Title: Half Pepperoni, Half Pineapple
Pairing: Spain and Romano
Rating: T-ish, I think...
"Hey, Anton, order us a pizza!" calls Gilbert, my albino best friend, as he tries to shove Francis, my blonde, blue-eyed best friend, off the couch so as to win at Mario Kart.
"Gilbert, get off of me! Faut péter dans l'eau pour faire des bulles!"
I giggle at their friendly fighting. "Don't kill each other!" I sing at them as I jump off of the couch to grab the house phone.
"I'M GOING TO KILL THIS ARSCHLOCH!" Gilbert yells after me, half mockingly, have for-real.
"Not on the cooooooouch!" I call happily. "I just bought that. It's new. It can't get blood on it for at least another two months."
"That's stupid!" calls Francis. "Gilbert, get the fuck away from me before I kill you!"
"You won't kill me, Franny, you love me too mu- OW! What the fuck was that for?!"
"Mario's the weener!" came from the Wii.
"I won!" came, smugly, from Francis.
"Verdammt!" cried Gilbert. "You cheated!"
"I did not!" cried Francis.
"You did-"
"Guys, guys, be quiet while I order!" I call.
"Hello, this is Domino's Pizza, how may I help you today?"
"I would like three large cheese pizzas please!" I say cheerily. "Oh, and some Doctor Pepper!"
After the usual stuff about cost and such, I hang up the phone and creep into the strangely quiet tv room to find Francis and Gilbert furiously arm-wrestling. I don't know how Francis even manages to last more than five minutes against Gilbert, since he doesn't focus on strength so much as beauty. I think it's pure narcissistic stubbornness that made their record twenty minutes and thirty-five seconds. (That was a long night. All they did was arm-wrestle.)
"Who's winning?" I ask loudly and annoyingly, causing Gilbert to shoot me a look, which takes his focus off the game for a moment and gives Francis enough leverage to gain the upper hand- literally, in this equation. (Where did I learn these big words? I must be spending too much time with that one person!)
"Me now, Antonie," Francis says, sending Gilbert a smug look.
"But I'll be soon, Anton."
"Not if I have anything to say about it!"
"Well, you don't, you sick French bastard."
"Right, like you're any better than I am, you stupid German idiot."
"Prussian," Gilbert corrects, sweat beading on his forehead- wow, this is getting really serious, isn't it?
The doorbell rings and I jump happily at the opportunity to get away from these two- these two demons. I answer the door with my customary smile. It falls to the floor as soon as I see the angel on my doorstep. Not-quite short, but not what could be considered tall; lithe, slender body that could be considered almost feminine, maybe; dark, glossy brown hair that has this one random curl sticking up on the left side; a pouting, cherubic face, and the most brilliant brown-hazel-green-gray-whatever eyes I have ever seen before in my entire life.
"Pizza's here," he mutters, sounding as if he has a personal grudge against me and everyone who knows me. His voice is melodic and pretty and makes me want to serenade him with my guitar.
"Can I get your number?" I blurt out before I even have the time to think.
"Fuck you," he says angrily, turning around and stomping back to his run-down, beat-up old... type of car. (Cars are Gilbert's thing.)
"Wait!" I yell, running after him.
"FUCK OFF!" he yells, opening the passenger door and climbing in. I run over and hold the door before he can slam it shut.
"Can I at least have the pizzas?" I ask breathlessly. He stares at me for a moment, like he can't believe it, and then says, "HELL NO!" and drives off, running my foot over in the process.
"It was love at first sight!" I tell Francis and Gilbert after I've somehow managed to limp back inside the house. They stare at me, Gilbert looking almost impressed, for some reason.
"You're so stupid," Gilbert says appreciatively. "I hadn't realized it before."
"Antonie, I think perhaps you should see someone about your problems... when people fall in love with you, they don't run over your foot."
I smile at them and try to ignore the blinding pain streaking up from my poor, smushed toes. "He didn't do it on purpose, silly!"
"Well, I don't think he did it on accident," Gilbert says, rolling his crimson eyes.
"Of course he did! He would never hurt me!" I insist. My foot hurts...
"Antonie, has it occurred to you that you don't even know his name?" Francis says gently. "Or know him. At all. You don't know who he is, or what his name is, or anything. All you know is that he works delivering pizzas and that he ran over your foot."
"So? You've done worse with people you know even less about!" I say with a pout.
"Yeah, but I didn't fall hopelessly in love with them! Only slightly in love. In love enough to do unspeakable things to them that would rot your innocent brain." Gilbert sniggers behind his hand at that, and I deepen my pout.
"Francis, you're being mean! I love him enough to do unspeakable things to him too!"
"Somehow, I don't think that he'd enjoy that," Gilbert said wisely.
I turned to Francis to see if this was true (love was Francis's thing) and he shrugged lightly, like the French do sometimes. "Well, some people don't like unspeakable things, for some reason."
"Oh. Well, what should I do to win his heart?" I ask. Gilbert stifles another snigger, but I ignore him. This is important! My life depends on Francis's answer!
"I don't know, figure it out yourself." Francis said with a smirk.
"FRANCIS!" I whine. "You've abandoned me?!"
"Antonio," he says, placing his hands on my shoulder and looking at me seriously. "I want to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago: you're an idiot. Now, get up and go use your idiotic charms on that weird pizza delivery guy!"
"But how?" I whine.
He looks at me as if I'm stupid, which I am, ahaha~ "How did you get him here in the first place?" he asks. A lightbulb appears above my head.
"I'm going to go order some pizzas~!" I say, happily running to the phone in the kitchen. I have a pizza delivery guy to catch!
A/N Shmerpedy shmerp! This is gonna be a TWO-PART oneshot, 'cause DUH, I don't follow the rules! D: Anyways! Look forward to part two, and thank Calico Productions for this~!