A/N: Wohoo! Thirty chapters! YAYYY! Aren't you excited that I updated so soon? Does that earn me another review or five? Please? It's ok if you don't, I just really like them, and they make me want to write more. But I think I finally figured out how I want this to end, so I actually know where I'm going with this story now! Anyway, enjoy!

We walked towards the wall of names. I let Jewls lead the way because she could point out exactly where their names were. I always stopped and read the names along the way, and we didn't have time for that today. She took us the long way, and I paused at every name I knew. When I got to the firefighters names, I stopped. I looked up to see where Jewls and Jamie were, and they had almost gotten to the other side before they noticed I stopped. I ran my hand over every name. It seemed like I could name them by heart, and I probably could. When I got to my original crew's names, I sighed.

Jamie came over and wrapped his arm around my waste, "You ok?"

"My name should be there with them." I curled into him. I needed his comfort.

"No; it shouldn't."

Jewls came up and grabbed my hand, "I'm glad it's not." She squeezed my hand, "You've told me about the foster care system. I would not survive in there. You know as well as I do that my grandparents would not have been able to take me, and still won't be able to."

When I got to Joe's name I stopped. "We never found his body. I was his only family, and I couldn't even stay sober for him."

Jewls never knew what to say when I talked about Joe. But I was surprised when Jamie spoke up, "He sounds like a good man. He would not have wanted for you to change for him."

I nodded, "He told me that I had to get sober for me before I got sober for him."

Jamie nodded, "That's right."

I laughed, "You're so smart for someone who has never been around an alcoholic."

He laughed, "My brother comes close enough."

Jewls laughed at this, "I doubt it. From what Nikki says he's just fine."

His head whipped around to look at her, "What?!"

"Um…I forgot to tell you that Nikki and I are friends…."

"Okay? I guess?"

I shrugged at him, "Don't ask me. I told her she got to tell you that."

He shook his head, "Any other secrets I should know about?"

Jewls and I laughed, "I don't think so."

"Good."

I rubbed my arm. I had taken the sling off after we got out of the car. It was more hinder some than helpful. Jewls looked at it, but didn't say anything. I sighed; I knew we would have to have a conversation about it before the day ended. I stopped and saluted the names, and then we went to Julia's parents. Thankfully we had found most of their bodies so they at least had a headstone too.

"Hi mom, hi dad."

I pulled Jamie back a step. "Shh." He nodded.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited in awhile. I've been learning more about you lately." She pulled her arms around her chest, "I'm not so sure I like it. I love Mom, but I don't know how you could do that to her. What did she do to you in the first place?"

I wanted to help her, but I knew she needed to process this on her own.

"Mom, I've even talked to all of your old friends." Oh, I hadn't known she had done that, "They all say bad things about you after I ask them the truth. Most of them were surprised that you weren't a junkie with the way you acted a few times."

I had not known that either. Jamie looked at me. I just shook my head. I would explain all this to him later.

"Dad, you tried. Everyone says you loved my mom more than my real mom." I had not known that either, "I think she's forgiven you. I'm glad, but I wish she was my real mom." I smiled at that, "I wish I could know what my life would be like if you were still alive. In a way, I'm glad I don't though. I love Mom, and Sam, and even sometimes Katie; even if she is really immature most of the time." I laughed at that. "I like who I am now. I will never understand why you had to die, but I can deal with it now."

I whispered to Jamie, "There used to be nights where she would wake up in tears. I would hold her until she fell asleep again."

He nodded and kissed my cheek, "I wish you two had never had to go through this."

I nodded back. I wish no one had had to go through this.

Jewls continued, "I will always miss you. I want you to know that I am fine here, and to not worry about me. I will see you eventually, but hopefully not too soon. Have fun in heaven until I get there mom and dad. Tell Uncle Joe that Mom misses him."

I smiled at the last part. I think she knew I was listening, but I wasn't sure. She was amazing in every way.

She came back over to us, and I put my arm around her shoulder, "Ready to go?"

She nodded, "I don't need to go to the graves this year. This was enough."

I nodded, "We can always go there a different day if you would like."

"Mhhm. But right now I'm hungry."

Jamie shook his head, "You are two of the weirdest girls I have ever met."

Jewls laughed, "Get used to it."

I could hear him whisper, "I plan on it."

We got into the car. "Jewls, about my shoulder-"

"Don't even ask. I know what you're gonna say."

"I know. I ask it every year, but I have ot make sure that you're ok with me beign a firefighter."

She nodded, "Mom, I know. If I ever want you to stop, or to totally quit the department, I just have to let you know."

I looked over to Jamie, "I have this running deal with Jewls. I can stay in the department, but every year I ask her if she wants me to quit."

"I had her do it one time, just to see if she really would quit it for me. It was two weeks later that I realized she needed the job. I couldn't make her quit."

"But if she ever wants me to, I will." I looked at Jamie, "Julia is the only person I would quit the department for."

He nodded, "I would expect that."

Well, at least we had gotten that conversation over with. "Would you quit for anybody?" Not that I wanted him to, but it was nice to see where we stood.

"I don't think I could. It would be different if I ever wanted a child, but I don't want one now."

I cringed when I heard him say, "now." I hoped that wouldn't lead to problems later on.