Farm: Neva, Zoda, Keira, and Treadwell all sat clustered around the main table as the diplomat ascertained their monetary situation.
"Well on a more positive note we're doing better than I expected," he concluded. The diplomat had on a clear plastic visor and a pair of glasses to imitate the stereotypical accountant.
"Which is where exactly?" asked Keira ruefully.
"Broke," the diplomat admitted with a broad grin, leaning back in his chair. Treadwell's eye units dropped at that.
"So what now?" continued Keira. "That teaching job sure didn't pay very well."
"Which reminds me, we owe the Professor a final lecture at some point," Zoda chimed in. Neva nodded and then clasped his hands in front of his face as all thought about what they could do to increase their monetary assets.
"We could always sell Keira into slavery," Zoda offered. Keira didn't even dignify that with a response as her head slumped onto the table defeated.
"Treadwell for parts?" figured Zoda. Treadwell quickly spun his treads but that was it from the robot.
"Old Faith-," began Zoda when Neva snapped his attention to look at him.
"You leave that vaporator alone!" he declared. That got a stifled giggle out of Keira, whose head was still on the table. With no other options, Neva came to the only conclusion he could.
"Let's go golfing," he declared as the two grabbed their clubs and headed for the exit as Keira grabbed hers and Treadwell watched them leave, saddened.
"You coming TW?" asked Zoda offhand. The robot chased after them, but as it emerged into the sunlight, it noticed the others were confronted by a robed individual.
"Are you Neva Kee and Zoda?" said the individual. Neva nodded and Zoda just extended his dueling sabers in response.
"That's right," said Neva with diplomacy. "How can we help you?"
"Are you still in the employ of ZOD?" asked the person. It was a reference to Zoda On Demand, Neva and Zoda's multipurpose company that primarily handled construction.
"From time to time," Neva revealed. "Are you in need of some form of…"
"Material location and retrieval," the individual asserted and then produced a briefcase. "First payment in advance as required."
The briefcase fell on the ground and then slid over invisible towards Zoda who popped it open and began counting the credits. He then did some calculations in his head and then shut the suitcase shut.
"Unfortunately, at the moment we're rather confined to Tatooine," Neva was forced to admit. The individual nodded.
"Yes, we have been appraised of your situation and the target is indeed located on this planetary body," the individual revealed. The next thing the individual produced from their robes was a dossier that they handed to Neva Kee who opened it up and looked at the documents intently. The images on them displayed an ancient relic upon which Neva immediately snapped the dossier closed.
"We're not wasting out time on a wild bantha chase," he declared and prepared to leave when the individual spoke up.
"We know where it is, we need you to go and get it. Though we are aware if it's not there, that the upfront fee is still yours," the individual mentioned. Neva Kee and Zoda snapped on their shades and left.
"Aren't you going to ask who I'm working for?" asked the individual. Neva turned and slowly shook his head.
"No, but if I find out you're using this totem for wrong, you'll regret it," he said harshly. Zoda twirled his lightsabers in his hands and then shut them off before the quartet boarded the golf cart and it roared off leaving the robed person behind.
Trial: "What kind of Totem?" asked the Judge curious. Neva looked up at him sadly.
"Think about the situation we're in now and think about what ancient relic on Tatooine might be related," the diplomat pointed out. After a couple moments thought, all the color drained from the Judge's face.
"Oh…," said the Judge about to be sick. "I think we should take a brief recess while I compose myself."
"Your honor I-," began IG-24 wanting to protest when the Judge glared daggers at him. The droid silently backed down.
"Can I trust you two not to go anywhere?" the Judge asked of the two defendants. Zoda shot him a slick smile.
"In this storm?" he asked wryly as a thunderbolt was heard outside. The judge fled the courtroom to return to the study. The two aliens left the stand and followed the rest of the individuals in the room in silence to the dining hall. Everyone ordered something and then Neva Kee, Zoda and Zobba sat at IG-24's table.
"Is there something I can help you with?" the droid glowered. They each shook their heads.
"Just want to have an honest conversation is all," Neva asked for as he bit into his sandwich. IG-24s processors considered this request and then decided he had no reason to go against it.
"Very well, what is it you wish to discuss?"
"I just want to say you look a lot like IG-88," Zoda pointed out before Neva slapped him across the chest.
"Let me guess, a future model?" the droid figured, given the time travel escapade the two had just went on, it stood to reason it wasn't the first time they'd jumped through time.
"Yeah," Zoda admitted sheepishly at possibly having altered the future in some small way. "But hey, you're the first droid lawyer I know and an assassin-droid too no less."
"That is what happens when your former owner was a lawyer who made too many enemies to go without protection," the droid offered as background information.
"Yeah, I knew Starkiller back in the old days of galactic law," Neva confessed. "He was a good man, I was sad to hear of his passing."
"Myself as well," Zobba agreed. "He was a good colleague…and a good friend."
Zoda was the only one silent, he merely nodded his head in assent. The Judge reappeared at their table and also took a seat.
"What're we talking about?" he inquired.
"Starkiller," Neva answered. The Judge nodded his head and then turned to Zoda.
"Was that you at his funeral or another member of your species?" he asked.
"It was me," Zoda acknowledged softly to everyone's surprise. "I…owed him a favor. He told me the only way he could collect without something bad happening was to attend his funeral. And so I did."
"Hmmm," said Neva at a loss. But it wasn't his place to pry so he didn't.
"So…since we're having some small talk maybe we can discuss where this case is headed," the Judge began as he took out his paperwork and laid it on the table. It was full of notes scribbled on them along with other pieces to help aid his decision.
"Well first I thought we'd-," began the Judge when the door to the outside burst open and wind and rain swept into the room as a drenched figure in a spandex outfit and a red mask entered into the room dragging a large piece of machinery with him.
"I have come for the crest on Birdman's helmet for I am X THE ELMINATOR!" the man cackled. Everyone looked at this newcomer briefly before returning to their conversations.
"Birdman where are you?" demanded X the Eliminator as he ran around the room looking for his nemesis, the ace attorney Harvey Birdman.
"This day just keeps getting stranger," the Judge commented before also returning to his notes. Neva meanwhile vacated his seat and went over to talk to the newcomer.
"So what are you planning to charge us with since the law doesn't exactly exist on Tatooine?" Zoda asked of IG-24 before slurping on some noodles. Neva and X had started arguing over Birdman's crest.
"Reckless endangerment mainly," the droid nonchalantly admitted. "I wish there were charges for the rest of what you did but sadly there aren't."
"Yeah, we get that a lot during court discovery against us," Zoda agreed. "Mostly we settle out of court because of how mind boggling the cases usually are."
IG-24 nodded as the Judge butted in.
"Has anyone actually tried to go forward with a case against you?" he asked. Zoda nodded.
"Tried, being the imperative word," the Jedi admitted with great reluctance. "They've mainly ended in mistrials but once we had a trial go on for a good ten years and I kept hoping the case would actually be resolved in court. But the lawyer was forced into mandatory retirement at the very end before he could give his closing argument and the case was a bust."
"Oh…," said the Judge before it hit him. "Wait, that lawyer was Starkiller wasn't it?"
Zoda tipped his head in deference to the former lawyer. X the Eliminator was now holding a plug in his hand and was desperately searching for an electrical outlet. Neva just followed him, still arguing his point, whatever it was.
"That is why I vow to crush you," said IG-24 clenching his claws shut. "No offense."
"None taken," Zoda responded. "It's what he would've wanted."
IG-24 nodded as best he could with a conical head.
The Judge looked around at the others, especially this X the Eliminator character, who had finally plugged in his cord and now as waiting for his device to slowly charge up as Neva still kept arguing with him. Based on what little could be heard, the diplomat was arguing that X was in the wrong fandom, whatever that meant.
"Oh to hell with waiting to go back to the courtroom, do you want to continue your story?" the Judge asked. Zoda shrugged.
"Sure, why not," he began. "So where were we, back at the golf cart…"
Dune Sea: "This is a mistake," the Jedi declared looking at the dossier of the totem. "This thing can only cause trouble."
"What is it?" asked Keira in the back. Zod was about to hand her the dossier when Neva stopped him.
"Let's wait until we find the thing, no use panicking you now," he stated, driving the cart towards their destination. Zoda produced his fedora from underneath the seat and placed it on his head.
"Do you even think we're going to find it?" continued the green alien. Neva thought about it.
"Maybe," he said. "Hopefully things don't end as badly as when we stumbled across those Crystal Skullian archaeologists."
Zoda looked annoyed at that. "Lousy aliens not knowing how to use a turn signal… It's not my fault I ran them out off the skies and it's a miracle we both didn't crash into El Dorado."
"Now what are you two going on about?" asked Keira with Treadwell apparently shaking its head unit in shame.
"And I fixed their stupid ship, I don't know why they were still mad at us," Zoda declared with his hands outstretched before turning to the diplomat. "What happened to them anyway after they chased us away?"
Neva blew out some air in a grunt. "They became worshipped by the local population as gods. And remember how when we briefly located the Ark of the Covenant how you wondered why R2 and 3PO were on the side wall of the Well of Souls? Take a wild guess what they did with the information they stole form our databanks."
"Figures," Zoda groaned. "They did seem to have a superiority complex about them."
Keira rolled her eyes at them before sneakily taking the dossier from between the seats and looking through it with Treadwell. The scan showed a strange blue totem sitting atop a pedestal with the label: Aquifyning Rod. And aside from a map with an X on it, that was really all there was.
"Guess we'll have to find out together," she figured as the droid nodded in agreement before she slipped the dossier back onto the front seat.
"So…," she said turning to the droid. "How's your day been?"
Treadwell looked at her silently as Keira sighed and placed her chin on her hand waiting for them to get to their destination.
Dining hall: "For the record, please don't tell us where you found the totem," the Judge pleaded. Zoda nodded as Neva unplugged X's device only for the Eliminator to wrestle it away from him and plug it in a higher outlet that Neva couldn't reach.
Later: "I guess this is it," Zoda commented as the golf cart came to a halt. A temple seemingly made entirely out of sand arose from the desert in front of them, where there had just been empty desert before.
"Oh, terrific," said Neva frustrated with this new development. Keira looked at this new development perplexed.
"I have a bad feeling about this," she felt the need to say. The two aliens looked at her from behind their shades before turning to each other.
"What do you think Marcus?" asked Zoda.
"We're screwed Indy," came the knowing response. The two looked at the temple and then Zoda turned to Treadwell.
"Pull!" he ordered. An old revolver flew out of a panel on the droid and into Zoda's hand and immediately holstered it.
"Let's go," said the Jedi. The quartet headed for the temple in silence.
Later: "So what are the odds that nobody would just accidentally stumble on this area since this totem went missing?" Keira asked as they were climbing the sand steps of the pyramid. Zoda was hovering Treadwell behind them with the Force.
"Actually, there is a rationale behind why this temple just rose up in front of us but it's really not relevant to finding the item in question," Neva answered. "And besides, this thing can only cause trouble. People don't just go looking for it unless they hire someone else to find it or are just plain stupid."
"Well that certainly sounds like us," Keira joked before sighing. "Guys, I didn't want to bring this up earlier but…"
"You've got to get going," Neva acknowledged. "It happens."
"Yeah, but…life is so mundane when you guys aren't around," she pointed out as they reached the top and ventured within.
"You can always take Treadwell with you, he's a barrel of laughs," offered Zoda. Treadwell revved his servos angrily at that statement.
"Oh cheer up at least she'd treat you better," the Jedi rebutted. Treadwell didn't have a response for that.
"I can't really afford a droid on my salary anyway," Keira admitted. The group ventured further inwards.
"Well wherever the future takes you, enjoy it," Neva advised of her looking around the various corridors while consulting his map.
"Yeah, Force be with you and all that jazz," Zoda felt the need to add. The trio continued down into the lower levels of the pyramid.
"I'm sure I'll see you two again," Keira figured. Neva shrugged.
"Maybe," he offered noncommittally. The group was now on the bottom level of the pyramid.
"This place doesn't really have a lot of traps does it?" Zoda remarked offhand. Treadwell rolled past covered in darts, arrows, and spears.
"AAAH, it's Forrestal!" shouted Zoda at him. Neva groaned before looking ahead.
"Well there's the idol at any rate," he commented. The quartet looked ahead at the blue totem.
"Why does it look like water?" asked Keira confused and apprehensive. The totem seemed to ripple, the only thing solid on it being a tiny black marble in the middle.
"Because it is water," Neva stated. "That thing is ancient and nobody real knows how it exists only that it does. It can locate large reserves of water deep below the planet's surface. For any planet that'd be worthless, but for Tatooine…"
Trial: "So is this how...," began the Judge with trepidation. Zoda held up his hand to stop him.
"It played a major role yes, but it's not over till it's over," the Jedi when a gloved fist crashed down on the table.
"I demand to know where Birdman is!" demanded X the Eliminator as Neva sat down in his seat in a huff. He pointed at Zoda then immediately pointed to X whom Zoda immediately tackled.
"So what's up?" asked Neva returning to his noodles.
"Zoda was filling us in on how you got the idol," said the Judge. Neva nodded before reaching into his pocket and producing the idol itself before spinning it on his finger and offering it to Zobba.
"For you old friend, I know how you've wanted it for your collection," the diplomat said as Zobba cradled the object. The Hutt immediately beamed brightly at the gift.
"Thank you Neva," he said hugging the thing. The Judge and IG-24 looked at the item with dread.
"You are to remove that item from this planet immediately upon cessation of this trial," the Judge ordered. Zobba nodded as he placed the totem on the table and pointed the strange blue water creature at the group.
"What kind of creature is that anyway?" the Judge asked looking at the thing. Neva turned his attention to the object and shrugged.
"Not a clue," he confessed. "I mean we've all heard the legend of the Aquifyning Rod but who's to say how much is real and how much is made up."
"Still, you seem to have proved that it really works," the Judge admitted dryly. Neva gave an awkward look at him.
"I think for the sake of this trial and the record that it should read that it doesn't work," he felt the urge to say. The Judge looked at IG-24 who moved his body in the approximation of a nod.
"Agreed," the Judge approved. "Not if you would continue…"
Pyramid: "So who's going to go get it?" asked Neva as the group sat in a circle deciding what to do.
"Well I don't have a vested interest in the item at all so that counts me out," Keira figured. "But I still don't see why you don't just use the Force to float the object to you."
The three others looked at her in shock.
"But that's not how it's done," said Neva softly. "There's a rhythm to these things. We carefully cross the trap filled floor, reach the totem, fail to thwart the pressure sensor, and then haul butt out of here before the temple kills us."
"Pull!" ordered Zoda as a bullwhip flew through the air from Treadwell and into his hand.
"You know Baron Papanoida and Senator Grebleips have every right to sue us for this," Neva commented.
"You hush," ordered the Jedi. He then picked up Treadwell with the Force and launched him across the room and the used his bullwhip to snag onto Treadwell's center column and by grabbing Neva's hand yanked both of them across as well. The three arced across and then crashed in a heap near the pedestal.
"Nice one Z," Neva commented as he pulled himself up off the floor.
"Oh shut it Enkidu," the Jedi responded as the three gathered around the pedestal.
"Weight?" asked Neva.
"500 pounds!" declared Zoda looking at Treadwell. Neva slapped him hard.
"Scan it and find out!" shouted Keira. The three heroes turned to face her.
"That's not how it's done!"
"Five pounds…maybe seven," Zoda figured offhand. Treadwell nodded in agreement as Neva produced a bag and began putting handfuls of sand into it.
"Originality is dead," he realized bitterly before immediately tossing the bag to the side. "Just grab it and let's go."
Zoda leapt up into the air and grabbed the bag and the three took off…as nothing happened.
"Well that was a bust," the Jedi declared as the Totem began glowing and the far wall began shaking.
"Oh hell," said Neva Kee with realization.
The far wall exploded throwing millions of gallons of water at them.
Trial: "Yikes and I thought the storm was bad," the Judge commented shuddering.
"I think I just came to the conclusion as to why Droidfest was so sparsely attended by Jawas this year," IG-24 commented. Neva Kee nodded.
"Six sandcrawlers got submerged in the ensuing quicksand," the diplomat pointed out. "But we escaped and what happened next is another case entirely."
A door burst open and a humanoid being with wings, a lawyer's seat, and a yellow helmet burst in.
"I'll take the case!" he shouted.
"Birdman at last!" cackled X the Eliminator before pressing the firing device.
"Run Harvey run!" shouted Zoda. Harvey Birdman fled the room as the device went off blasting a large chunk of the wall away causing wind and rain to sweep into the room.
"I think we'd better get back to the courtroom," the Judge commented as the entire dining hall made their way out of the place. X the Eliminator for his part dragged his device out of the room and chased after the departing attorney at law. But before both could get out of sight, Zoda produced the Oscillation Overthruster he'd confiscated from the Lectroid ship and both beings vanished back home when the beam hit them.
A/N: I think it's a crime for any courtroom drama to not feature a cameo appearance by X the Eliminator and Harvey Birdman. Granted it was pointless and stupid, but there you go.