henry asked about us, it was like being punched in the chest. Like an actual, physical blow. My heart jumped I think. Because I knew at that moment, or rather, I had it confirmed that you are all I want. I want to be yours Regina. Tied to you for life. I want a ceremony and a bit of paper that makes it all official. Because I will never, NEVER, run again. There's nowhere for me to go. There's nowhere I want to go." She grasped Regina chin and forced her to look at her. "Regina. You are my home. You, with you, is where I belong. I promise you, here and now, the only time I run from now on, it will be towards you. I'll make vows to you on our wedding day, but right now, my vow to you is this - I will always love you, put you first and never leave you. Sorry beautiful, you're stuck with me." Emma's self depreciating smile was matched by Regina's watery tear filled smile. "So what I'm saying Regina is this; will you allow me the privilege of becoming your wife." Regina stood up, and walked a few paces away from the bench. Emma's smile fell and she felt like her heart had dulled a little. She should never have been that honest with Regina. Now she had hurt her and ruined things.
Regina looked out at the sea for a few silent minutes. Just as Emma was about to try to say something, she turned, hands in pockets and a face devoid of anything that Emma could read. "We've had some pretty awful experiences Emma. Our childhoods, everything leading up to us being together - apart from the boys of course - have been horrible times. We've been broken Emma." Regina's voice was quiet but Emma could hear strength in it. "But every day, you fix me a little darling. And I hope I do the same for you." Emma nodded at this and stood, moving over to Regina but not touching her. "We're better together Emma. Thank you for being honest with me. Revealing fears and insecurities is hard, but every time you open up, my love for you makes more sense. We go forward from here Emma. We're stronger and we go forward. As a team. Married." Emma wanted to collapse into Regina's arms. She wanted to breathe her in and sob on her shoulder in relief. Instead she took both of Regina's hands in her own, looking at her almost shyly. "You know, in less than a week, I'm gonna be a married woman. Married, two kids, nice job, lovely house. This is what I've spent my life wishing for. Regina Mills, you have literally made my dreams come true. I love you beautiful. I love you." Regina smiled "I love you so much my Emma. I feel the same way about you. Thank you for loving me." Emma opened her mouth to say something more, but Regina put her hand over her mouth. "And speaking of loving me…" Emma smiled, Regina's voice was low and sultry, "how about we skip work for the rest of the day and take advantage of an empty house…."