Chapter 34: Games of love and war, part VI

-Citadel, Danger's Safe House, Next morning

Liara woke in Danger's bed. She sat up and looked around, but neither the mercenary nor the commander had been back that night. Nothing had been disturbed.

That is odd… I wonder why Jane did not come back.

She hadn't planned on falling asleep, but after a few hours of lying there in silence, slumber overtook her. She blamed Danger for that. It seemed that while the mercenary had access to every bit of technology the Citadel had to offer and was patched into the networks of every world, somehow she had rigged the video devices to show nothing but And Justicars for all, a rather… distasteful… asari porn vid, on every single channel. Liara was sure it was meant as a joke, but it still made for a very boring night.

She got up and changed back into her own ship casualwear. She had put on the ridiculous outfit Jane had been wearing the previous night, which was even bigger on her than it was on the commander, and slipped into the bed sometime during the evening to wait. But, the human never returned. Liara was more than a little disappointed.

What could have happened? I am sure that Jane wanted to come back. We have been waiting for this opportunity for… a really long time now. Maybe I am reading the signals wrong. Maybe she has already given up on me. Maybe she decided to stay out all night with Danger instead. Maybe these thoughts really are just in my head, and not some connection to Jane's mind. Where would she have gone?

The asari decided the first place to look would be the Normandy. If Jane had decided to just skip their rendezvous, she would probably have gone back to her own cabin, and Danger would have gone to sleep in one of her cars. Liara made her way to the docking level of the Citadel, and entered the ship. It was quiet, as most of the crew was either ashore enjoying the reprieve, or sleeping off the aftereffects of enjoying the reprieve. There wasn't a soul in sight.

It is so different than when we are all together. It is a little too quiet right now. Everyone is scattered, and it feels like at any moment, it could all be over.

Liara felt a stab of pain at that thought. She hadn't contemplated what it would actually be like when the mission was over. She was spending so much of her time and energy focusing on Jane, that she hadn't given much thought to what would happen after.

Well, I am having a hard enough time just making it through the here and now. Still, I wonder if Jane wants to… be serious about this and continue after the mission is over. Maybe she is just looking for a casual fling, and since I am an asari she figured it would be convenient and easy. Maybe now that it is not so convenient and easy, she is stepping back.

It didn't take her long to get to Jane's cabin, but it was just as she and Danger had left it; a complete mess. She smiled at the memory. It had been one of the most fun times she had ever had. Somehow, the mercenary always knew what to do to make everyone around her feel better. Danger was a good friend to both of them, and Liara wished that Terriana could see what a treasure the human was. Her earlier thoughts about Jane just wanting a casual fling disappeared as she recalled the mercenary's comments that night. Danger assured her Jane was in love with her, and Liara didn't think that Danger was a liar or the kind to sugar coat things.

She deserves someone who will hold her heart and protect it forever. She has been a good friend to both of us, and she did not have to be. Maybe when we get done with this mission, Jane and I can take her out and help her meet someone.

Liara closed the door again, and thought about where to look next.

I guess I should check the garages. If they both got drunk enough, they might have just ended up in the Mako.

Liara made her way down to the Normandy garages, but neither Jane nor Danger were there. The gunnery chief wasn't either, so Liara leaned against the vehicle and thought about her next move.

So they are not aboard the ship. Where else could they be? I guess they could have rented a room, but somehow that just does not seem like something Danger would do. I wonder if she keeps cars in the garages on the Citadel. She probably does. I imagine she would need vehicles here for when she visits or when she is escorting the matriarch to a meeting. I guess that should be my next stop.

The young scientist made her way through the ship once more, marveling at the silence, and disembarked. It was a long walk to the garages, but it was a peaceful one and she was grateful for the cool morning air. As she walked the Citadel pathways, she received friendly nods from the many asari bustling about on their business.

They probably knew my mother. I did not even go to the service on Thessia. I wonder what they must think of me. Why did I not ask Jane to take me back there? I am sure she would have. She probably would have escorted me, and we could have visited with Danger. Maybe if I had, things would have gone differently with Danger and Terriana. Maybe we would have gone out again, like we did on the Citadel, and the matriarch would have seen the real Danger and chosen her instead of her commando. I still find it hard to believe that the matriarch is not interested in her. It just does not make sense. I wonder… if I was not already involved with Jane, would I have been taken with the mercenary?

Liara wasn't sure. As it was, she saw Danger as a big sister, and it was actually kind of nice to have someone like her around. Liara didn't have any siblings, and she had always wondered what it would have been like to have a sister. Of course, she could see and appreciate Danger's beauty and strength, but she didn't feel that electricity like she did with Jane.

These things are so hard to figure out. I guess it does not really matter anyway what might have been. I would not have met any of them if it was not for this mess with my mother and Saren. If Jane did not exist and this whole crazy thing was not happening, I doubt I would have ever had the opportunity to meet Danger.

She arrived at the garages, and smiled her most charming smile at the young turian sitting behind the desk.

"Does Danger Vance store vehicles here?"

He smiled back at her and then looked at his terminal.

"Hmm. Danger Vance, yes I know that name well. Here she is. She stores two leisure class, one rover class, and one… Wow, one turbine class vehicle. I wonder when she got one of those. Are you looking for her?"

"Has she been here to look after them?"

"Nope, she hasn't been here in quite some time. She signed out a leisure class a few months ago, but no activity since. I think she has taken a permanent position guarding a high profile asari on your home world. I'm surprised you don't know about that. I mean... Well." He gestured to her, obviously meaning he assumed that all asari just naturally would have been privy to that knowledge.

She was last here months ago? That would have been the day we all went out for drinks, I bet.

"Thank you for your help."

"Come back anytime. We don't get much traffic down here, now that they put in the transit system. Danger is one of the few who still likes to drive herself around. She's a favorite around here; helps a lot of the guys with repairs. Give her my regards when you find her!" He gave her another smile, and then turned back to his terminal.

Of course she's a favorite down here. She's a favorite everywhere else, why not the garages as well? So I guess they did not come down here, they are not on the ship, and they are not in the safe house. Where else could they possibly be? Where else could Jane and Danger possibly have gone on the Citadel?

A sudden thought came to her, and she closed her eyes and wished it hadn't. There was one other place Jane might be, here on the Citadel…

Goddess, don't let her be there…

-Citadel, Consort's chambers

The Consort.

Liara didn't particularly relish visiting the elder asari, but she really had no choice, if she wanted to find the commander. She hoped that Jane hadn't spent the night with Sha'ira, but it seemed that she was running out of places to look. She steeled herself, and then started on the long walk to the Consort's chambers.

I should not have waited so long. What am I waiting for, anyway? Eventually my indecision is just going to drive her into the arms of another, if it has not already, and then I will lose her forever. Still, I thought I made it clear last night why I wanted her to return. Maybe she did not get the message. Should I have been more aggressive? I wish Danger had better timing. Jane would have felt the urgency, if we had not been interrupted. It is almost like the universe is determined to keep us apart, except in our dreams…

Except in their dreams... Liara didn't understand what was happening, but she did know that every day brought her more and more strange and unexplained images of the commander, and something was urging her in her mind to take the next steps. Something in her head seemed almost desperate for her to join with Jane.

This must be what it is like to fall in love. Every second, whether I am awake or asleep, she is on my mind, she is in my mind. I've never felt a connection to anyone before, and it is like I can feel when she is near.

That thought caused her to stop short. It was true. She could feel when Jane was near. She closed her eyes and reached out with her mind, seeking, searching, but the human was somehow out of range, or shielded. She could not feel Jane anywhere.

There are two possibilities. She is either being shielded by the Consort, or she really is not on this space station.

Liara continued walking with renewed purpose, and before she knew it, she stood before the Consort's offices. It wasn't a very large area on the Citadel, but it was immediately recognizable and even though Liara had never been here, she knew it right away.

Do I really want to walk in that place? What if Jane is in there? Sha'ira might not even see me. I could just wait outside here, and see if Jane comes out…

She agonized for several minutes over whether or not to enter. There seemed to be hundreds of arguments and counter arguments to sift through, but in the end, she did decide to brave the Consort's offices. Waiting outside might have been a good idea if she was sure that Jane was inside, but she didn't know for sure and if something had happened to Jane and Danger, the last thing she should be doing is standing around waiting. Even if it broke her heart, she had to know one way or the other.

Liara steeled herself, and walked up to the receptionist. She started to introduce herself, but the woman held up a hand and interrupted her.

"I know who you are, Doctor T'Soni. We have special instructions regarding you. Please, have a seat. The Consort will be with you shortly."

Special instructions for me? Why would there be special instructions for me? Oh no, Jane is here. That is the only explanation…

Liara took a seat on a nearby couch, stunned and heartbroken. She couldn't believe that Jane had actually skipped their meeting and come to see the consort instead.

Well, actually I can believe it. Instead of asking her to stay there with me, I pushed her onto Danger. I should have either gone with them, or just not suggested the outing with her friend at all and thrown myself at her. Everything is going so wrong. I am making the wrong decisions at every turn. Why is this so hard? Why did I not just send Danger away and disappear into the night with Jane?

Liara sat there for what felt like hours before her internal agony was interrupted by the receptionist indicating she was to ascend the stairs to the Consort's chambers. Liara stood, nodded her thanks to the woman, and turned toward the staircase.

I must control myself, no matter what happens.

But Liara was having a hard time keeping herself under control. Her skin crackled with the beginnings of a biotic field, and her hands clenched into fists. She was angry, and jealous, and hurt, and she had never felt emotions to this extent before. She was sure that the elder asari would make quick work of her, if she attacked, but right now, Liara didn't particularly care. She was furious, and something vicious inside her was awakening at the thought of her love in the arms of another.

She is mine, even though I have not yet claimed her. She is mine, and I will not allow you to turn her from me.

She is mine.

-Citadel, Consort's private rooms

Liara threw the door to the room open and entered, one arm outstretched and crackling with biotic power, fully expecting to see Jane lazily opening her eyes and the Consort struggling to dress. It was a ridiculous thought, of course, since the Consort would have had plenty of time to clean up while Liara waited in the lobby, but she wasn't thinking rationally right now.

"Where is Jane?" she demanded.

Sha'ira looked up from where she sat, and smiled at the young doctor.

"Liara. Child, you look more and more like her every day." She shook her head in wonder at the sight of the young asari in her battle stance, ready to smite anyone who threatened what she held dear. "You look so much like her. She would have been so proud of you…"

Liara's eyes narrowed as she scanned the room. Jane wasn't visible, but that didn't mean anything. The human could still be nearby. She could be in another room, or hiding somewhere. The young asari wasn't about to let the Consort distract her with comments about Benezia.

"She isn't here, Liara."

Liara lowered her arm, but she didn't completely dismiss the biotic powers flowing through her. The rage felt… right. She wanted to hang onto it for a while longer.

Sha'ira noticed.

"She isn't here, and we have no quarrel, Liara. Please, sit." The elder asari indicated the couch across from her, and Liara slowly moved toward it, still not dismissing her power.

"Where is she?"

"Well that I don't know. I have not seen her since our meeting the other day."

"Why was she here?"

Sha'ira stood and walked over to a window. "Liara, my visits with clients are confidential. I must keep many secrets. I cannot tell you the purpose of my meetings with the commander, but I can tell you this: She did not come here for the purpose you fear, and she was… unresponsive to my suggestions."

The Consort leaned against the wall, and looked at the agonized young asari across from her.

She truly does look more and more like Liari every day. It's going to claim her soon, I fear, if it hasn't already. The Goddess will not be able to resist, not when she is so much like her predecessor. I wonder if Shepard fully understands what she is getting into. I wonder if she will be ready for it. I wonder if I should tell her the truth; if I should warn her…

Liara decided that the Consort was being honest with her, though she did pick up the note of slight disappointment in the older woman's voice when she spoke of Jane's rejection. It awakened jealousy, but she told herself it was to be expected. Jane Shepard was strong, smart, with chiseled features and a regal bearing. She was surely descended from some royal line among her people. Add military prowess and power into the mix, and it makes for one irresistible human. Of course the Consort would have tried. The important thing was that Jane didn't respond, and the commander wasn't here. If she was, surely Danger would have been in one of the places Liara had already visited. Something had happened to them, and she would have to find out what.

For now, though, she thought it might be a good idea to tap the elder asari's wisdom. Something had been bothering her, and she might not get another opportunity to speak with someone so wise.

"There is something… else… I wanted to talk to you about, Sha'ira."

"Oh?" The elder asari returned to the sitting area and reclined next to Liara.

Liara thought about how to approach her questions. There were so many, but she was sure that the Consort wouldn't spend her entire day just explaining the world to a curious young asari.

"There is something strange, in my mind."

Sha'ira immediately leaned forward; intent on Liara's every word.

It is already beginning. She has noticed you, and it is already beginning. Can it be that she has chosen for you already? It must be, and yes, Shepard is worthy. She must be worthy, for everything hangs in the balance. We cannot afford for her not to be worthy, and you not to be ready.

"Can you describe it, child?"

"Not really. I have a… connection… to Jane Shepard. I cannot explain it, but sometimes, I think I see things that she is thinking, and sometimes, when I am thinking, she is with me. It is… not clear."

It is clear to some of us, child. You are marked, and she will claim you soon. Goddess, I hope you are ready. It was not to be you, child. You were not to be faced with this task; it was to be someone else. But she is gone now, and you are all that is left. We pray that you have the strength. We pray it will be enough.

"Are you in love with her?"

"I… I think so yes."

Sha'ira nodded. "It is not uncommon. No doubt your mother would have explained this to you, but since you are robbed of her, I will. Jane is connected to you as well, and her mind is different than that of others of her kind. She is linked and bound to you, and I sense that the two of you will accomplish great things together. I do not know where she is now, but if she is not with you, then she must be in danger. She would not have been able to go so far away from you on her own. She would only be able to depart from you under great pain. I would suggest you start from the beginning and retrace her steps."

Liara stared into the older woman's eyes. There was no lie in them.

"Did you know my mother well?"

Sha'ira flinched, but only just. "I knew her well, yes, child. She was a good friend to me for many years, and we went through many trials together. She was a blessing to our race, and I do not wish you to allow the words of others to taint her memory. Do not spend too much time dwelling on the past. Your future is bright, and you do not want to let it pass you by…"

Do not go down this road, Liara. There is no time for you to be seeking the past, not when the future is so uncertain. You must take the steps, and you must do it soon. We are all running out of time.

Liara closed her eyes, and then nodded once. Sha'ira was right. Benezia was gone, and Jane might be in danger. She couldn't afford to sit around here, trying to get information about things that were no longer relevant out of the Consort. She needed to get to Jane. She dismissed her biotic field, and relaxed her stance. Standing, the young asari respectfully put her hands behind her back, and smiled.

"Thank you, Sha'ira."

"Liara… This will not make any sense to you now, but I want you to know, that when you are ready to hear it, I will tell you. You are not ready now, and may not be ready for several millennia, but when you are ready, I will be here."

Sha'ira was right, Liara didn't know what she was talking about, and she didn't have a lot of time to ponder it. It was probably something to do with her mother and why she had gone rogue, but right now her mother's motivations were the last thing she wanted to worry about. She had to find Jane, and with every second that passed she grew more worried that something very bad had happened.

"I appreciate it, Sha'ira. Now, I must find Jane."

Sha'ira stood and walked Liara to the door. She embraced the young asari, and then held her at arm's length. "Yes, you are the very image of her, and you will change the world. Go now, and perhaps someday we will meet again."

The Consort watched as the young scientist departed, and she leaned against the doorframe.

She truly is the very image of you, Liari. I can see almost nothing of Benezia in her eyes. You would have been so proud of her, so proud. I just hope she is ready. She should have had centuries to prepare for this. She should have had you to guide her. She should have had Benezia to hone her. And, she should have had me to run to when the two of you became too much to bear. Now, we all must hope that Shepard is strong enough for her to lean on, as she embraces her destiny and her gifts. I sense the Goddess is speaking in her already, trying to push her to accept her fate. She is confused, but she must do this for any of us to have any hope of survival.

The elder asari straightened, and then stepped back into her private meeting rooms. She contacted her receptionist and cancelled the rest of her meetings for the day. Walking over to the wall that hid her secret treasures, she pressed on the concealed location to open the steel recess, and took out the small box that held her most valued belongings. Sitting back on her plush couch, she opened the box and removed a pair of bracelets that had never been worn. Engraved in one were the letters LN, and the other, BN.

She should have shown you these before you left, Liari. If she had, maybe you would have changed your mind and stayed. Maybe things would have been the way they should have been, with you preparing young Liara for her destiny, and Benezia teaching the girl biotics. The child would have carried your name, and I may not have come here, and instead stayed with you all on Thessia to help out and watch her grow. Who can say what might have happened, if Benezia had just told you that you were not a monster, and that she would give up everything to remain in your arms forever?

Placing the bracelets to the side, she removed a small packet of photographs, all of her and Benezia during the time they had been lovers. She gazed at them a long time, one by one, and stacked them neatly beside the thin metal bands.

Oh Benezia, how wonderfully unhappy we were! I think even then we knew that friendship was the only possible end for our union. I loved you in my own way, and I think you loved me as well in yours, but it was never like your bond to Liari. Still, you were the closest I ever came, Benezia. Who can say what might have happened with us if Liari had stayed among the stars, instead of returning to visit with you? Who can say what might have happened, if I hadn't allowed myself those brief moments of comfort in Samara's arms after that ridiculous quarrel we had. Who can say?

She bound the photographs once again with a leather strap, and took out the weathered parchment that held the last words of Liari N'Vara. Benezia wanted to destroy it. She wanted to burn every last one of the letters that weren't selected for the publication, to distance herself from what she had done. Sha'ira wouldn't let her burn this one, though.

I miss you, Benezia. I miss you terribly, and I wish to the Goddess that things had turned out differently, for all of us. Liari should have never suffered the way she did. You should have gone to her. You should have come to me sooner. I should have been stronger. Athame should have intervened. So many things should have happened, and now we must pin all our hopes on one who is barely out of adolescence. It doesn't seem fair.

Her eyes welled up with tears, and she allowed them to flow freely down her face. It had been a long time since she'd had a good cry.

You both should be here now, to help me all deal with this. But, I am here alone. All of you left me here alone to guard the secrets, and I must be strong. I love you Benezia, and I love you as well, Liari, and I pray that your souls have found each other again, somewhere, in the great beyond. I pray, like I have never prayed before, that the one you left behind will be able to find her inner strength, and harness the powers of the demons within, the demons that were too much for the two of you to control. She has no more time, and she has no choice.

Liara, you are the last of the N'Vara line, and you must prevail, or we will all fall into darkness.

Sha'ira lay down against the soft pillows of the plush couch, curled herself around her treasures, and slept.