Title: Dirty Little Secret

Pairing: Hungary x America

Rating: T

"America's a fucking weirdo," Hungary said lightly to Austria as he played some symphony or something. Instantly, he twitched, causing him to accidentally slip into the wrong key, completely ruining the song. He took a moment to breathe elegantly in and out through his nose, before angrily (which for him meant slowly and purposely closing the lid of his piano and then getting elegantly to his feet.

"What, pray tell, dearest Hungary, makes you think that America is, to quote yourself, a 'fucking weirdo?'"

Hungary shrugged, moving slightly on the couch she was sitting on. "It's just, he's sort of... um... how do I put this? Weird, isn't he? I mean... sometimes... I don't know, I can't explain it."

Austria closed his eyes, then opened them once more, looking as refined and elegant as usual. "Hungary, please don't interrupt my piano to tell me that America is weird in an unexplainable way. At least wait until I am done. I was at a crucial part in that piece, and-"

Hungary waved his next words away dismissively. "Hush, Austria, dear. I don't want to hear you rant about the piano again. At least make me some cake if you do."

Austria rolled his eyes, frowning at her. "If you find America so strange, why don't you go and spy on him or something? You seem to do it with every other nation."

Hungary sat up, a slow smile spreading across her face. "That's a fabulous idea! See you later, Austria!" She jumped to her feet, leaned up, and pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek, even as he grew pale.

"Hungary, I didn't mean- I wasn't serious, you know-"

"Ta ta~!" Hungary said, giggling gleefully as she fled from his sitting/piano room, and then his house.

She would go to America's house, and she would set up camp in his attic, and she would watch him for as long as it took to find out his dirty little secret. Which she didn't have any proof of. But proof... was for the WEAK!

AYE**LUV**YOU

She was in America's attic for two days before she finally got any evidence pertaining to his dirty little secret. One night, while she was sneaking around, checking things out, she ducked into the bathroom to check things out (and to brush her teeth, but that wasn't important), and found... FEMININE PRODUCTS!

(Okay, they weren't necessarily feminine, but how many guys do you know with an athletic build and an advanced makeup kit? Yeah, that's right: NOT MANY!)

The next morning, she woke up to singing. At first she couldn't place the voice, since it was a lot higher than usual, but after a moment, her sleep-addled brain finally struck the realization that it was America singing. (He was singing obnoxious show-tunes, so there was no way in hell it could be anyone else.)

He had... quite a nice voice, if Hungary was being honest. A bit higher than she had expected, but not high enough that he would be mistaken as a girl or anything. Actually... his voice could be a guy's OR a girl's. Huh. She hadn't realized America was so... ambi-voice-trous.

She shrugged to herself as she listened to the now-familiar noises of him getting himself breakfast, brushing his teeth and getting dressed and such, then leaving the house. She waited about ten minutes for him to come back and get his wallet, which he had forgotten, and then ventured from the attic, knowing that he was now gone. She wandered around the house, made herself some breakfast (and a shot of vodka, a habit she hadn't been able to kick for a loooong time), then moved to his TV room to watch Supernatural On Demand. America wouldn't be back for another eight hours or so, which left her plenty of time to see Dean and Cas be bromantic.

Suddenly the front door crashed open. Hungary nearly jumped through the opposite wall as America burst into the entryway, which was not disconnected from the TV room AT ALL. She quickly hid behind a couch, heart racing, as America, muttering to himself under his breath, moved to get some other thing that he had forgotten.

On his way out, he noticed that the TV was on.

"How did you get on?" he asked the TV quizzically, staring at it from the entryway. "I didn't use you at all this morning, and I- I didn't watch Supernatural!" He stormed into the room, glancing around wildly.

"Who's there?" he called. "Where are you? Why are you in my house?!" Hungary moved even farther behind the couch, trying not to breathe. Her feet weren't behind the couch, but they were probably mostly blocked by a Band Hero drum set-

"There you are!" America yelled suddenly, darting forward to peer behind the couch. She froze, green eyes locking with his blue ones, and they stared at each other for a long, long moment.

Finally, he said, "Hungary?" in a confused sort of way. He moved from the couch, grabbed it from the bottom, then yanked it effortlessly forward, making Hungary fall from her side onto her face.

"Yes, it's me, Hungary!" she cried, hopping to her feet and getting into the en garde position. "Don't come any closer or I'll kill you!"

"Why are you here?" America asked, completely ignoring her statement.

"Oh, nothing," Hungary said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and looking him square in the face. "I was just spying on you to find out what your dirty little secret is." She smirked at him, but didn't get the reaction she was looking for.

"Oh, okay then!" America said casually. "Have you found out anything good?"

Hungary huffed, disappointed that she hadn't gotten more of a reaction out of him. "Well, yes! Yes I have! I've found that... that... um... YOU HAVE A SECRET MAKEUP OBSESSION."

America jerked back, looking extremely confused. "What? No I don't."

"Yes you do! I found a high-class makeup kit underneath your sink!"

"Oh, that? Belarus left that here one time when we were talking about how best to get Russia to marry her. I ought to give that back..."

"Well... w-well, you... um..." Hungary quieted for a moment, then suddenly blurted out, "You're secretly a girl!"

America's eyes widened, and he reeled back in shock. "H-how did you find out...?" He- she? -whispered.

Hungary reeled back as well. "W-wait, I was right?"

"What do you mean? Didn't you already know it?"

"No, I was just- just going out on a limb!"

"So that means that you wouldn't even have known if I hadn't told you?"

"Well... well, yeah."

"...Oh. That's lame."

Hungary and America stood there in an awkward silence for a couple of moments, and then America turned to look at the TV.

"So, you wanna finish this episode, then?"

Hungary shrugged. "Sure."

A/N So, I was writing this on the couch, and I'm about to type "Hungary would find America's dirty little secret" or whatever the line is, and then I glance behind me and my DAD is just STANDING there like some sort of SLENDERMAN, and I literally jump like out of my seat because he scared the FUCK out of me. And that's it.

Anyways, this story was brought to you by Starfire67 once again. :D

(This is unedited, btw, so sorry for mistakes.)