Tatooine, Day 8: A lone Sandcrawler made its way across the Jundland Wastes towards parts unknown to sell it's even more unknown wares. Inside the bridge of the old ore hauler, various Jawas ran around manning the various consoles and devices that had been jury-rigged countless times over. It was a normal day for them, it was always a normal day when you were a Jawa as one day tended to bleed over to the next. They didn't like surprises, which was why they rolled around in a gigantic heavily armored near impenetrable vehicle. Safe, secure, and sound, that was the Jawa's motto.
A motto which was subsequently broken when Zoda came crashing through the front windows of the Crawler riding a surfboard with rocket engines attached to it. A pair of Mandalorians came flying in as well and opened fire as Jawas scattered everywhere. But true to the Jedi Code, the plucky green one protected them all until they made their escape before coming to a halt on his board and twirling his lightsabers into a defensive position. The Jedi was bloody and caked with sand but he was still eager for a fight. Down below and far away, a lone golf cart made its way across the dunes. It was pockmarked with various blaster scorches but still mobile. The Sandcrawler with its smoking bridge could be seen but it was not the destination of the cart, its destination was a nearby dimpled ball.
The diplomat hopped out of the cart and walked up to it before pulling out his rangefinder and looking out into the distance with it. As he walked back to his bag and was choosing his club, an explosion ripped out a chunk of the right side of the sandcrawler where in the now exposed yet still heavily smoky section twin light blades could be seen deflecting laser bolts and other objects. The diplomat sorted through his clubs as the wreckage of the sandcrawler began raining down around him before choosing his appropriate club and was about to tee off when a speck caught his attention. Pulling out his rangefinder Neva Kee noticed a Mandalorian flying through the air and bringing his wrist rockets to aim at the still hidden Jedi.
Calmly walking back to the cart, the diplomat picked out a mini-golf putter and walked to the edge of the dune the cart was parked on before placing a red golf ball on the ground and once more taking a look through his rangefinder.
"What're you doing?" demanded Delta. The diplomat turned to face her.
"You ever hear of pool?" he asked curious. Delta nodded her head to the diplomat's surprise.
"Yeah it's a body of water that people swim in," she responded. The diplomat rolled his eyes but it's not like she would understand it even if he did explain what he was referring to.
"Yeah that's it exactly," the diplomat agreed before steeling himself for the bad terminology he was about to misuse. "Anyway you're about to see an eight ball hit the corner pocket."
"What?" said Delta bewildered. The diplomat clocked the ball and it rocketed off only to hit the far off Mandalorian and cause him to crash into the sand next to the crawler.
"Got 'im," was all the diplomat said as he let the club slide so he was now holding the wedge.
"Wow," said Delta clearly impressed. That was quite a drive for such a small alien.
"I've been working out," the diplomat figured flexing his pencil thin arms before putting the putter back in the bag and once more becoming all business. He once more returned to his ball and took a couple of practice swings before planting his club on the ground and then leaned against the grip.
"What are you waiting for?" Delta said in her demanding tone. The diplomat didn't respond, he just thrust his arm straight into the air and then thrust his arm straight out at the sandcrawler before making an arcing motion with his arm through the air.
"What does that-," began Delta annoyed when another explosion rocked the sandcrawler and a fireball arced across the sky with a sound and look akin to a Roman Candle. From out the front of the fireball raced Zoda on his board as behind him, battered yet still living mandalorians fell out of its smoke trail. As soon as it finished the high point of its arc in front of the diplomat and began to crash down, the diplomat blasted the ball and it trailed off into the distance as the fireball crashed into the sand nearby. The twin jets could be seen once more arcing back towards the sandcrawler before suddenly coming straight at the diplomat. From out of the rising sun, Zoda raced straight towards the diplomat with a battle hardened face as his twin lightsabers were held out at both sides in an attack posture.
"Oh my-he's gonna kill you!" shouted Delta as the Jedi drew ever closer unabated. The diplomat swung his club around and held it in a defensive posture.
"He will try," was the diplomat's only reply. The Jedi began picking up more and more speed as a sonic boom reverberated across the land.
"Whu-he can't be going that fast!" protested Delta.
"Oh but he is," responded the diplomat steeling himself for the attack. Delta looked at him like he was crazy and then at the ever closer supersonic Jedi.
"That's not true, that's impossible!" she shouted in vain. The diplomat cracked a smile at that.
"I knew someone else who once said those words but he was wrong as well. But it is the truth," said the diplomat. "Now if you'll excuse me…"
The Jedi was inches away from the diplomat when suddenly the board ripped up in front of him and sand sprayed everywhere. When it settled, Zoda was staring directly at Neva Kee. Delta was so boggled at that turn of events that she passed out from shock.
"Neva," said Zoda in a guttural voice.
"Zoda," the diplomat acknowledged tipping his head at him. The two stood there in silence as sand lightly blew past them.
"Guess there's no getting past it then," commented the Jedi about things unknown. The diplomat shook his head.
"Nope, I guess not," he agreed. Silence.
Then Zoda swung.
Trial: "What?!?!?!" shouted the Judge. "You two actually fought each other?!?!"
"Yeah," said Zoda not sure at his meaning. "What's so strange about that?"
The Judge was at a loss and so he managed to mumble out a few random words before throwing his hands up in confusion.
"Because he's still an idiot and nothing can excuse that," said Neva Kee as if that should be blatantly obvious.
"Yeah and he's a pompous arrogant jerk," said Zoda as well before raising his right fist close to his face. "And sometimes he just needs to be shut up."
Jundland Wastes: Neva Kee ducked down as the blade flew over his head before he thrust out his club and yanked the Jedi off of his feet before leaping away.
"Your powers are weak old man," said Neva Kee goading the Jedi as he hopped back and forth awaiting the Jedi's attack. Zoda got back up on his feet and whirled his lightsabers around until they were pointing down and away from him.
"You can't win Neva," the Jedi responded. "Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
"Funny," the diplomat commented wryly as he raised the muscles above his right eye in the approximation of lifting an eyebrow. "I thought I just did."
The Jedi growled at him and then leapt straight at him lightsabers extended like twin tusks. The diplomat shifted the club to his left hand and then stuck his thumb and forefinger into his mouth and whistled loudly. The whistle roused Delta from her sleep and she slowly came to only to see the flying surfboard slam into Zoda's back and rocket him forward towards the diplomat who rolled out of the way as the board continued it's path into a nearby sand dune.
"You killed him!" shouted Delta as the board emerged from the top of the dune and made it's way back to the diplomat.
"Hardly," said Neva as he hopped onto the hood of the cart and reached his hand into the glove compartment as a pair of maps and garbage fell out before he retrieved his sunglasses and put them on.
"Pebble Beach?" asked Delta looking at one of the fallen maps. "Where's that?"
"It's in Monterey," explained the diplomat as a lightsaber blade erupted from the hood directly between the two. Delta screamed as the diplomat once more cocked a non-existent eyebrow at the blade.
"If you'll excuse me," he stated before doing a kickflip off the hood and landed onto the board and it flew into reverse as the ground in front of the cart exploded as Zoda hurtled out of the ground and straight at the diplomat, ripping him off of the board. The two fell to the ground as the board performed a quick arc before plowing into the ground and becoming stuck. Neva Kee meanwhile had Zoda in a headlock as both continued pummeling each other to Delta's dismay.
Elsewhere: Down far below the ground in a massive cave where few could enter but none would leave, was The Legend. It was the largest creature that had ever held residence on Tatooine and had lived well beyond the average life for such beings. It had the various battle scars to prove it as every hunter of its kind in the galaxy had come at one point to hunt it. They'd all failed yet still they came. It was so many, that The Legend didn't even bother to distinguish one from the next, assuming it could at all.
But two, two in particular it would never forget. They had entered into its lair, seriously injured it in an attempt to bring it down, and then did the unthinkable and actually managed to escape! The creature vowed revenge on the two interlopers and if they ever returned to Tatooine, there would be Mustafar to pay.
And finally it's time had come. The creature had silently taken note of the various explosion tremors reverberating through the ground from some battle in the distance. This was nothing new to it as battles were constantly raged on the surface of this desert world. But when the distinct impression of an energy blade was heard through the sand that got the The Legend's attention, and then when the hovering board crashed into the ground that cinched it. Neva Kee and Zoda were here, the creature knew it and it kicked up to full speed, making a new hole through its cavern headed straight for the source of the disturbance. Vengeance was soon at hand.
Surface: Neva Kee had wrangled Zoda into a sleeper hold and was just waiting for the Jedi to pass out. But as they were doing so, the ground began rumbling and the two began slowly sinking into the sand.
"What the-," began Neva Kee as he let go of the Jedi and both hopped back as the sinkhole only got larger and larger. The two continued sinking as Delta clung to dear life to the cart as it too started sliding down the ever widening hole. The two aliens looked at the center of the cone with confusion when a roar was heard emanating from the sand. A roar only too familiar to the two of them.
"Oh shi-," they began when the ground suddenly collapsed inward before erupting outward as if in a large convulsion. The two aliens hit the ground and skidded to a halt with their 'swords' at the ready. The cart slammed into the ground and Delta was unceremoniously dumped onto the ground, bruised but otherwise intact.
"What now?" she complained on the verge of tears. This whole trip had been one disaster after the next. In the center between the three, a fountain of sand was erupting high into the sky.
"Usul has called a big one," began Neva Kee oblivious to her.
"Again it is The Legend," finished Zoda. The wall of sand dropped and in its place was a gigantic sandworm…a gigantic angry sandworm that roared to the heavens in a gesture of pure rage.
Trial: The Judge shuddered involuntarily as did most of the audience to the proceedings. The Legend was just that, a legend. The biggest sandworm in recorded history, that had likely existed back then too, and the greatest menace Tatooine had ever known, Zoda notwithstanding of course. He was big over 5000 feet long, he was bad, and he was deadly. Yet the worm was like the call of the Sirens, whoever bagged The Legend would be set for life and finally be able to leave Tatooine and retire somewhere tropical and full of water.
"So what did you do?" asked the Judge with a whisper. The two looked at each other.
"It wanted to kill us, what else were we to do?" they both asked helplessly.
Jundland Wastes: "YOU TWO ARE INSANE!!!" shouted Delta as she looked up at the worm writhing around trying to get a bead on the two aliens as Neva Kee used the board to make a circular spiral up the worm's massive body while Zoda used his Force Speed to rocket up the worm's side both lightsabers at the ready. The two had just reached the base of the head when the worm once more returned to the ground determined to shake them off down below. The two promptly did an about face and went the other way as the ground grew over closer as the worm was outpacing them. But right before slamming hard into the ground, the tip of tail came and Zoda slammed his lightsaber near the very end of it and was dragged underground as Neva followed him on the board. The diplomat roared as close to the Jedi as he could before launching a silver sphere at him that he caught.
"Make it count!" he shouted in reference to the thermal detonator. Zoda nodded his head.
"He's going down!" shouted the Jedi in agreement before he vanished from sight as the diplomat roared back the way he had come. He emerged from the ground and headed back to the cart that Delta was unable to start.
"He speared the stupid engine!" she said angrily. Neva Kee popped the hood and noted the hole through the battery.
"Then I'd say we're about to trade up," he stated looking off at the sandcrawler. The diplomat hopped on the board and landed it on the roof and quickly began clamping it to the hood before getting off and pushing Delta from the driver's seat. The diplomat flicked up his sunglasses and once more consulted his rangefinder of the crawler's distance.
"Oh woe is me for never installing seatbelts into this thing," the diplomat lamented.
"Why?" demanded Delta whirling to face him. "What've you got planned? And where the hell is your psychotic little friend?"
The ground abruptly exploded and Zoda came hurtling out and onto the ground covered in blood and guts.
"That answer your question?" asked the diplomat wryly and then to the Jedi. "Well?"
A roar emanated from the hole. The Jedi scrambled to his feet and headed for the cart.
"Does that answer your question?" Zoda asked as he hopped onto the back and the worm emerged from behind the cart and roared angrily at them with a huge chunk taken out of the side of it.
"So what now oh fearless leader?" asked Zoda looking at the worm. Neva Kee did some number calculations in his head before nodding his head and pulling his sunglasses back in front of his eyes.
"Oh lady of blessed acceleration don't fail us now," was all he said.
"Ah crap," said Zoda with realization as the boosters kicked in on the board and the vehicle rocketed forward as the worm came down where it had been. The vehicle picked up more and more speed as Delta screamed louder and louder, her fingers clenched tightly onto the dash while Zoda was holding onto the left rear brace that held up the roof. Neva for his part was holding onto the wheel hoping that his calculations were correct as the opened bridge of the crawler came ever closer. The worm too, but it was either be eaten or squashed as flat as a pancake.
Yet fate as always was kind to them as the roof was wrenched free from stress and it and the board took off into the stratosphere as the cart plunged into the bridge just moments before The Legend crashed into it causing the whole crawler to sway but ultimately remain upright. The worm slammed against the vehicle another time before stopping. It was injured, and it had no desire to eat a mountain of metal just to get at the two. It had waited for untold years for them to return and it could wait a little longer to get what it wanted. They would suffer first. And so it left them in peace.
Trial: "Wow," said the Judge impressed. He wasn't a fan of their actions but they was a certain dramatic flare they tended to possess that made their stories that much more interesting. Assuming they weren't lying about this whole sequence of events. The Jedi tended to embellish things and the diplomat tried to tone down their accomplishments. Yet the mountain of complaints and urban legends about the two tended to lend itself to them telling something at least very close to the truth. That Princess Delta wasn't here also seemed to indicate that she didn't want to recall what had happened.
"All in a day's work," said Zoda leaning back in the chair and whistling. Neva Kee chuckled at that before resuming his story.
Sandcrawler: The battle scarred vessel rolled across the desert headed towards Mos Eisley. On the bridge, Neva Kee was tinkering with the various bridge controls while Zoda sat on the floor in the center of the room working on some device of his own.
"Where'd the Jawas go?" inquired Delta looking around at the vacant space.
"Hiding down below I'd guess," said Neva Kee as a panel finally lit up and he began pushing buttons on it. "They'll either show up little by little or else en masse when we dump this thing at Mos Eisley."
Delta was a little concerned about this. "Does it..."
Neva Kee nodded his head. "Yeah I feel bad for the Jawas but they forgive and forget." Some chattering was heard nearby. "And here they come."
A pair of bright eyes appeared from the darkness as a whirring was also heard and from the darkness emerged two Jawas and a droid.
"Oh for-," began Zoda in agony. "NO!!!!!!!"
"Treadwell?!?!" shouted Neva stunned looking at the droid stunned. "What the hell are you doing here?!?!"
The droid whirred angrily at the two of them apparently relating some story about being captured by the Jawas while the two were gone.
"Why couldn't you have melted him?" pleaded Zoda on the verge of tears before Neva slapped him on the back of the head.
"C'mon I can use you," said the diplomat directing him towards the immobile cart. The droid moved forward glad to be of help while the Jawas bolted. Zoda just shook his head and resumed his work on his device unabated.
"And what're you doing?" inquired Delta at the Jedi's work.
"Trying to figure out where the board went," answered the Jedi. "That thing is my only amusement on this dustball and I intend on finding it."
The Jedi continued tinkering with a hydrospanner as Neva Kee had hooked Treadwell up to the battery of the cart.
"Okay let's see if we've got a charge," said the diplomat as Treadwell began pouring juice into it. "Hey Zoda I need your help I forgot my voltage meter."
The Jedi saw what the two were doing and nodded. He walked up to the battery, licked his fingers, attached it to the negative prong and was instantly electrocuted before collapsing on the ground.
"Wha," said Delta in shock as Neva Kee calmly looked at the battery.
"Nuts," he stated disappointed before noticing Delta's stare. "If the battery was really working he'd have been launched across the room. Unfortunately I can't really determine the extent of the damage and so it'll have to be replaced."
"Hey Neva," said Zoda mischievously. "Help me up."
The diplomat wasn't sure what he was up to but nodded his head and held out his hand and grabbed Zoda's only for the residual energy in Zoda's body to course into him and knock him down.
"Wha-ha, ha, ha," laughed the Jedi pleased with himself. "Victory is mine!"
The diplomat yanked a club from his bag and used it as a type of grounding rod before putting it back.
"Hmmph," said the diplomat noncommittally before turning to face Delta who had taken a seat on the opposite end of the bridge. He then looked at Zoda who nodded in agreement and the two sat up on the console and faced her.
"So is it smooth sailing to Mos Eisley?" asked Delta trying to break the silence. The diplomat shrugged.
"Perhaps," said the diplomat noncommittally. "But I have a question."
"Really?" said Delta a little nervous. "What?"
"Why are Mandalorians after you?" asked the diplomat.
"Because they are," said Delta. "I don't know why."
"I'll bet you don't," said the Jedi with a dark smile. "Because not just anyone can hire a Mandalorian, they have to pay and pay through the roof. So that means that you must have pissed off someone very badly. So who is it?"
"Nobody," said Delta angrily as she curled her legs up to her chest and twisted away from them on the chair. "I don't know who is after me."
"Uh-huh," said the Jedi unconvinced crossing his arms and leaning back against one of the few intact pieces of glass. Delta looked at them accusatorily before the two aliens just shook their heads in shame. So she turned to face the console behind her and hoped that was it.
"So where's daddy?" asked Zoda pointedly as Delta froze in her seat.
"I-I don't know," she responded.
"Terrific," said Zoda disappointed. "Guess that means we aren't getting paid because daddy blew the money hiring Mandalorians to hunt you down."
Delta didn't have a response to that.
"Fu-," began Zoda in frustration as he threw up his hands in frustration.
"CAN IT!" shouted Neva to silence him from further outbursts. "We were headed towards Mos Eisley anyway so it's not that big of a deal. Chances are some other disaster would have befallen us instead."
"Yeah but busting heads without being paid?" said Zoda ecstatic. "That's so…Jedi. Bleh."
"But you are a-," began Delta interceding.
"Don't remind me!" said Zoda peeved. "The only thing I have in common with those screwballs is that I don't kill people."
Delta blinked at that. "Then those Mandalorians…"
"Will be back assuming I haven't scared them off," said Zoda reaching into his jacket and retrieving an apple that he began thoughtfully chewing on. "Which is why we'd better get this bucket up to full speed now."
The two aliens leapt off the console and raced around the room pressing various buttons as the sandcrawler surged forward in a burst of speed.
Nearby: Jabba's Sail Barge made its way slowly across the Jundland Wastes, also headed towards Mos Eisley. The Hutt had decided he needed a vacation away from this hellhole but his ship had been damaged in the firefight with the barge and it was in for repairs. So he was going to Mos Eisley to get a ship off of this rock. But until then, he could just sit lazily starring off into space.
"Oh look a sandcrawler," commented the Hutt wistfully at the distant vehicle before turning to face his crew. "Get to Mos Eisley before that thing or you all die."
The crew burst into action as the Sail Barge too accelerated forward on its path.
Trial: "And the bit about Jabba's barge is relevant to all of this," said IG-24 finally chiming in on the proceedings.
"Undoubtedly," Zoda assured him. "For better…"
"…Or worse," concluded Neva Kee. "Which is more often than not in the case of us."