A/N: Where or if this occurs in relation to Galactic Golfing Chronicles is beyond me. But neither golfing nor this story take place with the Wrath of Zoda duology seeing as those were deliberately AU and these are more or less in continuity with the films.
Mos Eisley: Civilians ran into terror as Jabba's sail barge came crashing through a roadway that was much too small for its size.
"Zoda!" shouted Neva Kee from the front of the barge. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Driving," said Zoda offhand as he steered the barge from the back down another small street, scraping buildings on both sides and plowing up speeders and everything else unlucky enough to get in the way of the thing's gigantic bow. Behind them, small fires raged and the few hydrants that actually existed where sending water into the sky as buildings crumbled to the ground.
"You realize they'll have your head for this," Neva Kee commented. Zoda shrugged.
"It's not my barge," he said. "Jabba should've known better than to let us find it for him, he deserves whatever he gets."
"Yeah about that," began Neva as the barge ran through a building being constructed and escaped into the open desert as laser blasts tore up the air behind them. The barge continued on its course towards the Dune Sea as Zoda put the thing on autopilot and headed up to the front of the gigantic flying bathtub.
"About what?" asked Zoda nonchalantly as he popped in a stick of gum and began chewing on it.
"I've got a hunch that Jabba didn't loose his guests any more than he 'lost' this barge," commented the diplomat bitterly.
"Obviously," said Zoda blowing a raspberry. "Why do you think I drove this barge through the city? If he's getting the barge back, it ain't gonna be intact."
"But that's the point," Neva pointed out. "We have to bring it back intact. Jabba's likely insured this thing and if it gets destroyed while we're driving it, the insurance company will make him rich at our expense."
Zoda thought about that and slumped his head onto the railing defeated.
"This…," he began.
"Sucks, I know. Better make sure all the guns are working," said Neva Kee heading off. "We're about to re-enact The Road Warrior sooner or later."
"Terrific," said Zoda before he brightened up that and began rubbing hands together. "Excellent."
Trial: "Oh I can see where this is going," said IG-24 knowingly and not liking it one bit.
"Why isn't Jabba here?" asked Zoda confused. "If anybody would want us to fry, it'd be him."
"When the process server we sent to give him a summons arrived, Jabba fed him to the rancor," explained the Judge.
"Oh," said Zoda deep in thought at that. "We're not going to have to pay for him are we? Those droids can get pricey."
"After that stunt you pulled on Balmorra?" said IG-24 incredulously. "Forget it!"
Zoda began laughing at that. "Oh man, I forgot about that. Process server parts went everywhere!"
"Oh, don't remind me," said Neva Kee as he held his head in his hands as if trying to forget some bad memory.
"Can we just get back to the story at hand," asked the Judge. The Balmorra incident had nearly caused the entire judicial system to fall apart when the supply of robotic process servers had come to a dead halt when their primary production facility mysteriously exploded and he didn't want to remember those days either.
"Okay," said Neva Kee. "Where were we…?"
Jabba's Palace: "You understand what is required of you?" demanded the Hutt. The various scum of Tatooine nodded their heads. They were in the middle of Jabba's dais chamber that was now teeming with guests.
"And if any of this is tied to me, you'd be better off throwing yourself down the nearest black hole than deal with me," said Jabba with a menacing glance. The mercenaries nodded nervously and quickly filed out the door. Jabba steepled his hands in front of his face deep in thought before turning to his Twi'lek assistant.
"Summon my ship," he ordered.
Dune Sea: The sail barge continued moving across the desert as Zoda was down below working on the engines.
"You realize that what you're doing will in all likelihood lead to disaster," Neva Kee pointed out, watching him work.
"Probably," Zoda admitted. "But if I don't it'll likely be the same possibility."
"True," Neva agreed as a device he had in his pocket beeped that he retrieved and looked at. "Incoming."
Zoda looked at what he had done before making one final adjustment with a hydrospanner and getting up.
"Let's roll Gyrocaptain," said Zoda heading for the stairs to the main deck.
"Right with you Max," responded the diplomat as he followed suit. The two emerged onto the deck and saw dozens of mercenary hovervehicles covering the desert on a parallel course to them.
"In the future…," began Zoda before Neva Kee held up a hand to silence him.
"Just shut up right now," he warned. "Do you want us to get sued? Free and fair usage can only go so far you know."
"citieswillbecomedeserts,roadswillbecomebattlefields,andthehopeofmankindwillappearasastranger," said Zoda quickly before displaying a huge grin.
"Hello lawsuit," said Neva Kee rolling his eyes.
"Man, forget that stupid thing," said Zoda as he ignited his lightsabers. "Let's rock!"
Laser blasts tore up the air around them as he said that and both dropped to the deck.
"Now what?" said Neva Kee as he covered his head from the sparks raining down on them from blasts hitting the sails above them. Zoda did some number crunching in his head.
"Vaya Con Dios!" he concluded standing up. Neva Kee got up as well.
"Oh no you don't, you get back here!" shouted the diplomat not wanting to be left alone on a barge that would soon be swarming full of mercenaries. But Zoda was gone as with a burst of speed he leapt off the railing and went hurtling off before landing on a Chariot LAV. As he stood on the roof, the doors to the Chariot opened and the riders were thrown out by an invisible force before the doors closed again. The giant hovercraft then became nothing more than a simple hoverboard to the Jedi Knight, as Zoda continued to ride the thing on the roof and drove it up a rock and performed a corkscrew maneuver in the air before he came crashing back down to the ground.
"Yee-haw!" said Zoda triumphantly as used the shifting of his weight to determine which direction the craft moved as it zoomed along next to the sail barge before slamming into nearby swoops throwing the riders from their perch before he went slaloming in front of the sail barge.
"Zoda you-!" began Neva Kee from the front when laser fire caused him to abandon that rant. The diplomat ran to a laser cannon located on the outer railing and aimed at a nearby XP-27 before firing. But nothing happened.
"Terrific," he grumbled as he checked the charge and found it to be dead along with every other gun on the deck.
"What now Enkidu?" asked Zoda over their headsets.
"Blasters are dead," said the Xamster as he flipped on the charging devices on each of them.
"Figures," said Zoda rolling his eyes before he leaned heavily to the left and the front end of the LAV dipped down as the engines died and the barge blasted past it along with several mercenaries on their vehicles before the Jedi leaned back to the right and the vehicle started up again as more lasers tore up the air, some of which the Jedi deflected by igniting his two dueling sabers.
"I'm going to try the rear deck cannon," said the diplomat as he hurried to the back while the nearest mercenary craft pulled up alongside the barge and their occupants began climbing up the sides of the craft.
"Better hurry, you've got company coming," observed the Jedi.
"Terrific," said Neva as he brought the cannon to bear on the mercenaries at the rear. "Fire one!"
The cannon fired, but the blast went flying out at Zoda. Acting quickly the Jedi hunched down and then stood straight back up as the hovercraft hopped with him and avoided the blast that blew out a large chunk of sand and rock into the air behind him.
"Neva what the hell are you doing?" demanded Zoda as he leaned hard forward and the craft jerked off to the right and smashed into a V-35, flipping it onto its side as Zoda then ducked and weaved to avoid various blaster shots.
"Sorry, the sight is off!" complained the diplomat before noticing mercenaries arriving on the deck. "Oops, duty calls!"
"Good luck," said Zoda unconvinced as a certain speeder caught his eye. Leaning hard to his right, the front end of the craft leapt upwards in an equivalent of a wheelie as it rushed forward in a burst of speed.
Up ahead, Slick Clyde, human, of the mercenary group The Coyotes was directing the action of his fellow actors.
"Alright, units 7 and 8 will begin to focus your attacks on the engine compartment," said Slick to his aide, Toadie, a creature of unknown origin.
"Yes sir," said Toadie as his long tongue briefly came out before going back in as he wrote down the notes onto his piece of flimsiplast before his eyes fell on something just beyond his master's view.
"Sir?" said Toadie. Slick looked at him confused.
"Yes, what is it?" he demanded, a bit busy at the moment.
"Someone to see you sir," said Toadie before he seemed to almost become smaller as if from fear. Slick looked at him oddly before turning around to see Zoda standing there next to him on top of the Chariot LAV.
"Why howdy there Slick," said Zoda in a rough imitation of an earthly western drawl.
"Hello Zoda," Slick grumbled, already beginning to feel a headache coming on.
"Whatcha up to?" asked Zoda innocently before the LAV briefly moved away from him, crashing into yet another Swoop, throwing the rider from it.
"The usual, you?" asked Slick picking up his binoculars and looking through them at the laser fire crossing the deck of the sail barge as a little blue blur was seen moving around the top.
"The usual," Slick confirmed. "Though I will admit to not realizing it was you two who were piloting that thing."
Zoda nodded. "Jabba never was one for the details."
"So how about returning my LAV?" asked Slick. Zoda thought about this.
"How about giving up your attempts to destroy the barge?" the Jedi shot back.
"You know I can't do that," said Slick shaking his head. "But…you could always join us."
"Ain't gonna happen," said Zoda shooting him down. Slick nodded amicably before yanking out a gun and aiming it directly as Zoda's head.
"Fare thee well," said Slick before immediately squeezing down on the trigger.
Several miles ahead of them: A convoy of hovercraft moved slowly across the desert consisting of numerous heavily armored escort vehicles and one limo hovercar.
"So as you can see Mr. Supreme Chancellor, Tatooine has become much more peaceful than during your predecessor's visit," said the Galactic Republic's official watchman of Tatooine, Kandor Ito, an Aqualish. Though Tatooine had never been an official member of the Republic, there had been sufficient demand over the years to bring it into the fold and create a provisional ruling council by both those who had been raised on Tatooine and had gone on to greater fame and fortune and those who just wanted the crime emanating from that world to stop. But regulations has to be followed and so the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, one human male Kantoris Idis, was there to determine if Tatooine met those qualifications or not. So far the tour had not undergone any major snags, though Kantoris was fully aware that Kandor was likely the reason for that as he wouldn't want anything to happen that would force him to stay on Tatooine any longer than necessary and so they had only seen the 'good' parts of Tatooine.
"Ooh daddy, fireworks!" said his young daughter Aeryl facing the back of the seat and looking out the rear window. Kantoris didn't even bother turning to face her.
"That's just a mirage sweetie," he said reassuring her. But what his daughter was seeing wasn't a mirage but laser fire as several darkened objects began to slowly take ship amongst the blistering heat.
War Zone: "Toadie no!" said Slick humiliated as his lackey had swallowed his gun before he had a chance to fire it.
"Sorry master," Toadie apologized ashamed. Slick gave up on his attempts to retrieve the gun in disgust.
"You're not getting that any time soon barring IPECAC," said Zoda with a big grin as he still coasted alongside Slick's craft.
"What were you thinking?" demanded Slick. Toadie looked at him bewildered.
"I don't know; my tongue acted as if it had a mind of its own!" responded the humanoid toad. Slick whirled angrily at Zoda who merely gave a mocking salute and drifted off away from him as laser fire once again ripped through the air. But before he could get completely away, a massive shadow fell over them. Looking up, Zoda and Slick looked at the object casting the shadow in shock.
"Oh no," they both said.
Up on the barge, Neva Kee was having his own problems as he continued firing stunbolts as more and more mercenaries poured over the edges of the craft.
"Zee, I could really use your help," said the blue skinned red eyed Xamster as he grabbed a hold of the chain of a mace that had crashed next to him and with strength that belied his size he yanked the wielder off of their feet by tugging hard on the chain.
"I would but something's come up," said his companion cryptically. Neva took a brief glance out the back to see the mercenaries in their hovercrafts coasting along peacefully above the ground.
"I can see that," said Neva Kee upset. Even at that distance he could still make out Zoda's scowl before he merely pointed up. Neva Kee looked at him confused before dodging several mercenary attacks and running to the back. He grabbed a hold of the railing and leaned out to see up past the massive sails before his eyes, and those of the mercenaries pursuing him, fell on the object in question.
"Oh no," they all said in unison. Flying high above the ground in a set holding pattern was Jabba's massive Space Yacht.
Trial: "Are you two just magnets for disaster?" asked the Judge incredulously.
"Pretty much," admitted the diplomat. "Hard to believe we actually went a little over 24 hours before things first fell apart. It has to be a record for us to go that long without something blowing up."
"I would ask the Judge to refrain from asking leading questions," said IG-24 pointedly. The Judge nodded before jumping as a flash filtered in through the window as a lightning bolt flashed by outside accompanied with a roar of thunder.
"So my question to you would be when did you realize that the Supreme Chancellor was on your path of destruction?" asked IG-24.
"Shortly after the Yacht appeared," answered Neva Kee. "But not before Jabba decided to actually involve himself in the events."
Jabba's Yacht: The Hutt was in his private chambers looking at a viewscreen showing the mass of vehicles below swarming around his barge with glee before reaching for a joystick on his right as the image switched to a view just above the barrel of the massive cannon on the barge. Pushing the joystick, the barrel slowly aimed itself at the back of Neva Kee's head.
Barge: Neva Kee stiffened as he heard the barrel moving towards him. The mercenaries around him bolted as the barrel pressed up against the back of his head and several moments passed in silence before Neva Kee dropped to the ground as a lightsaber hurtled through the air right where he had been. The gun fired as the lightsaber deflected the blasts and then fell to the deck smoking hot. Neva Kee wrapped a piece of cloth around it and launched the lightsaber back the way it had come as he nodded his head in deference to his savior as the Chariot LAV zoomed off hard to the left. The diplomat then ran off as the cannon fired again and Neva Kee began darting amongst the mercenaries as they tried to fire on him while avoiding their own attacks and the cannon that was swiveling around to again aim at the diplomat. The group on the deck was so busy that they didn't even notice the hovercraft convoy looming ever larger ahead of them.
Convoy: "Ooh daddy, a flying boat!" said Aeryl looking out the back as the barge tore through the haze of desert followed by several smaller vehicles on all sides and then followed by Jabba's Yacht.
"That's nice dear," said Kantoris not even turning to look at her. "So Kandor, how much longer is it to this 'Tosche' station?"
"Soon sir, soon," promised Kandor anxious to get out of the heat that was overwhelming the hovercraft's air conditioning unit. But as he finished saying this, the rear armored robotic vehicles behind them began firing on the approaching vehicles.
"What the-?" began Kantoris staring out the back at the rapidly approaching barge that was beginning to nearly encompass the window as lasers blasts continued to permeate the air.
"Accelerate to full speed!" shouted Kandor as the droid driving the limo accelerated forward and tried to put some distance between the two.
"Wow, this is fun!" said Aeryl excited for once since the trip had started.
Barge: There were so many lasers flying through the air that the extra firepower from the Chancellor's convoy didn't seem to attract anyone's attention. Neva Kee kept using his stun bolts to take down mercenaries as the cannon fired again ripping a hole in the top front sail. The diplomat breathed a sigh of relief before an explosion rocked the ship from the back as a chunk of it was torn loose.
"Zathura what's going on back there!" shouted Neva Kee as he narrowly missed an axe that came down right in front of him.
"Sorry Enkidu," Zoda apologized. "But my hands are full and they somehow managed to bring a moving a turbolaser to the battle."
"So what am I supposed to do, get barbecued?" demanded the diplomat. Zoda thought about that.
"Of course not!" said Zoda. "We've already gone over our reasons for not going cannibalistic on each other, remember? You're not fat enough to make a good meal!"
Neva Kee's head dropped at that as the cannon blast rocketed right over him.
"Did I ever mention how you're my hero?" said Neva Kee dryly as he rolled his eyes before rolling away from several mercs.
"All the time," said Zoda with a big grin though Neva couldn't see it as he moved closer to the hovercraft with the turbolaser on top of it as the laser cannons on Jabba's yacht began aiming at him.
"So what do I do?" inquired the diplomat as he turned his back to the front of the barge and the hover convoy trying to escape from him.
"Speed is just a question of money, how fast do you want to go?" came the simplistic response. Neva's eyes widened at that.
"Oh no; not without you here!" said the diplomat shaking his head vigorously. "I'm not going to suffer alone on account of your meddling."
"Just do it!" Zoda barked before he noticed the cannons on the Yacht aiming at him. "Umm…gotta go."
The LAV began jinking and juking all over the place as the laser cannons from the Yacht tore up the ground trying to track Zoda's movements. Up on the barge, Neva Kee wrestled his way to the steering column.
"Alright boys listen up," said the diplomat as the mercenaries all aimed their guns at him.
"What?" they demanded as each reached for their trigger. Neva Kee's hand hovered over a makeshift red button with a piece of tape underneath it reading: 'You know you want to' in Zoda's chicken scratch writing.
"Better buckle up!" shouted the diplomat as he hit the button and the engines underneath glowed bright blue as the craft shot forward at speeds far beyond it's normal capabilities. Neva Kee held on for dear life as mercenaries were thrown past him and over the edge as others clung to the railing desperate to avoid getting blown over. Unfortunately, the speed was faster than the fleeing hoverlimo and the barge rocketed straight at it even faster than before.
Hoverlimo: "Oh sithspit!" shouted Kantoris beside himself as the two armored hovervehicles were scooped up by the sides of the prow on the front of the barge and flipped over as it quickly moved in on the limo.
"Daddy!" said Aeryl shocked. As Kandor just looked speechless at the looming shape of the barge and knew that the closer it got was the equivalent of the lengthening of time he'd be spending on this retched planet.
"If only that stupid droid driver wasn't locked onto this course we wouldn't be in this mess," he grumbled to himself. That statement caused a light to click on in Kantoris's mind.
"All stop!" he shouted to Kandor's shock.
"Sir?" inquired the robotic driver echoing Kandor's feelings.
"That's an order!" shouted Kantoris as the robotic cabbie slammed on the brakes as Kantoris strapped his daughter into her chair. The front end of the limo bit down onto the ground as the rear lifted up enough to cause the vehicle to be scooped up by the prow and go straight up the front of the craft headed towards the deck.
Deck: Neva Kee stood there covered in blood and sweat as he held his blasters at the ready. By now the intertial dampers on the deck had caught up with the speed of the craft and everyone could walk safely without fear of falling off.
"Alright boys, I am a diplomat," said the negotiator. "Now we all know this isn't going anywhere anytime soon so how about we all talk about this!"
The sounds of blasters being equipped with new charge packs put an end to that notion as Neva Kee shook his head.
"Your loss," he said ready to go at it again when a shadow covered him. Looking up in terror, the diplomat bolted along with the rest of the nearby mercenaries as the hoverlimo roared up into the air before it came crashing down onto the deck. Everyone looked at it even more confused that before.
"This day just keeps getting stranger," said the diplomat scratching his head. The door opened and one of the occupants emerged.
"Neva Kee?" said the Supreme Chancellor shocked as the Xamster's jaw dropped.
Behind them: "Hey who is it?" asked Zoda as the blue fire in the engines of the distant sail barge died down and it returned to a more normal speed as the forward vehicles of the Chancellor's convoy flipped off the sides of the bow and exploded once they hit the ground.
"It's…the Supreme Chancellor," said Neva Kee stunned.
"Really?" said Zoda as he was still avoiding laser fire while making his way closer and closer to the turbolaser craft.
"That'd better not be who I think it is," came the muffled voice of the Supreme Chancellor.
"Alright he remembers me!" said Zoda triumphantly as he avoided a blast from the moving turbolaser. "See Neva, it's like they always say, 'The normal make a living, the deranged make history'."
"You can tell him that he is still on my list after that incident at the Galactic Ball!" shouted the Chancellor. "Why do you still put up with that menace? No, don't answer that I don't want to know!"
"Chancellor it's not safe for you here!" came the diplomat's response.
THOOM
"Oh gee there's a shock," came the angry response. "You've just destroyed my only form of transportation."
"Hey Zoda what's going on?" asked Slick confused after having hacked into their radio frequency.
"I guess the Supreme Chancellor decided to join the party," the Jedi said offhand.
"What?!?!" came Slick's response.
"Just the messenger," commented Zoda.
"A valuable hostage," commented Jabba also having hacked into their line. "Here?"
"Oh Jabba even you know better than to kidnap the Supreme Chancellor," said Zoda dismissively.
"True," admitted the Hutt. "But that doesn't mean we can't…'chat'."
The Space Yacht moved off as Zoda leapt into the air and landed on the turbolaser equipped hovercraft, lightsabers extended as his Chariot LAV continued on its path above the ground.
"Y'all might want to abandon ship," the Jedi suggested in an Earthly southern drawl. The mercenaries onboard look at each other and hurtled over the side onto the sands below. Zoda then leapt into the driver's seat and slammed down on the accelerator.
"NK you've got Hutt incoming," the Jedi advised as he maneuvered past the wreckage of the Chancellor's limo that had been blown off the barge by the deck cannon.
"Oh great," said Neva Kee on the other end having not been paying attention to the line while dealing with the Supreme Chancellor. "You get here now!"
"Excuse me?" said the Supreme Chancellor taken aback.
"No not you, Zoda!" Neva Kee snapped before instantly covering his mouth with his hands over that outburst.
"You're not bringing that madman here!" shouted Kandor, both he and the Supreme Chancellor were more concerned about that than Neva Kee being rude to them.
"So what're you going to do Slick?" inquired the Jedi as in the distance he could see the Mercenary Leader's hovercraft still chasing after the barge.
"My job," the Coyote Leader grumbled as his speeder kicked up to high gear and roared ahead. Zoda nodded approvingly before spearing the engine of the craft he was riding with his lightsaber before leaping free and riding the ensuing shockwave back onto the roof of his Chariot LAV and kicked it into high gear as the vehicle blasted off after the crafts.
Barge: Neva Kee stood there with both his guns trying to defend the new arrivals, which was hard to put up a convincing front when he was shorter than Kantoris's daughter and easily half the height of the adults.
"Orders sir," said the diplomat nervously.
"Alright listen up," said the Supreme Chancellor stepping forward. "I know you all are likely guilty of crimes that would make a prisoner on Oovo IV blush. But I don't care what you've done or what you will do. I offer you the freedom to do whatever you choose to do because I will give a lifetime pardon to whomever kills Zoda!"
"What?!?!" shouted the diplomat shocked. "You can't sanction an assassination!"
"This isn't an assassination, it's a mercy killing!" declared the Chancellor.
"Mercy for who?" demanded Neva Kee.
"Me!" said Kantoris pointing to himself. "And a whole lot more people, but mainly me!"
Trial: "That's heresy!" shouted IG-24 as half the crowd nearly went into an uproar over Neva Kee's claim.
"It's true!" shouted the Xamster.
"Aah!" shouted Zoda as he ducked his head as a knife lodged itself in the wall right above him.
"It's not valid anymore, it was a one time deal!" shouted Neva Kee at the crowd as Zobba pointed repeatedly at the person who had thrown the knife.
"You realize that without anyone to collaborate on this, it has to be stricken from the record," said the Judge twirling the gavel in his hands. Zoda removed a piece of paper and handed it to Neva Kee who slapped it on the bench in front of the judge.
"Exhibit A," said the diplomat showing the order in question. The Judge looked it over with his reading glasses and dropped the thing on his desk in a stupor. IG-24 picked it up and read it too before sharing a glance with the Judge who nodded as the droid tore the paper to shreds.
"The charges of heresy are dropped," said the Judge. "But there will be no more talk of this nonsense in my courtroom."
Barge: The Supreme Chancellor finished signing the final official decree of pardoning for anyone who killed Zoda as a loud whine was heard as the Chariot LAV could be seen racing up the left side of the barge before hooking it's right laser cannon onto the edge of the railing as it now hung on the side of the barge as a grappling gun embedded itself on the other side of the barge and soon Slick Clyde, Toadie, and Zoda were on the deck as Jabba's Yacht lowered itself to the same level as Jabba slithered his way across the front onto the back of the barge.
"The plot thickens," said Zoda to Neva Kee as the diplomat moved to join him.
"Like you wouldn't believe," said the diplomat knowingly. "Kantoris just signed your death warrant."
"Again?" asked Zoda lightly as he held his two hilts at the ready but had yet to extend the blades.
"Ah Supreme Chancellor, I was not made aware of your visit," said Jabba humbly. "If I had I would have prepared a reception in your honor."
"Oh can it," said the Chancellor. "Let's just get his over with!"
All sides raced at each other as Neva Kee collecting Aeryl and taking her into the bottom of the barge with Kandor in pursuit also anxious to avoid the fight as laser blasts and lightsaber swings flew everywhere.
Trial: "So to make a long story short, it rained on Tatooine the end," said Zoda abruptly. "Can we go now?"
"No!" shouted IG-24. "Now you tell us what really happened next!"
"Ay carumba," said Zoda holding his head in shame. "Fine…"
Jabba's Palace: The Twi'lek from earlier was finishing the repairs to the greeter droid and stood there admiring his work.
"De massy massy ma fu masta," said the Twi'lek with a smile. The droid looked around before its eye bugged out and it immediately vanished back into the door. The Twil'lek looked confused at this before turning around, screaming, and desperately pushing the open door button as the Sail Barge was seen flying down the road leading toward the Palace followed by Jabba's spaceship.
"Zoda you're going to need to hit the brakes," said Neva Kee as he was down in the hold with Aeryl and Kandor looking over the sensor readings that indicated the Palace was getting closer and closer.
"Okay," said Zoda up on the deck as he was hanging on the shoulder of one of the mercenaries and punching away before leaping away as that mercenary was tackled by his fellow Coyotes who had been trying to capture the Jedi.
"Where's the anchor?" asked Grand Master Z.
"Well it's…wait, what?" said Captain N bewildered.
"This is a barge so it should have an anchor," the Jedi reasoned.
"It's a hovercraft not a boat!" shouted Neva Kee. "Just hit the airbrakes, there is no anchor!"
"Well…we're screwed," declared Zoda as he avoided a blast from the Supreme Chancellor. "I had to get rid of the brakes to make room for the engine modifications."
"WHAT?!?!" shouted Jabba as the action on the deck halted as everyone took in this bit of information.
"It's the law of equivalent exchange, to gain something you must give something else up in return," said Zoda.
"You got that off of the TV!" Neva Kee accused as he collected Aeryl and brought her to the deck with Kandor in pursuit.
"Yeah," said Zoda lightly as the Palace hurtled right at them.
"So what do we do now?" asked Jabba as everyone on the deck clustered around him.
"Well in the words of the immortal General Grievous," began Zoda quoting the future cyborg general. "'Time to abandon ship!' Cough, cough, wheeze."
The entire barge broke out into panic as mercenaries swarmed for the sides anxious to catch a ride off of the barge turned missile. Jabba was headed for his ship in the rear when Neva Kee appeared in front of him holding a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard.
"Package delivery is confirmed," was all he said as he gave it to Jabba and bolted off. Neva Kee entered into the Chariot LAV with the Supreme Chancellor and his group as the hovercraft unhooked itself from the barge and disappeared from sight. Jabba looked at the sheet and the chaos on the deck as in a daze when he saw Zoda at the front of the barge. The Jedi saluted him with his lightsaber.
"Always a please J," said Zoda with a grin before flying off the front of the barge. Jabba's expression turned to anger as he shredded the entire clipboard to pieces before seeing the Palace bearing down on him.
"Oh Huttslime," he said. Up ahead Zoda landed on their original speeder and threw it in reverse backing away from the barge as the Twi'lek from earlier raced through the now open doorway as the barge crashed through it tearing off the sails. The Twi'lek continued running, now joined by various Gamorrean Guards as chunks of the barge were ripped off as it scraped along the tunnel. The Twi'lek and Gamorreans rushed into the convocation chamber where it was full of guests luxuriating themselves on all that the Hutt had to offer. They looked at the group confused when a loud rumbling noise was heard and everyone began to panic as the Twi'lek ran off with the Sail Barge crashing through the wall that bordered the chamber before coming to an abrupt halt was Jabba was flung from the ship and came crashing down onto his dais breathing heavily from panic.
"Now that's how a Hutt enters," was all he could come up with before collapsing unconscious.
Mos Eisley Spaceport: The Chariot LAV and Speeder were parked outside the Emperor's Spaceship.
"Well Supreme Chancellor I hope this won't turn you off to the wonders of Tatooine," said Neva Kee nervously as he scratched the back of his head.
"Wonders, yeah right," said Zoda dismissively. The Supreme Chancellor just stood there glaring at Zoda.
"You are banned from going to Coruscant ever again!" he stated pointing at the Jedi.
"I'm already banned from going to Coruscant after the incident at the state ball!" Zoda reminded him. Neva Kee and the Chancellor both considered this before Neva held his head in shame and the Chancellor briefly considered tearing his own hair out.
"Diplomat," the Chancellor decided, nodding his head before heading up the ramp. Aeryl watched him go before turning to face the two aliens.
"Bye Uncle Neva, bye Uncle Zoda, it was fun as always seeing daddy get so mad," she said with an evil grin before hugging both and heading up the ramp. The ramp closed and the ship blasted off as Kandor stood there glaring at them.
"I'm going to get you for this Zoda," he declared before storming off. Neva Kee and Zoda watched him storm off before Zoda turned to the diplomat.
"This is Sithspit, why is everything always my fault to these people?" he asked.
"Because it usually is," said the diplomat. "Now come on, let's go rebuild what's left of our farm."
Zoda nodded before producing the earlier document from the Supreme Chancellor. "I think I'll hang this next to all the others when we finally get back to your ship."
"Another day another death warrant?" surmised Neva. Zoda nodded as the two headed for their vehicles.
"So what now?" asked Zoda finally as they leaned against their respective vehicles.
"Go back, pick up the pieces of the farm, try and live a normal life," reasoned Neva Kee. "What do you say to that?"
"Depends, what's 'normal'?" asked Zoda bemused.
"Good question," Neva Kee agreed. "Let's roll."
The two got in their vehicles and headed off across the desert back to their farm.
Trial: "So what do you have to say about all of that?" asked IG-24 genuinely curious.
"All in a day's work?" said Zoda hopeful. IG-24 smashed the front of their both with that statement.
"Zoda!" shouted Neva Kee.