Title: The Proper Way to Ship

Pairing: None

Rating: T

"Ve, Germany, this is so much fun, right~?!" Italy said as he perched on the edge of the raft. He was soaking wet, which only made sense, considering how moments before he had been in the fast current of the Nile river. Germany sighed, one hand clenched gently but firmly around Italy's wrist as said Italian bounced up and down on his knees, peering around at everything with the wonderment of a two-year-old. A stupid two-year-old, Germany thought to himself, as Italy once more wrenched his arm from the Germanic nation's grip and fell over the side of the raft. Germany rolled his eyes at the scream, but reached down into the churning waters to grab his ditzy friend, if only so that the crocodiles wouldn't eat him.

Yes, crocodiles... Germany was not, as you can imagine, amused by this, though Romano's reaction to them- screaming at the top of his lungs while climbing all over Spain -did make him laugh, if only a little.

"Hey, bro-friends!" America called from the other side of the raft, which was pretty far down. He waved wildly and stood up, much to the horror of Canada, France, and Britain, all of whom were in the same section of raft together. Canada launched himself at his brother, grabbing him by the shirt and yanking him back down to the bed of the raft. Germany could see why: The idiot wasn't wearing a life jacket, mostly out of pure stubbornness.

"SHUT UP AMERICA!" Romano shouted hysterically as he stared down into the blue depths of the river. A crocodile swam up beside him and he screamed, grabbing Spain's wrist and squeezing it so hard his hand nearly fell off. Spain barely seemed to notice, filled as he was with the uncontrollable urge to push Romano in. It wasn't that he wanted Romano to drown or be eaten, it was just that... he wanted to see what would happen.

"HEY GUYS, THE BOAT IS ROCKING! HOW COOL IS THAT?!" America yelled, jumping once more to his feet.

"I WILL LITERALLY PISS ON YOUR FUCKING FACE." Romano screamed back.

"Roma, we're not allowed to pee on people," Spain reprimanded distractedly.

"I'LL PISS ON YOU TOO, SPAIN."

"Oi, don't piss on members of the Bad Touch Trio, it's not nice!" Prussia yelled as he steered the boat. Wait... he was steering the boat?

"Bruder... WHY ARE YOU STEERING?!" Germany yelled as he yanked Italy onto the boat once more.

"Well, I asked if anyone else wanted to steer but only Spain said yes and he's an idiot."

"So are you!" Germany said furiously. "That's it, hand over the steering mechanism-"

"Hey guys, there's a waterfall coming up! Wow, look how awesome that i- AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Prussia laughed as America fell off the raft and into the churning water. Italy screamed and clutched at Germany's bicep as he was struggling over to the rudder so as to kill Prussia. Spain had finally given into temptation and pushed Romano into the water, forgetting that the Italian was practically attached to his arm. They both fell into the deep river, both of them flailing around and screaming. Prussia laughed at them too, then shrieked as Germany finally reached him and shoved him into the water as well. Germany grabbed the rudder and steered them to the bank of the river, glaring fiercely at all the crocodiles and letting them know that he would kill them all if they attacked Italy and himself (France and England could fend for themselves). Then he, Italy, England (who was kind of shell-shocked), and France (who was definitely not shell-shocked and looked as calm and perfectly put together as ever) watched as the other countries dragged themselves out of the water. America came first, bashing aside any crocs who threatened to eat him. Next was Spain with a passed-out Romano thrown over his shoulder. He was somehow holding his favorite ax, a moderately sized one that was so sharp you could practically cut yourself just by looking at it. He was currently using it to bump the large reptiles out of his way, which was kind of weird, admittedly, but this was Spain they were talking about.

Prussia came last, and that was because he insisted on trying to vanquish all of the crocodiles in the name of the Teutonic Knights. Meaning that they kept biting him. Germany half-hoped that one of the lizards was poisonous somehow, just so that Prussia would get sick or something. For a long time. Like maybe possibly forever.

Once they were finally all on shore, Germany allowed himself a sigh of relief. Now his boss wouldn't yell at him for accidentally abandoning any of the other countries. Wait...

"Where's Russia?" Germany asked nervously. Everyone froze.

"Wait... Russia came with us...?" asked America slowly.

"Yeah... Yeah, he did!" agreed Italy.

"Mon dieu... Does this mean that we forgot him somewhere?" asked France. Canada reached out and grabbed his forearm, looking around nervously for the missing nation.

"You guys forgot Russia?" Spain asked with a frown as he gently laid a waterlogged Romano on the raft, using his own sopping t-shirt as a makeshift pillow.

"Yes Spain, it's only our fault!" England said sarcastically. "It's not like you could have been watching him too!"

"I was kind of busy!" Spain said defensively. "Roma was climbing all over me!"

"Hey, it doesn't matter whose fault it is, what matters is where Russia is-"

"He's right here...!" Russia said suddenly. He appeared from the bushes behind them, smiling evilly, dark aura surrounding him. Germany grabbed Italy by the shoulder and shoved the small nation behind him, ready to protect him with his life.

"Oh, hi Russia!" Spain said happily, fluttering his fingers at the other nation as he smiled. He wasn't fooling anybody, though; his hand was still on the handle of his ax. Probably he would use the actual blade if Russia tried anything with his Romano.

"Hi Spain!" Russia said agreeably. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you or South Italy... I'm going to hurt..." He opened his eyes just in time for everyone to see them flash deep black. "Prussia since he is the one who shoved me off of the boat as he rushed toward the rudder. Prussia, do you remember the days of the Berlin Wall? Not well enough, apparently."

Germany shivered at this. He had hated the time of the Berlin Wall. But... honestly, Prussia deserved whatever Russia gave him. He shrugged and grabbed Italy. As long as his pasta-loving friend was okay, he was too. And honestly, Prussia had survived for a long time. He could probably handle himself.

A/N So, technically a different oneshot was supposed to come before this one, buuuut... Whatever.

Thank VivaAmerica for this one, again~! X3

(Also, has anyone heard from HolyGreatGrandpaRomanEmpire...?)