Farm: Neva Kee was sitting on his fold-out chair while going over his notes on the patio table as Zoda and Kirby discussed the Dragoon that was now hovering over the ground nearby.
"Oh she's fast," Kirby acknowledged. "Super fast. Much faster than that flying deathtrap you call a surfboard and that podracer over there."
Zoda looked over at his hovering surfboard and Neva's near-destroyed racer that was still on top of it.
"You want to put that to the test?" Zoda challenged while holding up his clenched fist. Kirby glared at him as Zoda glared right back.
"Later you two, we've got work to do," Neva Kee declared. "Now get over here!"
The two aliens glared for a moment longer and then broke it off to join the blue diplomat and Treadwell. On the table was a topographical map of the Dune Sea with various pen marks on it.
"We can't even afford a hologram?" asked Zoda depressed. "Man we really are broke."
"Ha, ha," laughed Kirby before Neva gave them a look that silenced the two of them. The totem sat on the table with various scanners plugged into it.
"So what's he up to?" asked Zoda. "Because I'm confused as to what good not having a water totem on a desert planet is supposed to accomplish."
"Well clearly water is the threat here as Kirby figured," Neva Kee reminded them. "What we have to figure out, is what water can be considered a threat against."
Silence ensued as each pondered that question.
"Hookers!" declared Kirby standing up on his chair suddenly in a bolt of 'inspiration'.
"We can't have hookers in a K+ story!" Neva exclaimed. Kirby looked at him shocked.
"What?!" he exclaimed. "What kind of crap is this? Son of a-."
"Can't say that either," Neva cut him off. "S&P."
Kirby fell off his chair. "I can't swear either? This place sucks!"
Neva Kee and Zoda both nodded before Zoda spoke up.
"Well technically you can swear once but nothing fancy," the Jedi mentioned offhand and then upon seeing Kirby's pleased expression. "But only once so make it count."
"Continuing our story, we still need to figure out what Kandor is up to," the diplomat once again cut in. "So sit back down!"
The other two aliens did as they once more looked at the map.
"Maybe he's planning to implode the planet," Zoda suggested.
"Or blow his stack," Kirby laughed reaching for the pitcher of water. "What a nutjob."
Neva Kee nodded as he briefly fingered a pair of poker chips before tossing them on the table on top of the map. "And that's exactly what he's going to do. He's going to make it so every volcano buried below Tatooine's surface erupts and covers the sky with ash. And since nobody here has the money to either clean up the atmosphere or build protective domes, those that can, will evacuate and those that won't, will die."
Kirby and Zoda looked at each other before Kirby burst out into laughter.
"You're saying he'll have a secret volcanic lair?" he said wiping a tear. "What a cliché!"
"This is serious!" shouted Neva Kee standing up and slamming his right hand on the table. "We can't let him kill thou…hundreds of innocents."
"Seems like he'd be doing the galaxy a favor," Kirby pointed out. "You told me this place was a wretched hive of scum and villainy."
Neva Kee was going to respond when Treadwell revved its motors several times.
"He's right," the diplomat stated. "Murder is still murder, no matter who is on the receiving end. We will stop him before he manages to put his plan into action."
"So why hasn't he already?" asked Zoda. "Is it because he knows we have the totem?"
"Possibly," Neva figured before producing several objects. "But we have to scope out every volcano and drop these instrument packages into them to monitor them for signs of activity."
Zoda and Kirby both picked up two packages, Kirby rattling his to try and figure out what was inside, and then both nodded.
"Any questions?" the diplomat finished. Kirby raised his hand.
"I already know what you're going to ask so don't," Neva Kee continued as Kirby appeared crestfallen.
"Okay," he said a little sad. Neva sighed.
"Fine," he relented. Kirby gave a huge smile.
"Yes, what is the capital of South Dakota?" asked the puffball with a massive grin.
"Ha, ha," said Neva Kee deadpan before throwing his hand out to the desert. "A-Team, roll out!"
The four split ways, Kirby on the Dragoon, Zoda atop his surfboard, Neva in the Chariot LAV, and Treadwell by his lonesome.
Elsewhere: A satellite in geosynchronous orbit over the moisture farm recorded the three dust trails and one rainbow trail, leaving the area. The satellite then broadcasted the images to an undisclosed location that activated a large supercomputer.
"Well, well, well, so you have figured it out," Kandor noted as the trails were projected to intersect with four different volcanoes. "Very good."
"You should activate the plan now. They will die to save this world," came a voice from behind him. Kandor spun on his chair to face a collection of shadowed individuals.
"No," he ordered. "We do that and they may escape to tell the Republic of what transpired here. They must pass the point of no return and then they will be destroyed. But the path to reach that point will not be made easy for them. Go."
With a wave of his hand, the others vanished leaving Kandor to turn back to the computer and steeple his fingers in front of his face contemplating this turn of events.
Volcano 1: Kirby was chewing on a stick of gum as he sat on the lip of the volcano looking down at the magma within.
"As if it wasn't hot enough on this da-….stupid planet already," Kirby said, lamenting his inability to swear. He blew a massive bubble that then popped before producing the sensor package and once more looking it over and noticing some scribbling on the side.
"Well I sure as hell don't know how to speak or write basic," the Warp Star Warrior figured as he casually tossed the kit and caboodle into the cone. He was about to reach for his map to figure out his next destination when the sun became blocked out. The Warrior looked up to see a stone statue basking in the hot sun.
"Hey buddy, Easter Island's that way," Kirby declared pointing off unto the horizon before holding himself from laughing so hard.
And then the statute kicked him over the rim of the volcano towards the magma below.
Volcano 2: Zoda's surfboard flew over the cone as he dropped the package inside before hurtling off towards the next one.
"One down…," he began when an object came hurtling from the glare of Tatoo I and nearly took out the Jedi and his board. The two plummeted towards the ground when he pulled out of his corkscrew nose dive and took up a steady position as the object also came to a halt right in front of him.
"Ah, I'm impressed Kandor," Zoda nodded approvingly. "Been a long time since I had a promise of a good fight, so much the better."
The other object was a flying hunter-killer humanoid robot that instantly produced a pair of laser cannons out of its robotic palms and twirled them around before assuming an attack position.
"Let's roll big ugly," stated the Jedi as the two rocketed towards each other.
Volcano 4: Treadwell rolled up to the smoking mountain and looked fearfully into it before pushing the package into the rim with its base and then bolting for dear life. It raced down to the bottom and then across desert before being stopped by a lone figure in the sand. It looked at the being quizzically as the other individual felt utterly humiliated.
"You're not much of a threat are you?" the female Twi'lek asked. Treadwell eyed her quizzically but remained silent. Sand slowly blew across the gap between them as the Twi'lek tried to figure out what to do.
"Boss," she stated, picking up her walkie-talkie.
"You are not to use this line unless under dire circumstances!" barked Kandor on the other end.
"Yes sir," acknowledged the Twi'lek a little irate. "But my target is a Treadwell-class droid and not 'threat' material."
"Treadwell?" asked Kandor a little perplexed. "Guess that female they were with bolted. Well in that case, keep an eye on the droid and if another needs help, assist them."
"Acknowledged," said the woman still not happy about it. She shut off the walkie and put it away before looking up at Treadwell before a look of shock crossed her face.
"What the-!" she exclaimed suddenly when…
BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM
Volcano 3: Neva was just reaching the Chariot LAV when twin saber blades sliced through the around him. The flurry went on for several more minutes as the diplomat stood still, briefly yawned, and then it was over.
"Something I can help you with?" asked the diplomat of his assailant. "Because otherwise I've got a lot to do and I'd like to get right on it."
The assailant, a masked ninja of sorts, came to a rest on top of the LAV with both swords angled away from his body.
"Fight me," the ninja rasped. Neva looked up at him with a glint in his eye.
"No," he declared and pulled out a blaster and stunned the ninja off of his vehicle. He then looked at the collapsed being before shaking his head in humility before hopping in the vehicle and taking off.
Volcano 1: The rock monster had just finished signaling Kandor on the success of his mission and was headed down the mountain when a tapping on his shoulder drew his attention.
"Hey buddy," declared Kirby deflating and landing on the ground as he threw up his appendages. "Let's rumba!!"
The rock monster gave a hearty laugh at that before turning around and throwing up his arms as well. He then tipped his head and rushed the pink puffball who widened his mouth and sucked the rock monster into his gullet before immediately spitting him back out. The rock monster stood there a little at a loss before being surprised as Kirby's physical structure morphed into the same rock that made up the rock monster. The Warrior then entered into a martial arts pose before smiling.
"As a race of robots once said of them and me when we briefly met, we're both more than meets the eye," the Warrior informed the monster in his most badass manner. But then he immediately spun on his heel and took off screaming as the monster chased him down the mountain.
Dune Sea: Treadwell ripped across the desert leaving a trail as he raced away from the Twi'lek and whatever had happened to her as Neva raced across his desert trail headed for another volcano. Kirby then ran past headed for parts unknown as the rock monster chased after him while Zoda arced across the sky fighting the H-K.
Unknown: "Well, not quite what I had planned but it gets the job done," Kandor Ito noted while watching the various dots crisscross the map. He even pulled out some popcorn and began eating, wishing he could have had a better visual of what was really going on.
Volcano 5: The LAV hopped the cone as Neva dropped a sensor package into it from his open door and then raced down the opposite end. It then swooped across the desert and took a position next to Kirby.
"Need a lift, Murdock?" asked Neva looking out through his now opened door.
"M…maybe," said Kirby out of breath as the rock monster was still just feet behind him. "B…but what about h…him?"
The diplomat looked at the rock monster who had now begun pounding futilely on the LAV to try and cause it to spin out to no avail.
"Here," said Neva Kee handing him a glass of water. Kirby looked at it confused.
"I'm thirsty but how does this…," he began. Neva slapped his forehead.
"Transform from rock Kirby to water Kirby you bum!" he shouted. Kirby's expression brightened at that as he reverted from rock to his regular pink form. He then swallowed the water and transformed into a blue translucent water form and spun around and sprayed the sand, causing the rock monster to sink in the ensuing quicksand until only its head poked up above ground.
"Now don't go anywhere," said Kirby with a big gleeful grin before the rock monster roared at him and he hopped onto the LAV as it took off.
"Let's go get Face and B.A.," said Neva twisting the yoke to chase after Treadwell.
"Right on, Hannibal!" said Kirby enthusiastically.
Sky: Zoda ripped through the air being pursued by the H-K as he used his lightsabers to deflect the laser blasts as best he could. But to his avail, the H-K was far more mobile and quicker than his flying surfboard.
"Oh, what now?" he wondered, considering his limited options. But then to his dismay, a lucky shot damaged the left engine on his board causing it soar out of control. The ground was spinning ever closer and the Jedi braced himself for impact when a flash of rainbow covered the sky and Zoda hit something metallic before zooming off through the air. Looking down, the Jedi noticed the Dragoon planted firmly under his board as if magnetized to it.
"You break it, B.A., and I'll kill you!" declared Kirby over his comm. unit down below as the LAV coasted by underneath before rocketing off for Treadwell. Zoda got up on his board and tested the response time by lightly pulling up on the board as the whole contraption came to an immediate halt as the H-K blew past it before also stopping.
"Awesome," said Zoda, extremely impressed by the machine. He then brought it to bear on the H-K and rushed straight at it. But the acceleration was too much for him and he rocketed past it, missing with his lightsabers completely. Once more Zoda brought the craft to a stop as he whistled once more in admiration.
"I stand corrected Murdock, this is handy," Zoda admitted. But that was all he could say as the H-K came right at him and he had to twist the board around and take off to avoid its laser blasts. Down below, the LAV picked up Treadwell, aka Templeton "The Face Man" Peck, and then moved off towards the final volcano to complete the measurements. But as they watched the battle above with interest until Zoda kicked the back of his board for more speed and it vanished in a bright flash with a streak of rainbow colors vanishing into the horizon.
"Where did he go?" asked Neva Kee perplexed. Kirby promptly asked Neva Kee for the circumference of the planet before doing some calculations in his head.
"He'll be back any moment now," he stated. A rainbow ripped across the opposite horizon before streaking over the sky and through the H-K that flew apart into tiny pieces before streaking over the far volcano and then straight into the ground throwing up a mushroom cloud of sand. The LAV drove up to it as Zoda stumbled around in a daze near the uprooted Dragoon/Surfboard.
"Now I see why you don't like to fly, B.A.," stated Neva Kee bemused. Zoda still stumbled about before coming to a halt.
"I pity the foo' that…," he began before passing out. Kirby yanked out the Dragoon combination out of the ground and carried it to the LAV as Treadwell rolled up and Neva placed Zoda's unconscious form onto his base as the droid rolled back to the vehicle as well. For the first time in awhile, the diplomat gave a genuine smile as he pulled out a toothpick.
"I love it when a plan comes together," he ended before he too headed for the LAV and it took off into the horizon.
A/N: The A-Team:
Leader-John "Hannibal" Smith played by George Peppard, Neva Kee
Man w/connections and a ladies man-Templeton "Face Man" Peck played by Dirk Benedict, Treadwell
Equipment Expert/The Muscle-Bosco B.A.(Bad Attitude) Baracus played by Mr. T, Zoda
Pilot/Driver/Resident Nutso-H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock played by Dwight Schultz, Kirby
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away a crack alien and droid commando unit was sent to prison by a civilian court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Mos Eisley underground. Today, still wanted by the galactic government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem...if no one else can help...and if you can find them...maybe you can hire...The A- Team.
And no the story's not done. The A/N and below is for my amusement(as is the entire story).