"No sparring for you?" I asked, taking a seat with Jon slightly removed from Ser Rodrik's sword fighting lesson.

"Bastards and princes don't mix," Jon returned.

"Really? Someone should tell that to Joffrey."

Jon laughed, "He's a shit. I can't wait until they leave."

My smile faded a bit, thinking of what the king had said about Eddard returning with him to King's Landing.

"Do you feel differently?" Jon asked, picking up on the change in my expression.

"No," I said honestly. "They are free to leave. I just wonder why they came all this way. There must be something they wanted to take back with them."

"Are you afraid we might lose some of our family?"

"I just want to keep us together as long as possible."

I bit my lip as my thoughts drifted towards my father and sister. If I knew they would be gone so soon, I would have spent every moment I had with them. Jon put his arm around my shoulder, rubbing my arm, but there was something stiff in his support. I felt a bit uneasy.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked, watching Bran pick up a wooden sword in front of us.

"Nothing is settled."

"Jon…"

"I told Uncle Benjen that I want to join the Night's Watch."

There was a long silence. Bran sliced through the air with surprising grace given his age. He would be excellent when he was older.

"Ana?"

"No."

Jon's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "No?"

"No!" I returned, looking back at him firmly.

I stood up and walked towards the keep. Jon chased after me. I could vaguely hear him calling my name, but my mind raced. We needed him here. With everything I dreamt was to come, Robb needed his brother. We both needed our brother.

"Ana!" Jon grabbed my arm, causing me to whirl around.

"Have you told Robb?"

"No."

"When are you telling Robb?"

"Not until I know for sure."

"Why? Jon, why do you want to join the Watch?" I demanded.

"There is honor in the Night's Watch," Jon returned.

"There is honor here!" I cried.

Jon's expression softened, "Not for me..."

Staring back into his brown eyes, I didn't know what to say. My stomach was lurching and my head was spinning, but the only words I could muster came out weakly, "You better tell Robb soon. He always knows when I am upset."

"You're good at hiding things when people need you to, Ana."

"Only when I choose to, Jon, and I want to talk to Robb about this, so please tell him."

Jon looked away from me, staring at the ground. His jaw jutted out in defiance, but his eyes suggested anything but. They were hurt, confused.

My own eyes began to sting before tears finally poured through, "We need brave men in the Night's Watch, Jon, but I don't want to lose my brother. I don't want to lose any more of my family."

Jon hugged me as I cried on his shoulder, squeezing him. I thought maybe if he could feel how much we needed him, he would stay, but I still couldn't find the words yet. I just cried, hoping Robb would be able to articulate what I could only sob.

"I'm going to miss you so much!"

Jon hugged me a fraction tighter, whispering again, "Nothing has been decided."

I knew Jon, though, and in his mind, he was determined. Only Lord Eddard could keep him here, and it seemed that he wouldn't be here to force him. I worked to pull myself together, brushing the tears from my eyes.

"Please tell Robb soon," I begged.

He let me walk away then. This was moving too quickly. Eddard…Jon…the gods only knew who would leave us next. My chest felt tight as I breathed in. Stepping behind a pillar, I leaned on the stone for support, hoping the coldness might shock me out of my tears.

It didn't.

Jon had been one my closest friends since arriving in Winterfell. The idea of him patrolling some wall for the rest of his life, visiting so rarely was upsetting enough. The realization that he wouldn't be a part of these battles I kept envisioning was paralyzing.

I tried to remember how to breath as my feet stuck to the ground as though they were steeped in mud. I let go for a moment, covering my face with my hands and letting the silent tears fall. He was the best with a sword, he could reason with Robb when Robb acted irrationally, and selfishly, I needed my brothers.

"Ana?" It was Arya's voice.

She looked at me with a wide-eyed expression, approaching cautiously.

"What's happened?"

"Nothing, Arya." Wiping away my tears, I looked at her. My red eyes would fool no one, but I would not give away Jon's secret. "Should you not be with Septa Mordane?"

"I made an excuse. It has been ages since we've practiced."

My promise to Lady Catelyn flashed through my head, but so too did my dreams. I needed practice as well. As much as I could get.

"Only for a brief time, Arya. Come quickly."

It was an excellent distraction. I kept defining small targets for Arya. She did well enough but certainly had room to grow. After a time, I sent her to return to her lessons and raised the bow myself. For each arrow Arya landed, I shot mine directly next to it. Feeling angrier with each one.

First, it was with Jon for leaving us. As I shot my arrows, I let out progressively louder sighs of frustration. A small clattering in the distance reminded me that people could hear. Lady Catelyn would be embarrassed in front of certain members of the royal family if they saw this behavior.

And as I thought about that, my anger turned towards her. Jon wouldn't leave if he felt like he had something to stay for, and Lady Catelyn had never made him feel part of the family, had never given him the chance to truly be a Stark.

But how would I feel if Robb brought home a child he had with another woman?

The thought sent my arrow off course, and I stopped in my tracks. None of this was fair. But Jon was trying to grow up. Robb and I could play house all we wanted, but Jon was the one acting like a man.

When I returned to our chamber, Robb stood, pacing by the window. I gave him a half-hearted smile as he turned to look at me.

"He told you?" Robb asked.

I nodded.

"How can he do this? Who wants to live on that damn Wall?"

"Someone who wants to protect the realm from the things outside of it."

Robb stared at me, eyebrows furrowed, his lips parted over his teeth.

"He wants to do something with meaning, Robb."

Robb let out an exasperated sigh, "He can having meaning here!"

"When your father leaves for King's Landing, how long do you think your mother will allow him to stay?" I returned, hoping my soft tone would somehow ease the question.

Robb's face grew redder, "This isn't – she can't – it's not her…gods, can't you of all people understand that I need my brother, especially if my father is going to King's Landing."

"Of course, I understand! Do you think I want him to go?" I demanded, stepping towards him.

Robb did not look at me. Instead, he looked over my shoulder, his jaw resolutely locked as his blue eyes turned to ice.

"Do you think I'm happy to see him leave?" I reiterated.

"I don't know," Robb answered with a shrug.

I scoffed, "I am trying to explain to you that your brother is trying to do an honorable thing. He is trying to be a man and make difficult decisions. We could learn a lot from him."

Robb's eyes darkened, "Forgive me for caring about my brother. I suppose that means I'm half the man he is."

My arms fell open as I exclaimed, "How did you arrive at that?"

"He's trying to be a man. We could learn a lot from him? I don't think you are trying to be a man, so that all seems aimed at me."

"I didn't mean it that way. Can you listen for a moment?"

Robb put his hand up. "I've had enough for now, Ana."

"Why? Because I disagree with you?"

"No, because you exhaust me! This day has been difficult enough without this to finish it!"

I bit the inside of my lip for a moment as Robb stared at me impassively. He started to leave.

"No, please, my lord, stay in your chamber. I'll return to mine and sit quietly, hoping you shall send for me."

Robb's icy eyes met mine, conveying that he was not impressed. As the door shut, I realized how childish I sounded. If I wanted to use Jon as a model, this was not the way to start, but my blood was boiling with fire, heating me through the cold night, and all I wanted to do was loose some arrows into mine and Arya's target. I would remember to grow up in the morning.