Chapter 30: With your smile, I'll cross this hopeless line

-Citadel, Consort's Chambers

Commander Jane Shepard felt the asari withdraw once again, and was pleasantly surprised that this time, they weren't wrapped up together. She looked at Sha'ira. "Is that all of it?"

Sha'ira shook her head. "Of course it isn't all, but it's all that you really need to know."

"So… Liari was some sort of… Werewolf?"

Sha'ira chuckled. "Shepard, it is not nearly as romantic as your tales of mythical creatures. She did not morph into a vicious dog under the light of a full moon. There was something that was shackled in her mind, which came loose at times and painted the night with blood, but she was still one of us."

Jane nodded. "So, what I don't understand is how this was kept a secret all this time."

Sha'ira stood and turned her back on the human. "After Liara was born, I left Benezia in the care of my sister and came to the Citadel to seek out the finest programming talent money could buy. I traded a brilliant quarian girl three ships, the Sarya, the Oralna, and the Rayya. They were fine vessels, and a mighty gift for her to return to the fleet with. She erased all traces that led to Benezia, including the destination of the distress message and all electronic journal entries that referenced my friend by name. The girl made it seem as if it all got lost in relays, or corrupted due to faulty hardware. I was the only one who ever knew for sure about Benezia's relationship with the writer, and I never told a soul out of respect for the both of them."

The Rayya? How is it that almost everything is linked somehow? I wonder if Tali is related to the quarian who was given that ship…

"But what about Liara? Didn't anyone notice that Benezia had given birth?"

Sha'ira turned, amused. "Shepard, there were thousands of births that year, ranging from maidens to matriarchs. Do you really think that anyone would take notice of a commando giving birth?" she waved a hand dismissively. "No, it was assumed that she joined with one of the matriarchs she guarded during her tour of duty. It is not uncommon, for matriarchs to join with their commando bodyguards and in fact, it is encouraged. For an asari to reach the matriarchal stage and that level of wisdom is a great accomplishment, and commandos are some of our strongest warriors. Unfortunately, they rarely reach matriarchal years, so we do encourage them to join early and often in order that we might keep the warrior traits alive in our society. It is very convenient for them to join with their charges, and it makes for excellent offspring."

"Well, Liara told me that asari exclusive pairings are looked down upon."

Sha'ira laughed. "Benezia told her that, so that the child would not pry into her lineage and ask too many questions. Far easier to teach her that it is a taboo, than to have to face the difficult answers. Liara never showed signs of the beast that haunted her 'father', so Benezia decided to keep the past, in the past." She sat back down next to the commander, leaned back, and crossed one leg over the other.

"Now, that's not to say that we don't look outside our race for traits to pass to the next generation, for we do and we do it often, but those pairings are almost always for love and unexpected." The asari studied the commander, allowing her gaze to linger on the human's slim and muscular form. "Yes, such pairings are usually unexpected, but not entirely surprising, given the level of variety, talent, and… appeal… other species display."

Jane shook her head and looked at the ceiling, ignoring the suggestive tone in Sha'ira's voice. "So now what?"

"Now what? Now you make a decision whether to reveal what you have learned, or keep it to yourself. I can teach you to control your thoughts, or I can remove the memories entirely, should that be your decision. But, it is your decision, Commander. I will not rip the thoughts from you. I am ashamed of my part in this, and I feel that Liari deserves a better legacy than the one that Benezia and I gave to her. We took everything from that woman, including the name her daughter would have most likely carried. We did it to protect Benezia, and to protect Liara, but the child should still have had the chance to know where she came from."

Sha'ira's eyes took on a faraway look. "We were lucky, Shepard. No one ever asked. The government isn't in the practice of prying into the private lives of individual asari and demanding to know the lineage of their offspring. Benezia was just assumed a fan of the writer's work. There were many children named Liari, or variations thereof, that year… but only one that bore her blood, and her mark."

"Benezia and I remained friends for a brief time after that, but then drifted apart. There was something in her mind, taking her over. I could not bear to watch it, and I felt my part in the tale had come to a close. I came here, and she stayed on Thessia to raise Liara. When the child rebelled and ran away to the stars, Benezia took it well. I think that she was reminded of her lost love, and since the girl never showed signs of the demon, there was no reason to try to detain her. I think that Benezia was a little in love with the thought of there being a Liari N'Vara travelling the universe once again, discovering the unknown. It is a romantic thought, is it not? Well, we will never know what was in her mind now, because soon after that, Saren was pointed in her direction and we all know the end result of that partnership. I will tell you this, however; whatever was pulling his strings, and Shepard, I have no doubt that there is something pulling his strings, had already been shadowing her mind for centuries."

"You don't think that Saren is behind all of this?"

Sha'ira shook her head. "Saren may be a spectre, but he isn't clever enough to have put all of this together by himself, and he certainly is not strong enough of will to have influenced Benezia T'Soni, asari that tamed the demon of Athame herself. No, there is something else behind all of this, Shepard, and I leave you in possession of these memories because you must find out what it is and stop it. Something was fearful of Liari N'Vara, and though it could not make Benezia raise a hand to strike down her lover, it was able to hold her will in thrall long enough when the opportunity arose, to stay that hand and achieve the same result."

"Benezia had mentioned a ship having some influence on her thoughts. Sovereign." Jane stated, recalling the day she was forced to kill Liara's mother.

"A romantic name, selected in order that it might instill fear in the masses, no doubt. I fear that there is more to this 'Sovereign' than meets the eye, Shepard. Be wary, be aware, and protect Liara. Protect Liara, at all costs. If this Sovereign is indeed the beast that whispered in the mind of Benezia, it will surely try to control Liara as well. She does not as yet show signs of harboring the demon, but she is still young and our goddess is given to flights of fancy. It is not inconceivable that at some future time, the gift will be bestowed upon the offspring of Liari. We know very little about the affliction, and truth be told, Liari is the only one that I know of that lived in our lifetime."

"How did this happen to Liari? How did she become, what she was? Is there any way to prevent it from happening to Liara?"

"How did she become what she was? No one knows. Perhaps she was… altered… by something in deep space. It could have been a part of her bloodline that manifested in maturity, similar to the Ardat-Yakshi. Maybe the goddess Athame visited her one night, and blessed her with the gift. It is possible that the thing that shadowed Benezia's mind and the mind of Saren attempted to enthrall Liari and was unsuccessful. That is one thing that the journals never revealed. All we know is that for centuries, she kept it at bay, but when Benezia probed too deeply into the woman's mind, attempting to fully know her lover, the shackles were loosened, and both beasts saw their respective opportunities."

"What about the letters?" Jane asked, gesturing to the book. "Why publish them?"

"Benezia and I had a lengthy discussion about what to do with them. It was a hard decision, but she pushed for releasing at least some of the letters and eventually I relented. I was worried, you see. I was worried that the letters would be eventually linked to Benezia, and that Liara would be the one to suffer for it. If anyone was to find out that Liara was descended from this asari that harbored the demon, she would be hunted. She would be killed, and the legacy would end." Sha'ira looked at Shepard thoughtfully. "I am not sure that the legacy should end, Commander Shepard. Perhaps now that Liara has met you, it won't. I was fearful that she would be too much like Liari, spending all of her time alone, and not taking a mate until the end of her life, or not at all."

Jane fidgeted a little, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.

"Anyway," Sha'ira continued, "We went through the hundreds of letters Liari sent to Benezia, and selected the most thought-provoking ones. We removed all references to my friend by name, and contacted Liari's publisher. The woman was ecstatic to get this exclusive collection, and I spent several very enjoyable nights purchasing her silence about how the letters were obtained. It worked out well, for everyone in the end. Benezia got to give her lost lover one final gift, one chance for her name to live on forever in our culture, Liari got to have her story told in the way that only she could have explained, and the publisher made enough on this one work that she was able to retire, and I'm sure that several generations to come will reap the benefits of that fortune."

Sha'ira smiled sadly at the commander, and Jane thought she detected a hint of regret.

"Everyone knew from the journals what Liari was, and that Liari had a child, but as no one knew who had birthed her legacy, the girl couldn't be hunted. It is why I begged Benezia to use any name but the one she chose, but she was stubborn. I think she wanted the small reminder of her lost love. In the end, it didn't make a difference anyway, and perhaps it went better than it would have if she had been called something different. With so many children that year being named after the mysterious poet, Liara blended in. She was left alone, and Benezia and I went our separate ways. And now, you are here."

"Yes, now I am here. And I have no idea what to do with any of this knowledge."

"That will be up to you, but I would counsel that you do not immediately tell this tale to Liara. She is not ready for it. She is too young. I sense a strength coming from you, and I believe that you are able to bear this burden, but you must understand that these revelations could undo Liara. She will seek her past, she will attempt to contact the beast through meditation, and it is possible that she will succeed and be lost to you forever. The circumstances are not right for the knowledge to come out. My suggestion is to take a page out of the Liari N'Vara handbook, and document what you have learned. Keep it secret, keep it safe, and make arrangements for it to be delivered to Liara, in the distant future. I do not think that she will be ready within your lifetime, but perhaps she will be prepared when she reaches her matron stage. Do you have someone who can help you with this?"

Jane nodded slowly. Danger could probably help her arrange this. Danger knew everyone. "Yes, I can do that. You mentioned a letter that did not make it into the collection."

Sha'ira closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes, the final letter that Liari penned before her eyes closed forever. Benezia wanted to destroy it, but I felt it needed to be preserved. I took it from her, and have kept it all these long years." The asari stood, and walked over to a wall. Pressing on a hidden location, part of the steel gave way to reveal a small box. She retrieved the box, and sat back down near the commander.

"Shepard, this letter is the final piece of Liari's legacy. She may have been controlled by demons and she may have performed monstrous deeds, but all of it, she did in the name of love and she never abused her power. She was one of a kind, and this letter holds her last words and thoughts, as life left her body and her heart broke. I could not bear to let Benezia destroy this last piece of their history together, and my only hope is that their souls have found each other again, in another place."

Sha'ira opened the box, and pushed some other trinkets aside to reveal a folded piece of paper at the bottom. She took it out and gently unfolded it before handing it to the commander. Jane took the letter, and began to read.

-Letters

My lost love, Benezia,

These are my final moments in this world, I think. I fear there is nothing left for my body to feed upon, and it is rebelling against me for denying it sustenance. I have no will left to continue, and my organs are failing. It is no longer painful, my only love. The suffering is coming to an end now that the hour is near, and my body has accepted that it is time to join our mothers in eternal slumber. Do not feel guilt over your choice, for I gave you this choice for a reason, and bear you no malice, for leaving me here to die.

I know now that you are not coming for me, and I do not blame you, for who could love a monster such as myself? Who would knowingly lie with such a creature, and bear their brood? Who indeed, could reach out their hand to a demon covered in blood, and filth, and the tears of so many? There is no one who could have such a love for me. There is no one in the universe that could take my hands, and see beyond the horrors that lurk in the depths of my mind, to touch the light and love I have within. There is no one.

I am sorry for bringing this upon you. I had no right, and I regret the choices that I made that led us to this end. I should have stayed among the stars, and left my longing within the pages of my journals, where they were safe, and secure, and I could dream of my perfect life, with my perfect bondmate, and my perfect daughter. I should have never allowed my dreams to manifest in the reality of my days and nights spent with you, and I will understand if you cannot bear to look at my progeny and instead choose a different fate for her. My reality is to be a harsh truth, denying me even the last wish of gazing upon the face of my child.

Benezia, I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. I am a demon, and I know you have given up on me. I lie here and look at the night sky, hoping beyond hope to see the slightest indication that you have changed your mind, any disturbance in the atmosphere to renew my courage. I look for any hint that it is not too late, so that I might harden my will and urge my body to hold on just a little longer, but the wind sings me a lullaby and the sand caresses my skin, whispering that this is where I belong. And perhaps, this truly is where I belong. Beasts such as myself do not deserve to live, and love, and dance among the stars, bearing progeny to litter this world with our sin.

My heartbeat is slowing, and my script is unsteady. I am losing the strength to grip my pen as my eyes drift closed, but my lost love; I have one final request of you. Should you allow our daughter to live, please give her this artifact. I believe it might be Prothean, though I cannot be sure. I do not expect you to tell her tales of me, but if this one thing could live on, then my soul will be able to find rest. If this one thing can live on, then I will have fulfilled my purpose.

Benezia, I am sorry… for everything… and now, I'll cross this hopeless line. I will disappear, into the darkness and step into the halls of the ages long since passed. I will accept the judgment to be visited upon me for my sins. I close my eyes, and allow the night to claim me.

I will love you through every age, Benezia.

The Demoness, Liari N'Vara

Jane looked up from the letter with tears in her eyes. Sha'ira nodded.

"Yes, Shepard. I felt the same way as I read it. Liari didn't understand, not really. She died thinking that Benezia didn't love her, and her greatest fear was that her mate would destroy their daughter. It must have been horrible for her, lying there for days and hoping beyond hope that her mate would send someone to collect her; being met with nothing but the silence of a barren world." The asari took the letter, folded it up with great care, and placed it back in the small box. "I kept this all these years, and I count it among my greatest of treasures. Liari was not a monster, and one of us should have told her that. Benezia should have told her that."

"It's so… I just can't even believe that it happened." Jane shook her head in disbelief, and then rested it in her hands. "It's so sad. How can this much confusion and… and… miscommunication happen?"

"It happened, Shepard, and all across the universe tragedies such as this happen every day. We live in a cruel and lonely place, and sometimes I think that only one of us who actually wasn't a monster, was Liari." Sha'ira stood and returned the box to its hidden place. "She wasn't the monster, Shepard. We were the monsters, and you will face more of us before your task is over. For now, the only help that I can offer you, is a technique that Benezia taught to me. She was a master at locking away portions of her mind, even during her joinings with Liari. I will teach them to you, and in return, I ask that you make a different choice, when the time comes. I sense that you are in love with Liari's progeny, and she will need you before the end. She will need you to be stronger for her than her mother was for Liari."

"Relax, Shepard. Embrace Eternity."