running from the grime Chapter 17: in the shadows of my past, a danny phantom fanfic

A/n: hey guys I'm back I sincerely apologize for the long ass wait. Okay so yeah I'm here and im sorry I had loads of make-up work to do, so my stories were temporarily put on the back burner, but I'm back now.

So yeah critique me please and please review even if if's negative, no flames but like "oh you could use more work" but I don't want no "you know what this is shit, and don't write fanfiction, you fucking suck, so not cool."

If that is what you have to say please do not review at all. I know my stuff may not be the best, but come on that's just rude bro. anyway please review, let me know what I can improve, both grammar and plot wise, and please for the love of god, and all that good and pure, please, go check out the facebook, I beg of you *get's on knee's and begs*

Okay enough of my rambling on, get ready for the party.

So yeah welcome to

Chapter 17: in the shadows of my past

For Danny:

Never regret for the saddened past because it offers a happier future, and never forget the dark time because it leads to a brighter moment

~Sandra korompis

For Helen:

How little you understood me, how little anyone ever did.

~lex luthor (Lois and Clark the new adventures of superman)

For sam:

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

~ Marianne Williamson

(a/n: hey sorry to interrupt but I do not own bring me to life by evansencce)

sam's pov

Many words have been spoken about me, most of them negative. I used to believe, that if I could just go out outside for one moment, everything would be better. I was wrong. There was a time, when the only person who loved me was sage; even then I was truly alone.

I was worthless, that the word that came to mind when I thought of me. Sage was beautiful, talented and loved, and I was worthless. I was a waste of space, nothing but a speck of dust, in the addict. I was nothing, that's what I believed.

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb

Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold

That's what Helen, told me, that's one Paulina and her crew told me, so that's what I believed. Even though sage loved me, I never could believe different. I got more friends, but still they could never know the agony of what It felt like to be me. To be a prisoner.

I was a prisoner; of my own house my own life, my own mind. I was loved by the few friends I had, but still in the dark I would cry. The mask I wore by day would be stripped, and the phony smiles I bared, were far gone. The tears I had held in the whole day began leaking from my eyes.

The blade I held nightly was slitting my worthless body, and I was crying my worthless heart out. I used to hate myself, for every even thinking I deserved the light. I used to beat myself physically, forever even dreaming, of a new dawn.

Until you find it there and lead it back home
Wake me up (Wake me up inside) I can't wake up (Wake me up inside) Save me (Call my name and save me from the dark)
Wake me up (Bid my blood to run) I can't wake up(Before I come undone)Save me(Save me from the nothing I've become)
Now that I know what I'm without

I didn't deserve it, I was worthless. How could they understand that, they couldn't? they were out cast sure, but they weren't me, they would never know. They would never know the feeling of worthlessness, uselessness. The feeling of being so hated, you begin to hate yourself.

No they couldn't, no one could. That's what I believed, for years I did. Even as I was gaining more friends, and the smiles became less fake, I still was worthless. Even after I was partially free, I was worthless. I was nothing.

You can't just leave me

Breathe into me and make me real

Bring me to life
Wake me up (Wake me up inside) I can't wake up (Wake me up inside) Save me (Call my name and save me from the dark)
Wake me up (Bid my blood to run) I can't wake up (Before I come undone) Save me (Save me from the nothing I've become)

I didn't deserve what I had, I didn't deserve to be loved, and I was worthless. When the curse fell upon us, the little happiness I had gained, left it was gone then. I fell back into prison; the key had been thrown away long ago. I knew I didn't deserve.

I had supposed fate knew as well. fate knew I was worthless. 2 years of watching them suffer, 2 years of going mad, of knowing it was my entire fault. I never knew what kept me, from ending it all. I tried, but somehow by some, pain or punishment, I never succeeded.

I've been living a lie

There's nothing inside

I never could. I never knew that I deserved any more than to suffer. Then I went to library, just a simple act, of ditching class, could have changed my life. Impossible how did I deserve such a miracle. How did it come to be, that my savior, would walk right up to me in the library.

Bring me to life
Frozen inside without your touch

Without your love, darling

I was me, worthless, useless god for nothing, Samantha Dawson, a miracle, for, that was impossible. That I couldn't understand, I couldn't comprehend, perfect blue eyed, just enough chiseled, not too bulky, not too, skinny, Danny Fenton, talked to me.

Only you are the life among the dead
All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see

How, how could he come into my life, that fateful day and make me, feel less than worthless, slowly bring me to life. How is this even possible, I was slowly going crazy. I was dying inside, and he came and somehow made me question, everything I believed.

Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems

He saved me, from all the despairs in my mind. He saved me, from everything he possibly could have. He made my last month alive, the best month I ever lived. I just hope I get to see him one last time. If I do, sand if everyone else lives, I'll be okay.

I really think I will, it doesn't matter if I die, I just want to give back to him, everything he gave to me.

Danny's pov

The shadows of past have always haunted me, and even though I tried to escape they are still haunting me. This time though I'm not fighting it, I need to save her. I need to repay for the burnt soul she healed, I refuse to let her die. She never loved herself, I knew that.

Got to open my eyes to everything
Without thought, without voice, without a soul

If we both survive this, I will spend eternity showing her, how wonderful she really is. I won't let a day go by, where she hates herself. Seeing the scars she placed on her, body killed me. I sound like a hypocrite, but I love her, she is a dark angel with a heart of gold.

Don't let me die here

There must be something more

She learned to love me, me she didn't care that I wasn't entirely human, she didn't believe the rumors about me, even when she saw the article, she still stuck by my side. Somehow she'd afraid, that she isn't worthless, she is afraid that she is so strong.

She is afraid of her beauty, her grace, her intelligence, herself, she is afraid that she is perfect. I will change that, I will let her change all of it, I will take every word that Helen put inside her head, and bury it. I will show her who she is, just like she'd done for me.

I couldn't believed it, I couldn't believe that somehow had fallen in love with me, someone who I had loved had well. I couldn't believe I the guy had sworn it off was in love. It was true though, from the moment I saw her, it was bigger than the world, and the both of us, it was stronger that me. I was in love.

I didn't deserve her, she tries to tell me vice versa, but I know the truth. I don't deserve her, I will spend the rest of my life, trying to be, the man she deserves. The man she believes I am. I will move 1 thousand mountains for her, if fate gives us this. If fate allows us this one chance, at life and love then I will repay it.

There's nothing inside

Bring me to life

The room swirls around us, and when it comes to a stop, it stops at a familiar yet heart breaking place. Fenton works. It was my old room, I see my younger self, I'm about 13. This is the night of the dance.

I smile fondly, at the goofy smile on my face, as I think about my plan. I had forgotten this day, but yet it is still so fresh in my mind, I watch it as a movie, of my yesteryear. The smile on my younger selfs face, reminds me of how things were back then.

Max didn't matter so much, I didn't have powers, jazz and tucker were there, mom and dad were alive, and Paul was in my life. Those were the days, they seem like another life time, even though I had accepted that universe didn't like me, I would've never guessed, what would be in my future.

I barely had a care in the world; I was at home, some place that seems so distant now. I watch has my younger self, struggles to put on his tie. My younger face, twist into a childish pout at my inability to put it on.

I hear a knock, my younger self looks rather annoyed, I almost want to knock him over the head, and say "you ungrateful son of a bitch, do you know the agony that will follow you! This moment is a miracle savor it dumb ass!"

But I can't, he is nothing but a memory and he can't here me anyway, besides it would do any good. I'm week and my mom would probably give me the kung fu treatment, for stepping with in a mere foot of her "baby". Although it would be nice, to see her again even in such pretenses.

I'd give anything to see, her face one more time, even in that ridiculous jumpsuit. I'd give anything to see her smiling face, and smell her Mary Kay perfume, or have one of her over baring hugs. Hell I'd even settle for her shooting me with an ecto gun, even in my weak state.

In fact I would want her to shoot, my god damnit why didn't she! She couldn't shoot me, she refused to even though I was, a ghost even when she saw my possessed state change, and I begged her to shoot me, she didn't.

Dad didn't scream "ghost, Maddie lets dissect it" they just stood there, and tried to reason with me, every time I got a word in, I screamed "shoot me", she just kept assuring she'd find some way to save me. She kept saying there was another way.

She said that, until I could hear her screams no more, until I watched helpless has, dark Dan used my ghostly wail on the house, and I watched as it was blown away, crumbling under its own structure. I watched, as my whole life flashed before my eyes.

She should have shot me why the hell didn't her. She could have lived, dad could have lived, and all those innocent pedestrians could have lived, god why didn't she shoot me.

I stop my mental rant and continue to watch the memory, I finally open the door, there a 15 jazz is standing there, so young and innocent looking. She gives off a small chuckle, as she says "hey little brother, having trouble with your tie"

I mock glare at her, she was always good to me. Sure we fought, oh did we fight like all siblings do, but I loved her, and she loved me, and at the end of the day, that's all that mattered. I nodded; a she walked right over to me, as she tied my tie for me, and straightened out my collar.

I watched, as her began to lick her fingers, uh oh she was going to try and tame my hair. I laughed as my young self jerked her away, muttered a few whines, and shooing her away. She kissed my forehead head as I squirmed a little more, and I heard Paul behind me, laughing at the memory.

I looked in the mirror and muttered for a bit, before I chuckled. Decided that was has good as it was gonna get, I walked out of my and trudded down the stairs. There waiting for me, was my mom and dad, with the damn cameras.

The memory became hard to stand, everything was the same as I remember it... the tables the chairs, everything in its place. There were ecto weapons on the floor, cakes of ectoplasm on the walls. The specks of cookie crumb scattered across the coffee table.

It was all the same, the chipped paint on the walls the aroma with a mix of ectoplasm and cookies. My dad's needle point astray on the floor. It hurt to look at the sight, I was hardly watching the memory anymore, just looking at the items and where they were placed.

It was like a dream, I hardly ever had dreams any more, only nightmares, or just a blank array of black. I couldn't remember the last time I had a dream. I suppose Paul, noticed whatever look I had upon my face, she stopped the memory.

"Danny I know it's hard, to see all of this, to look right at the house that's now in rubble. You have to watch the memory"

She sad, stoically trying to not to show emotion, if she did she would cry. It was hard for her two; she spent more time, with my family than she did her own. I knew she was right, but I couldn't look that way, I couldn't stand there in front of my mom.

My mom, and my dad they were dead, it was my fault I couldn't watch this. She couldn't understand that, she could try, but she couldn't possibly imagine. I thanked what ever watched over us, when I saw tucker and his date, yes tucker got a date.

He had Paul to thank for that, she had a rep around the school; none of it was true though. She told pretty much every, girl in school that she had slept with tucker, and he was "good". Pretty much all the pops were fighting over him after that.

Even though the idea of him and Paul together, sickened me, I was happy for tuck, he finally lost his virginity the night of the dance. Funniest part of the whole charade was, the next day Paul heard from the locker room, that somehow tuck lived up to the lies she told about him.

It should be only a little while before, tuck his date and I leave. I glance around and notice the glare jazz is giving the other girl. I had never noticed that before. I had been blind to it.

After my mom raving over us three taking pictures, she finally lets us go, as we all leave and hop on our mobile electric scooters. Tuck had a hard time getting his date on the handle bars, but once the task is done. We all slip on our mask and head for the dance.

Dawson residence

3:00 pm

The gang along with an unconscious Danny sit in the basement

Jazz: so let's review, were stuck in here, Danny cant wake up until, 11:55 and these walls are sound proof, and no one has a charged or working cell phone.

The woman stated, the obvious clearly irate. Things looked so hopeless and ideas were running slim to none. They had tried breaking the door down. They had tried call for help but there cells phones were all dead.

It seemed more and more hopeless by the second, and time was of the essence.

Ethan: there's one thing we haven't tried, it's a long shot but it might work. Sage told me about a vision you had a while back, the one where you saw bits and pieces of things that made no since. I think they make a bit more since now.

The birth certificate, with the name Manson on it, was Sam's birth certificate. the ghost ray, the one that was green was Danny's, tucker's bat swinging into the jars; well we have to find the jars.

He stated getting everything out in the open, knowing that there would be some objections. It was the only option they had, right then so he thought it best to try. It a matter of hours it would be too late.

Tucker: but now that Sam made this deal with Helen, what if it doesn't work for her.

Tucker stated, with worry in his eyes. He knew somehow it would save jazz and sage, but Sam she was important to. Not because she made his friend a better man, but because he cared for the girl as well. he loved Sam, that was his sister, the only sister he'd ever have, and if Danny couldn't protect her at the moment, he would have to fill in.

He knew if, Danny really didn't come back until 11:55 he was gonna have to make a choice. He just hopes by some luck, by some miracle he wouldn't have to choose.

Ethan: to you see any other plans, throwing themselves at us!

The boy screamed, his true nature, showing for a second. He had always tried to push the part of him that was his father away, but atlas it was a part of him. The part of him, that wanted to blackmail Danny, the part of him that hid up in the Dawson's tree to see sage.

One day he would have to face that, but right then, he wasn't ready to realize that truth.

Sage: Ethan calm down, what the hell has gotten into you!

The girl screamed losing her; cool all the while baffled has to why Ethan was acting this way. She didn't know the depths of his family skeletons, she knew she was in love with him, and that's all that mattered.

Sam: guys, if there's a chance these jars will work, then don't worry about the effects it will have on me.. it's what I want for you guys.

The girls stated barely able to speak, due to the lack of food and water, and the fact she got weaker each second. Her breathes getting raspier and more forced, her eyes getting darker and more heavy. The hours wore on, as she wore out, the climax was finally coming. The deadline that the boys had been dreading was that very night.

The past few days of happily ever after, seems years ago, all of them were fighting to stay alive, and fighting to accept the fact that, both Danny and Sam, might not live on the see the day sunrise.

Tucker: Sam no, it does matter, when me and Danny and Ethan started this mission, I told him, that if anything ever happened to you, I would protect you with my life. So I will, not just for him, because even though I only spent a few months with you, you grew to be my sister, so I won't let you die.

He stated adamantly, unshed tears bringing their ways to his eyes, as he pushed them backward, he didn't love her like Danny didn't, no he would ever but he cared for, her, and he wanted her to be safe.

Sam: tuck, don't argue with me, we are all on the brim of life and death here. Think of jazz, think of the limits she will go through being blind, for the rest of her life. You guys have, to find the jars, and break them, or none of us have a chance.

The girl stated as she closed, her eyes falling unconscious, getting the attention of all the other teens in the room. Tucker and jazz and sage, ran over to tend to her while Ethan just stood idle. Once the gang realized that she was merely unconscious, the all in the room seemed to calm.

Ethan: guys we don't have a choice a t this point, and who knows it might save sam, despite her deal with helen.

He stated irately and desperately, he needed to get them on board, he wouldn't allow sage to be, deaf for her whole life, no matter the cost. He was far to in love with her for that.

Jazz: I hate to say this, but what could it hurt, we have to agree though, we find the jars, and don't break them until we have it all figured out.

Jazz said trying to be the piece barrier, she needed everyone to be remotely on the same page, like Sam said they were on the brim of life and death, jazz being a self-esteemed, knower of the human mind she knew more than anyone, that for right then they all desperately needed to get along.

Ethan: fine, but the moment Danny comes to we waste no time.

Somewhere in Danny's mind

Danny's pov

Paul's fingers snap once more, and the word around us, pauses again I look at her in confusion, but not for complaints, I'm glad to out of the memory of what once of my home. I never want to see it again, not for a moment.

It makes me remember, and it kills me. I need to remember, I need to face it, but wants and needs are very different. I want to wake up and somehow save Sam and live happily ever after, but I can't, I don't know how to do either.

"I'm going to skip to, when you arrive at the dance"

She say's calmly and once again her fingers snap, and the world around us is a white blur. As items, and bodies come into view a paused, version of our school dance, comes to view.

"you ready"

She asks, as I stiffen at the thought, watching the goods times, with her slowly kills me, along with everything else in my life. Those are times that seem so ancient to me; times I've been forcing myself to forget.

They are times, I don't want to remember, I don't want to remember who I was back then. I don't want to remember the light in my eyes, and the light in hers. I don't want to remember the way grimey waters was. The life that once flowed through the eyes, of all the now deceased. The hope that they looked forward to.

I don't want to remember, the birthdays they'll never have. I don't want to remember, the billboards that, hailed me as a hero. I don't want to remember anything before I arrived in amity park. I want to forget it all. The thing is I never can.

I have to embrace it, I need to embrace it.

I silently shake my head as Paul snaps her fingers once more, and the room zooms to life. I notice neither of us has walked in yet. Then it happens, I see the young her walk in. she stands out like a sore thumb with her navy blue hair, in a small town, she was one of a kind.

I suppose I have a type. She was walking with a sway in her step, her head moving in different directions, as if looking for someone. I wonder if she knew about, my plan all along. He always was smarter than me. Yet another thing I regret, I would like it if she would have never met me.

She would have lived a much better life, than always standing right by a guy who would never love her. Soon enough tucker, and I enter and we separate quickly as it would be to obvious, as to who we both were.

I spotted Paul easily, I remember this day clearly. I remember the sweat on my palms, my hand rubbing the back of my neck. I watch as I get closer and closer to her, and watch the situation unfold between us.

This time was close enough to hear what going on and I standing there in silence as I see it. I take in the moment, the small unforgotten details. The hand on her hip, the roll of her eyes. I take it all in, the air of the room, the music playing behind us.

"hey" I said nervously she just rolled her eyes under her mask but said nothing.

"well, I'm gonna tell you about myself, and I want you to tell me if you like me." I said, that was the hardest sentence I ever spoke, I mean even looking at it I could, barely understand myself.

She smirked, and said "well I think you're pretty hot, and I'd love to hear about you" she said with an evil glint in her eyes, she was just plain fucking with me. I never would have saw it back then, but yeah she was fucking with me, really good.

I watched myself go one, and on about how I was shy, and fun and how I had two awesome best friends. How I had watched her from afar, and a bunch of under stuff she already knew.

Once I was finished, she just looked at me for a moment, it was a blank look, I couldn't even come close to reading it. she ripped my mask off, and roughly placed her lips to mine. I kissed her, back with no remorse.

Then I heard a snap, and I knew this was too painful for her then. To watch the moment that was her dream, the moment that defined us as a couple. She couldn't watch it, especially not in front of me. She wouldn't give me the satisfaction, of seeing her cry.

I could always read her, somehow she allowed me to, no one else could figure out the mystery that was Paulette renolds, but me it came as easy as arb's. she wouldn't look at me, her head was turned the other way I wonder if she was already crying.

I shook my head of the thoughts, now wasn't the time to put myself into a worst stopper. I once again watched the scenes change, and this time it was my house once more. It was tucker, jazz, Paul and i. we all leaned in various bean bag chairs, and I reclined on my bed.

There were smiles painted delicately on each of our faces, and we had not a care in the world. I knew then what memory this was. It was the last time we'd ever be this way. It was the last time, we'd look so innocent. It was the last time that we'd ever smile that way.

It was the last time, we would look so healthy, even looking at her frozen form, I noticed the smile was fake. It was nothing more than a façade, attempted successfully to reassure us all. If I had to chalk one day, up to what brought on all the misery, this would be that day.

It was from this point that it could only get worst. It was as if I could savor this moment, I tried to memorize each detail. The air conditioning wiping through the air, the tilt in tucker's then clean and pristine beret. The light in all our eyes.

The house standing proud, sporting the loving family that lived with in it. the closeness of jazz and I, the beauty of the world around us, we never stopped to look at. I'd give anything to take this moment, and be him again, the guy I was back then.

Before the bounty on my head, before the hungriness, the cutting, the loss, the grief, the pain killers, the overall brokenness. I would give anything to be him, he's what Sam needs, and he's what everyone needs. He is gone, and dead.

He died the day dark Dan became alive, or maybe that's just when I accepted it. it didn't matter anymore, I wasn't him anymore. I was different, I was an orphan, I was broken. I didn't deserve her; she was the girl of my dreams.

"hey get your head out of the clouds, phantom were on a mission." Paul said in her usual sarcastic sardonic manor, I just shook my head unable to form the words that I needed. I hear another snap of her fingers; it seemed to resound around the room. This was one of the memories I was dreading.

If I thought it would help I'd gorge my eyes out, I'd let the blood slowly drip down my sockets. I'd fall to my knees and die right then and there. I couldn't though, I had to grow a pair and watch these memories, every moment of it. I had to pay attention, to all the little things I never would have seen before.

I had to make this count for something, if this were to be Sam's last day it would be mind as well, and if that were so, I was going to atone for everything I had done.

I watched as the room buzzed to life, I could see everything so clear, the three words dripping off my ears. I was practically there, I was taken back to that day. "guys, I need to tell you something" Paul started off, the looks on our faces, changed from happy go lucky, to confusion to concern.

Paul's eyes darted around the room, as if she were looking for a way to escape. All our eyes were on her, for a moment no one spoke, even tucker was silent. An eerie, death omen as it seemed, seemed to fall upon the room.

The one to finally break the silence was none other than, jazz. "what's wrong Paul, are you alright" she asked concern, lacing within her voice and features. Paul frowned, but stayed silent, and after that that still no one spoke.

We didn't know what to think, I remember that. I remember sitting there, thinking how bad could it possibly be. what was coming, no amount of anything could prepare me for that. I would never even imagine that as a possibility.

Minutes, passed as we just sat there, frowns painted on all our faces, as this time it was, none other than tucker to break the silence. "come on, blue it can't be that bad" tucker said, in a shaky, voice no matter how much he said those words, to himself he would never believe them, and neither would she.

Of course the way she started her confession didn't ease our nerves, in the least." I have a confession to make, I've been lying to all of you since the day we met." She said, her voice shaking as well, unshed tears welling up in her eyes. Jazz, seemed to fight the urge to speak for a moment, before she gave in.

"I knew it, I knew there was something about you, that wasn't right!" jazz exclaimed, the two had never seen eye to eye, to put it lightly. Paul was a bit of a rebel, she made no secret of it. she surely made no secret of the fact, that we were having sex.

Even before she did, most of her conversations would be centered on the topic, and other potty mouthed things. I don't know why, but I always like her sailor mouthed ways. It made me laugh, and the sex stuff, well I am a guy after all.

Jazz on the other hand, a conservative, and hardly ever swears, type of girl instantly clashed. I suppose that's the reason I was so attracted to Sam, she is almost a mix of the two of them. She'd defiantly not like blue, or jazz but she's somewhere in between, yet not like either she's like no one else; she is one of a kind.

Paul proceeded to roll her eyes, and give jazz a quick glower, I mentally sighed, I thought they were gonna go into one of their arguments. To my utter joy, and relief for once Paul just let jazz's words roll off her shoulder. "it's not what any of you; think most likely, especially not your assumptions, jazz."

She spoke making sure, to add venom to my sisters name. tucker and I stayed silent, but of course, jazz had to interject. "well there is no reason to lie in the first place, especially to people you claim to care about." paul rolled her eyes, once more although I could tell she was clenching her fist, her knuckles almost turning white.

It wasn't until then, I realized she was a sickly pale, although I tried to convince myself I didn't, some part of me, already knew what she was going to say. "ignoring that, what I wanted to tell you before I was so rudely interrupted…" she stated once again inserted a glare towards jazz.

"when I moved from here to California, it wasn't for a change of environment, like I said. It was because, the guy who was one of the best doctors, back in the 80's lived here. He lost his license and, got banned from 30 states, not to mention got sued for everything he owned, lived here."

She said I just kept my eyes on the scene unfolding before us; I could bring myself to look at the girl next to me. There was no way I could, not during this scene. She had all of our attention now, everyone was silent, once she took note of this, she continued.

"we searched and searched for him, after I was declared terminal, at the age of six. It took us to years to find him"

The younger me's face twisted in agony, back then I didn't know what terminal met, but I knew it was something bad. "Paul what's terminal?" I asked my voice, scared to know the answer. "it means I was going to die" my face paled, for a moment, and then I breathed a sigh of relief, when it registered that she had used past tense.

I actually was stupid, enough to get excited before the end, of the story. "the doctor claimed he was trying to find a cure for cancer, he'd do anything to find it. he began creating his own medicines without permission. He used, these herbs no one had ever heard, of and creating insane methods, of healing. It was said that he had cured, a woman right before he got his license taken away, not put in remission completely cured, as if it had never occurred." She paused to see, the reactions no one said anything once more.

"I had leukemia, and I was dying, really really soon, so when we found out he lived here, in grimey waters we came. After some persuasion, and a lot of money he agreed, to underground treat us. he did until about, a year ago. He died then"

She said as a tear she had been holding in slipped down her cheek, I reached out for her hand, but she shook it away, in a sign that she could do this alone. "so how did you get rid of the cancer" I asked her curiously. "I'm getting to that" she said as she wiped away a few more stray tears.

"the woman he cured before was in a different stage than me, she wasn't dying. It would have taken him longer to cure me. I was in the last stage of my treatment, when he passed. There's still some of the cancer left."

We all looked at her with horror, in our eyes there was no trace of the light that was there moments before. We could now say nothing, we were all at a loss for words, and there was nothing to say. A few more unwanted tears slipped down her cheeks, I wondered whether she was crying for herself, or if she had grown to care for her doctor, maybe a bit of both.

"once he died, we went to see, lots of other doctors, all of them had the same result." She spoke and for the first time, the silence was broken once more. "what about his research, can't someone else finish the treatment" jazz said, concern in her voice unshed tears, of her own in her eyes.

She and Paul never got along, real well, but she loved her just like the rest of us, just in different ways. In truth Paul loved her to; they always had a funny way of showing it. Paul shook her head, in all the strength she could muster, what she said amazed me.

" they could, but I won't let them that research was doctor, lethnamn's life work, if he can't do my treatment, that I won't let anyone else. That's why I came here today, to tell you guys, that I'm dying, and there is nothing anyone can do"

She spoke, as a single tear slipped, out of my eye, I quickly wiped it away. I needed to be strong for her. I didn't want to cry. I should have told her, that I don't care what you say I'm going to save you.

I should had, picked her up and looked her in the eyes, and said Paulette Reynolds, I am completely and totally in love with you, and I will do anything to save your life. But I didn't, because it wasn't true, I wasn't and am not in love with her, she will always hold a special place in my heart. I won't ever be in love with her.

So I just sat there, speechless and not moving that day. "guys, don't be sad for me, I'll be okay. I've gotta go now, dad's coming to pick me up, and take me to a home for people dying of cancer. I only have one request from each of you."

Tucker, and jazz nodded on que and I just sat there, still not moving still trying to process it all. I just sat there like a coward her eyes were welling up with tears, her body quivering, and her face pale as snow, and I just sat there. Like a rock not moving, eyes staring of into space. I did nothing to comfort her, I just sat there.

"I don't want you to visit me, or think of me, and please whatever you do, don't take those noted, and try to deciefer them. Just leave me be, please" she said with a plead in her eyes, and she took one last glance back, and started for the door."

I still never moved, not even a nod or a yawn to let them know I was still capable, of moving. I just sat there. Once again jazz interject, right as Paul was reaching for the doorknob. "paul, don't do this, I know your hurting, and I know this isn't easy. I don't want you to push us away, Isn't healthy. It doesn't have to be me, or even tucker, but please at some point let someone in, someway somehow please."

Jazz, said with a plea all the while walking closer, towards Paul, right before she gathers, Paul in a hug. Paul didn't return the favor. Who could blame her? Jazz just hugged Paul's stiff body, and I just sat there. After a few minutes of letting jazz hold her, Paul removed jazz's arms and looked back once more before, she walked out the door, and out of our lives.

As expected, I hear another snap of the fingers, and I take in all we just saw. That was the second hardest scene I had to watch so far. Although I knew it was, only going to get worst, I still couldn't shake, the heartbreak that came with relieving these imaging.

It was like staring your demons right in the face, and challenging them, telling them "make my day" like you are telling life "hit me with your best shot, you sick son of bitch" in a way that's what I'm doing. I am fighting a lonesome war that I hope to the universe that I win.

"Paul are you alright?" I ask her, I didn't know what else, to say but after that I had to say something. I'm atoning for, all my other and dark Dan's sins, so why shouldn't I atone, for what I had done that day. Looking back I want to bang my head against a brick wall, how could I just sit there.

Why couldn't I, or didn't I say anything to comfort her. Why the hell was I being so selfish? Even after I came to, why I didn't atone for it then, why did I even then, go and make it worst. Her wishes aside, why didn't I ignore them.

Why the hell did I do what I did? What the fuck was I thinking, when I haunted down that doctors old house, and broke into it. worst yet why the hell, did I through the damn notes, in the furnace rather, than use then to help her. I could have saved her, but I let her die.

I midst well have been the bloody, cancer that killed her. What if she wanted me, to disobey her, and pull her close and save her? Why did that doctor have to come to grimey waters or Texas at all? The man had 19 other states to choose from.

Hell why did the other doctors have, to take his license anyway, so he was eccentric, they could've let it go. Then he would've been in grimey waters, and Paul would have never come, to yucky elementary, and she would still be alive, and not attached to me.

Why did life have to repeatedly strike her and me, I'm just glad to know at least one, bad thing happened and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Sam's curse had nothing, absolutely nothing at all, to do with me or any if the people around me.

I can say that, for a few more hours at least, because if Sam does die, than that will be on me. Just like Paul's death was, the difference is that if Sam dies, I will too, it will shatter my heart so bad, that I will lose my will to live.

After a few moments of silence Paul spoke once more "Danny, it isn't your fault, none of this is, it's not your fault you were possessed, it's not your fault I died, and it's not your fault that, Sam might die. If you spend so much time in the pity party, you're gonna miss out on other parties."

She said, so accurately saying the exact opposite, of what I was just thinking. I know she was trying to help, but it made me angry, I didn't need encouraging words right now, I just wanted to get through this and go back home.

"paul let's just finish this please"

She nodded wordlessly, although I can tell she wanted to slap me. Once again the world around us became white and I knew what scene this was. I was always a good climber, even before I could fly. They had Paul in a home; I had never gone in there until the day she died.

I climbed up there, and sat on top the roof, pondering I don't remember what I'd ponder, but it was always a place where I could be above the world. When every other time I felt like the lowest being alive, on the roof, no matter what roof I was far above.

After I had burned, the only treatment that could save Paul, I did something so out of character for me back then. I grabbed a grill flamer, and took it to grimey's forest; I must have burnt down 20 tree's. I watched them burn.

I watched the flames, dance as I smiled a wicked grin; one that I thought was so out of reach. It was rather peaceful. As the scene faded to life, I saw myself a few days after, sitting on the roof of the home Paul was in.

I just sate, there my face hollow and pale, I had just got through a long day, of pretended, I didn't care, pretending it didn't bother me. Finally up there, I could show how I felt, I felt awful. Not like crying though, I felt guilty that I couldn't cry.

"are you ready, for the next one?"

She asked, I was finally shaken from my thoughts, as I wondered, why we even had to watch this. She smiled as I nodded, but said nothing. She snapped her fingers as we sat on the roof right behind, me.

The scene started, and god this was gonna be embarrassing. This was supposed to be private damnit. Yet there I was, with no shirt on and a pair of worn out jeans, in the middle of the night. I would give anything for her, to snap her fingers, before- oh shit, there I go, oh no, shit she's smirking.

If you haven't guessed, I'm singing granted I sound good, but it's just an awkward situation. What I'm singing is worst, my parents had these cd's they play sometimes while they, work and one of the songs, fit this situation perfectly.

(a/n: okay sorry to cut in, this upcoming piece of a song is up on the roof, by the drifters I do not own, nor do I own Danny phantom)

"When this old world starts getting me down

And people are just too much for me to face I climb way up to the top of the stairs And all my cares just drift right into space
On the roof, the only place I know Where you just have to wish to make it so Let me tell you now
When I come home feeling' tired and beat I go up where the air is fresh and sweet Up on the roof I get away from the hustling crowd And all that rat race noise down in the street Up on the roof"

Oh god, I have just watched myself sing, sing old school songs in front of my sardonic ex-girlfriend. This is bad; I think she is just watching this memory, to taunt me. "are you ready, to get off the roof phantom?"

She said with a smirk, that's when my suspicions were confirmed, she did this just to torcher me. "you watched this just to torcher me, didn't you" I said with a mix of a know it all, and a pointed look. She just smirked as she gave me a cheeky smile.

I heard her fingers; snap once more as once again the world around us went white. As the surrounding once again, swirled into view, I suddenly would have given anything, to be back at the last memory.

I would have given anything, to be able to skip over this one. I got lenience I suppose, with the scene after that, last that we silently skipped. The day, she died seemed, as if I could never shake it. I needed not to see, it nor did she it was forever embedded in our memories.

The next scene however, was one we had both pushed from our memories. Of course I couldn't have seen it then, but she was there. All of us stood, it was me my mom and dad, jazz and tucker there were the Foley's and the Reynolds of course.

There were various peers of ours, as well as friends of our parents. There were teachers, and faculty. It was a small town after all. This was big news. All but the mayor had come. We all stood there, hollow in our frozen frame.

We were all oddly dressed in black formal attire, the women closet to her, had black laced veils covering their faces, and shielding there tears. Paul gave me a small wry smile, all traces of that vile smirk gone, and suddenly I wished for it to return.

Anything but that look, that broken hollow look, that painful heart breaking look. The one I refused to see, on the ghost of Sam one day. No I'd never let it go that far, I'd breath my last breath, I'd kill 1 million men, if it were to come to be that, she could have one more moment.

I smiled sadly back at Paul, afraid to touch her. I didn't know how to comfort her, what was there to say. There was nothing that could bring her back to life. What if… no that couldn't be, she wouldn't do that to me, but what if, would she… damn you Paul!

"is there a way, or are you just making me watch these things to prepare me."

I asked her sternly to let her know I refused to take I lie, I needed to know. Was there a way. She looked at me with surprise, and then a look I couldn't identify, was it, no it, was it disgust. Her eyes flashed from glowing orange to a ghastly red, yup it was disgust.

I watched her hand raise itself; she brought it up and let it waver in the air. She said nothing, she glared at me, if looks could kill, and I'd be a goddamn corpse. Her hand shook, in the air as I felt it come towards me, as if in slow motion.

I knew what she was going to do; I didn't make a move to stop her. I winced, and my eyes closed on cue. Her hand stung my cheek, as I opened my eyes. I knew I had did some damage. I saw her eyes, were back to normal, as I watched with regret a few stray tears, fell down her cheeks. Her face was red in rage; I couldn't even look her in the eyes, why the hell did I say that. Haven't I caused her enough shit, already? What the hell did I do?

"how dare you, you son of a bitch! I go out of my way trying to help you, trying to save you! Don't you know what you will become, it's already starting! If Sam dies you will become dark Dan! I was there for you, since second grade and you doubt me, yet you trust your precious Sam, in a matter of a month. You are will to give your life for her! You can't even give me your trust after all these years!"

She screamed I watched helplessly, as she fell to her knees. her face was put in her hands at first. Then she looked up at me tears flowing freely from her, bloodshot eyes. Her words stung my heart, like harpoons I never knew she felt this way, standing here with her for several hours.

How had she hid it so well, better yet why had I been stupid enough, to piss off the only person who could help me hear. I had to say something to make amends, but what was there to say. The facts she reveals were said with such fire in her eyes, if what she said was true.

She knew my future, and she was trying to help me change it. I had stayed away from the light so soon, the one thing I swore I'd never let happen, was coming true. Dark Dan's last word's to me before he, was sucked into the thermos.

"cree que se ha librado de mí! cuando esa perra impar observado, muere me va a convertirse a entender, soy tu futuro!"

I still don't know exactly what it means, but if Paul's breakdown is any indication things just got a lot more complicated.

Dawson's dungeon

5:00 pm

Team phantom laid spread out across the ground, tired and breathing heavy.

sage: we have looked everywhere, maybe your vision was wrong, and maybe there are no jars. I know Sam said all or nothing but, come on were running out of time, and I'm not going to spend it looking for fictitious jars.

The girl screamed irately, she was starting to lose it. they all were, things weren't going really in the right were getting desperate, and it looked as if Helen had already won.

Jazz: no Sam said, that it's either real or not, and so far, it hasn't leaded us astray. We just need to look a little harder. Danny wouldn't want us to give up. I don't either; I don't want to give up.

Sage's eyes widen at this, jazz had struck a chord. This was there last chance things would change juristically after that night, whether for good or bad, it all deepened. Sage came closer to jazz, to the point where she could look the girl in the eyes, and smiled.

Sage: well then, we got work to do.

The younger girl said, as they took one glance back at their resting boyfriends, and there unconscious friend, and siblings. They knew their actions were a part of something greater than them, themselves. So they would give this mission there all.

They would do it for Sam, and for Danny the ones who had always sacrificed things for them. The ones who always went the extra mile, for them. They would return the favor, if it took there last breath. The funny thing was the way things were going, it just might.

a/n: okay so finally here you go it is the long awaited chapter 17, im sorry for the long wait I had a lot of makeup homework and finals week was this week, it's over now and I am done so expect and update for price for Danny soon.