***** WARNING – This chapter contains a reference to suicidal thoughts *****

They were all in the room as Steve has brought back in. Chin hadn't seen him as much as the others had and the sight of him was very alarming. His skin was horribly pale, he was sweating profusely and his chest was moving frantically up and down as his heart beat much too rapidly. And the tubes, all the tubes and wires pumping the life-saving fluids into his body…his heart sunk as he realized he had never seen Steve McGarrett this close to death.

They all sat at the bedside sharing stories, hoping that Steve could hear them.
There wasn't any change in his condition over the next six hours but at a little after midnight his blood pressure began to slowly increase.

Before turning in for the night Doctor Gerhart stopped to check on his patient.
After examining him he turned to the 5-0 family and smiled, "He's doing well. The Nurse will be in shortly to start another blood transfusion and she'll remain here throughout the night to monitor him. She'll send for me if there's any change in his condition, otherwise I'll be back in a few hours. His blood pressure is rising and his temperature is still high at 103.7 but it hasn't risen since the surgery. I can still hear the fluid in his lungs but the drainage tube is working and his lungs do not sound worse. These are all good signs. Keep talking to him...… he is responding"

This was good news, and for the first time in two and a half days the three friends truly felt a slight sense of relief.
After Ian left, the men were able to convince Catherine to go to her bunk and sleep for a while.
The two men then talked to Steve through the night. Danny listened intently as Chin told stories about John McGarrett, one of which he had never before heard…...

"I had been on the force for four years when it happened Steve. John had been retired for four months and my rookie partner, Brian Acevedo finally had his feet wet and we were gelling well together as partners. We answered a domestic call one night to a residence that we had been to four times in the last ten days. The husband was an alcoholic and the first three calls had been from neighbors complaining about the noise, and this one seemed to be no different. I was tired that night and very irritated about being called out to the Reynoso home again. The last thing I wanted to deal with that night was a drunken Leon Reynoso. I was bitching about it the whole way to the scene and my impatience led to carelessness and tragedy" Danny watched as his brother lowered his head and continued softly, "I was the senior officer and my carelessness cost my partner his life. As we approached the house, the front window shattered as Reynoso fired at us. Brian was hit by a shotgun blast and as his body was thrown through the air I returned fire. My return fire stopped him momentarily and gave me time to pull Brian behind a bush. As I turned back towards the house I heard one, final shot…Reynoso had killed himself"

Chin sighed deeply and continued, "I held Brian in my arms as he bled to death…..the blast had blown through the side of his neck and there was absolutely nothing I could do for him. I'll never forget the look of sheer terror in his eyes as he gagged and choked on his own blood…I was devastated by his death and I can't even remember the next few days, I was simply going through the motions. His family was so good to me. Even though they has suffered the ultimate loss they were worried about me and how I was doing. Honestly Steve, I think if they had blamed me it might have made things easier because their kindness and understanding made me feel even more guilty. I was put on leave and told I needed to pass a psych test before I could return, but I had no intention of ever returning. I started drinking heavily and that made my depression even worse. Ten days after the shooting your Dad showed up at my door. Nobody had asked him to come… he told me that no one needed to tell him, because he knew what I was going through. He told me that what happened wasn't my fault and that the only thing I was guilty of was being human. He asked me if things had been reversed, that if I had been the one killed would I have wanted Brian to curl up and quit or would I have wanted him to re-double his efforts and become even a better cop? He reminded me why I joined the HPD in the first place and he reminded me of the lives I had saved and changed"

Danny saw the tears falling from Chin's eyes and the next words he spoke shocked him, "Steve…I had told you before that I owed your Dad and the truth is, he saved my life that day. I had decided that very day that I couldn't go on, that life was just too painful. When John arrived at my house I was half-way done with writing my suicide letter. But he opened my eyes to the fact that as hard as we try, sometimes horrible things happen and we don't always have control over them. But more importantly his words allowed me to forgive myself for being human and for having flaws. He had already taught me to be a good cop, but that day he taught me an important life lesson. He showed me that my life and my service were valuable. He had recently lost your Mother, you, and Mary and yet he was telling me that life was always worth living and that we can never give up, not on ourselves or our loved ones. He cared about me and he gave me a reason to live. After he left, I started a campfire on the beach and I sat there watching the sun set. I burned the letter and as a cried for Brian I vowed that I would become a better cop and that I would always strive to honor his memory"

Danny took a deep breath and leaning across Steve's body, he grasped the hand of his dear friend Chin Ho Kelly.
He closed his eyes and thought of his own partner's lost way too soon. Grace….beautiful Grace who he thought of every time he spoke the name that he had bestowed on his beloved daughter. And Mekka...he had only been Mekka's partner for a short time, but he missed that man terribly. Opening his eyes, his gaze connected with Chin's and he smiled as he asked, "Are you okay brother?"

Chin nodded and wiping his eyes he said, "Yeah….. it feels good to talk about it"
"Why haven't you said anything about this before?"
"I don't know….he was my partner and I guess I'll always feel that I let him down"
Danny replied softly, "I can understand that. I feel that way about Grace and Mekka as well. And we both know the burdens Superman here carries. John was right, and I'm damn glad he showed up to see you that day. And by the way, you're one hell of a man and agent, and I promise you that Brian would be proud of you….. I know I am"

Chin grinned, "Thanks brother"
"Does Kono know about this?"
"No…..she was just a teenager when it happened. After John's visit I went to see the psychiatrist the next morning and I was back to work a couple of weeks later. Honestly Danny, thinking back on how close I was to checking out…..it's scary. I fought the depression for quite a while, and the Doctor helped. I now know it wasn't my fault but there are still times that I have to remind myself of that"

"Well if you ever need to talk about anything, my door is always open and my phone is always on" Motioning his head towards their prone leader Danny added, "And I know the same goes for him"
"Same here Danny….I love you guys, I hope you know that"
"We know it…..and we love you too, we're Ohana babe"
Chin grinned and said softly, "Ohana"

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Steve had a very good night and when Doctor Gerhart arrived at a little before six in the morning Danny was sleeping at his bedside while Chin sat visiting with Catherine, who had re-joined them.

Cath woke Danny and they all watched on as Ian examined their friend.
After several minutes he turned to them smiling, "His blood pressure is stable, his heart rate is good and his temperature has dropped to 101.6. He's doing well….very well. There's still fluid on his lungs and we'll keep the drain in, but I think it's time to let him wake. He should come around in a couple of hours. His throat is going to be very sore because of the damage to his trachea so we need to keep him from talking much. If you can let the Nurses know when he starts to come around and they'll find me"

The three friends were all smiles as the Nurses moved in and changed all the tubing and bandaging and then they settled in to wait for Steve to wake.

Two hours later Steve began to stir and as Chin went to notify the Nurses, Catherine and Danny stood on opposite sides of the bed smiling and looking down at him as his eyes slowly fluttered open.

As he started to reach up to remove his oxygen mask, Danny grabbed his hand and said, "Hey, don't talk buddy. You had some bleeding on your trachea and the Doc wants you to 'remain silent'"

Through the mask Steve said "Danno"
Shaking his head in typical Danny Williams fashion he lifted the mask from his partner's face, "What Steven?"
A weak grin crossed the SEAL's face and his voice was hoarse as he said groggily, "You're both smiling"
Danny chuckled as he put the mask back in place, "Yes we are. Now no more talking!"

Doctor Gerhart entered the room and he too, smiled down at his patient...

****** More to follow…..thanks for reading and reviewing! *******