"Eren?"
I heard my name called, but where it was coming from and who articulated it was unidentifiable.
"Eren, are you in here?", it called out again, but why does it sound so far away? Was the voice far away, or was I far away?
There was a pounding on a door, no, a pounding on my door. I snapped back into my senses.
"Eren, I'm not fucking joking, get the hell up; We must discuss tomorrow's defense plans before morning, so that we could actually fucking use them tomorrow." The voice grew more annoyed.
I recognized that I was in my room. I uncurled from my comforting ball-position, and sat up on my bed.
"Before morning", I recalled the mysterious, and ominous, voice say.
"What time is it anyway?", I looked at the clock, it read 23:55; I must have passed out for about 2 hours or so.
"Eren!", the voice and pounding intensified. Why couldn't I recognize the voice?
I became pensive, quickly struggling to indicate the doer of the voice before they tore my door from its hinges. "Tomorrow's defense plans. . .", I contemplated. Then, I recognized it, finally.
"L-levi?", I called out, not realizing how raspy my voice had become.
"Who else could it be, you damned brat? Now, open the damn door!"
I cleared my throat and stood up. Suddenly, my knees collapsed and I fell, pitifully, onto the floor. For some reason, I felt so weak and feeble.
"Eren, what was that?", Levi asked, getting more and more choleric with every passing second.
I let out a nervous laugh, "Nothing, just dropped something, Heichou!". I collected myself and forced myself to get up and do my job: follow orders and prepare to eradicate titans.
I cracked open the door, enough to be able to see the less-than-content Rivaille sending me a death glare.
"Yes, Heichou?" I asked cheerfully, feigning everything from my tone to smile. Unamused, he repeated himself: "The defense plans for tomorrow? I'd be delighted to go over them with you before it's necessary to initiate them?", he waved the delineations, spitefully.
I don't want him seeing my face, which is assumingly red and stained with dried tears. "Great Idea!...so, what are they?", I asked, again feigning cheerfulness.
Levi raised an eyebrow, seeming to become even more irritated. "Eren,", he sighed, "Wouldn't it make much more sense to go into your room, where it is light, so you could actually fucking see the plan?"
Crap, I had to quickly think of something to dodge that. "Ahaha...", I let out another nervous laugh, "honestly, you work hard and use up enough of your energy, no need to go to such extra effort. Just explain them here!", I explained.
He slammed his hand on the door, grabbing the edge, preparing to pry it open. "Look, Eren, I'm far too exhausted to deal with such nonsense bullshit. Now let the the hell in before I fucking kill you!". He began pushing the door open, and I began struggling to push it closed.
"Heichou, please! No!", I begged, I didn't want to loose everything, all I had left was being a useful tool, I didn't want to be completely thrown away...
Levi was much stronger than I to begin with, let along being in my current, weak, state.
"Eren, what the hell's the matter with you?!"
I just kept struggling, I will not let myself be thrown away.
It wasn't long before Levi won the battle and threw the door open. He charged in, fuming, and grabbed me by the shirt, running me painfully into a wall, leaving the defense plan papers to scatter on the floor.
"You've better have a damn good explanation for this!", if only stares could kill; I stood silent.
"Answer me!", He yelled, as he violently shook me, turning me over to where the oil lamp lightened my sorrowful face.
"Ere-!", he stopped.
Shit., I thought. It's all over, I'm going to be discarded, discarded like all of the other people who I once loved.
He examined my face, his expression slowly calming, yet still hinted with solemn. "What happened?", he loosened his grip on my shirt.
I turned my face away, hair covering my puffy eyes.
"Eren", he asked again, calmer this time. He sighed, "Eren, lookat me.".
"Tch!", I grabbed his hands and tried to pry them off.
"Eren, look at me.", his tone did not change this time. He let go with one of his hands, and fiercely, yet not painfully, turned my face to face his. My eyes widened, and my heart sunk.
"Eren, have you been crying?", his concern seemed sincere.
"It doesn't matter.", I answered.
"It does matter."
"Why would it?", I smirked, "Tools aren't guaranteed happiness."
"What do you mean by 'tool'?"
"My happiness or sadness doesn't mean anything, I should focus solely on killing titans, because that's my only concern. . . that's all I'm good for."
"Eren, what the hell are you blabbing on abou-"
"There's no one for me!", I yelled, "Everyone has someone! Someone to catch them, and hold them together when they're falling apart!"
"Eren. . ."
"I enjoy fighting for humanity, I honestly do! But. . . what does it feel like to be loved?"
"Love?", Levi asked.