I got in my car and drove home. I looked at the clock, and saw it was almost seven in the morning. We had all been at the fire longer than our scheduled shift, simply because we wouldn't leave until the job was done. Then add the complications and my shoulder injury, and that means we can be at a fire over half a day than needed.

Every September 11 I would pull Jewls out of school. We would visit ground zero, and her parents graves. Then we would visit the rest of my crew's graves. Julia could ask me any questions about that day, my old crew, or her parents.

I pulled into the garage of my building and sat for a second. I wondered if Jewls would make me wear my uniform today. It was always up to her, and sometimes she made me wear it simply because she liked seeing me in uniform. That always made it harder for me because people would stop me and thank me for my service that day. Or they would ask if I had lost any friends that day. The worst ones were the little kids that stopped and saluted me. Little did they know I didn't deserve any of it.

At the end of the day, I would bring Julia to a meeting with me. I quit cold turkey eleven years ago today, but it didn't mean I haven't wanted a drop since.

The first few years were the worst. Nate and Sarah would come with us and bring their family. I knew the only reason they came with was to see if I wanted a drink. When Julia turned six, Sarah realized I would never voluntarily drink again. I was in the hospital that 9/11 because my shoulder was cracked. It was the same one that always had problems. I was supposed to stay in the hospital that day, with pain meds getting pumped into me through an IV. Nate had said that if I refused pain meds, they would strap me down. But on that 9/11 I signed myself out of the hospital, and picked Julia up like we always did. I nearly collapsed in pain multiple times that day, but Jewls never noticed. She held my hand the entire time, and asked me every question she could think of. I let her stay in the hospital that night with me, and she was afraid when they put the needle back in my arm.

By this time I had taken the elevator up to my apartment. Julia was just walking out the door. She looked up and gave me a half smile, "I thought you'd forgot." She wrapped her arms around me.

I hissed in pain, "Never honey, never."

She backed up and looked at my shoulder, "What happened?" She looked at me in fear.

It was always worse for her when I got hurt around this time of year. "Nothing babe. My arm got caught in the ladder. I was stuck inside the building, and had to jump onto the ladder, but I slipped. I'm fine though." I looked her up and down. She had gotten so tall, and looked more like her father every day. I told her so, and she smiled.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded, "Yup. Just let me grab a bite to eat quick."

She pointed to the countertop, "I already made you a sandwich. You can eat it on the way."

I chuckled, "Particularly anxious today?"

She nodded, "Yeah. It's just I have a few more questions this year than usual."

"You can always ask me hun. You don't have to wait until today to ask your questions."

"I know. But it's just easier to ask questions today cause we're both prepared for it, ya know?" I nodded, "Plus it seems that as I grow older, the questions get harder to answer for you. So I try to think of easier ways to phrase them."

I laughed, "You just mean make sure I can't wiggle my way out of your questions."

She chuckled, "Yeah." We got to the car, "Are you going to teach me how to drive or will gramps?"

I snorted, "There's a reason people drive gramps everywhere. I'll teach you."

"So are you saying gramps is a bad driver?"

I laughed, "Everyone is saying my grandfather is a bad driver."

We sat in silence as I finished my sandwich. Jewls turned to me, "When is Uncle Sam coming back from Africa?"

I sighed, "I'm not sure sweetie. He's one of the best social workers I know, and with his psych degree, he's helping a lot of people over there right now. But he knows you need him back here, so he'll be back soon." I hoped within the month. Jewls was getting bounced around from my place to Nate's to my grandfather's more often than I liked.

"Mhmm." She thought it over for a few more minutes, "Can I go visit him?"

I shook my head, "I'm not even sure which part of Africa he's in hun. He's not allowed to tell us." He was teaching people how to effectively run a statewide fire department. Even though he quit the department years ago, he would still travel doing training seminars. In certain cases he would also teach people about our social services system for children.

She nodded, "Where should we go first?" I brought her to the memorial towers.

We parked the car and got out. We walked over to the fountain and sat at a bench. We just stared into the water for awhile. "I dated your father before your mother did." It was time I told her the whole story, "It was before my last foster home. I've told you generally what happened to me there, and I will tell you exactly what happened by the end of today, but not right now." I paused and she nodded, "I dated him when I was seventeen. We were each other's first love, and first kiss. His mother let me stay at his place when she realized how horrible my foster home was." I smiled at the memory. "But she was a single mother. His father died when he was little, and his pension wasn't enough."

"What kind of pension?"

I laughed, "Fire-Fighter. He was the reason I joined the department, not my grandfather. Jason was originally going to join, but your mother talked him out of it. She said it was too dangerous. And when she got pregnant with you, he agreed."

"I already know my mom was pregnant with me when they got married."

I sighed, "I never knew if they got married just because she was pregnant. I do know that your father loved your mother though."

She waited a few seconds, "You two never broke up before you left his house did you?"

I shook my head, "No. We promised each other that when I turned eighteen, we would move in together." I had had this conversation with Jamie the other night.

She asked the same question that he did, "Were you saving yourselves for each other?"

"In a way we were. We never talked about it, but we knew that we didn't want to sleep with anybody else. I knew we wouldn't wait until marriage though. I think he was just waiting until I turned 18. He was six months older than me." She waited for me to continue, "It was when I was moved upstate that he started seeing your mother. We were friends before I left too." I shook my head, "They never told me when they started dating, but I was in that foster home, and the hospital after for about eight months. They came to see me about seven months after I left his house. They were engaged."

I could see her doing the math in her head, "That doesn't add up though. I'd be older than I am if I was born around that time."

"Smart girl. She said she had a miscarriage, but he swore she had an abortion." I shrugged my shoulders, "Either way, their marriage was falling apart. But he wanted to make it work, so he gave her a second chance. Then about a year into their freshman year of college, they got pregnant again. He told her that if she had an abortion again he would leave her."

She nodded, "Did she want me?"

I turned to look at her, and hugged her. "Yes. Once she saw you, you were the world to her. She just had to grow up a little."

"Mhmm."

I rubbed her back, "Honey, your mother wasn't healthy. She had some psychological problems that she wouldn't get help for. It didn't mean she didn't love you though."

She looked up at me, "He left you, didn't he?"

I grimaced, "Yes."

"Have you forgiven him for it?"

"I think so. I'd like to hope I have. It's one of the things I worked on when I was getting sober."

"Did I make you get sober?"

I laughed, "You make it sound like getting sober was a bad thing!"

"Sometimes I think, that for you, it might have been. You aren't happy. Well you weren't happy. Even your sponsor knows you were happier when you were drunk. Or on drugs."

I showed her the track marks on my arms, "Getting sober was one of the best things I could do for me, and for you. Besides, I was known to be mean when I was drunk."

She laughed, "Were you drunk that day?"

I sighed, "No. I wasn't drunk on 9/11. But I was hung-over. There is the possibility that I was high too."

She nodded, "Did you go in the buildings?"

I could still see them in flames, "Not at first. My chief knew I was hung-over. He made me wait by the truck, and help people leave the buildings. It wasn't until they were up about twenty flights that I went in. I got as many people out as I could, but then we heard the foundation shake. I got out of the building, and dove under the truck."

She grabbed my arm and held me close. I knew she needed to hear this. A few people had stopped to listen. I could see Jamie walking up. He leaned down and kissed my forehead, "Hey. You ok?"

I nodded and he sat next to me, "Jewls, I hope you never have to hear the sound of steel crumbling like that. Out of all the fires I have been in since, that is the worst sound." I sighed, "They had just reached your dad's floor when the towers collapsed. They put him on the radio. He said that I was a pussy, and unless I got my ass up there to help him, I was no longer invited to your birthday party in a few months."

She laughed, "Really?"

I nodded, "I think he knew what was going to happen. He wanted me to have something happy to tell you when you got old enough." I hugged her again, and Jamie grabbed my hand. "Your parents were good people Jewls. That's all you need to know. Forget about anything else. Just remember they were good people who did their best to love you with all they had."

"Even if my father left you?" She was trying to imagine what her life would be like if I was her biological mom.

"Even if he left me. I'm happy now Jewls. I have you, and to make it even better, I have Jamie now too." I looked at him, and he smiled. The people who watched us had dispersed by now.

She pulled me up, "Come on. Let's go say hello to my parents." She pulled Jamie's hand too, "Can I introduce you to my parents?"

He nodded, "I'd like that. A lot actually."

A/N: So this is way past September 11. I wanted to post this to honor those who died that day, and those who continue to serve in the armed forces, police officers, fire fighters, and the many doctors, nurses, and paramedics that helped that day, and continue to help so many people. Thank you for doing what most of us could not do. You will always be remembered.