Love Calculator

Disclaimer: Just a hundred moments of Toy story, some of them may be cheesy and sweet, some may be about anger and revenge etc...But you'll just have to wait and see. Just so you know I do not own Toy Story.

Hamm was currently engaging in one of his usual daily routines. When Bonnie and her mum, Mrs Anderson, were off at the daycare and Bonnie's dad had left for work, he would usually be Internet surfing for hours on end. That was how he knew so much about anything and everything.

But today, he had just so happened to come across a site that he thought was pretty neat and he just had to show the others.

It was a damn good thing that he had managed to get to the computer before Rex and Trixie did that day, otherwise he wouldn't even know of this site in the slightest.

But before he told the others, he tested it again to make sure it satisfied his expectations. Oh boy, how it did.

Turning around on Bonnie's computer desk, Hamm scanned the room in search for one of Bonnie's toys. It was rather ironic actually that the first toy he saw turned out to be no other than the advanced 'Buzz Lightyear', who was currently pacing aimlessly across a vast stretch of Bonnie's room.

"Hey Buzz. Gather everyone up." Hamm instructed, almost instantly receiving the immediate attention from the extremely bored Space Ranger. "I've got something cool to show you."

"What is it?" Buzz asked, mainly out of curiosity. He knew that some of Hamm's ideas could backfire, but he was so bored he would even take part in one of Mr. Pricklepants' plays right now.

"You'll see in a minute. But it's something everyone will enjoy." Hamm stated, feeling proud of himself for the discovery he had made. "Gather everyone up." Hamm said again, and Buzz obeyed like the dutiful little Space Ranger he was.

Buzz scanned the of the room, wondering where on Earth the others could be, before he then made his way over to Bonnie's bed. Once he had done so, he lifted the bed covers over his head to check under the bed, and squinted to help him see through the darkness underneath.

Nothing.

Groaning, Buzz was about to turn around when he felt a hand on his shoulder. If it was possible, he would have jumped straight out of his suit like a cartoon character who had just been bitten on the butt. He turned around to look at the toy who had given him the terrible fright, expecting it to be Woody trying to prank him again.

"J-Jessie," He managed to stutter, the shock of her abrupt appearance making him speechless. His cheeks began to redden. After a few moments, he straightened and sighed. "Please don't scare me like that again."

For a brief moment he suddenly found himself lost in Jessie's alluring eyes. Her lovely bottle green eyes...

'Snap out of it Buzz!' He mentally yelled at himself, considering whether or not social etiquette supported slapping yourself in the face or specifically prohibited it.

"Shhhh." Jessie hushed, holding a finger to her lips.

"What are you doing under here?" Buzz asked.

"All of the toys are playing hide n' seek." Jessie answered, her words wrapping around Buzz's ears like an extremely warm blanket. He wanted to close his eyes, tuck himself in and drift off into dreamland. Dreaming about Jessie...

He mentally slapped himself this time.

"Well, we need to get all of the toys gathered. Hamm says he got something interesting to show us." Buzz told her, with a voice of high authority.

Jessie cocked her eyebrow. "This isn't like the time he discovered the stock market for the first time, is it?" she asked doubtfully. "I told him that investing in Blockbuster would be a waste!"

Buzz shrugged. "He didn't say."

"Well...sure thing Buzz." Jessie said, not looking forward to the prospect of Hamm telling them all about how the market worked again.

"But how are we supposed to get all of the toys gathered?"

"I've got an idea." Jessie said excitedly, before she ran out from under the bed and into the centre of Bonnie's room. Buzz could only stare at her and admire the way she ran.

When Jessie wasn't looking, he literally slapped himself in the face this time.

"Snap out of it you idiot!" He hissed quietly to himself, before quickly following Jessie.

She then yodelled as loud as she could, receiving the attention of everyone in the room.

"Okay. They're yours now Buzz."

Wow. She really was amazing. Buzz thought as the corners of his lips turned up into a bashful smile.

Another mental slap for the Space Ranger.

"Um...I believe Hamm wants us to gather around the computer?" Buzz began slowly. "So if we can all gather around the computer in an orderly fashion, then things will work out best for the all of us."

Within moments, the toys were all gathered around Bonnie's computer screen.

"What is it?" Rex asked keenly, his eyes wide in a mixture of surprise and delight. He had never seen anything like it.

"It's a love calculator." Hamm answered, a sense of pride in his voice.

"What does it do?" Slinky asked, staring at the screen in awe.

"You type in two people's names and you'll see." Hamm told them briefly. "Here. I'll demonstrate." Hamm began typing away. After he was finished, the toys saw two of their names on the screen.

Woody Pride

Buzz Lightyear

There was a scarlet red love heart pasted between their names. Under their names was a number and a symbol that read: 98%

It didn't take long before the toys were buried deep within a fit of contagious laughter. If it was possible, then Jessie would've had tears in her eyes at that moment. However, the only ones left out of the laughter were Buzz, Woody, and Slinky.

But everyone else understood the joke; even Buzz.

"Hey Woody, I never knew you had, uh, a particular affection for Space Rangers." Hamm said before snorting out of laughter. He composed himself quickly. "But, seriously, I think you two would make a great couple. You two always had an energy to lovers kind of energy, you know? And Bonnie often makes you two a couple so like, no judgement here."

"Ooh, ooh." Rex urged. "I have an idea."

Rex then slowly began to type, moving every time he had to press another key because his arms were too God-damn short!

"Hurry!" Hamm yelled impatiently.

"But look at my little arms." Rex held his arms in the air as if to prove his point. "I can't reach."

He then finished and after a few moments another result appeared on the screen.

'Mr Pricklepants & Jessie Jane = 17%'

Rex could only frown because of the fact the result turned out negative. But Jessie certainly didn't mope over the result.

"Well that's what ya get for typing such a horrible pairing." Jessie said and Mr Pricklepants looked somewhat offended but he didn't let it show as he wanted to stay 'in character' as he called it.

He guessed it just wasn't meant to be...

"I've got one." Buzz said as he took Rex's place by the keyboard and then began to hurriedly enter a pairing on the computer.

Rex & Mrs Potato-head = 89%

"Aww, looks like a critter's in looove." Jessie cooed, grinning at the result and making kissing motions with her lips.

But Mr Potato-head did not find this to be a laughing matter. In fact, he was furious.

Utter anger boiled through Mr Potato-head causing his hands to curl into fists.

"You better keep your hands of my sweet potato." Mr Potato exclaimed, jabbing his index finger into Rex's chest. Rex yelled out and backed up, raising both his arms in a gesture of submissiveness.

"Hey you two, stop it!" Buzz ordered, trying to retain the peace between the toys. "Let's not resort to violence. It was me who typed it in the first place and it was only meant as a harmless joke." Buzz raised both hands in front of him as if to prove that the joke was harmless. However, Mr Potato-head would have none of it as he continued to scowl at the green dinosaur.

But Mr Potato-head still hesitantly stepped away, but not before he shot a death glare at Buzz. Oh boy how he was going to make him pay...

"Fine," Mr Potato-head spat through gritted teeth. If it was possible, the hairs on the back of Rex's neck would have stood up. "I've got one."

His fingers stabbed at the keys like daggers. Within another minute, another result appeared on the screen. A result so horrifying that Buzz wanted to curl up into a fetal position and never be seen again.

Woody Pride & Jessie Jane = 96%

Buzz felt his breath catch in his throat as his lips fell into a frown. He could only stare at the result in a sense of pure horror. His hopes had faded into nothing more than a speck of dust that had been swept away by a thunderstorm, lost to the gushing winds.

His weak spot had been attacked.

Jessie would never be his after all.