"You might be pregnant that's all.." he blurted out.
"WHAT?" I yelled and he held Buddy, who was trying to get out of his grip, closer as a shield.
"SHH! SHH!" he whispered and jumped further up on the bed with Buddy in his arms. ".. you are going to wake the kids up!"
"OH CRAM IT YOU FERTIL FREAK!" I hissed and he nodded.
"Calm down," he said and tried to keep Buddy in his arms as he squirmed in fear over my anger. But he had no reason to be.. he is not the one I'm mad at..
"Put the cat down Jacob," I growled and placed my hands on my hips. When I started to slowly walk towards him he backed away on the bed. Eventually he reached the edge and fell down on the floor, still with Buddy in his arms.
"W-w-why?" he stuttered and looked a bit confused.
"Put him down," I demanded and pointed to the floor.
"Wh..." he began.
"..because I need to hit something and it needs to be you." I growled and walked closer to him.
"I-I-I don't want to," he said innocentl. I growled louder by his resistance and Buddy flew up in fear. In the process of jumping out of Jacob's death grip he accidentily scratched him. Small drips of blood escaped a small cut on Jacob's arms and it made me even more feral. When Buddy was finally out I slammed the door behind him. I kept walking towards Jacob who now had his hands up.
"Do you remember why I agreed to not forcing you into getingt snipped?" I hissed and Jacob nodded. "..well it seems like you have forgotten!"
"I haven't!" he assured me and pushed his body up against the wall. The cuts on his arms had finally healed up and all that was left was dry blood.
"Then enlighten me why I didn't force you to get snipped!" I challanged him. He took a deep breath and gestured for me to do the same as a way to avoid answering. I flashed my teeth and he gave up.
"Because there is no chance that lightning will strike twice," he quoted himself and seemed a bit emberassed.
"OH RIGHT! Now I remember," I said sarcasticly. "..the truth was that you would feel emasculated if you did it isn't it!"
"Well kinda!" he defended himself and I took one threatening step closer by the confirmation. "..why didn't you get your tubes tied?"
I cocked my head up and stopped walking towards him. He made a grimace as I gasped in anger.
He will regret those words..
"Yeah why didn't I? Because its not like I had just carried two crossbred, over naturally strong children in my uterus!" I exclaimed.
"I didn't mean it like that," he said with a calm voice and held his hands out. "..come on. We don't even know if you are!"
"How could I not be?" I yelled and Jacob flinched. "..I'm tired, hungry and hornier than ever!"
"Well that last part might be because I am freakishly handsome!" he tried to lighten up the mood. But I could hear how nervous he was.
"You are getting snipped and that's final!" I hissed and turned to walk out.
"WHY!" Jacob almost cried out in frustration.
"Why?" I slowly turned to him and his once confident stature changed when I was fully facing him. "..how about because I am tired of fighting of your bionic sperm!"
"While that is a good reason how about.." he began but I just stormed out of the room. As I walked downstairs I heard him sigh heavily and it made me even angrier.
I picked up my cell phone from the living room table and called Carlisle.
"Renesmee? Is everything alright?" he asked softly.
"Oh yeah! Everything is great!" I said sarcasticly. "..get the ultra sound ready. I'm coming over!"
I wanted to slam the phone into a million pieces but kept my calm and put it deep in my back pocket. Jacob stumbled down the stairs and looked extremely nervous.
"What?" I muttered. I couldn't stand to be near him right now!
"You forgot your..." he mumbled innocently and held my shirt out ot me.
"Oh," I mumbled and ripped it out of his hand. I franticly put it on and walked over to get my shoes. "...you stay here and take care of them."
"..but I want to come with you," he pleaded and I cocked my head up in anger. "...or not."
"I think you have a bigger chance of surviving here," I growled and picked up my cell phone. As I opened the door Jacob closed it... "...what?" I hissed and looked at him.
"Please tell me why you are so angry," he pleaded and took my hand. Big risk for him right now but he did it.. "..I thought we wanted a lot of kids. This is a blessing. Please don't do this.."
Wait..
"What exactly do you think I'm going to do Jacob?" I exclaimed. He looked deep into my eyes and took both my hands.
"..keep it. I'm begging you." he whispered. His plead was sweet and gentle while the meaning behind it was shocking. "...this is a blessing."
"You think I don't know that?" I gasped and he looked even more confused. "..you think I don't love this possible child growing inside me?"
"You don't seem to thrilled," he mumbled and I tore my hand out of his. "..just talk to me. It's my child too."
"How dare you?" I whispered and shook my head in disbelief. When he opened his mouth to say something I ignored him and stormed out into the night.
"NESS!" he yelled to get my attention as he ran after me. Even though I didn't want to stop I knew I had to.. Finally when I turned around he was catching up to me. But still only had one shoe on and scratch marks from Buddy on his shirt.
"Stay with them," I demanded and he stopped running towards me when there was only a meter seperating us. Why didn't he get it? I needed to go. He had to stay and take care of them. I don't even have the energy to talk about this right now. "..I don't need you there."
My choice of words could have been better. No matter how dark it was around us I could still see the pain growing inside him.
"What?" he almost whispered. "..you don't need me?"
I could see the hurt my words had caused and regreted them deeply.
"I mean I need to be there. You can't take the tests for me. We can't leave them alone," I mumbled and started to calm down. Not so much calm down as breaking down. I had no energy for this.
He put his hands on his hips and wandered around in small circles, trying to come up with something.
"I will get someone to watch them. You go over while I do that.." he walked up to me and took my hands once again. They were cold and sweaty. "..but please wait for me."
Uh, great! I didn't want to wait. My whole body was crawling in anticipation. How could I ever calm down or deal with it if I didn't know? Every second I spent waiting was just time to think of all the frustration I had inside me. But I knew Jacob would be incredibly hurt if I didn't wait..
"Hurry," I muttered and he almost had a twinge of enthusiasm over my cooperation. "..don't take to long. I won't wait forever."
"I'll go right now," he said almost like a suggestion. As if he was afraid to do so without my approval. I tilted my head towards the house and he smiled. When he didn't move I became impatient.
"..go!" I exclaimed and he ran of.
I turned around right away and kept walking towards the big house. With my arms crossed, and almost tangled in the big jacket I had thrown on, I kicked the pine cones along my way.
How will I do this? I'm not strong enough to go through this again. I was barely strong enough the last time. But I had fought for the kids. Because I loved them, I still do. It's not like I don't WANT this possible baby growing inside me. I have loved every child Jacob and I have birthed and lost. I would die for everyone of them.. but the thought of leaving the ones I have successfully protected is just mind numbingly painful.
What kind of mother are you? my inner voice echoed.
A good one, I tried to tell myself. I haven't even thought about getting rid of it until Jacob shared his fears of what I might do. Never in a million years would I do so.. but now it was all that was on my mind.
I have options. But I don't have the heart to explore them.
I put my hands on my stomach and tried to feel something. A sign. Something to help me decide. A light push or flutter that can make me feel secure. To know what I might have to fight for.
I can't come there unprepared.
When I looked up I saw I had finally arrived at the big house. Carlisle stood at the steps with his hand out to me and a loving smile.
"Renesmee," he said softly and it was like my heart dropped in place. Just hearing the loving voice of my grandfather made me remember the love for my family. Who wouldn't want to add on to it?
"Thank you," I mumbled and took his hand. He lightly helped me up the steps by lifting some of the weight of me. "..is everything ready?"
"Everything is ready to go," he assured me and put his hand on my back. He began to move us towards the door but I hesitated. "..something wrong?"
Something? How about everything!
"Just nervous," I plastered a smile on my lips and moved along with him. We walked through the softly lit up hallways and my big untied boots clicked on the floor. They added such power to the sound of my heart beating in my chest.
"Are you sure you are okay?" he asked me again and I took a deep breath. He must have heard the drastic change in my heartbeat.
"No," I admitted in a nonchalant way. "..I just want answers."
He pushed the door open with one hand and gestured for me to go inside. My eyes scanned the room quickly. Carlisle's wall of books was neatly covering one of the big walls to the left, he had brought the same old desk that I had grown up with and a couch with a coffee table gave the room a cozy feeling with the plants and other decorations. It was just as dimly lit in here as in the hallways. But a harsh light shined down on the table I was to sit on. It gave the table a chilling feeling. It scared me.
"I will do my best," he smiled gently and I walked past him. Now that I was finally inside the room I had taken the first step. Literally.
The room had a calming yet intimidating smell. Like every hospital has. Steril and clean. No sign of a comforting or familiar smells. But at least to the right of me a wall was covered in pictures. It was all of the family. Both my side and Jacob's.
Carlisle gave me a light tap on the shoulder and held his hand out towards the table. I nodded and walked up to it.
"Do you want some time alone?" he asked as I turned to him.
"No," I blurted out in panic and grabbed his arm. I couldn't stand being alone with my thoughts. They could easily fill up this big room.
"Then I will stay," he gave me a pat on the hand that was grabbing his coat and smiled. "Should we get you up on the table?"
"Yeah," I mumbled and shook the fear off. He easily helped me up and I relaxed as he stroked my hair. "..wait! I promised Jacob I would wait for him."
"You are just sitting on the table," he smiled at my irrational freak out and I blushed.
I nodded to him and he sat down on the low chair beside me. Even though he didn't know what I was thinking I felt like he was judging me. He was such a saint in my eyes. How could he not? My thoughts were not right.
"So is there anything you want to talk about before we get started?" he asked with concern.
"Like what?" I asked innocently and didn't meet his look. Like I haven't had any thought what so ever about this. I kept my hands on my stomach to at any moment feel a sign of life.
"You seemed upset on the phone. And well.. now," he chuckled to ease up the mood and I took a deep breath. "..any fears, questions, troubles?"
Could I tell him? I didn't even understand myself. My thoughts were all over the place.
"You would think I was an awful mother," I mumbled and rubbed my stomach to have an excuse to look away from him.
"No one who knows you would ever think such an awful thing," he assured me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Anyone who sees you with those kids, know you love them."
Just do it Renesmee.
"I'm scared I won't make it this time," I mumbled in embarassment.
"That's only natural after what happened with Anthony and Sarah," he said and made me look at him. "..is that all?"
Is that all? I think the fear of dying and leaving your family is a pretty good reason.
"Yeah."
"Don't worry about that," he mumbled and leaned down to me. "..no one would ever let you leave."
"This can't end well Carlisle," I muttered in pain. "..my body still dosen't feel right. There is damage still. I can feel it." I looked down at my stomach and let my hands hover over it. "..THIS.." I shook my head in search for words and utter frustration. "..will be to much."
I let my hands lightly fall down on the tummy and once again, waited for a sign.
"There are option," he began.
"No.." I interrupted him. "..there are no options. I would never."
"We don't even know if you are," he comforted me. "..let's wait before we say our good byes."
I ignored his suggestion.
"If I die," I hissed and held back tears. "..someone has to change me."
"If that's what you want," he assured me and still seemed confused over my frustration. I waited for it to click but it never did.
"I can't leave the kids.." I muttered and swallowed a lump of tears down. "..but I can live without Jacob."
Carlisle was stunned by what I said. Which wasn't even true. But in comparison, living without Jacob seemed like a walk in the park compared to living without the kids.
"I'M HERE!" we heard Jacob yell from downstairs. Carlisle gave me a look of compassion and he stormed into the room. "..I'm not to late am I?" he asked when he saw me on the table.
I shook my head and pushed out a smile. "..just in time."
"OH! Great," he smiled and walked up to me. "..I woke Seth up. He ran right over and is keeping an eye on them right now."
"You did good," I smiled and pulled him down for a kiss. He meet my lips with his in surprise and nervously chuckled when he pulled away. Carlisle acted as if we weren't in the room as he put on the machine.
"Should we get started?" he asked and I pulled up my shirt.
Jacob sat down on my other side and held my hand. Carlisle placed the cold gel on my stomach and I felt a light pain when I flinched.
"Ah," I whispered and looked down at my stomach.
There is your sign, my inner voice said, smug.
Both Carlisle and Jacob looked at me with concerned eyes. I can't tell them. It might just be stress related pain.
"Just cold," I lied and laid back down. Carlisle knew it was something more. I saw it in his eyes like he saw it in mine. I shook my head to him and he went on with the process.
If you are one of the people who want them to have more kids here is your chance! Please vote on what you think should happen and the answer will come next week.
A/N : This might seem a bit cold of Renesmee but as you might have noticed, the chapter starts with a big bomb of anger and through it you will learn why she is frustrated. I hope I achieved that anyway.
But the thing is here you can decide if its just a big mistake or only the beginning. Leave suggestions and thoughts of what you think.
Here are MY thoughts and ideas on what might happen (+ and added on events around it) :
They will lose the child. (+ early or late stage )
This pregnancy will be easier and somewhat normal. (+ maybe they can finally enjoy the amazing process of having a child )
This pregnancy will be harder and tare more on her already damaged body. (+ she will fight with loving the child. The fact that it can kill her dosen't matter. She isn't afraid of dying, but the fear of dying and leaving her children is the fear, which causes her to fight with loving the child )
MIX AND MATCH THE OUTCOME AS YOU WANT
Kids over all :
When I began the story I had in mind that they should have children right away, but I also realized; that would be a really short story. So I waited.. and waited.. and waited a little bit more. But ever since chapter 5, Renesmee has always had the twins in hope. Why twins? Do you remember when you read (if you have) Eclipse? I loved the part where Jacob and Bella kissed. Because she gave us a brief view of how the story would be if she choose him. (Really mad that they didn't put her vision in the movie) She explained how she saw staying in La Push and 'the big red wolf she loved so highly', the years changing her.. and two little blackhaired kids running away from her into the familiar forest.
I would just like to say that I have personally never really been Team Edward or Jacob. She had two great guys and couldn't go wrong with either one of them. But I am happy with how Stephanie wrote the story. And I know that in no way could Bella have ever imagined having Renesmee and Jacob imprinting. But I think that somehow that part was deep deep inside her. I don't know how to explain how I imagine it.. LOL. Like Renesmee got the essence of Bellas love for him.
But because of that part of the book I choose to have twins. Even though Renesmee, just like her mother, imagined a (two) baby boy(s).
Why I think they shouldn't have a child :
I just think that the twins are the right amount. The twins are the best of both worlds. It's a mix of everything they can have. And then it comes to the future.. one more child would be hard to fit into everything haha. I just love the strong bond that will grow even more between them. They are just two pieces of a great mix from their parents.
Plus they would never be Wolf boy and Vampire girl.. LOL!
Why I think they should have a child :
Here's the deal.. babies are always cute. And especially a Cullen kid. If they have a child I think it should be a boy. Since Jacob never had a brother I think it would be kinda fun. Plus it would be cute for them to have a little sibling.
UPDATE ON EVERYTHING :
(and some answers to frequently asked questions)
So the kids are now around one year. Their birthday is approaching and so is Paul and Rachel's wedding. Sam and Emily's child will be born in a couple of months too.
The family lives in an area around Dartmouth. (I don't mean blocks or something. A town around there) It's a very private and open area. All the couples have their own houses (Bella and Edward has a cottage again. YAY!) But as always there is a big house. But they still live in the area where the fight happened.
Sarah is a little bit bigger than Anthony since she has more vampire traits. She will eventually grow more and more (than him.) and end up being more in the size and mental state as Daniella.
And soon the story will be round up..
So the biggest question (like I haven't written so much already) now is.. Do you want more?
My plan was to roundi t up earlier but I finally found a good way to end it. It will be after the wedding, birthdays and Sam and Emily's childs birth.
So please please please.. help me with all of this ^
Leave a review/comment here or on Instagram (mysideff) or send a private message.
Lots of love, my side.