Tatooine: Treadwell was lying flat on his back with its wheels spinning feverishly in a vain attempt to get back up. As it lay there, two shadows fell over it and the robot did its best to look at the two new arrivals.
"My hero," said Zoda sarcastically. Neva Kee just slapped his forehead in defeat.
"Just help him get up," said Neva wanting to avoid a headache. Zoda cross his arms.
"No," said Zoda shaking his head. "I think he's more useful to us this way."
"Pick him up now!" shouted Neva irate. Zoda gave an evil smile as Treadwell was lifted by an invisible force and then went cart-wheeling into the stratosphere like a toothpick flicked into the wind.
"That was just rude," said Neva. Zoda waved him off.
"I'll stop him from hitting the ground when he eventually comes back down," the Jedi responded nonchalantly. Neva Kee shook his head before turning towards the homestead.
"Here is our lovely home," said Neva Kee waving to the various vaporators. "Sixteen vaporators are scattered throughout the grounds that collect vapor from the sky and condense it into liquid form that is then pumped to an underground tank that we can then use to grow the food that we need and help to hydrate ourselves. Then whatever's left over, food or water, we can then sell on the market."
"Well that's just stupid," said Zoda. "Why bother collecting this stuff a little bit at a time and selling it for pennies at a time when we can get a ton of water all at once and make jillions and then leave immediately."
"And how do you propose we do that?" asked Neva Kee already knowing he wasn't going to like the suggestion.
"We don't go up," said Zoda pointing to the sky and then to his feet. "We go down."
Neva thought about that for a few moments. "You want to mine for water?"
"Yeah," said Zoda with a big grin on his face.
"No," said Neva Kee immediately.
"What do you mean no?" demanded Zoda.
"It's not cost efficient," answered the diplomat. "Even if there was water down there, and there's no proof there is, it would be buried very deep underground. To get down there and somehow get it to the surface would require a lot of equipment and a lot of time. If you were to pull it off, we would likely be here longer than if we had just used the vaporators. So no, it's not worth it."
Zoda growled lightly at him before calming down. "I will pull it off before we leave."
Neva shrugged. "It's your funeral."
"So what's that?" asked Zoda looking at a gigantic vaporator that was easily twice as huge as the other vaporators.
"Ah," said Neva Kee with a smile. "That's Old Faithful as I like to call her. She's an older vaporator back before the parts for them were miniaturized in the smaller vaporators we have today. She could pull quite a lot of water from the sky back in her day."
"So it doesn't work?" asked Zoda bluntly. Neva Kee shook his head.
"No, they stopped making parts for her kind a long time ago. But I like to keep her standing for sentimental value," said Neva looking up at the towering vaporator. Zoda did some number crunching in his head as he did some rough measurements of the thing. He then reached some conclusion in his head and smiled in response.
"What's that smile for?" said Neva suspiciously.
"Nothing," said Zoda smiling even greater. Neva Kee looked at him harshly.
"If you even think about taking that thing apart for parts to build some ridiculous contraption you can forget it," he said. Zoda looked at him, feigning hurt feelings.
"Neva," the Jedi said holding his hand to his head as if in distress. "I'm so hurt that you would think I would touch something so precious to your heart. …Ha, ha!"
"Ugh," said Neva Kee hanging his head in shame. "You're hopeless."
"What else is new," said Zoda shrugging before something caught his eye. "Um, what's that?"
"That'd be a thumper," said Neva looking at the black device sticking out of the ground designed to attract sandworms. "But you know that."
"No, that!" said Zoda pointing to the sky. A fireball was racing through the sky straight at them.
"I don't…," began Neva Kee when a scorching hot Treadwell emerged from the fireball.
"Aaahhhh!!!" shouted Neva Kee and Zoda as Neva raced off and Treadwell plowed right into Zoda throwing sand everywhere creating an artificial mushroom cloud. Finally the sand settled and Neva found Treadwell collapsed over the Jedi Knight.
"Get it off!" shouted Zoda as Neva laughed.
The Trial: "Well, so ended our first day on the farm," said Neva Kee.
"Well not exactly," said Zoda with a grin.
Moisture Farm: "Goodnight Zoda!" shouted Neva Kee as he turned off the lights in his room and covered himself with his sheets in his bed.
"Night, Neva!" came Zoda's voice. Neva Kee settled in and soon was snoozing away when suddenly…
VRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!
CRASH
…The Sorosuub Speeder plowed through Neva's wall and into his room. Neva immediately sat up and saw Zoda coughing as he groggily sat up from the driver's seat.
"ZODA!" shouted Neva Kee.
"Aah!" shouted Zoda as he ran out of the room with Neva in hot pursuit.
The Trial: "That's not relevant to this trial!" shouted Neva Kee.
"It seemed relevant to me," said Zoda shrugging.
"Anyway," said Neva Kee and trailed off at that. "Well I guess it's your question councilor."
"Oh no," said IG-24 holding up his hands in defense. "I'm going to let you dig your own hole by yourselves. If I have a question, you'll know."
"Alright," said Neva Kee amicably.
Moisture Farm: Neva Kee and Zoda walked out to one of the moisture vaporators.
"The key to any profitable moisture farm is to have vaporators that work properly," explained the diplomat. Zoda rolled his eyes extremely bored but said nothing.
"This is your standard scanner, specifically modified to scan, detect, and solve vaporator problems," said Neva holding up the device. "So let's take a look shall we?"
Neva Kee scanned the vaporator pointing out all the individual parts and how to tell if they were working or not as Zoda's eyes drooped lower and lower.
"Well that's interesting," said Neva Kee as his scanner beeped and Zoda came to attention. "We seem to have some exterior blockage on one of the supercooled cylinders."
He reached up and removed a panel on the vaporator and a brief wave of mist emanated as Zoda shoved Neva out of the way and savored it while it lasted.
"Ah, nice and cool," he said grateful to have some relief from the heat. Zoda then moved in to suck on one of the rods for moisture.
"You stop that!" shouted Neva Kee pushing him away. "You'll contaminate the water supply and get your tongue stuck on there both of which I don't want to have to deal with right now."
Zoda stuck out his tongue at him as Neva Kee fished in the vaporator for something and pulled out what was blocking the moisture.
"Ooh, mushrooms!" said Zoda yanking them off of Neva Kee's hands.
"Careful," warned the diplomat producing his scanner. "They might be…"
Zoda crammed them into his mouth and instantly his irises enlarged and he collapsed in a fit of spasms.
"…Hallucinogenic," said Neva Kee slapping his scanner closed in annoyance.
"The colors Neva, the colors!" shouted Zoda as he clearly saw things that weren't there. The diplomat just shook his head and walked off leaving the Jedi alone with his 'thoughts'.
Later: Neva Kee was sampling some soup when Zoda walked in.
"You should've had some, they were great," said Zoda with a big grin. "The farther down the rod they were, the better the hallucinations."
"You had more?" said Neva Kee surprised.
"Well I had to see what those shrooms were made of," said Zoda hopping up onto the counter.
"So how'd they rank?" asked the diplomat pouring himself some soup.
"Above that stuff we found on Angor Prime but below the stuff on Cato Nemoidia," answered Zoda.
"Well I'm sure you were disappointed then," said Neva Kee taking his bowl into the dining area.
"Yeah a little bit," Zoda admitted bring a bowl of soup too. "But they have potential. Some cultivating, a little putting into the water, and we'll be raking in the dough like no time."
"We're not spiking the water," said Neva Kee cutting off that line of thought.
"Why not?" said Zoda. "We need every advantage we can get on this planet and spiking the water is what I'm sure the other farmers do."
"That may be true, but do I really need to remind you about the 'tomacco' incident?" asked Neva Kee pointedly.
"You introduce one cash crop and suddenly everybody wants you dead," said Zoda frustrated. "Some people just can't handle free enterprise."
"Yes, that's exactly why they wanted us dead," said Neva Kee dryly. "Oy Pah Nagoya!"
"So when do we make some money?" asked Zoda excitedly as he rubbed his hands together before taking some soup.
"In a month," answered Neva Kee as soup was spewed all over him.
"A month?!?!" shouted Zoda. "I want to leave now!"
"We've only been here a day!" shouted Neva Kee. "It takes time to grow crops."
"This sucks!" shouted Zoda.
"You already said that!" responded Neva. Treadwell rolled past the entryway of the dining hall and came to a stop at the head of the table.
"Let's sell Treadwell!" said Zoda ecstatically. Treadwell backed up shocked and then revved its motor upset.
"We're not selling Treadwell," responded Neva. "Because I do not own him. Treadwell is a hired hand."
"Neva you're getting scammed," responded Zoda.
"Probably," responded the diplomat. "But if you must know, we will hire ourselves for odd jobs that…suit your unique talents."
"Alright!" said Zoda excited. Neva Kee just shook his head knowing he'd regret this later, but he was a diplomat first and foremost and farming alone would never get them off of this planet anytime soon.
"And conveniently here's our first case," said Neva Kee pulling out a dossier.
"When did you get that?" asked Zoda confused.
"When you decided to leap off of Old Faithful thinking you could fly," answered Neva shaking his head in shame.
"Hmmm, don't remember that hallucination but oh well," said Zoda shrugging. "So what've we got? It'd better not be a bodyguard mission."
"Oh don't worry," Neva Kee assured him. "I learned my lesson with that princess and I don't intend to repeat.
"Ha, ha she sure was attached to you," laughed Zoda. "Anyway, spill."
"DOA," said Neva Kee looking through his files.
"Um, Neva I'm usually the one making them DOA, not picking them up after they already are," commented Zoda.
"They've just got their acronyms wrong, it means 'Discuss on Arrival' I guess," said Neva Kee confused.
"Or else they want us DOA," Zoda suggested.
"Yeah it's possible," said Neva Kee getting up. "Let's find out shall we?"
"Rock on," said Zoda with an evil grin as he cracked his knuckles. "Clean up the place and don't burn it down while we're gone Treadwell."
The two left leaving Treadwell alone with the dishes on the table and having no arms, he revved his motors in anger.
Jabba's Palace: "Well this has to be a joke," said Neva Kee looking again at the address on the dossier they had received.
"Maybe Jabba just wants to give us a warm welcome to the neighborhood," suggested Zoda lightly. Neva knocked on the door and the gatekeeper droid jumped out of its socket on the door.
"De chuuta hhat yudd?" the droid questioned. Before Neva Kee could respond, Zoda's lightsaber ignited and he chopped the droid in half.
"You know it's what Jabba would've expected," answered the Jedi in his defense. As if in response to that, the massive door groaned open allowing them entrance.
"Curiouser and curiouser," commented Neva Kee as the two walked in and the door shut behind them.
"Who gave you this dossier?" Zoda inquired.
"Messenger droid," answered the diplomat. "Came streaking through the sky, knocked you off your perch, and hit the ground right in front of me."
"Well if Jabba sent it, shouldn't it have exploded shortly after?" asked Zoda.
"It did explode," answered the diplomat. "Right after you hugged it and took it for a ride like it was an airboard."
"Don't remember that either," commented Zoda. "Man those mushrooms have a better memory suppressor than I thought. That's a product feature if I ever heard one."
Before the two could continue a pair of Gamorrean Guards blocked their path as a Twi'lek appeared.
"Die wanna wanga?" it asked. Zoda reached for his lightsaber again when Neva Kee hit him hard on the shoulder causing him to relent.
"Neva Kee and Zoda," said the diplomat. He held up the invite and the Twi'lek looked it over.
"Does this guy have a name?" Zoda whispered to Neva.
"Guess not," responded Neva Kee. "Such is the curse of the bit player."
The Twi'lek motioned for them to follow them and the two followed in stunned silence.
"Things must be bad if Jabba isn't using the Gamorreans on us," said Zoda.
"This should be a fun encounter," Neva Kee agreed. The two walked down several darkened hallways before emerging into the audience chamber to find it completely deserted aside from the infamous Hutt himself and his guards.
"Gee Jabba you loose some weight?" asked Zoda laughing. The Hutt grumbled something but otherwise said nothing.
"And what happened here, you have a rave that went horribly wrong for the guests but horribly right for the Rancor?" asked Neva Kee slightly chuckling. Jabba became steamed at this.
"I would expect such talk out of him," said Jabba in Huttese pointing to Zoda. "But not from you diplomat."
"Jabba let's be clear you don't like us and we don't like you," responded Neva Kee exasperated. "So let's just get this over with; what the hell do you want?"
"I want my sail barge back!" shouted Jabba furious. Neva Kee and Zoda blinked at that.
"What?" they said bewildered.
"I was traveling back from Mos Eisley in my sail barge when it broke down and I went on ahead to my Palace and when my lackeys went back to retrieve my barge, it was gone," responded the Hutt. "I want it back."
"Jabba we're a diplomat and a Jedi Knight, not AAA!" shouted Neva Kee.
"You get my barge back or else!" shouted Jabba.
"Well at the risk of sounding clichéd; or else what?" asked Zoda. An image popped up of their moisture farm with Jabba's goons all over it.
"Or I destroy your farm and your droid," Jabba threatened. Treadwell was seen racing away from several bounty hunters.
"Hell I'll do it if you destroy Treadwell," said Zoda offhand before Neva Kee smacked him hard on the shoulder. "But not the farm, though. That's my only way off this rock and if it gets destroyed then I'll be angry and you won't like me when I'm angry!"
"I don't even like you now!" said Jabba. "Now go find my barge!"
Outside: The door opened long enough for Neva Kee and Zoda to be chucked outside before it closed again.
"Jerks," said Zoda getting up. He and Neva got back into their landspeeder and took off back the way they had come.
"Well this sucks too," said the Jedi after a few moments of driving. Neva just rolled his eyes.
"I'm just surprised that Jabba is even willing to let us even look at his new sail barge after you drove the last one into the Sarlacc," commented the diplomat.
"I said I might be able drive it, I never said I could drive stick," responded the Jedi crossing his arms.
"Plus I wonder why he wants it back so badly to send us after it," Neva Kee probed further.
"Must not be insured," responded Grand Master Z.
"Or maybe it is...," commented Captain N, deep in thought. "Anyway, let's just go and find it."
"Agreed," said Zoda as he drummed his fingers on the dash.
Mos Eisley: "Look hover tracks!" said Zoda pointing to a sand dune. There was nothing there, repulsorlifts don't leave tracks.
"Brilliant deduction Holmes!" said Neva Kee heavy with sarcasm.
"I'm the best there ever was, the best there ever will be!" shouted Zoda triumphantly as he did a victory dance.
"How the hell do you loose a sail barge?" demanded Neva Kee of nobody in particular.
"Well somehow he did so let's go find it," said Zoda producing a pair of golf clubs and some golf balls.
"What're you planning on doing with those?" asked Neva Kee confused.
"Relieve some stress," answered the Jedi. He produced a tee and whacked one off into the distance before it crashed into an invisible object. A moment later that object revealed itself as the sail barge.
"Terrific," said Neva Kee nonplussed as the two advanced towards it.
"Well I feel my stress relieved already," said Zoda with a big grin on his face.
"Jabba you idiot," said Neva Kee as the two began climbing up the side of the barge towards the deck up top.
"Well Neva," said Zoda hopping to the deck. "A job well done."
"No, it's not over yet we have to get this thing to Jabba," said Neva Kee. "And that's where the fun begins."
Trial: "And what fun it was," said Neva Kee shaking his head. "What fun it was. Because Jabba did want the insurance money on that barge, one way or another."