Thank you so much for the reviews guys! It means a lot :)
—
My crush on Austin began Junior year when he moved here. Once he stepped through those glass doors and into my school, he was the head of the populars. Elliott hated the poor guy, being just like his girlfriend Cassidy. Can't stand to have another attractive person around. He especially hated him when Cassidy started flirting with Austin.
It was truly a stomach churning sight. Cassidy, low cut shirt, arms pressed together, whole lot of cleavage. Austin's reaction surprised me, it even made me question if he was straight or not. He told her as nicely as possible to..."Put your arms by your sides and pull up your shirt. You're attracting hobos" Not many guys said things like that to a gorgeous and, how do I say this? Big breasted girl.
After this event, Austin wasn't very popular with Elliott and Cassidy. That didn't stop him from still being at the top of the social charts. He soared to the top in a months time.
But you know, the reason I fell for him was not because of his perfectly messy blonde hair. Nor was it his cute, yet incredibly sexy face. No, I fell for that guy because of his kindness. He never cared if his popularity was at stake. He would talk to anyone who talked to him, not caring about their social ranks. In fact, his best friend is Dez, who used to be barely above me.
But above those things, what really made my crush for him form was when we first met. We didn't have any classes together but I'd seen him in the hallways. It was I believe three weeks after he moved here that he started talking to me.
It was just a regular Monday for me. I was eating my lunch at an empty table, while reading a book. A Tale of Two Tales by Charles Dickens. Great story, give it a chance.
Sorry, I'm not talking to tell you about the books I read. I'm talking to show you how terrible my life Is.
So again, I was at a table alone, when I felt a presence by me. I looked up to see a pair of brown eyes staring at me. He had a small smile placed delicately upon his oh-so-beautiful face as he waved at me.
"May I help you?" I had asked quietly, because I had become very shy over the years.
"I saw you were sitting by yourself. I assume your friends are not at school today and that's why you're sitting alone. I don't like the thought of you sitting by yourself so I came to keep you company. Hope you don't mind" After hearing Austin say this, that little bit of hope I allowed in my heart grew. There was someone who wasn't completely grossed out by me? Even if he was grossed out by me, he still was kind enough to act like he wasn't.
"Um, it's fine. But actually, I sit by myself everyday. I don't have any friends" For some reason after I said those words, something in me broke a little. I let tears form in my eyes. I was such an idiot.
"You must have some friends. How do you not have any friends?" He asked me.
"Because I'm a nerd. A dork. A nobody. I'm a good student. I get the best grades in all my classes. I dress like a "grandma". I'm completely and utterly useless. I'm ugly. A waste of space" As I told him those words I knew it was just another mistake I've made.
"I don't know what makes you think those things. Those are not kind thoughts you should have. You are not a waste of space. Every life's worth living, whether you like to think so or not. And you're definitely not ugly. You're actually quite attractive. The nerd part might be true but hey, I make the highest grades in all my classes too so I guess I'm a nerd as well" For the first time in what had seemed like forever, I let a smile join my eyes and nose on my face.
After that Austin and I didn't really talk very much. We'd walk by each other in the hallway and I expected him to just ignore me and continue to walk like everyone else does. But he proved to me yet again he wasn't like everyone else. Every time we'd walk past each other, he made an effort to stop and say hi to me. Ask me how I'm doing and if in still at the top of my classes.
This made me feel special. It made me feel like I actually did have someone who liked me. But I was naive. Of course Austin didn't do those things because he liked me. He did those things because he's a genuinely nice guy.
And that made me like him even more.
Two weeks had gone by and I was feeling great. Ever since Austin had started to talk to me, even though it was for short amounts of time, people started to treat me better. Instead of being bullied and picked on, I was just invisible. Invisible to everyone except Austin. He still managed to say hello to me, making my happiness even better. But see, that's the thing about happiness.
It never lasts.
One regular Tuesday afternoon I was leaning against my locker, reading another book. People had walked by me and did and said nothing mean to me. A couple of people even smiled at me. I was wondering why people were being so nice to me but I had thought maybe I wasn't as bad as I used to be.
I was wrong.
Just when I was about to finish my book I felt a presence near me. Thinking it was Austin, I smiled, turning around to face this person. Instead of seeing Austin's charming smile, I was met by Cassidy's menacing one.
"Is that a little bit of make up I see? Do you think you could actually look good? You're such a joke. Whenever Adam and Eve ate the apples, I'm pretty sure God made you as a punishment" Those words stung me. Was that the reason I was here? Was that my purpose in life? To be a punishment for something my ancestors did?
I could feel the tears threatening to spill. I tried to control them. I couldn't let Cassidy think she got the better of me. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Cassidy began to speak again.
"I want you to know everyone hates you. Including Austin. That's right, he told me himself. He said that you're gross and ugly. He said he doesn't even know why you still go here. He said if he were you, he'd never show his face again. He said if he were you, he'd kill himself" With those words, the tears came rushing down. I couldn't control them anymore. They were running down my face and I couldn't control them.
I couldn't take standing next to Cassidy anymore. Hearing her and her friends laugh at me. It was too much. Seeing all the people standing around me. Some of them were laughing, some of them were frowning, none of them were defending me. I ran off, away from everyone. I ran into the school bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
I started sobbing uncontrollably as I slide down against the bathroom wall. After crying for a while I heard someone walk in. I looked up and saw a girl named Trish. I didn't know her very well but she seemed cool. She was never mean to me.
"Ally, I want you to know that Cassidy's wrong...and she's got a bloody nose" I gave her a confused look. I didn't know why she would have a bloody nose. She looked just fine when I had left her.
"You look confused so let me clear it up. I hate Cassidy. I hate how she walks over people so I decided to actually do something about it. I punched her square in the nose. No one can say who deserves to live. Especially not people like her" After Trish told me that, she left the bathroom.
Still don't think my life sucks? Just wait, it gets worse. A whole lot worse.
—
Whenever I got home on that particularly terrible Tuesday, I thought it couldn't get any worse. I was wrong of course. It definitely got worse.
I walked into the living room to find my dad and his girlfriend Gena sitting on the couch waiting for me. I was very confused but that didn't last long. My dad told me what was up right away.
"Gena and I have some big news to tell you" My dad said, giving me a smile.
"What is it?" I asked kindly, not wanting to ruin what I've got going with my dad's girlfriend.
"Well, Gena and I are now engaged. And she's, she's pregnant Ally! Isn't this great?" He asked excitedly. I gave him my best smile. I mean sure I was happy for him, but I still missed my mother. Now don't think that's what made my day even worse. No, it's what he said next that completely broke my heart.
"This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. This baby's going to be a perfect little mistake" Sound familiar? Yep, you've got that right. That's exactly what he said about me, minus the "best thing that's ever happened to me" part.
Before I knew it, tears were already falling and my mouth was moving before I could do anything.
"Thanks a lot, dad. I see now what's more important to you. Apparently I'm not good enough to be the best thing that's ever happened to you. I think the only thing you got right about me was that I'm a mistake. An ugly, waste of life, mistake. And you know what? That's fine! I never expected you to actually love me, I just wished you'd pretend like it" After those words spilled out of my mouth, I ran up to my room, having my dad call after me. I locked my door and didn't bother to answer my dad's pleads to let him in.
I wasn't mad at him. How could I be mad at him? Of course I wouldn't be the best thing that's ever happened to him, how could I be? How could I ever even think I was something good that happened to him?
All I was, was an ugly girl who did nothing but make him spend more money to take care of me. He didn't deserve that. He deserved to be with Gina and their expected baby. He can put his money towards them and forget about me. After that I thought I had found my purpose in life. It was to make other people's life's worse. I didn't know if I even wanted to live my life any more.
Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if I was gone? I was just about to grab the scissors that were laying on my dresser and end my life whenever I heard my phone ring. It startled me because no one ever calls me. No one likes me, remember?
"Hello?" I answered in a shaky voice. I was surprised when I heard my mother's voice come through the other line.
"Oh Ally thank God. Your father just called and told me he was scared you were about to do something stupid. Is that true honey? We're you about to harm yourself?" She asked in a calm voice. I looked down and stared at the scissors that were now on the floor.
"Mom I'm too much trouble. It would be easier if I just-" My mom hadn't let me finish before she cut me off.
"Shut up, Ally! Don't say that. You're a beautiful girl who's perfect in so many ways. You know I love you so much" With her words, I started sobbing uncontrollably again.
"If you love me so much how come I haven't seen you in five years?" After saying that, I hung up the phone and lied on my bed, ignoring all of the to ringing that came from my phone. I ignored all of the knocking my dad was doing. I ignored all of the noises around me and focused on the sound of Austin's voice in my head. It was the only thing keeping me sane.