Trial: "Golf?" inquired the Judge confused. "What's that?"
"None of your da-," began Zoda.
"It's a game of hitting balls into various holes," said Neva Kee cutting him off and then upon seeing the blank stares of everyone in the courtroom. "…It's better than it sounds, believe me."
The audience was unconvinced, but that's the way things usually were with Neva Kee and Zoda's exploits.
"And is that how the Princess got involved?" stated IG-24. Neva Kee nodded his head as Zoda rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Yes, though…sometimes I think we just are magnets for bad luck," said the Diplomat frustrated.
"Amen to that!" said Zoda enthusiastically before laughing hysterically.
"Fortunately that will never hold up as a defense in the court of law," IG-24 gloated. Zoda thought about that one for a moment.
"I dunno about that, I seem to recall a case where-," began the Jedi when the assassin droid seized him by the collar.
"I don't know how you managed to convince that jury that karma was a byproduct of the Force but that won't fly here," the droid fumed. "The Supreme Galactic Republic Court ruled that that defense would only work at that trial and nowhere else! So can it!"
Zoda blinked at that and then stared up at the photoreceptors of the droid.
"Funny you should mention 'cans'," began Zathura looking at the droid's metal cylindrical head as the droid's left arm began to squeeze Zoda's neck while the right morphed in a carbine assault blaster.
"Care to ask for that remark to be stricken from the record?" asked the droid darkly.
"Let's r-," began the Jedi when the Judge intervened.
"Put him down, killing the witness and the defendant will get you disbarred," he pointed out. "I think the last thing any of us need right now is a mistrial."
A thunderclap shook the entire building.
"And are we ever going to get around to how this happened?" he asked further pointing to the heavens.
"Eventually," said the diplomat tired as Zoda was dumped back into the seat.
"Please continue with your story," said the Judge as IG-24 stalked back to his seat. Neva Kee sighed.
"Fine," he said readying himself for recalling another series of disasters when he noticed Zoda staring at him.
"What?" demanded the diplomat.
"Did you take more of the seat while I was up in the air?" inquired the Jedi. The diplomat's head dropped into his hands at that statement in defeat.
Farm: Neva was sitting in the basement of the dwelling again working with his chemistry set to keep the water cool even in the face of the overwhelming heat above. Though trafficking in water was an important source of a moisture farmer's income, so too were growing crops to sell at the market. Though he had managed to still cultivate an impressive crop since their time here on Tatooine, it was all done in a greenhouse with artificial lights. It was the diplomat's hope that perma-cooling the water would allow him to grow crops on the surface and expose them to real sunlight from Tatooine's twin suns allow them to perhaps be more organic in nature and better tasting as well.
…Assuming Zoda hadn't spiked the crops. The diplomat doubted that he had, because Zoda never broke a promise, but he was known to bend the rules on occasion.
"FOREIGN SUBSTANCE DETECTED!"
"Aah!" shouted the diplomat startled as his chemistry set went flying everywhere. The automated warning device continued with its alert as the diplomat tore off up the stairs. Sabotage was a major concern on Moisture Farms as it was also a cutthroat business at times, but the diplomat had hoped his farm would've been small enough to escape notice.
"Apparently no one likes competition of any sort," thought the diplomat pulling out his Mateba Model 6 Unicas. "But why wasn't Zoda able to take care of them?"
The diplomat burst out into the blinding sun and did a quick duck and roll before aiming his guns out into the desert as his vision adjusted to the light.
"Oh no…," he said.
"Neba, hep!" shouted Zoda. His tongue was frozen to the cooling rods and was now chained to Treadwell who was revving at full speed to try and pry them loose. The revolvers fell loosely on Neva Kee's trigger fingers and he abruptly turned around and walked back into the hut.
Much Later: The diplomat was sitting outside on the ground trying to calm his inner self as the wind slowly blew across the desert sands.
"My name is Neva Kee and I am a diplomat," he began repeating calmly as part of his calming ritual. "My name is Neva Kee and I am a diplomat. My name is Neva Kee and-."
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" a voice shouted, cutting through the calming aura. Neva Kee annoyingly lifted his right eyelid and saw Zoda race in from out of the horizon, race straight across the farm, and then vanish off into the distance. An instant later Treadwell appeared and followed suit and silence once more permeated the air.
"Those two," Neva Kee grumbled. He then closed his eyes and breathed in and out to try and make the tension ease out of him.
"I am-," began the diplomat again.
RUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE, RUMBLE
The ground began shaking heavily and various poles began crashing down as both the diplomat's eyes shot open.
"Oh sith," he said. A stampede of wild banthas was bearing down on the farm and the diplomat didn't need a rocket scientist to figure out what had spooked them.
"Zoda you son of a b-," began the diplomat as the banthas crashed into the farm throwing sand, dirt, and debris everywhere.
Twelve headaches later: The diplomat was about at the end of his rope as his experiments were still failing aside from that ice storm wasn't something worth recalling. Zoda for his part had caused disaster after disaster, but the diplomat knew he couldn't blame him. The Jedi was getting stir crazy and so was the diplomat. Being domestic and sticking in one place wasn't exactly either of their style. Though they solved many problems for others, they often caused as many as well. That was why they were constantly on the move. That and both had a yearning to explore the universe at large.
That was why on one of their adventures they had stumbled through a black hole and wound up on a faraway planet called Earth. It was a strange planet to be sure, but they had managed to gleam one useful thing on their travels there. A game. A game that had no equivalent on the SW galaxy and a game that had for some reason caught their attention in a way few things had. And so they had brought it with them back to this place and time. No one else in the galaxy really understood it but that suited the two just fine. They were trailblazers and intentionally did things no one else did. It helped them stand out to themselves in a galaxy full of more individuals than anyone could possibly know about.
They had been forced by others to cease playing the game, but here on this planet that was the farthest point from a bright center in the universe, it was about to begin again.
Surface: Zoda was racing Treadwell around the farm when he heard a distinct sound of air being cut through with a long metal shaft. The Jedi hopped off of the droid and stood there in silence before jerking out his right hand as a metal club slapped into it. The green creature held his clenched fist in front of his face and looked at the club before closing his eyes as if the turmoil in him was quelled and inner peace settled in. And then his eyes shot open and he began twirling the club in a complex series of twists, twirls, jabs, and more before giving a Jedi salute with it and then holding it out away from him. Turning around, he walked towards the blue creature and together the two stood side by side looking off at the twin binary suns setting. Without a word, the green one transferred the club to his left hand and held out his right as the blue alien slapped a white dimpled ball into it. The green one began rolling the ball in his hand as if getting a feel for it before stopping and dropping both his arms. The two continued looking serenely at the two stars as if deeply contemplating some inner turmoil.
"Second star to the right and off until morning," said the blue one as both leaned over and placed their dimpled balls on the ground and then stepped next to them.
"And then?" asked the green one curious. The blue one shrugged nonchalantly not looking at the green one.
"Keep going,"
Two clubs pulled back and two balls were blasted into the stratosphere.
Space: Laser blasts tore up the area around Tatooine as a spaceship ripped through the area trying to avoid the attacks of several Firespray-Class attack craft. The vessel carried a lone female occupant who was cut and bruised from the various broken and destroyed panels inside the cockpit. The vessel was barely holding together but the other craft were trying to make sure it didn't. The woman looked around desperately for a means of escape from her predicament and began pressing random buttons. Finally one combination seemed to produce the desired effect and an EMP erupted from the back of the craft disabling the others.
"Ha, ha!" shouted the woman triumphantly.
The engines gave out.
"Oh no," she said as the ship plunged into the atmosphere.
Planet: "Oh no!" said Zoda in agony. The golf ball was arcing off in the distance to the right.
"Ha, ha, nice slice Zee!" said Neva Kee triumphantly as he made a mark in the scorecard. He was sitting in the driver seat of their golf cart lazily sipping a fruit juice.
"Lousy atmospherics," the Jedi grumbled as he headed back to the cart and put his club back into his bag.
"What atmospherics?" said Neva doubtful. An explosion reverberated across the air as a spaceship on fire streaked across the sky and crashed in the distance throwing up sand.
"That atmospherics," the Jedi gloated smugly. Neva Kee looked at the smoke rising in the distance.
"I still think it's because you used the seven-wood instead of that five like I suggested," said the diplomat starting up the cart and pressing the accelerator.
"Maybe," said Zoda. "But you'll never be able to prove it."
The golf cart moved off in the direction of the wreck.
"What're you-," began the Jedi suspiciously as he looked at the driver.
"We might as well because-," admitted the driver.
"If you say it's our civic duty I'll kill you," promised the passenger crossing his arms to emphasize the point. The driver looked at the passenger bemused.
"I was going to say because that's where your ball landed and well let's face it it'll take you at least another stroke to get back to where I was," said the driver. "But I guess civic duty is more embarrassing."
Silence.
"I hate you,"
"Just trying to help out,"
Crashed Ship: The woman's vision cleared and she found herself in the midst of her destroyed cockpit.
"Oh thank goodness," she said. The woman unbuckled her safety harness and stumbled her way across the way towards the airlock. Sparks and instruments fell all around her but she fought her way out and made it into the blistering hot sun.
"I'm alive," she said gratefully.
…And then a white dimpled ball came hurtling in from above and struck her on the head knocking her out unconscious.
Later: The woman's vision began to slowly clear and voices began to permeate her murky haze.
"Terrific," said a voice clearly displeased. "Now what am I supposed to do?"
"I?" inquired the other voice surprised at the singular use.
"Yeah," the other said clearly displeased. "I'm going to have to be really careful with my next swing."
"Oh for-you get a drop!" said the other incredulous at the statement the previous had made.
"Not according to Happy Gilmore," said the first in rebuttal.
"Ummm," said the second clearly at a loss now. "Well I'm stumped. My moral sense tells me you shouldn't swing but my sportsman sense says you should."
"So what should I do you're the moral compass here," said the first. The other's silence clearly meant he was contemplating it. The woman knew she had to get up soon or these men were clearly out to kill her.
"Oh hell just swing before she wakes up," said the second quickly, apparently having noticed her movements.
"Roger that," said the first. The sound of an object whizzing through the air was heard and the woman's eyes jerked open and she forced herself to roll away as a dimpled ball rolled off of her head and onto the sand before she came to a halt on her side as the ball landed right in front of her eyes and a metal object arced through the air and then it was gone, with the metal wedge just barely missing the bridge of her nose.
"And away she goes," said the long-eared alien holding the metal club. The woman quickly scrambled to her feet and lightheaded though she was, she still took out her blaster rifles and aiming it at the two short aliens.
"To the contrary, I'm still here," she stated darkly. The two aliens looked at her and then at each other.
"I wasn't referring to you genius," said the one with the club resting over his shoulder. "C'mon Neva she's fine and I just teed off so let's roll."
The diplomat looked her over and nodded. "Goodbye miss."
The two started to leave when the woman blocked their path.
"I am Delta, Princess of Chrona," she began.
"Oh," said the long-eared one. "Please to meet you Delta, I'm Alpha and this is Omega."
"That joke only works on Earth Zoda!" shouted the blue alien.
"But if you tell it enough times…," said the other cheekily as the other groaned.
"I don't care what your names are I'm commandeering your ve…hicle…," said the Princess finally eyeing the two's method of transportation, their golf cart.
"I'd really recommend walking," said the long eared one being completely honest. "But she goes up to five miles an hour and that ain't bad. Later."
The Princess tightened her grip on the triggers. "You two aren't going anywhere."
The green one leaned forward as if to share a secret even though he was only as tall as her kneecap at best.
"I think we are," he assured her. The Princess was unmoved.
"You're unarmed," she stated bluntly. The long eared alien crossed his arms in front of him. Without a word, two curved hilts shot into his hands from out his sleeves and then two lightsaber blades emerged from them.
"Let's r-," began the being with a self-assured grin on their face when the blue alien stepped in between them.
"Not here not now," he stated to the green one.
"But, but-," the other tried to protest in vain.
"I said no," said the blue one. The other wasn't happy about it but the lightsaber blades retracted into their hilts.
"Fine," the green one relented before walking off to the cart. Delta watched him go before returning her attention to the blue alien.
"You mind putting those away?" he asked pointedly. Delta looked at her blasters before holstering them.
"Sorry," she apologized as an afterthought. She didn't like being submissive but this creature didn't seem like the one whom many could dominate.
"Understandable," said the alien holding up his hand. "Are you hurt, do you require medical attention?"
The Princess was surprised at that, everything she'd read about Tatooine led her to belief it was full of uncaring and uncompassionate individuals.
"No I'm fine, thank you," said the woman shivering despite herself at the desolate landscape she now found herself in.
"Good," said the blue one before looking at her ship. "Judging from those scorch marks I'd say you should probably get moving. Whoever was chasing after you probably survived crashing as well and they'll be making their way here soon. The nearest town is Anchorhead which is about a three day walk north of here so you might want to get going."
The golf cart roared to life.
"C'mon Neva, the day's not getting any shorter," said the other impatient. The blue alien nodded and then looked at the woman and tipped his head at her.
"Where are you two headed?" the woman asked.
"East towards Mos Eisley. We'll probably have a stopover there when we reach it in twelve days or so and then continue on," said the creature getting into the cart. "At any rate, it's a fairly safe walk to Anchorhead and there you can catch a ride back to Chrona. Say hi to your father for me, it's been awhile since I've seen him."
Zoda chuckled evilly to himself. "Yeah and tell him…on second thought just tell him Zoda says hello as well."
The woman eyed them curiously as the cart started off and then did some internal calculations in her head.
"Wait!" she called out to the departing cart. It came to a halt and the two aliens looked at her curious.
"What?" they both asked in unison. The woman smiled.
"I want to hire you to get me safely to Mos Eisley," she stated. The two aliens shot a glance at each other before once more looking at her.
"You know who we are?" the blue one asked. The woman nodded.
"Yeah," she acknowledged.
"You know what our fee is?"
"Yeah,"
"You know you'll regret this later?"
"Yeah,"
"Let's go,"
The woman grabbed her suitcase and hopped onto the back of the cart as it rolled off away from the crash.
"You sure this is a good idea?" Zoda whispered to Neva. The blue diplomat shrugged.
"Why not, it's not like her father can get any madder at us," he figured.
Trial: "Are you positive that's how it happened?" asked the Judge doubtful despite himself.
"Pretty much yeah," said Neva Kee nodding his head. "Though if we knew now back then we'd have told her to take a hike. But hindsight is 20/20 and we did need some cash."
"Cash?" inquired the Judge confused as to what that word meant.
"Credits," Zoda amended as he was counting United States Treasury issued dollar bills while Neva told the story.
"Right, well do we need to know about your previous encounter with the King of Chrona to provide some background to this incident?" asked the Judge.
"Sorry, the records were sealed by the King and we were sworn to secrecy. So ordered the six planet courts of Chrona," responded the diplomat in sympathy. The Judge narrowed his eyes at that.
"I thought there were five planet courts of Chrona," he asked. Neva Kee blinked and then looked at the judge with a serene look on his face.
"Of course there are, my mistake. Because you can't have a planetary court without a planet to be on," he said calmly. The Judge's eyes bugged out at that one as the diplomat turned to face the observers.
"To continue…,"
Desert, Day 1: Neva Kee was looking through his rangefinder in the distance over a mountain of dunes and then walked over to his bag hanging of the back and pulled out a club.
"You're wasting my time," Delta stated upset at not being taken to Mos Eisley that much sooner. She also wasn't fond of having to face the back and only see their two golf bags. The diplomat began lining up his putt.
"We said you'd get there safely in around twelve days and that'll be how it is," he said. "We do have a life outside of you."
The diplomat swung and the ball rocketed off into the distance. Neva smiled at that and was putting his club away when he saw Zoda kicking stuff around at the bottom of the dune. He looked up at Neva Kee expectantly as the blue alien groaned.
"Out with it!" he yelled. Zoda held up a small metallic ring.
"Look sir, droids!" he shouted gleefully. Neva Kee's head dropped onto the back of the golf cart in defeat as he pounded it in frustration.
"Oh just shut up and get back up here!" he yelled as the Jedi ran up the side of the dune. But half way up he tripped and began sliding back. Unfortunately the dune wasn't very stable either and the entire side began to slide with him. Up above the right side of the golf cart began to dig into the ground and then tip.
"Oy Pah Nagoya!" shouted Neva as the cart crashed onto its side and went down with the dune vanishing from sight.
Day 2: Delta was angrily picking sand out of her hair as the cart continued on its way towards Mos Eisley. Up front Zoda was sharpening a club with a grinder as Neva Kee drove the vehicle. The Jedi finally finished and wiped a piece of cloth across it before presenting the head to Neva.
"How's that?" he asked curious. The diplomat looked at the head and nodded.
"Looks good to me," he agreed before briefly whipping it through the air to hear the slice. "Very good."
"I hate both of you," came Delta's response from the backseat. Zoda chuckled at that.
"Guess you are your father's child," he quipped. "As I recall he said the same thing to me right before we left Chrona."
"Yeah well I guess he was right," was the retort. "I don't know what you two exactly did back home but daddy used to tell me nightmare stories about the things you two supposedly did on Chrona. I don't know which were true and which were lies but they all sounded bad."
"Then they were probably all true," said Neva Kee turning the wheel. "But all that really matters are that your father and Chrona had a problem, we solved it, and nobody got hurt or lost their life in the process. End of story."
"Yes but…," began Delta in response. Neva Kee whirled to face her as she twisted to look at him.
"But nothing. Diplomacy had failed and that's why we settled on the solution that we did," responded the diplomat as Zoda cracked his knuckles. "Détente. And Chrona is now much safer because of it."
The diplomat faced the front again.
"So when everyone hates you the galaxy will have peace?" asked Delta doubtful once more facing the back. Neva nodded even though she couldn't really see him.
"That's the plan," he admitted. "Though it's actually to get everyone to hate Zee over here and pity myself for being wrapped up in it all."
Zoda laughed at that despite himself.
"And you're happy with this?" Delta accused. The Jedi shrugged as he turned around and leaned next to her to put the club back in its bag.
"They'd hate me regardless at least this way it's for a productive end," he responded before sitting back in his seat. Delta turned somber at that.
"I know how that is," she said softly. The two up front figured it wasn't their place to ask what that meant and so they didn't.
"Zoda?" asked Neva looking off into the distance.
"Yeah?" asked the Jedi listlessly from the current mood. The diplomat gave an evil grin.
"Surf's up!" he stated. A broad grin spread over the Jedi's face as his dueling sabers extended outwards.
"Rock on," he said lightly nodding his head in approval. And then laser blasts ripped up the area around the cart along with missiles that rained down from the sky. Smoke, sand, and debris obscured the area around the cart and then the green Jedi ripped free from it rocketing outwards at the group of Mandalorian bounty hunters peppering the sky.
"C'mon you old ladies you want to live forever?" he shouted as the battle joined in midair.
Trial: "Wow," said the Judge impressed. "I'm surprised someone would intentionally attack Mandalorians. Why would you do that?"
"Service guarantees citizenship," was the only response the Jedi could come up with as if this should be blatantly obvious. Neva Kee's eyes rolled at that but he let the comment slide.
"But I'm still a little hazy on how an overturned Sandcrawler would up in the middle of Mos Eisley," the Judge continued, brushing off the little Jedi's bizarre comment. "Or how The Legend got involved in all of this."
Neva Kee chuckled at that. "Well The Legend just hates us, as for the Sandcrawler that's its…well to make an unfortunate pun, that's its own can of sand worms."
Silence.
"But…you don't have to take my word for it," Zoda chimed in.
"Oh real original,"
"Shut up!"