A/N: This chapter was inspired by the birthday of Peter Weller who turned 61 on June 24th.
The school: Zoda sat in his chair at the front of the class leafing through a magazine as the students were taking an exam. In order to discourage cheating he told them that the Force would let him know if they were. Or so he figured, he didn't know for certain if that was true but Grand Moff Tarkin always said to rule through fear of force than through actual force. Of course he wouldn't say that for a few hundred years but time was relative for himself and Neva.
But the bell snapped him out of his reverie as the students turned in their exams and left for the day. As the last one left and the sounds of landspeeders powering up was heard, Neva wandered into the classroom.
"What now Z?" he asked as Zoda picked up his guitar and absent mindedly strummed a couple notes on it. The Jedi shrugged and instead diverted his attention to the window and the suns slowly setting in the distance.
"Yeah, I know," the diplomat agreed. The urge to keep moving was strong in both of them and that they'd managed to stay in Tatooine for as long as they had already, was a miracle in and of itself.
"Well if you have any ideas I'm all ears," Neva admitted. Zoda shrugged again and headed out of the room with his guitar. The two emerged in the daylight sun and Zoda looked around curiously before turning to Neva.
"She's dealing with the Sepan's destroyed Dreadnaughts," the diplomat answered. She hadn't been happy about it, but at least the Sepans had agreed to put off their hostilities for awhile since Eiken had been arrested. Zoda for his part absently kicked a nearby can with his foot before looking at the twin suns and sighing.
…And then their attention was diverted by a strange crackling noise. The two aliens looked curiously as electricity seemed to ark all around them before coalescing in a single point.
BOOOOOOM!!
Neva Kee and Zoda were thrown off of their feet from the resulting shockwave as a strange four wheeled vehicle emerged from out of nowhere before coming to a halt near them. The vehicle was emblazing with one word on the front grill: Ford, and had a strange series of Thrust Engineering series rocket boosters and other devices sticking out of the bed on the read end. Neva Kee and Zoda eyed the car quizzically before the driver's side door opened and a scraggly brown haired man emerged from the vehicle and looked around before noticing the two aliens.
"Neva! Zoda!" he said ecstatically. "Man I'm glad to see some familiar faces this time around after leaving the eighth dimension."
"Buckaroo?" asked Neva and Zoda at a loss. Buckazoo Banzai, earthling, flashed them his trademark self-assured smile. The two aliens looked at the truck and then back.
"Where're the Hong Kong Cavaliers?" they asked in reference to Buck's band. Buck gave them a lopsided smirk this time.
"The Jet Car's not really equipped for multiple passengers and so we're trying out various Oscillation Overthrusters on larger vehicles so we can jam across the cosmos and dimensions," Buck answered. "Speaking of which…"
Buck took Zoda's guitar, played a few notes and then tightened the tuners at the top of his guitar before handing it back to him.
"Thanks," the Jedi admitted before slinging it behind him. "But how did you find us out of all the places you could've gone to across the multiverse?"
"Beats me," conceded Buck. "I'm interested in finding out, but at the same time it's just as well since I can't recall the last time we went on an adventure together."
"Uh-huh," said Neva deadpan. Buck's head dropped.
"Those poor Zorgons," he admitted. "But you were right about Yoyodyne. The Lectroids did come when I first test fired this baby."
Zoda shot him a thumb's up briefly.
"Well I'm parched, got anything to drink?" asked Buckaroo noting the scorching desert air.
"Not around here," Neva commented. Buckaroo turned his attention to Mos Mos.
"There perhaps?" he inquired with a knowing grin. The two aliens nodded and all three piled into the Jet Car as Buckaroo threw it into gear and roared off towards the town. As it did, it passed Keira in her hovercar that was headed towards the school. The insurance investigator eyed the vehicle oddly before sighing and throwing the hovercar around and roaring after them.
"Hey Z?" asked Buckaroo looking at the hovercar through the rearview mirror. "Want to give them a run for their money?"
"But wouldn't the Oscillation Overthruster…," began Neva. Banzai shook his head.
"No, it needs to recharge but the rocket engine works just fine," commented the neurosurgeon. "So let's rock and roll!"
Zoda tightened his seatbelt as Neva did the same and then Zoda reached out with his hand and used the Force to flick the ignition switch as the jet engine roared to life and the car took off at the speed of sound.
Mos Mos: Neva Kee, Zoda and Buckaroo were in the bar as Zoda ate hungrily and Neva just sat there with his water and Buckaroo was sampling the various drinks and foods.
"So this is the galaxy where you're from?" said Buckaroo looking around. "Very…alieny."
"At least you didn't go mad like the last earthling who somehow found their way here," Neva commented. "We had to drop him off in an insane asylum back on Earth."
"Even despite A New Hope?" Buckaroo pointed out. "I'd think with a film based on the events that happened here…"
"Only Baron Papanoida is sane enough to walk in both worlds," Neva revealed before seeing Buckaroo's doubtful expression. "If we were to stay too long on Earth we'd go mad and you will too if you stay here too long."
"If you say so," said Buckaroo doubtful. At that point Keira entered into the bar, sand caked all over her body.
"Why did you two take off in such a hurry?" she demanded in a huff. Buckaroo leaned forward.
"That was partially my fault, sorry," he apologized before adding smoothly. "But if I'd known such a lovely lady was onboard…"
Keira cocked an eyebrow at him before leaning close to Zoda. "Is he on the level?"
"More or less," the Jedi answered taking a sip from his drink. Buckaroo looked thoughtful at her rejection of him.
"Why didn't that work? Usually when I say that line, a woman becomes as smooth as butter," he declared, very un-PC.
"You're not in your home universe, that's why," answered Neva. "That and Keira doesn't seem like she'd just swoon over anybody."
"Nuts," said Buckaroo disappointed. "So what else is there to see around here?"
"Well we could…," began Neva when Buckaroo immediately got up.
"Just a minute," he said, taking Zoda's axe and then got on stage and pushed the Bith bandleader to the side. He then spoke some words to the band and then busted out in a lengthy guitar riff as the Biths played along. The crowd instantly got into it by clapping and cheering.
"So is this rock and roll?" asked Keira curious. Neva Kee and Zoda nodded.
"Straight from Earth and the Hong Kong Cavaliers," they both stated. Buckaroo finished up his set and waved to the audience who wanted to hear more. But, he ultimately backed down and got off the stage as the Bith returned to their normal music.
"Sorry, opportunity was knocking," Buckaroo apologized. Neva and Zoda nodded.
"You're always so good at fitting in," Neva Kee observed. Buckaroo smiled.
"Like I always say," he started. "No matter where you go, there you are."
"Yeah, yeah," Zoda grumbled. "Let's just go."
The trio paid for their food and then left with Keira and all got near the Jet Car as Zoda chased off the Jawas eyeing it before returning to the vehicle.
"So how are we supposed to get you home?" asked Neva leaning against the driver's side door as Zoda leaned against the passenger side door.
"I've thought about that while I was onstage," Buckaroo admitted. "I think it's almost like a zipper being dragged across like a magnet. In fact…"
Before Buckaroo could finish, electricity arced through the air around the truck. Zoda and Neva Kee looked around curiously when the electricity started wrapping around them.
"Get down!" shouted Buckaroo tackling Keira as the electricity shot towards the truck and a massive explosion ripped through the air of Mos Mos blowing sand and debris everywhere. Keira coughed heavily as Buckaroo looked around trying to gauge their surroundings as the sand and debris cleared.
"No…," said Keira with a feeling of dread. Neva Kee, Zoda and the Jet Car had vanished from the city street, leaving only a smoking rear license plate from the car itself.
Trial: "I'm guessing you didn't die," the Judge said dryly.
"A shame," quipped IG-24, resting his conical head against his hand on his new desk.
"Yeah, we didn't," Neva agreed. "Though if we had, Galactic Law no longer allows trials for ghosts."
"Ha, ha, screw you litigious Force ghosts!" said Zoda pleased.
"So where did you wind up?" asked the Judge.
"Well, it wasn't so much a where but a when," the diplomat answered mysteriously.
Tatooine: "What the?" commented Zoda looking around confused. Citizens were running everywhere for their lives as Sentinel-class landing craft soared overhead.
"Zoda, we're not in Kansas anymore," Neva Kee stated. "Let's get out of here while we still can."
The two quickly switched spots so Neva hopped into the passenger seat and Zoda the driver's side as he threw the car into gear with the Force and it took off out of the city limits and onto the open desert.
"Back to the school?" asked Zoda. Neva shook his head as laser blasts tore overhead with four X-Wings moving past followed by several Tie Fighters.
"No, head for Mos Eisley and step on it," he ordered. Zoda slammed the switch and the rocket engines activated and the vehicle blasted off towards the battle.
Some other time: Buckaroo took a sample of the scorched sand and took it over to an outside table where Keira was sitting with a chemistry set that he had charmed the storekeeper into giving him for free.
"Well the good news is that I don't believe they're dead," Buckaroo noted as he applied various chemicals to the sand and monitored the results. "I just think they got transported somewhere else, the car didn't just explode."
"By an enemy?" asked Keira, partly relieved at that prospect but still concerned nonetheless. Buckaroo shook his head.
"No, I think it has more to do with what brought me here," Buckaroo figured leaning back in his chair. "I think the Jet Car was attracted to Neva and Zoda and that when they both came into contact with the vehicle by themselves near the Oscillation Overthruster, it set it off and transported them out of here."
"I'm going to pretend that made sense," Keira stated. "So where are they now?"
"The future I guess," commented Buckaroo. "I was originally intending to travel through the Eighth Dimension, to go forward in time, but got drawn here into the past so I think the car is now there like it was supposed to be."
"So what do we do now, wait?" asked Keira mockingly. Buckaroo shrugged.
"You do insurance right? I'm sure we can do some traveling until they return or when we catch up with them," Buckaroo figured. Lightning started crackling again.
"Oh, look they're back," said Buckaroo pleased. Several humanoid creatures emerged from out of thin air with laser guns at the ready.
"Oh great…," began Buckaroo ripping a toothpick from his mouth and flicking it to the side.
Future: "Lectroids," Zoda complained. A Red Lectroid ship was crashed in the middle of Mos Eisley firing projectiles at flying X-Wings, Ties, Sentinels, and nearby AT-STs.
Trial: "Lectroids?" asked the Judge at a loss.
"To hell with Lectroids, future events are inadmissible as evidence," stated IG-24. Zoda nodded.
"Which is the crux actually of the case against us," he stated before declaring. "Mistrial!"
"Oh you're not getting off that easy!" declared IG-24. "But you screwed up in the past so continue with your story and whatever you did that affected the past is what's to be admitted to the record."
The Judge twirled the gavel in his hand. "Just out of curiosity, why is future evidence inadmissible?"
"Because these two jokers traveled into the future, got their hands on the record from a trial in the past that they were going to be in, and not only prepped for the case but prevented the events that caused the case to arise in the first place!" declared IG-24, steamed both inside and out.
"Lectroids?" asked the Judge for his original question.
"Beings from the eighth dimension," answered Zoda. "Neva and I accidentally broke into their dimension awhile back and then Buckaroo had his own separate encounter with them. By having being in there, and the Jet Car having gone through it, it got attracted to us like a zipper being pulled by a magnet due to the radiation the eighth dimension gives off. Then we touched the car and it bounced us to when the Lectroids had also appeared in this galaxy."
The Judge turned to IG-24. "So we can admit that the Lectroids exist."
"Evidently, given that something invaded Mos Mos during the time period they specified," IG-24 was forced to admit.
"Continue," ordered the Judge.
The past: Buckaroo and Keira ran around a corner as laser blasts ripped past them. Buckaroo pulled out his six-shooter and fired off a couple shots before the gun clicked empty. Buckaroo snapped the chamber open and found nothing before fishing around in his pocket and revealing a single bullet.
"You got any more?" asked Buckaroo referring to the bullet. Keira shrugged.
"Depends," she answered. "What's that?"
"Great," Buckaroo groaned before snapping the chamber back into place and firing off one last shot and holstering the weapon.
"Got a gun?" asked Buckaroo. Keira snapped out a blaster and twirled it on her finger before handing it to Buckaroo who looked it over.
"Oh what the hell," he stated and then fired, only to completely miss the target. "And this is going to take some getting used to."
Keira and Buckaroo ran off.
Future: An AT-ST went up in a geyser of flames before plummeting to the ground. Just before it hit the ground, the Jet Car rocketed by underneath it and into the city proper. Around them, regular civilians streamed by in their vehicles or on foot to leave the city. The more disreputable members though either looted the city or attacked the downed Lectroid ship. A trio of Y-Wings flew in overhead and carpet bombed the entire area before pulling off into a stationary pattern overhead as laser blasts routinely surged out of the Lectroid ship into the air around it.
"Pull over here," ordered Neva Kee as a wall of flames ripped from one side of the roadway to the next. Zoda drove the Jet Car into a nearby alley and the vehicle came to a halt before both hopped out and went back onto the street.
"Better pocket the Oscillation Overthruster," Neva declared as Zoda ran back and retrieved the device from the vehicle and returned. The two then walked down the road towards the Lectroid ship. Zoda pulled out his hilts but Neva stopped him before he could activate them.
"Until we know when we are, you're not flashing off any Jedi powers," declared Neva. "The last thing I need is Darth Vader dropping in on us."
Zoda twirled around his hilts. "I could take him."
Neva laughed before adding ruefully. "I'll bet you could."
Zoda blinked at him. "You doubt I could do it?"
"What I think doesn't matter," Neva declared. "The point is that Luke Skywalker defeats Darth Vader and I'm not going to risk you screwing that up and plunge the galaxy into an alternate reality. I'm not going to go into the last alternate reality you created because it didn't end well."
Zoda's head snapped towards him at that as they quietly entered into the Lectroid ship.
"What was wrong with The Wrath of Zoda?" demanded the eponymous title character.
"That was not how Ep. I should've been," Neva declared as they walked down various corridors. Zoda rolled his eyes at that.
"That was apologized for in the sequel!" the Jedi declared. It was now Neva's turn to grimace.
"Don't bring up that story either," he ordered. "They were both stupid, the sequel more so than the former."
The two paused as they briefly hid from a group of Lectroids and then resumed their course.
"You're just mad because you weren't in either one," the Jedi decided. Neva nodded.
"It's one redeeming feature," he agreed. "Now let's find their overthruster and kick them back home to their own dimension."
"Right on," agreed the Jedi as they continued their walk.
Past: Keira capped off a couple of shots as Buckaroo ran around the various junk dealers looking for some bullets.
"Nothing!" he complained bitterly, despite himself. "Some of the stuff in those places looks completely ancient based on the carbon scoring, yet still no bullets. Neva was right, this place will drive you mad after awhile."
"Perhaps," Keira decided. "But I love it here all the same. Earth is where all the madness is."
"Yeah…," began Buckaroo as a laser blast ripped off a chunk of durasteel near them. "How did you get there, with Neva and Zoda?"
Keira nodded as the two moved down a couple of alleyways before the two hid in an entryway as a Lectroid shuttle moved past overhead.
"I wonder…," Buckaroo considered. "Do they have a place around here?"
Keira nodded as the two continued onwards. "Yeah, out at their farm."
"I need to get there now," Buckaroo insisted. "Besides, it'd lessen civilian casualties if we're out of the city."
"Right," said Keira agreeing with him. The two made their way back to the bar and quickly got into the landspeeder and took off, the Lectroids having recognized their enemy and were ready to eliminate him.
"I have a theory," Buckaroo decided as a laser blast ripped off a chunk of the dirt next to them. "I'm betting these jokers followed me on by path through the eighth dimension but Neva and Zoda interrupted the experiment and their group must've been split in half. The early foot soldiers and their pod wound up in this time frame and I think their ship wound up in some other time, which is where Neva and Zoda just bounced off to."
"Do you get paid for making this nonsense up?"
Buckaroo groaned. "Just keep driving."
Future: Neva Kee and Zoda had just reached the Oscillation Overthruster when a group of Lectroids surrounded them.
"Hey Johnnies, what's up?" asked Zoda twirling out his lightsabers and holding them at the ready.
"Zoda, Neva Kee," acknowledged John Two-Step. "It's been awhile. Whatever your plans are, they won't work."
Zoda meanwhile was now concentrating on the Oscillation Overthruster. And then his concentration stopped.
"He's right, let's go," Zoda declared. Neva nodded and the two hurried out the door to the surprise of John and his fellow aliens.
"Stop-!" began the Lectroid when…
CRRRAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
The Jet Car crashed through the side wall and came to a halt with Neva and Zoda in it.
"Honk, honk!" declared the Jedi sticking his head out the window before slamming on the horn.
"You won't win Jedi!" declared John Two-Step as he and the other Lectroids covered their ears. And then silence abruptly fell on the room before a beam shot out from the Jet Car and onto the Oscillation Overthruster on the Lectroid ship.
"Game over," began Zoda with a maniacal grin on his face.
"You loose!" finished Neva. The beam linked the two Overthrusters together and the whole kit and caboodle was flung back into the eighth dimension.
The past: Laser blasts tore up the area around the moisture farm as Treadwell zoomed around the vaporators for its own safety.
"Guess they're never getting off the planet now," Keira lamented as a vaporator exploded. She was hiding just inside the passageway to the underground living area as Buckaroo tore the place apart looking for bullets.
"You have got to be kidding me, where are they?" demanded Buckaroo getting frustrated with each turn. Keira watched him go at it briefly before returning her attention to the maelstrom outside.
"I don't think they even own any of whatever it is you're looking for," she commented. The insurance agent then capped off a couple of shots to keep the Lectroid Pod from vaporizing Treadwell. Treadwell then raced into the open entryway and landed in a heap on the bottom of the living area.
"Pod's coming down," Keira noted looking out at the Lectroid ship. It set down and Keira readied herself for a last stand as Buckaroo picked up a rock off the ground and held it in his hand.
"Just like the Alamo," stated Buckaroo and then clarified for Keira. "Last stand for a group of Texans against Santa Anna. They all died. Well…most of them. I imagine they'll let Treadwell go in our case."
"Alamo?" Keira stated thinking hard. "With David Crockett, Jim Bowie, and William Travis?"
"How did you know that?" Buckaroo demanded as the Lectroids piled out of their ship and assumed marching ranks.
"Neva and Zoda would sometimes talk about how they were both there," she revealed. "They had to take off before the final battle because finding two dead alien bodies would've thrown the whole world into chaos."
"Interesting," said Buckaroo before nodding at the troops. "Here they-!"
THHHOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!
An explosion tore through the air once more throwing sand and dust into the heavens before the Jet Car ripped through it and came to a halt right in front of the two of them, the Lectroid pod and its crew sucked back to their home dimension.
"And where've you two been?" demanded Keira not missing a beat. Zoda had a bag of potato chips that he was slowly eating.
"Getting groceries," he answered nonchalantly as Neva took out a paper bag full of food. "And don't worry Buckaroo because it's got a full tank of gas and rocket fuel."
"Good," said Buckaroo walking past them and getting into the vehicle. "Well thanks for one more exciting adventure across the eighth dimension."
Neva Kee and Zoda both gave him a light salute and headed for the farm exhausted.
"Oh and Keira, last chance to come with," Buckaroo offered with a mild grin. Keira chuckled to herself.
"Go to hell," she said lightly. Buckaroo laughed.
"You may go to hell, I will go to Texas," he quoted, watching Neva Kee and Zoda. It got the reaction he expected as both froze in their tracks.
"I expect to hear that story sometime," he declared before jetting off and re-entering the eighth dimension for home. And Buckaroo Banzai was gone. Keira shrugged it off and joined the two aliens.
"Those Lectroids aren't coming back are they?" she asked. Both shook their heads as Zoda produced a small device from his robe.
"We made off with their Overthruster," he answered and the two entered into the hut in silence. Keira followed confused at their attitude as down below, the two lifted up Treadwell.
"Buckaroo was looking for some bullets but he couldn't find any and I didn't know where they were," she revealed as the place was torn apart. Neva and Zoda both smirked at that.
"He just asked the wrong individual then," they stated cryptically. And then shotguns, handguns, and bullets all appeared in compartments that popped out of Treadwell. Keira was surprised at that, and then figured that was why Treadwell had all the weaponry to begin with. And then just like that the weaponry was gone, back into the robot.
"So…," began Neva as he began straightening out the place and Zoda began working on the Oscillation Overthruster. "What'd we miss?"