Anguirus111 Note: If this chapter and the eventual next seems too much like Speed Racer it's because I saw the movie and really enjoyed it. Oh and for an interesting tidbit, the idea of Neva Kee and Zoda getting mixed up in a podrace was originally supposed to take place on Sullust in Galactic Golfing Chronicles with them having to tee off as podracers went racing by them and then they'd join the race. But it didn't pan out so here it is. Oh and I'm not original so I'm listing all the racers from Ep. I. It's easier that way for all of us. And if I ever write a third Neva Kee and Zoda story, either it'll be insanely serious, be rated M for foul language, or have it be like this except dealing exclusively with podracing because this chapter was a blast to write.
Moisture Farm: Zoda and part of his 'crew' were hammering away at the podracer, slowly turning it from junk to recognizable vehicle. Nearby Neva Kee was servicing the vaporators while explaining his work to the rest of the students. Keira watched them both, her chin resting on Treadwell's head, smiling. These were the Neva Kee and Zoda that she knew, that the rest of the galaxy didn't. They weren't the scourges of the galaxy, they genuinely helped people. But her thoughts were interrupted by an obtuse shadow falling over her from behind.
"I'm here to see Neva Kee and Zoda," came a gruff voice, a gruff Huttese voice. Keira tensed up and was about to spin around and face the Hutt when a clicking noise was heard of a blaster rifle being cocked. Keira slowly held up her hands as Neva Kee and Zoda noticed the commotion and approached her.
"Something wrong?" asked Neva not seeing who was behind her or noticing the shadow.
"Oh…nothing," said Keira annoyed at their flippancy. Both looked at her strangely and then leaned past her on both sides and saw the creature behind her. Their eyes widened and both tried to bolt when a gigantic blur scooped them both up in a big bear hug.
"Hi guys, hi!" said the Hutt exuberantly as he shook them all around. Keira eyed the Hutt bewildered as the Hutt continued happily shaking them before setting them down with spirals in their eyes.
"Hello Zobba," said both finally. The Hutt's tail spun around and deposited his luggage next to him that he had left behind to hug the two aliens.
"Betcha thought I wasn't coming didn't ya?" said the Hutt with a big grin. "Well here I am at last!"
"And what…'philanthropic' venture are you up to this time?" asked Zoda raising a non-existent eyebrow. Zobba blinked his wide eyes at them.
"Well you know it's always for a good cause," said the Hutt truthfully. Zoda and Neva Kee had to nod reluctantly at that, they knew it was.
Trial: "A helpful Hutt?" asked the Judge looking at Zobba curious. The Hutt nodded his head.
"Strange but true," he admitted. "I just don't have the same overwhelming desire to acquire wealth as my fellow Hutts."
Moisture Farm: "I need you to…make sure someone doesn't finish the Boonta Eve Classic," said the Hutt sheepishly. He was relaxing next to the lounge table that had been set up with umbrella as Neva Kee, Keira, and Zoda listened to his proposal.
"Permanently or…," began Keira suspiciously. The three aliens looked at her before all began laughing at that idea.
"We're mercenaries, bounty hunters, you name it but we're not assassins," said Zoda bluntly.
"And I don't hire people to kill people," said the Hutt holding up his right hand. "Umm, what kind of honor did you say that was?"
"Scout's honor," answered Neva Kee lightly. The Hutt smiled his big happy grin. Keira turned to the other two aliens.
"You can't be serious," she stated. "Is he for real?"
The two aliens looked at each other.
"Didn't we just establish that last scene at the trial?" they both asked in unison.
Keira blinked. "What?!"
"What?" asked both in repetition. "Anyway…"
"Will ya do it?" asked the Hutt hopefully. The two aliens scratched their heads.
"It'd better be that important," both decided. The Hutt nodded.
"It always is," he agreed before looking at the podracer. "Now let's have a look at this machine of yours. I may be willing to invest in it…"
Later: The podracer was looking better all the time, Keira noted. It was gradually turning into a y-shaped racer with a small body directly attached to two honking engines. The craft was unusual in that it wasn't the engines dragging the pod via cables the engines were behind it. Why that was, Keira could only guess because Zoda wasn't admitting to anything behind the design.
"So your name is Zobba?" asked Keira sipping her lemonade. The Hutt nodded.
"That's right," said the Hutt. "It's not fancy but it gets the job done."
An explosion on top of the podracer sent Zoda hurtling through the sky as he snapped his fingers and his surfboard roared to him and he flew back to the ground. Keira cocked an eyebrow while looking at Zobba out of the corner of her eye.
"Originality is dead," the Hutt commented in regards to their similar names. Keira sipped her drink in agreement as Zoda's class ran from the Jedi who was now chasing after them on the surfboard.
Later still: The podracer had finally gotten all of the dents out of it and was finally sleek and smooth. The students were now applying blue and silver paint to the podracer. …A color scheme identical to a certain diplomat.
"Oh great," said Neva depressed. The pamphlet he held told the name of all the racers participating in the Boonta Eve and directly at the bottom read: Neva Kee: Farwan & Glott FG 8T8 Twin-Block 2 Special.
"I wish I was the one going," said Zoda wistfully. Neva snapped his head to look at him.
"You were the one who put in the entry form!" he stated. Zoda nodded.
"Yeah, unfortunately the teacher's union bars me from podracing," said Zoda shrugging his shoulders helplessly as he dug his hands into his robe pockets.
"I'll bet it does," Neva commented ruefully. The two turned to face the Hutt.
"And who is it I'm supposed to knock off?" asked Neva unhappy, turning to the Hutt. Zobba produced a large dossier that he handed to the diplomat who fell down because of the weight.
"Name's Wantan Eiken," said Zobba as Neva Kee dug out a photo of Devlikk. "Gun runner, assassin, you name it. Anyway, he's been provoking armed conflict on the planet Sepa where I do some non-profit work and lately he's gotten himself into financial issues by buying up all these weapons. He needs to place in the Boonta Eve or he'll be out of business."
"Peachy," said Neva Kee nonplussed reading about the civil war.
"So…good luck," said the Hutt as he bolted off to the grand stands. The podracer was just being finished at the last minute and just under the wire as the other pods were being dragged to their starting positions.
"Don't let the paint splash you in the eyes Enkidu," said Zoda with a grin and an evil laugh.
"Up yours Zathura," came the diplomat's response as he slapped on his goggles and was lifted up to the cockpit on Zoda's flying surfboard and hopped. Zoda shot him the peace sign and then rocketed away leaving Neva Kee to cough on the sand and exhaust. When it cleared, Neva found a lightsaber resting on his lap. The diplomat eyed it curiously before stowing it away and looked forward because the race was about to begin.
"Oh lady of blessed acceleration don't fail me now," said the diplomat as the counter hit zero and he slammed on the accelerator and the craft leapt forward for the race while also chasing after Wantan Eiken's racer.
Space: Both sides of the Sepan Civil War descended on the planet to eek out their revenge on Wantan Eiken.
Pit Stop: "So here you go Trixie, go nuts!" said Zoda. The students, the Jedi, and the Hutt were standing next to a T-16 Skyhopper.
"Who, what?" asked Keira again confused by Zoda's lingo. Zoda groaned.
"Just get in that thing and go give Neva a flying eye report," the Jedi stated irate. Keira nodded her head.
"Right," she said and got in and the vehicle tore into the sky. The Jedi then turned to the others.
"The rest of you stooges; let's try and turn yourselves into a functional pit stop crew," he ordered. The pit droids assigned to them had fled in fear upon seeing Zoda and had yet to return. And now Zoda did the same as his class once more chased after him, this time around the stadium. Zobba watched them go, clearly amused, before turning his attention to his handheld LCD displaying the race.
Race track: Podracers zipped across the Waldo Flats as Keira followed above in her T-16 skyhopper.
"Careful Neva, Fud Sang's coming up on your right," said Keira from above. Down below, Neva Kee carefully drifted to the right to get a view at the prisoner's racer.
"Roger Trixie," said Neva as he smiled inwardly at Keira's resultant groan as he straightened out his racer. Soon the blue and black engines of Fud's racer were seen edging up past Neva's engines.
"And Aldar Beedo on the left," commented Keira as blue and white engines appeared on the other side. Three blue podracers raced across the open desert as more competed all around them.
"The blue meanies, fantastic," said Neva unhappy. The two podracers inched closer and closer on the sides as Neva Kee reached for the accelerator.
"They're squeezing now!" shouted Keira. Neva hit the accelerator and the craft leapt forward as the two podracers slammed into each other behind him and then straight into the ground.
"Heh, heh, suckers," said the diplomat pleased as he lined up behind Teemto Pagalies. And then laser fire rained down from the heavens as Sepan fighters and capital cruisers descended on the race firing at anyone and everyone.
Pit Stop: "Uh-oh," said Zobba as Sepan craft were seen arcing overhead and explosions littered the atmosphere. Zoda and his students stopped their chase and also looked up at the sky along with the other race participants.
"Alright students," said Zoda all business. "Now it's time to put my class on 'war and you' into action. Get down to the pit stop and hook up with Zobba and then get ready for some action, Neva's podracer is likely going to be taking some serious damage so ready the self-healing metal solutions."
"And where will you be?" a student asked curiously. The Jedi stuck his pointer finger and thumb into his mouth and whistled loudly.
"Around," said the Jedi as he leapt into the air and onto his flying surfboard as it tore off down the racetrack.
Race: Keira was now juking and jinking left and right as laser blasts, torpedoes, and craft came crashing down all around her.
"It's like a war up here!" she shouted. Down below, Teemto's engines exploded from stray laser blasts and his pod went rolling off after it hit the ground.
"Well it's no picnic down here either!" shouted the diplomat as he was now situating next to Mars Guo's massive engines. He nearly avoided a collision as the other pod avoided a piece of flaming wreckage from Teemto's engines.
"Hey Kay, you're still supposed to be watching out for me!" said the diplomat as Ebe Endocott's pod leapfrogged over his and slammed down in front of him causing the diplomat to nearly spin out.
"Hey screw you, I got my own problems!" said Keira as a pair of Sepan fighters roared after her. "What I need right now-."
"Is a hero!" came a voice over the comm. as Zoda came rocketing forward from between the rising twin suns, lightsabers extended on both sides as he ripped past Keira's T-16 and with a couple of slashes took both Sepan fighters out of commission. The Jedi did a quick spin on his board and zipped past Keira as more Sepan fighters chased after him.
"Can you handle yourself now Kay?" asked Zoda as he did a spin to avoid their laser blasts. Keira grumbled some swear words under her breath and then quickly spun the vehicle on its axis and knocked away a fighter that spun out of control nearly taking out Zoda in the process.
"Right on," said Zoda with a grin as he looked at her from behind his shades. His board then soared off towards the ground. For her part, Keira activated the vehicle's lasers and began shooting at everything that flew as Sepan fighters arced the sky shooting at the podracers and each other.
Ground: Bozzie Baranta, Bullseye Navior, and Slide Paramita rocketed through Beggar's Canyon as Ebe Endocott's racer wiped out against one of the walls through which Neva Kee whipped through the flames followed by Mars Guo and Gasgano.
"I guess they were right," said Neva as laser blasts blasted rocks from the top of the canyon to the racers below. "These racers are brutal but they stop for nothing, wind, rain, snow…or civil wars."
"That's what makes the sport so fun," said a voice from directly behind him. The voice startled the diplomat and he almost lost control of his pod. Neva shuddered as he tried to calm himself before briefly glancing behind him and seeing Zoda on his board directly above the back of his pod and between his two engines.
"Must you do that?!" demanded Neva to the Jedi, his attention once more on the race. Zoda thought about it.
"Yeah," was his conclusion as Neva groaned. The pod emerged into the desert plain and then into arch canyon.
"So where's this racer we're supposed to take out?" asked the Jedi curious, looking around.
"He's in first place," responded the diplomat wiping sweat from his forehead and trying to hold on to the increasingly slippery controls. Zoda nodded and looked around once more.
"And umm, where are we?" came the inevitable question. Neva braced himself for the response.
"Eighth," he stated calmly. But the annoyed response never came, instead the sound of screws being removed was heard and alarms blipped on Neva's console.
"What are you doing?" said the diplomat turning to face the Jedi who had produced a small metal cylinder over the now exposed energy transfer device between the two engines.
"Time to kick things up a notch," said Zoda as Keira's T-16 whipped overhead.
"Don't you dare!" shouted Neva Kee. Zoda's smile crept up his cheeks before he grabbed a handhold on the pod.
"Better buckle up!" he shouted and slammed the device into the power coupler.
Above: Keira watched in astonishment as Neva's engines exploded with power resulting in twin engine flames that blew away Mars Guo and Gasgano in its wake. Time seemed to stop for a moment as the podracer built up power and then erupted forward leaving trails of fire behind it. The craft moved so fast it literally seemed to be phase through the three pods in front of it and keep going off unto the horizon and then vanished from sight.
"Wow," said Keira in awe before having to avoid more Sepan fighters as she tried to track where they had vanished off to.
Elsewhere: Two dropships from the opposing sides of the war surreptitiously landed and both disgorged a single podracer, both of which joined the race intent on destroying Wantan Eiken….and each other.
Jag Crag Gorge: The Farwan & Glott FG 8T8 Twin-Block 2 Special hurtled out its hyper-induced state and continued at its normal speed of several thousand miles an hour. Neva Kee's face was almost permanently frozen in fear and was smeared back from the whiplash as Zoda sat on the back breathing heavily as he had held onto the pod for dear life. It took the two a couple of moments, and miraculously they didn't hit anything, but they slowly regained their senses.
"…And…that…is…why…the…engines…are…on…the…back!" Zoda coughed out as he still laid there dazed. Neva also came to and regained control of the vehicle and avoided some bad rock outcroppings.
"I hate you," the diplomat declared. The Jedi nodded and then snapped alert and extended his lightsaber as he began fighting off laser blasts from Tusken Raiders hiding in the canyon dune turn. Ahead of them, Toy Dampner and Elan Mak raced behind Wantan Eiken while directly behind were Ark "Bumpy" Roose and Ody Mandrell.
"Shouldn't you have blasted off by now?" asked Neva. The Jedi shrugged.
"My board came loose a few miles back so it'll take a bit for me to get it back," responded the Jedi yawning as he sat back down once they were past the turn.
"Hooray," responded the diplomat. His console beeped.
"What now?" Zoda asked looking at the pods behind them as the wind whipped his body.
"Must be a glitch," said the diplomat hitting his console as the pods raced across the Hutt Flats. "The number of racers just increased."
"It happens," responded the Jedi before something caught his eye. "If you'll excuse me…"
The Jedi hurtled off of the back of the pod and onto Ark "Bumpy" Roose's and then up onto an approaching Sepan fighter coming in for an attack run. Down on the ground, the two jet black Sepan podracers joined the race, nearly running Bumpy and Ody off the track.
"Hey Neva," came Ody's voice over the radio.
"Yeah," responded the diplomat.
"Who're these jokers, I don't remember them being announced over the starting lineup," came the response. Neva Kee looked at his monitor showing the two new racers.
"Good question," he responded as the Sepan fighter roared overhead trailing smoke. "Better be careful they might…"
Thermal detonators were lobbed at the two trailing racers, exploding and nearly taking them out. Neva immediately slammed on his brakes and the two new racers had to swerve to avoid him. The diplomat then slammed on the accelerator and the craft was now posited in between Ody and Bumpy as all three rocketed past the stadium to the cheers of the remaining onlookers despite the raining destruction in other areas around the track.
"And we seem to have two mysterious podracers on the track. No idea who they are but they nearly took out Ark Roose and Ody Mandrell. Though they will not receive any of the prize money should they finish the race first, in a race with no rules, they still can participate," came the voice of the race announcer.
"Terrific," said Neva Kee unhappy about it as the three podracers chased after the forward five. "Well boys, looks like we've got a fight ahead of us and here's how it's going to go. I don't care about winning all I want is to take out those two new racers along with Wantan Eiken. It's up to you if you want to help me."
"Nobody runs me off the track," Bumpy stated darkly. Though he was not quick to anger, Bumpy Roose's wrath was legendary if you managed to make him mad.
"I'm looking forward to it!" said Ody pleased to finally be getting some action. He was an adrenaline junkie just like Zoda and any chance to engage in close quarter high speed combat with another podracer was music to his ears.
"Let's go," said Neva Kee. The three podracers surged forward together.
"Begin Lap 2!" declared the announcer happily.